Janie Grace Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 This was said to us by a couple that we met at a college reunion. They were sort of grinning ruefully and it was right after they shot each other shocked looks about the fact that we have FIVE. Their kids are 4 and 8. I really don't get this. Do you think that was a tongue in cheek comment? A joke? Because surely if there was this kind of strife/animosity, they wouldn't tell a complete stranger. Right? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 That's puzzling. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Well, I'm thinkin' my 14 yo hates my guts a lot of the time these days. But 4 & 8? That's a bit young to hate your parents. My kids didn't hate me until they hit the teen years (hard). My 5 & 9 yo still love me. I'm hoping that by the time they are teens, the older ones will love me again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 It may have been an inside joke that was prompted by shared pain. Perhaps they were hoping for commiseration from you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 It was probably (hopefully?) an exaggeration of "our kids want nothing to do with us". That unfortunately is not unusual around my neighborhood, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I used to hear that kind of thing thrown around a lot by parents, particularly by my parents' generation. Don't you KNOW that there is supposed to be a generation gap that separates us and neither can understand that other? :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 If they do it is probably a learned behavior from school then the 4-year old picked up on it from the older sibling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 If they do it is probably a learned behavior from school then the 4-year old picked up on it from the older sibling. :iagree: But it's still puzzling :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 If they do it is probably a learned behavior from school then the 4-year old picked up on it from the older sibling. :iagree: I bet that's what it is. So sad. I think many parents don't realize that their relationship with their children can be a loving, respectful one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) I don't know. My DH and I have some jokes between the two of us that outsiders might think are odd. We try not to say them around other people though so it's hard to know if the couple was making an attempt at humor or not. A favorite saying: "DH, it is STILL illegal to beat them. However, I won't report you." - Said when Little Librarian or niece is acting like they've been posessed. BTW, we really don't beat them. Right now we're trying to adopt and the saying that we use the most in our house is, "I hope our next batch of kids is half as awesome as Little Librarian and niece are." Just so you don't think we're totally jerks as parents. :001_smile: Edited July 26, 2011 by aggieamy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Well, I'm thinkin' my 14 yo hates my guts a lot of the time these days. But 4 & 8? That's a bit young to hate your parents. My kids didn't hate me until they hit the teen years (hard). My 5 & 9 yo still love me. I'm hoping that by the time they are teens, the older ones will love me again... :iagree: My 15 and 13 yos hate us sometimes. But, they're teens. It's normal. I know that wouldn't have been true when my kids were littles. In fact, my 11 yo still cuddles with me regularly and doesn't have a hateful bone in his body!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Maybe they are horrible people, or maybe they were joking around as many here do. Some people use the phrases, 'I am a mean mom!" or "I am a Tiger Mom!" when they are telling others they have high standards. I wouldn't put a whole lot of thought into a throw -away comment. It was a reunion, too, so not everyone was a 'total stranger." Maybe their kids hate their guts because they make them practice violin or something. Try not to let it worry you too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 This was said to us by a couple that we met at a college reunion. They were sort of grinning ruefully and it was right after they shot each other shocked looks about the fact that we have FIVE. Their kids are 4 and 8. I really don't get this. Do you think that was a tongue in cheek comment? A joke? Because surely if there was this kind of strife/animosity, they wouldn't tell a complete stranger. Right? :confused: I have heard this kind of thing before. It always puzzles me and makes me kind of sad at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) I wouldn't put a whole lot of thought into a throw -away comment. It was a reunion, too, so not everyone was a 'total stranger." Maybe their kids hate their guts because they make them practice violin or something. Try not to let it worry you too much. I'm not worried; I was just puzzled and wondered if anyone here could help me interpret it. We are not around these kinds of people a lot (professionals who both work, kids in ps, etc). I honestly just wanted someone to help me get a bead on this kind of comment. It was said to us only, a couple they had never met in spite of attending the same college, so we definitely were total strangers. And it was said like this, "Oh, well we have two kids, 4 and 8. They hate our guts." I just didn't get it. I wasn't trying to judge them (they are terrible people) -- I don't know them from Adam. They are wonderful parents, for all I know. I just couldn't figure out if it was humor, or just extreme openness, or if this kind of sentiment from one's elementary-aged kids is "normal." Edited July 26, 2011 by Janie Grace clarifying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 I have heard this kind of thing before. It always puzzles me and makes me kind of sad at the same time. That's how it made me feel. I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry"? Fake a laugh? Some kind of response as if I can identify so that they don't feel awkward? I didn't know what they expected, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Maybe they had a rough day with the kids, or the kids were really mad about being left with a sitter or something. I told DH the other day that DD (who is 16 months old) hates me after a really tough day with her. Now, if they said "We hate their guts," that would get me concerned. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 That's how it made me feel. I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry"? Fake a laugh? Some kind of response as if I can identify so that they don't feel awkward? I didn't know what they expected, KWIM? I definitely KWYM! Whenever I don't know what to say, I change the subject. That usually gets me past the awkwardness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I think I would have smiled and asked "why?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 that just makes me sad. 4 and 8 yos normally think their parents are the best! All I can think of is that just before you saw them there was a blow-up over having to clean the house or something! ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I think it was probably just a joke. I think we read to much into what other parents say sometimes. You didn't know them so give them the benefit of the doubt. All of us are hearing it out of context from someone who doesn't know them. I think WE can give them the benefit of the doubt too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I have a 4 year old nephew who has spent 40+ hours a week in low quality daycare almost from birth. He is actually a really sweet boy AWAY from his parents. I can almost not tolerate him when he is with his parents. It seems almost every waking moment he spends with them is spent pushing their buttons and getting attention any way possible. So I could totally imagine my brother and SIL saying something like this, sadly. That said, my DH and I are known to throw around snarky humor under our breaths now and again, so hopefully it was a joke! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Someone once told me that if the kids didn't hate the parents, the parents weren't doing a good job at parenting. I guessed she was trying to justify some issue in her mind and didn't even go there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Telling people things like that appears to be a new cultural norm. At least, that's what I'm telling myself after hearing about one woman's dd's psychological issues, meds list and the behavioral side effects of them, when I met her picking up my kids in the play area after my workout... And the gruesome details of the fertility of a new employee who was supposed to be shadowing me at work... I think our relatively anonymous culture makes people force intimacy on literal strangers. I wish they'd stop. I feel like I need to at least know your name before you start divulging the details of your daughter's therapy to me. Otherwise, I feel like some skeevy psychotherapy voyeur. But yeah, if some complete stranger told me their young children hated them, I'd probably get that horror smile and ask why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 A while after my kids started homeschooling and were feeling comfortable with it, they confided in me that it was really uncool to love your parents, at school. They were ages 7 and 9. So, that is the school culture- normal to hate your parents. I was sooo happy we started homeschooling when we did and didnt' leave it any later. It was hard enough to convert ddthen9 over to homeschooling as it was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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