Kids cleaning up toys at other's house

[Mom in High Heels]

When your kid goes to play at someone's house, do you make them help clean up the toys before they leave? I ask because I always make Indy help put away the toys before we leave, but almost none of his friends are ever required to help him clean up before they leave. Kids will leave his room a complete disaster and then it takes him (with much help from me) a really long time to put it all away. I always thought it was proper to help put away toys before leaving. Am I wrong? It's gotten to the point where I hate to have kids over and he'll put certain things (with lots of pieces) in his clothes closet before they come, so the friends don't get them out.

FTR, if he has someone over and their mom didn't stay but will come back to pick them up at x time, about 20 minutes before that time I tell the kids they need to start cleaning it up before they leave. Am I wrong to do this? Is it just expected to leave the host with a disaster to clean up after they leave?

[Pretty in Pink]

Yes, I always offer for us to help clean up the mess, "Boys, before we leave let's help our friends tidy up this room/these toys/this yard." Oftentimes the other mother graciously declines my offer, then I offer again and say that it's no trouble at all and how I know that I certainly appreciate the help when we have guests, etc. Sometimes the other mother lets us help and sometimes she still insists that it's no big deal, but either way I have definitely offered.

[DarcyB]

I don't think it's wrong at all. If you were hosting a party, it would be different, but if it's just a playtime, then yes, everyone chips in to help clean up.

[Mrs Mungo]

We help clean.

[coffeegal]

FTR, if he has someone over and their mom didn't stay but will come back to pick them up at x time, about 20 minutes before that time I tell the kids they need to start cleaning it up before they leave. Am I wrong to do this? Is it just expected to leave the host with a disaster to clean up after they leave?

 

I don't think you're wrong to tell the kids to start cleaning up... I seem to remember some moms telling my friends and I to do the same when I was little. ;) FTR, I tell my children to clean up... although now I'll often ask the mom if she'd like the kids to help clean up. I've been surprised how often the hosts prefer us not to help clean up before we leave. :001_huh:

[Denise Allen]

We always help clean too. Also, when my kids have friends over my kids follow the same rule we always follow- they don't get out new toys until they put away what they have just played with. When the friends want to play a new toy my kids tell them, "We have to put this away first..." Then it is never really that messy anyway.

[Hedgehog]

If we go to someone else's for a playdate, I always tell my dc to clear up whatever toys they've been playing with so that their friend(s) don't have hours of clearing up to do when we leave.. unless the mom totally insists that we leave it.

 

I generally don't ask any young guests to help clear up nor do I expect their parents to have them do so, but again, if the parent insists, then that's fine.

 

I guess the bottom line for me is that my dc do what I say, and other kids do (or not do.. as the case may be..) what their parents say. I'm reluctant to tell other people's kids what to do and how to go on.

[Goldilocks]

I am really bad about remembering to help pick up. If I were at your house I would not be offended if you reminded my children (and me) to help clean up. If said gently and cheerfully. "Hey guys, let's clean up before you go! Everybody pick up 10 things!

 

(I often think about it as we are leaving and feel bad that we left a mess.)

[Country Mouse]

We help clean.

 

:iagree: Always.

[Soror]

It is expected here. I tell all the kids to pick up before they leave or if they happen to be snacking or eating here then it is expected before that activity or before going outside. I always insist on helping at friends house, as I tell friends I want them to understand that it is always an expectation.

[Plink]

I often ask for help - in the guise of giving my kids a warning that their friends are about to leave.

 

"A**, J**, your friends' mom just said that they are going to be leaving soon. You can finish your game, but then get everyone together to clean the playroom. Okay?"

 

Most moms catch on fast. ;)

[specialmama]

Yes. And I've had to lay down the law at our house because my dd and her friends left a horrible mess in my son's therapy room. I decided to teach a lesson: dd had to clean every item, sweep, wash the walls, etc., and I told her it would be this way every single time until she learned to ask her friends to help clean up the mess they helped to make. Hasn't been an issue since. When she was younger, I'd say things like, "honey, time to go clean up the mess. See if your friends want to help." I've never had a friend say no, but dd's friends tend to be polite, well behaved kiddos. The way I see it, it's your house, your rules. If the friends don't clean up, I would venture it's because you didn't lay down the rule. So saying something like "okay, everyone go clean up your fair share" or "go put the room back the way it was when you started" usually go over well.

[justamouse]

If my kids help make the mess, they help clean it up, period.

[Mom2J112903]

I expect not only my own child to clean up his mess but any other child that has helped make the mess clean it up before depature.

[dhudson]

I give my kids a 5 min before we leave warning and they know that means to clean up what they have been playing with. My kids aren't allowed to leave a mess at someone's house.

 

Several of their friends have the same rule and leave our house cleaner that it was when they came but several do not. Needless to say, we invite the first group over more often.:001_smile:

[jenL]

Thank you, OP, for asking this question, as I feel my situation is exactly like yours and it drives me crazy.

 

We always help pick up before we leave friends' homes unless the mom insists that we leave it. I try to get friends to help clean here before they leave, but I've had some instances where the moms just say, "Ok, we need to go" and we're left with a disaster. I've actually stopped inviting these families over and opt for playdates at parks instead.

 

I feel it's only courteous for my children to help pick up when they are helping to make a mess, just as they need to clean up at home.

[myfunnybunch]

Yes, I always offer for us to help clean up the mess, "Boys, before we leave let's help our friends tidy up this room/these toys/this yard." Oftentimes the other mother graciously declines my offer, then I offer again and say that it's no trouble at all and how I know that I certainly appreciate the help when we have guests, etc. Sometimes the other mother lets us help and sometimes she still insists that it's no big deal, but either way I have definitely offered.

 

This is exactly what we do too, especially with new friends.

 

We do have one regular play-day friend who always says no, especially since we have to rush out the door to get to karate, so we don't usually offer because we already know the answer. By the same token, if there's a HUGE mess, I don't ask, I just tell the kids to pick up before we go. And if they come to our house, I tell them not to worry about it, that we'll pick up before bedtime like always. :)

 

Cat

[Ritsumei]

Most of the families in our playgroup are really nice about cleaning up, whether it's at our place or theirs, regardless of how many families are involved. The ones that aren't as good at it I'm pretty sure just forget, so if it's really bad I'll just ask the kids to each pick up 10 things. We don't have a ton of space, so we don't tend to have a lot of toys out at any given time, which also helps. I do also take into consideration the state of the toys when the company arrived: if it was messy on arrival, I figure it's just rearranged & we just take care of it ourselves.:tongue_smilie:

[Oak Knoll Mom]

I've been surprised how often the hosts prefer us not to help clean up before we leave. :001_huh:

 

I prefer people not help clean up the kids' toys because we like to keep the toys organized by type. The boys can't stand it when they can't find the toy they're looking for because someone put it in the wrong spot.

[HeidiKC]

It is expected here. I tell all the kids to pick up before they leave or if they happen to be snacking or eating here then it is expected before that activity or before going outside. I always insist on helping at friends house, as I tell friends I want them to understand that it is always an expectation.

 

:iagree:

 

Now if the mom stays, that is a bit trickier. I wouldn't be past starting to pick up before she goes so they end up pitching in! And at least then your son can start picking up and it's not as bad.

[JeneralMom]

I usually clean toys up after they leave because I am a control freak and like things organized my way. However, I appreciate when parents/kids keep food/wrappers/plates etc cleaned up. After one party, I found tons of half eaten candy (which we did not have so I know they brought it in with them) and b-day cake ground into the carpet under my DD3s bed. It left permanent red stains on the carpet.

 

I do get annoyed with a certain friend who puts away almost all of the toys before we come over (because they are 'special') and then hovers while my kids play with the few things left out, but then refuses our help when we try to clean up. The part that is irritating is that when he comes here, his kids run wild, break things, mix all kinds of pieces up and he has even gone into the closet to take things out, but then he never offers to clean up.

 

When we visit somewhere we always clean up, and if the hostess refuses, I still ask if there is anything I can do to make it easier to eventually put away. For example "I understand that you have a certain system, but can we at least gather everything into one big pile for you to organize later?" Most friends say yes to this.

[Sahamamama]

I'm not actually surprised that many parents don't consider it rude to simply leave the mess in your son's room (assuming they know it's there), but it is pathetic. These parents should be training their children to be considerate guests, and to clean up after a play time, yes, even at another person's house. Any child who comes over and is capable of taking a toy OUT is also capable of putting a toy BACK, to the extent that he can remember where it goes. But to just play and LEAVE? No way, Jose.

 

I don't think you are wrong at all to put some toys away completely, nor to encourage your young guests to participate in every aspect of the play time -- which includes CLEAN UP. That is just a part of life, and if the child's parents are not teaching him, well, at least he's learning that it's a part of life AT YOUR HOUSE. It is your house.

 

FWIW, there are times when we have guests over -- as "guests," not necessarily playmates -- and we do clean up for hours before they arrive and for hours afterward, right? We do the dishes for that fancy dinner AFTER they leave, but that's not the same as a child's play date, IMO.

 

When I take my three girls over to visit my parents we NEVER leave until we've cleaned up after ourselves. We'd do the same at another person's house. It's just common courtesy. Even though my mom says, "It's okay, really," we still pick up all those itty-bitty toys all over the floor... you know the ones. :tongue_smilie:Why would we expect my nearly 80 year old parents to bend over a hundred times to clean up after three children? That's why God made children so bendable and close to the floor -- so they can pick stuff up off of it! :D

[Kates]

I expect not only my own child to clean up his mess but any other child that has helped make the mess clean it up before depature.

 

:iagree:

 

Yep, I'm the mean mom. Unless there's a pressing engagement and a parent needs a child to leave NOW, they help clean up. I've had a few kids look at me with huge eyes, with "but my mom doesn't make me clean up!" To which I answer, "Well, that's up to your mom, but I'm pretty sure you're a better friend than that. Now go help." ;)

[silliness7]

When your kid goes to play at someone's house, do you make them help clean up the toys before they leave? I ask because I always make Indy help put away the toys before we leave, but almost none of his friends are ever required to help him clean up before they leave. Kids will leave his room a complete disaster and then it takes him (with much help from me) a really long time to put it all away. I always thought it was proper to help put away toys before leaving. Am I wrong? It's gotten to the point where I hate to have kids over and he'll put certain things (with lots of pieces) in his clothes closet before they come, so the friends don't get them out.

FTR, if he has someone over and their mom didn't stay but will come back to pick them up at x time, about 20 minutes before that time I tell the kids they need to start cleaning it up before they leave. Am I wrong to do this? Is it just expected to leave the host with a disaster to clean up after they leave?

 

Is it wrong to ask your child and his friend to clean up together 20 min. before the play date ends? Absolutely not. Of course, if friend refuses I wouldn't do anything about it except try to limit their visits.

 

If mom is there, the dynamic changes, at least for me. I would not ask. period. Do I expect it? I don't think so.

I don't expect dinner guests to help with the dishes and most of the time I turn them down if they offer (except my family :001_smile:) I'm the same way with playdates. If you offer, I'll refuse.

 

Now I do try to strategize before a playdate to help minimize the mess. I put things away that I do not want to be gotten out. I remind my children NOT to get stuff out of xyz place. Remind my children to put away their game before getting out another, etc. I don't mind asking my child to put something away in front of his guest. If the legos are all over the floor and I see my child playing Monopoly with his friend I'll tell my child to pause the game and put the legos away. I've never seen a friend just sit there and not help. After all, the faster the legos get put away the sooner the Monopoly game can start back up.

 

I usually help and remind my children to help clean up when we are out. Some moms prefer no help because they are very particular about where things go and don't want guests to put things in the wrong spot. Generally though there is SOMETHING we can do, even if we're not familiar with the whole toy layout. If I have to leave because we talked too long and now I'm running late for something else or if I've got a full-blown melt down I will just leave and apologize. That doesn't happen often but it does happen.

[MarinesWife]

I am really bad about remembering to help pick up. If I were at your house I would not be offended if you reminded my children (and me) to help clean up. If said gently and cheerfully. "Hey guys, let's clean up before you go! Everybody pick up 10 things!

 

(I often think about it as we are leaving and feel bad that we left a mess.)

 

Ditto!! I don't think about it until I MUST leave .. when others are at my house I have started trying to remember at least 10 minutes before folks are leaving to have everyone start cleaning up. I did remember at someone else's house last night! It was a proud moment. LOL I'd just remind or ask before they leave.

[Parrothead]

I tell kids to clean up about 15 minutes before they are scheduled to leave. I have in the past used clean up time as a way to move people along. As conversation with the other parent is dwindling I've said, "Sorry you guys can't stay longer. DarlingDaughter, it is time for you and your new friend to clean up before she leaves with her mom." And generally within 15 minutes friend and mom are walking out the door.

 

Now if dd is at a friend's house I'll call the mom and let her know I'm on the way and ask her to tell dd to help clean up. She has the option at that point to either have dd help or not.

[Mom0012]

It depends. We have a number of friends that we reciprocate playtimes with. One time the friend will be at our house and the next time, my child will go to the friend's house. From the start, when when the mom would come to pick up her child from my house, I would tell her not to worry about clean up if she offered. So, basically, it has turned into a situation where we each just worry about cleanup at our own houses. That way, the mom picking up doesn't wind up waiting 20 minutes while the kids clean up.

 

Also, my kids are getting old enough that there is usually very little to clean up. Sometimes there will be a big Barbie mess in my daughter's room, but it only takes a few minutes to put away.

 

When my kids were younger and I was staying at the playdates, we always helped to clean up.

 

Lisa

[Sun]

If being stuck with the mess bothers you, then by all means keep telling the kids it's time to clean up. I do this, and if it's a long playdate, I'll sometimes do it two or three times during the afternoon, so they don't get stuck with too much to do all at once at the end.

[sleepymommy]

I always expect the kids and I to clean up after a playdate. It's the courteous and decent thing to do and I want my kids to definitely learn that. I truly hope that when they start to have 'big kid' playdates (without Mom) that they will remember this courteous and decent thing to do.

 

I think that asking the kids to clean up before the guest's mom comes to get him/her is a great idea!

[mytwomonkeys]

FTR, if he has someone over and their mom didn't stay but will come back to pick them up at x time, about 20 minutes before that time I tell the kids they need to start cleaning it up before they leave. Am I wrong to do this? Is it just expected to leave the host with a disaster to clean up after they leave?

 

no, i do this all of the time. it totally irritates me if the kids don't pick up. my daughter is 9 & there's no reason they should tear the room apart & expect me to clean it up. no thanks. she knows if her friends come over, they're responsible for cleaning up. if they don't, then my daughter does it alone. i do give them a reminder though about 30 minutes beforehand. my daughter makes sure it gets done, since her friend is the only help she'll get. sounds mean typing it, but honest, i'm a really laid back mom. i just don't want to clean up after kids all of the time.

[Parrothead]

Oh, I have also been known to invite the mom (or dad) in and offer a drink just after I hollar up the stairs, "Hey, DarlingDaughter, your friend's mom is here. You guys clean up."

[Melissa in Australia]

When your kid goes to play at someone's house, do you make them help clean up the toys before they leave? I ask because I always make Indy help put away the toys before we leave, but almost none of his friends are ever required to help him clean up before they leave. Kids will leave his room a complete disaster and then it takes him (with much help from me) a really long time to put it all away. I always thought it was proper to help put away toys before leaving. Am I wrong? It's gotten to the point where I hate to have kids over and he'll put certain things (with lots of pieces) in his clothes closet before they come, so the friends don't get them out.

FTR, if he has someone over and their mom didn't stay but will come back to pick them up at x time, about 20 minutes before that time I tell the kids they need to start cleaning it up before they leave. Am I wrong to do this? Is it just expected to leave the host with a disaster to clean up after they leave?

I always make my children tidy up. It is just good manners.

[mytwomonkeys]

Oh, I have also been known to invite the mom (or dad) in and offer a drink just after I hollar up the stairs, "Hey, DarlingDaughter, your friend's mom is here. You guys clean up."

 

 

me too. i wouldn't think a thing about it. likewise, we clean up at others homes always.

[RoughCollie]

No child leaves my house until everything is cleaned up. I know when the visitor has to leave, and I schedule cleanup time accordingly. Teens can make big messes, too.

 

My kids help clean up when they are at someone else's house, too.

[Laurie4b]

When your kid goes to play at someone's house, do you make them help clean up the toys before they leave? I ask because I always make Indy help put away the toys before we leave, but almost none of his friends are ever required to help him clean up before they leave. Kids will leave his room a complete disaster and then it takes him (with much help from me) a really long time to put it all away. I always thought it was proper to help put away toys before leaving. Am I wrong? It's gotten to the point where I hate to have kids over and he'll put certain things (with lots of pieces) in his clothes closet before they come, so the friends don't get them out.

FTR, if he has someone over and their mom didn't stay but will come back to pick them up at x time, about 20 minutes before that time I tell the kids they need to start cleaning it up before they leave. Am I wrong to do this? Is it just expected to leave the host with a disaster to clean up after they leave?

 

I think it's fine to help them get cleaned up ahead of time when you know when mom is coming. If you don't know when she's coming, I might start the clean-up sooner for the game-with-many-pieces and move them to an easy-clean activity as what they'd be doing when mom comes to pick up.

 

If mom is staying and is getting ready to leave, I might go into the room with the kids and start putting them away myself and say, "Let's get these things back where they belong" in a cheerful voice. It's likely the other mom will chip in, too, at that point.

 

Around here, the standard is for everyone to help clean up.

[ChristusG]

Honestly, I would rather people NOT help clean up our playroom. We have different bins for different toys and DD6 is very meticulous that her toys go into their correct spots when we are putting them away.

[mom2denj]

I always make my kids clean up!However, many of our friends do not. I just blow it off though because I would just do it over again anyway!

[VBoulden]

I always leave my friend's houses without cleaning. But, I never resent it when they leave mine a disaster, either... I also live in Connecticut and I think the standard practice on "to clean or not to clean" probably differs from region to region. The last time we had friends over, I limited the kids to the downstairs living room. That made the clean up easier. :001_smile:

[NanceXToo]

Yes, I do ask my kids to help clean up.

 

And I would absolutely tell kids who were playing here that it is time to start cleaning up when i knew they were due to leave soon. Or if they are neighborhood kids who were about to walk out on their own, I'd say casually "oh, can you just help put those things away quick before you go" and they will.