My 9yo is embarrassed about her hairy legs.

[mo2]

And they ARE hairy. She gets it from her dad. Some of the women in his family have unibrows, mustaches, hairy toes.... I'm almost to give in and let her shave, because I remember being made fun of for my hairy legs when I was a kid, but that was in 7th grade, not 4th! I don't think her dad would go for it, though. A lot of her friends are 2 to 3 years older than her, so some of them shave, and most of them wear bras. I've decided I will get her a bra so that she won't be embarrassed when she has to change in front of her friends at sleepovers and such, but I am still hesitating on the shaving issue. Can't decide. :confused:

[Ellie]

If it embarrasses her, then of course you must let her shave, regardless of her age.

[Karen in CO]

The time for her to start shaving is when it bothers her.

[Carrie12345]

The time for her to start shaving is when it bothers her.

:iagree:

I'm pretty sure my 9yo will be asking soon. She's well aware of her dark, hairy legs (also from her dad), and well aware that I shave my legs. It's a perfectly innocent grooming task, imo.

[eternalknot]

I come from a fairly hairless people, but I married (and mated!) with someone who must come from the same part of the world as does your daughter's dad. Super hairy women. I've wondered about this with my own daughter, though she's still very young.

 

To me this is a needs-based issue moreso than it is an age-based issue. I had a girlfriend in childhood whose parents wouldn't let her shave until she was 13. She needed to before that. Her experience stuck with me. We're still friends, and now her daughters are in the 8-13 age range. She lets them shave as the needs arises. She's not permanently scarred or anything, but it's one of those memories she's held on to all of these years. And not really forgiven her mother for.

 

I don't remember her being teased, but she was extremely self-conscious and that affected her socially.

 

ETA: does it have to be shaving? What about waxing? Those stinky lotions? That informercial thingy that looks like sandpaper, too, I've seen it at Target LOL.

[mo2]

See, that's what I'm leaning towards, but how to convince daddy that his little girl is growing up?

[Joanne]

Why *wouldn't* you let her shave? :confused::001_huh:

[Ginevra]

They have razors for that.

 

I was hairy (well, am, I guess, in my un-waxed state:D) and it was social agony. My parents had a weird hang-up that required me to be 13 to weed-whack the profuse felting on my legs and in other places, which caused me to vow that any daughter(s) of mine who were old enough to be bothered by hair were old enough to shave it off.

[Lolosoli]

My daughter and I are similar to your daughter. I'd let your daughter shave!!

[Princess Peach]

Why wouldn't you let her shave? I am not being snarky, I am sincerely asking. If it's the risk of cutting herself, you could get her an electric razor. Otherwise, I'd say let her shave if it bothers her.

[mo2]

Oh, here's another question: What is a good, safe razor for a beginner? One that is not easy to cut yourself with? (I use cheap disposables when I shave, which isn't very often.)

[Sophia]

My 12 y.o. has been shaving since she was 9.

My mom was very concerned "Are you sure you should let her do that?"

Why on earth not? There are no adverse effects to shaving legs that I'm aware of and I just told her to go slow to prevent nicks.

[Ginevra]

I come from a fairly hairless people, but I married (and mated!) with someone who must come from the same part of the world as does your daughter's dad. Super hairy women. I've wondered about this with my own daughter, though she's still very young.

 

To me this is a needs-based issue moreso than it is an age-based issue. I had a girlfriend in childhood whose parents wouldn't let her shave until she was 13. She needed to before that. Her experience stuck with me. We're still friends, and now her daughters are in the 8-13 age range. She lets them shave as the needs arises. She's not permanently scarred or anything, but it's one of those memories she's held on to all of these years. And not really forgiven her mother for.

 

I don't remember her being teased, but she was extremely self-conscious and that affected her socially.

 

ETA: does it have to be shaving? What about waxing? Those stinky lotions? That informercial thingy that looks like sandpaper, too, I've seen it at Target LOL.

 

It was ME!!! :D:lol:

What does 13 have to do with it, anyway?

 

And, to the OP, as far as her father goes - I would not make any big deal at all. I might off-handedly remark, "Oh, and DD is shaving now. The hair was bugging her, so - meh."

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

See, that's what I'm leaning towards, but how to convince daddy that his little girl is growing up?

 

Just go and do it without discussing it with him. Buy the razor, teach her to shave, and if he notices you can let him know that it was time. This is a matter of comfort and hygiene, not morality! Dad would be totally getting off on the wrong foot if he started in on her about this, and I wouldn't allow it. He can save the heavy-handedness for dyed hair, boyfriends, and birth control. This is just a little girl who is tired of being hairy-legged in a smooth world.

[Joker]

My oldest just started shaving this week. I bought her the Intuition razor and she didn't even knick herself the first time. She also doesn't need shaving cream and there was no razor burn. Her first experience was much better than mine with the cheap disposables. :D

[mo2]

Why *wouldn't* you let her shave? :confused::001_huh:

 

Why wouldn't you let her shave? I am not being snarky, I am sincerely asking. If it's the risk of cutting herself, you could get her an electric razor. Otherwise, I'd say let her shave if it bothers her.

 

 

I guess I just hadn't thought of her as being that grown up. She seems so young in other ways. She's at a weird in-between stage of wanting to grow up and wanting to remain a baby. She thinks she can shave her legs, but she thinks she can't make her own glass of milk because she'll spill the pitcher of milk. :001_huh:

 

And my mom didn't let me shave until I was, like, 12 or 13.

[Karen in CO]

Oh, here's another question: What is a good, safe razor for a beginner? One that is not easy to cut yourself with? (I use cheap disposables when I shave, which isn't very often.)

 

I like those venus or intuitions razors. I think she'd be less likely to cut herself with something like that. but then again, my dd isn't shaving yet, so I only have experience as a person who has shaved, not as a person with a little girls who shaves.

 

 

In my house, shaving falls under girl-hygiene, which isn't an area where guys get a voice. :)

[Punchie]

Our DDs will probably be shaving early as well. They got the short end of the hairy genetics stick from both sides of the family. Women on my side are euphemistically referred to as "fuzzy", and DH is a bear. DD is already aware of how hairy her legs are at barely 5 yrs old. And they are really hairy - thankfully blonde though.

 

Would broaching it as a self-esteem issue work w/your DH? Could your DD talk to him about how it makes her feel? Maybe hearing it from her would help.

 

I don't know which razors would be good. Sugaring is an option - less painful than waxing. Waxing isn't going to be horrifically painful though as she's never shaved so the hairs aren't growing back gnarly.

[Elisabeth in IL]

And, to the OP, as far as her father goes - I would not make any big deal at all. I might off-handedly remark, "Oh, and DD is shaving now. The hair was bugging her, so - meh."

I was wondering why one would even have to mention it to dh at all. I would just let her do it and only say something if he notices. I only have boys so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. I expect my boys to approach dh about boy hygiene or other physical issues and leave me out of it. Does he want to know when she starts menstruating? Is that something that one shares with the dad? I'm a bit clueless on the dad / daughter dynamic with something like this.

[Joanne]

I guess I just hadn't thought of her as being that grown up. She seems so young in other ways. She's at a weird in-between stage of wanting to grow up and wanting to remain a baby. She thinks she can shave her legs, but she thinks she can't make her own glass of milk because she'll spill the pitcher of milk. :001_huh:

 

And my mom didn't let me shave until I was, like, 12 or 13.

 

Thanks for taking my question so graciously. It must have read very harshly; I apologize. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

I'm another when-she-is-ready-then-it-is-time person. Dd *needs* to do it but isn't comfortable yet. So she has her little safety razor just gathering dust in the cabinet. When she is ready she will use it.

[mo2]

Thanks for taking my question so graciously. It must have read very harshly; I apologize. :grouphug:

 

 

Oh Joanne, I wouldn't interpret anything you said as harsh. I really, really enjoy reading your advice and I love looking around your website. You've got a lot of things figured out that I don't yet.

[Alphabetika]

If it embarrasses her, then of course you must let her shave, regardless of her age.

 

:iagree:IMHO, whatever consequences you're imagining will happen from shaving her legs are less than the emotional consequences of her being teased. Kids can be remarkably cruel.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Shaving is a "when you think you need to" thing.

 

I can't imagine why NOT to let her at 9 assuming she's not going to chase her little brother around the house with a razor at any point.

[Abigail4476]

My oldest daughter started shaving at 9 or 10 for the same reason. It's not a "grownup" thing; it's a personal hygiene thing. And your husband doesn't have to have much input, IMO. Mine certainly didn't. It falls right into the same category as advising them on pads/tampons and using deodorant. Totally a Mommy/daughter conversation.

[mo2]

I was wondering why one would even have to mention it to dh at all. I would just let her do it and only say something if he notices. I only have boys so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. I expect my boys to approach dh about boy hygiene or other physical issues and leave me out of it. Does he want to know when she starts menstruating? Is that something that one shares with the dad? I'm a bit clueless on the dad / daughter dynamic with something like this.

 

 

Well, in our house, dad would definitely notice. Small house, one bathroom (with a door that hardly anyone ever remembers to close), extra razor hanging in the shower, dd spending so much time in the bathroom....yeah, he would notice. Oh, and I don't mean to make it sound like he will say no necessarily. I just don't think he'll particularly LIKE the idea. He thinks girls try to grow up too fast these days.

[SonshineLearner]

My oldest just started shaving this week. I bought her the Intuition razor and she didn't even knick herself the first time. She also doesn't need shaving cream and there was no razor burn. Her first experience was much better than mine with the cheap disposables. :D

 

And your mom didn't let you shave, because... you didn't need to... I think these are the razors we use. They have a built in head of shaving bar.... Remind your daughter...

Don't touch the blades, they will cut you. (Ask me how I know :))

Be careful right behind your knees and at your ankle... especially at spots that stick out.

Don't shave your wa-ku ;) unless you want it to itch like bloody heck. (Yup, that happens as they sometimes don't like the way it looks/feels when they're young..... Shaving there is for olders... if they want to... Just let them at least know it itches really bad growing back)

If you do have a problem with the above, then look into the boy short swimsuits, they are a fast easy non scratchy way of covering up for comfort :)

Rinse the blades, but call mom if you need hairs unstuck, or teach her how to go in the direction of the blades....

Enjoy the complaints about "always needing to shave" ;)

[mo2]

assuming she's not going to chase her little brother around the house with a razor at any point.

 

 

I can't entirely rule that possibility out. :glare:

 

:lol:

[Mesa]

I'm the hairy person in this family... I also have dark hair and light skin. It's embarrassing to me STILL. I cannot go more than a day without shaving and even then I get a 5 oclock shadow on my legs! You can see the hair through my pale skin even when my legs are freshly shaven... IT SUCKS!

Anyways... my dd is (so far) a blondie, but unfortunately at 4 her leg hair is already coming in pretty thick. She will likely be shaving at 9 like your dd. I'm planning on buying her an electric shaver for her legs...when the time does come.

I need to find me a laser hair thing I can just use at home!

[Alveraz]

Just go and do it without discussing it with him.

 

Ouch, I wouldn't do this. This is your husband. Sit him down and have a conversation about it. Maybe you've created the idea he'll freak out? Who knows maybe he'll shrug it off and let your daughter do what she needs to do. I'm just saying, don't try to hide anything or enter the world of lies (albeit small ones). It's not healthy for anyone. It's a natural process and she's ready to shave, just tell your husband how you feel. Good luck! :)

[Karen in CO]

I'm another when-she-is-ready-then-it-is-time person. Dd *needs* to do it but isn't comfortable yet. So she has her little safety razor just gathering dust in the cabinet. When she is ready she will use it.

 

Safety razor? Please tell me about safety razors.

[LidiyaDawn]

And they ARE hairy. She gets it from her dad. Some of the women in his family have unibrows, mustaches, hairy toes.... I'm almost to give in and let her shave, because I remember being made fun of for my hairy legs when I was a kid, but that was in 7th grade, not 4th! I don't think her dad would go for it, though. A lot of her friends are 2 to 3 years older than her, so some of them shave, and most of them wear bras. I've decided I will get her a bra so that she won't be embarrassed when she has to change in front of her friends at sleepovers and such, but I am still hesitating on the shaving issue. Can't decide. :confused:

 

I haven't read the whole thread…but I'd show her how and just not say anything to her father… it's a private, girls only thing. ;)

[SunD]

It's definitely a sign of growing up, but let's put it this way. The hair isn't going to go away if you or DH forbids her from shaving. The only thing accomplished by forcing her to be hairy is going to be teasing, humiliation, and tears. She's growing up whether you want her to or not. If this is going to be a good time in her life, she needs support and advice. Just before entering puberty is not an age when I'd want her to be uncomfortable with her body. That's how I'd frame the discussion if your DH has a negative opinion.

 

Feel free to tell your DD that I've had to shave my toes since I was 10. :tongue_smilie:

[golfcartmama]

If it embarrasses her, then of course you must let her shave, regardless of her age.

 

I agree.:iagree:Especially since she's 9. If she was 5, I might have a different answer.

[LidiyaDawn]

Ouch, I wouldn't do this. This is your husband.

 

What, so he has to know every private bathroom kinda thing? When dd14 wanted to shave, she came quietly to me and I got her a razor, gel, and taught her. We didn't bring dh into it…nor did we when she needed deodorant or pads.:tongue_smilie:

[KungFuPanda]

Nair?

[Joker]

What, so he has to know every private bathroom kinda thing? When dd14 wanted to shave, she came quietly to me and I got her a razor, gel, and taught her. We didn't bring dh into it…nor did we when she needed deodorant or pads.:tongue_smilie:

 

I honestly never even thought to ask/tell dh before she shaved. She wanted to and there was a need so I showed her and it was done. I don't think dh really wants to know all the personal bathroom girly stuff.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

What, so he has to know every private bathroom kinda thing? When dd14 wanted to shave, she came quietly to me and I got her a razor, gel, and taught her. We didn't bring dh into it…nor did we when she needed deodorant or pads.:tongue_smilie:

 

I'm trying to imagine my mom telling my dad anything about the feminine mystique as concerned his daughter.

 

:001_huh: :lol: :smilielol5: Oh, dear. Families can be so different.

 

My DH doesn't tell me every little thing about the male bonding that goes on in our house, either. There's a limit to how much I care about jock straps, etc.

 

We don't equate privacy with lying.

[Farrar]

I just don't think he'll particularly LIKE the idea. He thinks girls try to grow up too fast these days.

 

I think what you have to show him is that there are two types of "growing up" - one is a physical growth issue. If your dd was getting too tall for her clothes, you wouldn't make her wear little kid ones! The shaving is like that. She's hitting some early puberty signs and that's a physical change. You don't want her to get the message that there's anything wrong with that.

 

The other type of "growing up" stuff is cultural and social. Wearing certain sorts of clothes, talking about certain things, reading certain books, etc. etc. Your dh needs to understand that shaving isn't a social growing up thing - it's a physical one. If anything, allowing her to shave will let her fit in with her "little kid" friends better instead of giving her a "big kid" thing to be angst-ridden and defiant over.

[Alveraz]

What, so he has to know every private bathroom kinda thing? When dd14 wanted to shave, she came quietly to me and I got her a razor, gel, and taught her. We didn't bring dh into it…nor did we when she needed deodorant or pads.:tongue_smilie:

 

That's a little different than withholding information you think will upset your husband when he's going to find out anyway. Your husband clearly didnt need to know because he didnt care. Clearly her husband does care. Lying to him to evade his opinion about something he might feel strongly about isn't a good idea and last I checked not conducive with some people's marriage vows.

[Miss Peregrine]

This just came up with DD, 11. her hair is very blond but she has a lot of it.

 

It was at night when she asked me and I said, "not tonight." I wasn't prepared for her to ask so young(IMO) DD 15 started shaving at 13, without asking me and I was fine with that. It is a personal decision. But for some reason, I didn't picture this DD wanting to do it so early.

 

Honestly? I don't want her to because I don't want anyone to look down on me for letting her do it so early. Dumb, but there it is.

[msk]

I agree with letting her shave when she really wants to, but I am going to be sad when my girls start shaving.

 

I shave, but I wish I didn't. I am a hairy person, and I wish society hadn't made me see the hair I naturally have on my legs as ugly. But I DO see it as ugly-- I've gone without shaving for longish periods and just couldn't stand it. I don't want to make my daughters suffer through the self-consciousness of being the hairiest person in the room in a society that says hairiness is unattractive in women, but that doesn't mean I won't be sad when it shows up.

 

I agree with the electric razor suggestion. They don't give as smooth a shave, but they're quick, easy, and impossible to cut yourself with.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

That's a little different than withholding information you think will upset your husband when he's going to find out anyway. Your husband clearly didnt need to know because he didnt care. Clearly her husband does care. Lying to him to evade his opinion about something he might feel strongly about isn't a good idea and last I checked not conducive with some people's marriage vows.

 

Alveraz, yesterday you defended strip club visits for married men. Today you say that wives should not make decisions concerning the feminine care of their daughters without Dad's knowledge and approval. Are all your family beliefs weighted in favor of men over women? If so, is that a perspective based on your religious beliefs? Feel free not to answer; I'm just curious.

[Running the race]

If it embarrasses her, teach her to shave her legs. My just-turned 10yo has hairy legs. So far she hasn't been bothered by it.

[soonermomma]

I grew up having extremely hairy legs and unfortunately my oldest dd8 got them too. They bothered her, same as they did me when I was young, so I let her start shaving at the beginning of this summer. I bought her a good electric razor and showed her how to use it. She will not be allowed to shave with a regular razor until she is older. She shaved a lot at first, but now just once every week or so. Just enough to where they aren't bushy hairy. My DH was very understanding of how it bothered her, so he backed my decision to buy her the electric razor.

[Alveraz]

Today you say that wives should not make decisions concerning the feminine care of their daughters without Dad's knowledge and approval.

 

I never said this. Get your facts straight first, then I'll answer whatever you'd like.

[tntgoodwin]

As a father, it wouldn't bother me.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I never said this. Get your facts straight first, then I'll answer whatever you'd like.

 

Well, I thought I had my facts straight, so I apologize if I misunderstood. After this reply, I am definitely less curious about your opinions!

[mo2]

 

Honestly? I don't want her to because I don't want anyone to look down on me for letting her do it so early. Dumb, but there it is.

 

Sometimes things matter to us even when we tell ourselves they shouldn't. I do wonder what Grandma is going to say when she notices.

 

I don't think I can afford to buy her an electric razor, but I'll look into those that have the shaving bar/soap thing already attached so we don't have to mess with shaving cream.

[Rebookie]

If I had a daughter who was embarassed of her body hair of course I would let her shave it. I am one of those "hairy" women y'all are talking about. I have hormone issues. If you don't want her to "shave" you could let her "clio palm perfect" it off. Here is a picture..

 

It doesn't shave down to where it's smooth (so daddy won't be too upset).It does cut it down close to the skin. It's a great razor and she won't cut herself. I get mine at walgreens/riteaid/cvs.