Help me brainstorm ideas about vacationing with an older child who wets the bed...

[*********]

Dss is 13, and still wets at night at least half the time. We don't make a big deal of it; he just changes as soon as he gets up, and puts all wet things in the wash. We know it is hereditary (his mother informed me that she and her siblings had the same issue well into early teenage years). We know it is a medical condition, and he will likely outgrow it eventually. It's not even something we really ever discuss anymore, except with a few words of encouragement on mornings that I notice he stayed dry. We've tried medication, and it did not work.

 

He stopped wearing any sort of pullup/overnight absorbent pants a few years ago. Dh decided that it was just not appropriate for him to wear 'diapers'. Dh is uncomfortable with it, and ds didn't seem to care one way or the other.

 

Well, here's my dilemma...

 

We're finally getting to take a few short vacations this year, after not being able to take a real vacation in a few years. So what do I do about ds wetting while we're away? For example, we're planning on spending a week at a cabin on the beach. I realize I can bring a plastic sheet to protect the mattress, but I'm not at all thrilled about having to spend time at a laundromat 4 or 5 times while on vacation. And trust me, the sheets, blankets, and pajamas that ds is using when he wets the bed MUST be washed that day. He soaks them, and they smell. :tongue_smilie:

 

So I mentioned last night to dh that I was going to buy a package of absorbent disposable underpants for older kids that dss could use just for while we're on vacation. And dh said absolutely not; he just felt it would be too emarrassing for dss. Now, obviously dh is the one 'embarrased' by the idea, seeing as he didn't even ask dss. :glare: However, dh made it clear that it was not up for discussion.

 

Without getting into the whole 'dh should not get to decide this by himself' side of the argument, ;), can anyone give me any suggestions of other possible solutions? I was thinking maybe I could get dss some briefs (he wears boxers right now), and have him wear them with something absorbent inside them that could either be washed or disposed of? Something similar to the idea of a cloth feminine pad, or even maybe a disposable thing like a bladder control pad? I'm thinking these might be more 'acceptable' to dh.

 

Anyone have any btdt, or ideas, or advice? I really, REALLY don't want to be doing laundry on vacation!

[JFSinIL]

Buy the Depends (or whatever they are called) and stow them in the car where hubby won't see them (unless you are sure there will be a store nearby where you can get them.) Then let hubby know that if the boy has an accident, HUBBY gets to go to the laundromat.

 

I'd also ask the boy his opinion - would he rather use the pull-ups, or spent time with Dad at the laundromat. Just be matter-of-fact about it , not punitive.

 

After one afternoon spent at the laundromat, I am sure hubby will relent about the pull-ups.

[Chris in VA]

I guess you could try a Depends type undergarment, or a pad of some sort. What does your son say could be a solution he'd be comfortable with? I think it's time to put the ball in his court.

[Lara in Colo]

have dh wash the sheets for a week.

 

Lara

[ChristusG]

I don't see many options. I'd definitely go with the "if there's laundry to do, hubby needs to sit in the laundromat" option. The Depends would be the way to go.

[*********]

Ladies, TRUST me, I'm right there with you with the 'make dh/dss responsible for clean up'. But here's the issue; dh and dss will pretend that the problem doesn't exist.

 

I can see the following scenario happening...

 

Dss wets. He gets up in the morning, changes his clothes, puts his wet clothes (hopefully) wherever I've told him that dirty clothes go. Then, when bedtime comes, he's got wet, smelly sheets and blankets to sleep in, because him and dh decided to pretend that nothing happened. Plus, the smell of urine-soaked sheets will have to be endured by us all, all day long, because they decide to pretend like nothing's wrong.

 

I'm serious. I'm just being honest. It *will* be my responsibility to take care of it. It just will. 'Cause I'm just not willing to smell stinky sheets, or let dss sleep in filth. I"m just not. Even if he's ok with it; even if dh is ok with it.

 

I'm assuming that 'depends' will fall in the category of 'diapers' to dh.

 

Yes, I realize the whole situation indicates that both dh and dss don't have a healthy way of dealing with it all. I'm not asking for help with that (since it would be against board rules to bash my dh, which I'm desparately trying to avoid). I just need suggestions, other than disposable underwear, that would work, and be minimal work for me. :)

[lvbnhome]

Have you asked him what he wants to do?

 

My ds has a friend that spends the night occasionally. His mother shared with me that her son also has this issue, which she has done extensive research on...(they usually outgrow it, once finished with puberty)...Certainly Kegals can even help boys :)

Anyway, he just brings his adult diapers and puts them on at night...and puts it in the trash in the morning.

 

It was his decision.

 

I think it allows a person to feel empowered, when they see they have something they have to make a choice on, and then are given options. :) this is what i love about my job...a midwife :) hope this helps.

[Wheres Toto]

This sounds like a tough situation. :grouphug:

I agree with the others about asking you dss what he wants to do but sounds like your dh may veto his choice anyway.

 

Have you thought about a waterproof pad (the non-fitted kind) placed across the bed on top of the sheets? They have soft, flannel-like cloth ones that can be laid across the middle portion of the bed. Might not work if your dss is a very restless sleeper but its worth a shot (maybe safety pin it to the sides of the sheets). Bring enough for the week you are away and just seal each wet one in a bag to wash when you get home (you may want to rinse them first).

 

Edited to add: there are also disposable pads that can be laid across the bed on top of the sheets. They are used often in convalescent homes. They are not as soft as the cloth pads and would be harder to fasten to the sheets to stay in place but its another possibility.

Edited May 19, 2010 by dottieanna29

[hornblower]

There are disposable bed pads but I'm not sure how well they'll work on their own. usually they're used in addition to an incontinence brief.

 

http://www.1800wheelchair.com/asp/view-product2.asp?product_id=1457

 

The parameters of your question make it difficult to offer any other suggestions.

 

I do think your dh should not be in on this discussion if he's not willing to get his hand out of the sand.

 

This is your dss's issue. It is reasonable to expect that hotel or other lodging beddings will not be soiled like this & if he brings his own bedding, he will need to take responsibility for it.

 

Does he do his own laundry now? If not, have him start. It's not punishment, it's life.

 

If he's used to doing this laundry at home, it will be natural for him to take care of it on holidays too.

 

During the holidays I'd also limit his intake of fluids after a certain hour so that the amount of liquid is somewhat lessened.

 

And I'd just tell dss that he needs to be prepared to deal with it & that he can choose how to deal with it but HE has to deal with it. You can offer to support him by paying for any supplies & the laundromat.

[Tap]

There are disposable bed pads but I'm not sure how well they'll work on their own. usually they're used in addition to an incontinence brief.

 

http://www.1800wheelchair.com/asp/view-product2.asp?product_id=1457

 

 

 

 

This was my thought too. You can layer them to give extra protection. Maybe a trial run before the trip would be a good gauge for it they would work or not.

 

Then have him sleep in light weight cotton pjs that can be soaked in a bucket with deodorizer (like cloth baby diapers) and just washed the last day so you don't have to smell them on the trip home. Or even hand washed and hung over the towel bar to dry each day.

 

You can probably find a lightweight quick dry blanket for him also. A synthetic blanket would most likely be the least absorbent and the easiest to hang dry.

 

Have you ever had luck with waking him at night to help him be more successful at staying dry? Even one extra dry morning may be worth it on vacation!

[JoyfulMama]

Chux (the disposable bed pads) are absorbant, but not as much as you might need. Also, by the sounds of how wet the bed clothes all are, he might be a very active sleeper, in which case the chux might not be too effective.

 

However, I do like the ideas of involving your ds in the daily process, as it would allow him to understand your daily process. Not as punishment, but as daily personal care. If at home your ds is responsible for stripping his clothes and bedding, and taking them directly to the washer, and starting it, then it would suffice that he could also have this responsibility when you are away from home. Most camp grounds and hotels have laundry on site, which your dh might walk to with your son if ds is already accustomed to this part of morning chores. (I'm being hopeful.)

 

I think the idea shared about a quick dry blanket and pjs to hang might be a great suggestion! Take some clothesline to make an inside place to hang it after washed for the day, or outside if that is available. A larger blanket could act as bottom and top covers, which would be only one thing to wash.

 

Growing up I had a friend with a similar problem. His mom required him to be responsible for his bed, but didn't have much patience with him. He used a lot of Lysol, instead. :ack2:

[Tabrett]

Look at these. Would dh know it wasn't regular underware if ds wore them at night? If he put them in his suit case and just changed into them before bed?

 

http://www.nursinghomeapparel.com/shop/Mens_Inc_briefs.html

 

Or maybe you could take some of your ds regular underware and sew in folded cloth diapers to immitate the underware I linked too.

Edited May 19, 2010 by Tabrett

[ereks mom]

Chux (the disposable bed pads) are absorbant, but not as much as you might need. Also, by the sounds of how wet the bed clothes all are, he might be a very active sleeper, in which case the chux might not be too effective.

 

However, I do like the ideas of involving your ds in the daily process, as it would allow him to understand your daily process. Not as punishment, but as daily personal care. If at home your ds is responsible for stripping his clothes and bedding, and taking them directly to the washer, and starting it, then it would suffice that he could also have this responsibility when you are away from home. Most camp grounds and hotels have laundry on site, which your dh might walk to with your son if ds is already accustomed to this part of morning chores. (I'm being hopeful.)

 

I think the idea shared about a quick dry blanket and pjs to hang might be a great suggestion! Take some clothesline to make an inside place to hang it after washed for the day, or outside if that is available. A larger blanket could act as bottom and top covers, which would be only one thing to wash.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

And also check out Poise pads

[Geo]

have dh wash the sheets for a week.

 

Lara

 

 

:rofl:....not just funny, but to the point. This would settle the situation once and for all. Really.

 

 

Geo

[cougarmom4]

Ah...what a sensitive issue for dss13 to be dealing with. You are sweet to be trying to not embarrass him.

 

I'd suggest that you talk privately, matter-of-factly, and directly with dss13 and ask if he has any ideas how you can make the vacation more enjoyable/pleasant if an accident were to happen. Perhaps buy some of the briefs that have been mentioned and have them ready to show him as a possible solution. He could wear them under his normal underwear and nobody else would know anything about it. Or mention that you could bring a 5 gallon bucket for him to do a hand-load of laundry in the bathroom & hang things around the hotel in the morning & re-make the bed that evening if an accident occurs.

 

Come up with a few possibilities and then let dss choose which one he'd like to use on vacation.

[Lolly]

Do you already have reservations? If not, I would suggest making sure that you get a cabin with a washer/dryer if that is at all possible. (All the beach cabins we've rented have them.) Then, bring the plastic sheet and let ds deal with them.

 

But, honestly, this is one area I would go against my dh. I would consult withe ds. He can put his private things in his bag along with some small trashbags and dispose of his wet disposable undergarment in the morning. I wouldn't mention it to dh at all.

[Embassy]

Some ideas:

 

Put a thick wool pad on the bed. Wool is naturally absorbent. Something like this maybe? You can hang the wool to dry during the day. It can be reused without washing for about a week. I would get 2 pads though in case one is not dry by bedtime. This would reduce some laundry anyway.

 

Also I would wake him several times during the night to visit the bathroom.

[cjbeach]

WE have a nursing home bedpad whichis awesome but my dd is so wiggly in her sleep we've had misses. I'd definitely take a waterproof mattress cover to protect the mattress then either a bedpad or some chucks for the bed. My dd (7) has had an ongoing issue with enuresis until we tried a nighttime dose of magnesium (learned through a post on this board about Magnesium for enuresis).

[Another Lynn]

I have one who has had the same issue past "typical" age. When he spends the night with my parents, they wake him up once during the middle of the night to go to the restroom and he has never had an accident there. I know you don't want to lose sleep during vacation, but it might solve all your other problems (pullups, laundry, etc.) if you got him up once during the night? A little loss of sleep for a lot of peace might be a decent trade off :)

[myfunnybunch]

Have you asked your dss how he'd like to handle it? .

 

In this situation, I would take along Depends, disposable sheets (Maybe a layer of 2 sheets would do?) and some extra clothing/bedding so you could bag one set and take two sets to wash at a time instead of potentially going to the laundromat every day. That way dss has some options as to how he'd like to handle it. At 13, he's old enough to decide whether he'd rather use a Depends or hang out at the laundromat

 

In your shoes, I'd probably let dh know that if there's laundry to be done, he can take dss to do it, but I understand why you might not choose that. Sounds like your dh really struggles with this issue.

 

Dss is old enough to be gently guided to start taking care of it himself--stripping the bed, getting the bedding and clothing washed. At home, too, not just on vacation. It may not help with the actual bed-wetting, but it may help give him a sense of responsibility and control, which might help a little with the embarrassment.

 

:grouphug: You're a good stepmom (and wife).

 

Cat

[*********]

I haven't had a chance to talk to my dss about it yet; I just thought of the issue last night, and won't see him until this evening. Of course I'll talk to him about it, but I wanted some ideas to offer him.

 

I'm thinking that making or buying some washable, absorbent underwear may be the way to go. I've been looking on-line, and it seems pretty easy to replicate them. They're made for adults with incontinence problems, and they're reusable instead of disposable. And we can just seal them up in a platsic bag until I have a chance to wash them. I think dh will be comfortable with them, since they just look like regular briefs, instead of like big diapers. I'll also bring a waterproof sheet for the bed, just in case.

 

ETA: Whatever is decided, it will be with dh, dss, and I all coming to an agreement of how it will be handled. While I'm not going to let them go with the 'let's just ignore it and maybe the problem will magically go away on it's own' solution that they tend towards, I'm also not comfortable with either hiding something from my dh or 'overriding' his opinion. If we can't come to an agreement, then I guess I'll be doing laundry every day or every other day. Which is not what I want, but is not the worst thing in the world, either, in the grand scheme of life. :)

 

Thanks for all the ideas ladies!

Edited May 19, 2010 by bethanyniez

[JFSinIL]

Ladies, TRUST me, I'm right there with you with the 'make dh/dss responsible for clean up'. But here's the issue; dh and dss will pretend that the problem doesn't exist.

 

I can see the following scenario happening...

 

Dss wets. He gets up in the morning, changes his clothes, puts his wet clothes (hopefully) wherever I've told him that dirty clothes go. Then, when bedtime comes, he's got wet, smelly sheets and blankets to sleep in, because him and dh decided to pretend that nothing happened. Plus, the smell of urine-soaked sheets will have to be endured by us all, all day long, because they decide to pretend like nothing's wrong.

 

I'm serious. I'm just being honest. It *will* be my responsibility to take care of it. It just will. 'Cause I'm just not willing to smell stinky sheets, or let dss sleep in filth. I"m just not. Even if he's ok with it; even if dh is ok with it.

 

I'm assuming that 'depends' will fall in the category of 'diapers' to dh.

 

Yes, I realize the whole situation indicates that both dh and dss don't have a healthy way of dealing with it all. I'm not asking for help with that (since it would be against board rules to bash my dh, which I'm desparately trying to avoid). I just need suggestions, other than disposable underwear, that would work, and be minimal work for me. :)

 

Take a pup tent and make ds and dh sleep outside. OR - make dh and ds share a bed. When dh is peed on....

[chiguirre]

What does your dss do at his mom's house? Does he wear Good Nights there or wash his stuff every day? Does he normally use a bed pad? I'd follow his protocol there if at all possible. I'd also do my best to treat this as a medical inconvenience rather than an embarassment.

[Oakblossoms]

Have you tried eliminating dairy from his diet? All of it. It often affects the lining or the opening (I cannot remember which) of the bladder. It causes some kind of disruption that causes bedwetting.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I would step my foot down with your dh since he is very wrong on this issue IMHO and I think it will be less embarrassing to wake up to a dry bed by using the depends which millions of bladder impaired adults use with dignity. It is an assault to one's dignity to be forced to wake up to a wet bed every day IMHO as a nurse. Plus urine is caustic to the skin so it is not good to let it get all over the skin like that as well. Keeping dry preserves one's dignity IMHO. There is nothing to be ashamed about in regards to bladder problems. It is a physical problem and you dh will not allow him appropriate measures to preserve his dignity IMHO:(

 

Is your husband under the mistaken notion that waking up wet every day will train your son not to wet the bed since that is a fallacy as well?

:grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I haven't had a chance to talk to my dss about it yet; I just thought of the issue last night, and won't see him until this evening. Of course I'll talk to him about it, but I wanted some ideas to offer him.

 

I'm thinking that making or buying some washable, absorbent underwear may be the way to go. I've been looking on-line, and it seems pretty easy to replicate them. They're made for adults with incontinence problems, and they're reusable instead of disposable. And we can just seal them up in a platsic bag until I have a chance to wash them. I think dh will be comfortable with them, since they just look like regular briefs, instead of like big diapers. I'll also bring a waterproof sheet for the bed, just in case.

 

ETA: Whatever is decided, it will be with dh, dss, and I all coming to an agreement of how it will be handled. While I'm not going to let them go with the 'let's just ignore it and maybe the problem will magically go away on it's own' solution that they tend towards, I'm also not comfortable with either hiding something from my dh or 'overriding' his opinion. If we can't come to an agreement, then I guess I'll be doing laundry every day or every other day. Which is not what I want, but is not the worst thing in the world, either, in the grand scheme of life. :)

 

Thanks for all the ideas ladies!

Depends do look like underwear and are much better at protecting the skin since they keep the skin virtually dry. They slip on and off like underwear. There are also inserts for underwear that may work, but you will have to see if they work just as well for men.

[JustGin]

You might try these: http://www.amazon.com/Waterproof-Reusable-Underwear-Drymid-Boxer/dp/B001I82AAG

 

I bought and used these for two of my dc who were both over 9 before they were always dry at night. They wouldn't be hard to wash out in a motel sink and hang to dry.

[Allearia]

What does he want to do? Would he be open to trying one of the alarm type systems before vacation? My ds8 really wanted to be dry at night even though we had never made a big deal of it, and he wore pullups and sometimes would still have a wet bed. Within 4 nights of using the underwear alarm system he was dry and has been dry for two months with no relapses.

 

This is similar to the one we used:

http://bedwettingstore.com/Bedwetting_Alarms/rodger_wireless_bedwetting_alarm.html

[Teachin'Mine]

Have you tried not allowing drinks after about 6 PM? I've also heard that sometimes sleeping somewhere else can actually help the person to have dry nights. Friends of ours did the no drinks after 6PM for their granddaughter and it helped a lot. Don't they also have alarms that go off when moisture is sensed? If he could wake up, then the problem maybe could be avoided.

[EKS]

How about having your husband go to the laundromat to wash the sheets?

 

Or, alternately, you could rent a cabin with a washer and dryer.

 

ETA: It would help if I would look at the responses before posting.

Edited May 20, 2010 by EKS

[Smithie]

Eh.

 

There are really two people involved here - your stepson who wets the bed, and you who changes the sheets. Preserving his privacy and dignity by addressing the issue without bringing in his dad for a roundtable is probably the right thing to do.

 

And if you put it to your husband in just that way, he might agree. He may have never considered the fact that your stepson might prefer to keep this between himself and the Mom figure in the house.

[BlessedMom]

You might consider speaking to your dss pediatrician. Our pediatrician prescribed a nose spray that we used only for short vacations & overnight trips. It was very effective.

 

Hope this helps.