Am I overreacting? WWYD?

[jenn-]

My MIL and I "get along" normally. What this means is I do things she doesn't like and she does things I don't like and we both just ignore them. This works for us most of the time. Then big things come up and all heck breaks loose for awhile. The most recent issue was several years ago and her letting DD ride in the front seat even after we have told her not too. DH stepped up and went to bat for me/us and as far as I know she hasn't done it again.

 

Fast forward to this past weekend/this morning. MIL is really good about watching the kids over the weekend at times. She likes to have them, and they like to go. She has a pool and DD has a good friend in her neighborhood. So she had them this weekend. I found out yesterday that MIL thought it was appropriate to be watching them in the pool from inside the house. Mind you only my oldest can swim.

 

This was bad enough, but it got worse. This morning I found out my SFIL took it upon himself to toss the boys into the pool while MIL was in the house with her friend. William had on floaties and was able to make it back out, but Nathan did not and went under. He kicked himself up where DD(!) was able to help him to the edge. Normally SFIL is a responsible adult and I am only hoping that he thought Nathan had floats on.

 

If that was the end of it, I would have just been "Well he can't be responsible for the kids around the pool anymore." BUT as my boys are telling me what happens DD chimes in "Grandma is going to be so mad because she told us not to tell you." This isn't the first time, but in the past it was something like over a piece of candy she knew I wouldn't approve of. I told my DH to tell her she wouldn't be having the kids alone for a very long time. This is totally unacceptable in my book.

 

So DH calls her after conferring with his daddy (unbiased opinion on how he should handle his mommy) first to confirm it all happened and then to ream her for the "don't tell your parents" part. She didn't deny any of it. He doesn't think we should keep the kids away from her alone.

 

I pretty much told him that if he wants to give his mother permission to have the kids, neither he nor she, better ask me about it. Normally she says something to me about it, or something to him and then he asks me if it is okay. It will totally his decision.

 

So am I overreacting? How would you reply to this situation?

[Michelle in MO]

IMO, your MIL violated your rules and good common sense. I think it's best to let your dh handle the situation--which he did. I would leave it with him, if at all possible, and it sounds like you are already doing that.

 

You mentioned that only your oldest can swim, and that your younger children cannot. I would not leave them alone for a second, personally. It only takes a minute for a child to get in the water and start going under.

 

The best to you in this situation; it's a difficult one. Handling in-laws can be very tricky, but safety issues are a priority over everything else.

[Remudamom]

It would be hitting the fan around here. That's a kid's life, not a stinking piece of candy. I wouldn't let her watch them at all.

[Sonshine]

Am I understanding this correctly? Your MIL left a child who could not swim in a pool area unsupervised by an adult who can swim (watching from the house doesn't count) and your SFIL threw one child into the pool and he had to be rescued by a big brother, who sounds like at best he can barely swim?( I am unclear as to whether the child with floaties on can swim or not)

 

This comes close to attempted murder.

 

No way would those people have access to my children without me or someone I strongly trusted to watch them also there. My mother would never try to harm my children but lacks basic safety awareness and comes up with dangerous ideas (let's go look more closely at the alligator standing on all 4's and looking straight at us with his mouth very wide open, in a wildlife refuge - no cages or barriers) so we don't leave the kids with her without one of us. At the very least you have an obligation to do what it takes to keep your children alive.

[happi duck]

If this were my situation, I would never, EVER leave my kids with her (and my dh would agree).

[tennismomkelly]

Sorry that you're dealing with IL issues! I know what it's like. Personally, I don't think that you're overreacting. My MIL and I haven't spoken since the beginning of this year for reasons similar to the ones you are describing. My children's health and safety come first and that is something that I'm not willing to let go lightly.

[joannqn]

It would be hitting the fan around here. That's a kid's life, not a stinking piece of candy. I wouldn't let her watch them at all.

 

:iagree:

 

No stinking way would my kids be left alone with them. You simply don't throw a kid who can't swim into the pool to fend for themselves or be helped by other kids who also can't swim. I think you are lucky not to have a 911 call at the very least from a near drowning.

[Danestress]

 

I pretty much told him that if he wants to give his mother permission to have the kids, neither he nor she, better ask me about it. Normally she says something to me about it, or something to him and then he asks me if it is okay. It will totally his decision.

 

So am I overreacting? How would you reply to this situation?

 

If she is going to have them, don't you want to know? Surely you don't really want your husband to just take them there and not tell you. Or do yu want him to just inform you but give you no say in the whens and for how longs? It seems like him asking you would be a good thing....

 

I personally would not be comfortable with the pool supervision level. I also would talk to her about the "Don't tell Mom" thing. I have had to tell a family member that I tell my children that anyone who says, "Don't tell your Mom (or Dad)" intends them harm - that a good person who cares about them will never say that, and that any time someone does say that, they should not trust that person. So I explained to this person that when he says that, he is actually destroying my childrens' confidence in him. I think that made sense once I put it that way, and I think even a pushy MIL can understand that reasoning.

 

But other than addressing that head on, I'm not sure I would want to do anything to distance my children from a grandmother that they love and who loves them. In your situation, I might not leave at her house alone, but I would not announce that - I just would sort of make it not happen for a while - I would just be there too. But if she had a pool, I would also spend the summer determined to have those boys swimming well. Even if they learned to swim well, I would think they need direct, constant supervision, but learning would be a first step for me.

[jenn-]

Am I understanding this correctly? Your MIL left a child who could not swim in a pool area unsupervised by an adult who can swim (watching from the house doesn't count) and your SFIL threw one child into the pool and he had to be rescued by a big brother, who sounds like at best he can barely swim?( I am unclear as to whether the child with floaties on can swim or not)

 

This comes close to attempted murder.

 

No way would those people have access to my children without me or someone I strongly trusted to watch them also there. My mother would never try to harm my children but lacks basic safety awareness and comes up with dangerous ideas (let's go look more closely at the alligator standing on all 4's and looking straight at us with his mouth very wide open, in a wildlife refuge - no cages or barriers) so we don't leave the kids with her without one of us. At the very least you have an obligation to do what it takes to keep your children alive.

 

I will clear up that he was pulled out by his 10 yo sister who can swim decently. SFIL tossed him in where the pool slops, so although DS could not reach bottom and stand, DD could. Not trying to justify by any means, but he was not rescued by the one in floaties.

[4kiddies]

If this happened in my household, the you know what would hit the fan. At the very least my children would never, ever be left alone with either of them and quite possibly would never SEE them again. Also, there is no way I would let my husband handle it, she would be dealing with me and would know my full wrath.

[jenn-]

If she is going to have them, don't you want to know? Surely you don't really want your husband to just take them there and not tell you. Or do yu want him to just inform you but give you no say in the whens and for how longs? It seems like him asking you would be a good thing....

 

 

He has come around to the idea that I have full say so over whether they go or not. During the first "disagreement" over it, I pretty much just told him that he could make the plans directly with his own mom (I kid you not, I talk to her more than he does), and just keep me in the loop. He would know I disagreed with his letting them go, but they are just as much his kids as mine and if he felt he could trust her, then that's his responsibility to bear. As I said to start this reply though, he now sees my side ;).

[Sonshine]

Addressing the husband, I have had to step in a very few times and directly contradict my husband's wishes for the kids. When a situation would have a strong possibility of causing my kids harm, I have no choice but to be mother bear. Sometimes one party doesn't have insight or good judgement in a situation. This one may be too close for your husband to judge with clear vision. If my husband choses to be angry or whatever because I was doing what I felt I had to do as a mother that's his problem. I would want him to do the same were the circumstances reversed. Don't even get me started on the submission issue - I figure God wants me to take care of my kids and someone who says I should be submissive ahead of my kids' safety can go talk to themselves. You didn't bring up that issue, but I am just heading it off at the pass.

[Parrothead]

Watching the 10- and 6-year olds from the house is okay in my book, but not the 4-year old.

 

Throwing in one child that can't swim, if it was an honest mistake, should be forgiving. If it was a "learn to swim by throwing him in the deep end" thing I wouldn't be feeling the forgiveness any time soon.

 

The "don't tell your mom" totally unacceptable. That would cause the offending party to be banned from my child for a very long time.

 

I would advise that you make sure all your kids know how to swim before they go back to visit. I'm one of those that is a firm believer that small children need to know how to swim early. Dd learned at 2.5.

[Nakia]

It would be hitting the fan around here. That's a kid's life, not a stinking piece of candy. I wouldn't let her watch them at all.

 

This.

[Willow]

Something my Step FIL did/said when eldest DD was 3 months old (yes that was 3 months!) made me say that never ever would my children be alone with this man. period.

 

So I made excuses whenever they were asked to stay alone. Either dh or I went with them. They were not happy, accused me of not trusting them (!) etc etc. We had some horrid times. Eventually we ended up living in different countries, and the problem went away for obvious reasons.

 

My children's safety comes before all else. In this case I would make sure I went with the kids. Yes I know its great to have someone take them for a while, but its not worth it.

 

The don't tell your mum comment. My SIL did this with the kids once, I told her that my kids had been told never to trust anyone who said this no matter who they were and they were to come straight to me....this was after the kids ran in the the house yelling at the tops of their voices "Mummy! Auntie said we had to keep something a secret from you. That's really bad isn't it!" :tongue_smilie:

[hsmom3tn]

I have had similar issues with my MIL. She would do things that I didn't approve of (like letting them watch inappropriate movies and tv shows, leaving them alone in the car, etc.), or accidents would happen, that I wouldn't find out about until a long time had passed because she told my DS not to tell me.

 

I stopped letting her take the kids anywhere, she got offended, and now won't have anything to do with us. She doesn't even acknowledge my DC's birthdays or Christmas, but does alot for her other grandson. She still gets along just fine with my husband; but we're nothing to her anymore. It makes my feelings hurt for my kids, but I just tell myself (and them) that it's her loss if she doesn't want to be in their lives.

 

This has been going on since the girls were about 4 or 5. They're all older now and I believe they would speak up if she was going to have them doing something they shouldn't be doing, and would know to tell me if something happened; but she still wants to be stubborn about it. They don't even know her anymore. It's sad, but I still don't regret my decision to not let her keep them alone. Who knows what might have happened. :confused:

[jenn-]

Watching the 10- and 6-year olds from the house is okay in my book, but not the 4-year old.

 

Throwing in one child that can't swim, if it was an honest mistake, should be forgiving. If it was a "learn to swim by throwing him in the deep end" thing I wouldn't be feeling the forgiveness any time soon.

 

The "don't tell your mom" totally unacceptable. That would cause the offending party to be banned from my child for a very long time.

 

I would advise that you make sure all your kids know how to swim before they go back to visit. I'm one of those that is a firm believer that small children need to know how to swim early. Dd learned at 2.5.

 

I do have all the kids signed up for swim lessons that start on June 1st. They were signed up before this. I just hope they haven't traumatized him when the teachers try bringing him in water over his head. We had just just gotten to the point where they didn't start the season out as an octopus around my neck. I would actually trust the 4yo out more than the 6yos as he is terrified of the water and won't go off the step without a grown up. The 6yos walk around the shallow end and have started "swimming" with their swimmies. They are much more likely to end up somewhere on accident and get in trouble. Either way we have ALWAYS expressed (to the kids and ILs) that a grown up had to be out with them and they were to sit on the edge until one came back out in the event the phone rang or whatever.

[Jean in Newcastle]

No unsupervised visits with Grandma and step-Grandpa. Maybe when they are all 10 and up I would reconsider it.

[milovany]

This comes close to attempted murder.

 

 

That is just plain uncalled for. :confused:

 

= = = = =

 

To the OP -- I'm a bit of the opinion that there's a little overreaction going on. I'll just leave it at that, but since it's a different opinion I thought I'd throw it out there.

Edited May 25, 2010 by milovaný

[AuntieM]

Not overreacting. No more unsupervised visits.

[NanceXToo]

Wow. I'd be fuming. I'd have to tell her in no uncertain terms that telling my children not to tell me about an incident is completely unacceptable and that it had better not ever happen again if she wanted to continue having a relationship with them.

 

I'd then tell her that your four year old is no longer allowed to visit her home for an indeterminate amount of time as 1) leaving him unsupervised by a pool (as in close supervision with an adult right there with him, not in the house) and 2) having another adult throw him in when he's barely more than a baby and can't swim is irresponsible, unsafe, and untrustworthy and that they should both know better.

[Carol in Cal.]

This is a flippin' safety issue. Not any old garden variety safety, but life and death type safety. No unsupervised visits until all kids can swim AND can be trusted to take responsibility to make sure that there is NEVER just one child in the pool alone. Never. People drown in 20 seconds. 20!!!

[Remudamom]

Maybe attempted murder is a stretch, but someone that stupid wouldn't be watching my kids.

[Nakia]

Overreacting?? Really?? A grown man threw a CHILD, who cannot swim, into a pool. The child could have DIED. This is serious.

[jujsky]

No, you are absolutely NOT over-reacting. This is #1 a safety issue and #2 a trust issue. She should NOT be asking your children to keep secrets from you -- by doing so she is breaking your trust and undermining your authority as a parent. Children should NOT be left unsupervised in a pool even if they are able to swim. What if one of them got a cramp? That happened to my uncle as a youngish-teen & my dad (an adult) was there to pull him out. It would be both difficult and dangerous for a child to attempt to rescue another child.

 

I have not read any of the responses. I'm sure you're going to get some telling you that you should be grateful that your ILs show such an active interest in your children, and some telling you to be grateful that you have ILs at all. They are not in your shoes -- I am. In fact, almost a year ago I wrote a similar post about MIL taking the kids to the pool without booster seats (after we had specifically told her not to on more than one occasion) and about her leaving my then 5 year-old, extremely impulsive, barely swimming little boy alone by the pool in our development while she took DD to the bathroom. While it's wonderful that your ILs, like mine, do take an active interest in their grandchildren, that does not negate the fact that they acted completely irresponsibly in this case, just as it did not negate the fact that my MIL acted completely irresponsibly a year ago.

 

A lot of people advised me not to do it, but I wrote MIL an e-mail telling her exactly why I was so upset with her. I recognized and praised her for loving her grandchildren and being such a huge part of their lives, and I left my complaints factual. I got the first true, heartfelt apology from her that I ever received. She told me she was wrong (words I never thought I'd hear), that she completely understood where I was coming from, and that it would never, ever happen again. I decided to give her another shot & she's kept her word. In fact (I hope I'm not jinxing myself here!) the past year has been fairly pleasant.

 

I hope it works out for you. Your anger is completely justified, but for the sake of your family you will need to either let it go, or you will need to find a way to confront your MIL. Keep in mind what you want to get out of a conversation with her. Venting on her may do more harm than good, but if you can keep calm & stick with the facts then she might accept what you have to say & turn things around.

[Cindyz]

So your mil was in the house but sfil was out by the pool with the kids? I'd be ok with that. At least one adult needs to be outside with the kids at all times.

 

As for the sfil throwing your child in the pool, how did your child feel about it? Was he laughing at the time? Or was he upset? While I would not want this to happen to my child again, I don't think it was really that bad. He was right there if your son needed help and could have jumped in to get him. I'm sure he wouldn't throw him in and let him drown in front of his eyes. He just didn't have to because your daughter happened to be right there. I think this is the typical kind of thing you can expect from a lot of Grandpas who think things like this are fun but really they aren't but they mean no harm. I would ask him to please not do it again but attempted murder? umm..no.

 

Telling the kids not to tell you about it is plain and simple wrong. You have a good relationship with your kids though because they did tell you so that is very good.

 

I would be more worried about the kids getting into the pool by themselves or falling in when nobody knows they are out there. Is the pool gated and locked at all times when they are not outside with an adult? My guess is that it's not because usually older people don't have these safety precautions.

 

If I were you, I'd start swimming lessons immediately for all who don't already know how to swim and I don't think I'd let them stay again until you're comfortable that they can swim on their own.

[Parrothead]

I do have all the kids signed up for swim lessons that start on June 1st. They were signed up before this. I just hope they haven't traumatized him when the teachers try bringing him in water over his head. We had just just gotten to the point where they didn't start the season out as an octopus around my neck. I would actually trust the 4yo out more than the 6yos as he is terrified of the water and won't go off the step without a grown up. The 6yos walk around the shallow end and have started "swimming" with their swimmies. They are much more likely to end up somewhere on accident and get in trouble. Either way we have ALWAYS expressed (to the kids and ILs) that a grown up had to be out with them and they were to sit on the edge until one came back out in the event the phone rang or whatever.

 

I agree, the trust has been broken. Grandma and Grandpa have messed up and will have to abide by what ever consequences you and you dh decide on - for the broken trust and for terrorizing the one that got thrown in the pool.

 

I'm glad you've got them signed up. And like you I really hope they will all go in the water.

 

We used to always live near water so I was anal about making sure dd could swim at an early age. We were in the water practically every single day from the time dd was old enough to walk. I've actually got a photo of her in a wading pool at 6 months old. Now, at 10 she is a very strong swimmer that I can trust in the deep end with very little supervision. I'd watch through the kitchen window. Because of our experiences I'm a bit more relaxed about the pool/lake than most.

 

That said, I don't know your kids so I based my posting on what I know about my kid. I really do hope swim lessons go great for all your kids.

Edited May 26, 2010 by Parrothead

[jenn-]

So your mil was in the house but sfil was out by the pool with the kids? I'd be ok with that. At least one adult needs to be outside with the kids at all times.

 

As for the sfil throwing your child in the pool, how did your child feel about it? Was he laughing at the time? Or was he upset? While I would not want this to happen to my child again, I don't think it was really that bad. He was right there if your son needed help and could have jumped in to get him. I'm sure he wouldn't throw him in and let him drown in front of his eyes. He just didn't have to because your daughter happened to be right there. I think this is the typical kind of thing you can expect from a lot of Grandpas who think things like this are fun but really they aren't but they mean no harm. I would ask him to please not do it again but attempted murder? umm..no.

 

Telling the kids not to tell you about it is plain and simple wrong. You have a good relationship with your kids though because they did tell you so that is very good.

 

I would be more worried about the kids getting into the pool by themselves or falling in when nobody knows they are out there. Is the pool gated and locked at all times when they are not outside with an adult? My guess is that it's not because usually older people don't have these safety precautions.

 

If I were you, I'd start swimming lessons immediately for all who don't already know how to swim and I don't think I'd let them stay again until you're comfortable that they can swim on their own.

 

This is pretty much how I feel with all of this situation when it all comes down to it. I think MIL just needs to be shaken up a bit as she has gotten a little too relaxed. When the boys were really little and she wanted to start watching them overnight we made her get a cover for her pool (it was winter). That spring she installed a screened in porch that had the handles way out of their reach. Even now they have to get a chair to reach the handle (well not the 10yo). Unfortunately with twins you can take the average security devices and cut their age they stop in half. One can always operate the first trigger while the other is hitting the second. :glare:

[Guest Katia]

I think as a mother you should follow your gut instincts to keep your children safe, and if it means banning the in-laws from keeping them alone, then that is what you have to do.

 

I did this with my MIL. Her daughter let her keep the grandkids for 6 weeks each summer and MIL thought I should do the same with my kids. I wasn't comfortable with it, but dh thought we should give it a try. We went to spend a few days with them to see how the kids got along with them, and I was very uncomfortable with the fact the MIL had hearing problems and couldn't understand the things my dc would say to her. Dh thought it was a silly issue, but the dc were very upset that grandma never knew what they were saying to her. We spent the rest of the week with them, and then we all went home. MIL was upset that we didn't leave the kids.........

 

The next week, SIL again left her kids with MIL (her mother) and two days later SIL called us, all upset. Seems her youngest dd ran to MIL upset, crying, yelling something over and over and MIL didn't understand what she was saying. MIL told her to calm down and take a drink of water and she'd be alright. The child kept screaming and screaming.......finally the child broke loose from MIL and ran to her room, frantically throwing things around and came out with her epi-pen. She had been stung by a bee and was severely allergic and even though she was only 4yo she knew she needed that epi-pen.....but MIL didn't understand her! At that moment a neighbor (who happened to be a nurse) came over, saw the child screaming and waving her epi-pen and administered it.

 

MIL was not worried about it in the least; it wasn't her fault she had hearing problems and that child needed to calm down and talk clearer was what she told us! Oh, and she knew the child was allergic, but had 'forgotten'. Dh looked and me and said it was a good thing I hadn't left our children with her.

 

You do what you have to do to keep them safe.

[Guest janainaz]

I would not want her watching my kids at all. Your child could have drown in their pool - it happens all the time. I had a situation like that happen at my parents house and I decided at that time that I would never ever allow another human being besides me or my dh to watch my kids around a pool. Everyone had been telling me to relax and chill out, and without going into the story that still makes me angry, I'll just say that you should be uptight an nervous when you allow other people to watch your kids around water. Especially people who like to keep secrets or tell your kids to keep a potentially fatal incident "hush hush".

 

Just reading what you wrote makes my blood boil at the nerve and the lack of honesty, integrity and total lack of responsibility by your in-laws. Letting your kids sneak an occassional piece of candy, or spoiling them in "grandparent" ways is one thing... but risking their lives and going against your wishes is a total disregard for you as a mother. I have zero tolerance for that.

Edited May 26, 2010 by janainaz

[MBM]

Would you allow a paid babysitter to do that to your children and then place them in the sitter's care again? IMO, you should not allow your children to be alone at their house again.

 

Btw, drowning is often silent. If your children are going to be around pools, they really need to know how to swim or at least how to turn over on their backs -- whatever it takes to prevent drowning. Floaties do not prevent drownings. There is also the possibility of a child breathing in just a tiny bit of water and later suffocating. It's called dry drowning. Weird, but it happens.

 

Your children are too precious to be watched by people so reckless with their lives.

 

We were in a similar situation with my MIL, too. Good luck.

[Carol in Cal.]

Btw, drowning is often silent.

 

 

It is silent. I saw a near drowning one time, and it was completely silent. The boy's parents were standing right at the side of the pool, and he had accidentally gotten over his head. I will never forget seeing him with his face just under the water, his mouth wide open, starting to gasp water in as his father realized that it was the youngest, not the second youngest, who was there (the second youngest could swim, and they looked very similar). I have never seen a man move so fast or heard a woman scream so loudly. Thankfully the father got to him in time. But it was so silent, and we were right there, 5 people who could all swim, chatting at the side of the pool, while he almost drowned less than 10 feet away.

[Teachin'Mine]

I will clear up that he was pulled out by his 10 yo sister who can swim decently. SFIL tossed him in where the pool slops, so although DS could not reach bottom and stand, DD could. Not trying to justify by any means, but he was not rescued by the one in floaties.

 

So he threw them into fairly shallow water where they could have gotten seriously hurt from hitting the bottom??? This could have been so much worse than it was. Do whatever you need to do to keep them safe.

[Harriet Vane]

No you're not over-reacting. I'd say under-reacting. This goes far beyond secret candy or a questionable TV show. I would never, ever leave my kids alone with these people again. Truly. I don't care how nice they are or how much they love the kids. Their choices are so unbelievably dangerous as to defy reason. Do not ever leave your children alone with them.

[Julie in CA]

Are these the people who raised your dh? :confused:

[Corraleno]

It would be hitting the fan around here. That's a kid's life, not a stinking piece of candy. I wouldn't let her watch them at all.

:iagree:

 

MIL tells the kids to keep secret from you the fact that her husband almost killed your son because she can't be bothered to supervise your children around her swimming pool, and your DH sees no reason to keep the kids away from her? Seriously??? :blink:

 

Jackie

[Peela]

Dh and I wouldnt rent a house with a swimming pool until youngest was 6 years old and ready to swim. Dh once pulled a drowned toddler from a swimming pool at a party when he was an adult teenager. He takes drowning very, very seriously. Drowning is silent. I recently watched a young kid who couldn't swim slip into the pool- and it really impacted me how easily it can happen- fortunately there were several adults watching in this case.

I dont think dh and I would actually allow our kids at anyone's house with a pool, without us, until they could well and truly swim. Even if the pool was well fenced etc. But, we didnt have family to contend with.

 

However, in your case, your dh has a say too, and the situation is borderline- and chances are MIL won't do it again, and chances are she will be more careful about using swimming floats etc. If I were you I would get your non swimmers into swimming lessons TOMORROW and make sure they can swim. Here in Australia most kids swim by school age- we are a swimming nation- and many learn to swim when younger. Since your dh is not as concerned as you are, I suggest you take action and get your kids all learning to swim (even and especially your 4yo). Meanwhile, they are too busy to attend MIL's. It could be a good compromise with your dh too. Then you can bypass the issue and not enter into more family dramas.

[Tess in the Burbs]

you know, you are Mom. years ago at my MIL's house I needed to take a nap with my youngest. There was no crib so I needed to lay on the TALL bed to make sure she wouldn't fall off. Leaving her on the floor wouldn't work since the house wasn't child proofed. I asked her and FIL to watch my oldest who was maybe 3 at the time....I knew he wouldn't nap in a new room.

 

I woke up an hour later. MIL is outside reading a book. FIL is sleeping in his room. My son is trashing the house. Alone. For who knows how long????

 

Dh wasn't with me but he was mad about it. We do not let our kids stay with his family AT ALL. No excuses. I have heard some horror stories about his negligent parents from MIL's own mom!

 

so it comes back to you. You are mom. Don't let you inlaws take the kids without you or dh around. If you are used to the freedom it will be an adjustment. After sticking around more they may step up to your standards of care. I will tell you that some kids in our neighborhood being raised by grandparents have freedom to do anything with no supervision. I think it's the generation and you can't change them.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

If you ever do forgive them for these serious lapses in judgment and allow the kids to be alone with them again, I would make certain that everyone involved, including the kids, knows that they are NEVER to be in the pool area without you or dh EVER again. There is no excuse for what they did, and it could very easily have turned into a much worse situation.