Pushing your child

[Embassy]

Do you push your child in any subjects? Push sometimes has negative connotations. Do you believe a child should be pushed?

[Emerkaza]

Heck, yes! I push my older son in all subjects.:lol: Seriously though, I do believe some children need to be pushed.

[sleepymommy]

I think some kids need a bit of a push. Not all kids are this way, but the ones who need it should get it otherwise it seems more like a disservice to them, IMO.

 

Sometimes they just don't know/understand/care enough at the time if something is important, but as a parent you (general you) do and hopefully the child will realize that later.

[jennynd]

Depends on the kids.

 

I certainly push my DS. He is plenty of smart but he is very very layback. He like competition and challenge but won't seek himself. He will do higher level if I ask, but he perfectly happy if i don't. So, I push him.

For my DD, noway. she is very much like me, If I push her, she will go opposite way. and she is very ambitious, want to do everything and think she can do anything. I won't push her, and even I do, it will not work.

[texasmama]

I have one child who would not progress without gentle pushing and encouraging from me. He is the one with an LD.

[regentrude]

Depends on your definition of push.

I definitely want my children to be challenged by the material. I want them to have to work, to put in an effort. (Otherwise I could have left them attending ps where they earned As without any effort)

This means, that I need to sometimes "push" them over the hump, to counteract laziness, sloppiness, inertia.

If everything came easy all the time, they would not acquire the work ethic and study skills that I see as an important goal, and they would not live up to their potential.

 

This said: I believe realistic expectations are important. What is appropriate to expect of one child may be unattainable for another and would require constant, relentless nagging and pushing. Not a good thing. It is the parent's job to adjust expectations to the individual.

[CalicoKat]

Bribery? Incenting? Rewarding?

 

Would that count as pushing?

[Hwin]

I don't think it's bad. I think the negative connotation is from pushing younger kids, especially if the parent seems to be motivated by competitive feelings.

[angela in ohio]

Absolutely. I push my kiddos to be the best they can be and do the best they can do in all things, not just academics. Dh and I try to model what we desire for them, and we tell them frequently of our desire for them to surpass us in all ways. They also lovingly (usually) push each other to do better and try harder.

 

I thank God that there are people who pushed me when I was young, and for the people in my life who are willing to challenge and push me now.

[Lolly]

One, I do not push. It backfires.

 

Two, I have no reason to push. She pushes hard enough. I sometimes reign her in instead.

 

Three, I nudge gently.

 

Four, I am constantly shoving.

 

Maybe I have a different definition of push? :tongue_smilie:

[LittleIzumi]

I push only when it's something I know she can do & she's dragging her feet, playing dumb, or quitting in the middle. I don't push her to new things yet. Usually she's running to those on her own :tongue_smilie:

[LisaKinVA]

I wish all I had to do was push. There are some days I feel like I am dragging them...along with a 100# weight. :glare: A day in the life... goes something like this: Working with E... C? Where did you go? You were supposed to be working on Math! J? How long does it take you to get your math book? What do you mean you can't find it? K... tell me about your history (WHEW... she got it.)C? What do you mean you're "done?" You still have Lit, Science and History to complete. J? Put down those LEGOs and let's finish your literature. Where's A? K... please go find A. C? Where did you go AGAIN? J... there is no way you read 4 chapters in 5 minutes. Do it again, for real this time. E...no it's not time for a snack, breakfast was just an hour ago. A! Where are your pants??? :tongue_smilie:

 

UGH! Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wish all I had to do was push. There are some days I feel like I am dragging them...along with a 100# weight. :glare: A day in the life... goes something like this: Working with E... C? Where did you go? You were supposed to be working on Math! J? How long does it take you to get your math book? What do you mean you can't find it? K... tell me about your history (WHEW... she got it.)C? What do you mean you're "done?" You still have Lit, Science and History to complete. J? Put down those LEGOs and let's finish your literature. Where's A? K... please go find A. C? Where did you go AGAIN? J... there is no way you read 4 chapters in 5 minutes. Do it again, for real this time. E...no it's not time for a snack, breakfast was just an hour ago. A! Where are your pants??? :tongue_smilie:

 

UGH! Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

 

:lol:

[Peela]

I guess you could say I pushed, because he resisted a lot...but I am not convinced in retrospect that it really helped much. I would push and he would apply equal pressure in resistance = not going anywhere.

So many different personalities- hard to generalise.

[Elizabeth in WA]

I wish all I had to do was push. There are some days I feel like I am dragging them...along with a 100# weight. :glare: A day in the life... goes something like this: Working with E... C? Where did you go? You were supposed to be working on Math! J? How long does it take you to get your math book? What do you mean you can't find it? K... tell me about your history (WHEW... she got it.)C? What do you mean you're "done?" You still have Lit, Science and History to complete. J? Put down those LEGOs and let's finish your literature. Where's A? K... please go find A. C? Where did you go AGAIN? J... there is no way you read 4 chapters in 5 minutes. Do it again, for real this time. E...no it's not time for a snack, breakfast was just an hour ago. A! Where are your pants??? :tongue_smilie:

 

UGH! Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

 

:lol::lol: This. I push, shove, drag kicking and screaming... How do they all disappear the moment I start typing a reply on these boards anyway? And then I cave to walking the neighbors dog and spend an hour pleading, cajoling, lecturing, exhorting, illustrating why they really do need to know stuff and cannot just rely on looking it up. Sigh. I just about talk them into it and (Squirrel!!) they are sucked into another mindless tech timesink and forget to pay attention and remember anything from history, literature, philosophy...

[silliness7]

I wish all I had to do was push. There are some days I feel like I am dragging them...along with a 100# weight. :glare: A day in the life... goes something like this: Working with E... C? Where did you go? You were supposed to be working on Math! J? How long does it take you to get your math book? What do you mean you can't find it? K... tell me about your history (WHEW... she got it.)C? What do you mean you're "done?" You still have Lit, Science and History to complete. J? Put down those LEGOs and let's finish your literature. Where's A? K... please go find A. C? Where did you go AGAIN? J... there is no way you read 4 chapters in 5 minutes. Do it again, for real this time. E...no it's not time for a snack, breakfast was just an hour ago. A! Where are your pants??? :tongue_smilie:

 

UGH! Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

 

Oh my gosh!!! That is my house exactly. AArrgghh!!:willy_nilly:

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I definitely push. My DD is a bit of a perfectionist, and absolutely hates being wrong. So in subjects like literature, science, history, where we are mostly taking in information right now, DD loves them. But in handwriting, math, art and phonics I have to push her. In handwriting and art because she gets frustrated when what she creates doesn't look like what she wanted, and math and phonics because she has to work at the answer sometimes, and it doesn't just come right to her. I have to push her past the wrong answer to find the right one.

 

But I know her limits. If I can force the issue and get the right answer from her, I don't feel like I'm pushing too hard. I'd never push her to do something that was out of her reach and set her up for failure. Especially since that is a big focus for me right now with this particular child- showing her that with some hard work, she CAN accomplish her goals.

[happypamama]

This means, that I need to sometimes "push" them over the hump, to counteract laziness, sloppiness, inertia.

If everything came easy all the time, they would not acquire the work ethic and study skills that I see as an important goal, and they would not live up to their potential.

 

 

I agree with this. One of my biggest complaints about my own education is that I wasn't pushed enough and was allowed to coast, getting top grades with minimal work. It's a lot harder to develop a work ethic as an adult than to learn it gradually throughout life. I don't feel that I have unreasonable expectations for my children wrt what they can do, but I also don't feel that they know what they don't know, and I think gently nudging or pushing them is helpful to them. I see how they feel about themselves when they work through a new skill and really own it, and I think that is good for them. My oldest is at the age where most skills have come pretty easily to her so far, but now she finds herself having to work at things -- she has to think about her math, she needs to slow down and take her time to improve her handwriting, she needs encouragement to finish a book, etc. I think she benefits when I provide some gentle pushing to meet those goals.

Edited May 12, 2011 by happypamama

[Mimm]

I push my kids in subjects they need pushing on. It seems silly to push Genevieve in grammar when she's so far ahead and finds it easy to do, but in writing she needs a lot of support and insistence from me that we aren't giving up just because she finds it hard. Imogen needs pushing in math because she'll just goof off and get very little of her work done if I don't. Ideally, I try to keep my kids challenged in all areas but some subjects are simply easy.

[lulubelle]

I push some days, drag others, and am pleasantly surprised once in awhile. I think it is the Tiger mom thing. Keep them at it... and eventually they will assimilate! Of course, that is within some flexibility and knowing your child and what they are capable of. Help them find success and they will slowly begin to become more responsible. I see it with my oldest in all his subjects and piano and karate. I gave him the option to drop out of the last session of skating this year and he shocked me when he said he wanted to keep doing it. It may take an incredible amount of work on our part but I am starting to see the fruit of our labor - as small as it may seem. Any bit of progress in seeing my son become more/any bit motivated and responsible keeps me going! Chisel away without cracking and I hope to end up with a great work of art!

[Luckymama]

Depends on your definition of push.

I definitely want my children to be challenged by the material. I want them to have to work, to put in an effort. (Otherwise I could have left them attending ps where they earned As without any effort)

This means, that I need to sometimes "push" them over the hump, to counteract laziness, sloppiness, inertia.

If everything came easy all the time, they would not acquire the work ethic and study skills that I see as an important goal, and they would not live up to their potential.

 

This said: I believe realistic expectations are important. What is appropriate to expect of one child may be unattainable for another and would require constant, relentless nagging and pushing. Not a good thing. It is the parent's job to adjust expectations to the individual.

 

:iagree:

[SweetMissMagnolia]

ummmmm pushing as in getting the child to do their best and expand their minds,yes,a good thing....but pushing as in getting them to do more and more and more when maybe they aren't ready to go beyond what they are currently learning then no....

[blondeviolin]

Yep!

 

I have one kid who WILL NOT try new things because of a fear of failure. If I allowed her to, she would coast through life happy to put in minimum effort. Granted, she is only 5, but it happens in all aspects of life, really. When she has to put in work and it's not easy for her, she balks and says it's too hard or she's too scared or whatever (dressing herself, reading, swimming, etc...I could go on) . Sorry, but I'm not letting you give up because it's not easy. I do not expect things that are unobtainable, but it is worth the little shoves when she actually works for and achieves something. The look on her face is priceless and she literally shines with happiness.

 

I have a son, however, who I have to constantly remind that he is only 3 and would he please stop attempting XYZ. Academically, there is no pushing happening here because, well, he IS 3. But at 3 he has decided that he's going to start doing addition without my help and is pulling down any workbook he can find to add things up. He decided at 14 mos that he would dress himself. At just over 2 he decided he didn't need help to swim and would do it on his own.

 

So while pushing can be tiring, so can reigning a spirit that thinks everything is accessible to him. I have a hunch my third is just like her brother...

[*Lulu*]

#1- Not pushing, just applying consistent, gentle pressure from behind. :D

(This child is extremely resistant to change, and such a perfectionist that if he cannot get something right off he wants to quit. I insist he do math everyday, but I am careful to move him slowly so he doesn't get overwhelmed and shut down.)

 

#2- A little shove here and there. So far she's pretty self-motivated, and she is always eager to learn something big brother knows.

 

#3- Slowing him down at every turn! He has "monkey see- monkey do" syndrome; if the others are doing it he thinks he should, too. I try to keep him from jumping into things he is not developmentally ready for yet. Ask me how that's going. :001_rolleyes:

[twoforjoy]

Pushing would NOT work with my DS. He's a perfectionist, and he puts a lot of pressure on himself. He's not exactly the world's hardest worker--it's not like he's begging for extra work--but for the work he does, he expects perfection and gets very frustrated (at me, at the work, at himself) if he doesn't achieve it.

 

So, if anything, I'm often getting him to push himself less, to be more accepting of mistakes, and to just remind him over and over that as long as he's trying, he's doing well.

 

The one instance where I push is when, because of fear of failure, he purposely does a poor job. And, he'll totally do that. He'll just rush through a worksheet, as quickly and sloppily as he can, because he'd rather know he's doing a bad job than put the time and effort in and have it not be perfect. When that happens I do push him to take his time, put in the effort, and be happy with the result. He knows I'd rather see work with lots of mistakes that he put time and care into, than work that is error-free but that he just rushed through without thought.

[KAR120C]

Depends on your definition of push.

I definitely want my children to be challenged by the material. I want them to have to work, to put in an effort. (Otherwise I could have left them attending ps where they earned As without any effort)

This means, that I need to sometimes "push" them over the hump, to counteract laziness, sloppiness, inertia.

If everything came easy all the time, they would not acquire the work ethic and study skills that I see as an important goal, and they would not live up to their potential.

 

This said: I believe realistic expectations are important. What is appropriate to expect of one child may be unattainable for another and would require constant, relentless nagging and pushing. Not a good thing. It is the parent's job to adjust expectations to the individual.

I encourage in all areas (including those in which DS is already ahead) to keep the level challenging and the expectations high enough that he has to work. In some areas I really do outright push, because I know he can do a lot more than he has, and I know it's worth his effort. None of this would work at all if I didn't have realistic expectations though... No amount of pushing can make a kid more able, and I think that might be where "pushing" gets the negative connotation. I'm sure someone looking at some of the things where I've put my foot down would think I was nuts, but for DS it has been the right thing.

[EKS]

Depends on your definition of push.

I definitely want my children to be challenged by the material. I want them to have to work, to put in an effort. (Otherwise I could have left them attending ps where they earned As without any effort)

This means, that I need to sometimes "push" them over the hump, to counteract laziness, sloppiness, inertia.

If everything came easy all the time, they would not acquire the work ethic and study skills that I see as an important goal, and they would not live up to their potential.

 

This said: I believe realistic expectations are important. What is appropriate to expect of one child may be unattainable for another and would require constant, relentless nagging and pushing. Not a good thing. It is the parent's job to adjust expectations to the individual.

 

:iagree:

[Joyoflearning]

I encourage in all areas (including those in which DS is already ahead) to keep the level challenging and the expectations high enough that he has to work. In some areas I really do outright push, because I know he can do a lot more than he has, and I know it's worth his effort. None of this would work at all if I didn't have realistic expectations though... No amount of pushing can make a kid more able, and I think that might be where "pushing" gets the negative connotation. I'm sure someone looking at some of the things where I've put my foot down would think I was nuts, but for DS it has been the right thing.

 

:iagree: