Unicorn. Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 (edited) Dh and I are considering giving the dc a monthly allowance, and having them use it to buy their clothes and toiletries. They really need to learn to appreciate what they have, and take better care of it. So if you give your dc an allowance each month, and they have to buy their own clothes, etc. I have some questions. If your kid is invited to a birthday party, who buys the gift? You, or them? How do you handle things like toilet paper if they share a bathroom? We know we will have to buy them lock boxes for shampoo, because one dd does not respect her sister's things as it is. She is always using up her bubble bath for instance, even though she has her own. Do your dds get a bit more than dss (due to having to buy monthly hygiene necessities)? ETA: dc are 14, 12, and 12 Who pays for organized sports, scouts, etc? I'm sure I'll think of more.... Edited January 23, 2011 by Unicorn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevilla Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 How old are your kids and how much allowance would you give them? What my parents did was have me buy my own personal toiletries (razors, menstrual care, shampoo, makeup) but things like toilet paper they bought. They gave me a set budget for clothing for each season (spring/summer and fall/winter) and anything beyond that I had to purchase. I also had to pay 50% of my car insurance cost. FWIW, this stuff started when I was old enough to earn regular money from babysitting and I no longer received allowance (except for regular gas allowance for the commute to/from high school - it was a 40 minute drive round trip and I drove a bunch of people). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I edited my op to add their ages. One reason I'm considering making them buy the Tpaper- is because they waste it so much. I'm constantly throwing away brand new rolls, because they left them on the counter, and they got knocked into the sink and are wet, or the cats knock them on the floor and shred them, or..... I'm tired of waste! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I began buying my own clothes and paying for my extras (like going to the movies with friends, etc) when I got my first job at 15yo. I never had to buy my own toilet paper though, that seems a bit extreme. I think taking the kids shopping each season and telling them they have a certain amount to spend on clothes and helping them learn to be judicious in their selections is a good idea when they are old enough to "get it". My kids don't have their "own" shampoo or bubble bath, etc. It belongs to everyone in the family and we all share it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 On birthday gifts..... it depends on who it is for. If it is for a family member, or someone I am insisting they honor with a gift, I would pay for it. After about age 12, if it was for a friends/acquaintances, they bought it themselves. At least I did when they were younger. At 18 and 20, it doesn't come up so much. They do go in on gifts together for family members. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I edited my op to add their ages. One reason I'm considering making them buy the Tpaper- is because they waste it so much. I'm constantly throwing away brand new rolls, because they left them on the counter, and they got knocked into the sink and are wet, or the cats knock them on the floor and shred them, or..... I'm tired of waste! I'd handle the toilet paper by fining each child every time a roll was trashed. My parents gave us each an allowance every month (began when I was in 6th grade) and I had to buy all my clothes, entertainment, and other things. I got $75/month back them (in 87/88). If I didn't want to use the shampoo my mom bought, I was free to buy my own. My brother and & each received the same amount, which is how it would work in the real world. My parents paid for organized sports and I bought any gifts I wanted to purchase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 We know we will have to buy them lock boxes for shampoo, because one dd does not respect her sister's things as it is. She is always using up her bubble bath for instance, even though she has her own. I give my girls allowances, and they are responsible for purchasing anything that I don't deam necessary. i.e.- I buy Suave shampoo. If they want "nice" shampoo, they have to buy it themselves. However, based on the above quote, I don't think the problem is going to be solved by giving your kids allowances. Sounds like the problem is respect and boundaries. I can't imagine having a lock box to keep shampoo away from a family member. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 My boys would go naked before they would see the need for buying their own clothing! They would also have the greasiest hair on the PLANET! :tongue_smilie: This is an area I have to say we don't have nearly the issues your family does though....as soon as TP is brought in, one child will be instructed to put it away....meaning to distribute it between the bathrooms and put it UNDER the sink/in the cabinet, so it is not up on anything to be knocked over. We also buy as much as we can at yard sales, thrift stores, 2nd hand....so 90% of their clothing cost me very little. For shampoo I buy Kirklands....68 ounces for $6. They are instructed to use ONE pump per hair wash. Even my hair can be washed with one pump, although I repeat, so I end up using two. If feminine products are a problem....how about reusable pads or a diva cup? Eliminate any further need for purchase. Just my thoughts. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 There was a family on the swim team that did this. The kids solved their shampoo budget problem by mooching off everyone else!:glare: The rest of us did not appreciate it. Somehow, I don't think it was what the parents had in mind. However, based on the above quote, I don't think the problem is going to be solved by giving your kids allowances. Sounds like the problem is respect and boundaries. I can't imagine having a lock box to keep shampoo away from a family member. :iagree: I also think it would raise our budget. Because I could go check the bargains, but since I am not driving kids all the time, they would get stuck paying full price. One good sale on a winter coat makes up for an awful lot of toilet paper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Toilet paper works fine wet. Better, even. :) It also dries. It's paper. I edited my op to add their ages. One reason I'm considering making them buy the Tpaper- is because they waste it so much. I'm constantly throwing away brand new rolls, because they left them on the counter, and they got knocked into the sink and are wet, or the cats knock them on the floor and shred them, or..... I'm tired of waste! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm not a parent, but my parents do this with me. I get $15/week in allowance. This was the last resort, as no places around here (in walking/safe bus distance) are hiring now, or anyone under 18. I pay $25/month for my cell phone, and the rest ($35) is mine. I have to use it for my own necessities before saving. I buy face wash, menstrual care, shampoo, conditioner, clothes. Usually, my parents help me with clothes since we shop at the thrift store. I only shop for clothes when necessary, and even then, it is just for a pair of jeans or a few shirts. I don't do big seasonal shopping. Just little ones throughout the year. I buy face wash about every 3 months, and I only need to buy shampoo and conditioner if I don't like the one my mother bought. If I'm trying to save up for something, I'll just use the shampoo/conditioner my mother buys, and use body soap for face wash. Obviously, menstrual care isn't negotiable. For presents, that is usually my responsibility to buy for friends. If it is a family member, they usually pay. Toilet paper is bought by my parents. That would be a hassle to remember to grab my own, bring it to the bathroom, and then bring it back. Regarding sisters, my sister was the same exact way with my things. My father went to Rocky's, bought a little flip lock that a combination lock can fit inside of, and screwed it to one of my small drawers so I could keep things in there she would take from me (hair products, body spray, etc.) A lot cheaper than a lock box, but then again, this dresser will always have screw holes in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I began buying my own clothes and paying for my extras (like going to the movies with friends, etc) when I got my first job at 15yo. I never had to buy my own toilet paper though, that seems a bit extreme. I think taking the kids shopping each season and telling them they have a certain amount to spend on clothes and helping them learn to be judicious in their selections is a good idea when they are old enough to "get it". My kids don't have their "own" shampoo or bubble bath, etc. It belongs to everyone in the family and we all share it. My kids have always gone shopping w/ me- and they know if it isn't on sale, they aren't going to get it. They are fairly good at that. They even compare prices at the grocery store and will find the good deals, and have done so for years. I rarely spend more than $200 a year on clothes for any of them. I got the TP idea from one of their friends the other day- they buy Everything themselves. Toothpaste, shampoo, all of it. So I was wondering how that worked w/ dc who share a bathroom. I do have a dd w/ boundary issues. We are working on it- but for now...... We have tried over and over telling them to only use so many pumps of shampoo, but again, I have a dd w/ issues. I also have a 14 yo who wants what everyone else has, and if it isn't what he wants, he won't use it. Ie... all the dc got Sansa clips for Christmas. He had an Mp3 that could play video, but the screen has been cracked for a couple of years. It still plays, but he isn't able to see what he is doing- he just has to let a song start, and scroll through to find what he wants. Well, he wanted an i-touch. We said no. He doesn't like the clip- won't use it, but he took everything out of the box, is using the headphones, but continues to make nasty remarks about his gift. If he hadn't opened it- I could have returned it. I'm tired of spending my money and having him waste it. So, hence me trying to find ways to make them more understanding in regards to money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieH Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Hmm. I don't really understand how having them buy it with your money teaches them anything? I mean, if they blow through the money and have no toilet paper, are you really going to refuse to give them more money? Probably not, and they'll know it. Now, once I started working, I paid for anything beyond the basics. My mom provided basic toiletries, but not perfume, make-up, etc. She bought me one pair of shoes and a couple of outfits when school started, anything beyond that I bought myself. Same for food, she bought what she wanted to buy, and if I wanted anything extra, I bought it myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 if they blow through the money and have no toilet paper, are you really going to refuse to give them more money? Probably not, and they'll know it. QUOTE] Hmmm, good point, but I could make them "buy" it from me w/ extra chores. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 for the TP, why not give them a TP jar of money. They get x amount to corporately buy TP and get to divide what is left at the end of the month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I buy all basic toiletries and clothes. If they want something special I may buy it or they might. Sometimes the tp gets wet or a cat shreds it. Not often but it happens. Even with that happening my kids are pretty responsible. Do you think your kids are ungrateful? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 My oldest is 10. He doesn't get an allowance, but he does odd jobs for money and he always gets cash for holidays and birthdays (from family). Birthday parties - I buy all birthday gifts, and probably always will. I do have a set budget (depending on the kid and our relationship with him/her) and my kids have been willing to chip in their own money to exceed my set budget. They use their own money to purchase holiday gifts for friends and family, including siblings and grandparents, etc. Toilet paper, we use mostly cloth. If my kids were wasting the paper rolls, I'd try to get creative. Maybe I'd buy a reasonable amount during a given time (say, 1 roll per week, or one 4-roll pkg per month) and after that I'd deduct from next week's/month's allowance to buy more. And that second round would be the scratchy, icky one-ply LOL. In your case, you could do a twist on that: "I've budgeted $x for TP and since you keep using so much of it, we're taking it down a notch! Enjoy the generic, kids!" - same amount spent, just rationed creatively for the situation ;) I pay for some organized sports since I require one team and one individual sport per kid. I pay registration, tournaments, gear, and all related costs. Any sports above and beyond that, the kids pay for. Sometimes I share the cost of registration, not always. They're responsible for gear and any other related costs, whether that's paying for themselves through gift money, earned money, or asking for it for birthdays and holidays. I pay the annual registration fee for scouts, and anything required (uniform; badge-related expenses). Extras (camping, equipment), my scout is expected to pay for in part or whole - depending on the situation. If I were doing an allowance, I think I'd expect it to be for things above and beyond -- not for basics, like TP. I'd tailor the allowane amount to reflect that, if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I edited my op to add their ages. One reason I'm considering making them buy the Tpaper- is because they waste it so much. I'm constantly throwing away brand new rolls, because they left them on the counter, and they got knocked into the sink and are wet, or the cats knock them on the floor and shred them, or..... I'm tired of waste! Wet rolls dry. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Wet rolls dry. ;) No kidding LOL. And at my house, those rolls become the offender's rolls :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I had a clothing allowance starting when I was about 14. We opened up a checking account and I got an ID card so I could write checks from it. I thought it was a good way for me to learn some basics about budgeting and balancing a checkbook. I will probably do something similar with my dds. But I think I will continue to get them basic toiletries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 if they blow through the money and have no toilet paper, are you really going to refuse to give them more money? Probably not, and they'll know it. QUOTE] Hmmm, good point, but I could make them "buy" it from me w/ extra chores. :lol: Around here we have one that's always loosing things. If she can't find something and it's time to go, she has to pay a quarter (mine are young) to whoever finds it. That's one way to solve the tp problem, though I don't know if I'd make them buy it. My solution to them using too much was to buy Scotts 1-ply for their bathroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) My kids get allowances that cover school supplies, personal hygiene products, clothing (except for winter coats), lunch money (if applicable), and spending money. DD either gets more money for her personal hygiene products, or we buy them for her. I have taught my kids how to budget their money and plan their purchases. If they fail to do that, it is their problem. That's why I pay for winter coats -- at least no one will freeze. I also pay for DD's JROTC dance dresses (military ball & Christmas dance). The kids can use the family toothpaste, dental floss, shampoo, first aid supplies, bath soap, toilet paper, Kleenex, vitamins & supplements, and so forth. If anyone wants a different brand, they can buy their own. IOW, the boys buy deodorant and shaving supplies, and I buy them Man Shampoo and charge it against their allowances. I used the IRS's budget for people who are in collections to determine how much to allocate for clothes and personal hygiene. School lunch prices are determined by the school, and the kids have the option to pack their own lunches (but never do). I do not buy junk food because they can use their allowances for that. I keep track of how much I spend, and I am saving money on school supplies by having them buy their own. The supplies don't cost less, but fewer supplies are needed, oddly enough. I didn't give them enough to buy graphing calculators (if needed), so I still buy those. They can't get jobs because there aren't any here, and if one pops up, the company doesn't hire kids under age 18. We live out in the country, and transportation will be an major issue when more than one of them finally does find a job. Once they do get jobs, we will revisit whether they will still get allowances. It depends on their income and any additional expenses they have. Our system was set up to tie allowances to chores, but I've been lax about enforcing the chores and have been doing some of them myself. I'm going to lower the boom tomorrow -- to get an allowance each week, all their chores must be done and their grades must be up to par (homework done, and so forth). As I see it currently, their main job is to become educated. If they don't handle their responsibilities well, they won't get paid that week. I am also going to require that the envelope system is actually used, and I'll want to see proof of that every week. Two of the boys are definitely not putting money aside for clothes and I think to allow them to continue to make their own decisions is, unfortunately, allowing them to develop poor spending habits that will cause them a lot of trouble in the future. Lack of maturity and self-discipline are issues with these two. DS3 rarely spends a dime, so he is fine. DD uses the envelopes, but is careless with her money -- I frequently find it when I do her laundry. Our system isn't perfect (yet) and that is due to me not enforcing chores and doing them myself, and to the kids not falling into line with spending their money wisely like I thought they would. I hope a few months of making myself closely supervise them will turn this around. Edited January 23, 2011 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 As soon as my children started working, they were responsible for buying their own personal items such as clothes, deodorant, razors, etc. but communal items such as soap, shampoo, shaving cream were still bought by me. If they are abusing the TP, I recommend buying the cheapest, roughest stuff you can find and putting it in their bathroom. Saves you a bit of money but mostly it will make them appreciate the good stuff and start taking care of it. Good luck in your quest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freerange Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I also have a 14 yo who wants what everyone else has, and if it isn't what he wants, he won't use it. Ie... all the dc got Sansa clips for Christmas. He had an Mp3 that could play video, but the screen has been cracked for a couple of years. It still plays, but he isn't able to see what he is doing- he just has to let a song start, and scroll through to find what he wants. Well, he wanted an i-touch. We said no. He doesn't like the clip- won't use it, but he took everything out of the box, is using the headphones, but continues to make nasty remarks about his gift. If he hadn't opened it- I could have returned it. I'm tired of spending my money and having him waste it. So, hence me trying to find ways to make them more understanding in regards to money. Wow. If my DS were to have behaved like that, I would remove all his electronics/gadgets until he could show appropriate appreciation. No reason why he couldn't save up to upgrade it, but in the meantime I would expect politeness, or at the least silence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 My mom gave me an allowance for all beauty/clothes/hobby stuff, but basic toiletries (shampoo, TP, maxi pads, facewash, soap, etc.) were provided. With the allowance, I bought my clothes, makeup, fancy acne products, hobby doodads, and I also was responsible for outing expenses (movies, mall food, bowling, skating, etc.) I think having an allowance like that was one of Mom's smartest moves. FWIW, once we were 14 (old enough to work), the money dried up for the summer -- we were expected to work in the summer. Summer jobs were easy to come by in our town, and my mom helped drive us to and fro for work. This was also a smart move. I learned to be frugal, to appreciate what I had, and to work hard. I haven't done this yet, but have been giving it thought. My older kids earn enough through their music that I don't feel the need to finance things I don't particularly want them to have. So, their earnings act as an allowance of sort. However, I still buy all their needed clothes, etc, so this approach doesn't solve the 'appreciate the basics' issue. One of these days, when my kids become more spend-y, I think I'll need to implement an allowance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I began buying my own clothes and paying for my extras (like going to the movies with friends, etc) when I got my first job at 15yo. I think taking the kids shopping each season and telling them they have a certain amount to spend on clothes and helping them learn to be judicious in their selections is a good idea when they are old enough to "get it". :iagree: I began doing this around 15 also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Wow. If my DS were to have behaved like that, I would remove all his electronics/gadgets until he could show appropriate appreciation. No reason why he couldn't save up to upgrade it, but in the meantime I would expect politeness, or at the least silence. This. At Least. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 However, based on the above quote, I don't think the problem is going to be solved by giving your kids allowances. Sounds like the problem is respect and boundaries. I can't imagine having a lock box to keep shampoo away from a family member. if they blow through the money and have no toilet paper, are you really going to refuse to give them more money? Probably not, and they'll know it. QUOTE] Hmmm, good point, but I could make them "buy" it from me w/ extra chores. :lol: And what are you going to do if they refuse to do the chore ir pay the fine or?... Wow. If my DS were to have behaved like that, I would remove all his electronics/gadgets until he could show appropriate appreciation. No reason why he couldn't save up to upgrade it, but in the meantime I would expect politeness, or at the least silence. Amen. There's problems here that have absolutely nothing to do with the value of money or waste. So far, there is greed, theft, disrespect, and ingratitude to start. Those things are not going to be solved with a budget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I wouldn't give them an allowance. I would make them work for it. Have you ever heard of the Kudos for Kids system? http://www.familyimpact.com/index.php?p_resource=items The guy who developed it had a son end up heavy into drugs and in jail. After much schooling and counseling he developed the system. His logic is kids don't have respect for things or people anymore because they haven't been taught to work. It really is an incredible program (minus a few little things I personally dont agree with). It works on kids from about 5 and up. He has a lecture series called "Lets fix the Kids" that goes through family dynamics and tells you how to make the changes in your home so that you eliminate the problems you are having. As with anything its a pick and choose system but it might be right up your alley for your dc. He focuses a lot on getting rid of those behaviors you mentioned and setting up a money economy in the house so they have the responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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