Resting after birth (Maybe TMI)

[UnsinkableKristen]

Will someone please tell me how one is supposed to REST after having your 4th baby??

 

I've probably pushed too hard this week, I've been so excited to finally have energy! But what felt like energy was probably a good helping of adrenaline because now I am having heavier bleeding and uterine pain.

 

I took one of my painkillers I got after I left the hospital (that I stopped taking 2 days after birth) and I am trying to rest on the couch - but I have FOUR kids now who still need to be fed, two need to be changed, and everyone still needs to talk, talk, talk :).

 

How is this supposed to work??

 

 

Not sure if this is a vent or a real question, but any words of advice would be appreciated :)

[clarkacademy]

I have no idea! I came home with number 4 as a single mom and not only had to deal with the kids the house I started back for Fall semester a week after she was born. Did I mention I also had surgery when she was a day old? I cannot remember the last time I rested or had a break lol. Good luck

[delaney]

The extra bleeding is a sign to sit yourself down and rest. I clearly remember going to the grocery store 2 WEEKS after number 6 was born and by the end of the trip my legs were heavy and I felt a GUSH. Totally overflowed a pad and had to have DH go dig around the diaper bag in the car to find something I could use. Sit down as much as you can or it will keep happening. Your uterus ain't what it used to be after 4 kids lol;)

 

ETA: With the kids: read, lay on the floor doing puzzles, pop in a good movie.....just stay off your feet a bit.

[Aubrey]

Do you have any help? Someone bringing you food? I'd think that for the first week at least, you'd need someone. Dh stayed w/ us while someone brought food for about 3 days, followed by mil for a few days. I love my mil, but I was nervous about having her help--just awkward, you know? But as it turns out, what. a. lifesaver. She cooked, played w/ my littlest (non-baby), etc. I almost cried when she had to go home. :lol:

[2squared]

TV, movies, and books. Deli meat, hotdogs, fruit, and crackers. My big kids helped a lot.

 

I overdid it with #5, and the extra recovery time wasn't worth whatever I had accomplished my energy rush.

[chepyl]

Keep everything needed to change either child in a basket by the couch. Have someone stock you up on frozen individual meals, bread, peanut butter and jelly. You lay on the couch and snuggle the new baby, let the other 3 take turns picking tv shows or movies to watch. 7 year old can start microwave meals (my 6 year old can make himself chicken nuggets and has been known to make lunch for his sister as well. He can also do PBJ.

 

Get Twister....teach all three how to play it, you spin, they play - you get entertainment ;)

 

Do you have a 10-12 year old neighbor who wants to learn about babysitting? Could they come be your "mother's helper" for a few days. Just have her come over after school for a few hours, or for the afternoon tomorrow so you can take a nap or just sit in another room and read/relax. You will be home, she would just be playing with the kids so you could rest.

[AngelBee]

Seriously....if it means peanut butter sandwiches and movies in bed ALL DAY LONG! :D

 

You NEED to rest! Period.

 

Your hormones will play tricks on you and make you think you can do more than you should be. I honestly believe woman should be at home and lounging (or laying down) for the first six weeks.

 

Not possible always....but that should be the goal. :)

 

Congrats on your new little one! Let me know if you need more specifics or help. This is an area I actually have a bit of experience in. :lol:

[AngelBee]

Not sure how active your 7 and 5 are, but I would keep 2 year old right with me. And when dh is home, he takes shifts with the others.

 

Do not make it icky like baby and me need time. Just make it factual. Mama needs rest to be at optimal health and baby needs to nurse so will stay with mama.

[fairfarmhand]

Seriously....if it means peanut butter sandwiches and movies in bed ALL DAY LONG! :D

 

You NEED to rest! Period.

 

Your hormones will play tricks on you and make you think you can do more than you should be. I honestly believe woman should be at home and lounging (or laying down) for the first six weeks.

 

Not possible always....but that should be the goal. :)

 

Congrats on your new little one! Let me know if you need more specifics or help. This is an area I actually have a bit of experience in. :lol:

 

an older woman I knew a long time ago said that mothers of past generations were expected to not leave their beds for about 4 weeks after childbirth if at all possible.

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

When I came home with #6, I had two 1 year old twins, a 5 year old, 9 year old, 13 yo (or something like that?) and my Mom, who was supposed to stick around and help, got overwhelmed and split.

 

Help is how you do it--at least it's how you're SUPPOSED to do it. Imagine a wonderful group of ladies coming to your house and taking care of the house, dropping off food and helping with the kids because they KNOW how you're NOT supposed to be doing this stuff so early.

 

Instead, you can do things like hire a doula.

 

I couldn't afford the doula and no one helped, so it was me, all day, with the babies doing what you did, too much ans starting to bleed again.

 

So I gave it up. We remained at status quo for MONTHS. Dh learned to shop, all I did was take care of babies and rest. I vacuumed once in a while. But I was NOT going to land myself in the hosp by doing too much too fast.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

If I were there, I would help.

[AngelBee]

I have no idea! I came home with number 4 as a single mom and not only had to deal with the kids the house I started back for Fall semester a week after she was born. Did I mention I also had surgery when she was a day old? I cannot remember the last time I rested or had a break lol. Good luck

 

:grouphug: Wish I could have been there to help you.

[ElizaG]

:grouphug: I agree with the PPs that the mother of a newborn needs & deserves help, preferably for the first few weeks.

 

If there's no way at all that you can arrange that, then plan B:

 

childproofed, gated family room with a crib or bassinet and nursing & diaper changing supplies;

 

reasonably healthy and non-messy takeout food (get DH to bring home enough for a couple of meals), or the aforementioned peanut butter sandwiches;

 

TV, online videos, or audiobooks to use as needed.

 

A newborn swing like the Boppy can also be helpful when you need extra hands for a few minutes.

 

It's not pretty, but it beats wearing yourself out and having long-term health consequences. BTDT. :tongue_smilie:

[Stayseeliz]

My #4 will be 6 months old tomorrow and I still find that I have to go less and let things go more. I just can't get it all done with a hubby that works all the time!

[UnsinkableKristen]

Oh Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

 

More than anything it just helps to have "permission" to be resting. I am a naturally super-high energy person and the last few months of pregnancy were really difficult for me feeling so run down. I've just been so excited to have *any* sort of energy that I know I've done too much. DH has been gently trying to remind me to sit and rest and to quit doing everything, and today he finally not-so-gently told me to get my behind on the couch and to take my pain medicine.

 

We have people from church that will be bringing us dinner starting next week and DH is a wonderful help when I will let him. The kids are all being good about picking up after themselves and letting me rest with the baby.

 

It really is *me* that is the problem. I just want to jump right into doing the housework and the schoolwork and the errands because it's been so long since I've been interested in any of that.

 

It helps to have people give me legitimate reasons for resting. You are all right, I do NOT want to make my recovery take any longer and I certainly don't want to end up back in the hospital later.

[PentecostalMom]

DH has been gently trying to remind me to sit and rest and to quit doing everything, and today he finally not-so-gently told me to get my behind on the couch and to take my pain medicine.

 

My dh does that to me as well. With last dd, I was at Target (needed clothes, she was bigger than expected and nothing we had fit her) & Publix the day after she was born at a birth center. Dh was with me, but I *insisted* on going. I ended up leaving Publix in tears because I was so exhausted! Let dh help. He really wants to! I know it is hard to let go.

 

Be thankful you have people bringing food, we won't have that and didn't have it last time. I am due on October 7th!

[Aubrey]

It really is *me* that is the problem. I just want to jump right into doing the housework and the schoolwork and the errands because it's been so long since I've been interested in any of that.

 

It helps to have people give me legitimate reasons for resting. You are all right, I do NOT want to make my recovery take any longer and I certainly don't want to end up back in the hospital later.

 

I think something that might help, then, is to have something productive you CAN do from the sofa. Read aloud, research curric for next year--something you're interested in now & can do w/out overdoing. :001_smile:

 

My problem isn't a surge of energy but boredom. :lol:

[Tammyla]

Congratulations.

 

Do allow yourself to rest and recover; your recovery will be quicker and those who love you will be happy to have you back. (Let them be needed, because it will help you and them through the transition.):grouphug:.

 

 

You can make lists from the couch and have one of your kids post them on the refrigerator. Family and visitors love helping and crossing things off your lists. (This helps those of us who have trouble asking for help get it without feeling pushy.)

Edited September 23, 2011 by Tammyla

[Aura]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I completely agree with PPs who said that you NEED to rest. I know it's not always possible, and I hate that some women don't have the support they need after childbirth. :mad: But it sounds like you have a good husband, so make sure you're both on the same page and REST.

 

Do NOT let your body or your mind fool you into thinking that you don't need it. In a couple of weeks, as you're feeling better, remind yourself that you MUST give your body the chance to heal. You really need to be laying down as much as is possible for the first six weeks. Even sitting puts a lot of pressure on areas that need to be rested and given the opportunity to heal.

 

Don't let crazy stories of mothers "way back when" who came in from the fields, gave birth and still had supper on the table for their husbands convince you to move off that bed. IF those stories are even true, they certainly weren't the norm. :glare: Fairfarmhand has it right. Traditionally, new moms were expected to STAY IN BED.

 

One more thing, and it's only a theory that I have, but it seems to me that childbirth itself does a number on all your pelvic muscles and if they're not given the chance to rest and heal properly, they're not going to be able to continue holding things in place the way they're supposed to.

 

(I don't believe that all prolapse is caused by insufficient resting after giving birth, but I do believe that insuffcient resting can significantly contribute to prolapse, and other birth factors combined with it can even cause it.)

 

This is coming from a mom of six who was notorious for NOT resting. :glare: If I ever have any more kids, I've already told my dh that I'm to STAY IN BED for six weeks, even if he has to tie me down. :tongue_smilie:

 

Aura

[8circles]

Just do the bare minimum & let everything else go. Seriously. Keep everyone fed & safe & muddle throught the rest.

 

Congratulations, btw! Try to enjoy your precious bundle. Without tripping on the piles of laundry (clean & dirty) or the puzzle pieces.

 

It'll get better before you know it. :grouphug:

[mamajudy]

Congratulations! It sounds like you are blessed with a supportive and understanding husband. Relax and enjoy it. Your body needs time to recover. Books and movies sound like a nice way to spend time with all the children. Forget about housework.:)

[twoxcell]

I have no idea either, and my 4th is almost 2. My dh was able to take the first week off of work so I got some rest that week. My FIL had a major heart attack about 3 days after my 4th was born though so on the 4th day my dh went to the hospital with his mom the entire day and I was alone with all 4. If you have over done it put some movies in, give the kids a snack, and lie down. :grouphug:

[bzymom]

It is a mystery to me.

 

I overdid it after my fourth, and hemorrhaged (while ironing), so please do try to find ways to take it easy.

 

If men had babies, it would be six weeks in the hospital with spa services.:tongue_smilie:

[jennsmile]

:grouphug:

 

:bigear:

 

My fourth is due in Feb....I have now idea how I am going to do it. I do know I will be resting, my kids will be enjoying netflix and frozen/crockpot dinners. My 9 yo will be an awesome helper and he can use the stove for eggs or ramen. Think we may need to expand his cooking ability...

 

Laundry is my biggest fear....

[twoforjoy]

After the new baby was born, DH was home the first week, and my parents were here the second week. So, I really didn't do much but care for the baby. I think that really helped because by three weeks after I gave birth, I felt about ready to go back to normal.

[justamouse]

It really is *me* that is the problem. I just want to jump right into doing the housework and the schoolwork and the errands because it's been so long since I've been interested in any of that.

 

It helps to have people give me legitimate reasons for resting. You are all right, I do NOT want to make my recovery take any longer and I certainly don't want to end up back in the hospital later.

 

 

Ahh that's the nesting kicking in. Crochet. Knit. Read, research, sew, SOMETHING. But keep your butt planted and rest.

[UnsinkableKristen]

Thanks again! I've spend the rest of the afternoon laying on the couch while the kids all rested and I feel MUCH better. I've even noticed a major decrease in bleeding - which is always nice.

 

I told Dh that I was going to try to stay laying down as much as possible this weekend and he was pleased. Once I get past that whole "Must Be Superwoman" thing, I know I'll appreciate the rest I'm giving myself.

[texasmama]

:grouphug: I did not rest after baby #4. I really had very little help and other kids to take care of so I just dealt. It was unfun so here is a :grouphug:. I had increased bleeding, too, which was probably related to my activity level after birth.

 

I am terrible at asking for help, and no one seemed to realize that I might need it. (My mother was in a nursing home at that point, and my dh's family was kind of clueless...) I did have a couple of friends bring some meals, but that is about the extent of it. I might have gotten more help if I had asked. I came home from the hospital the day after baby #4 was born (and I had had a postpartum hemmorhage) and started all of the laundry which had accumulated while I was gone giving birth for 36 hours. :glare:

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

Last time around I planned one month of easy to make and freezer meals. Otherwise, we read lots of books on the couch. :) I was lucky that my baby was very easy going and took well to whatever the rest of us did.

[Aubrey]

You guys are scaring me. Dh just found out that he won't be able to take any time off when the baby comes--not even the day of the birth. I'm starting to think induction, so we can at least coordinate w/ his days off. If that doesn't work, I'm thinking of just handling the whole thing myself so I don't have to worry about childcare or dh getting fired. I mean...I've done this before...how hard could it be, right? Turn a movie on for the kids, have a baby, take a nap. Right? :confused:

[twoforjoy]

You guys are scaring me. Dh just found out that he won't be able to take any time off when the baby comes--not even the day of the birth. I'm starting to think induction, so we can at least coordinate w/ his days off. If that doesn't work, I'm thinking of just handling the whole thing myself so I don't have to worry about childcare or dh getting fired. I mean...I've done this before...how hard could it be, right? Turn a movie on for the kids, have a baby, take a nap. Right? :confused:

 

How old are your kids?

 

I had a very, very easy time resting after my DD was born. My DS was 6, and he didn't need much hands-on care. I was able to get lots of rest after DD was born, even when I didn't have any help.

 

After the new baby was born was a different story. DD was only 17 months old. And, she's a HUGE 17 month old, so there was this 30-pound toddler who needed to be put in and out of her crib, in and out of her high chair, and up and down off the changing table. I had a very easy delivery and a smooth recovery, but even so, there's no way I would have been up to caring for her alone the first 2 weeks.

[Enough]

Well, I've only had two :) but after the 2nd was born, we had PB & J for lunch for at least a month. (And these were prepared in bulk by my DH every Sunday, for the week ahead.) And we stayed home and babymooned for at least a few weeks. Read books, played outside (me sitting in a lawn chair nursing the baby), DS built with Bristle Blocks while I sat on the sofa etc.

 

Yeah, it is okay (and healthy) to REST, mama! :)

 

I didn't have a ton of help, but DH fed my oldest breakfast before he left for work and dinner was something from the freezer. Or pizza/takeout.

 

And, say YES to any offer of help. :)

[I.Dup.]

Just force yourself to rest and try to enjoy it! Lay in bed and nurse and read. Getting whatever help is available is so worth it. I've heard too many horror stories of prolapses to push myself too hard anymore (although I have the same issue and want to be going as soon as possible). Rest really is important, if for nothing else, it helps your organs get back into their proper positions. :tongue_smilie::blink:

[Aubrey]

How old are your kids?

 

I had a very, very easy time resting after my DD was born. My DS was 6, and he didn't need much hands-on care. I was able to get lots of rest after DD was born, even when I didn't have any help.

 

After the new baby was born was a different story. DD was only 17 months old. And, she's a HUGE 17 month old, so there was this 30-pound toddler who needed to be put in and out of her crib, in and out of her high chair, and up and down off the changing table. I had a very easy delivery and a smooth recovery, but even so, there's no way I would have been up to caring for her alone the first 2 weeks.

 

The youngest is 3, & the big ones are a huge help. I'm not worried about taking care of the kids after the birth as much as I am *during* lol.

[Stayseeliz]

You just have to FORCE yourself to rest. Lots of tv, videos, etc. Anything (moral) goes at this point. I was on bedrest for 8 weeks in the spring with 9, 6 and 3 year olds to occupy. They watched tons of tv while I cried and stressed and worried that they weren't getting enough and they are FINE. Perfectly fine! I had a hard time forcing myself to rest after the baby came home though especially since I was "off" bedrest and I went too much. I bled like crazy and exhausted myself. It was bad. Just let things go!!

[ktgrok]

an older woman I knew a long time ago said that mothers of past generations were expected to not leave their beds for about 4 weeks after childbirth if at all possible.

 

yup. My midwife, a very strong woman who tolerates NO whining or self pity, expects all mothers to spend the first 2 weeks doing as little as possible. Laying around nursing is the only business she should be doing if at all possible. Her reasoning is that if you rest for the first two weeks you are mostly back to normal at the end of them. If you push it and do too much in those first two weeks it takes many more weeks to get back to normal. Not worth it.

 

I agree, watch educational tv, rent movies, read books, and let the house be a mess until daddy gets home. Or teach the kids to clean, and use candy or stickers as rewards. Sit there like a queen, make it a game and knight them, lol. Give directions like 'go pick up every toy on the left side of the room" and then reward with a "royal sticker" when they do it. Let them compete for stickers to show off to dad when he gets home. Etc.

[ktgrok]

It is a mystery to me.

 

I overdid it after my fourth, and hemorrhaged (while ironing), so please do try to find ways to take it easy.

 

If men had babies, it would be six weeks in the hospital with spa services.:tongue_smilie:

 

You were ironing right after having your 4th baby? Honey, wear the clothes wrinkled or just throw them back in the dryer!!!

 

Easy for me to say now, of course :)

[MelanieM]

We have similar aged kids, and I also just had #4. My husband was around for 10 days after baby was born, which was super helpful. Then I had a week alone with them, followed by a visit by my mother. So I did get time to rest, which was much needed as I had a postpartum hemorrhage after her birth and was pretty shaky the first week especially.

 

So I'm joining the choir and saying yes, rest! We've done too much television (I'm singing Wiggles songs in my sleep!) these past weeks, but the kids will survive it!

 

One thing I've found super helpful is doing "monkey plates" for lunch. Basically we have fruit, veggies, crackers, cheese, meat, etc. all chopped up and each kid gets a plate with their preferences. No cooking, easy to eat, and they're actually having more well rounded meals than some of the cooked options I would be otherwise serving at the moment. Plus it's really helpful for me personally to have lots of healthy snacks ready to eat, because I tend to not eat at all otherwise.

 

Enjoy your babymoon, and all those newborn snuggles. This time goes by sooooo fast!!

[MelanieM]

You guys are scaring me. Dh just found out that he won't be able to take any time off when the baby comes--not even the day of the birth. I'm starting to think induction, so we can at least coordinate w/ his days off. If that doesn't work, I'm thinking of just handling the whole thing myself so I don't have to worry about childcare or dh getting fired. I mean...I've done this before...how hard could it be, right? Turn a movie on for the kids, have a baby, take a nap. Right? :confused:

 

Women often wait to go into labour until things are 'safe', so chances are good that you will naturally have this baby when your husband is there and you're feeling like it's a good time. :grouphug: I personally wouldn't medically induce because it increases your risks for all sorts of other things that would make recovery a longer/harder process. But there are natural induction things to try when/if you feel a need to do that. Either way, I'm sure it will all work out beautifully, and I will hold that vision for you. :D

[Pretty in Pink]

• Use one of those supermarket shopping services. You go online, order the groceries, and then just drive up to have them loaded in your vehicle. Harris Teeter offers this service for just 5.00 per order or 16.00 per month unlimited. You can do the 'shopping' and your dh can do the 'pick up'.
  
• Let the kids prepare their own breakfasts and lunches. Seven and five are old enough to pour cereal and make sandwiches; or, ask your dh to pack their lunches the night before and place them in the fridge.
  
• Ask your dh to wash, dry, and fold one load of laundry each night when he gets home from work. If he does it *daily* it will keep the laundry caught up.
  
• Let the kids and dh do the sweeping and general tidying up and such. It might not be *perfect* but it's better than nothing, and it's free!
  

[ktgrok]

Women often wait to go into labour until things are 'safe', so chances are good that you will naturally have this baby when your husband is there and you're feeling like it's a good time. :grouphug: I personally wouldn't medically induce because it increases your risks for all sorts of other things that would make recovery a longer/harder process. But there are natural induction things to try when/if you feel a need to do that. Either way, I'm sure it will all work out beautifully, and I will hold that vision for you. :D

 

Agreed. I knew a woman in this exact scenario. It was her second baby, and her dh had a new job. So they induced with the idea he would at least have the weekend with her before going back to work. Yeah...she ended up with a c-section because the pitocin caused distress in the baby (as it OFTEN does) and then she had to recover on her own from major surgery, with her husband unable to take time off. She now tells EVERYONE that getting induced was the dumbest thing she could have done. She is very very bitter about doing it actually.

[KungFuPanda]

Do you have a homeschooling community with teenaged girls? They have energy, want spending money, and work for so very little. Just think, if you had a girl for just two hours once or twice a week, that first hour she could throw in a load of clothes, vacuum, wipe down bathrooms, empty and reload the dishwasher, and sweep up the kitchen floor. The second hour she could throw the clothes in the dryer and take the 3 oldest outside to play.

 

That's just an example of what would be helpful in my house, of course. You might prefer she make lunch or fold clothes, dust. However, for $20 (or whatever is fair in your area) it could really keep you off your feet and improve your quality of life. If the girl is good at it, she'll get calls from new moms until she goes off to college :-)

[ktog29]

Yes! Rest, Mama! DS#5 is almost three weeks old...in the first two weeks, dh spent two days doing hurricane cleanup (leaving me indoors with the 5) and four days cleaning up my parents' house that flooded in NY with my oldest two (you know, the ones that actually HELP!). Those were things dh needed to do but I'm still a total wreck after almost three weeks. Tired, weepy (and I've NEVER cried after having a baby...I've always been euphoric before...but then, I always got to REST before), grouchy and feeling overwhelmed...yup, that's me. We started back to school this week and I cried at least three times each day.

 

So yes, you should rest because if you don't, you'll be a caffeine addicted wreck like I am ;););)

[Sahamamama]

:grouphug: If you can establish an early afternoon Quiet/Nap time, that might be a solution. We have a rest time every afternoon (2-4 pm) and always have. Even your 7 and 5 year olds can be put down for a quiet time every day. They stay in their room(s), perhaps on their beds, but they may not come out, except to go to the bathroom. You are only available for emergencies, which you define for them. Put your toddler down for a full-fledged nap, then LIE DOWN.

 

Make meals as simple as possible.

 

Use paper plates for another month, it will not cause the end of the world.

 

Try to go to bed at night as soon as possible.

 

Does your newborn sleep through at all? Hang in there, it can be hard to be so tired. I remember when we brought home our twins, with a toddler at home, and that was my second C-section. Rough, but we got through it.

 

:grouphug:

[Year Round Mom]

I'm expecting with baby #4 due in March, so I'm all ears!

 

See?

 

:bigear:

[fenni]

I had baby no. 6 four months ago. My husband is usually able to take two weeks off and I do nothing but care for the baby. It helps speed recovery sooo much!! I read that suggestion and the benefits of it years ago when I only had one or two kids. We have made it a priority because we wanted my body to hold up to a large family and it has worked great!