How do you help a child keep their room clean??

[ProudGrandma]

My daughter, who is 10, is a SLOB!! She is also EXTREMELY crafty...so much of her mess is craft items...oozing from every drawer, plastic box, container, etc that I have tried over and over again to use to organize her. Her biggest problem (that I can see) is that she won't put away her stuff when she is done, takes out something else and before she knows it...your room is a mess...along with the clothes worn from the day before (becasue she won't put them in the laundry), the books scattered on the floor becasue she is reading all of them at once...depending on her mood. I am about ready to remove 3/4 of her belongings until she can show me she can take care of what she has...but I don't know if that is too hard or not? What should I be able to expect from a 10 year old??? Help me before I throw her whole room in the dumpster behind our house!!!

[kewb]

For me, this is not a battle I am willing to fight. I was a total slob as a kid. I really did not become neat until my teen years. Part of my desire for a mess was probably a swipe at my mom. This was something about me she could not control. It really did become a power struggle. When she backed off, after awhile I was tired of living like that and I started getting a little neater.

[texasmama]

I would help her go through and pare down the things in her room, getting rid of what is not in use. Require that the clothes be put up and the other items put in their place before she has "free time". When I give my kids clothes to put up, I hand them the clothes with the clear instructions to "put these neatly in the drawer/closet which they belong in". This way they are not "put up" by being tossed on a bed. Get some bins/plastic boxes to organize the craft/other items.

 

I would expect that, with some help getting things set up in an orderly manner, that a child this age could manage to keep things reasonably orderly with some (maybe daily) reminders.

 

Now me....well, I have just given in to the chaos.:tongue_smilie:

[newbie]

Age old question.

 

I think its inbred. One of my kids, clean freak the other opposite. Regular Felix and Oscar.

[nukeswife]

My 9 year old dd was in the same spot about 2 months ago. I finally got to the end of my rope and we took 2 days to go through her room with 3 very large buckets (one to keep, one for give away/donate, one for trash) after we got through all of that we took the keep stuff and organized things (one of the best things I bought was shoe pockets that hang on the back of a closet door for her to put all her small stuffed animals/webkins in) She has a lot of craft items in her room which we organized. I realize that you said you have lots of organization stuff already, so it sounds like you have that covered.

 

My next step was each night if things weren't cleaned up I'd come in with a big bucket and take it. I kept it, and when she realized it was missing and asked me about it, I told her I took it because she wasn't responsible enough to care for it and that she could do extra chores to earn it back. After losing some of her favorite art supplies or stuffed toys she's the most organized child I have.

 

Now if I could just get my piggish boys to follow suit. I do the same thing for them but they just don't seem to care much.

[ProudGrandma]

My 9 year old dd was in the same spot about 2 months ago. I finally got to the end of my rope and we took 2 days to go through her room with 3 very large buckets (one to keep, one for give away/donate, one for trash) after we got through all of that we took the keep stuff and organized things (one of the best things I bought was shoe pockets that hang on the back of a closet door for her to put all her small stuffed animals/webkins in) She has a lot of craft items in her room which we organized. I realize that you said you have lots of organization stuff already, so it sounds like you have that covered.

 

My next step was each night if things weren't cleaned up I'd come in with a big bucket and take it. I kept it, and when she realized it was missing and asked me about it, I told her I took it because she wasn't responsible enough to care for it and that she could do extra chores to earn it back. After losing some of her favorite art supplies or stuffed toys she's the most organized child I have.

 

Now if I could just get my piggish boys to follow suit. I do the same thing for them but they just don't seem to care much.

 

I wish I could say the craft organization WAS covered...but you can have the most awesome system, but if she won't use it...then what????

 

And you suggestion is one I have actually thought about...now I just need to get off my lazy butt and actually DO it...thanks for the reminder!!!

[SonshineLearner]

Remember that *relationship* is more important than organized. I would say that cleaning with her for 10 minutes a day, would be good. Perhaps do something like... bring a treat for after... And make it a "team" effort instead of doing something "to" her. Memories do last about how you handle this, and some people have a problem with needing to see things "out" visually. But, teaching organization is a gift... if it's done with love and not frustration.

Just a few thoughts. :)

[Halcyon]

Read the Simplicity Parenting thread LOL. Lots of good ideas for helping clear out the clutter.

[ProudGrandma]

Remember that *relationship* is more important than organized. I would say that cleaning with her for 10 minutes a day, would be good. Perhaps do something like... bring a treat for after... And make it a "team" effort instead of doing something "to" her. Memories do last about how you handle this, and some people have a problem with needing to see things "out" visually. But, teaching organization is a gift... if it's done with love and not frustration.

Just a few thoughts. :)

 

thank you so much for these WISE words!!!!!!!!!! You are so right. This morning was VERY bad...I was so frustrated and I ended up getting so mad at her...and that is NOT good...

 

tomorrow, I will spend some time with her to pick up her room...and then see where it goes from there...

[JoyfulMama]

Remember that *relationship* is more important than organized. I would say that cleaning with her for 10 minutes a day, would be good. Perhaps do something like... bring a treat for after... And make it a "team" effort instead of doing something "to" her. Memories do last about how you handle this, and some people have a problem with needing to see things "out" visually. But, teaching organization is a gift... if it's done with love and not frustration.

Just a few thoughts. :)

:iagree:

[wapiti]

My kids generally do not keep toys/crafts in their rooms - just clothes and beds - so getting the clothes into the hamper and the comforter back on the bed are our only battles. It takes very little to keep their rooms clean.

 

(Instead, the toys/crafts mess is the family room, for all the world to see :tongue_smilie:)

[journeytolily]

Wow, this sounds like you're describing MY daughter! TOTAL slob! She's nine, and I've tried for a couple of years all kinds of things to help her become more organized and neater, but to no avail. I think I'll try that suggestion to take things away that aren't being cared for properly, and making her earn them back.

 

Veronica

[Mom2J112903]

Our feelings is that a *bedroom* is just that a *bed*room, therefore no toys are allowed in it. I do not see how a bedroom can be somewhere to relax in if it is full of fun stuff.

 

We made certain that when we bought this house that it either had 3 bedrooms or a bonus room so J could have a playroom.

[kengjw]

My daughter, who is 10, is a SLOB!! She is also EXTREMELY crafty...so much of her mess is craft items...oozing from every drawer, plastic box, container, etc that I have tried over and over again to use to organize her. Her biggest problem (that I can see) is that she won't put away her stuff when she is done, takes out something else and before she knows it...your room is a mess...along with the clothes worn from the day before (becasue she won't put them in the laundry), the books scattered on the floor becasue she is reading all of them at once...depending on her mood. I am about ready to remove 3/4 of her belongings until she can show me she can take care of what she has...but I don't know if that is too hard or not? What should I be able to expect from a 10 year old??? Help me before I throw her whole room in the dumpster behind our house!!!

 

 

I could have written that post myself, only my dd is 9 years old. It seems like wherever she goes, mess follows her and her room is the worst. One time, I decided to go into her bathroom and I was horrified with the very visible mold in her tub and stuff all over the countertop and floor. Her bathroom reminded me of the boys bathroom I was so disgusted with during my college years. I spent way too much time stressing about her room and her sloppiness. I am working on not stressing about it now but it is sooo hard sometimes. I keep reminding myself, "relationship, relationship and relationship".... lol.

 

I don't really know why I write...maybe just to say, I can relate to your post and you are not alone in this battle with your dd :0)

 

Julia

[ProudGrandma]

I think I have decided that tomorrow is clean my daughter's bedroom day. We will clean and organize...throw and put away things that aren't usable or used. Then, in order to keep our relationship NOT based on her room, I will impliment the idea of what is not put away, must not be important enough to keep...and OUT it goes...until she wants it bad enough to either earn it back or buy it back with her allowance.

 

Thanks laides for helping me think this through.

 

Kathy

[In the Rain]

Remember that *relationship* is more important than organized. I would say that cleaning with her for 10 minutes a day, would be good. Perhaps do something like... bring a treat for after... And make it a "team" effort instead of doing something "to" her. Memories do last about how you handle this, and some people have a problem with needing to see things "out" visually. But, teaching organization is a gift... if it's done with love and not frustration.

Just a few thoughts. :)

 

Beautifully said- and something I needed to read today. Thank you. :001_smile:

[AngelaNYC]

Ugh this drives me crazy. I have always helped dd (14) clean and organize, neatly folding things into her drawers and hanging things up. In less than a week EVERYTHING is a mess, all over the floor, and getting stepped on. :glare:

 

A few days ago I decided to just get her large plastic boxes to keep in her closet. These will be labeled (pants, pajamas, sweatshirts, coats, winter stuff, etc) and she can just throw things in. No more folding or hanging. When the room is a mess again, she will take out the boxes (and her hamper) and start tossing. This is a battle I'm so not fighting anymore.

[Chris in VA]

I think I've halve what's in her room. Put it somewhere else.

It's just too hard to keep so much stuff organized for some of us.

 

And I love how you plan to take the anger out of the situation. I get far more done when I don't feel condemned.

[MaMa2005]

Once you get the room clean and organized (and pared down), implement the policy that if a new thing comes into the room, something must be removed (discarded/donated). It keeps things from becoming too cluttered again.

 

DS must get rid of two things for every one that comes in the house. We have never been extravagant with toys (and his bedroom is only for sleeping) and I have to say, he is fine with what he has and still has plenty to play with. Also, clean up time is super easy using this system.

[NanceXToo]

Remember that *relationship* is more important than organized. I would say that cleaning with her for 10 minutes a day, would be good. Perhaps do something like... bring a treat for after... And make it a "team" effort instead of doing something "to" her. Memories do last about how you handle this, and some people have a problem with needing to see things "out" visually. But, teaching organization is a gift... if it's done with love and not frustration.

Just a few thoughts. :)

 

:iagree:

 

My 10 y/o daughter is the same way. When her room is out of control, I have to take a day where I can spend a few hours helping her thoroughly clean, organize, get rid of some stuff, etc.

 

Then I give her the talk about how doesn't she want a nice room and all she has to do is put things back when she's done and if she spent 5 minutes a night making sure things were put away before she went to bed, it would be so much easier to keep her room clean and it doesn't have to turn into a disaster area like this again and blah blah blah.

 

And she agrees, and I think she means well, but before I know it, it's trashed again. She's just not organized or disciplined enough.

 

The only thing that works after I help her get it clean and organized to begin with, is me going in there once a day and directing her 'Okay do this... now do that.. now this... now that...' until it's all clean again, which only takes a few minutes.

 

If I do that each day, it will stay nice. But if I slack off and don't do it for a few days- disaster area. Which is usually what happens. So I need to get on top of her room myself- and then stay on top of it!

 

In fact, you should see it right now. Wait... I'll go take pictures. I'll brb LOL.

 

<leaves screen open and comes down a long time later> :P

 

Okay. Here are a few before pictures!

 

I just got rid of like 3 garbage bags full of stuff- some was actual garbage, some was just stuff she outgrew broke, or never plays with. I did a lot myself but ended up asking both girls to help me. We organized, straightened, threw things out, brought clothes down to the laundry and so on. I just vacuumed. Excuse the bare mattress in the after pictures, the bedding's in the wash lol... but anyway yeah, here's what it looked like when I first read your thread... (I'll put after pictures in my next post; top of the next page).

Edited December 19, 2010 by NanceXToo

[NanceXToo]

And here are the after pics (see my last post, on the previous page for the before pics- they were bad!) :D

 

(And now I really need to clean 5 y/o ds's room because that's trashed, too. But not today- I'm tired. I can't keep up with these kids! lol.

[Plucky]

How did you get your dd to get rid of all that stuff? My youngest has such emotional attachments to things. If I sneak a toy out she'll know and she'll be upset (I did this once). We are constantly organizing and reorganizing her. She is a good little organizer, but I cannot get her to part with any toys, especially stuffed animals.

[NanceXToo]

I didn't get rid of anything she really loves- I just told her look, your room is a huge mess, you can't keep it organized, you can't even find the things you DO play with, let's just get rid of this...this....you don't play with this anymore...you're kind of old for this...etc...if there was anything she really resisted I left it (and some of the stuff I snuck out beforehand, things I knew she wouldn't even notice). But most of it she was a pretty good sport about! Hopefully she'll have an easier time keeping her room clean now!

[Plucky]

I didn't get rid of anything she really loves- I just told her look, your room is a huge mess, you can't keep it organized, you can't even find the things you DO play with, let's just get rid of this...this....you don't play with this anymore...you're kind of old for this...etc...if there was anything she really resisted I left it (and some of the stuff I snuck out beforehand, things I knew she wouldn't even notice). But most of it she was a pretty good sport about! Hopefully she'll have an easier time keeping her room clean now!

 

That hasn't worked for me. She does have bins for her stuff and is good about cleaning and organizing. She is very attached to every single thing she owns. She even gets upset when we have to get rid of broken appliances. sigh. Everything is a part of our family, and has a memory for her.

[NanceXToo]

Ah. Hm. Well, maybe in your case you could play the sympathy card and see if she'll be willing to donate things to the Salvation Army for kids who don't have/can't afford as many toys...?

 

Maybe you can get her to put aside a "donate" box, and then see if you can convince her to do a "yard sale" box that you can set aside for a time when you can have a yard sale, and then tell her she can use the money toward something she really wants, or to put in a savings account, or just to have, or whatever?

 

If you get that far with her, maybe a little encouragement along the lines of "Look how nice your room is coming along! Doesn't it look good? Maybe we can get rid of just these few things since they're broken, and then maybe we can go to the store and pick out a nice new poster for your wall!" or some such. (ETA: though if she's good about cleaning and organizing then maybe it isn't such a big deal anyway!)

[Plucky]

Ah. Hm. Well, maybe in your case you could play the sympathy card and see if she'll be willing to donate things to the Salvation Army for kids who don't have/can't afford as many toys...?

 

Maybe you can get her to put aside a "donate" box, and then see if you can convince her to do a "yard sale" box that you can set aside for a time when you can have a yard sale, and then tell her she can use the money toward something she really wants, or to put in a savings account, or just to have, or whatever?

 

If you get that far with her, maybe a little encouragement along the lines of "Look how nice your room is coming along! Doesn't it look good? Maybe we can get rid of just these few things since they're broken, and then maybe we can go to the store and pick out a nice new poster for your wall!" or some such. (ETA: though if she's good about cleaning and organizing then maybe it isn't such a big deal anyway!)

 

I've tried that. Today I told her I'd giver her $20 for one full trash bag to go to the needy. She was so excited at first, then after the first hour she started crying. She's in there trying again to part with some things. :001_unsure:

 

I may just have to wait for her to outgrow it.

[NanceXToo]

I've tried that. Today I told her I'd giver her $20 for one full trash bag to go to the needy. She was so excited at first, then after the first hour she started crying. She's in there trying again to part with some things. :001_unsure:

 

I may just have to wait for her to outgrow it.

 

Aww lol. Poor kid. Yeah, just wait. It's not worth that sort of conflict!

[joannqn]

My kids have a place for everything in their room in the form of well-labeled bins. It makes cleaning up easy because they know where everything goes. When the room gets too bad off or I want to vacuum, it's time to clean. Periodically, we go through everything and sort through it for keep, give away, and toss.

 

It helps that my kids have very little in the way of toys and clothes compared to most kids we know.

[katilac]

Use open containers and store like items together. Big containers, like toy boxes, are mess makers, and most kids lack the gene for putting lids back on.

 

What type of containers does she have for her stuff? The absolute best solution, imo, is either bookcases or shelves with plenty of open bins, and maybe a couple of rolling carts. Each bin or drawer is one type of toy only, so my dd has one bin full of Barbie dolls, another bin full of Barbie clothes and accessories. When that bin is full, you have to toss some old stuff before adding new stuff. If you don't want to, then you need to decide what bin you are doing to empty in order to have 2 Barbie bins.

 

The rolling carts work well for craft supplies, just remember to keep like items only in each drawer: paint, glitter glue, pipe cleaners, stickers . . . each in a separate drawer. Also, there should be a designated place for "in progress" items that need to dry, etc. Our bins and drawers are marked clearly marked. I use Sharpies for anything plastic (somes off with alcohol) and sticky letters for anything else.

 

Our exceptions to the container rules are laundry baskets under the bed for stuffed animals, and a rubbermaid bin with lid for dressup stuff.

 

When my kids were a bit younger, we did room clean up twice a day. Even if dd plans to use those glitter pens to finish her picture after lunch, they can still easily go back into the drawer until then. I would allow games-in-progress or elaborate 'set ups' to remain. Cleaning often keeps things from entering the super mess stage. Even so, plan on a major overhaul (with you taking the lead) every six months. That's an age in kid time, and they will have moved past lots of clothes, toys, etc. and the system will need tweaking. I don't think you can expect a kid to come up with an organizing scheme, but they can maintain one.

[mcconnellboys]

My son has great difficulty with this, and for some kids who actually may have executive function disorder, it may be extremely difficult to organize what seems to most of us simple steps to get common jobs (like cleaning up) done.

 

I help him clean, directing him as we go and helping at the same time. So he's doing some things while I'm doing others. I still often direct him in putting away his clothes, too. And I still remind regularly to use the hamper.

[Frontier Mom]

Remember that *relationship* is more important than organized. I would say that cleaning with her for 10 minutes a day, would be good. Perhaps do something like... bring a treat for after... And make it a "team" effort instead of doing something "to" her. Memories do last about how you handle this, and some people have a problem with needing to see things "out" visually. But, teaching organization is a gift... if it's done with love and not frustration.

Just a few thoughts. :)

Not the OP but I needed to hear this. I have been going nuts lately about the rooms. They drive me crazy. I read Scream Free Parenting and he suggests giving children their own rooms to keep as they want. That way they have their own space. You would have to read the book for the whole idea, but basically it is the idea that it is their domain and they deserve someplace to be able to be themselves. However, he advocates letting them experience the consequences of a messy room like not finding things, wrinkled clothes, etc.

 

I like the idea but not sure I can pull it off. I'm like OCD and my dcs are the opposite:tongue_smilie: I'm not sure if they are that way just because I want them to keep their rooms clean, because I lose my cool about them so much or just because they like messy. I wish I could look the other way. Please help!! Messy rooms and middle age just aren't working well for me;)

[LibraryLover]

Remember that *relationship* is more important than organized. I would say that cleaning with her for 10 minutes a day, would be good. Perhaps do something like... bring a treat for after... And make it a "team" effort instead of doing something "to" her. Memories do last about how you handle this, and some people have a problem with needing to see things "out" visually. But, teaching organization is a gift... if it's done with love and not frustration.

Just a few thoughts. :)

 

 

Yes. YK, if a child plays in their room, they will take things out of the toy box, and off the shelves. Maybe that's what play looks like for some children.

[Mom-ninja.]

Part of my desire for a mess was probably a swipe at my mom. This was something about me she could not control. It really did become a power struggle. When she backed off, after awhile I was tired of living like that and I started getting a little neater.

 

Interesting.....must keep that in mind.

 

 

 

Remember that *relationship* is more important than organized. I would say that cleaning with her for 10 minutes a day, would be good. Perhaps do something like... bring a treat for after... And make it a "team" effort instead of doing something "to" her. Memories do last about how you handle this, and some people have a problem with needing to see things "out" visually. But, teaching organization is a gift... if it's done with love and not frustration.

Just a few thoughts. :)

 

This is the best post I've read in a long time. Thank you so very much.

 

 

 

How did you get your dd to get rid of all that stuff? My youngest has such emotional attachments to things. If I sneak a toy out she'll know and she'll be upset (I did this once). We are constantly organizing and reorganizing her. She is a good little organizer, but I cannot get her to part with any toys, especially stuffed animals.

 

That hasn't worked for me. She does have bins for her stuff and is good about cleaning and organizing. She is very attached to every single thing she owns. She even gets upset when we have to get rid of broken appliances. sigh. Everything is a part of our family, and has a memory for her.

 

You have just described my 6 yr old. He cried for 12 hours when we got a new toilet seat. We have been talking about getting a new piano and he's already making comments against it.

 

It's hard when they want to keep every little thing. I don't know what the solution is.

[Plucky]

Interesting.....must keep that in mind.

 

 

 

 

 

This is the best post I've read in a long time. Thank you so very much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have just described my 6 yr old. He cried for 12 hours when we got a new toilet seat. We have been talking about getting a new piano and he's already making comments against it.

 

It's hard when they want to keep every little thing. I don't know what the solution is.

 

 

I think we just wait it out. My dd is very emotional, nostalgic, sentimental, etc. She loves to play and her stuffed animals are real to her. Some day she'll grow out of it, right? I think she will.

[JadeOrchidSong]

I was just wondering about this. I looked at my boys' room in disgust because it was so messy. I need to work on having them clean and organize their stuff.

[katilac]

You have just described my 6 yr old. He cried for 12 hours when we got a new toilet seat.

 

:lol: :lol:

 

My entire family gets a bit sad when we replace things. We always thank the old item for serving us well, and give it best wishes for finding a new home, lol. But I'm pretty sure we skipped the fond farewell when we replaced the toilet seat, and now I feel guilty ;).

[creekmom]

I just spent a day with my girls cleaning (out) their room and the same with the boys. The biggest problem when they clean themselves is that they just move stuff around instead of actually getting rid of stuff. We gave away (or threw out) every toy/game that hadn't been played with in a while. I wrote myself a note and taped it to the kitchen cabinet to remind myself and them (ROOM INSPECTIONS AT 9:00 p.m.!). If their room doesn't pass inspection, they lose all screen time (computer, TV, etc.) for the next day- and they have to clean their room before any play time the next day. So far, this is working well. - We did tell them they could keep one toy out if they were building with it, etc. I'm hoping this still works once we start back to school after Christmas, but for now, during break, it's working like a charm!

[Mom0012]

My son has always been very neat. He would actually get up in the morning, make his bed first thing and then straighten up for a minute or two and be done. He used to comment to me how easy it was to keep things clean if you just spent a few minutes each day instead of letting the mess build up.

 

THEN, he hit puberty and things changed.

 

I just had a talk with him this morning because the floor of his room is covered with legos and dirty clothes every day and the floor of our school room/playroom is covered with legos and nerf guns. He has a large table to work at and yet he often has about a 4" workspace because it is covered with papers and legos.

 

The new rules are: 1) He cannot start his schoolwork until his desk is clean (he likes to get an early start so he can have time to play in the afternoon) and 2) he cannot have any screen time in the evening unless his room and the playroom are clean.

 

I don't have it in me to stay on top of him about cleaning his mess every day and I don't want to be nagging him, so I'm making the problem his. This type of thing has worked in the past for me with him, so I'm hopeful it will work in this situation.

 

Lisa

[Soror]

All kids are different but this is what I do with my 6 and 3.5 y. 6 yo keeps his room himself, I help the 3.5 some, putting her books up and help with her bed.

1)We generally declutter at least 2x a year- around bdays and Christmas.

2)I also have that rule when new things come in old things go out and if they cannot keep it reasonably together then there is too much stuff.

3)We do cleanings morning and evening, that way it never gets too overwhelming and only takes a couple of minutes. I do an inspection. Really it only takes at most 10 min.

4)Everything is sorted and has a spot to go

 

Little crap and broken toys I do clear out without them. Bigger things we talk about and such. Clothes are sorted easily for them- underclothes/pjs- town clothes/play clothes.