My dd6 has been banned from her dentist.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day - at the dentist. Both dd6 and ds10 had appointments for cleaning. Both have been before. Dd6 had been a handful the last time we went - crying and whimpering (fearful) and very uncooperative (wouldn't open her mouth etc.) But when she got done she turned to me with a smile and said, "That wasn't so bad!"

 

So I figured that since she had figured out that it wasn't so bad, and since she's had some time to mature between cleanings, that this time would be a breeze - right? Wrong. She had a total melt down (part was probably due to fear but I know as only her Mommy would know that much of it was just a stinking tantrum). The hygenist couldn't handle it so the dentist took over the entire cleaning. He was very good. I think he's a dad because he did exactly what my dh would have done - he kindly explained to her what was happening (and that it wouldn't hurt, he let her have some choices, etc. and even tried telling her that if she didn't stop screaming that I would have to leave the room.) Now - don't get mad at him. She didn't stop screaming and he didn't make me leave the room. He really was at his wits ends and was trying the stern approach (but still totally professional) just to see if it would snap her out of it.

 

Well, long story short we finally got through the cleaning/check -up - which took twice the time because of her behavior and he told me that she had two cavities. And he told me that if she behaved the way she did yesterday that there was no way he could fill the cavities. He's not a pediatric dentist as such and he can't sedate her if that is what she needs (and he thinks that is what she will need to get through this.)

 

Why am I telling you all this? 1. I need hugs (but not chocolate - I've already gone through two week's supply in 5 days. . .)! 2. I needed to vent. 3. I need some advice on how to get her to take a :chillpill: BTW, on the way home - she tells me that no it didn't hurt or anything and really wasn't so bad. She just didn't like it. Grrr. Ok - maybe I need a :chillpill: too! Do they have pediatric dentists in Australia?!!

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm sorry. :grouphug:

 

Err..I'm sort of stern about this stuff.

 

My kids were seeing a pediatric dentist. Usually the kids went back alone. However, when my middle one needed a lot of work done she freaked and they called me back. They told me they would sedate her and strap her down if they needed to and if that was OK. Instead, I talked to her and said "if you carry on like this they are going to strap you down to this chair to do the work they need to do." That was enough. She stopped, cold. However, she's sort of my drama queen and it was drama more than fear in her case. I never had another problem with her at the dentist. eta: I will add that the dentist didn't like me telling her that but I felt it was better to tell her the truth about the consequences of her actions than sort of springing it on her.

 

Honestly, a pediatric dentist might be a better fit for you daughter. They have fun stuff and are used to dealing with kids.

[chiguirre]

Why am I telling you all this? 1. I need hugs (but not chocolate - I've already gone through two week's supply in 5 days. . .)! 2. I needed to vent. 3. I need some advice on how to get her to take a :chillpill: BTW, on the way home - she tells me that no it didn't hurt or anything and really wasn't so bad. She just didn't like it. Grrr. Ok - maybe I need a :chillpill: too! Do they have pediatric dentists in Australia?!!

 

1. :grouphug:

2. I totally understand, vent away!

3. I think you'll have to take her to a pediatric dentist for a literal :chillpill:. Ask your family dentist for a recommendation. Good luck!

[nancypants]

Oh! I'm so sorry! She would be in serious trouble at home if she lived in our household. (((hugs)))

[Pegasus]

*hugs* I'm so sorry. Were these her first visits to a dentist? I looked into a pediatric dentist for my DC when they were young but when I found out that they (the ones in this area) forbid the parents from coming back with the child, I ran the other way. We ended up at a family dentistry and they were so great with young children, very patient and explained everything in a fun way (all the tools had fun names, like Mr. Thirsty for the vacuum).

 

I'd find a cooperative dentist office and start over. Take her to the dentist and just sit in the waiting room. Does she stay calm for this? Leave and have a treat. Next visit, have her go back and sit in the chair, chat with the hygenist, and leave. Next, sit in the chair, open her mouth and let the hygenist look at her teeth (no tools!). Etc. One step at a time.

 

I would be very hesitant to let them start sedating for routine visits until I've tried everything else!

 

Good luck.

Pegasus

[j.griff]

1. :grouphug: and since you've banned chocolate, how bout some rum? ;)

2. :bigear: That's what we're "hear" for (typo is on purpose)

3. I think mayhaps you should just switch to a pediatric dentist, if that's something that's doable for you. I might try a regular Dr. visit, see what a Dr. would recommend for helping her get over her "anxiety" during the dental exams and whatnot. How long has it been since her last check up? 6 months? I'd get the fillings ASAP, and then try to wait a year before going back. I'd practice at home with her, before going back again. You can get those little mirrors and a pick to "play dentist" with her at home. Remind her that the dentist doesn't hurt her, acknowledge other issues (yes, it feels icky to have your mouth open for so long, and to have a strangers hand in there. yes, it tastes bad when they put metal things in your mouth).

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

Why am I telling you all this? 1. I need hugs (but not chocolate - I've already gone through two week's supply in 5 days. . .)! 2. I needed to vent. 3. I need some advice on how to get her to take a :chillpill: BTW, on the way home - she tells me that no it didn't hurt or anything and really wasn't so bad. She just didn't like it. Grrr. Ok - maybe I need a :chillpill: too! Do they have pediatric dentists in Australia?!!

 

Awww, BIG hugs! I'm so sorry.

 

For me, I still cry at dental appointments. I didn't dare as a child, but dental work is so invasive and so intimate and so much like, well, *abuse* that I just sit there and sob with my mouth open every. dang. time. I feel violated and helpless.

 

Sedation is a wonderful thing. And even if she's exaggerating, if you can afford the sedation, just get it. Find the peds dentist and *get* it.

 

When I was a kid had I acted like that, I would have been beaten. And I would have "behaved" the next time. But it wouldn't have made it better.

 

Here's another hug and some virtual chocolate-covered xanax. :D

[Jennifer in MI]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

My kids go to a pediatric dentist too. She's wonderful! We did have a child who freaked out when he had to get two teeth pulled. She was WONDERFUL with him. They did give him a sedative and it worked really well.

 

I have a friend whose dd was doing what yours was. The dentist warned her that her mom would have to leave if she didn't stop crying. Her dd didn't stop. So, the dentist asked my friend to leave. My friend stood outside the door. Her dd stopped crying immediatelly and was fine the rest of the time. Maybe you could try leaving the room and see how she does?

[Cindyg]

I vote for sedation. If nothing else, they can give her nitrous oxide, which is immensely calming.

 

Sorry for your bad experience. And hers. And his (the dentist's).

[8filltheheart]

As an adult with dental phobia (I'm not kidding!!! I would rather go through labor than go to the dentist!!!), I recommend going to the pediatric dentist. My 2 yod went to see one today. They are amazing. They are used to dealing with kids and making them comfortable. If she needs sedation, so be it. No big deal. All she really might need is a little nitrous oxide to help her relax.

 

If it will prevent her from developing the fear of dentists that I have, definitely worth it.

[nmoira]

My girls go to a pediatric dentist (no papoose boards, parents allowed, no force, no coercion) and we've had very positive experiences. The office has a high hygienist to dentist ratio so things don't slow down if one child needs more time.

[Frontier Mom]

Now that mine are older I keep thinking I'll switch them but I just love our pediatric dentist so much. I even get to play X-Box while they are all in the back because, with my 4, we are the whole office during the appointment time.

 

Price wise, ours is no higher than a regular dentist. Hope you find someone, this sounds really traumatic.

[cin]

We go to a pediatric dentist and they are wonderful. (He's a homeschooler too!) It appears, from the waiting room, that their schedule is well-spaced. They also have fun stuff there. He has an arcade game in the waiting room, pretty colored gloves, fun flavors of cleaner (and LOTS of them!) and the hygenists are FUN. And my dd6 is all excited about seeing her friend's daddy--and oral surgeon:001_huh: But he worked it up so that, for right now at least, she's looking forward to it.

[CLHCO]

I looked into a pediatric dentist for my DC when they were young but when I found out that they (the ones in this area) forbid the parents from coming back with the child, I ran the other way. We ended up at a family dentistry and they were so great with young children, very patient and explained everything in a fun way (all the tools had fun names, like Mr. Thirsty for the vacuum).

 

 

Only I made the mistake of taking my girls there. They cried and hated it. I wasn't informed of any of this while they were in there. I ended up taking them instead to our family dentist who let them sit on my lap to have their teeth done. They got to see me get it done first too. They were wonderful. It's often the individual office, and child too, of course.

 

I learned later that this pediatric dentist is notorious in that town yet he's the only one in the area so people see him anyway. If a child gets hysterical they still won't get the parent or tell them anything going on. I heard they've been known to speak harshly when a child doesn't cooperate and are only gentle and fun if the kid is perfectly fine anyway.

 

I can see how some children sometimes behave better when mom is not around but not all children. Some are far more frightened, especially young ones. I don't care for inflexible policies.

 

I'm only mentioning this to warn parents to screen even a pediatric dentist first.

[camibami]

Oh, please don't punish her! Not that you *would*, but I see the recommendations to do that on this thread and it just literally makes me feel ill.

 

I have dental phobia- BAD.I have worked through it (after no dentist for 15+ years- yikes!) because a wonderful dentist took the time to realize that Novocaine doesn't work on me. See, *I* always knew that as a kid, but the dentist (he went to our church and was a family friend) always insisted I *must* be numb. And worked anyway- pulling teeth, filling cavities, it was awful. And all my parents ever did was get frustrated and embarassed at me. Now as an adult, I tell the dentist (we move often so I see many!) that I have a phobia, and that I metabolize Novocaine (everything really) extremely fast. They usually give me the shots, wait 10 minutes, give me another dose, work a little, more Novocaine. For anything requiring more than 10-15 minutes of drilling I take Valium.

 

I just feel awful even walking into a dentist- like running away! I hate the opening mouth, the smell, the sounds, the hands in my mouth- I just get totally freaked out. I cannot control it and I cannot rationalize it away, even though I am not in pain any more at the dentisit, I still get SO frightened. The dentist is *scary*!

 

I always went back with my kids, though I don't now since we have a great relationship with our dentist.The pediatric dentist for the girls is married to my dentist, LOL, so they get all our money! I would never go to a dentist that wouldn't let you be with your child if you wanted to or the child wanted you to. No way. And sedating a kid is easy-peasy- we did until the girls were 5 for fillings and caps (they both knocked out teeth!).We took them to the office early, gave them the medication in the office (so they can observe for side effects and start work when it takes effect) and they never remembered ANY of it. Now neither girl needs sedation and they love the dentist.

 

Please take her fears seriously. Find a good pediatric dentist, and sedate her. Make it as pleasant as you can. Yes, she MUST go, but it truly is so scary for so many people and children, and it doesn't have to be.

[Storm Bay]

:grouphug:

 

I've totally btdt. One of mine SCREAMED when they blew air on her teeth to prepare them for sealants. I was very firm and forceful (I'm a strict mom.) However, this was very real sensory stuff, as I was later to learn. When I was a kid I had a dentist who did FABULOUS work (I still have fillings he put in 40 years ago) but who was terrible with kids. Even his dd, who is married to my cousin, says that. It made things traumatic, and it's a good thing I had a great orthodontist and that a wonderful dentist moved to town because I was never afraid of the dentist after those two.

 

A pediatric dentist was the answer for my dc. However, I got recommendations and even went and interviewed one I didn't end up choosing (too hyper for us, although a very good and popular dentist. We needed someone mellow.) I went in the room for the appointments until she was ready to go on her own, and still go in for my 7 yos appointments. The one who screamed with the air didn't end up getting sealants until she was 10. They did a tell, show, do (or something like that) to see if she was ready.

 

This turned out well as my ds was one who did much better sitting on my lap when he was little and this was no big deal there. Even sitting on my lap he didn't like it, and I had to be firm with him, but it helped immensely. At 7 he's generally very cooperative.

[3lilreds in NC]

Oh dear - it sounds like my dd somehow astrally projects and invades your dd's body for dental appointments! :D

 

:grouphug: I SO know how this goes. My dd did the hysterics for appointment/"It wasn't that bad" schtick for every. single dentist's. appointment. since she went the first time. The only thing that worked for us was I did not stay in the room. If I stayed, she remained in a state of drama. When I left, she chilled.

 

Now, last year, she ended up having a cavity. Our family dentist said they'd fill it, and I asked them if they could give her happy gas. They said they could only do a shot, at which point I informed them that dd would most likely rip their arm off before she would let them put a shot in her mouth. So, we ended up at a pediatric dentist with MUCH more patience than I have. He was great. Her filling was taken care of with a minimum of fuss thanks to the magic of sedation dentistry. Now both girls have decided that they'd like to continue seeing the pediatric dentist. (BTW, ours allows you to come back but would prefer that you not, because the drama tends to intensify when the parents are there.)

 

So - I hope you can find a good pediatric dentist in your area. That tends to make all the difference. Even our family dentist, as wonderful as he is, father to 3 of his own children, doesn't have the touch that our pediatric dentist does.

[Storm Bay]

Oh dear - it sounds like my dd somehow astrally projects and invades your dd's body for dental appointments! :D

 

:grouphug: Now, last year, she ended up having a cavity. Our family dentist said they'd fill it, and I asked them if they could give her happy gas. They said they could only do a shot, at which point I informed them that dd would most likely rip their arm off before she would let them put a shot in her mouth. So, we ended up at a pediatric dentist with MUCH more patience than I have. He was great. Her filling was taken care of with a minimum of fuss thanks to the magic of sedation dentistry. Now both girls have decided that they'd like to continue seeing the pediatric dentist. (BTW, ours allows you to come back but would prefer that you not, because the drama tends to intensify when the parents are there.)

.

 

 

Yes! When my 10 yo was 2, another child threw a toy at her and knocked a tooth so loose it had to be pulled. Since she was so little, they sedated her. When she was older she had a tooth pulled to make room and they put this stuff on her gum first so that the needle didn't hurt at all. These things make all the difference, IMO. The second time she had a tooth pulled to make room, she wasn't afraid at all.

[HomeOnTheRanch]

OK, here's my story...growing up, we went to a pediatric dentist. We showed up, they called our names, and we went back into a huge playroom with at least a dozen other kids while the hygienists herded us through the brushing and x-rays and cleanings. I was about 4 or 5 and had been there a few times when I looked around the playroom and couldn't see my older brother. I started crying. I was taken over to the "filling" side of the office (where I'd never been). Dr. B held his hand over my mouth until I stopped crying. I was taken back to playroom. Oh, there was brother. All was right in the world.

 

My mom was never informed of the happenings. I told her about it a few years ago and she was shocked. I pity the dentist that tries a stunt like that with MY child.

 

That incident was not at all related to dentistry, just me missing my big brother in a room full of kids. But, I survived, and continued being a patient of Dr. B until I got married.

 

Other incident...in 2nd grade I had to start allergy shots. I did fine the first round of shots. The 2nd time I threw a hissy fit. I had NEVER thrown a fit like that before. My mom did the only thing she could figure out to get me to stop making a scene. She bribed me. She told me I would get something special if I was good for shots for x # of weeks. I was a complete angel after that for my shots. When I was in college I reminded her that I never got my "something special" :lol:

 

I don't know what to tell you. Only you know your daughter, but bribery may be the way to go. Acknowledge that it isn't a fun thing for her to do, but it needs to be done. If she can show she is grown up enough to behave during the appt. maybe she is grown up enough to do xyz with you?

 

Let us know what happens. So far all my boys have been just fine with the dentist. I need to start sending dd also. I'm pretty sure she'll be fine since the hygienist has looked in her mouth and such when I go in.

[Melissa in Australia]

Do they have pediatric dentists in Australia?!!

 

 

I have never heard of them!! doesn't mean that there aren't any. A big city might have one.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I have never heard of them!! doesn't mean that there aren't any. A big city might have one.

 

:001_smile:

 

She's actually making a joking reference to this book.

 

In it, Alexander is having SUCH a bad day. All would be solved if only he could move to Australia.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thank you for your kind posts. I got tears in my eyes reading them all! Venting really helped to calm me down and to look at this a bit more calmly.:cool: Dd is very strong willed - but I'm a strong willed mama - so usually she's quite well behaved. I think that there might have been a bigger fear component than I had at first thought. I will definitely look for a pediatric dentist. I think that it would probably be best for me to be there during the appointment but need to really think about it. I will ask dh his opinion and the opinion of some friends who know us well and will give us wise feedback.

 

You are right, Cadam, the dentist wasn't so much banning her as telling me that it really was beyond his expertise to give her safe care right now. He really was cool about it all.

 

That same appointment - when I went to pay my co-pay, I found out that somehow our dental insurance had been dropped.:eek: I had to pay $400 out of pocket for the two appointments. . . So our first priority is lining up dental insurance again. Dh is going to be talking to his H.R. at work tomorrow. Once that is set I will interview pediatric dentists.

 

Thanks so much for the input - I really, really don't want her to have a lasting dental phobia.

[Melissa in Australia]

:001_smile:

 

She's actually making a joking reference to this book.

 

In it, Alexander is having SUCH a bad day. All would be solved if only he could move to Australia.

 

Oh, red face here! I have never heard of the book, and thought that maybe she was shifting to Australia!! though we Have No problems here in Australia:lol:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

though we Have No problems here in Australia:lol:

 

Ever since I read this book in a ladies' magazine as a child, I have known that about Australia. And I have envied all ya'll. :D

[nmoira]

 

Dr. B held his hand over my mouth until I stopped crying. I was taken back to playroom.

This is called "hand-over-mouth (restraint)" (HOM/HOMAR) or "hand-over-mouth-exercise" (HOME) and is not only still used by some dentists, but is still taught in some dental schools. Supposedly parent consent is desirable first to guard against potential liability.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I had to search for a pediatric dentist who would allow me in the treatment room. I drive 30 minutes to one when there are 5 in my town within 10 minute drive. Although our pediatric dentist does have a papoose board, they only use it with very young children who cannot be relied upon to be still even in Mama's arms and with sedation. They introduce it to the kids like a big blankie (in fact, they encourage parents of toddlers to bring a lovie or blankie to put in there with them.) When my middle son was a toddler, he needed dental work. He had decay due to a malformation and he had stopped eating solids, surviving on air and nursing. He was terribly stranger adverse - couldn't stand to be touched by strangers. Even sedated, he cried the entire time. The dentist was very patient with him. I sang to him during the entire procedure -how many renditions of Take Me Out to the Ballgame can one sing in an hour? It seemed to keep him calmer. A year later, he had outgrown the need for the papoose board and could get exams and procedures done on my lap.

[Kelli in TN]

Oh, gosh. Didn't you just want a big hole in the earth to open up and swallow you right then?

 

I remember when one of my kids was about TEN YEARS OLD she had to have a couple of immunization boosters.

 

She screamed and writhed and had to be held down by multiple nurses, after all of the gentle approaches had been tried numerous times. Her younger sister also needed a booster and by the time she got done throwing her fit, we had to pull the younger one out from under a chair, she was so terrified.

 

Of course the younger one got her booster shot without flinching, once she got past the terror her sister's performance had caused!!!

[readwithem]

For me, I still cry at dental appointments. I didn't dare as a child, but dental work is so invasive and so intimate

:iagree:

 

This is so true!

[Night Elf]

I didn't dare as a child, but dental work is so invasive and so intimate and so much like, well, *abuse* that I just sit there and sob with my mouth open every. dang. time. I feel violated and helpless.

 

This is me too. My dentist is such a gentle, kind man who is funny, funny! They know how anxious I am and I never feel rushed or pressured. Sometimes I have to stop them to just to sit up a minute and take a break to calm down. It gets so overwhelming.

 

And also, like Cami, I am not too responsive to Novacaine. The dentists and my mom didn't believe me when I was little. They said I was imagining it because I was scared and if I'd calm down it would stop hurting. All that did was make me completely distrustful.

 

My teeth and gums are super sensitive. Air hurts when blown on them. Cold water or other liquids hurt. I don't eat ice cream because of my high sensitivity. My dentist is well aware of my issues and believes me. I use a toothpaste for sensitive teeth and it helps alot, but not all the time.

 

My dentist calls in Valium to the pharmacy if I need major work done. I get so nervous about the appointment that I get nauseous, can't eat or sleep. And after my appointment, my mouth is always sore for at least 3 days, even if all they did was clean my teeth. I go because I know it's necessary and because I have a good dentist that I can trust now.

 

I tried a pediatric dentist for my children but it was a very large practice and it felt like a cattle call. The place was awesome with kid friendly murals, video games, television screens, flavored toothpastes and flourides, toys, etc. But I did not like how they handled children. They moved kids in and out and the waiting room was always completely filled. I never felt like we were receiving personal attention. So I started taking my children to my dentist. He runs his own practice with no other dentists. It's small and personal. Everyone knows our names and the info in our charts. It's really nice.

[Storm Bay]

Oh, red face here! I have never heard of the book, and thought that maybe she was shifting to Australia!! though we Have No problems here in Australia:lol:

 

Wow, I want to move there right away! More seriously, I have been interested in visiting had I the money. But at the end of the book, the mother tells the son that "some days are like that, even in Australia." I love that book, btw, and have read it aloud many times. I love reading that aloud in a whiny, petulant voice...

[Storm Bay]

Oh, gosh. Didn't you just want a big hole in the earth to open up and swallow you right then?

 

I remember when one of my kids was about TEN YEARS OLD she had to have a couple of immunization boosters.

 

She screamed and writhed and had to be held down by multiple nurses, after all of the gentle approaches had been tried numerous times. Her younger sister also needed a booster and by the time she got done throwing her fit, we had to pull the younger one out from under a chair, she was so terrified.

 

Of course the younger one got her booster shot without flinching, once she got past the terror her sister's performance had caused!!!

 

:lol::lol::lol: I have one who, at the eye doctor, had to lie on the floor and have me "sit" on her chest so the doctor could administer the dilation drops. The optometrist had no qualms when I suggested it; his wife had done the same with their ds. When my ds had his first visit and it came time for drops, he cheerfully got out of the seat, lay down on the floor and asked me to "sit" on him. He had no problems whatsoever with getting drops, but simply thought that was how it was done!