Guest Englishman Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hi All, My wife has just been complaining that I am far too soft with our daughter. She said she is fed up always having to play the bad guy. I know a few of her friends feel the same way and think daughters can wrap dads round their little finger. Does that ring true with your family? Are all dads easy on daughters? Maybe its just a UK thing! Thanks Englishman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Maybe a personality thing. My dad was harder on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 nope. my dh is harder on my kids than I am. I have to step up to be fair, since noone wants to be the bad guy all the time. I don;'t think it is good for kids to think of one parent all the time as the "heavy" and to think the other is a pushover. I keep in mind that the way I relate to my kids will influence the way they interact with their spouses as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I wouldn't say my girls have their dad wrapped around their finger. But he is definitely easier and softer on them than the boys. I tend to pull him aside and point it out bc he really is oblivious to it. But if I say something, he usually stops or at least tries to back me up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My dh is easier on the kids overall than I am. And, yes, I get tired of playing the "heavy". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My spouses are usually stricter with DD than I am. I'm the pushover, and really I pay for it, because she behaves better for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My dh is a softie. It is a source of friction for us because I do feel I have to be the bad guy all of the time.... and I am not a strong personality. My dad was very strict. You definitely don't want that. I truly feared him. But I do know your wife would greatly appreciate help and/or input with the discipline of your daughter. I watched dh's uncle, who is soft spoken like dh, discipline one of his granddaughters. He never raised his voice but definitely meant the command he was giving, she looked up and listened. He had taken the time necessary to establish his authority and it didn't violate his kind temperament either. And it didn't hurt their relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 It's not a man thing. It's a person thing. My dad was harder on us then Mom. She had to step in or reduce his punishments if they were to harsh. (without letting him know) My DH is softer on my kids then I am and yes, I am sick of being the heavy too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 While I'm the softie in our family, it has helped to have discussed and agreed on basic principles for discipline and standards. I think that united front has helped us a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 a book recommendation for you... Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. by Margaret Meeker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Dh melts when his girls turn on the waterworks, whereas I'm mostly unfazed by them (well, my 8 y.o. can still get some sympathy from me.) So, yes, dh is definitely softer on the girls than the boys in our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Dh melts when his girls turn on the waterworks, whereas I'm mostly unfazed by them (well, my 8 y.o. can still get some sympathy from me.) So, yes, dh is definitely softer on the girls than the boys in our family. it;s funny. my dh gets annoyed by tears, even with me. He feels a woman is attempting to manipulate by tears. (sometimes this is true) He tells them to "stop that silly blubbering and discuss this intelligently." :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 It sounds like our family -- my DH thinks our daughter walks on water. He is infinitely patient with her. Much more than he is with DS or with his older son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) Does that ring true with your family? Are all dads easy on daughters? Having six daughters, I think it IS a personality thing... DH is pretty soft ;), but he also knows when to support me. It would really be hard to have my other half always dump being the responsible parent on me. :( It would mean less opportunities to enjoy my kids and some pretty hard feelings towards him... Especially if he shrugged it off as it just being a "dad/daughter" thing. I'm too soft on the two oldest DD & oldest DS - but let's face it, they're awesome. :D DH is WAY too soft on Sarah (2) and Tim (5)! He says I'm MUCH too soft on DD (15) and I spoil the baby. :) I KNOW he's too soft on my nemesis - Tim. Truth? Tim & DH are just a great match. And DD & I have personalities that mesh together. Plus, I'm home all day to see how much the big kids do in terms of juggling chores, schoolwork, etc., so I absolutely let them slack at night and on weekends. DH misses most of what his "darling" DS does to aggravate the family dynamic all day long so he has more patience in the evening for him than I do! Edited February 4, 2011 by BlsdMama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Yes, my dh is easier on them in all things except chores. He's more disciplined than I with chores. However, when it comes to peer activities or safety issues, I am ALWAYS the bad guy and yes, I do get tired of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 It's true in this house. My husband treats our daughter like she's made of spun sugar and is harder on our son. I know my daughter better than he does, or perhaps I should say I see her more clearly. I know if she's being manipulative, for instance, when he does not. I don't let her get away with anything. Yes, it does often feel like good cop/bad cop. Of course, dh would tell you I'm far too easy on our son. Maybe, but after all he is my baby boy. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 It's true in our family too. My dad was easier on his two daughters, my husband is soft with his daughter, my BIL is the same with his.. All these three men also have sons, and they're more demanding of their sons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 nope. my dh is harder on my kids than I am. Here, too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 DH isn't hard on our older kids. at. all.. In fact, he won't even ask the kids to do a basic chore......even if it is one of their assigned chores. LOL The only have about 2hours per week of chores, so it isn't much. I think his parents were overly harsh on chores when he was growing up, so he is rebelling against that..... a wee bit late LOL My girls definitely don't have him wrapped around their finger. They don't ask for much, so there isn't really anything to spoil them with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hi All, My wife has just been complaining that I am far too soft with our daughter. She said she is fed up always having to play the bad guy. I know a few of her friends feel the same way and think daughters can wrap dads round their little finger. Does that ring true with your family? Are all dads easy on daughters? Maybe its just a UK thing! Thanks Englishman Maybe. I wrapped my dad around my finger growing up, and that did make it very hard on my mom. I wish I wouldn't have done that now, of course. :glare: With my dd I guess my dh really does make her tow the mark. Sometimes more, sometimes less than I would like. BTW, I have a very good friend from England....they homeschool and live in our neighborhood just around the block. They have 2 boys aged 15 and almost 12. She told me today, in essence, that her younger son has her wrapped around his finger. FWIW! :confused: Sheryl <>< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I only have boys, but their dad's instinct is to be softer with them than I would be. He normally follows my rules, as I'm the more full-time parent. He sometimes suggests a softer way though, and I usually go along with him when he does - he is very loyal to my decisions in general, so I listen to him if he suggests another way. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My dh is easier (well he just lets them walk all over him really) on the kids than I am. They know mom means business. However when I was growing up mom always said "Wait till your Dad gets home!" :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My husband is harder on our two daughters than I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuvingLife Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My dad is pretty soft on me unless it has to do with boys. I cannot date until I am 18, but my mom steps in on that a little, but all in all he is soft on me. My mom says it's because I am the first-born daughter, but he is soft on all my sisters and harder on the boys. If he wants to be hard on us, he can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3peasinapod Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My DH is more strict on the girls (3 of them!) than I am. My dad, OTOH, was very permissive and there was a lot of lip service, no follow through. Must be a personality thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 My dh is easier on ALL of the kids, the girls and the boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.