Dance Rant (Dance Moms Please Help)

[at the beach]

My 13 yo dances at a performance/competition studio. She loves ballet and can only take a limited amount of ballet here (about 6 hours) but she feels the instruction is light years above what she had at the previous studio. She takes other classes (tap, jazz, modern, musical theatre skills, hip-hop) and she dances about 15 hours a week usually. It is never less. She is on performance team. There is always something like a parade, mall show, competition, master classes, etc. none of which typically involve ballet. Now, the Christmas show is approaching and this involves more practices, which are mainly on Sundays. She is already there Saturdays and most evenings. The Christmas show is on Thanksgiving weekend. Dress rehearsal is on Friday and the shows are Sat. and Sun. She is in all four shows. Thanksgiving weekend? :banghead: I feel like, is nothing sacred anymore? Our entire weekend will be consumed by this show. Sigh. Am I being a bad momma thinking this way? My husband is none too happy, either. I'm actually not even sure 13 yo is thrilled about it. Big sis will be home from college and this is one time they get to spend a lot of time together and now they won't.

 

I realize pro dancers must dance at all times, etc. But my daughter is 13. She is not a pro and I feel like her entire life is being consumed by this and I am wondering if it is unhealthy for her and for our family. Plus, so much of it focuses on dance that is not really her area of interest. The closest ballet school is nearly an hour a way. She would like to do the summer intensive there, and I feel okay about that but I am not sure I could drive that distance during the school year and in the winter, especially.

 

My husband feels that she is too young right now to be worked this hard physically. Her toenail looked very bad last week after pointe and we were none too happy. The studio she's in does work them hard. She is tired. She is not as interested in academics as she used to be. She is complaining about Latin now even though she got a perfect paper last year on the NLE. She's still maintaining a high grade in her class this year but it takes work and I think she is just feeling weary.

 

So, dance moms, please tell me if this is par for the course and if you would be fine with the dance studio controlling every spare moment, invading holiday weekends and Sundays? Also, it is not just the time factor. There is more than that bugging me here. Maybe the sustained intensity of it? :confused: The thought of doing this until she's out of high school makes me feel very down. :sad:

 

Advice? Suggestions? Anything?

[....]

We don't do dance, sports or anything like that, so I don't have any advice, but :grouphug:.

 

We are friends with a family who is doing football and their level of committment is WAY more than our family could handle.

[Luckymama]

Dd10 still dances where dd15 did (she stopped last year). This is a classical-ballet-only studio, with two full-length ballets performed each year-----always The Nutcracker with Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or Swan Lake etc. There are some smaller performances, such as the state dance festival and local events, but only company performs at those.

 

There are never rehearsals on Sundays and very very rarely performances (never rehearsals) on holiday weekends. The artistic director, who still performs in his own modern dance group, believes strongly that everyone should have at least one day off per week, preferably two.

[unsinkable]

My 13 yo dances at a performance/competition studio. She loves ballet and can only take a limited amount of ballet here (about 6 hours) but she feels the instruction is light years above what she had at the previous studio. She takes other classes (tap, jazz, modern, musical theatre skills, hip-hop) and she dances about 15 hours a week usually. It is never less. She is on performance team. There is always something like a parade, mall show, competition, master classes, etc. none of which typically involve ballet. Now, the Christmas show is approaching and this involves more practices, which are mainly on Sundays. She is already there Saturdays and most evenings. The Christmas show is on Thanksgiving weekend. Dress rehearsal is on Friday and the shows are Sat. and Sun. She is in all four shows. Thanksgiving weekend? :banghead: I feel like, is nothing sacred anymore? Our entire weekend will be consumed by this show. Sigh. Am I being a bad momma thinking this way? My husband is none too happy, either. I'm actually not even sure 13 yo is thrilled about it. Big sis will be home from college and this is one time they get to spend a lot of time together and now they won't.

 

I realize pro dancers must dance at all times, etc. But my daughter is 13. She is not a pro and I feel like her entire life is being consumed by this and I am wondering if it is unhealthy for her and for our family. Plus, so much of it focuses on dance that is not really her area of interest. The closest ballet school is nearly an hour a way. She would like to do the summer intensive there, and I feel okay about that but I am not sure I could drive that distance during the school year and in the winter, especially.

 

My husband feels that she is too young right now to be worked this hard physically. Her toenail looked very bad last week after pointe and we were none too happy. The studio she's in does work them hard. She is tired. She is not as interested in academics as she used to be. She is complaining about Latin now even though she got a perfect paper last year on the NLE. She's still maintaining a high grade in her class this year but it takes work and I think she is just feeling weary.

 

So, dance moms, please tell me if this is par for the course and if you would be fine with the dance studio controlling every spare moment, invading holiday weekends and Sundays? Also, it is not just the time factor. There is more than that bugging me here. Maybe the sustained intensity of it? :confused: The thought of doing this until she's out of high school makes me feel very down. :sad:

 

Advice? Suggestions? Anything?

 

Violet,

 

:grouphug: This sounds tough! I know of families that have daughters that dance this much but I don't think they do shows on holiday weekends.

 

It would be difficult for our family to keep that pace. My oldest son played travel hockey for years and it does drain the energy from the family after a while and he didn't even keep up the pace you are talking about.

 

The mental toll can turn to a phyical toll very quickly, IMO.

 

Is there anyway she can pull back at all?

 

Good luck!

[Perry]

My girls dance, and it is a big commitment. We have Sunday practices twice a month. We've never had a holiday weekend performance or rehearsal, but the rest of it is similar to what we do.

 

It's all voluntary though. We pick and choose which classes to take. Older dd doesn't have time for competition any more, and has cut down on her classes.

 

Foot problems go with the territory, especially if she does pointe. Since my girls aren't pre-professional, we have decided against allowing pointe.

[Wheres Toto]

My daughter is in her 12th year of competition dance. We have only ever had practices on a Sunday twice and it was because of conflicts on a particular Saturday. Our studios always closed for Thanksgiving weekend and for a Holiday break from Christmas to New Years. Competitions do take up entire weekends and have fallen on minor school holiday weekends (Memorial Day, Martin Luther King Day, Mother's Day) but never on a major holiday (no Easter weekend). Her current studio is also closed on Fridays so she usually dances Monday through Thursday and Saturday (our old studio didn't do teams on Saturdays, only privates so you didn't necessarily have to be there).

 

I would have a problem with the schedule you describe. It seems like way too much for a 13 year old, not to mention Thanksgiving weekend is ridiculous. Is all this stuff required? Is there anything she can let go of to help?

 

I would also watch her with the pointe. There's a high potential for injury there if she is not being taught correctly and unfortunately a lot of competition studios that don't focus on ballet do not have strong technique in pointe. This may not be the case at your studio but it's something to check. It's a shame the closest ballet studio is so far away from you. I do drive about 45 minutes each way to get my dd to her studio.

[PiCO]

My 13 yo dances at a performance/competition studio. She loves ballet and can only take a limited amount of ballet here (about 6 hours) but she feels the instruction is light years above what she had at the previous studio. She takes other classes (tap, jazz, modern, musical theatre skills, hip-hop) and she dances about 15 hours a week usually. It is never less. She is on performance team. There is always something like a parade, mall show, competition, master classes, etc. none of which typically involve ballet.

 

Can she do the dance classes without being on the performance team?

 

Now, the Christmas show is approaching and this involves more practices, which are mainly on Sundays. She is already there Saturdays and most evenings. The Christmas show is on Thanksgiving weekend. Dress rehearsal is on Friday and the shows are Sat. and Sun. She is in all four shows. Thanksgiving weekend? :banghead: I feel like, is nothing sacred anymore? Our entire weekend will be consumed by this show. Sigh. Am I being a bad momma thinking this way? My husband is none too happy, either. I'm actually not even sure 13 yo is thrilled about it. Big sis will be home from college and this is one time they get to spend a lot of time together and now they won't.

 

Have you talked to the studio owners? It's really above and beyond expecting children to practice both Saturday and Sunday. And Thanksgiving weekend? I'm surprised they were able to get everyone to commit to that. Did you know all this when you signed up for the year? Can you take classes at this studio and not sign up for the performances, if they don't fit into your schedule?

 

I realize pro dancers must dance at all times, etc. But my daughter is 13. She is not a pro and I feel like her entire life is being consumed by this and I am wondering if it is unhealthy for her and for our family. Plus, so much of it focuses on dance that is not really her area of interest. The closest ballet school is nearly an hour a way. She would like to do the summer intensive there, and I feel okay about that but I am not sure I could drive that distance during the school year and in the winter, especially.

 

I don't think 15 hours /wk is an unreasonable amount for a serious 13-yo. But you do have to decide if it's what is best for your family, especially since your dd would rather just do ballet.

 

My husband feels that she is too young right now to be worked this hard physically. Her toenail looked very bad last week after pointe and we were none too happy. The studio she's in does work them hard. She is tired. She is not as interested in academics as she used to be. She is complaining about Latin now even though she got a perfect paper last year on the NLE. She's still maintaining a high grade in her class this year but it takes work and I think she is just feeling weary.

 

Make sure she's getting enough rest, and eating properly. Injured toenails are kind of par for the course, but keep an eye on her fatigue level.

 

My main advise is to really think through what is best for your family and your dd, and discuss the perfomance schedule with the studio owners/directors if you decide you want to stay.

[AngelaNYC]

Hi Violet,

 

My 14-y/o dd goes to a studio like yours. Performances, conventions, workshops, master classes, competitions, 6-16 hours/week of tech & choreography, private lessons on "off days", etc, since she was about 7 years old. Unfortunately, all this last minute rehearsal and time at the studio are par for the course (always with an email stating.."sorry, I know it's last minute, but..."). Now dd goes to the fame school and dances 15 hours/week there + dances another 5-8 hours at the studio every week + she assistant teaches 3-y/os on Saturday mornings. Thankfully, she loves it all still, but I worry sometimes too.

 

I suggest your dd focus on the ballet right now and drop most of the performance/comp stuff. This way, she can do the 6 hours/week at the studio and maybe some private ballet instruction? (since you'll be saving $$ by stopping the other stuff). Then do the summer intensive every year. Can she enter a ballet solo for competition and not do most of the group numbers? Sit down and have a long talk with her about it. See how she feels and what she wants to do. I know she's probably already started new choreo for the upcoming comps (we usually start with Feb comps), but see if it's not to late to pull out of some of them. Or just continue with this season as usual and make a new plan for next year.

 

Big hugs and good luck on your decisions.

[at the beach]

Dd10 still dances where dd15 did (she stopped last year). This is a classical-ballet-only studio, with two full-length ballets performed each year-----always The Nutcracker with Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or Swan Lake etc. There are some smaller performances, such as the state dance festival and local events, but only company performs at those.

 

There are never rehearsals on Sundays and very very rarely performances (never rehearsals) on holiday weekends. The artistic director, who still performs in his own modern dance group, believes strongly that everyone should have at least one day off per week, preferably two.

 

Thank you for this. :grouphug: I need to hear that there are places that are like this. I feel it is important to honor family time. I feel like the currents studio has placed dance as the most important thing in a person's life. My child has no days off at all. I also know it is impacting her studies to some extent. She wants to dance professionally (or so she says) but she says if that does not work out for her, she wants to study medicine. She is a very bright kid and has a lot of ability academically. I fear her putting all her eggs into a dance basket.

[dancer67]

My 17 yo has been competition dancing now for about 14 years. Dance is a huge time committment.

 

With that said, we do tell our daughter that she does not have to do EVERYTHING the studio requires her to do. Sometimes, they will have a show on a holiday weekend like this. And we opt out of one performance. Or, if the competition is going to be far away, we simply do not do it due to cost.

 

She also student teaches, so she is at the studio alot.

 

But we have a terrific teacher/owner who understands that kids do have a life outside the studio, and if their passion for dance brings them to the studio 5 days a week, that is their choice. Or not.

 

Your daughter has a grueling dance schedule. I say it is okay for her to take a break. And her dance teacher should understand that.

 

:grouphug:

[at the beach]

Can she do the dance classes without being on the performance team?

She could but it would be frowned upon. Girls who cut back and don't do it are viewed as lazy and the teachers say as much.

 

 

 

 

Have you talked to the studio owners? It's really above and beyond expecting children to practice both Saturday and Sunday. And Thanksgiving weekend? I'm surprised they were able to get everyone to commit to that. Did you know all this when you signed up for the year? Can you take classes at this studio and not sign up for the performances, if they don't fit into your schedule?

She feels that at this studio, she must do performance group. She wouldn't get the attention she gets without that. I am surprised, too, people commit. I didn't fully realize it. But they do say you must be available at the drop of a hat. The Thanksgiving performance is optional but not for performance group. They require it. And she feels like she could not dance here without performance group. Performance group means doing everything they ask unless there is a real emergency. You can miss five rehearsals a year--five Saturdays. That's it.

 

 

 

 

I don't think 15 hours /wk is an unreasonable amount for a serious 13-yo. But you do have to decide if it's what is best for your family, especially since your dd would rather just do ballet.

Thanks. I felt this way about it until recently. I think I feel differently now that I am seeing that a lot of these performances are just to get the word out about the studio. They are wonderful people but I feel like there is a boundary issue==iow, respecting that all people need some personal time/space.

 

 

 

 

Make sure she's getting enough rest, and eating properly. Injured toenails are kind of par for the course, but keep an eye on her fatigue level.

 

My main advise is to really think through what is best for your family and your dd, and discuss the perfomance schedule with the studio owners/directors if you decide you want to stay.

 

Thanks. I do watch her diet and her fatigue level. I think that's what has gotten me concerned lately. That she seems tired and academics seem not as important.

[at the beach]

Hi Violet,

 

My 14-y/o dd goes to a studio like yours. Performances, conventions, workshops, master classes, competitions, 6-16 hours/week of tech & choreography, private lessons on "off days", etc, since she was about 7 years old. Unfortunately, all this last minute rehearsal and time at the studio are par for the course (always with an email stating.."sorry, I know it's last minute, but..."). Now dd goes to the fame school and dances 15 hours/week there + dances another 5-8 hours at the studio every week + she assistant teaches 3-y/os on Saturday mornings. Thankfully, she loves it all still, but I worry sometimes too.

 

I suggest your dd focus on the ballet right now and drop most of the performance/comp stuff. This way, she can do the 6 hours/week at the studio and maybe some private ballet instruction? (since you'll be saving $$ by stopping the other stuff). Then do the summer intensive every year. Can she enter a ballet solo for competition and not do most of the group numbers? Sit down and have a long talk with her about it. See how she feels and what she wants to do. I know she's probably already started new choreo for the upcoming comps (we usually start with Feb comps), but see if it's not to late to pull out of some of them. Or just continue with this season as usual and make a new plan for next year.

 

Big hugs and good luck on your decisions.

 

Thanks. It's good to hear from others who are in the same boat. There really isn't any way for her to cut back at this studio unless she gives up her extra ballet class, which is two hours. She doesn't want to do that. I think if it was her regular schedule, it would not be so crazy feeling. I don't know. Lots to think about. Sigh.

[Starr]

Our family had to make some tough decisions as well. I would caution in regard to the summer program if you are not willing to continue in the fall. If this is what she loves she's bound to want to continue. I would think through the whole picture. Most of us live with limited geographical opportunities and have to see how they work with our family life. It's tough. :grouphug:

[at the beach]

My 17 yo has been competition dancing now for about 14 years. Dance is a huge time committment.

 

With that said, we do tell our daughter that she does not have to do EVERYTHING the studio requires her to do. Sometimes, they will have a show on a holiday weekend like this. And we opt out of one performance. Or, if the competition is going to be far away, we simply do not do it due to cost.

 

She also student teaches, so she is at the studio alot.

 

But we have a terrific teacher/owner who understands that kids do have a life outside the studio, and if their passion for dance brings them to the studio 5 days a week, that is their choice. Or not.

 

Your daughter has a grueling dance schedule. I say it is okay for her to take a break. And her dance teacher should understand that.

 

:grouphug:

 

Her dance studio compares performance group to kids who are doing sports teams. That also would not be our cup of tea. But I didn't think sports went year round like this, either. This studio has a serious rep for being highly competitive. My daughter is competitive in nature, too. So, she would not easily be able to lighten her load here. I think it is a grueling schedule, too. I noticed that the professional ballet school for girls her age would be two evenings a week for 3.5 hours each and Saturdays for four hours. That's significantly less that the time she spends at her studio on a regular basis as well as less taking into account all the other stuff. I guess I am viewing it as something that is possibly not benefiting her to the extent she puts in it. That maybe this sort of output from her isn't necessary at this stage. :confused: Thank you for your thoughts.

[at the beach]

Our family had to make some tough decisions as well. I would caution in regard to the summer program if you are not willing to continue in the fall. If this is what she loves she's bound to want to continue. I would think through the whole picture. Most of us live with limited geographical opportunities and have to see how they work with our family life. It's tough. :grouphug:

 

That's a good point, for sure. I've thought about that. Because I do wonder how that would be, hauling her that distance regularly. And if we could even afford to do that. Because you are right, she would be bound to want to continue. Thanks.

[unsinkable]

That's a good point, for sure. I've thought about that. Because I do wonder how that would be, hauling her that distance regularly. And if we could even afford to do that. Because you are right, she would be bound to want to continue. Thanks.

 

Are there any other dancers from your area that make the drive?

 

Then you could carpool.

 

Just a thought...

[LibraryLover]

Our music schedule is like that currently. It's one reaseon, if asked by parents of small children, I encourage people to wait on outside activites, or at the very least, limit them.

 

Because...someday...a family is probably going to have a child with a passion...and that passion will conflict with cozy at -home family time. You might travel to these events as a family, and that is good and exciting in it's own way. But it's not cozy at-home time.

 

My son has a music performace on T'giving day. My youngest has Nutcracker rehersals every weekend (plus 6 hours of lessons per week) until right before Christmas, and several performance around town starting mid November.

 

My artist has a couple of shows, and we have to travel to Portfolio Days for several colleges in the next couple of months.

 

I think it is perfectly resonable to say no to some events. Sometimes it's too much. You do the best you can and decide what is most important.

 

As for holidays etc.. In a community of diverse religions, there is always a holiday. We have to be very careful in scheduling parties and hs gatherings; we can't do very much on Saturdays as that is Shabbos for some friends. As John Stewart once said on the Daily Show, "Welcome to the 42nd day of Sukkot." Ha. So true, so true.

 

It is what it is. Say no to what you can, and try to make the best of what you simply can't.

Edited October 25, 2010 by LibraryLover

[PiCO]

I think I feel differently now that I am seeing that a lot of these performances are just to get the word out about the studio. They are wonderful people but I feel like there is a boundary issue==iow, respecting that all people need some personal time/space.

 

I think you should have a meeting with the people in charge of the studio, and let them know just this. Be really nice, tell them they are wonderful people and your daughter wants to continue to dance for them. but you're not sure as a parent if you will able to allow her to continue next year if the performance requirements don't let up a bit.

 

Tell them you haven't discussed this with your daughter yet, because you know she wants to continue.

 

One idea for the studio would be to continue to have all the performances to get the word out about their studio, but not have all the girls attend every performance (I'm talking about demos at malls & such.) Think of some other possible win/win solutions for them. Don't give them ultimatums, just let them know what's on your mind.

 

About the kids who don't do the performance group being considered "lazy"-- that's to put pressure on the kids to perform, and I think it's a rather underhanded tactic. But you can tell your dd if she works her butt off part-time, the teachers will still like her and work with her. They might be disappointed that she's not performing for them, but all teachers like to work with the hard working students.

[Mary in VA]

My 16 yo dd has been dancing ballet for over 11 years. I could write a book about the last 11 years and what she and we have learned about ballet, the requirements, etc. But I guess the bottom line is, what does your daughter want from her dancing? If your dd is focusing on ballet, she really doesn't need all those other classes. When she performs is there any ballet at all? If not, then there really isn't any point if her love is ballet. Does she enjoy these performances? Ballet dancers are helped by exposure to other genres, but ballet is really the foundation of the others (except tap) So as long as she is getting good ballet training she should be okay. The problem at her studio is she is not getting enough ballet to a serious ballet student. But does she want to be a serious ballet student? What are her ultimate goals and aspirations as it relates to ballet? At her level ballet should be 5 days a week, with at least 1 1/2 hour technique class and 1/2-1 hour pointe each day. If she is serious, could she cut back the other non-ballet classes at her studio and augment with ballet classes elsewhere to get enough? ETA: I suggest you check out the board "Ballet Talk for Dancers." It is a wealth of info for dancers and parents!

 

After years of dancing at an intense level 13-16 hours a week, last two years with a 1 1/2 hour round trip commute, my dd stepped back. She has decided while she wants dance in her life, she wants to pursue other interests. She is now dancing 7-8 hours a week and not performing at all this year. THis is the first time in 9 years she is not in a Nutcracker. And I TOTALLY get what you are saying as Nutcracker consumed our whole family for those holiday seasons (through Christmas). I miss it in an odd sort of way, BUT I'm really enjoying the more relaxed atmosphere at home. I wouldn't trade one moment, as she is a dancer, it is an important part of her and she has grown so much. She has learned perseverance and discipline, both mental and physical. But it has to end at some point and where is that point? To be a professional a dancer has to need to dance like they need to eat and breathe. Competition is fierce. It's a hard life. How does your dd feel about cutting back? Where does dance fit in her life? Are all the things she is giving up to dance worth it to her? Can she dance just for fun? It reached a point for my dd where she wanted to pursue art seriously and take piano lessons again. So now she has a nice balance.

 

I watched my dd struggle for a year with this. She does miss that her classes aren't the same intensity they were before. She isn't pushed like before. It's an adjustment, but she says she doesn't want to go back. Her last school was connected to a professional company and she saw daily the level a dancer had to be to succeed professionally. Reality is a good eye-opener. Competitive, nationally recognized summer intensives can also help clarify a dancer's desires and expectations.

 

About the rehearsal schedule: My dd has danced at 4 different studios over the years. Rehearsal schedules went from extreme (like yours) to very reasonable. It seems to flow from the attitude of the artistic director. If she demanded a lot, and the parents/dancers gave it, then it became the acceptable expectation. It would be VERY HARD to change this unless the parents banded together to approach the AD. And usually there are some who think the schedule is perfectly okay the way it is. Some take it as a point of pride that "their" studio works so hard. :001_huh: My dd did not dance at a competition studio. They were all (except current one) classically ballet based and performance based.

 

HTH,

Mary

Edited October 25, 2010 by Mary in VA

[LibraryLover]

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Edited October 26, 2010 by LibraryLover

[at the beach]

My 16 yo dd has been dancing ballet for over 11 years. I could write a book about the last 11 years and what she and we have learned about ballet, the requirements, etc. But I guess the bottom line is, what does your daughter want from her dancing?

 

I asked her. She said she wants to get as good at ballet as she can so that she knows whether she can do it or not.

 

If your dd is focusing on ballet, she really doesn't need all those other classes. When she performs is there any ballet at all? If not, then there really isn't any point if her love is ballet. Does she enjoy these performances?

 

No, most of the performances are jazz/tap/hip hop. And she feels fine about recitals but these other things like at the mall and in parades, she isn't crazy about.

 

Ballet dancers are helped by exposure to other genres, but ballet is really the foundation of the others (except tap) So as long as she is getting good ballet training she should be okay. The problem at her studio is she is not getting enough ballet to a serious ballet student. But does she want to be a serious ballet student? What are her ultimate goals and aspirations as it relates to ballet? At her level ballet should be 5 days a week, with at least 1 1/2 hour technique class and 1/2-1 hour pointe each day. If she is serious, could she cut back the other non-ballet classes at her studio and augment with ballet classes elsewhere to get enough? ETA: I suggest you check out the board "Ballet Talk for Dancers." It is a wealth of info for dancers and parents!

 

She would love to get serious about ballet. She doesn't have perfect feet, though. They are long and narrow, just like her. So, I wonder how realistic her desire it. I am worried about her putting all her hopes on ballet. Yes, Ballet Talk is a great resource. I haven't visited the site in ages, though. My other option with her is to take her to a ballet school that is rather far for me. The other local studios are more laid back, which she dreads the idea of.

 

 

But it has to end at some point and where is that point? To be a professional a dancer has to need to dance like they need to eat and breathe. Competition is fierce. It's a hard life. How does your dd feel about cutting back? Where does dance fit in her life?

She claims she loves it. She does think about it all the time. I think that recently this schedule was wearying because it really is stuff that isn't her favorite (hip hop, for example). She's a highly driven child anyway and will push herself beyond what I think is reasonable.

 

 

Her last school was connected to a professional company and she saw daily the level a dancer had to be to succeed professionally. Reality is a good eye-opener. Competitive, nationally recognized summer intensives can also help clarify a dancer's desires and expectations.

I'm pretty sure she'll convince me to let her try the summer intensive. The current studio was an eye-opener already from the previous. That's why she's so worried about going anywhere other than a ballet school after this.

 

 

About the rehearsal schedule: My dd has danced at 4 different studios over the years. Rehearsal schedules went from extreme (like yours) to very reasonable. It seems to flow from the attitude of the artistic director. If she demanded a lot, and the parents/dancers gave it, then it became the acceptable expectation. It would be VERY HARD to change this unless the parents banded together to approach the AD. And usually there are some who think the schedule is perfectly okay the way it is. Some take it as a point of pride that "their" studio works so hard. :001_huh: My dd did not dance at a competition studio. They were all (except current one) classically ballet based and performance based.

 

Yes, exactly. This studio takes it as a point of pride how hard they work. I like the studio but I feel like there is a lack of balance and respect for the need to have SOME time off sometimes. Thank you for your help and advice!

[at the beach]

Our ballet school is non-profit and run by a board of directors. We also do not participate in competitons. This does limit certain activitiy quite a bit, I think. The childen are not asked to attend all performances in town (mostly for charities; schools, hospitals etc). There are rotations for the younger children, and only the older students with coveted parts attend all of these events. Even then, there are back- up plans, and no student is called lazy if they have to take SAT, or go to their violin recital.

 

When you say 'work them hard' I wonder exactly what you mean. How long has your dd been on pointe? I asked about what to look for in a good school not long ago, and there was some excellent advice given to me, which I have taken to heart. Has your dd had a recent physical? What about basline xrays. My dd is in pre pointe, and that is mostly about developing core strength and proper form. They do not dance pointe in shows.

 

Work them heard just means that she is doing five hours of hard physical dance practicing routines, etc. That is a lot of exercise IMO. It's a huge workout. I just mean it is intense. She just started pointe this fall. Yes, she's had a physical recently but no x-rays.

[DianeW88]

My dd (almost 18) is an apprentice with our city's ballet company. She will move into the "2nd company" when she turns 18.

 

My question is: Does your dd want to be a professional dancer?

 

If the answer is "yes", then suck it up. The schedule you just described is really not that bad for someone training to be in the profession. Dancers start young and have short careers. The level of intensity needed to accomplish the goal of being paid for what she's doing 5 or 6 years from today is tremendous. If your dd wants to pursue a serious dance career, then she should be increasing her training hours, not cutting them back. My dd has gone to a summer program every year since she was 11 years old. Starting at 14, she went to two different programs each summer. The rest of the year, her ballet schedule was from 12:30 PM - 6:30 PM Monday - Friday, with company rehearsals all day on Saturday. She was enrolled in an amazing full-time ballet conservatory and she loved it!

 

The bruised toenail is MINOR compared to what you will see from lots of pointe work. Bunions, losing toenails, tendonitis...it's all part of the package. Get to know a good PT and massage therapist. My dd has a weekly massage and visits her PT every two weeks.

 

If she only is dancing for fun, friendship and exercise, then I would re-evaluate her schedule if you find it too intrusive.

 

Oh, btw, with Nutcracker performances.....we hardly see my dd until January. Yes, they perform both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. :glare:

 

Edited to say: I just saw some of the other responses, and if your dd wants to be a professional classical ballerina, then that is what she should be doing....ballet. These competition studios are generally not good enough to train someone for that kind of dance. In addition, their ballet is generally not up to the standards you would need for a professional career. If you have a studio available that is exclusively ballet, I would take her there. Get used to commuting. We drove my dd from our home to a studio in Salt Lake City.....50 minutes away, 6 days a week, for the kind of training she needed for her ballet career. It paid off. She is a working professional as well as the recipient of a full-ride scholarship for dance at one of our universities. :D

Edited October 25, 2010 by DianeW88

[at the beach]

My dd (almost 18) is an apprentice with our city's ballet company. She will move into the "2nd company" when she turns 18.

 

My question is: Does your dd want to be a professional dancer?

Unfortunately, I think the answer is yes. :banghead: LOL. Though it's really not funny to me because yes, I will do what you suggest, suck it up. Sigh. But I worry about it, too. And I know the bruised toenail isn't that concerning. It just broke my heart to see that. She's definitely not dancing just for fun and exercise.

 

 

Oh, btw, with Nutcracker performances.....we hardly see my dd until January. Yes, they perform both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. :glare:

That makes me feel better to know we're not the only ones.

 

 

Edited to say: I just saw some of the other responses, and if your dd wants to be a professional classical ballerina, then that is what she should be doing....ballet. These competition studios are generally not good enough to train someone for that kind of dance. In addition, their ballet is generally not up to the standards you would need for a professional career. If you have a studio available that is exclusively ballet, I would take her there. Get used to commuting. We drove my dd from our home to a studio in Salt Lake City.....50 minutes away, 6 days a week, for the kind of training she needed for her ballet career.

Oh, dear, that's what I am afraid of. Commuting. Sigh. Oy.

 

It paid off. She is a working professional as well as the recipient of a full-ride scholarship for dance at one of our universities. :D

Congratulations to your daughter. You must be really proud. Thank you for all your advice. Much appreciated.

[at the beach]

Okay, I'm going to hijack my own thread. :tongue_smilie: All you lovely ladies with dance kids, how do you balance academics with heavy dance schedules? What do you let go of? What should I be looking at for a reasonable academic schedule that will not close off any doors for her? Right now, she does two foreign languages, Latin and German. I hate the thought of her giving either up, for example. She's doing math and science at home with me. I pulled her from online math/science this fall after a month because it was just too much time online and it wasn't efficient for us. She gets more done at home on her own with me IMO. Humanities she still takes online and she likes it but it is a time sucker with two weekly online meetings. The online classes suck time but there's no way I could teach Latin, for example. Humanities, yes. Do you think when a kid is this focused on dance, it is better to lighten up academically, focusing more heavily on areas of interest (with her science, for example) and letting other things go lighter with easier curriculums, for example? Just wanting some perspective from others on how you handled this. For example, she wishes she was just studying German and misses when we did Sonlight (it was fairly light and easy for her and she loves reading and she still learned quite a bit IMO). Thanks for any thoughts.

[jujsky]

You said she dances 15 hours/week, but her passion is ballet. Which classes are mandatory for her competitive level? Are the 15 hours you mentioned all class hours or are you including competitions/exhibitions in that figure? If any of the classes she's taking are electives then you can have her drop some of those to free up some time.

 

Dancing is a huge commitment. If it's what she really wants to do, I'd support her. Sometimes the rehearsals and competitions can get to be a bit much. If the requirements for dancing competitively at this studio are too much for your family then you may want to consider another studio.

[Rebecca VA]

Violet, thank you for posting your rant. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, but I'm grateful you posted because now I know that I'm not alone. My 13-year-old is doing about 14 or so hours of ballet, pointe, and Pilates a week. Very often I have to run her up to the studio twice in a day.

 

She loves ballet. She isn't the best student in the class, but she's doing well and is a hard worker. The trouble is, she has a number of other interests and activities, and she wants to do them ALL. There's Youth Choir, Junior Cotillion, piano lessons, Bright Lights, a couple of complicated knitting projects (Christmas is coming), a novel-in-progress, a "teen magazine" that she's writing, and neighborhood girls to play with. I want us to take a two-week trip to South Africa this spring. She has surgery coming up. And then there's school. Her courses this year aren't too many or too hard, but they're time-consuming, and she doesn't want to put in the time required to do well at them.

 

She's my only student (her brother's already in college), but trying to transport her, feed her, help her with school, and do the worrying about everything that needs to get done is turning me into a wreck. I used to think it would be wonderful if she would get into her ballet school's company, but now I secretly wish something would happen to prevent that. She's a good dancer, but she has almost no chance of becoming a professional. She needs to get serious about school and prepare for college. She needs to work on friendships. There are many areas of her life that need her attention, but ballet is taking up her time and energy.

 

I don't have any advice for you, but I do have lots of empathy!

 

Wanted to add: This is the last "easy" year before she does join her school's company. Then her life will revolve around rehearsals and a much more intense training schedule.

[DianeW88]

Well, I think my dd's situation might have been a bit different. She did most of her academic work in the morning and left for the studio around 11:30 every day. She usually ate lunch in the car. She got to the studio around noon and hung out with her friends in their lounge until class started at 12:30. They had regular ballet class until 2 PM and then had a half hour break. The girls could either do their school work (laptops were provided as well as a lounge to study), see the PT, or stretch in the Pilates room with the equipment. Their next classes started at 2:30. It consisted of variations, pointe and partnering. At 5 PM, they had another short break with a snack and then did either Pilates, contemporary or had a guest teacher, depending on the day of the week.

 

They also had a guest lecturer once a week to talk about nutrition, injuries, career counseling, etc.

 

It was an incredible school, focused exclusively on classical ballet with the goal of a dance career.

[bettyandbob]

Her schedule does not sound more intense than other kids I've known who were serious about dance or other sports for that matter.

 

I see a problem with her main interest being ballet and having her time spent on so many other things. I don't think it's bad for a child of 13 to spend so much time on an activity, as long as she's the one deciding she needs to do it and she's getting her school work done. But if she's spending so much time I would really push for it to be in her area of interest--ballet.

 

I would contact the studio an hour away. I would arrange an evaluation and an appointment with the director to go over whether they can arrange a schedule that would work for you. The studio my dd was with had the most serious girls her age attending class 5 days a week. Could a schedule be arranged so that your dd was there only 3 days--maybe 2 weekdays and a saturday. Could she take some back to back classes on the weekdays. Since classes may not match up back to back on Sat, could she stay and help with birthday parties or little girl groups in between classes on Saturday. Since this school is the closest, might there be someone else near you or somewhat on route that you do not know about who can do a carpool with you. I would explore all the possibilities.

[Pippen]

My 13 yo dances at a performance/competition studio. She loves ballet and can only take a limited amount of ballet here (about 6 hours) but she feels the instruction is light years above what she had at the previous studio. She takes other classes (tap, jazz, modern, musical theatre skills, hip-hop) and she dances about 15 hours a week usually. It is never less. She is on performance team. There is always something like a parade, mall show, competition, master classes, etc. none of which typically involve ballet. Now, the Christmas show is approaching and this involves more practices, which are mainly on Sundays. She is already there Saturdays and most evenings. The Christmas show is on Thanksgiving weekend. Dress rehearsal is on Friday and the shows are Sat. and Sun. She is in all four shows. Thanksgiving weekend? :banghead: I feel like, is nothing sacred anymore? Our entire weekend will be consumed by this show. Sigh. Am I being a bad momma thinking this way? My husband is none too happy, either. I'm actually not even sure 13 yo is thrilled about it. Big sis will be home from college and this is one time they get to spend a lot of time together and now they won't.

 

I realize pro dancers must dance at all times, etc. But my daughter is 13. She is not a pro and I feel like her entire life is being consumed by this and I am wondering if it is unhealthy for her and for our family. Plus, so much of it focuses on dance that is not really her area of interest. The closest ballet school is nearly an hour a way. She would like to do the summer intensive there, and I feel okay about that but I am not sure I could drive that distance during the school year and in the winter, especially.

 

My husband feels that she is too young right now to be worked this hard physically. Her toenail looked very bad last week after pointe and we were none too happy. The studio she's in does work them hard. She is tired. She is not as interested in academics as she used to be. She is complaining about Latin now even though she got a perfect paper last year on the NLE. She's still maintaining a high grade in her class this year but it takes work and I think she is just feeling weary.

 

So, dance moms, please tell me if this is par for the course and if you would be fine with the dance studio controlling every spare moment, invading holiday weekends and Sundays? Also, it is not just the time factor. There is more than that bugging me here. Maybe the sustained intensity of it? :confused: The thought of doing this until she's out of high school makes me feel very down. :sad:

 

Advice? Suggestions? Anything?

 

Our studio hasn't ever scheduled performances on holiday weekends.

 

It sounds like it's time to look at the number of classes she's taking. You do have control of that and if she's tired and no longer interested in things she used to be then it's time to step back and reevaluate.

 

My daughter is 12 and dances for 6 hours a week, twice for ballet and a contemporary dance theatre class. In summers she's free to add other classes but during the school year she has other activities so this is what we feel as a family she and we can handle. She needs to be home some nights. She needs some downtime in her schedule.

 

You do have choices. Sometimes I think activities snowball and we don't feel like it but we do.

[hillfarm]

Just wanted to add that you make sure your dd is not blinded by the stage lights and has a very realistic idea of what being a ballet professional means. I danced for a while and later became a physical therapist and massage therapist with many professional dance clients. I really liked dance and totally enjoyed the success I experienced, but I loved science and helping people more.

 

It is a very hard life, both physically and mentally. The pay is low. The competition is fierce. The danger of career-ending (and life impacting) injury is high. Morals and ethics were generally given lesser attention than performance ability. And it is all too easy to end up a washed-up, used-up late twentysomething facing a life time of foot and leg pain, not to mention the metabolic issues that can come from delayed onset of puberty and menses. The way is very narrow and the pitfalls are many and treacherous.

 

Because I have a natural bent for languages, I often volunteered time backstage for the professional traveling companies during the major performances. I have worked on so many young people who cried like babies in response to the pain, the lonliness of being away from home, and the sheer fatigue of a heavy performance and travel schedule. These were internationally acclaimed professionals that the world perceived to be at the very top of their game. Is this really what your dc are bargaining for?

 

I realize that for some, dance is more important than anything else in their lives and they must make some very tough choices. For so many others, I would recommend a much more fun, sane, practical course based on the realization that they do want more from life than a dance career would readily allow. Ask your dd how she would feel if she became injured at 16. Would she regret all that she had passed up and sacrificed? If so, then I recommend you drop back to a lesser level. If she is sure it would all be worth it, even if it all came to an end in a few years, then perhaps she does have the drive to continue.

 

Such a tough call to make. To ask girls to make choices that will affect the rest of their lives while they are still so young and know so little of life. To put families in the position of deciding to sacrifice so much for the good of one. In the end, I think the wisest thing to do is to talk with retired professionals. Ask them what their lives have been like and what they would have changed.

[Ellie]

Dance mom, whose dd grew up to be a ballet teacher. :-)

 

My vote would be to drop the other dance classes and focus on ballet, even if that means driving almost an hour away. My dd did Highland dance for 9 years, and the last year I drove her to a class 45 miles away, and I would have gone to a teacher even further if I'd had a trustworthy car. A friend used to drive *4 hours away* once a week because she preferred that Highland dance teacher to the one who was local. That was a little crazy, lol, but still...

 

Older dd was in a youth band for a year (she was in the color guard), and the practice time for that was almost as much as your dd's dance time. There was a parade every holiday weekend, plus a band camp the last weekend of each month beginning in January. When school was out each section added a practice a week, and then there were two band tours. IOW, band sucked up almost every minute of every day, all year round. Most of the members were in that band until they aged out (14yo to 18yo). It was their whole life, and their families' whole life. Some people just do that.

 

Mr. Ellie and I were willing to put in the time for Highland dance and ballet (classes, competitions, shows, all that stuff), but even we would have had trouble dealing with your schedule. Driving long distances to class, ok; sucking up holiday weekends like yours, not ok. And if it's not ok with you, then you should get out.

[Mary in VA]

I posted earlier about my 16 yo dd's ballet path previously. I thought I'd give you a little more info that might help you with decisions because we were in a similar position a few years ago.

 

A little over two years ago my dd was 13 and dancing at a local ballet school. She was a little unhappy with the enviornment - personalities (dancers and teachers) and the amount of correction (not enough or specific) and manner in which it was was given. She decided to audition for the school associated with a professional company. We talked about the fact that if she decided a few years down the road she wanted to pursue ballet as a career she would have missed the level of training she needed. That if she thought she might want to pursue it she needed to get better training. So she auditioned and got in. The drive was 40 minutes one way, during rush hour. But we did have a car pool with two other dancers. So I only had to drive 2 or 3 times a week. I would stay at the school while they danced.

 

By one week into it she LOVED it. She said the other girls were serious about their dancing, there was no messing around and NO DRAMA! They were all there because they wanted to dance. She LOVED, LOVED, LOVED her teacher. The same core of girls moved up to the next level and so did her main teacher. For two years she was able to dance throughout the month of December in the professional company's Nutcracker. She went to summer intensives away from home for two summers. One for 2 weeks and this summer for 5 weeks. She loved them too. But over this last year she evaluated what the life of a professional was like and the other things she wanted to pursue. She also realized that of all the amazing dancers at the highest level at the school, from all over the world, that chances are only a few would be able to dance professionally because competition is SO INTENSE. And she decided to step back. It was difficult to watch her wrestle with the decision. But I am SO PROUD of her! And the best part is she has absolutely no regrets!

 

So if your daughter is passionate about ballet and your family can do it, maybe she should at least try the school you mentioned. Maybe you could find a car pool. Of if not, maybe she would go to some summer intensives. Then she and you can make the decision with more information. Even just auditioning for summer intensives helps the dancer have more information about where she fits in. But at the very least I would recommend dropping the non-ballet classes because they are sucking up time and money for something she isn't really interested in.

 

Just some ideas.

HTH,

Mary

Edited October 25, 2010 by Mary in VA

[at the beach]

Violet, thank you for posting your rant. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, but I'm grateful you posted because now I know that I'm not alone. My 13-year-old is doing about 14 or so hours of ballet, pointe, and Pilates a week. Very often I have to run her up to the studio twice in a day.

 

She loves ballet. She isn't the best student in the class, but she's doing well and is a hard worker. The trouble is, she has a number of other interests and activities, and she wants to do them ALL. There's Youth Choir, Junior Cotillion, piano lessons, Bright Lights, a couple of complicated knitting projects (Christmas is coming), a novel-in-progress, a "teen magazine" that she's writing, and neighborhood girls to play with. I want us to take a two-week trip to South Africa this spring. She has surgery coming up. And then there's school. Her courses this year aren't too many or too hard, but they're time-consuming, and she doesn't want to put in the time required to do well at them.

 

She's my only student (her brother's already in college), but trying to transport her, feed her, help her with school, and do the worrying about everything that needs to get done is turning me into a wreck. I used to think it would be wonderful if she would get into her ballet school's company, but now I secretly wish something would happen to prevent that. She's a good dancer, but she has almost no chance of becoming a professional. She needs to get serious about school and prepare for college. She needs to work on friendships. There are many areas of her life that need her attention, but ballet is taking up her time and energy.

 

I don't have any advice for you, but I do have lots of empathy!

 

Wanted to add: This is the last "easy" year before she does join her school's company. Then her life will revolve around rehearsals and a much more intense training schedule.

:grouphug: I know what you feel like, that's for sure. Thanks for sharing. It is good to know I am not alone.

[at the beach]

Just wanted to add that you make sure your dd is not blinded by the stage lights and has a very realistic idea of what being a ballet professional means. I danced for a while and later became a physical therapist and massage therapist with many professional dance clients. I really liked dance and totally enjoyed the success I experienced, but I loved science and helping people more.

 

It is a very hard life, both physically and mentally. The pay is low. The competition is fierce. The danger of career-ending (and life impacting) injury is high. Morals and ethics were generally given lesser attention than performance ability. And it is all too easy to end up a washed-up, used-up late twentysomething facing a life time of foot and leg pain, not to mention the metabolic issues that can come from delayed onset of puberty and menses. The way is very narrow and the pitfalls are many and treacherous.

 

Because I have a natural bent for languages, I often volunteered time backstage for the professional traveling companies during the major performances. I have worked on so many young people who cried like babies in response to the pain, the lonliness of being away from home, and the sheer fatigue of a heavy performance and travel schedule. These were internationally acclaimed professionals that the world perceived to be at the very top of their game. Is this really what your dc are bargaining for?

 

I realize that for some, dance is more important than anything else in their lives and they must make some very tough choices. For so many others, I would recommend a much more fun, sane, practical course based on the realization that they do want more from life than a dance career would readily allow. Ask your dd how she would feel if she became injured at 16. Would she regret all that she had passed up and sacrificed? If so, then I recommend you drop back to a lesser level. If she is sure it would all be worth it, even if it all came to an end in a few years, then perhaps she does have the drive to continue.

 

Such a tough call to make. To ask girls to make choices that will affect the rest of their lives while they are still so young and know so little of life. To put families in the position of deciding to sacrifice so much for the good of one. In the end, I think the wisest thing to do is to talk with retired professionals. Ask them what their lives have been like and what they would have changed.

 

I had my daughter read this before she left for dance. Her only response is that she wants to dance. :svengo: When I asked her about ending up a used up twenty-something, she just tilted that little chin up in the air in defiance. She is hard-headed. This dance thing breaks my heart, though. She is so young and so precious. The last thing I want is for her to feel like a washed up used up twenty-something. She is also interested in medicine. In helping very sick people. We have lost people close to us to cancer, and it has had a major impact on her. So, we'll see. It is a tough, tough call to make. But I agree with the posters who suggest I take her to the ballet professional and have her evaluated. Thank you for your post. I appreciate it.

[at the beach]

Her schedule does not sound more intense than other kids I've known who were serious about dance or other sports for that matter.

 

I see a problem with her main interest being ballet and having her time spent on so many other things. I don't think it's bad for a child of 13 to spend so much time on an activity, as long as she's the one deciding she needs to do it and she's getting her school work done. But if she's spending so much time I would really push for it to be in her area of interest--ballet.

 

I would contact the studio an hour away. I would arrange an evaluation and an appointment with the director to go over whether they can arrange a schedule that would work for you. The studio my dd was with had the most serious girls her age attending class 5 days a week. Could a schedule be arranged so that your dd was there only 3 days--maybe 2 weekdays and a saturday. Could she take some back to back classes on the weekdays. Since classes may not match up back to back on Sat, could she stay and help with birthday parties or little girl groups in between classes on Saturday. Since this school is the closest, might there be someone else near you or somewhat on route that you do not know about who can do a carpool with you. I would explore all the possibilities.

 

Excellent suggestions. Thank you. I agree that if she's going to spend so much time on something, it should be in her area of interest.

[at the beach]

I posted earlier about my 16 yo dd's ballet path previously. I thought I'd give you a little more info that might help you with decisions because we were in a similar position a few years ago.

 

A little over two years ago my dd was 13 and dancing at a local ballet school. She was a little unhappy with the enviornment - personalities (dancers and teachers) and the amount of correction (not enough or specific) and manner in which it was was given. She decided to audition for the school associated with a professional company. We talked about the fact that if she decided a few years down the road she wanted to pursue ballet as a career she would have missed the level of training she needed. That if she thought she might want to pursue it she needed to get better training. So she auditioned and got in. The drive was 40 minutes one way, during rush hour. But we did have a car pool with two other dancers. So I only had to drive 2 or 3 times a week. I would stay at the school while they danced.

 

By one week into it she LOVED it. She said the other girls were serious about their dancing, there was no messing around and NO DRAMA! They were all there because they wanted to dance. She LOVED, LOVED, LOVED her teacher. The same core of girls moved up to the next level and so did her main teacher. For two years she was able to dance throughout the month of December in the professional company's Nutcracker. She went to summer intensives away from home for two summers. One for 2 weeks and this summer for 5 weeks. She loved them too. But over this last year she evaluated what the life of a professional was like and the other things she wanted to pursue. She also realized that of all the amazing dancers at the highest level at the school, from all over the world, that chances are only a few would be able to dance professionally because competition is SO INTENSE. And she decided to step back. It was difficult to watch her wrestle with the decision. But I am SO PROUD of her! And the best part is she has absolutely no regrets!

 

So if your daughter is passionate about ballet and your family can do it, maybe she should at least try the school you mentioned. Maybe you could find a car pool. Of if not, maybe she would go to some summer intensives. Then she and you can make the decision with more information. Even just auditioning for summer intensives helps the dancer have more information about where she fits in. But at the very least I would recommend dropping the non-ballet classes because they are sucking up time and money for something she isn't really interested in.

 

Just some ideas.

HTH,

Mary

 

Thanks, again, Mary. You know, that is something she complains about, the lack of seriousness in many of the students. I do think she would feel happier doing more ballet and focusing on that, so I am going to see what I can do. I dread the drive, ladies. I really do. But maybe it would not be so bad. I have called about the summer intensive. So, we'll see what happens with that.

 

Thank you to those of you who shared how far you drove. I appreciate hearing that others did take on drives and it was not such a horrible thing.

[unsinkable]

Thanks, again, Mary. You know, that is something she complains about, the lack of seriousness in many of the students. I do think she would feel happier doing more ballet and focusing on that, so I am going to see what I can do. I dread the drive, ladies. I really do. But maybe it would not be so bad. I have called about the summer intensive. So, we'll see what happens with that.

 

Thank you to those of you who shared how far you drove. I appreciate hearing that others did take on drives and it was not such a horrible thing.

 

Have you thought about carpooling?

[at the beach]

Have you thought about carpooling?

 

I will have to look into that.

 

I'm so grateful for all these replies. Thank you! :grouphug:

[Mary in VA]

Thanks, again, Mary. You know, that is something she complains about, the lack of seriousness in many of the students. I do think she would feel happier doing more ballet and focusing on that, so I am going to see what I can do. I dread the drive, ladies. I really do. But maybe it would not be so bad. I have called about the summer intensive. So, we'll see what happens with that.

 

Thank you to those of you who shared how far you drove. I appreciate hearing that others did take on drives and it was not such a horrible thing.

 

Of course I didn't drive every day, but I began to enjoy my time waiting in an odd sort of way :tongue_smilie: I was able to get the days my husband had church activities that kept him busy. My older dd is in college. I would bring the newspaper, magazines, books, my Bible study, hand work (cross stitch, quilting and knitting) and my ipod. I kept it all in a basket so I could do whatever I was in the mood for when I got there. At Christmas time I could work on my Christmas cards. It was kind of an enforced "me" time. The school had a nice place to wait. I got to know all the staff, some of the professional dancers, lots of parents and really knew what was going on at the school. I even got to glimpse some of the professionals rehearse and some famous guest artists. There was one day a week where it was just my dd and me and we got a lot of one-on-one time. It wasn't something I every envisioned doing, and parents of non-dancers thought we were nuts I'm sure, although they were too polite to actually say anything. :001_smile: Ballet is definitely it's own world!

 

It was an adventure, that's for sure!

 

Mary

Edited October 25, 2010 by Mary in VA

[Mejane]

At my kids' school, they get Thursday and Friday off for T'giving, but they are back Saturday and Sunday for full-day Nutcracker rehearsals. It is a residential school and there are no exceptions, which means kids who fly home for the holiday must also be back by Saturday. The two weeks between T'giving and the start of performance are intense - the kids don't get out until 11:00 most nights. We generally take the month of December off school because they are just too tired and stressed.

 

We used to drive an hour each way to this ballet school. A lot of it had to do with my daughter feeling her previous school was not serious enough. We ended up moving just to be closer. Our lives have pretty much revolved around dance for the last fifteen years, and with my son starting full-time this year at 14 we're looking at four more years of this. He loves jazz, but is doing full-time ballet to get that solid base. As others have said, ballet is the foundation for all dance.

Edited October 25, 2010 by Mejane

[Aggie]

Just wanted to add that you make sure your dd is not blinded by the stage lights and has a very realistic idea of what being a ballet professional means. I danced for a while and later became a physical therapist and massage therapist with many professional dance clients. I really liked dance and totally enjoyed the success I experienced, but I loved science and helping people more.

 

It is a very hard life, both physically and mentally. The pay is low. The competition is fierce. The danger of career-ending (and life impacting) injury is high. Morals and ethics were generally given lesser attention than performance ability. And it is all too easy to end up a washed-up, used-up late twentysomething facing a life time of foot and leg pain, not to mention the metabolic issues that can come from delayed onset of puberty and menses. The way is very narrow and the pitfalls are many and treacherous.

 

Because I have a natural bent for languages, I often volunteered time backstage for the professional traveling companies during the major performances. I have worked on so many young people who cried like babies in response to the pain, the lonliness of being away from home, and the sheer fatigue of a heavy performance and travel schedule. These were internationally acclaimed professionals that the world perceived to be at the very top of their game. Is this really what your dc are bargaining for?

 

I realize that for some, dance is more important than anything else in their lives and they must make some very tough choices. For so many others, I would recommend a much more fun, sane, practical course based on the realization that they do want more from life than a dance career would readily allow. Ask your dd how she would feel if she became injured at 16. Would she regret all that she had passed up and sacrificed? If so, then I recommend you drop back to a lesser level. If she is sure it would all be worth it, even if it all came to an end in a few years, then perhaps she does have the drive to continue.

 

Such a tough call to make. To ask girls to make choices that will affect the rest of their lives while they are still so young and know so little of life. To put families in the position of deciding to sacrifice so much for the good of one. In the end, I think the wisest thing to do is to talk with retired professionals. Ask them what their lives have been like and what they would have changed.

 

 

Our dd is a very talented and passionate dancer. She would *love* to dance professionally, but we have discouraged this path for her for the reasons you posted.

 

Also, for *our* family, we are not willing to sacrifice so much for one of our dc for what would probably be a short career. It would be the same for any sport or non-academic activity for any of our children. YMMV

[Mejane]

It is a very hard life, both physically and mentally. The pay is low. The competition is fierce. The danger of career-ending (and life impacting) injury is high. Morals and ethics were generally given lesser attention than performance ability. And it is all too easy to end up a washed-up, used-up late twentysomething facing a life time of foot and leg pain, not to mention the metabolic issues that can come from delayed onset of puberty and menses. The way is very narrow and the pitfalls are many and treacherous.

 

 

 

Amen! That both of my kids want to dance is something of a heartache for me. Thankfully, my daughter is also attending college so she will have other options.

[JenC3]

This is a very interesting thread! My dd is in her 4th year of dance and 2nd year of The Nutcracker so we are no where near having this type of schedule. Nutcracker week is intense, but thankfully, we only have two performances. I know that next year she will have 3 hours a week of dance as an 8 yr old. I looked at the school's schedule and if she is there at 14 she will be putting in 8-10 hours I think, so not too bad.

 

I don't think I could allow 15+ hours a week unless she were intending to be a professional and that a professional had encouraged her due to her abilities.

[DianeW88]

Just wanted to add that you make sure your dd is not blinded by the stage lights and has a very realistic idea of what being a ballet professional means. I danced for a while and later became a physical therapist and massage therapist with many professional dance clients. I really liked dance and totally enjoyed the success I experienced, but I loved science and helping people more.

 

It is a very hard life, both physically and mentally. The pay is low. The competition is fierce. The danger of career-ending (and life impacting) injury is high. Morals and ethics were generally given lesser attention than performance ability. And it is all too easy to end up a washed-up, used-up late twentysomething facing a life time of foot and leg pain, not to mention the metabolic issues that can come from delayed onset of puberty and menses. The way is very narrow and the pitfalls are many and treacherous.

 

Because I have a natural bent for languages, I often volunteered time backstage for the professional traveling companies during the major performances. I have worked on so many young people who cried like babies in response to the pain, the lonliness of being away from home, and the sheer fatigue of a heavy performance and travel schedule. These were internationally acclaimed professionals that the world perceived to be at the very top of their game. Is this really what your dc are bargaining for?

 

I realize that for some, dance is more important than anything else in their lives and they must make some very tough choices. For so many others, I would recommend a much more fun, sane, practical course based on the realization that they do want more from life than a dance career would readily allow. Ask your dd how she would feel if she became injured at 16. Would she regret all that she had passed up and sacrificed? If so, then I recommend you drop back to a lesser level. If she is sure it would all be worth it, even if it all came to an end in a few years, then perhaps she does have the drive to continue.

 

Such a tough call to make. To ask girls to make choices that will affect the rest of their lives while they are still so young and know so little of life. To put families in the position of deciding to sacrifice so much for the good of one. In the end, I think the wisest thing to do is to talk with retired professionals. Ask them what their lives have been like and what they would have changed.

 

:iagree: This. It is a hard life. My dd is able to enroll in college as well as dance in a company here. It isn't like that everywhere. Eventually she wants to open up her own studio. It's good for girls to start thinking beyond their dance careers, even at a young age, because it can be so short. It would also be great if your dd could have a mentor who is currently dancing professionally with a company. My dd has developed a wonderful relationship over the years with a ballerina who just recently left San Franciso ballet (although her husband is still a principal there). She taught at a summer program my dd attended and they just hit it off. Her advice has been INVALUABLE! She also still gets advice from Martine Van Hamel and Kevin McKenzie, who ran another summer program in New York that my dd has attended 3 times (Kaatsbaan, if any of you other dance moms are interested....EXCELLENT summer intensive!). The ballet world is very small and the more relationships your dd can have with professionals who can help her move forward, the better.

[at the beach]

:iagree: This. It is a hard life. My dd is able to enroll in college as well as dance in a company here. It isn't like that everywhere. Eventually she wants to open up her own studio. It's good for girls to start thinking beyond their dance careers, even at a young age, because it can be so short. It would also be great if your dd could have a mentor who is currently dancing professionally with a company. My dd has developed a wonderful relationship over the years with a ballerina who just recently left San Franciso ballet (although her husband is still a principal there). She taught at a summer program my dd attended and they just hit it off. Her advice has been INVALUABLE! She also still gets advice from Martine Van Hamel and Kevin McKenzie, who ran another summer program in New York that my dd has attended 3 times (Kaatsbaan, if any of you other dance moms are interested....EXCELLENT summer intensive!). The ballet world is very small and the more relationships your dd can have with professionals who can help her move forward, the better.

 

Interesting about the value of putting her in touch with professionals. A relative of mine knows pro dancers, including a young man with the Joffrey Ballet. I might ask her if she thinks he might be willing to chat with my daughter at some point. Kaatsbaan. We were just in the Hudson River Valley area this summer, staying with this same relative who is friends with several pro dancers. I don't think my child would be ready for that level of summer intensive yet but maybe down the road. Thanks! :001_smile:

[DianeW88]

It was SUCH an amazing program. They only take 36 girls per session, so they really get the attention of the teachers. Some of the larger ones (SAB, ABT, etc.) are just huge (more than 30 dancers per class in some cases) and they only have 2 or 3 classes per day. At Kaatsbaan, the girls danced for a full 8 hours per day...and they were broken down into even smaller classes. Also, their accomodations are GORGEOUS. Not the typical dorm room of some other programs. There were only two girls per suite and they each had a double bed, plus maid service. The food was amazing as well. It's a great program for a first time summer intensive experience. My dd adores it there!

[DarlaS]

Thanks, again, Mary. You know, that is something she complains about, the lack of seriousness in many of the students. I do think she would feel happier doing more ballet and focusing on that, so I am going to see what I can do. I dread the drive, ladies. I really do. But maybe it would not be so bad. I have called about the summer intensive. So, we'll see what happens with that.

 

Thank you to those of you who shared how far you drove. I appreciate hearing that others did take on drives and it was not such a horrible thing.

 

 

I'm not a dance mom--but I hate driving too. :grouphug:

 

I have been putting in way more miles than I ever wanted to this year. I drive 50 minutes one way to the college with ds 16, and have 3 hours to find something to do with once there. Don't tell anyone, but it's been the best part of my week so far this year. :D Sometimes I drive and sometimes he does, but it's a reasonably pleasant drive. (We do not go every day though.)

 

I am appreciating time that I am at home more (less inclined to waste it), getting more conversation in with my quiet teen (who is now a captive audience :w00t:), and am having time to read some of the books I've been meaning to read forever. I've also been taking one of the younger two with me each week so we're managing their school work okay. With dh working 7 days a week, we've been doing school at odd times & some weekends as well (especially with my other teen). It's not working out too badly so far.

 

Of course, winter's coming and the roads have yet to get nasty...

[at the beach]

I'm not a dance mom--but I hate driving too. :grouphug:

 

I have been putting in way more miles than I ever wanted to this year. I drive 50 minutes one way to the college with ds 16, and have 3 hours to find something to do with once there. Don't tell anyone, but it's been the best part of my week so far this year. :D Sometimes I drive and sometimes he does, but it's a reasonably pleasant drive. (We do not go every day though.)

 

I am appreciating time that I am at home more (less inclined to waste it), getting more conversation in with my quiet teen (who is now a captive audience :w00t:), and am having time to read some of the books I've been meaning to read forever. I've also been taking one of the younger two with me each week so we're managing their school work okay. With dh working 7 days a week, we've been doing school at odd times & some weekends as well (especially with my other teen). It's not working out too badly so far.

 

Of course, winter's coming and the roads have yet to get nasty...

 

Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad to know there are others who hate the thought of the driving. I guess we will just wait and see what happens. I do believe that her current studio has sent other girls to the pro school in the past and they add in extra ballet there. I think that might be a good way to go, to let her add in one more ballet class to start. I'll have to talk to her current instructors and go from there. Thanks again, everyone. It's really helped to hear everyone's thoughts.

[hillfarm]

Interesting about the value of putting her in touch with professionals. A relative of mine knows pro dancers, including a young man with the Joffrey Ballet. I might ask her if she thinks he might be willing to chat with my daughter at some point. :001_smile:

 

I would suggest retired professionals in addition to currently working ones. Many of the dancers I saw falling apart emotionally and physically backstage in the therapy room would perk up and put on a very happy face for each group of young dance students who visited the backstage area. I think it made it easier for the dancers to feel that others envied them and valued the art. Perhaps they also talked up their choices as much to try to convince themselves as to convince the students.

 

Professionals who are now in retirement, IMO, would be more likely to tell it like it is (was), including the more gritty side.