kalliemorgan Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 This will be my third year of homeschooling ds, 7, and my first year of dd, 5. And I STILL have the in-laws - who live out of town - feel that whenever they want to descend on us, we should take a full week off of school for them. By in-laws I mean my husband's mom, grandma and grandpa, and aunt and uncle. (He was an only child, only nephew, only grandson. Spoiled, I know.) And they don't all come at the same time, because they each want "quality time" with us, AND it doesn't count the annual trip for a week and a half that we are supposed to go to where they live (they pay for everything including plane tickets so I can't complain too much). This trip is also, inevitably, is in the middle of our school year. I have chosen to still teach the kids while they are staying with us, and they treat me like it's a personal insult that I do this, but I don't know what else to do. Anyone else have a similar situation/attitude they have to deal with? Any suggestions?:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Not exactly the same but my dd travels with my parents often and they used to fight be when I sent school work with them. My dad particularly would harrass me about being a slave driver and "even kids in school gets days off". They've discovered on their own if they actually spend the time to have her do the work I send with her in the morning she does better during the day. She likes structure. For me, because we both travel I've had to relax a bit on my scheduling. I used to get stressed out if we didn't finish what I planned for the day or week but now I've learned to be more flexible. I just make her do something every day....even if it's only for a short time because otherwise it's pulling teeth to get her back on track when we restart. My new motto this year is work hard while we working but play hard and enjoy ourselves when we're taking a break....even if that break is the 2nd week of September when an opportunity for her to travel with my parents comes one week after we started school. Maybe try a shorter schedule when you have visitors as a compromise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 At those ages, I would take the time off. Family from out of town trumps everything else. Make up the time in the summer, if need be. You are very blessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxMama Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 How many total weeks per year are they visiting? My inlaws are also out of town. When they visit we take the time off. We also plan all our vacations during the traditional school year. Family is more important than schoolwork. However, if they are coming separately and multiple times I do understand that you may have to come to some sort of understanding. FWIW, my inlaws come every 3-6 months and stay a week. We go to them 1 week out of the year. Grandma only visited with the inlaws. We did not have other family visiting except and occasional visit from a BIL. For our family, these visits were 4-6 weeks out of the year. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black_midori Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) At those ages, I would take the time off. Family from out of town trumps everything else. Make up the time in the summer, if need be. You are very blessed. :iagree: My husband travels extensively for 7 months a year or so, and we have learned just to take the time off an relax with family time when he makes it back home (or when we go to visit). At 7 and 5, it is fairly easy to adapt schedules (that's the ages my boys are at as well). If they are staying a full week, perhaps you can make it clear that you can do 4 days of visiting and 3 days of school work (or something like that). The school work should only be taking 1/2 a day or less, anyway, so you could do evening things those days. If you are involved in a ton of extracurricular stuff (we sure are!) invite them along! I think it is wonderful that your inlaws are so excited to be visiting! We see my side of the family 2 or 3 times a year and more distant relatives every couple years. We do live with the in-laws, though, so we see them all the time... :D ETA - the joy of homeschooling is how flexible we can be!! I do a 45 week school year and only do school 4 days a week and our year goes from May - March with flex-days as needed. The hardest part by far is re-arranging the extra-curric to go visit Daddy; if you have them just come with you to those (or work around them), that would be much easier! :) Edited October 3, 2011 by black_midori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khall Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Family from out of town trumps everything else. Make up the time in the summer, if need be. You are very blessed. :iagree: Family is more important than schoolwork. HTH :iagree: In 10, or 20, or 30+ years, will it be more important that your children have memories of making connections with their relatives (who may or may not still be alive at that time), or more important that they stuck to their schedule and did their work for that week. They probably won't have much recollection of the work, but they might remember special times with family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinannie Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I went through a similar thing last summer. We school year round. We were just getting started and my mom wanted to do a week of Grandma camp. I didn't want to take a break then (we were just getting into a rountine), but people on here convinced me to take the break. I didn't regret it. The best thing about homeschooling is that we can take weeks off during the year. Honestly, if you are having people visit from out of town, I would take the week off. Maybe you could do math or something if you really want to, but I would just let the kids enjoy their family. I know it might not always be convenient, but we really don't know how long we will have these people in our lives. School will still be there next week! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Well, although time with extended family is important, I do also think you are within your rights to put some boundaries on it. I'd say something like, "I know you want to make sure your grandchildren get a quality education. To put in enough school days to make that happen, x number of weeks are available for extended family visits next year. Please get together and see how you'd like to divide that up." The number x might be 4, or 6, or whatever you want. I would also caution you to keep out at least a week or two for your own family to build your own vacation memories. Then, if the expectations are clear, then perhaps you would feel less ongoing frustration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Well, although time with extended family is important, I do also think you are within your rights to put some boundaries on it. I'd say something like, "I know you want to make sure your grandchildren get a quality education. To put in enough school days to make that happen, x number of weeks are available for extended family visits next year. Please get together and see how you'd like to divide that up." The number x might be 4, or 6, or whatever you want. I would also caution you to keep out at least a week or two for your own family to build your own vacation memories. Then, if the expectations are clear, then perhaps you would feel less ongoing frustration. :iagree: That's really good advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 At their ages, maybe you could have a mini-school of 20 minutes of math and 20 minutes of reading/writing. I am living near my parents this year. We won't be again for at least seven years, and we're spending as much time as possible with them. I grew up near my grandparents. A good relationship with them is worth much much more than a day's education. I learned so much from them. Don't let homeschool get in the way of your children's education. Emily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Maybe you could schedule a few educational activities that everyone would enjoy. Go to the zoo, museum, or just take a nature walk. Maybe Grandma or Grandpa would enjoy reading a chapter of your current read aloud to the kids or would like to play an educational game with them. I know my kids like to show off their reading skills to their grandparents, and they like to share some of their memory work as well. If you can slip some educational stuff into the visit then do so, but I would definitely make visiting and forming relationships the top priority for the week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My family lives very close by, so it's more like a day here and a day there - but that adds up when you are talking about every week. It also was getting frustrating to always be rescheduling my lesson plans. I would never deny him his grandparents, but I do have times blocked off. Well, blocked off unless it's a REALLY good alternative to schooling ;) In your situation, I would keep school going during their visits, but keep it as basic as possible. If it's only 2hrs a day, is that really hurting their quality time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalliemorgan Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Well, although time with extended family is important, I do also think you are within your rights to put some boundaries on it. I'd say something like, "I know you want to make sure your grandchildren get a quality education. To put in enough school days to make that happen, x number of weeks are available for extended family visits next year. Please get together and see how you'd like to divide that up." The number x might be 4, or 6, or whatever you want. I would also caution you to keep out at least a week or two for your own family to build your own vacation memories. Then, if the expectations are clear, then perhaps you would feel less ongoing frustration. I agree! Very good advice... I guess part of my frustration is that when they do come they end up leaving me and the kids at the house while they go shopping with my husband (they love to shop), but when I ask if they want to sit in on our schoolwork they glaze over and are clearly not interested. My kids are young enough where our schooling is still relatively easy and fun for all involved- fun science projects, art, history projects, etc. But they come across as though they just want to know we are available at the drop of a hat if they want to gaze upon the children between shopping sprees. But I think giving them a set amount of weeks is a great idea. Then we can do whatever they want with no resentment from either side...:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My kids are 7 as well. When family comes, we sometimes lighten the school load, but we most go ahead with what we're doing. However, I always let the kids do reading with the grandparents, who love that. And we take the grandparents along on our outings and let them meet our co-op friends when we can, all of which is cool for the kids and the grandparents. Of course, it helps that with such young kids, we usually only do about 2 hours of formal school in a day anyway - leaving plenty of time for outings and grandparent time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 We have no local relatives. I am very happy to have grandparents come from out of town - but I need the time to be scheduled. DH's parents have their own place to stay here and they come for about a month. I love them being nearby but I lose my mind over having my plan for the day changed midstream more than once. I am more than happy to have our kids spend time with them...I just need to be able to know what days, and what part of the day, at the beginning of the week. Then I am fine with working around it. If they were only here for a few consecutive days, then gone, like when my mom visits, I would be willing to take that whole time off. But I can't be "flexible" and just scrap school and our regular activities for more than a few days in a row. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy the Valiant Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 We're in a semi-similar situation (our house is the only one big enough to house lots of relatives, plus we have lots of out-of-state friends who come and stay), and so far, we've just taken the time off. With *HEAVY* commenting on how *FLEXIBLE* home school is, and how LUCKY the kids are to not have to go to school so they can spend time with ________ (Relative X). :D We just plan it into the big picture, and do school-ish-y stuff in the summers / holidays. Education is a life, and home school is a lifestyle. It all comes out in the wash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 To think, the usual ccomplaint is that we keep the kids home from school and it will ruin them forever. This is a total flip from the norm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmos Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Anyone else have a similar situation/attitude they have to deal with? Any suggestions?:confused: We're in a similar situation. We live far from all of our family. When ds was younger, we just took the time off whenever there were visits. And we find one of the benefits of homeschooling is the flexible schedule, allowing us to take breaks when we travel or others visit us. We've taken some great trips over the years! But ds is getting older, and there's a fair amount of material we need to get through. He doesn't want to do a lot of school in the summer to make up for time off during the year. For this school year, we've roughly planned out the year, allotting time off around the holidays, for a big trip next spring, and to spend time with some relatives we rarely see. These were all planned out at the start of the year. My in-laws have now decided to come for a visit next month. That's wonderful, but we will be doing school while they are here. Otherwise, my ds won't be on track to finish by June, which he wants to do. What gets me is the relatives who make digs about homeschooling AND expect us to stop schooling while they visit. Obviously kids in public school don't have any choice about it when their relatives come to visit! At least we're done by lunch time, still leaving plenty of time for visiting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalliemorgan Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) :) Edited October 3, 2011 by kalliemorgan entered too many times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalliemorgan Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 For this school year, we've roughly planned out the year, allotting time off around the holidays, for a big trip next spring, and to spend time with some relatives we rarely see. These were all planned out at the start of the year. My in-laws have now decided to come for a visit next month. That's wonderful, but we will be doing school while they are here. Otherwise, my ds won't be on track to finish by June, which he wants to do. What gets me is the relatives who make digs about homeschooling AND expect us to stop schooling while they visit. Obviously kids in public school don't have any choice about it when their relatives come to visit! At least we're done by lunch time, still leaving plenty of time for visiting. Amen, sister! I couldn't have described it better. The in-laws constantly are reminding me to make sure we are "actually" schooling our kids, but when it comes to our schooling interfering with their plans, then my stick-to-it-ive-ness is received negatively. Our kids still have a lot of very good friends in the public school system. So we try to take our vacations when they do, summer vacation, etc. In our state (MT) we have an hour requirement, and I feel the need to take it very seriously. Come summer, I want enough time to truly take it off and still have enough time to line out the next school year, order books, tie up loose ends before the next school year, etc. I know this will come as a shock, but I need a vacation too, and having company in the middle of the school year (esp. with the in-laws) does not feel like much of a vacation to me, although I have been able to keep up appearances that it is. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalliemorgan Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 To think, the usual ccomplaint is that we keep the kids home from school and it will ruin them forever. This is a total flip from the norm. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Any suggestions?:confused: Make up a nice calendar with pictures of the family. Clearly delineate school times and vacation times. Give the calendars as gifts with a note that states, "We'd love to see you when we are having a vacation week." And, as corny as it sounds, try to be happy that they want to be part of your lives. Family relationships are more important than academics. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChandlerMom Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) Is the real issue to logistics of taking the time off or the lack of respect their demands display? DH is fond of saying family is big on love but short on respect. It's great they want to visit, but why should your kids respect you and their school time if the visiting family doesn't? There can also be the issue that when people demand from us we are less reluctant to give. My MIL is that way -- the more aggressive she is pushing her agenda the less I feel inclined to give even the small niceties (if you didn't ask before buying the tix to come out, don't expect me to gush over how much we're looking forward to seeing you, kwim?) In truth it sounds like you are in a bit of a no-win: if you school, you're insulting them. If you take the time off, they will be convinced you don't take their ed seriously. It also isn't clear to me if you and the kids are invited on these shopping sprees if they weren't hs-ing. If it were me, I might make a big point about doing class the weekend before their visit and exclaim how the kids gave up a weekend to be able to take a few days off, or do a couple half days. On those days off, plan WITH DH nice family outings of YOUR choice. :D The rule in our home is visiting family have to fit into OUR lives, not the other way around. As a PP said, hsing provides a nice structure to my kids day and gives them a break from the excitement of guests. Maybe take a nature walk before lunch each day. Good luck! Edited October 3, 2011 by ChandlerMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 It's true. My il's used to announce when they were coming. Dh and I had a heart to heart about it - it was before we had kids and I was like, it can only get worse. It's not that I don't want them to come, they just need to ask and negotiate the right time, not announce what works for them and show up. He told them very bluntly. And then we didn't see them for more than half a year. After which, they were MUCH more polite about it and always negotiate the date and ask us. "We'd like to come for a few days in the spring, what works for you?" Instead of, "We're coming May 8th." Much better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalliemorgan Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Is the real issue to logistics of taking the time off or the lack of respect their demands display? In truth it sounds like you are in a bit of a no-win: if you school, you're insulting them. If you take the time off, they will be convinced you don't take their ed seriously. It also isn't clear to me if you and the kids are invited on these shopping sprees if they weren't hs-ing. Well, aren't we just insightful? :) I do feel to a certain extent it is a no-win. But I am a people pleaser and I just keep hoping that I will have the magic method that suddenly makes it all better. And to answer your question about if we would be invited on these shopping sprees...in the past I was-albiet pre kids. Now I am not invited because they like to shop at the grown up places, no breaks, and no nap times allowed (I still have a 2 year old, too.) Also, I should note that I have very respectful, obedient, well behaved kids, so no, it's not their behavior. ;) Restaurants they want to eat at are high-end fancy places that take 4 hours to eat 5 courses...etc etc etc. Once when we met them at a rental in Santa Barbara for a week my only request was that for the kids we take them to the beach and to the carousel we saw there... on day 6 I finally put my foot down and insisted we do something for the kids so they could get out of the house and made it happen. So I guess what I am saying is it seems that to them kids are what you do when there is nothing else entertaining to do. Which is a foreign concept to me. And frustrating when I am trying to do school with them when they are in town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalliemorgan Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Well, I shall end my beefing here. The longer I talk about it, the more bummed I get. So...I will stop but I promise I will be trying your many wonderful, balanced suggestions. Thank you for hearing me. I have lots of good ways to approach the situation now. Anyone with any more insights is more than welcome to keep posting! Thanks again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChandlerMom Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) Any insights I have probably have to do with my MIL coming to visit soon. :lol: I won't turn this into a whine-fest, but I do understand how you feel. MIL claims to want to spend time with the kids, but inevitably after 5min of rolling a ball with them she attaches herself to dh like flypaper and just wants to talk/do things with him. "Fun" stuff like spending 3 hours looking at photos she brought of herself. :tongue_smilie: If I suggest a kid-friendly outing, she replies, "No, I've already seen that." Umm, the point was having fun with the kids?!?! DH is a people-pleaser, like you, and likes the stuff his mom buys him (stuff we could just buy, but it's just part of their dysfunctional relationship). He also felt like he was "taking one for the team" by occupying her. Three days into her last visit, my extremely polite 8yo dd asked me sadly, "When is grandma going home? I MISS papa." How sad is that? After that I talked to dh and made it clear the days of MIL demanding all of his attentions were OVER. When she visits this time, she will be fitting into OUR lives, not the other way around (and thank goodness she at least stays in a hotel, mainly because dh couldn't stand her 24/7). In your case, I find it incredibly rude for your ILs to expect to spend so much time doing "adult only" stuff. I get 1 or 2 things during the week, but not all the time. I think you need to talk to your dh about what he's doing and why. The fact is he DOES have a wife and kids and they DO deserve to be accommodated. Put another way, what if one of them was an alcoholic but get togethers used to involve barhopping -- would you still expect them to go to bars? WHat if one of them was in a wheelchair, would they expect activities to adapt to accommodate that, or would that person be left at home while the rest went hiking all week? The level of selfish disrespect is mind-numbing, and it sounds like it is time for dh to start acting like an adult and draw new boundaries. They only act that way because they CAN. DH is the only one with the power to demand better from them, and quite frankly, managing his family is HIS job. :D Hugs, good luck to you, and I'll welcome any good coping prayers sent my way! Edited October 3, 2011 by ChandlerMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rgrin Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 After a three-week visit, our house has been in-law-free for two blessed days. I so feel your pain. During the first week, we did all grandparent time. They live in Georgia, we just moved to Washington state. It was kind of a no-brainer, since we won't see much of them. They decided to stay a second week, so I suggested educational outings and fun activities, but my ideas were generally pushed to the side for trips to Home Depot and such. (Yay.) Halfway through the second week, I announced that school time would be from 8-10. The grandparents decided to sit in and interject comments, questions, and praise at random times. The boys were so distracted that we accomplished nothing, and they did such a poor job in phonics that the in-laws probably think I haven't taught them a thing! But could you concentrate on words with in-laws interrupting after every word of every sentence?! Anyway, after a few days of that, they apparently decided sitting in on lessons was not very exciting and left us alone for those few hours. :D But just before they left, they informed us that they would be visiting again in December, then in March, and we could all take a big vacation together this summer. :glare: At least I have already set the homeschooling boundaries. Now, DH and I have to come up with some other house rules for guests... This thread has given me much to consider. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 I always just took off when out of town family visited and made up the time later. Especially when the kids are young. Keep read-alouds going, teach Grandma how to play Go to the Dump, things like that. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kandty Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 :lol: I am finding these stories very funny! I dream of living far away from family, sometimes . . . . . especially at Christmas when we are expected to be at 4 different places at Christmas Eve. My family lives all nearby, except my brother who is just 3 hours away. I think this is worse to live so close! Lately we have been losing 2 days a week because I am being called away from schooling to help family members do things during the school day. It just keeps getting worse! Hoping this changes before I have to put my foot down. I already disappointed my mom when I told her we were just going to visit my brother and his family for the day instead of spending two night like she asked. I think she was just wanting to spend time with all her grandkids together and I was the bad daughter. Next time she needs to schedule that when it works with our schedule. Or maybe I need to learn to be more flexible with our schedule. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellalarella Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 We had grandparents visit while we were in school and I actually just asked Grandma to do the reading lesson.:001_smile: Not sure how much she enjoyed that, but at least she has some idea now of what even a tiny portion of homeschooling is like! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristangrace Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 having company in the middle of the school year (esp. with the in-laws) does not feel like much of a vacation to me, although I have been able to keep up appearances that it is. ;) This made me laugh. Lots of us have to negotiate this sort of thing. (The length of this response is testimony to 13 years of bumpy vacation/holiday/schedule navigation with the in-laws--who are, generally speaking, fine people.) In fact, my husband's sister and her family were in town (not staying with us) for a month before they left for Germany for two years (they left today, actually). And even though they are really lovely and non-demanding people, I am so (unusually) stressed this year about getting all our schooling in that it was difficult to keep out resentful feelings, even though I was truly on board with the idea of sacrificing a bit of school because we won't see them for two years. So my main recommendation is not any particular strategy, but just a reminder to be vigilant about taking responsibility for your own feelings and actions. You get to decide what to do with your time, but you don't get to decide how other people feel about it. They don't HAVE to FEEL happy with your decisions--though they ought to be respectful of them--any more than you HAVE to FEEL happy with how they decide to spend their time--though you ought to be respectful of them. If you cannot, in good conscience, accommodate all their wishes, there's no need to feel guilty about it. And if they can't accommodate all your wishes, that's OK too. There are some golden relationships where it's easy to find a happy middle ground, but that's not the norm. I've had to make peace with the fact that with most people, compromising on schedules is a sloppy, imperfect business, and that's OK. I don't need everything to work perfectly. For me, navigating these issues has been a long series of lessons in growing up, and getting a clearer, firmer grasp on what I want and the type of person I want to be has been invaluable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Testimony Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) At those ages, I would take the time off. Family from out of town trumps everything else. Make up the time in the summer, if need be. You are very blessed. :iagree: At those ages, school is only 2 hours at the most. Whatever is missed can be made up the next year. When my father was sick with cancer, my mom asked me to come down during the days to stay with him while she was at work. I took the boys down and spent the day with him. He has passed away. It was worth it that we took those days with him. Blessings in your homeschool journey! Sincerely, Karen Edited December 21, 2011 by Testimony did not like the way it sounded Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aludlam Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Well, Pappaw has never turned down listening to a good read aloud. He especially likes science! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Your children are young. Relationships with relatives are important. You can school during the summer. It's not worth getting upset over. Just plan your year assuming that these interruptions will happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sagira Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) I hear ya. My mom lives alone, and will complain that my life is centered around the kids. She whines that I need to fit the kids into my life, not the other way around, bla bla bla.. She means adult stuff, like sitting and watching non-cartoon movies, shopping, eating out at nicer restaurants, etc. She threw a tantrum because my kids were not enchanted with Sound of Music. In fact, they were bored and acting up a bit. So what if they don't like it? I do, but geez. Dh was pretty upset about that (to me only, thankfully). My kids never Feel like they spend quality time with her, because she wants to spend the time conversing with me, or sometimes doing something that she wants to do, or turn what the kids wanted to do into her project. As much as I love her, a trip of her visiting is like having another, demanding child, and I'm both sad and relieved she's back home. I miss her, but I like my life back. If you don't cater to her needs as she sees fit, you're in trouble. She's an extremely difficult person to please, and many times you don't know what set her off. This thread has been.. Interesting. When it comes to Homeschooling, she has a million ideas and dc don't react well with her and much interruptions, so I do take off. Any insights I have probably have to do with my MIL coming to visit soon. :lol: I won't turn this into a whine-fest, but I do understand how you feel. MIL claims to want to spend time with the kids, but inevitably after 5min of rolling a ball with them she attaches herself to dh like flypaper and just wants to talk/do things with him. "Fun" stuff like spending 3 hours looking at photos she brought of herself. :tongue_smilie: If I suggest a kid-friendly outing, she replies, "No, I've already seen that." Umm, the point was having fun with the kids?!?! DH is a people-pleaser, like you, and likes the stuff his mom buys him (stuff we could just buy, but it's just part of their dysfunctional relationship). He also felt like he was "taking one for the team" by occupying her. Three days into her last visit, my extremely polite 8yo dd asked me sadly, "When is grandma going home? I MISS papa." How sad is that? After that I talked to dh and made it clear the days of MIL demanding all of his attentions were OVER. When she visits this time, she will be fitting into OUR lives, not the other way around (and thank goodness she at least stays in a hotel, mainly because dh couldn't stand her 24/7). In your case, I find it incredibly rude for your ILs to expect to spend so much time doing "adult only" stuff. I get 1 or 2 things during the week, but not all the time. I think you need to talk to your dh about what he's doing and why. The fact is he DOES have a wife and kids and they DO deserve to be accommodated. Put another way, what if one of them was an alcoholic but get togethers used to involve barhopping -- would you still expect them to go to bars? WHat if one of them was in a wheelchair, would they expect activities to adapt to accommodate that, or would that person be left at home while the rest went hiking all week? The level of selfish disrespect is mind-numbing, and it sounds like it is time for dh to start acting like an adult and draw new boundaries. They only act that way because they CAN. DH is the only one with the power to demand better from them, and quite frankly, managing his family is HIS job. :D Hugs, good luck to you, and I'll welcome any good coping prayers sent my way! Edited December 20, 2011 by sagira Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I agree! Very good advice... I guess part of my frustration is that when they do come they end up leaving me and the kids at the house while they go shopping with my husband (they love to shop), but when I ask if they want to sit in on our schoolwork they glaze over and are clearly not interested. So do your work while they're shopping. I don't think it is an insult that they don't want to watch Johnny add and subtract. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 DS's grandma died last year. It was the worst time of DS's life. What would I give for him to have one more week with her. Not to be corny but I would be so glad they actually want to be with your kids. My son's grandpa (the one whose wife died) hasn't traveled in years. He has a combination of physical/mental issues and he would never be able to visit us. Anyway, please take the time off! You won't regret it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 So do your work while they're shopping. I don't think it is an insult that they don't want to watch Johnny add and subtract. ;) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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