What's Your "friend" snack policy

[mom2scouts]

 

My rule of thumb is that if kids show up over here to play out of the blue then they are here to play, not eat. I don't have the time, energy, money or inclination to feed everyone else's kids...I have enough of my own thank you very much. My exception is if we have specifically invited kids over to our house for playdates or sleep overs. Then I make special snacks and treats for them.

 

This is pretty much my rule. I don't feed any child who just happens to be playing in my yard. I tell them to go home and get something if they're hungry. Children who have been invited over to play and often don't live close are always offered a snack.

[BatmansWife]

Toppings:

melt butter

brush butter on pretzels

sprinkle with salt

or

Melt butter in bowl

In another bowl, make a sugar/cinnamon mixture (1/2 c sugar, 2 Tsp cinnamon

Dip pretzel in butter

Dip into cimmamon mixture

 

It is time consuming. BUT these are SOOOOO good. (I've found I can use a half/half mixture of whole wheat and white flour, so they're not quite as bad for you as they sound!)

 

 

Thank you for this recipe. Do you think that the pretzels dipped in the cinnamon sugar would give them somewhat of a donut taste? My son has been asking me a lot lately if I could try making donuts. He's never had any because of his egg allergy. I see these pretzels don't have egg. :hurray:

 

My rule of thumb is that if kids show up over here to play out of the blue then they are here to play, not eat. I don't have the time, energy, money or inclination to feed everyone else's kids...I have enough of my own thank you very much. My exception is if we have specifically invited kids over to our house for playdates or sleep overs. Then I make special snacks and treats for them.

 

:iagree:

 

My policy with neighborhood kids is that if they're hungry they can go home to eat.

 

:iagree:

 

Some kids are just clueless. Some are greedy. A lady and her kids came over for the first time and after a full lunch, they still wanted more. I threw together some more food and they took seconds and thirds. Then, they pranced around bragging about how big their bellies were from all the food they had eaten. They are definitely not hurting for food at their own home, either. I enjoy sharing and especially giving to those who don't eat well at home, but that incident was a bit odd.

 

Rude....and weird. :blink:

[Heidi]

I tell them, "If you're hungry, go home and eat." And I secretly hope they don't come back. I don't like other people's kids; low tolerance level.

[AngieC]

I feed any kid that is at my house, but I also know that mine get fed when they are at the neighbors houses. Usually I hand out Goldfish, pretzels or something along those lines and water. However, I would probably feel differently if I were the only one doing the feeding.

[BatmansWife]

I tell them, "If you're hungry, go home and eat." And I secretly hope they don't come back. I don't like other people's kids; low tolerance level.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I was holding back from sayin' it....but you said it and :iagree: (did I say that already??) :lol:

 

I also don't like other people's kids asking to use my bathroom and then playing with all my kids toys. :tongue_smilie: But then again....I have issues. I'll just leave it at that. :001_smile:

[redsquirrel]

Gosh, I guess I just live in a friendlier neighborhood that you all. yeah, the 'neighborhood kids' come over but they are my friend's kids. They call before they come over and I am glad they are here. Yeah, sometimes I have to scramble for food, and I make sure to have inexpensive food or I bake, but they are our family friends. We have dinner together as neighbors. I have met their grandparents. We water each others plants and collect mail.

 

I would never just send T home for a quick snack, unless I only had strawberries because he is allergic to those.

 

And sometimes I have four kids here who aren't mine and they are all hungry, but it all works out in the end. It feels different because we are all friendly. We are different families, my family is the only homeschooling one, but we can enjoy each other. It doesn't feel like an imposition when they are friends.

[Impish]

Situation in the OP is that this is a financial burden her family cannot manage right now. That feeding the neighbourhood means her family goes without.

 

For me, I know kids...but have never met the adults.

[4wildberrys]

I tell them, "If you're hungry, go home and eat." And I secretly hope they don't come back. I don't like other people's kids; low tolerance level.

 

 

Wow. This just makes me....sad. :001_huh:

[Peela]

I try to provide something because now that my kids are teens, we often to have guests and they are often hungry- usually I buy an extra bag or 2 of corn chips and salsa so they can have just chips, or make some nachos. I have also taken to buying large bags of frozen chips so that I or they can make a quick filling meal. I dont cook every night so sometimes i am caught out with guest kids and no plan for a meal- chips does the trick, as does pasta with pesto, which the kids make themselves.

My kids have learned to buy junk food on their way home if they want to share it with their friends, since I don't buy much at all.

I do feel a bit tight around the issue and have felt resentment, but I also train myself to be generous in a way I feel ok about. I want my kids to bring their teen friends over, so I feel the need to provide some snacks and sometimes light meals. Ds has one friend who has trouble at home and dh has told him to come here anytime he needs to. I feel obliged to feed him when he is here and I am ok with that- it does take a little forethought and effort though. Teen boys eat a lot!

 

If the kids are just freeloaders from across the street? I might provide popsicles but i dont think it is necessary to provide anything really. However- ds was been so warmly welcomed into a certain home in the street, and the mum feeds him well and invites him to family functions and even holidays - so I have no problem feeding the boys an apple or corn chips. And i am grateful for this generous mum, and she has been a bit of a role model to me in how generosity can impact someone's life- my son has benefitted tremendously from his acceptance into their family (and she felt ds was a good role model for her sons- weird how other adults perceive your kids! )

[love2read]

It's hard to say "no" but you must. I stopped this same practice by telling my children if they asked for snacks or gave snacks to friends they would be grounded for a few days. It did the trick. If children are visiting from a distance, of course I feed them, but not children who live nearby.

[DarlaS]

See, this (bolded part) is kind of how I'm thinking.

 

But, this month especially, we're b-r-o-k-e. :(

 

I guess I just feel bad because I *want* to be able to have enough to share but I can't always swing it.

 

And, being honest, the greed is getting to me. I give out one snack, the kids keep asking for seconds. And thirds. And fourths.

 

They're good kids, but I don't know how to figure out how to manage this without sounding like the Mean-Mom. I want them to *want* to come here. But, the lack of manners regarding food.... argh. :tongue_smilie:

 

Sounds the the child needed to go home for a meal.

[abbeyej]

Popcorn is my answer too. Even organic popcorn kernels go a looong way for the money, and most kids just love fresh popcorn. I make it on the stove and this is a complete novelty to many kids. If I'm feeling generous, they get butter. If not, just salt. ;) And I usually serve water to drink -- that's what my family drinks, so it's what I serve. On rare occasions I might have iced tea.

 

Sometimes I serve other treats if they're around. But popcorn is my go-to. It's cheap, easy, everybody seems to like it, and it lasts in the pantry pretty much forever.

[EthiopianFood]

"Go home and eat! You live across the street!"

 

There you go.

[shinyhappypeople]

Situation in the OP is that this is a financial burden her family cannot manage right now. That feeding the neighbourhood means her family goes without.

 

For me, I know kids...but have never met the adults.

 

Exactly... on both counts.

[Celia]

I am SO sorry I broke board rules. I promise to do better in the future! Moderators: If you feel I must be banned, feel free. I'll understand!

 

Okay - Pretzels

 

1 1/2 cups warm water

1 1 4 t active dry yeast

2 T powdered sugar

1 1/4 t salt

4 cups flour

2 cups water

2 T baking soda

 

Dissolve powdered sugar in warm water in medium bowl. Sprinkle yeast on water/sugar mixture, stir slightly. Put aside for 10 minutes, allow yeast to bloom

 

Add salt and flour to yeast mixture and knead dough until smooth and elastic (3 - 5 minutes).

 

Cover bowl loosely with a cotton towel and let dough rise at least 1 1/2 hours.

 

Prepare baking soda bath. Bring 2 cups of water and baking soda just to a simmer. Be certain to stir often.

 

After dough has risen, pinch off bits of dough and roll into a long rope (about 1/2 inch or less thick) and shape.

 

Using a slotted spoon, dip pretzel into baking soda bath for 20 - 30 seconds. Allow excess water to drop off then place on greased baking sheet. (At this point I put the baking sheet into the freezer. Let them freeze, then put them into a ziplock bag and back in the freezer. Then, as you need them, take them out and bake as below!)

 

Bake in oven at 450 degrees for 5 minutes, rotate pan, bake for about 5 minutes more or until golden.

 

Toppings:

melt butter

brush butter on pretzels

sprinkle with salt

or

Melt butter in bowl

In another bowl, make a sugar/cinnamon mixture (1/2 c sugar, 2 Tsp cinnamon

Dip pretzel in butter

Dip into cimmamon mixture

 

It is time consuming. BUT these are SOOOOO good. (I've found I can use a half/half mixture of whole wheat and white flour, so they're not quite as bad for you as they sound!)

 

There. Can I get out of the doghouse now?!

 

Thank you!!!

[Tree House Academy]

I would point blank tell my kids, "unless I come outside offering snacks to your friends or you come in ALONE wanting a snack for YOURSELF, then there is a no snakc policy." Your dds need to know that feeding the neighborhood everyday is NOT acceptable.

 

That said, I would probably also talk to the other moms and tell them about the snack issue and see if they would like to coordinate some kind of rotation system. If not, then they need to feed their own kids everyday.

 

I do feel responsible when my friends' kids are at my home IF I invited them to come there for a special visit or occasion. That is different than just neighborhood kids coming in the yard to play, IMO.

 

Put your foot down, mama!

[Katiebug_1976]

I generally don't feed the neighborhood kids (we'd go hungry if I did!). My kids also know that if the put me on-the-spot by asking for something (snacks, sleepovers, whatever) in front of their friends, it's an automatic NO! I do not like to be put on-the-spot, and don't think I should have to justify or explain why it is a "no" in front of the neighbor kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the neighborhood grinch...I do occasionally offer snacks if we have extras, or something special, just not all the time.

[Barb_]

Kids are welcome to come play at my house but I rarely do snacks. Sometimes if I'm in the mood I'll offer an ice cream bar or homemade cookies or a piece of fruit if I just went to the store, but I would be taken aback if a child asked me or my child point blank for a snack. I don't mind sharing, but I'm not too crazy about entitlement. We don't do a whole lot of snacks here anyway (I was the mom at the park with no goldfish or apple slices when my kids were toddlers), so maybe that's why it's not an issue. Thank goodness. Your situation would drive me a little nutso. I would have no problem saying, "Those tangerines have to last us through the weekend. Sorry :) If you want to go home and get something to eat, we'll be out for a few hours yet." It's nice to be hospitable if you feel like it, but you are not required to feed the neighborhood.

 

Barb

[Barb_]

I generally don't feed the neighborhood kids (we'd go hungry if I did!). My kids also know that if the put me on-the-spot by asking for something (snacks, sleepovers, whatever) in front of their friends, it's an automatic NO! I do not like to be put on-the-spot, and don't think I should have to justify or explain why it is a "no" in front of the neighbor kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the neighborhood grinch...I do occasionally offer snacks if we have extras, or something special, just not all the time.

 

:iagree::iagree: Yep. Plan ahead and ask me quietly or don't expect to get what you want.

[Farmgirl70]

First of all, you can offer what you feel comfortable offering. I understand grocery money being tight.

 

That said, I love to feed my kids friends and I want to be generous in that way. Here are a few things we've done:

 

Popcorn

Homemade baked things

leftover meal food

 

Sometimes I've had to say, "Sorry, all I have to offer is __________(usually something not very interesting) but you are welcome to it." If there isn't anything to set out, I just say so. ("I'm sorry, we're really low on groceries right now.") With younger kids, it's also easy to say, "That's all for now" in a cheerful way and they usually move on.

 

The other thing that we've done when we've really been strapped is to use some of our tithe money for hospitality. We really value it and have felt that it was a worthy way to spend our "giving" money if it was necessary to give others a welcome.

 

It sounds to me like you are a warm and welcoming person. Your kids friends will want to come over even if you can't give a snack everytime. Kids read people well. :001_smile:

[QueenCat]

Some kids are just clueless. Some are greedy. A lady and her kids came over for the first time and after a full lunch, they still wanted more. I threw together some more food and they took seconds and thirds. Then, they pranced around bragging about how big their bellies were from all the food they had eaten. They are definitely not hurting for food at their own home, either. I enjoy sharing and especially giving to those who don't eat well at home, but that incident was a bit odd.

 

 

Any chance they were German? My mom is German, and she had to train herself to not belch in gratitude. She, along with my uncles and Grandmother, have often told me how it was expected that you ask for seconds because if you didn't, the cook thought you didn't like her food. And that patting the stomach, saying how full one was is an expected compliment to the host.

[mazakaal]

We used to have the destination house and I fed a lot of kids. It was hard because we didn't have much extra food either, but these kids didn't live in our neighborhood; they were dropped off to play at and around our house. Unfortunately, we were very near the beach. So they'd be dropped off to surf, leave their clothes everywhere, track through the house in wetsuits after surfing, and then be hungry. I found that the one family with the least money was the one that actually sent snacks. I think that mom was the only one who actually realized that it would be a burden to have 5 extra mouths to feed. The other families had enough money and food and I'm sure it never occured to them that it might be hard for us. Maybe the other parents in your neighborhood are similar... well-enough off that they don't realize that it's a burden to you. I agree with the other posters, though, that you should politely send them home for a snack if they're still hungry after one tangerine or a couple of graham crackers.

[weddell]

Bottomless bowls of air popped popcorn are my answer to this.

 

I buy popcorn by the 50# bag at Sam's Club for $17. The kids can make this for themselves and friends without asking.

 

As the kids get older they can really polish off huge quantities of snacks. I sometimes have other things but when the bag of chips is gone they move on to the popcorn. The popcorn has saved me when we've had sleepovers with preteen boys.

 

Popsicles are more affordable, too.

 

I know fruit or cheese sticks would be healthier but I'd spend more on snacks for other kids than I do for family meals if I did that.

 

I was going to suggest popcorn too. The plain kernels cost very little, especially if you can buy them at Sams or Costco in a giant tub, but they are cheap anywhere. Get a $20 air popper at amazon . Then let the kids eat all they want. I priced it out at about $.10 for a big bowl of popped popcorn this way. And since it is the plain kernels and air popped it's really pretty healthy (no added salt, oil, flavorings, etc). Homemade popsicle are good too made with juice or even kool-aid (although the kool-aid isn't too healthy, it's certainly cheap). Only give them water!

[AuntieM]

Well, I confess to not reading through 5 pages.

 

DH and I discussed this issue several years ago when it became clear that we had the go-to house. Backyard stickball, baseball, football and sledding with between 6 and 12 kids several times a week.

 

We decided to budget in the snacks and even the cost of feeding some kids dinner. We wanted to *be* the go-to house, to be able to meet our kids' friends and even provide support they might not get at home. The price of that was being willing to dole out snacks.

 

Now I will say I feel your pain about the expense of that. But you can make it fairly cheap. A batch of cookies made from a box of cake mix, a stick of butter and two eggs, that's cheap. A bag of carrots, cheap. A batch of koolaid mixed up, poured into paper cups to be frozen and later doled out as popsicles, cheap. Funny thing, the kids' favorite snack was eating the cherry tomatoes right off the bushes in my garden. I planted extra. :D

 

Some days there were no snacks, and that's okay, too. Instead of saying you have nothing, get your kids used to hearing, "Sorry, snacks are not on the menu today!" every second or third day. Cold water is always available. You could even write a kids' name on each of a batch of cheap plastic cups.

 

It just depends on whether or not you want those kids coming around. As teens, I mean, when they might need you and have learned you have a safe and loving household. That's what I wanted for my kids' peers, and that's why I chose to make a line item in my budget for neighbor kid food.

[Cassy]

We have a 'general' snack policy, that is, no snacks. It's my belief that if children are eating three good meals a day then they don't need snacks. Also, I find that if mine are ever given snacks anywhere, then they tend not to eat the wholesome, nutritious meals that I have slaved over :glare:. If anyone here asks for snacks they just get told we don't do snacks. No problem.

[akmommy]

If they are visiting then my kids are expected to offer their friends some, but when the whole neighborhood tribe is in the yard playing don't ask me for more then water. I just can't afford to feed the whole neighborhood. I how ever have been known to bake brownies or cookies and offer some to the full tribe. I teach mine not to ask for more then water when they go to play at others houses, I just think it's rude, but if it's offered then they can graciously accept or refuse.

 

We did have one little guy when we fist moved here that I cut a little slack in this area, but he suffered from a complete lack of parental concern and often seemed genuinely hungry.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I tend to feed everybody rather like lost kittens. It's always cheap homemade stuff that I feed my poor kids. Generic cool-aid pops, cookies, popcorn, saltiness and peanut butter, etc.

[Parrothead]

Sorry, I didn't read past page one.

 

My answer to the "So-and-So wants a snack problem" is to send So-and-So home to ask permission for the snack. 9 times out of 10 So-and-So's mother does not want him/her to have a snack.

[Ellesmere]

Any chance they were German? My mom is German, and she had to train herself to not belch in gratitude. She, along with my uncles and Grandmother, have often told me how it was expected that you ask for seconds because if you didn't, the cook thought you didn't like her food. And that patting the stomach, saying how full one was is an expected compliment to the host.

Good point! Cultural backgrounds are important to consider. I went to a foreign family's house for an short visit that included a spread of food. I ate a little of everything offered to me even though I was not fond of most of it. It would have been a huge insult to refuse and the family was excited to share their food with us. It was a lovely treat even though the food itself was not to my taste. And I grew up in a family where food was an expression of love or kindness. My family could think of no better way to love or give a gift that with home-cooking. Unfortunately, I didn't inherit their mad cooking skills.

 

But as for the people that I mentioned -- definitely not German and it was definitely not a show of gratitude. The mom warned me as I cooked that they would eat a lot and while I was happy to share, I had no idea that they could eat so much. And to clarify, only the girls were bragging about their bellies -- not the mom! She seemed a little flustered about them but not sure what to do about it. She's talked about how food-fixated they are when they visit. It was a little weird to me but I know I've done some weird things, too.

 

Going back to the OP, I would not be particularly thrilled to find out my child was eating that much at someone else's home. Given our situation, I do much prefer to have kids over to our home and we keep reasonably healthy but inexpensive stuff around for those times. We haven't had to deal with your situation, though. Hope things work out.

[DaffodilDreams]

If I have it to give, I give freely. If I don't, I don't feel terrible about it. They can easily go home if they are super hungry. None of the kids hanging out here seem to be in dire threat of starvation.

[nd293]

On the other hand, there's a part of me that's like, "Go home and eat! You live across the street!"

 

Yes, that's what I say. Water is freely available, and I do occasionally offer something small.

 

It might make you feel better to say that snacks must be eaten at home so you don't mess with another mother's meal plans.

 

Bananas are currently $13 a kilo here, so if anyone goes near the fruit bowl they will be sent a bill...

[scrappyhappymama]

In my experiences, there are 2 main reasons why kids will abuse snacking at someone else's house: A Food Controlling mother at home who does not allow snacking or adequate snacking for really hungry kids OR poverty at home that doesn't allow for enough food in the house anyways. When finances are tight it's so hard to have to say no to a hungry kid----so just pick a cheaper snack (especially that popcorn) that you can feed in abundance without breaking the bank and still get to have the crowd at your house.

 

There is another reason, one that I am very familiar with. One of my four sons is inordinately concerned with food. He always, always, always asks for food. He thinks about food constantly, and does not have a reliable cut-off switch for stopping eating. Every activity for him is entwined with the food aspect or lack thereof. When we go somewhere, his first questions are about the food. His favorite part of playing soccer? The snack. And so on. We've talked to him many times about not asking for food, and the rudeness of "mooching," but this is something he really struggles with.

 

Fortunately, I recognize this intimately, because I am the same way. But I do not want him to grow up with my food issues, so we are vigilant about preparing him healthy foods and restricting him to reasonable portions and numbers of "seconds" since he is still unable to control his impulses in the area at age 6. I am happy to say that he is at a very healthy weight for his age, and I am confident that he is not truly going hungry.

 

He is the only one of our four boys who has this issue, so it is not a manifestation of a Food Controlling mother when he asks for food at your house. None of my other boys would do it, and I treat all my children the same way at mealtimes and for snacks. It is definitely not a poverty issue, as we have always been blessed to have enough food to eat, even in difficult times.

 

As far as snacks for neighboring kids goes, I tend to have the same policy for these children as I do for my own. If I judge it too close to a mealtime for my own kids to snack, then I am not going to purposely ruin another kids meal either. I tend to slice up a nice platter of carrots and celery and other veggies, occasionally some fruit. If my kids are truly hungry for a snack, they will eat the veggies, and so will the neighbors. :D We will pull out the graham crackers or ice pops or something special sometimes, but only when I am willing for my own kids to indulge, and only if I am resigned to the entire box being eaten.

[Denisemomof4]

See, this (bolded part) is kind of how I'm thinking.

 

But, this month especially, we're b-r-o-k-e. :(

 

I guess I just feel bad because I *want* to be able to have enough to share but I can't always swing it.

 

And, being honest, the greed is getting to me. I give out one snack, the kids keep asking for seconds. And thirds. And fourths.

 

They're good kids, but I don't know how to figure out how to manage this without sounding like the Mean-Mom. I want them to *want* to come here. But, the lack of manners regarding food.... argh. :tongue_smilie:

 

it sounds like it's entirely a money issue for you. I always pop popcorn in olive oil and drizzle with better butter (half olive oil, half butter) and salt. CHEAP and a usual favorite.

 

I don't cater to kids who want a SPECIFIC snack and I'd talk to my kids ahead of time to tell them THIS will be the snack today, don't even ask about anything else. Also consider buying sale items to set aside when you have the kid's friends over.

[Barb_]

There is another reason, one that I am very familiar with. One of my four sons is inordinately concerned with food. He always, always, always asks for food.

 

:iagree: Then there is the child who uses food for attention (not referring to your son, just using your post for jumping off). In our old neighborhood, one of my younger daughters was friends with a set of twins. One of the girls was tiny, cute, babyish and easygoing. The other was of average size (taller and older looking) and had a more demanding, slightly more difficult temperament. About the age of 4, she began to get "hungry" often. Constantly, actually. It was one of those things that is easy for someone on the outside to see, but difficult for their mom to catch. The hungry one got really, really heavy for a while and they nipped it in the bud around age 8 or so but in the meantime the child constantly begged for food at my house, and she certainly wasn't hungry.

 

(ETA she is a sweetheart and actually became the easier of the two as they grew older. The tiny, babyish one became a little spoiled, LOL I haven't seen them in a few years, but my daughter still stays in touch and they seem like good, well-adjusted kids)

 

Children ask for food out of curiosity, out of routine, out of boredom, or to see what they can get away with. It isn't always hunger or a controlling parent.

 

Barb

Edited May 19, 2011 by Barb F. PA in AZ

[beccad777]

I wouldn't give snacks for the reason you mentioned but also because the parents of these kids might not want you giving their kids snacks. They may not eat their meals at home, or they may have allergies or even a weight problem. If a child needs a snack because they are not being fed properly at home, I might consider that but the answer is "no" most of the time.

 

:iagree: This is what I think. The prevalence of food allergies is scary and I don't want to be responsible for something bad happening.