Please share your potty training experience w/ me

[johnandtinagilbert]

I've potty trained 7 children and never spent more than a week training. There were a couple of accidents, but never continued daily accidents. *I* was not potty trained, i.e. they all told me when they needed to go and we headed toward the potty.

 

In June, we began training the 2 yo I babysit. We put him on the pot regularly and he got the point b/c each time we sat him there, he peed. He even started pooping, too; however, even after a month of *us* being trained, if we didn't take him, he wet his pants.

 

So after 1 month of training and constantly cleaning up his messes, about 6 weeks ago, I tried something extreme. The kid sat on a potty (in the room with the rest of us) for 4 solid days. He suffered no emotional trauma sitting on the potty. He was in the room, read books, played with a few toys, he simply caught the effect fully when the urine flowed and stopped what he was doing to use the toilet, instead of standing in the middle of the room and peeing on the floor. He wasn't punished. He's two and I'm no ogre. He spent PE time playing in the back (with the potty outside), ate meals, napped, continued generally his daily routine, with the exception of long term time on the potty (about 30 min of every hour he wasn't eating or sleeping) On the evening of the 4th day his mother got emotional and let him get off and to her surprise, it worked! He started using the potty. She couldn't imagine that 30 min. a day on the potty wasn't somehow hurting him. She and I discussed and agreed on this before it was instituted. I told her if she wanted to stop the process she was welcome to buy some diapers and I'd use them until her school break came and she could spend her couple of weeks off training him.

 

Starting last week or 2, he's now 2 years 6 months, is having regular accidents. 2-3 times a day. #1 & #2.

 

I'm ready to a)ship him off to day care b)put him in diapers (which his mother CANNOT afford c)lose my mind.

 

HELP! Please. Share your experience, offer suggestions, just make this stop. If I have to clean pee from my oriental rug 1.more.time. I will not be a happy camper.

Edited October 12, 2010 by johnandtinagilbert

[bbrandonsmom]

Is he is diapers during the day or underwear? That makes a difference. With ds1 I used Poquito pants between 1-2 (they are like thicker underwear), but with ds2 I used gerber training underwear starting around 2. Both had been cloth diapered. Ds2 wanted to be like his brother, so that helped. I had a little potty for him in the bathroom and we took him after he drank or ate (I didn't do the reward system thing either-just a yay type thing w/ clapping). I don't know when he got it. It was before 2.5 though. He just started going himself. I do remember when he was first getting it, he would tell me pee, but he had already peed some-that took a few months-he had to learn I would take him to the potty, especially if we weren't at home. And I still remind him if we are visiting some one, only because it's new.

 

I'd talk to his mom to see if something changed? Maybe she's not being as efficient as you are with it, but telling you otherwise? Maybe he needs some big boy underwear he really wants to wear? Does he have a cold/underlying illness? Has his diet changed? Those are some things to consider. Kids will have setbacks, but from my knowledge, it's either health or home related, if they are already going potty. Unless they just forget-like they are excited to play with friends and don't want to stop playing :) Also, maybe keep the little potty out where he can see it?

[NanceXToo]

Sorry, but this is pretty mind-boggling to me. He's only two and he's obviously NOT ready for potty training. Forcing him to sit on a potty for however long on end is not right. (And if you mean that you literally made him sit on a potty pretty much all day long for four days that is beyond disturbing).

 

His mother needs to find a way to afford the diapers and you need to hold off on pressing the potty training issue, or be willing to continue cleaning his messes/washing his clothing- without shaming him or punishing him for it or forcing him to sit on a potty if he's not willing to.

 

It's not at all uncommon for boys to not be fully potty trained til they are 3 or even 4 years old and I would never try to force it on a 2 year old who is that obviously just NOT ready.

[KS_]

Sorry, but this is pretty mind-boggling to me. He's only two and he's obviously NOT ready for potty training.

 

It's not at all uncommon for boys to not be fully potty trained til they are 3 or even 4 years old and I would never try to force it on a 2 year old who is that obviously just NOT ready.

 

I agree - I tried to start training my 2 dc at about that age, but they were not ready. They both were easily trained when they were closer to 3.

[Sahamamama]

Sorry, but this is pretty mind-boggling to me. He's only two and he's obviously NOT ready for potty training. Forcing him to sit on a potty for however long on end is not right. (And if you mean that you literally made him sit on a potty pretty much all day long for four days that is beyond disturbing).

 

It's not at all uncommon for boys to not be fully potty trained til they are 3 or even 4 years old and I would never try to force it on a 2 year old who is that obviously just NOT ready.

 

:iagree:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Sorry, but this is pretty mind-boggling to me. He's only two and he's obviously NOT ready for potty training. Forcing him to sit on a potty for however long on end is not right. (And if you mean that you literally made him sit on a potty pretty much all day long for four days that is beyond disturbing).

 

His mother needs to find a way to afford the diapers and you need to hold off on pressing the potty training issue, or be willing to continue cleaning his messes/washing his clothing- without shaming him or punishing him for it or forcing him to sit on a potty if he's not willing to.

 

It's not at all uncommon for boys to not be fully potty trained til they are 3 or even 4 years old and I would never try to force it on a 2 year old who is that obviously just NOT ready.

 

:iagree: My ds was not completely trained till he was over 4 years old. Some children are not medically ready till they are older and generally I learned in nursing school that 2 is too young in most cases.

[susankenny]

Sorry, but this is pretty mind-boggling to me. He's only two and he's obviously NOT ready for potty training. Forcing him to sit on a potty for however long on end is not right. (And if you mean that you literally made him sit on a potty pretty much all day long for four days that is beyond disturbing).

 

His mother needs to find a way to afford the diapers and you need to hold off on pressing the potty training issue, or be willing to continue cleaning his messes/washing his clothing- without shaming him or punishing him for it or forcing him to sit on a potty if he's not willing to.

 

It's not at all uncommon for boys to not be fully potty trained til they are 3 or even 4 years old and I would never try to force it on a 2 year old who is that obviously just NOT ready.

 

 

:iagree:Honestly, I could not agree more. Poor little guy.

[Sherry in OH]

My oldest trained at just over 3 years - he trained in less than than a week. I made no attempt to train him prior to then and would have waited longer, but the daycare insisted.

 

My youngest began showing interest in using the toilet when he was 18 months. He will sit on the toilet and urinate if I take him to the bathroom. He usually tells me when he has soiled. He stays dry at night. I tried to train him earlier this month (age 2 1/2). We had four days of timed potty-breaks. It did not work. He is not ready. He does not care if he is wet. He does not care if the urine runs down his leg. He does not want to stop playing to go to the bathroom. I put him back into diapers. We'll try again in a few months.

 

If the mother truly cannot afford disposable diapers, try cloth and plastic pants or put plastic pants over training pants. It won't help him be ready sooner, but it will save your carpets.

[SilverMoon]

Tried having him go commando under his pants? Mine did the main training in a week or so too, except for one, and they were all under 2.5yo. One of my boys had a similar pattern as you described. He would try hard with whitey tighties on, but that wide elastic just skeeved him out. The day I put him in woven boxers with covered elastic, and brought a toddler potty out into his play area, all accidents disappeared. (At nearly 7 he will still only wear loose boxer briefs.)

Edited October 12, 2010 by SilverMoon

[abrightmom]

I've potty trained 7 children and never spent more than a week training. There were a couple of accidents, but never continued daily accidents. *I* was not potty trained, i.e. they all told me when they needed to go and we headed toward the potty.

 

In June, we began training the 2 yo I babysit. We put him on the pot regularly and he got the point b/c each time we sat him there, he peed. He even started pooping, too; however, even after a month of *us* being trained, if we didn't take him, he wet his pants.

 

So after 3 months of training and constantly cleaning up his messes, about 6 weeks ago, I tried something extreme. The kid sat on a potty (in the room with the rest of us) for 4 solid days. On the evening of the 4th day his mother got emotional and let him get off and to her surprise, it worked! He started using the potty.

 

Starting last week, he's now 2 years 6 months, is having regular accidents. 2-3 times a day. #1 & #2.

 

I'm ready to a)ship him off to day care b)put him in diapers (which his mother CANNOT afford c)lose my mind.

 

HELP! Please. Share your experience, offer suggestions, just make this stop. If I have to clean pee from my oriental rug 1.more.time. I will not be a happy camper.

 

Well Tina, I know you love these kiddos and are doing your best to care for them . . . :001_smile: I don't think that sitting on a potty much of the day is that big of a deal unless the child is disciplined for it or is in distress. My kids LOVED potty training and sitting on the pot (lots of sweet drinks and treats to be had. Lots of stories read to them. They'd sit all day if I let them :D).

 

That being said, I definitely vote for putting him back in diapers. In my experience some kids just aren't ready. Now, for the record BOTH of my big boys were fully potty trained at 2.5 years old (one needed protection at night until he was 7) but my daughter was not. The boys were just ready and I didn't force anything. It just worked when we tried it and it was relatively painless. My daughter's first attempt was a flop so I waited a couple months and tried again. HUGE difference those 2 months made. And, I have many friends whose littles just weren't ready until closer to 3.

 

I feel bad for this Mama but diapers are a reality for littles . . . pray about the provision she needs for them. She may not need diapers for more than a couple of months . . .

[swellmomma]

Sorry, but this is pretty mind-boggling to me. He's only two and he's obviously NOT ready for potty training. Forcing him to sit on a potty for however long on end is not right. (And if you mean that you literally made him sit on a potty pretty much all day long for four days that is beyond disturbing).

 

His mother needs to find a way to afford the diapers and you need to hold off on pressing the potty training issue, or be willing to continue cleaning his messes/washing his clothing- without shaming him or punishing him for it or forcing him to sit on a potty if he's not willing to.

 

It's not at all uncommon for boys to not be fully potty trained til they are 3 or even 4 years old and I would never try to force it on a 2 year old who is that obviously just NOT ready.

 

:iagree:None of my kids potty trained that early, and as a mother if my child's caregiver had my child sitting for 4 solid days on a potty I would be livid. Right now I am working on potty training my youngest dd. SHe turned 3 last month. She has no interest in the potty, no desire for panties, if she is bare bum she is having constant accidents and doesn't even notice. She is in pullups or diapers full time still, and does go potty at certain times of the day as a matter of ritual (before bath, upon waking, after a meal, before we leave the house) she seldom pees at those times, and has NEVER pooped in the potty. Actually my nephew who is 2.5 yrs is fully day trained and in undies. My sister tried to "help" dd potty train last time we were in town, she now holds her bowels and is struggling with constipation, something we never had to deal with her about.

 

My oldest was 4 when he day trained, at 12 he still bedwets nearly nightly. Older dd was a week after her 3rd b-day. Younger ds was 3.5 when he trained. For some kids it just doesn't happen that young. It is perfectly normal for little ones to be 3-4 before their bodies are ready for potty training. Pushing them faster than they are capable of is a good way to create a power struggle as well as issues with constipation, and fear of the potty. I pushed oldest ds too soon, because I didn't know better back then and it really created some un-necessary stress and frustration for both of us.

 

If the mother will not put him back in diapers, or at the very least cloth training pants with plastic diaper covers and you can not handle the fact that he is simply not physically ready to potty train than perhaps sending him off to a daycare center would be in his best interests.

[NanceXToo]

I don't think that sitting on a potty much of the day is that big of a deal unless the child is disciplined for it or is in distress. My kids LOVED potty training and sitting on the pot (lots of sweet drinks and treats to be had. Lots of stories read to them. They'd sit all day if I let them :D).

 

If the child WANTED to do this, and it was a positive experience, maybe you're right. But based on:

 

"On the evening of the 4th day his mother got emotional and let him get off"

 

I don't get the impression the child wanted to do this. Why would the mother get emotional unless the child was distressed, and why would she have to "let" him get off if he wanted to be sitting on that potty chair for four days? And I don't see any two year old wanting to just sit ANYWHERE for much of a day, let alone for four days straight. Two year olds are way too active for that.

 

Maybe I misinterpreted the original post.

 

I hope so.

[abrightmom]

If the mother will not put him back in diapers, or at the very least cloth training pants with plastic diaper covers and you can not handle the fact that he is simply not physically ready to potty train than perhaps sending him off to a daycare center would be in his best interests.

This is a GREAT idea and might be a wonderful, cost effective solution for the interim. :001_smile:

[johnandtinagilbert]

He does wear underwear all day and the perplexing part is that he was doing fine. It's just been in the last 2 weeks the accidents have returned. I may grab some plastic pants, perhaps the feeling will make a difference.

 

As for the "he's too young"...I'm in the kids can train early school of thought. As I said, I've had 6 children using the potty w/o problems by 2 years, 1 week (I listened to parenting magazines and allowed the eldest to wait until after his 3rd b-day). I understand many choose to wait and respect that decision. We've chosen otherwise and up until the past 2 weeks, it was working. This child absolutely understands where to go, how to go and understands that once he starts, he is able to control the flow of urine and get to the potty. I've watched him do it for enough weeks to be certain he gets it.

 

He suffered no emotional trauma sitting on the potty. He was in the room, read books, played with a few toys, he simply caught the effect fully when the urine flowed and stopped what he was doing to use the toilet, instead of standing in the middle of the room and peeing on the floor. He wasn't punished. He's two and I'm no ogre. He spent PE time playing in the back (with the potty outside), ate meals, napped, continued generally his daily routine, with the exception of long term time on the potty.

 

A child who was doing fine and suddenly not is unusual. There is no illness. I'll have to confirm with him mom the change in diet and there is always the possibility that she isn't following through at home as well as she should. Thanks for the suggestions.

Edited October 12, 2010 by johnandtinagilbert

[Hockey Mom]

:iagree: My ds was not completely trained till he was over 4 years old. Some children are not medically ready till they are older and generally I learned in nursing school that 2 is too young in most cases.

 

:iagree:

 

My youngest was a month over his fourth birthday before he finally "got" it. He probably would have been potty trained earlier had I NOT pushed the issue when he was around 3.

[abrightmom]

If the child WANTED to do this, and it was a positive experience, maybe you're right. But based on:

 

"On the evening of the 4th day his mother got emotional and let him get off"

 

I don't get the impression the child wanted to do this. Why would the mother get emotional unless the child was distressed, and why would she have to "let" him get off if he wanted to be sitting on that potty chair for four days? And I don't see any two year old wanting to just sit ANYWHERE for much of a day, let alone for four days straight. Two year olds are way too active for that.

 

Maybe I misinterpreted the original post.

 

I hope so.

 

:001_smile: I'm giving Tina the benefit of the doubt here. :001_smile: She is a good Mama and caregiver. I assume the decisions made in potty training this kiddo were a team effort.

 

I have no idea why his Mom was emotional. I was simply pointing out that a kiddo sitting on the potty for a few days may not be as bad is it sounds . . . Tina will have to elaborate on that one.

[Pata]

Tina,

 

I haven't potty trained a boy (yet :)), but we did have a similar problem with my dd. She was fully trained by 2, no accidents for months and then we moved when she was 2 years 9 months, all the sudden, she forgot how to use the potty. I would ask the mom if anything has changed at home that would make him feel unsettled or unsure, that may be the root of the problem. What worked for us was going back to the "I take you to the potty every so many minutes" method until she got back into the routine again. It took us about a week to work out the kinks. Good luck, cleaning up pee and poo is my least favorite job of motherhood :001_huh:.

[Hockey Mom]

He does wear underwear all day and the perplexing part is that he was doing fine. It's just been in the last 2 weeks the accidents have returned. I may grab some plastic pants, perhaps the feeling will make a difference.

 

As for the "he's too young"...I'm in the kids can train early school of thought. As I said, I've had 6 children using the potty w/o problems by 2 years, 1 week (I listened to parenting magazines and allowed the eldest to wait until after his 3rd b-day). I understand many choose to wait and respect that decision. We've chosen otherwise and up until the past 2 weeks, it was working. This child absolutely understands where to go, how to go and understands that once he starts, he is able to control the flow of urine and get to the potty. I've watched him do it for enough weeks to be certain he gets it.

 

He suffered no emotional trauma sitting on the potty. He was in the room, read books, played with a few toys, he simply caught the effect fully when the urine flowed and stopped what he was doing to use the toilet, instead of standing in the middle of the room and peeing on the floor. He wasn't punished. He's two and I'm no ogre. He spent PE time playing in the back (with the potty outside), ate meals, napped, continued generally his daily routine, with the exception of long term time on the potty.

 

A child who was doing fine and suddenly not is unusual. There is no illness. I'll have to confirm with him mom the change in diet and there is always the possibility that she isn't following through at home as well as she should. Thanks for the suggestions.

 

1. Am I understanding that the 6 you've potty trained early were your own children? Biologically? And the child you are training is biologically someone else's child? That may make a difference.

 

2. No, it's not unusual. In fact, it's pretty normal in the early stages of potty training to have some regression after success.

[abrightmom]

He suffered no emotional trauma sitting on the potty. He was in the room, read books, played with a few toys, he simply caught the effect fully when the urine flowed and stopped what he was doing to use the toilet, instead of standing in the middle of the room and peeing on the floor. He wasn't punished. He's two and I'm no ogre. He spent PE time playing in the back (with the potty outside), ate meals, napped, continued generally his daily routine, with the exception of long term time on the potty.

 

:001_smile: I was simply pointing out that a kiddo sitting on the potty for a few days may not be as bad is it sounds . . . Tina will have to elaborate on that one.

 

:001_smile:

[johnandtinagilbert]

:iagree:None of my kids potty trained that early, and as a mother if my child's caregiver had my child sitting for 4 solid days on a potty I would be livid. Right now I am working on potty training my youngest dd. SHe turned 3 last month. She has no interest in the potty, no desire for panties, if she is bare bum she is having constant accidents and doesn't even notice. She is in pullups or diapers full time still, and does go potty at certain times of the day as a matter of ritual (before bath, upon waking, after a meal, before we leave the house) she seldom pees at those times, and has NEVER pooped in the potty. Actually my nephew who is 2.5 yrs is fully day trained and in undies. My sister tried to "help" dd potty train last time we were in town, she now holds her bowels and is struggling with constipation, something we never had to deal with her about.

 

My oldest was 4 when he day trained, at 12 he still bedwets nearly nightly. Older dd was a week after her 3rd b-day. Younger ds was 3.5 when he trained. For some kids it just doesn't happen that young. It is perfectly normal for little ones to be 3-4 before their bodies are ready for potty training. Pushing them faster than they are capable of is a good way to create a power struggle as well as issues with constipation, and fear of the potty. I pushed oldest ds too soon, because I didn't know better back then and it really created some un-necessary stress and frustration for both of us.

 

If the mother will not put him back in diapers, or at the very least cloth training pants with plastic diaper covers and you can not handle the fact that he is simply not physically ready to potty train than perhaps sending him off to a daycare center would be in his best interests.

 

If the child WANTED to do this, and it was a positive experience, maybe you're right. But based on:

 

"On the evening of the 4th day his mother got emotional and let him get off"

 

I don't get the impression the child wanted to do this. Why would the mother get emotional unless the child was distressed, and why would she have to "let" him get off if he wanted to be sitting on that potty chair for four days? And I don't see any two year old wanting to just sit ANYWHERE for much of a day, let alone for four days straight. Two year olds are way too active for that.

 

Maybe I misinterpreted the original post.

 

I hope so.

I added a few things to the original post so everyone would have a fuller picture. I'll put them here, too for clarification.

 

He has no issues with constipation. He does not hold his bowels. In fact, because we each so many fresh foods, he goes a very healthy, brown floaty 2-3 times a day (he's here from 7am--4pm).

 

Light background on the situation:

She and I discussed and agreed on this before it was instituted. I told her if she wanted to stop the process she was welcome to buy some diapers and I'd use them until her school break came and she could spend her couple of weeks off training him. She wanted to get the process started and I've worked to help her do so.

 

As for her getting emotional, she's a parent that is not accustomed to guiding her children. She's used to her children doing whatever they please. She had issues in daycare b/c of behavior with her middle son b/c honestly, he was really quite a bully and brat (he isn't anymore, now he's a well adjusted and super sweet little boy -- he's been here since December and now I'm home schooling him). Only in the last year has she made changes to parent (amongst many other in her life), so she still gets emotional if her children cry about anything and struggles with guilt b/c there is no daddy in the picture. She couldn't imagine that 30 min. at a time on the potty wasn't somehow hurting him. We talked about it and I again offered to diaper him. Yup. He was on the potty a lot for 4 days. Nope, it didn't hurt him.

 

She cannot put him in daycare. She has no money and no gov't funded childcare. She gets Zero support from her exshusband. I home school her 2 boys, and babysit her 2 year old for free. Her rent decreased so, her food stamps were lowered. I feed them, too. Our relationship is a whole lot deeper than "babysitter."

 

I'd like to hear from someone who was successful in training, but had a setback, if that's possible. I understand some of you now think I'm horrible. I'm not and I know that. She knows that too. The 2 year old does also. I'd really appreciate some help if anyone else has any other suggestions.

[ABQmom]

Tina,

 

My recommendation is to get the book "Potty Training in Less Than a Day". Their methods have worked for many, and you don't have to sit the kid on the potty for hours at a time in order to train him. I own the book and have lent it out to numerous new moms and all have been successful. I have a friend who recently borrowed it and used it to train twins--I can't imagine the evils of potty training twin boys, but she did it!

Edited October 13, 2010 by ABQmom

[Parrothead]

 

As for the "he's too young"...I'm in the kids can train early school of thought. As I said, I've had 6 children using the potty w/o problems by 2 years, 1 week (I listened to parenting magazines and allowed the eldest to wait until after his 3rd b-day). I understand many choose to wait and respect that decision. We've chosen otherwise and up until the past 2 weeks, it was working. This child absolutely understands where to go, how to go and understands that once he starts, he is able to control the flow of urine and get to the potty. I've watched him do it for enough weeks to be certain he gets it.

Yup, "can" is the operative word. The fact of the matter is this young man is not. And since he is not consistently for any great length of time one has to conclude that he really is not ready. At least he is not ready by your standards.

 

You indicated you do not like being trained by him. I don't understand what you think is so bad about stopping what you are doing and making sure this young man is reminded at regular intervals to go potty.

 

If he is two now was he 1.5 when all this potty training started? Or is he 2.5ish now? Either way it may be closer to 3.5 before he is fully considered potty trained.

 

Search the potty training threads. You'll see that a great many boys are not ready to be potty trained before the age of 3, and quite a few slip in just under 4.

 

One more thought. You may not see emotional distress, but his not going potty could very well be passive//aggressive.

[Tress]

(I'm not going to comment on the 'ready or not' part.)

 

Tina, I would make sure you ask the mother about what he is eating and drinking while at home. Certain things (for example, orange juice) can cause lots of accidents with otherwise potty trained kids.

[johnandtinagilbert]

:001_smile: I'm giving Tina the benefit of the doubt here. :001_smile: She is a good Mama and caregiver. I assume the decisions made in potty training this kiddo were a team effort.

 

I have no idea why his Mom was emotional. I was simply pointing out that a kiddo sitting on the potty for a few days may not be as bad is it sounds . . . Tina will have to elaborate on that one.

:grouphug: Thank you for the benefit of the doubt. *I'm* so familiar here I forget everybody here isn't familiar with me.

 

Tina,

 

I haven't potty trained a boy (yet :)), but we did have a similar problem with my dd. She was fully trained by 2, no accidents for months and then we moved when she was 2 years 9 months, all the sudden, she forgot how to use the potty. I would ask the mom if anything has changed at home that would make him feel unsettled or unsure, that may be the root of the problem. What worked for us was going back to the "I take you to the potty every so many minutes" method until she got back into the routine again. It took us about a week to work out the kinks. Good luck, cleaning up pee and poo is my least favorite job of motherhood :001_huh:.

Thank you for this sound reminder. It looks like we're back to the super efforts in getting to the potty.

 

1. Am I understanding that the 6 you've potty trained early were your own children? Biologically? And the child you are training is biologically someone else's child? That may make a difference.

 

2. No, it's not unusual. In fact, it's pretty normal in the early stages of potty training to have some regression after success.

1. I mistyped -- actually it was 5 of my own and 2 that were not (I was a nanny for 2 years). Indeed, with family history, I can see it will be different. Her kiddos have trended in meeting milestones a little later than mine. I don't say that boastfully either, just as observation. The entire situation has actually really showed me how much environment makes all the difference in early child rearing.

 

2. I guess my hoping has completely dismissed the regularity of regression. Thank you for posting.

[johnandtinagilbert]

Tina,

 

I'm in the camp that kids shouldn't be wetting a diaper at age 4--that's ridiculous. My kids were all potty trained around the age of 2. I think night time wetting is a different story, but you CAN train a 2 year old to use the potty during the day.

 

My recommendation is to get the book "Potty Training in Less Than a Day". Their methods work and you don't have to sit the kid on the potty for hours at a time in order to train him. I own the book and have lent it out to numerous new moms and all have been successful. I have a friend who recently borrowed it and used it to train twins--I can't imagine the evils of potty training twin boys, but she did it!

Thank you for that rec. I will get that from the library, read and share it!

 

Yup, "can" is the operative word. The fact of the matter is this young man is not. And since he is not consistently for any great length of time one has to conclude that he really is not ready. At least he is not ready by your standards. Respectfully and without malice, I didn't start this thread with the intention to bring up the argument of when to start potty training. It's like breast feeding vs. bottle or kids sleeping in bed with you. We each have our philosophies and these debates have come up here a great deal since I started coming to these boards about 8 or so years ago. I believe with a few modifications, this will work, and since my personal experience in training a variety of other children (with different personalities and physical abilities), I believe it will once we get through this regression. YMMV and that's okay with me and with his mother.

 

You indicated you do not like being trained by him. I don't understand what you think is so bad about stopping what you are doing and making sure this young man is reminded at regular intervals to go potty. I didn't indicate I didn't like it, I just made the distinguishment between his actually being trained and us bringing him to the potty in regular intervals. They are 2 different things. If my post indicated otherwise, then I was unclear. No, I don't like cleaning up his accidents for several months, and I don't object to the increased time to train, I have just been perplexed at the regression.

 

If he is two now was he 1.5 when all this potty training started? Or is he 2.5ish now? Either way it may be closer to 3.5 before he is fully considered potty trained. He was over 2 when he began. He trained for month (us being trained by my definition); then sat on the potty for extended time. He has been fine for about 5-6 weeks, then bam! Last 2 weeks tons of accidents.

 

Search the potty training threads. You'll see that a great many boys are not ready to be potty trained before the age of 3, and quite a few slip in just under 4.

 

One more thought. You may not see emotional distress, but his not going potty could very well be passive//aggressive.

Passive/aggressive..interesting thought. I'll really have to watch for that. Thanks for the suggestion.

[TracyP]

He sounds completely ready to me. I went through something similar with my ds (just turned 3). I would really question the consistency at home. That was my ds's problem. A long car ride and one accident is all it would take to make him think going in his pants all day was okay. Once we realized this (and made necessary changes) he has been completely daytime potty-trained since just after 2.5.

 

So in your situation the only option you may have is keeping him in diapers a little while longer. I feel bad for the mom's sake but you just can't do it on your own. Of course it could be something different but that is my gut feeling: it's a consistency issue.

[guateangel]

I began training my dd at 2.2 yrs. She did well for 3 weeks but then regressed. We took a break for 2-3 months, began again and she was fully trained.

 

DS, at 2.3 yrs., aked to use the potty and has been trained ever since. He still wears pull-ups at night, however. We've had the occassional accident as well (2-3 a month.) No biggy.

 

I know all kids are different, us homeschooling mom's should know this more than anyone.

 

Sounds like this little boy has regressed and needs time, not pressure.

 

Best of luck to you. Sounds like you are an amazing woman for taking in these kids and holding this mother under your wings. :grouphug:

[momofabcd]

I didn't read all the posts, but I used a book called

Toilet training in Less than a Day by Dr. Nathan Azrin.

http://www.amazon.com/Toilet-Training-Less-Than-Day/dp/0671693808/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1286896432&sr=8-1

 

I used it with all four of my very different kids. All four of them were completely trained within a day or two, meaning no more diapers even at bedtime:) Best of all, I didn't have to waste money on those silly glorified diapers called "pullups";) My children didn't suffer. They weren't traumatized by it, and they were much happier in the end. A couple did continue to have an accident here and there for a couple weeks. But, after that, clear sailing. I swear by this method. Even my friends who have actually tried it wholeheartedly agree.

[Snowfall]

:iagree: My ds was not completely trained till he was over 4 years old. Some children are not medically ready till they are older and generally I learned in nursing school that 2 is too young in most cases.

 

That's such an old lie, though! The lie is that kids literally do not have the physical ability to hold it, due to some magical thing that happens after (at the minimum) 14 to 18 months of age. There is literally no compelling research to support that theory. In fact, it was first postulated by "researchers" who worked for disposable diaper companies. The reality is that about 50% of the world's children are potty trained by 1 year of age. The reason kids in developed societies aren't is because we teach them to use diapers. Most babies let us know they have to go before they ever go - they get fussy and active. In many cultures, that's the sign for mom to hold baby away from her body and let baby go. It's called elimination communication and it's how most of the world's children are still potty trained.

 

I will, however, agree that most American kids are not ready to potty train until well past 2 years of age. That is definitely not for any medical reason, though. It's just psychological. They've been taught that peeing and pooping happens in diapers, so that's what they do. It's a habit and it's hard to break, kind of like how it would be hard for you to decide right now that you should pee your pants. You'd have trouble doing it if there weren't some very, very compelling reason. So I agree that it's just not right to force a 2yo to sit on the potty for long periods of time or try to make him potty train when he isn't emotionally ready. I just wanted to point out that the idea that it's medically impossible is one of those absurd medical myths people need to stop teaching in nursing school.

[bbrandonsmom]

I'm going to guess that those of you who feel pushing a kid to potty train before 2, has never heard of infant potty train? Essentially you potty from birth, so you don't Train your child to soil his diaper. There are a few phases to catch this awareness. It can be done-my son is proof and I know others who have done this. There is No pressure. You watch for signs that they have to go, and instead of letting them soil a diaper, you sit them on a potty.

 

That said-Tina, you should not feel attacked. He is ready, if he's showing signs. It's just a set back. I know plenty of kids who are starting to go potty by 2. It's just like learning anything, and at that age, just think of all the stuff they are learning. This is all from parents who know kids can be ready at that age-they are not pushing them, at all. If his mom is okay with it, and she is, then just find out if she's not following through. She may not be. Putting him back in diapers would not be the answer, if he's already using the potty.

 

Ask your parents what age you were going potty? I know I was using the potty by 2-I have pictures. So were all my sisters. So were my parents. Using cloth makes a huge difference-the kids can feel wetness compared to diapers that hold wetness away. I may make some people mad by stating that, but it's just how it is. Some people want to be lazy about using diapers and potty, that's jmo. For some reason, the US went from kids using cloth and being able to use a potty by 2-3, to kids wearing a diaper until they were 4/5 instead of the potty, and it's just accepted. Why?

[alpidarkomama]

Sorry, but this is pretty mind-boggling to me. He's only two and he's obviously NOT ready for potty training. Forcing him to sit on a potty for however long on end is not right. (And if you mean that you literally made him sit on a potty pretty much all day long for four days that is beyond disturbing).

 

His mother needs to find a way to afford the diapers and you need to hold off on pressing the potty training issue, or be willing to continue cleaning his messes/washing his clothing- without shaming him or punishing him for it or forcing him to sit on a potty if he's not willing to.

 

It's not at all uncommon for boys to not be fully potty trained til they are 3 or even 4 years old and I would never try to force it on a 2 year old who is that obviously just NOT ready.

 

:iagree:

 

I was surprised to learn he's only 2-1/2! Sometimes they're just plain old not ready yet. Each kid in his/her own time. One of mine self-trained at 2 out of all diapers at 3, one was trained by 3 but had naptime diapers until she was almost 6, one is now 3 and it's hit or miss, and my other one trained for day and night at 3-1/2. It's just so variable!!!

[Homeschooling6]

Deleted. Sorry, Tina, I read the whole thread and realize I wasn't giving any advice, just ages of my dear kiddos.:leaving:

Edited October 12, 2010 by Homeschooling6

[bbrandonsmom]

Tina, you can get the Gerber pull up covers at kmart and target-not sure who is less exp. Feeling the wetness should make a difference to him, since he already knows to go. I would give you them if I had them. All I have are newborn covers which wouldn't fit, and fuzzibunz, that I'm using for ds2 at night. If he's not wetting a lot, you may not even need a cover, the gerber trainers are thick enough to hold a little pee, but not a big one.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I'm going to guess that those of you who feel pushing a kid to potty train before 2, has never heard of infant potty train? Essentially you potty from birth, so you don't Train your child to soil his diaper. There are a few phases to catch this awareness. It can be done-my son is proof and I know others who have done this. There is No pressure. You watch for signs that they have to go, and instead of letting them soil a diaper, you sit them on a potty.

 

That said-Tina, you should not feel attacked. He is ready, if he's showing signs. It's just a set back. I know plenty of kids who are starting to go potty by 2. It's just like learning anything, and at that age, just think of all the stuff they are learning. This is all from parents who know kids can be ready at that age-they are not pushing them, at all. If his mom is okay with it, and she is, then just find out if she's not following through. She may not be. Putting him back in diapers would not be the answer, if he's already using the potty.

 

Ask your parents what age you were going potty? I know I was using the potty by 2-I have pictures. So were all my sisters. So were my parents. Using cloth makes a huge difference-the kids can feel wetness compared to diapers that hold wetness away. I may make some people mad by stating that, but it's just how it is. Some people want to be lazy about using diapers and potty, that's jmo. For some reason, the US went from kids using cloth and being able to use a potty by 2-3, to kids wearing a diaper until they were 4/5 instead of the potty, and it's just accepted. Why?

That is also a notable difference. I did use cloth with all of mine and the transition was easier than training the 2 I nannied, who used disposable. This may be another factor. I will revisit our determination and diaper time (he wears disposable at bedtime).

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

He's still so young and he's a boy. My girls were potty training at that age and ds was 3. One thought though, which is probably not the case for this little guy, but you never know. My 2.5yo dd was potty trained in July. She was doing really well for a few weeks but then started having accidents. I ended up noticing that the days that she had accidents were the days that she ate yogurt. Ever since we've given up yogurt and most milk (she still has cheese and baked things and casseroles with milk in them) she is just fine. We were visiting my parents this weekend and my mom gave her yogurt. She had a few accidents that day.

 

As many of the other posters mentioned, he might just need to go back into diapers. One question though: do you take him potty or do you just expect him to know when to go? My 4.5yo ds doesn't have accidents any more but even he still needs to be reminded to go sometimes when he is squirming in his seat.

[2squared]

We are in the earlier training group too. All mine were trained by 2.5yo, and they all regressed for a period. They would be doing well and then regress for a week or two. I'm not sure why. We basically started from scratch after the regression, and the training stuck after the second go-around.

 

My 2yo wears a diaper at night, and we make sure to take it off ASAP in the morning so she doesn't think it's OK to use it once she wakes up. She does not wear a diaper for her naps. So, I would check with the mom to see if the little guy is being "allowed" to use the diaper in the mornings b/c it stays on for a while after he wakes up. That might cause confusion.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I was wondering about this. A local friend mentioned removing dairy and in doing so, stopping the accidents. I'll have to speak to his mom and see if she is willing to try this.

 

A little of both to answer your question. When asked, I know he can respond whether or not he needs to go and while much of the time, he comes to me and tells me he needs to go potty, I don't expect him to do this all day long. We have instituted more inquiries today and other than first thing this morning (initiating my post), no accidents. Sigh. I need some more patience with this one.

He's still so young and he's a boy. My girls were potty training at that age and ds was 3. One thought though, which is probably not the case for this little guy, but you never know. My 2.5yo dd was potty trained in July. She was doing really well for a few weeks but then started having accidents. I ended up noticing that the days that she had accidents were the days that she ate yogurt. Ever since we've given up yogurt and most milk (she still has cheese and baked things and casseroles with milk in them) she is just fine. We were visiting my parents this weekend and my mom gave her yogurt. She had a few accidents that day.

 

As many of the other posters mentioned, he might just need to go back into diapers. One question though: do you take him potty or do you just expect him to know when to go? My 4.5yo ds doesn't have accidents any more but even he still needs to be reminded to go sometimes when he is squirming in his seat.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

That's such an old lie, though! The lie is that kids literally do not have the physical ability to hold it, due to some magical thing that happens after (at the minimum) 14 to 18 months of age. There is literally no compelling research to support that theory. In fact, it was first postulated by "researchers" who worked for disposable diaper companies. The reality is that about 50% of the world's children are potty trained by 1 year of age. The reason kids in developed societies aren't is because we teach them to use diapers. Most babies let us know they have to go before they ever go - they get fussy and active. In many cultures, that's the sign for mom to hold baby away from her body and let baby go. It's called elimination communication and it's how most of the world's children are still potty trained.

 

I will, however, agree that most American kids are not ready to potty train until well past 2 years of age. That is definitely not for any medical reason, though. It's just psychological. They've been taught that peeing and pooping happens in diapers, so that's what they do. It's a habit and it's hard to break, kind of like how it would be hard for you to decide right now that you should pee your pants. You'd have trouble doing it if there weren't some very, very compelling reason. So I agree that it's just not right to force a 2yo to sit on the potty for long periods of time or try to make him potty train when he isn't emotionally ready. I just wanted to point out that the idea that it's medically impossible is one of those absurd medical myths people need to stop teaching in nursing school.

 

Why do you think it is a lie that some children are not physically ready for potty training? Do you have any links to support your contention?

 

WebMD has a link supporting my contention and I stand by it:) WebMD is medically reviewed and is a reliable source of information. I think it is wrong to assume that every child will be physically or emotionally ready to potty train by such and such an age. IMHO such an idea will cause undue frustration for parents and children when such beliefs are held and potty training issues arise. I do agree that diapers can be a hindrance for potty training at times. OTOH, when your child urinates 10 times in one hour in his pants and underwear consistently day after day after day even though you have tried every trick in the book such as letting the child run around naked in the house, cheerios in the toilet, reminders, potty chairs, etc., then I think it safe to say that said child may not be ready and to wait a couple of weeks/months and try and again IMHO. Ask me how I know.

 

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/tc/toilet-training-topic-overview

 

My 2 cents:)

Edited October 12, 2010 by priscilla
I forgot to post link:)

[NanceXToo]

I'm in the camp that kids shouldn't be wetting a diaper at age 4--that's ridiculous. My kids were all potty trained around the age of 2.

 

No offense, but *I* think it's ridiculous that YOU think that just because YOUR kids were potty trained around the age of 2, that all kids should be, and if they aren't, it's "ridiculous."

 

That's just as silly as saying it's "ridiculous" for a child to not be walking by a year just because all of yours were. Or it's "ridiculous" for a child to not be weaned or sleeping through the night or talking or anything else. This is a developmental milestone like any other, and not all kids reach it at the same time.

 

A LOT of us had kids who didn't potty train til three or four, it doesn't take much effort to find plenty of evidence out there that this is a normal thing, and it comes across as EXTREMELY pompous to tell us who went through that how "ridiculous" it is that our kids weren't potty-trained by age 2, just because yours were!

[stripe]

If I have to clean pee from my oriental rug 1.more.time. I will not be a happy camper.

Honestly, this is why I don't potty train near a rug.

 

I think he's just not ready. I would let the transition be more gradual. Get some cloth things and save money (especially on starting to go and then finishing in the toilet). I take my kids to be cleaned at the toilet even while in diapers so there are some attempts even at a young age. I never had a toilet training "day," and my kids figured it out. I also think it's hard for kids to stop doing something fun to go to the bathroom. So ... just make your house less of a hassle to clean, so at least you won't be so frustrated.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

No offense, but *I* think it's ridiculous that YOU think that just because YOUR kids were potty trained around the age of 2, that all kids should be, and if they aren't, it's "ridiculous."

 

That's just as silly as saying it's "ridiculous" for a child to not be walking by a year just because all of yours were. Or it's "ridiculous" for a child to not be weaned or sleeping through the night or talking or anything else. This is a developmental milestone like any other, and not all kids reach it at the same time.

 

A LOT of us had kids who didn't potty train til three or four, it doesn't take much effort to find plenty of evidence out there that this is a normal thing, and it comes across as EXTREMELY pompous to tell us who went through that how "ridiculous" it is that our kids weren't potty-trained by age 2, just because yours were!

 

:iagree:

[RootAnn]

*cough* I'm so glad so many people have been helpful to the OP.

 

I & several of my friends have had kids who for all intents & purposes have been "fully" potty trained for a week to a couple of months and then regress to pre-potty training level. Usually, there is an outside stimuli/stimulus - baby, moving, parent gone that normally takes care of them, big change in schedule for someone who needs/relies on schedules & dislikes change.

 

Sometimes, there didn't seem to be an outside stimulus. (We couldn't identify one.) Everyone handled it differently. I started all over as if I hadn't just done this and ignored that I wanted to scream every time the pee hit the floor. I admit that the second time through, I tried to add incentives. For me, it seemed to take longer the second time to fully train than the first time.

 

I had a friend who said she didn't change anything, just had a "talk" with him about how proud she was that he had potty trained and how much that helped with everything. I don't know what all was in the discussion, but apparently, the talk did the trick.

 

Every one of my kids has not potty trained until they really want to and each a slightly different way. None of mine trained until right around 3, with some even older. I have friends whose kids are trained at 18 months.

 

Good luck!

[....]

Hi, I'm potty-training our 4th kid right now. She just turned 3 and weighs 24 pounds. She's tall, but very, very petite (she wears 18-24 month pants). The pediatrician said muscle tone has a lot to do with potty training, unfortunately. :glare:

 

She will take herself to the bathroom all day until late afternoon/early evening. She either is getting tired or...I don't know. She starts having accidents and asks for a diaper after that point.

 

My strategy is to keep chugging along. :tongue_smilie: I think I do agree with the pediatrician about muscle tone, though.

 

Good luck!

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

I was wondering about this. A local friend mentioned removing dairy and in doing so, stopping the accidents. I'll have to speak to his mom and see if she is willing to try this.

 

A little of both to answer your question. When asked, I know he can respond whether or not he needs to go and while much of the time, he comes to me and tells me he needs to go potty, I don't expect him to do this all day long. We have instituted more inquiries today and other than first thing this morning (initiating my post), no accidents. Sigh. I need some more patience with this one.

 

That's great that just asking has made such a difference! It does with my younger dd, too, though sometimes I still need to take her potty even when she doesn't think she has to (which really means she just doesn't want to!) when I know it has been quite a while since she last went. As far as the dairy thing, like I said, we only had to eliminate yogurt and milk. And if she had some one day and didn't the next she was fine that next day, so hopefully it won't take long to figure out if that is his problem. I also want to add that I suspected she had sensitivities to milk when she was younger and delayed giving milk to her until she was closer to two. Has there been any other reason to suspect that dairy bothers him?

[bbrandonsmom]

http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/A-History-of-Potty-Training.html

What I said before-cloth makes a Huge difference in when kids are potty trained.

Here is some info about IPT http://www.timl.com/ipt/ There are cultures today who practice potty the kids young and have always done so-they don't use disposable diapers. Either due to culture or due to expense, or they just don't have them. Now, I do know families who do use disposables and their kids are starting to potty around 15-18m old-mainly because we know it can be done and with no pressure. People just don't know what signs to look for I guess?

 

Yes-dairy is a contributer to bed wetting. Look here-

http://www.feingold.org/bedwetting.php

[Aoife]

I didn't read all the previous posts so I apologize if I am repeating anything.

 

Boys can be difficult to potty train and 2 is pretty young for the average boy IMHO. DS1 Would sit on the potty at 2 and would have spurts of consistency but he was NOT reading to potty train at 2 at all. He's almost 4 now and he is trained for the most part but will still have the occasional accident if he is really deep into something.

 

The best advice I got was to keep him in underwear all day long whether out or in the house. For awhile we used the gerber thick underpants because at least if/when he wet in those it didn't make a big puddle on the ground. Have him sit on the potty after he eats and drinks. Remind him every 30 minutes to go pee pee. Praise him but don't make a huge deal about it cause that can make them shy too, ask me how I know. :tongue_smilie:

 

Now if it is a malicious thing or an attention thing that is a different story. A few months ago we went through that here with DS1. He had just started dropping his afternoon nap and transitioning to having alone time during what was once nap time. He wasn't too happy about having to play all alone and lashed out. He would be consistent at all other times of the day but poop his pants during alone time. It may seem harsh but the only way we could get it to stop was to make him stay upstairs (it's the kids floor where the BIG playroom and their bedrooms are) and not be able to come down until he pooped in the potty except for meals. This worked like a charm and he hasn't done it again since then.

 

One thing to keep in mind though when he does have an accident make him do the main cleanup. Don't make it a punishment but more of a you made the mess so you have to help clean it sort of thing. He won't like this and may put more effort into not making the mess in the first place :tongue_smilie:

[coralloyd]

Well, my son did the regression thing also. I started back on the old routine. I got tired of that real quick. I was done cleaning up messes! I knew that he could do it, there were no big changes in our life. I told him that if he went in his pants again he would sit in the corner for a long time (15 min.). That worked! After two days of sitting in the corner when he went, there were no more accidents. I know people say don't punish for accidents. However, my child was just being stubborn.

[FloridaLisa]

A child who was doing fine and suddenly not is unusual.

 

Hey Tina,

 

I don't think it's unusual to regress. Most of mine didn't, but my 7th sure did. I don't know if it was fear of going on the potty. She was about 2 1/2 as well when first trained and then began regressing for several months. I can make you want to lose your mind. Wen you are busy, busy teaching and caring for all of the others, making dinner, doing dishes, reciting Latin, handling phone calls, coaching your teen through an issue and then to be pulled away time after time to clean up. :001_huh: It's a patience trainer for sure.

 

Anyway, I would talk with Mom to make sure that you all are training similarly. This is what I did (over and over and over):

 

1) child is wearing panties

2) take child to the potty every x minutes

3) child has accident

4) take child to potty, sit her on potty and say, "Pee-pee goes in the potty. Not in our pants. Yuck. Pee-pee goes in the potty." (I must have said that a hundred times.)

5) change child into new panties and have child sit while you clean. (Though I didn't scold during this time, I felt the child shouldn't just run off and play.)

 

You probably know all of this! Truly, if it's making you pull your hair out, I would have Mom put him in diapers and train him on break. Expensive or not, you do not want to keep cleaning up after a child that can't/won't potty train.

 

Lisa

 

ETA: I should have just agreed with this!

 

I & several of my friends have had kids who for all intents & purposes have been "fully" potty trained for a week to a couple of months and then regress to pre-potty training level. Usually, there is an outside stimuli/stimulus - baby, moving, parent gone that normally takes care of them, big change in schedule for someone who needs/relies on schedules & dislikes change.

 

Sometimes, there didn't seem to be an outside stimulus. (We couldn't identify one.) Everyone handled it differently. I started all over as if I hadn't just done this and ignored that I wanted to scream every time the pee hit the floor. I admit that the second time through, I tried to add incentives. For me, it seemed to take longer the second time to fully train than the first time.

Edited October 12, 2010 by FloridaLisa

[FloridaLisa]

Hi, I'm potty-training our 4th kid right now. She just turned 3 and weighs 24 pounds. She's tall, but very, very petite (she wears 18-24 month pants). The pediatrician said muscle tone has a lot to do with potty training, unfortunately. :glare:

 

Lightbulb moment! My dd wasn't late to potty train, but she wasn't easy to potty train. Wonder now if it could have been muscle tone? She's petite as well, was a late walker, late talker and still has some balance issues. Oh the things we learn a bit too late!!

 

Lisa

[skueppers]

A child who was doing fine and suddenly not is unusual. There is no illness. I'll have to confirm with him mom the change in diet and there is always the possibility that she isn't following through at home as well as she should. Thanks for the suggestions.

 

I've known several kids like this, so I wouldn't call it unusual. A couple of kids I've known were excited to use the potty at first, but after the newness wore off, stopped.

 

I even know one boy who, after being reliably dry at night, started wetting the bed several times at night. He was able to tell his parents that he was too tired to get out of bed to go use the toilet, and knew they'd change his bed for him!

 

I thought my son was trained at 2.5, but then he started having accidents again. He wasn't totally reliable until a month short of 3.

 

My advice is to take up the oriental rug and/or put him in cloth training pants.