Expecting pay to babysit another hs child?

[extrafor6]

I have a dilemma and thought this would be the perfect place to ask advice ;)

My very close friend will be homeschooling her dd for the first time in the fall. Previously she was in private school. My friend works two days a week. Her husband is off one of those days and will keep dd himself. My friend and I have discussed allowing her dd to join us the other day and I will keep her.

As my husband and I were discussing this, he asked how much she would be paying me. I'd never thought of it until then. I always watch my friend's children when they have appointements, dates with their hubbies and even overnight trips.

My husband's point is that my friend will be getting paid (and she is a therapist so she makes a good salary) while I'm watching her child.

What would you do and how would you even bring this up with the friend?

Thanks in advance for the input!

[ChristusG]

I would definitely expect pay if the parents are going to work and need regular care. A day here or a day there, I would do for free. But as a regular baby sitter, I'd expect to be paid.

 

As for bringing it up to her....I'm not good at those type of things LOL.

[Just Kate]

Well, I work part-time and a friend of mine is watching my ds two days per week next year. I assumed from the beginning that I would pay her. We haven't worked out a price yet (I have brought it up several times she just says "I don't know"), but of course I will pay her. Like the PP, I have no idea how you should bring it up though.

[lmrich]

You can tell her casually that you are looking forward to next year and would like to discuss details, such as her expectations of what you should cover that day, allergies, and compensation. I would never expect a friend to help me out regularly so that she can go to work.

[Samiam]

I agree....once in a while type thing, no problem, but every week=job=pay.

[eternalknot]

I'd do it for a very close friend; not necessarily for free, but not for pay. I'd probably have her pay me in food -- bringing over a meal we could all eat, or ordering us pizza for lunch that day or something. Maybe taking my kid/s on her day off for a few hours so I could decompress ... with or without my husband ;)

 

I figure that's the benefit of close friendship. A hand-picked family, of sorts. I'd never ask for financial compensation from a close friend. An aquaintance, sure, but not a close friend. That's beyond keeping score, it's about sometimes you're the giver and sometimes you're the recipient -- and it all evens out in the wash!

[kalanamak]

As my husband and I were discussing this, he asked how much she would be paying me. I'd never thought of it until then.

 

Would you be asking the friend because you want the money or because hubby now wants you to? Does what he said make you feel you are being taken advantage of?

 

Is the child a burden? Are your children thrilled with a visitor? Is this a best friend who'd give you the shirt off her back? What about days this child is sick? Who would be the backup sitter if you cannot? Is this friend careful to reciprocate, with food or help or exchange sitting?

 

I'd have to think these all over before I could come to a decision.

[JennyD]

Would you be asking the friend because you want the money or because hubby now wants you to? Does what he said make you feel you are being taken advantage of?

 

Is the child a burden? Are your children thrilled with a visitor? Is this a best friend who'd give you the shirt off her back? What about days this child is sick? Who would be the backup sitter if you cannot? Is this friend careful to reciprocate, with food or help or exchange sitting?

 

I'd have to think these all over before I could come to a decision.

 

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

Just tell her you want to sit down and discuss the details. Bring it up during the discussion

[abbeyej]

Once in a while for an appointment? I'd do it for free -- though generally I'd also expect that the friend would do the same for me if I needed occasional help.

 

Regular day-care while she goes to work? I'd expect either pay or some sort of explicit barter -- like she teaches your kids piano or handles the transportation for your kids for another activity all the children attend together each week or ... *something*.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I would want some kind of compensation whether it be something like food --or payback in watching your kids---whatever...but certainly needs to be discussed agree with the others on the point that a day or two here and there is different situation than something on an on-going basis.....good luck....hope it works out......

[Unicorn.]

I'd do it for a very close friend; not necessarily for free, but not for pay. I'd probably have her pay me in food -- bringing over a meal we could all eat, or ordering us pizza for lunch that day or something. Maybe taking my kid/s on her day off for a few hours so I could decompress ... with or without my husband ;)

 

I figure that's the benefit of close friendship. A hand-picked family, of sorts. I'd never ask for financial compensation from a close friend. An aquaintance, sure, but not a close friend. That's beyond keeping score, it's about sometimes you're the giver and sometimes you're the recipient -- and it all evens out in the wash!

 

:iagree:

[catz]

For a regular day care type gig like that, I would expect to be paid absolutely. That's a huge hit to your schedule and time and I assumes she wants some level of care and/or schooling since she'll be spending some time with you and not just open play time where you can send all the kids to the back yard.

 

I'd just ask her to sit down and discuss details.

[SonshineLearner]

Will you just be staying home? Or doing Field Trips? I have a boy on Fridays that I watch, and he's about the same age as my son. My olders were suppose to be babysitting as a job, but that's not so much how it's turned out. So, I would do it for free at this point, because him coming is the highlight of the week for my son. She paid $12 for 5 hrs. Seriously, when I was a teen, I made more. For noon-9, it's $20. She's working because they need the money, and we basically use the money for fun stuff.... BTW, she sends the best Thai food, and my husband eats the leftovers, as she usually sends enough for 3 people :)

I might ask for a kitty for "fun stuff" and mention that it's just used as needed, but I wouldn't want to get into having to keep receipts or anything. You could use it for Science Museums... etc. I would mention that my schedule would remain the same, they'd be coming along to whatever I'm doing. Alternatively, you could ask her to watch your kids one of her days off, and have a break. That would be my first choice ;)

[extrafor6]

Would you be asking the friend because you want the money or because hubby now wants you to? Does what he said make you feel you are being taken advantage of?

 

Is the child a burden? Are your children thrilled with a visitor? Is this a best friend who'd give you the shirt off her back? What about days this child is sick? Who would be the backup sitter if you cannot? Is this friend careful to reciprocate, with food or help or exchange sitting?

 

I'd have to think these all over before I could come to a decision.

 

It's certainly not about the money at all. I am only considering it becasue I really want her to be able to homeschool and be successful. I have 4 dc of my own so I'm wasn't looking for an opportunity to homeschool anyone else :) The child is a close friend of my children as well. I don't think my husband thinks we need the money, but I guess his point is that I would be making a weekly commitment, feeding her and supervising her work and doing her math and reading with her. I'm certain my friend would reciprocate with sitting for my children as we already help each other out a great deal. Thanks for all of the advice so far!

[kalanamak]

I'm certain my friend would reciprocate with sitting for my children as we already help each other out a great deal. T

 

If things are tight, I would ask for food money, or donation of staples. Could you make this day a field trip day so there is less bookwork for you? Or hands on science day and art day?

 

For a good friend I rely on, I would do it.

[SnowWhite]

I did this for my best friend, and she INSISTED on paying me, so I accepted $50 a month. (token sum actually)

[Word Nerd]

I paid the going rate when my sister provided childcare for my kids. We still swapped babysitting with each other. I can't imagine expecting anyone to provide long-term child care for free, even if it were my mother.

[Anne]

Would you be asking the friend because you want the money or because hubby now wants you to? Does what he said make you feel you are being taken advantage of?

 

Is the child a burden? Are your children thrilled with a visitor? Is this a best friend who'd give you the shirt off her back? What about days this child is sick? Who would be the backup sitter if you cannot? Is this friend careful to reciprocate, with food or help or exchange sitting?

 

I'd have to think these all over before I could come to a decision.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[kalanamak]

I can't imagine expecting anyone to provide long-term child care for free, even if it were my mother.

 

It depends on the burden. When I was a teen I spent a lot of time watching a child and helping her single mother for no other thought that it seemed the "right" thing to do. I moved away eventually, and 30 years later she returned the favor by visiting my very elderly folks and being a last "new" friend to my mother, who was in her late 80s. While they had many interests in common, I am quite sure my old friend felt good about repaying a favor.

[GardenTenders/Kim]

Just tell her you want to sit down and discuss the details. Bring it up during the discussion

 

Yep this would be perfect, and not sure what your DH is thinking is a fair wage. I wouldn't charge gobs of money, but I think when you will have to be there week in and week out to watch her you should be compensated. You will have to put your life on some sort of hold. n I'm not sure about you, but I like the flexibility we have with homeschooling. You are going to be losing this to some extent.

 

When you sit down with her start by discussing how you plan to include her daughter in your homeschool plans, what is expected from the kids, how if you go to an activity you will take her and she needs to know that you might be driving her daughter to these places, mention that if you go somewhere and there is an entrance fee you will let her know in advance, that you will provide lunch (and give an idea of the kinds of things you feed your children during the school year) and that kind of just opens the door for the payment.

 

Sit down with DH now and try to see if there are any vacations or trips you will be taking that will keep you from being able to baby sit for a week or so until the end of the school year. That is only fair to your friend, as she would have to find alternative care during whatever time you would be unable to do it.

 

As far as pay, if you have no idea, don't expect or even charge what the going rate of child care is. I baby sat an infant for a friend 4 yrs ago for $20 a day, she got off cheap, but I did it for a friend. :-)

 

Anyway hope this helps.

[eternalknot]

I paid the going rate when my sister provided childcare for my kids. We still swapped babysitting with each other. I can't imagine expecting anyone to provide long-term child care for free, even if it were my mother.

 

That's also how my husband's family works. His mother has our nephews for six hours a day, two days a week plus a date night or so every few weeks. My SIL pays her in the form of a hired weekly housecleaner and a monthly "spa" day (haircut, color, manicure). My MIL would do it for free, and my SIL would prefer it be free ... but my FIL feels differently. My BIL says since they're paying, he'd rather they pay a stranger (??) and it's a source of discontent among all of them.

 

OTOH, my family has always given free childcare to each other, and we see it as part of our family responsibility. I'd pay my mother if she needed the money, but she'd be insulted by the idea. I watch my brothers' kids for free, and I take unpaid leaves from work to do so. I'm not wealthy, but our family dynamic works in such a way that it all evens out. Sometimes you're the giver, sometimes you're the getter.

 

I'm fortunate my relatives are able and willing to babysit my kids for free. My job requires regular overnight air travel, and their dad isn't available to stay with them. My parents and siblings help raise my kids ("babysit") without expectation of pay, which is good since I couldn't afford 'em. This arrangment is very typical of my culture, though; it was the norm where I grew up, but we are a very clear minority where we live now. I like it our way :D ... plus, the price is right!

[eternalknot]

It depends on the burden. When I was a teen I spent a lot of time watching a child and helping her single mother for no other thought that it seemed the "right" thing to do. I moved away eventually, and 30 years later she returned the favor by visiting my very elderly folks and being a last "new" friend to my mother, who was in her late 80s. While they had many interests in common, I am quite sure my old friend felt good about repaying a favor.

 

:001_wub: Very sweet ...

 

... and proof that things even out in the end.

[eternalknot]

It depends on the burden. When I was a teen I spent a lot of time watching a child and helping her single mother for no other thought that it seemed the "right" thing to do. I moved away eventually, and 30 years later she returned the favor by visiting my very elderly folks and being a last "new" friend to my mother, who was in her late 80s. While they had many interests in common, I am quite sure my old friend felt good about repaying a favor.

 

:001_wub: Very sweet ...

 

... and proof that things even out in the end!

 

You sound like a great woman and friend.

[Danestress]

If you are getting paid, it's hard to say, "Hey, we are going to be visiting Grandma on X dates so I will not be able to keep your daughter that day." If you are getting paid, it's a job and you are going to feel committed. Also, if she's paying you, she probably going to feel like she is calling some shots that she might not feel she can call if you are doing it as a favor.

 

I could go either way on this as the care provider. I can see wanting the pay, and I can see wanting the power of not getting paid. If I were paying you to keep my child, I might feel freer to say, "Hey, make sure she gets XYZ done, and no tv until after 3:00" or whatever.

 

Just food for thought.

[TheAutumnOak]

If you are getting paid, it's hard to say, "Hey, we are going to be visiting Grandma on X dates so I will not be able to keep your daughter that day." If you are getting paid, it's a job and you are going to feel committed. Also, if she's paying you, she probably going to feel like she is calling some shots that she might not feel she can call if you are doing it as a favor.

 

I could go either way on this as the care provider. I can see wanting the pay, and I can see wanting the power of not getting paid. If I were paying you to keep my child, I might feel freer to say, "Hey, make sure she gets XYZ done, and no tv until after 3:00" or whatever.

 

Just food for thought.

 

:iagree: This is an excellent point...

[GardenTenders/Kim]

That's also how my husband's family works. His mother has our nephews for six hours a day, two days a week plus a date night or so every few weeks. My SIL pays her in the form of a hired weekly housecleaner and a monthly "spa" day (haircut, color, manicure). My MIL would do it for free, and my SIL would prefer it be free ... but my FIL feels differently. My BIL says since they're paying, he'd rather they pay a stranger (??) and it's a source of discontent among all of them.

 

OTOH, my family has always given free childcare to each other, and we see it as part of our family responsibility. I'd pay my mother if she needed the money, but she'd be insulted by the idea. I watch my brothers' kids for free, and I take unpaid leaves from work to do so. I'm not wealthy, but our family dynamic works in such a way that it all evens out. Sometimes you're the giver, sometimes you're the getter.

 

I'm fortunate my relatives are able and willing to babysit my kids for free. My job requires regular overnight air travel, and their dad isn't available to stay with them. My parents and siblings help raise my kids ("babysit") without expectation of pay, which is good since I couldn't afford 'em. This arrangment is very typical of my culture, though; it was the norm where I grew up, but we are a very clear minority where we live now. I like it our way :D ... plus, the price is right!

 

If I paid my mom for babysitting she would be mortified, and I do baby sitting swaps with friends for the odd date night, doctor appts etc. I would never ask payement for that. I think family is different, but i can't beleive your BIL. Wow.

[extrafor6]

So, I think this is where we are going to land with this situation...

I will commit, at this point, through the end of the year and then reevaluate.

She will take my four children, two Monday afternoon/evenings a month while my husband and I go out :)

Her MIL can get the child around 3:00 or before, if we decide that would be the best option.

She did mention that she could pay me $25 a day as that is the rate she would pay at the daycare. I would rather just swap out for the babysitting.

 

Like I said before, I really want her to have a successful first year homeschooling and if I can have a part in that, I would love it. If I don't do this, then the child would be swapped around to differnt places each week and I think it would be too much for her. I'm fine including her like one of my own (I already do!) and we honestly don't go on too many outings mid week b/c I have a 2yo :) My friend would ultimately like to only work one day a week, so this may not even be an issue after the first of the year.

Thanks for all of the helpful posts. It really did give me some things to think about.

Happy 4th!

[kalanamak]

Thanks for all of the helpful posts. It really did give me some things to think about.

 

 

ohhhhhh, I love happy endings.

[Orthodox6]

What I have not noticed, although perhaps I missed it, is discussion of what effect one day every week of babysitting will have on OP's own children. What I would anticipate is that OP now will have only four days per week to teach her own children. It is unlikely that they will have a successful school day when a visiting child is in the house. The visiting child won't be homeschooled.

 

If that situation is ok with OPs family, then that is ok.

[SquirrellyMama]

What I have not noticed, although perhaps I missed it, is discussion of what effect one day every week of babysitting will have on OP's own children. What I would anticipate is that OP now will have only four days per week to teach her own children. It is unlikely that they will have a successful school day when a visiting child is in the house. The visiting child won't be homeschooled.

 

If that situation is ok with OPs family, then that is ok.

 

Maybe with time it will settle down and that day can be productive. If she sets up rules and sticks with it every time then it might work out just fine.

 

The other girl will be homeschooled so she can bring work with her.