Aubrey Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 (It's the best I can do at the moment to make up for my morbidity. Sorry!) **************** 2yo, running to my lap, climbs up & says, "I need to check my email!" (a new word for him) **************** 3yo, asking Grand Dad about his kids. He lists 2. "What about the rest?" "Well," he says, "that's all. Two was enough for me." "Enough?" Yep. "Well we have MORE, & we make our parents DIZZY!" :lol: **************** There's the old standard: 7yo just decided last week she wants to be a "vegetarian." I know that's old, but it's the first time I've heard it from one of my kids, so it cracks me up. **************** What about your kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Last night, the kids were in the bath and the 2-year-old was dumping water over the 1-year-old's head repeatedly, making the poor baby very angry. Me: "Are you being nice?" 2yo: "Uhhh.... no-yes?" I guess he figured if he got the "no" in there, it wouldn't be lying, and the last thing I'd hear was still "yes". Ugh. A couple weeks ago, DH was getting the boys dressed and put 2yo in one of his many Thomas t-shirts. DH: "Look, Thomas and Percy and Gordon." 2yo: "Good job Daddy, you can spell!" It was heavily loaded with sarcasm. I don't know where he gets it. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Hmmm...this didn't turn into the multi-page Kumbaya thread I was hoping for. :glare: [Delete dark, offensive humor. *sigh* It was *very* funny, though. In a cremation/suicidal kinda way.] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 We had a funny episode recently (I don't think I shared it here!). I went to pick up my son from school and when I drove up the angle of sunshine and shade from the trees made it difficult for my son to recognize me in the driver's seat. The teacher called him over to get in the car and opened the door and he said, "I'm being picked up by someone shady" LOL!:lol: This is my aspie boy... he has an amazing sense of humor... I think because I knew he would take things literally (and he does/did!) I worked with him from the time he was 6, explaining things and how jokes work and he hasbeen fascinated by humor ever since! When he was 2, he was helping me water the garden. He was holding a plastic vase, using it to collect water from the hose and pour out. I told him, "Put your vase on the ground." Then I was going to fill it for him. He asked, "My vase?" Yes. And he squatted down and put his face onto the dirt!! What a great guy. It's so hard seeing him grow up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Not funny, but cute. Dd saw a scratch on the desk, ran her finger along it and said "hurt table," then ran off. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I recently took my 10yo to the bank to deposit some money in his savings account. When we got back to the car, I asked him what he was saving for, a big toy, maybe a car someday. He said, "I think I'll just save for retirement." It took everything I had not to bust up laughing. I don't know if I've done something really, really right or really, really wrong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Once a month my kids have written homework for their karate class. When they were doing their unit on self-esteem they had to list three things they were good at. My DS(4)'s No.2 answer was, "driving invisible boats." :lol: Whenever my DD (2) does something she's not supposed to and I say, "C___, why did you do that?" She replies with a little shrug, "That's what babies do." :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisainOhio Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 We work to limit tv but my daughter somehow stumbled onto the show Sonic X on Saturday mornings and loves it. We dvr the three episodes then she watched them during the week. Last week she said "I really hope that God has tv in heaven because I would really hate to miss my Sonic X shows" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 We were talking about getting our taxes done and the 3 yo asked if he was going to get his taxes done. Dh said "well, did you make any money this year?" 3 yo raced to the bedroom and got some change off the dresser- he's been carrying it around telling us he needs to get his taxes done ever since! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I told my 4yo that I love her and she said dejectedly, "Yeah, but I can't do a cartwheel." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Recent dinner announcement from my 4yo: JESUS would eat cheese. (???) After trying some new rolls I made he says "This tastes like nose and brains" Charming, no? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 DD10 reported to me that DD7 had said to her "When Mom dies we're going to stab her in the back." We then discovered that she wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be burned to death when I was cremated ( I had said that I would prefer to be cremated rather than buried). When I asked her about it she said that actually she and sis wouldn't stab me but would make their husbands do it! I guess I'll just have to hope that my future sons-in-law can refrain from doing it before I die!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 One of mine got a letter about being in the top 8% (if you knew the kid, you'd do a happy dance) of the class (although it is something with all the APs). We were congratulating said child at dinner etc. My youngest (never been to school) says, "That's awesome! But you know, I am Number One in my class!" It doesn't sound funny, but the dead- pan delivery (and the fact that they are never in competition) made us all roar. That's all I got right now. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 "That's awesome! But you know, I am Number One in my class!" that is really cute - I can picture it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Today, my 5 year old told me: ""Mom, I'm doing my pwan. My evil pwan. Heh, heh, heh, heh." (His evil plan turned out to be using the geoboard to make a picture of orange wedges, and then to use geobands to make a huge X over it. He really hates oranges :lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Not really funny but weird. My boys once told me (out of the clear blue sky) that Stonewall Jackson never walked like an Egyptian. Didn't get it then and still don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 DD10 reported to me that DD7 had said to her "When Mom dies we're going to stab her in the back." We then discovered that she wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be burned to death when I was cremated ( I had said that I would prefer to be cremated rather than buried). When I asked her about it she said that actually she and sis wouldn't stab me but would make their husbands do it!I guess I'll just have to hope that my future sons-in-law can refrain from doing it before I die!! :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Dh and I were hugging in the kitchen yesterday and youngest dd ran in and got between us and said, "This is how you got us, stop!" :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeathenMom Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 my youngest, today: 'can you please be quiet, i'm re-installing my brain.' he's good for at least one a day. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 The kids had a drawing at the library where they had to write what they liked about the library. Ds5 had me write Star Wars books and Story time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CourtneyChn Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 DD5 had her uniform on after we got back from tae kwon do. She ran in the other room and came back with a tie she had made out of paper taped under her neck and said, "Do I look like a tae kwon do professional?" :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 My boys are 13 and precious. The remind me so much of my father, and since he passed away last year, everyday they do something that I wish he could see. But my favorite thing they do, ever since they started taking a finance class this year, is to wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, yawn, stretch and say, "Okay, time to check my stocks." They have "investments" that they follow closely and chart. It's great for learning, but it still cracks me up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Oh, tcb, that was laugh out loud funny! Thanks!!!! (dying and getting stabbed in the back) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfatherslily Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 There are wonderful moments as a homeschooling mother when you know your children are succeeding and they dazzle you with their knowledge. Then there are the times when, after studying Ancient Egypt multiple times, reading books, and watching videos of MODERN EGYPT, your daughter exclaims, "You mean the Nile's STILL THERE?!" My 5 year old DS says the funniest things, and he has no idea! In the past two weeks: "My neck is feeling like a duck that is quacking." On taking a bath, "Ooh, I do want my feet to be squeaky like mouses, cause they're squeaky!" Seeing a picture in Walgreens that looked like a friend (and turned out that it was!), "Hey! That looks like Thomas the human!" Yesterday while entering Grammy's house, he informed her that you can't screw your head off. He then demonstrated that this was impossible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 OK, I have two to share just from one library trip tonight. We were on our way there and DD8 was talking about having some friends over, but she didn't want to call it a play date, because "play dates are more for, like, toddlers or 5-year-olds." DD5 was quiet for a minute and then said, offended, "Hey! You know, I'm sitting right next to you!" Then, on the way home, we drove past the back of the library, and to distract them from the bickering that was starting up, I pointed out the area where the library garbage and recycling bins are and said, "Let's see if they put any books out for recycling!" Then I told them the story about how I stopped at the library one night after the annual book sale and found a massive amount of books put out for recycling, and I spent an hour or so looking through them. DD5 was quiet for a minute, then said, "So, basically, you're saying you like to pick things out of the garbage?" :001_huh: :glare: It's hard to argue with that though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
---- Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 dd7 - (Little brother's name)!! You can't put a horse in the toilet!!! M-O-O-O-O-OM!!!! As ds2 was trying to give dd4's horse a bath. ___________________________________________________________ dd7- Is this what it was like when you were growing up? You know, like, before you had batteries and lightbulbs? We had lost power last week and were curled up in front of the fireplace reading. I'm only 32. ____________________________________________________________ dd4 - Did you know that a bat is nocturnal? ds2 - Why? dd4 - Because it sleeps in the day. ds2 - Why? dd4 - Because it's awake at night. ds2 - Why? dd4 - Because.... Hey, Mom, is Daddy nocturnal like a bat? Dh works the overnight sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funschooler5 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I'm not sure how these stories will translate here, but I'll give it a shot. (Warning: my family is pretty sarcastic): We were eating dinner at my parents' house, and my mom served us a side dish of baked beans. She then proceeded to sing the "Beans, beans, the magical fruit" song to us, in its entirety (as she is known to do. She's infamous for silly songs.) When she finished, she turned to DS, age 10 and says: "Have you ever heard that song before?" DS, completely deadpan: "Yes. Every time we eat beans." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * DD, 13 was proof-reading a story I'd written. She told me, "Mom, you made the your/you're mistake!" DS came running over and said, "I want to see a dumb mistake Mom made!" DD said, "Take a look in the mirror." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 We don't eat out much. *Rarely* is more like it. My sister had some restaurant gift cards, so she was planning on taking her ds out for his birthday. My nephew was telling my son where they were going for his birthday. Later, ds, with the most bewildered voice, told me, "They're going to an olive garden for his birthday(?)" Poor kid needs to get out more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classicHSmom Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I've enjoyed reading these! Thanks for posting your sweet, cute, funny stories - exactly what I needed after reading the "paranormal" thread. I tend to have a very overactive imagination and I wasn't sure if I would be able to fall asleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caayenne Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) While planting potatoes today... Me: Well, this compost doesn't smell too bad. DS9: That's because it doesn't have manure in it, right? Me: Yup. DS5: (happily) I think it smells like feet! At bedtime..... DS5: Can you shut my door? Me: Are you sure? DS: I don't want the cats to keep bugging me. Me: Gracie's not bugging you, sweetie. She sleeping. DS: (deadpan) I don't want to risk it. Edited March 10, 2011 by caayenne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 There's the old standard: 7yo just decided last week she wants to be a "vegetarian." I know that's old, but it's the first time I've heard it from one of my kids, so it cracks me up. **************** What about your kids? My favorite was when we were driving and my 6yo & 8yo had a discussion about becoming vegetarians. I had to remind them that the reason we were in the car was because we had just picked up pizza for dinner and they had requested meat-lovers pizza. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caayenne Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 My favorite was when we were driving and my 6yo & 8yo had a discussion about becoming vegetarians. I had to remind them that the reason we were in the car was because we had just picked up pizza for dinner and they had requested meat-lovers pizza. :001_smile: :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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