Etiquette question: How do you answer

[Natalieclare]

when people ask what kind of present your child would like?

 

I always feel self-conscious answering what my child would like for a present. Is this a perfectly ordinary request and I just need to get over my self-consciousness?

 

I'm not talking grandmas or grandpas here, but friends-you-are-in-the-process-of-getting-to-know. Is there some polite and catchy reply I can use? When the question is asked in person, I usually just say, "Oh, don't worry about a present; your presence is present enough." Is that response polite or annoying?

 

How about when it's asked in an email, should I just ignore it? or answer directly? I don't know why I feel such a delicacy about this...I guess I feel greedy or something.

 

:confused::confused::confused:

[dcjlkplus3]

I respond that they don't have to get my kids anything, but if they want ideas here are a few...

and then I give some reasonably priced ideas like books, or legos or action figures, etc.

[fairfarmhand]

"Don't feel obligated...we are glad you will be able to come. However, (child) is really into (fairies, building sets, Legos, Dora). I try to pick something my child does not have a lot of to avoid the "Wow! what a nice gift, I already have one of these." gaffes that my children tend to make.

[Night Elf]

I respond that they don't have to get my kids anything, but if they want ideas here are a few...

and then I give some reasonably priced ideas like books, or legos or action figures, etc.

 

:iagree: I have been one of those parents who ask because it's really, really difficult to know what kind of gift someone might like, especially if I do not know him/her well. I've spent more money than I wanted in some cases because I didn't want to give a cheap gift and I don't think all boys need hot wheels cars and all girls need my pretty pony. I really appreciate when a parent gives me an idea, most especially an inexpensive gift idea. In my mind, it's courteous.

[Plucky]

I respond that they don't have to get my kids anything, but if they want ideas here are a few...

and then I give some reasonably priced ideas like books, or legos or action figures, etc.

 

Same here. A lot of time I'll call or email and check that the kiddo likes Legos/polly pockets, etc. If I'm going to get a gift I want to get one that the recipient will like.

[blakereese]

I know what you mean, I always feel odd, too. It's hard to know what to say, I don't want to say something very specific and make it hard on them, and I don't know what their budget is.

 

For DS I usually tell the person to get him a book, something that may be unusual or not as well known that he wouldn't already have. It if is someone with kids, I ask them to get a book that their family has enjoyed. This has worked well over the past 4 years or so and we haven't gotten any books that we already have. AND we have received some amazing books that I would not have known about otherwise.

 

For DD I usually ask for crafts or art/craft supplies. She has gotten some nice artsy sets, and you can never have too many art supplies, so that has worked out, too.

 

(And the good thing is they have shared these books and art supplies over the years...I also switch it up sometimes, books for DD, art supplies for DS)

 

And for the baby...when he recently turned one my mom asked what he wanted...and I said, "An iPad". :lol::lol: Man, I wish she would have taken me seriously. :)

 

I think when someone is asking you this, they really want to know...and are about to buy something for your child. You might as well give them a little gentle guidance. I always start it with, "of course it isn't necessary to buy anything for (DS), but he always likes....".

 

I have answered this question many times, but I still get a bit uncomfortable each time. Especially emails. It is harder to say this in an email, without sounding...greedy, I guess is the word. So, again, I TOTALLY know what you mean.

Edited April 15, 2011 by blakereese

[RoundAbout]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I had a friend do this when he was coming for Christmas dinner. I recognized the fact that he wanted to get something for my son, probably felt a little obligated because he was coming for dinner, and had zero clue what to get because he was a single man without kids. I said something like "He got tons of stuff for Christmas so don't feel you need to bring anything, but if you really love giving to children* a book or something for his matchbox car or dinosaur collection would be well appreciated." Our friend showed up with a really nice medium sized diecast car for our son. Definitely listening for better suggestions next time this comes up.

 

*Some people love buying for kids and I don't like to completely take the wind out of their sails, especially if they don't get a chance very often.

[Parrothead]

I usually offer up a range of things from a card with a dollar to a five dollar toy to a DS video game.

[Natalieclare]

I respond that they don't have to get my kids anything, but if they want ideas here are a few...

and then I give some reasonably priced ideas like books, or legos or action figures, etc.

 

Okay. I think that sounds natural. I can do this!

 

"Don't feel obligated...we are glad you will be able to come. However, (child) is really into (fairies, building sets, Legos, Dora). I try to pick something my child does not have a lot of to avoid the "Wow! what a nice gift, I already have one of these." gaffes that my children tend to make.

 

I like that.

 

:iagree: I have been one of those parents who ask because it's really, really difficult to know what kind of gift someone might like, especially if I do not know him/her well. I've spent more money than I wanted in some cases because I didn't want to give a cheap gift and I don't think all boys need hot wheels cars and all girls need my pretty pony. I really appreciate when a parent gives me an idea, most especially an inexpensive gift idea. In my mind, it's courteous.

 

You know, I ask, too. Because I really really do want to know. But I still feel funny answering! And I've done that overspend thing too. When I think of answering as a way to help someone avoid the overpsend thing, it helps me be at peace with it.

 

Same here. A lot of time I'll call or email and check that the kiddo likes Legos/polly pockets, etc. If I'm going to get a gift I want to get one that the recipient will like.

 

You're right. Who wants to spend money on something that isn't valued???

 

I know what you mean, I always feel odd, too. It's hard to know what to say, I don't want to say something very specific and make it hard on them, and I don't know what their budget is.

 

I think when someone is asking you this, they really want to know...and are about to buy something for your child. You might as well give them a little gentle guidance. I always start it with, "of course it isn't necessary to buy anything for (DS), but he always likes....".

 

I have answered this question many times, but I still get a bit uncomfortable each time. Especially emails. It is harder to say this in an email, without sounding...greedy, I guess is the word. So, again, I TOTALLY know what you mean.

 

Thanks for the empathy! It's nice to know I'm not alone. And books are a great idea.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

 

*Some people love buying for kids and I don't like to completely take the wind out of their sails, especially if they don't get a chance very often.

 

Definitely not the only one!

 

Thanks for help with the wording, fellow boardies. I can now go answer an email I've been putting off!

[AngieC]

I always ask and I don't think I've ever had anyone responds with "you don't have to get anything, but if you want to get something here are some ideas..." And I don't think I've ever responded like that, either. I guess my assumption is that if someone is asking then they will definitely get a gift and just want to get something the child will actually like (at least that is my reason for always asking!).

 

I always respond with things that can be inexpensive or expensive, depending on how fancy of an item someone gets - arts supplies, books, Legos or cars, etc.

 

I think if someone is asking you that question then they genuinely want to know and all you need to say is "my dd/ds is really into xxx, xxx, and xxx."

[Oceana]

Last year at my dds 1st bday I requested that no one bring gifts. People did anyway and I was stuck with 10 stuffed animals I did not need to find room for in my house.

 

This year I have made a list on thingsiwant.com for each of my kids birthdays.

 

It has ranges of things from inexpensive and homemade to family memberships.

 

For many of the etsy items it gives an area where I can put that she wants something like this but certainly you can make it or you can buy it or find your own version of something similar. A friend who knits can buy the pattern or invent their own or if they dont knit they can buy the pattern and I can find someone to knit the project. I have listed books and it says specifically that books of any variety are always welcome. I have patters and fabric listed.

 

I also have listed the ability to make a donation in honor of my kid for an organization that means something to my kid.

 

I am the mom who calls and says "what should I buy" I would rather spend my money on something your kid would want and appreciate than something you don't want in your house or your kid has no interest in.

[Liz CA]

You can do what parents told "Jean in Newcastle": We love cash. :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

You can do what parents told "Jean in Newcastle": We love cash. :D

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

When I ask that question I'm looking for categories of stuff they like. So an answer like "my children love to read sci-fi" or "my kids love games" or "we love arts and crafts projects here" gives me enough information while allowing me to figure out my own price range.

[KrissiK]

My kids are 7,8 & 5, (still at an age for relatively cheap gifts) and I'll generally say, "Oh, DS is in to dinosaurs" or "DD loves anything princess". I figure that's general enough to suit any budget.

[suzybluecheese]

I always have to ask. One of the best gifts that I have found for both young boys and girls, and older girls (I couldn't say about most older boys) is a blank book. Either sketch books or journal type books are wonderful. That would be what I would suggest if anyone asks for my kids.

 

cat

[OrganicAnn]

I think parents should if possible be prepared for this question. Unfortunately my DD went through a phase where she didn't really want much stuff. I found even if I could give an idea like - bath toys or new art supplies like markers or colored pencils. We have several times suggested balloons for people who we felt didn't really need to get her a present. She loves all kinds of balloons - plain, helium, Mylar etc.

[Jenny in Florida]

"Don't feel obligated...we are glad you will be able to come. However, (child) is really into (fairies, building sets, Legos, Dora). I try to pick something my child does not have a lot of to avoid the "Wow! what a nice gift, I already have one of these." gaffes that my children tend to make.

 

This is pretty much what we always did. For several years when my kids were little, we tried to discourage gifts at all, steering folks toward a handmade card or something similar. Three years, my daughter asked guests who felt they needed to buy something to select something from the wish list of a local charitable organization.

 

We also always had small-ish parties with a few guests my kids knew well. So, it usually wasn't much of a problem.

[MrsBasil]

:smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

When I ask that question I'm looking for categories of stuff they like. So an answer like "my children love to read sci-fi" or "my kids love games" or "we love arts and crafts projects here" gives me enough information while allowing me to figure out my own price range.

 

I always answer generally as well, as in "he loves trucks, trains, dragons, blocks, books, Elmo, toddler appropriate art stuff, and I'm always looking for stuff that can be played with outdoors."

 

That's always the response I get from other friends too. I've tried requesting toys that don't make a lot of noise, but that doesn't work so I've given up. I've found those toys don't really bother me as much anymore, so that's something.

[ocelotmom]

For many of the etsy items it gives an area where I can put that she wants something like this but certainly you can make it or you can buy it or find your own version of something similar. A friend who knits can buy the pattern or invent their own or if they dont knit they can buy the pattern and I can find someone to knit the project. I have listed books and it says specifically that books of any variety are always welcome. I have patters and fabric listed.

I've done the similar, though I've never given it to anyone outside of family, who always ask what the kids want, and I end up drawing a blank and saying "Uh, I dunno, a book or something".

 

That's always the response I get from other friends too. I've tried requesting toys that don't make a lot of noise, but that doesn't work so I've given up. I've found those toys don't really bother me as much anymore, so that's something.

I think saying "We don't want such and such" makes people rebellious :) Or that obviously you're depriving your poor neglected DC and they must remedy the situation ASAP.

[Natalieclare]

You can do what parents told "Jean in Newcastle": We love cash. :D

 

I had to go read that thread to see what you were talking about. :lol::lol:

 

 

When I ask that question I'm looking for categories of stuff they like. So an answer like "my children love to read sci-fi" or "my kids love games" or "we love arts and crafts projects here" gives me enough information while allowing me to figure out my own price range.

 

My kids are 7,8 & 5, (still at an age for relatively cheap gifts) and I'll generally say, "Oh, DS is in to dinosaurs" or "DD loves anything princess". I figure that's general enough to suit any budget.

 

Honestly, part of what was throwing me for a loop in this particular instance was that I have an inkling there is no price range at all. Times are hard right now.

 

I always have to ask. One of the best gifts that I have found for both young boys and girls, and older girls (I couldn't say about most older boys) is a blank book. Either sketch books or journal type books are wonderful. That would be what I would suggest if anyone asks for my kids.

 

 

Most of my kids love blank books.

 

I think parents should if possible be prepared for this question. Unfortunately my DD went through a phase where she didn't really want much stuff.QUOTE]

 

Well, I know *I* don't want much stuff, but my dd on the other hand...:lol: She's an acquisitive child. And now I'm more prepared for the questions. I got some great disclaimers from some pps.

 

For several years when my kids were little, we tried to discourage gifts at all, steering folks toward a handmade card or something similar. .

My teen girls are in a circle where they mostly give each other the fruits of their labors. I love to see what these amazing creative girls come up with. Love those one of a kind gifts...

 

I've tried requesting toys that don't make a lot of noise, but that doesn't work so I've given up. I've found those toys don't really bother me as much anymore, so that's something.

+

 

I think saying "We don't want such and such" makes people rebellious :) Or that obviously you're depriving your poor neglected DC and they must remedy the situation ASAP.

 

:lol::lol:

[Koerarmoca]

It's a tough one here. Having 4 girls everyone assumes that we need Barbie's, my little pony & dolls. My girls are not really into that type of stuff. I generally give the generic "we don't really need anything but they all love books" and still I end up with a billion dolls. I recently started tell people "we love educational toys" then tend to be more gender neutral.

[Ravin]

With an honest answer, for an inexpensive one usually art/craft supplies. If someone asked today I'd tell them she's been asking for a while for origami paper and perhaps a book on it.

[IsabelC]

If somebody asked me that question, I'd give them a list of suggestions. The only thing I'd be careful about would be not to suggest anything very expensive.

 

Because the fact is, most people wouldn't pick something that the kids like and we'll let them have, unless they have some suggestions to pick from. I know it sounds kinda ungrateful/snobby, but it actually really pains me to see people spend their hard earned money on stuff we aren't going to use, while there's other stuff that we would have liked but can't afford to get for our kids.

 

On the other end of things, I *hate* getting presents for people. I usually agonize for ages, and then still worry that the person won't like whatever I choose. I've frequently thought that all gift giving occasions should be banned and replaced by some kind of festival where everybody buys him/her-self a gift, so we'd all get what we really want and nobody would waste money. OK, I'm a scrooge. I admit it.

Edited April 16, 2011 by Hotdrink

[NanceXToo]

I always ask and I don't think I've ever had anyone responds with "you don't have to get anything, but if you want to get something here are some ideas..." And I don't think I've ever responded like that, either. I guess my assumption is that if someone is asking then they will definitely get a gift and just want to get something the child will actually like (at least that is my reason for always asking!).

 

I always respond with things that can be inexpensive or expensive, depending on how fancy of an item someone gets - arts supplies, books, Legos or cars, etc.

 

I think if someone is asking you that question then they genuinely want to know and all you need to say is "my dd/ds is really into xxx, xxx, and xxx."

 

Yep!

[susankenny]

We just celebrated my daughter's birthday & had this question. I replied, "Whatever you decide will be perfect. The real gift is that you are able to celebrate with us!". Maybe cheesy, but it was sincere.

 

 

Susan