How far would you go to keep on HSing/staying home with your kids?

[melissel]

Would you sell your house and move to an apartment, or to a new state? Would you put your foot down with your DH and say you were not going back to work, so you both needed to figure out some alternative? Would you sell your house and move in with family in order to stay home?

 

(Can you tell that 2012's finances are not looking so hot? :banghead:)

 

Truly, how important is continuing to HS/being home to you?

 

TIA!

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

We've been discussing this. Ugh. I am determined to make homeschooling happen for six more years. That gets my oldest two through high school and my younger two through elementary.

 

Here are my lines in the sand:

 

I would move to an apartment or a small and ugly rental (in a town with a decent school system), but not a mobile home.

 

I would feed my children beans and brown rice, but not Spam and Wonder bread.

 

I would put teens in public high school if absolutely necessary, but only in a better school district than this one.

 

I would move in with relatives before putting children in public elementary school.

[dangermom]

I've signed up with a charter school--something I never thought I'd do.

 

I've taken a part-time job and had my kids go to friends' houses with backpacks of schoolwork when I'd rather be home with them.

 

I'm thinking of giving the job up (it may give me up first due to budget crunching) and resigning myself to taking longer to pay off debt.

 

I don't think I'd move. We feel very rooted here and hope to stay permanently.

 

I don't think my parents would go for the plan where I sell my house and move in with them. They're supportive of homeschooling, but not that supportive.

 

I might put my foot down, but homeschooling is less important than keeping the family intact. If homeschooling got to be such a difficult issue that it threatened my marriage, I'd put them in school...and they would probably be fine.

[In2why]

My opinion is not popular, but I would not homeschool if I couldn't afford it. If my income was important to the family then I would go to work and afterschool. Or if my children were old enough I would work and homeschool. I love homeschooling, but one of the reasons why I love it is because it lessens the stress on our family. If it increased the stress, then it wouldn't be as valuable. I also want my children to know that finances and self reliance are important and that when the chips are down then you fight to get back up and if that means working at McD's then so be it. (I am not saying that as a judgement call for others, but it is an important part of our family value system.)

[Carrie12345]

I'd make as many cutbacks as humanly possible, but a voluntary move wouldn't help our finances.

I would put my kids in school and go to work if we were facing foreclosure and/or couldn't feed our family well. That's the line I've drawn for my family.

[melissel]

Part of what I'm struggling with is that some of us are not willing to consider making changes to our situation under any circumstances (moving, going back to school, etc.), while some of us consider HSing/being home to be worth the sacrifices (and actually think the sacrifices make sense financially either way). I guess I'm wondering who decides who sacrifices, KWIM? In these conversations, it always seems that the person who's anti-HSing gets to make the final call, and I'm never sure why that is.

Edited May 2, 2011 by melissel

[melissel]

I'd make as many cutbacks as humanly possible, but a voluntary move wouldn't help our finances.

I would put my kids in school and go to work if we were facing foreclosure and/or couldn't feed our family well. That's the line I've drawn for my family.

 

A voluntary move might help ours--we're in central NJ, and we have family in Texas and North Carolina. My parents would follow us wherever we go, and housing would be SOOOO much cheaper. It would be uncomfortable to move, but we could probably cut our mortgage in half :(

[UnsinkableKristen]

For me, homeschooling is not a hill to die on.

 

We homeschool because we believe at this point in time, it is the best choice for each of our children and for our family as a whole. If at any time however, one of those criteria are not being met, I have no problems putting time into public school.

 

If it would make my husband miserable for me to keep homeschooling, then I wouldn't do it.

 

If it would make the entire family uncomfortable and stressed because we had to live somewhere too small for us (apartment/family's house), then I wouldn't do it.

 

If my child would flourish in PS and I'm the only one who is wanting to keep HSing, then we stop doing it.

 

If we needed me to work so that bills could be paid, then we would stop homeschooling and I would do what I could to ensure their education didn't suffer.

 

Homeschooling is a TOOL for our family. It is not what drives our decisions.

 

 

ETA: I just reread that and it sounds a little harsh. :grouphug: because I know that you are frustrated and feeling stressed. I hope my pontificating didn't make it worse.

Edited May 2, 2011 by UnsinkableKristen

[Carrie12345]

Part of what I'm struggling with is that some of us are not willing to consider making changes to our situation under any circumstances (moving, going back to school, etc.), while some of us consider HSing/being home to be worth the sacrifices (and actually think the sacrifices make sense financially either way). I guess I'm wondering who decides who sacrifices, KWIM? In these conversations, it always seems that the person who's anti-HSing gets to make the final call, and I'm never sure why that is.

 

That's going to be unique to each family though. I'm pretty fortunate in that the only thing I'm sacrificing right now is a bit of my sanity. :tongue_smilie:

Still, there are days when I question whether THAT'S worth it!

[secular_mom]

Would you sell your house and move to an apartment, or to a new state? Would you put your foot down with your DH and say you were not going back to work, so you both needed to figure out some alternative? Would you sell your house and move in with family in order to stay home?

 

(Can you tell that 2012's finances are not looking so hot? :banghead:)

 

Truly, how important is continuing to HS/being home to you?

 

TIA!

Homeschooling is of the utmost importance to me. My children can not handle the stresses of a school environment, I would move in with family if it was necessary in order to keep homeschooling (and that would mean moving to another state).

[Carrie12345]

A voluntary move might help ours--we're in central NJ, and we have family in Texas and North Carolina. My parents would follow us wherever we go, and housing would be SOOOO much cheaper. It would be uncomfortable to move, but we could probably cut our mortgage in half :(

 

I have the delightful combination of being upside down on my mortgage (and sinking what seems like every day!) and having a house that would be nearly impossible to sell even at a huge loss. :glare:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

For my family, all decisions on sacrifices are made jointly between DH and me. This is too hard a lifestyle choice for either spouse to be dragged along unwillingly.

 

We also take our teens' opinions into consideration. Our oldest son is actually mowing yards to earn money for Greek books and for Civil Air Patrol encampment. This breaks my heart, but I'm also very proud of him. My second son has said that he'd rather go to public school and work to help pay bills after school than to be a cause of his parents' sacrifice to homeschool him. I'm proud of that one, too.

 

If the lifestyle commitment brings us together, it is a good commitment. If it stresses us to the point of breaking down our marriage or our relationships, it a stumbling block and should be abandoned.

[melissel]

I have the delightful combination of being upside down on my mortgage (and sinking what seems like every day!) and having a house that would be nearly impossible to sell even at a huge loss. :glare:

 

Oh dear! :grouphug: Yes, that would be a problem. We got a decent deal way back when, so we're a little below what we paid but not upside down (knock on wood!).

[melissel]

For my family, all decisions on sacrifices are made jointly between DH and me. This is too hard a lifestyle choice for either spouse to be dragged along unwillingly.

 

We also take our teens' opinions into consideration. Our oldest son is actually mowing yards to earn money for Greek books and for Civil Air Patrol encampment. This breaks my heart, but I'm also very proud of him. My second son has said that he'd rather go to public school and work to help pay bills after school than to be a cause of his parents' sacrifice to homeschool him. I'm proud of that one, too.

 

If the lifestyle commitment brings us together, it is a good commitment. If it stresses us to the point of breaking down our marriage or our relationships, it a stumbling block and should be abandoned.

 

That makes me wonder something else (something more general!). Maybe I'll spin off my own post.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I have the delightful combination of being upside down on my mortgage (and sinking what seems like every day!) and having a house that would be nearly impossible to sell even at a huge loss. :glare:

 

Us, too. Our house has devalued to $25,000 less than we owe. We bought it right before the housing crisis commenced. If we lose it, it will be the hard way (foreclosure) and we'll have a hard time finding another place to live with that on our record. So we're trying very hard to stay current on our payments and weather the storm here. Scary stuff.

[regentrude]

I homeschool and work. That was my first condition: homeschooling needs to be structured so that I can keep working - staying home would not be an option for me.

 

Not being able to homeschool would not be the end of the world for us. Right now, it is the best of the available options for my kids, but not the only way they can get the education we want for them. If they had to go to public school, we could live with it - we would supplement.

 

Moving is something we would do for DH's job (in fact, we HAVE moved here for his job).

[StartingOver]

Because homeschooling is so important to us. We have down sized to a small house in the country. Did a voluntary repossession of one vehicle. Got rid of our cell phones, and got prepaid service for emergencies. We got rid of long distance, and cable. We have turned up/down the thermostat. We have stopped eating out, or going much of anywhere that cost money. We only pay cash for things, and if we don't have it we don't get it. We shop for curriculum once a year. We have paid off both vehicles. I have bought on clearance, and food is more from scratch. And more.

 

Now after 7 years of this, lately hubby has had two pay raises. We are doing pretty good, going to upgrade the house a bit. But we won't get the other things we gave up back. We have learned that material things don't mean much to us. That the education of the children are so much more important.

 

I would move into an apartment in a heart beat. I don't have family to move in with, but I would move across country if need be, as long as the state we go to is as free about homeschooling as Texas.

 

With my dying breath will mine go to public school, and then I will haunt their guardians !! ( My poor son and his wife ) It really is that important to me.

[Sukale]

I have to do both. I work a part time job and home school. My girls are 12 and 3. I work opposite hours of my hubby so one of us is always home. This meas that I don't see him much during the week. I work 8-noon 5 days a week and he work 1pm-11pm 4 days a week. He leaves as soon as I walk in the door and I go to bed a few minutes after her gets home. But our bills are paid and the kids are home.

[Emmy]

Similar to UnsinkableKristin's post above, I do not think homeschooling is the end all be all of life. I love it, my kids love it and we are truly seeing the fruits of our labors in the kids....BUT, I would not sacrifice everything to continue homeschooling. If my marriage was suffering, and stopping homeschooling would help, I would stop. If we couldn't afford to feed our kids or pay our bills and stopping homeschooling would allow me to get a job and make ends meet, I would do it. So far, in our journey, anytime we've had a tough time figuring out if homeschooling was worth it, we've managed to figure out a way to solve the issue at hand *and* keep homeschooling, but if the time came when it made more sense for them to go to school, then off they would go. I would never move in with family, shortchange my kids on food, or go into debt in order to preserve homeschooling - cancel the cable, cut down on vacations and eating out - yes I will do that lol.

[dangermom]

If the lifestyle commitment brings us together, it is a good commitment. If it stresses us to the point of breaking down our marriage or our relationships, it a stumbling block and should be abandoned.

Well said! :iagree:

[twoforjoy]

That's a tough one.

 

Part of the issue for us is that we don't want to be dependent upon two full-time incomes. That just seems like too precarious of a situation, because if one of us lost a job, we'd be in really bad shape. If we're able to get by on one income, if DH were to lose his job and not find another soon, I could look for full-time work in the interim, and we'd be okay. So it's important to us, even independent of homeschooling, that we live in such a way that we can get by on one or one-and-a-half (because I teach a couple of classes most semesters) incomes. DH is currently searching for a new job (he's a post-doc right now) and we do not plan on living somewhere where his income wouldn't be enough to live on, perhaps with some part-time supplementation from my teaching.

 

We'd absolutely live with family, if that were possible, rather than both work full-time to make ends meet. And we are fine with things like living in a small home and having one (old) car and not taking vacations (we're not vacation people anyway).

 

So it's very, very important to us that we not need two full-time incomes to make ends meet, or start to live in a way that we come to need two full-time incomes, but that's somewhat unrelated to homeschooling. It's just a situation we think would stress us out too much and not one we want to get into.

[Carrie12345]

Us, too. Our house has devalued to $25,000 less than we owe. We bought it right before the housing crisis commenced. If we lose it, it will be the hard way (foreclosure) and we'll have a hard time finding another place to live with that on our record. So we're trying very hard to stay current on our payments and weather the storm here. Scary stuff.

 

Yup. Our house has followed the township's curve pretty closely, so I know I'm not unique. We bought in 2005 at a decent price. In 2007, our value was about $20,000 higher than our purchase price. Today, it's more than $40,000 less than our purchase price, and around $20,000 below what we owe. And that's before putting needed work into it. :001_huh:

[LibraryLover]

I would certainly not sell my home in this market. That would be even more detrimental to my family than if my youngest attended our local school. I could manage the managemnet of that. ;) Truth be told, I should be bringing in an income.

Edited May 2, 2011 by LibraryLover

[catz]

I would consider a life style change or trying to work it so I could get a job and homeschool. Would I consider taking public assistance or move in with family - no. Moving in with family would not be an option for us. They would never offer, and I would never ask.

 

Would I consider dropping things like piano lessons and extras - that would be really tough because throwing ourselves into these things is really how homeschooling works well for us. I also feel it is important to be able to afford to help my kids achieve post secondary education.

 

There are conditions I can imagine that would require my kids to return to school. I feel very lucky that we can comfortably afford this right now. It is working well at the moment, but if it would stress our family life and marriage, we would rethink it.

[Kim in Appalachia]

A voluntary move might help ours--we're in central NJ, and we have family in Texas and North Carolina. My parents would follow us wherever we go, and housing would be SOOOO much cheaper. It would be uncomfortable to move, but we could probably cut our mortgage in half :(

 

If you move how would that affect your dh's work/work opportunity? Yes, you could save a ton by leaving central Jersey, but if your dh is looking for work there may be more opportunity where you are.

 

I don't know what I would do. I guess it would depend on why finances were tight, what the long term outlook was like, and what the local schools were like. If I thought the schools were truly awful, then I would look for part-time work to help make ends meet. If my dh was working unbearable hours and still not making enough it might require further thought and planning.

 

This is really a decision both you and your dh need to be on board with. If you can find a time that you both are calm you should try to figure out different options.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Any of my move-in-with-family scenarios would be pretty tough and truly a last resort. Either situation would be much harder on me than taking a night-shift job or something, and I'd only do it if there continue to be no jobs around here at all.

 

(I don't anticipate this truly happening. A few jobs are starting to appear on the horizon in our city, thank the Lord.)

 

Scenario #1: We live in the basement of my parents' home in the middle of the country in a different state, and I do all the cooking, cleaning, and elder care while my husband drives too far to work at a factory job that he will hate.

 

Scenario #2: We live in the basement of my brother's home, and I homeschool his eight children along with my four.

 

Shoot me now.

[melissel]

Any of my move-in-with-family scenarios would be pretty tough and truly a last resort. Either situation would be much harder on me than taking a night-shift job or something, and I'd only do it if there continue to be no jobs around here at all.

 

(I don't anticipate this truly happening. A few jobs are starting to appear on the horizon in our city, thank the Lord.)

 

Scenario #1: We live in the basement of my parents' home in the middle of the country in a different state, and I do all the cooking, cleaning, and elder care while my husband drives too far to work at a factory job that he will hate.

 

Scenario #2: We live in the basement of my brother's home, and I homeschool his eight children along with my four.

 

Shoot me now.

 

:lol: Fortunately, we have a great relationship with my parents, and they are very close to the kids. They're also only 54 and 55 and are very healthy. They're dying to buy a two-family and have us live on one side with them on the other. That's the "move in with family" scenario we'd be looking at.

[Susan C.]

We've gone to great lengths to keep me home. I think there would be a limit, though.

 

I went without a car when the kids were little. I cook at home most of the time, and when we eat out, we eat very reasonably. I don't want to work just to have a second car, I would rather be home. And right now, ds takes my car to the local college (no bus service). I could go to work so he could have a car (car, insurance, gas, repairs are too much $$ for him). But, then I would have to throw dd in high school, and she is a junior, and has been homeschooled her entire life, so not good. We did live in a 900 sf apartment for six years, it was pretty awful. I couldn't work then because I couldn't imagine having the kids there after school by themselves.

 

So, things have always pointed to me staying at home. But it is different for everyone.

[Plucky]

As long as it is the best option for my kids, then yes, we'd sell or leave the house and rent so that we could homeschool. We'd do whatever we need to take care of our family and kids. I do work from home seasonally though.

[*********]

For us, homeschooling is the only choice. We believe it's our responsibility to educate our children. I can't imagine a situation where we would put the boys in school. Perhaps when they are teenagers, if they want to go to be a missionary if you will, we will consider it. But pretty much, homeschooling is a given for us.

[Mynyel]

Would you sell your house and move to an apartment, or to a new state? Would you put your foot down with your DH and say you were not going back to work, so you both needed to figure out some alternative? Would you sell your house and move in with family in order to stay home?

 

(Can you tell that 2012's finances are not looking so hot? :banghead:)

 

Truly, how important is continuing to HS/being home to you?

 

TIA!

 

All of the above with the exception of moving in with relatives. Dh and I can work opposite shifts at WalMart if need be.

[Impish]

As important as we believe hsing to be, nothing is worth risking my marriage, or our children growing up in an intact family.

[Starr]

I guess you need to think your whole day through and then present what you are able to do. Can you work full time, take care of your family, homework, school "stuff", the house, ? It sounds like a lot of change would happen either way.

[eternalknot]

 

Truly, how important is continuing to HS/being home to you?

 

 

 

It's not. I love the flexibility of homeschooling, but I'm not married to it. I live in a high-performing, top-rated, well-stocked public school district plus I have access to fabulous private schools nearby. I work outside of the home and could afford the private school of my choice, should it become necessary. My kids aren't genuises, but they're smart enough to figure out how to play the school game if they ended up in public school. They have no learning challenges, are socially ept, and the bulk of their friends already attend area schools (not to mention most of their cousins do as well.) They'd be fine in school. They enjoy reading enough that afterschooling could be casual, and a breeze. I'd go back to a daily Starbucks habit to make getting ME out of bed that early worthwhile, but both kids tend to wake up early any how - that'd be nothing new for them.

 

If I were homeschooling for some of the reasons that other people do (academics, religion, social issues), then I'd pretty much do anything I needed to do to keep it happening. I personally can and have lived with family, but I know it's not a viable solution for all families - particularly long-term with you being home all day long with the kids LOL. An apartment or leased home wouldn't be out of the question for me. A compromise as to income would seem reasonable -- figuring out how much the family needs/wants to live comfortably, and drawing the line as to who will/can contribute what, where.

[mamato3 all-boy boys]

Would you sell your house and move to an apartment, or to a new state?

 

Yes, I'd move in a heartbeat to keep homeschooling. Unfortunately, dh wouldn't......so I pray we never have to make that decision. He also believes strongly that homeschooling is right for our family, but he doesn't think there would be any need to leave the state

[Pretty in Pink]

Would you sell your house and move to an apartment, or to a new state? Yes, if a move would financially enable us to continue HSing we would do it. We are military, so that isn't an issue or an option for us at this point though.

 

Would you put your foot down with your DH and say you were not going back to work, so you both needed to figure out some alternative? I hate to say that I would 'put my foot down'. If my dh and I were not in agreement that HSing was the best option for our children then I hope neither of us would put our foot down. I'd rather we come to a compromise.

 

Would you sell your house and move in with family in order to stay home? Temporarily, as in we're moving and need a place to stay short-term, yes. With no end in sight? Probably not.

 

/

[Tarreymere]

Homeschooling is very important to both of us, because of what we have been through with the older kids and public school.

We DID move into a mobile home, an older, used mobile home. We would move into the state game lands and build a house of sticks and mud if we had to.

We DO live on rice and beans.

We are currently comfortable within our means. DH works in human services (NOT lucrative) and loves his job and it is important to both of us that his work is meaningful to him.

I have explored some things I can do to make some money here and there. If it was needful I would do more of that. I would NOT go to work for someone else.

My kids will not go to public school ever again.

[Heidi]

I would die on the homeschooling hill :) Being a stay-home mom is the MOST important to both of us, thankfully, and we would both be willing to sacrifice so I could be with the children. Homeschooling has not necessarily been a necessity, but it is becoming one as we're realizing the benefits to our children. That's us though.

[Jayne J]

:iagree:Yep, homeschooling is my hill to die on. Short of divorce, which I believe to be even worse, I would do whatever I needed to in order to continue homeschooling. (I'm pretty sure it wouldn't come to divorce, since dh agrees with me.) But a move or taking on a job as well? Sure. I'd do my darnedest to make it work.

[MrsJewelsRae]

We'd do almost anything. I don't think I could hold a job due to health issues and though we mainly hs for religious and personal reasons my youngest has life threatening allergies to peanuts, eggs, milk and soy and he doesn't go anywhere without me. I refuse to entrust his care to someone else (aside from dh and occasionally a family member for a short period of time) and especially to the school system. We couldn't move in with MIL and FIL because, frankly, they would never allow it and I think MIL and I would kill each other. We couldn't move in with my parents because my sister and her dh already living there! ;) We would consider low income housing for a period of time until things picked up, provided it was in a safe neighbourhood. We would definitely consider moving to a different city where cost of living was lower.

 

Scratch cooking, careful shopping (sales only), thrift shopping, growing lots of produce and canning/freezing it, 1 car, no salon visits- this is how we live, except I finally have my own car now for the last year or so - after 10+ years of 1 car.

[Mejane]

The only way I would do any of that is if the school my kids would attend were dangerous. I would after-school if necessary.

[Jumping In Puddles]

If I had to, I would put the kids in school and get a job. I love homeschooling and can see the benefits but I'm sure my kids would be just fine in our decent but not amazing local public school.

 

That being said, we do sacrifice a second income (like everyone else here!) and that money would certainly be welcome and downright helpful, but I homeschool since we can manage without the extra income. If we stopped "managing" then I wouldn't hesitate to sign 'em up!