Just got a lecture about homeschooling...

[Mommamia]

An old friend just told me(in an almost yelling tone) that she feels that homeschooling is wrong because her dc are getting so much out of ps. Those were her exact words. She said that her dc learn team spirit, how to act in a group, they get 45 minute art lessons, music...she went on and on. I replied "that's great, I'm glad you are happy with your choice. We are happy with our choice. Everything you mentioned...homeschoolers can have as well." It was a long and somewhat heavy conversation that has me totally drained.

 

I have had some insecurities floating around in my head lately(about homeschooling)and her words just made them stronger. I know that homeschooling is wonderful, I see the benefits, I love it(most days:glare:)

....but I still worry that my kids may not be prepared for the real world.

 

Even as I write this, I'm telling myself of course they will. Could you share a bit of encouragement for me? :bigear:

[JoyfulMama]

You do what is best for your family. She can do what is best for her family. Maybe she's trying to convince herself that SHE is doing the right thing. :grouphug:

[NanceXToo]

Your kids are already in the real world ;)

 

They will be fine. Don't let her get to you.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your kids will learn a team spirit that is much more lasting - their team will be your family, not the Tigers or the Mustangs or the whatevers.

 

Your kids will learn to act in a group. And on their own. Do you not belong to any groups at all? It might be a homeschool group but it might also be cub scouts, or Sunday school or the Early Music Guild. . .

 

You can do art for 1 1/2 hours if you want. . . or music. . . or you can do it much more quickly because they don't have to wait for the paper to be handed out, and then the paintbrushes, and then paints. . .

 

If you (or your friend) sees a negative situation in the school (perhaps a bad teacher for 3rd grade?) then you would have to call the principal and talk to them, and perhaps if you really wanted to push it the school board etc. and honestly most of the time it would not change.

 

If you see a negative situation in your homeschool you have choices. You can change your spelling to a book more suited to your little guy. You can choose to outsource science or make whatever changes are just right for you and your family.

 

:grouphug:

[m4given]

:grouphug: Your friend's opinion is one opinion out of many, many opinions. If it's working for you to homeschool at this time, please enjoy your decision to do so.

 

I've known kids who turned out quite well -- all with different types of schooling. Some in my own family & some not.

 

You sound like a very caring parent & thus will continue to assess what is working & not working for YOUR family.

 

Try your best to let her words run like water off your back (similar to a duck in water). It sounds like your old friend was not taking your feelings into consideration.

 

I'm sorry you had this confrontation.

[Peela]

Your kids are in the real world.

 

Mine are teens and very capable and competent in the "real world".

 

Its amazing when we have insecurities, others pick up on them and throw them back on us so we can see them really clearly!

 

Have you met many homeschooled kids who are a bit older? For me, seeing other homeschooled kids mostly reassured me that they dont tend to turn out wierd hot house flowers at all- they more tend to turn out very self assured and capable, but with a lot less stress and competition and dog eat dog in them. Just themselves. It was reassuring to me that they didnt all turn out geeky, withdrawn, pale, socially incompetent- quite the opposite! Have you had conversations with homeschooled kids? My experience has often been quite taken aback by how maturely they can converse with me. And others say that about my kids. My stepMIL is encouraging her daughter to homeschool because of how my kids have turned out, I just found out!

 

As far as team spirit goes...that is one side of the coin, and your friend is choosing to notice that side. The other side is the back biting competitive spirit that is fostered in group situation, where some always get left behind and others get all the attention. Where not every kid feels their needs are met at all.

 

My kids are not isolated- they have been part of various groups over their childhood. Team spirit is not only enoucraged in school. Its also something we need in our families, and in any group.

 

Your kids are getting your undivided attention. Attention is love, to a child. You are meeting their emotional needs in a way school cannot hope to.

[Greta]

I'm sorry your friend was so rude. Perhaps she is feeling more insecure about her choice than she is letting on. But please don't let her insecurity become contagious!

 

Honestly, I attended PS from K through 12, and I can't think of much that it did to prepare me for the real world. Homeschooling can potentially do a much better job of that, in my opinion. Much of what goes on in PS is mere crowd control. Your children will have potentially much more time to devote not only to academics, but also to sports, hobbies, charity/volunteer work, apprenticeships, and loads of other things. They will have opportunities to interact with a wide variety of people, not merely those from the same part of town and born in the same year. When you think about it, it's rather . . . strange to rely upon the local public school to supply so many of a child's needs, but that's what people are accustomed to in our society. You have a LOT more resources to draw upon than just the local school -- there's a whole world out there!

[amydavis]

Your kids will learn a team spirit that is much more lasting - their team will be your family, not the Tigers or the Mustangs or the whatevers.

 

Your kids will learn to act in a group. And on their own. Do you not belong to any groups at all? It might be a homeschool group but it might also be cub scouts, or Sunday school or the Early Music Guild. . .

 

You can do art for 1 1/2 hours if you want. . . or music. . . or you can do it much more quickly because they don't have to wait for the paper to be handed out, and then the paintbrushes, and then paints. . .

 

If you (or your friend) sees a negative situation in the school (perhaps a bad teacher for 3rd grade?) then you would have to call the principal and talk to them, and perhaps if you really wanted to push it the school board etc. and honestly most of the time it would not change.

 

If you see a negative situation in your homeschool you have choices. You can change your spelling to a book more suited to your little guy. You can choose to outsource science or make whatever changes are just right for you and your family.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

What she said!

You are making a decision to do what's right for your children and your family. I am betting that she feels insecure about HER choices, and therefore feels the need to defend ps. Just reassure her that you are sure that her choices are as right for her family, as your choices are for yours. And most importantly, do not let her cause you to doubt what you know is working for you and your family.

:grouphug:

[Pippen]

An old friend just told me(in an almost yelling tone) that she feels that homeschooling is wrong because her dc are getting so much out of ps. Those were her exact words.

 

....

 

Could you share a bit of encouragement for me? :bigear:

 

Tell her just because her children are having a wonderful experience doesn't mean that it translates to every other child. Not all situations are the same, not all school experiences are right for every child, not all families or schools are the same.

 

I ran into one of my daughter's former teachers last week and she said she wouldn't send her kids to the school she worked in either. We're both really sad about it too. :(

[Orthodox6]

If you were spiteful -- which you are not ! :) -- you could list for the woman exactly what her children are "getting out of public school" ! :D

[Photo Ninja]

If you were feeling snarky (and it's probably good you weren't), you could have used her own words and replied, "Well, I feel ps is wrong because my dc are getting so much out of hsing".

 

Really, that statement makes as much sense as her's.

 

I hope her dc's ps experience continued to be beneficial. And you know your hsing experience is beneficial to your dc. And that's key.

 

You are doing what is best for your dc, and you don't need anyone else to affirm it in order for it to be true!

[delaney]

Send her to our elementary. She'll change her tune. She just needs to have a good ole fashion experience with a bad teacher.

[KnitWit]

"Gee, dear friend, I don't recall asking your opinion, or advice, but thanks for sharing."

[Kathleen in VA]

I agree with the others who said she may be insecure. Why such a protest? She must be feeling very, very insecure about her choice. This is a very common way for folks to respond when they are second-guessing their own decisions. She's probably jealous and is trying to convince herself that she's doing the right thing.

[G5052]

I don't engage when I get this type of argument because it really doesn't go anywhere.

 

Bottom line, you know what is best for your family. Don't let anyone talk you out of that.

[Karen in CO]

You know this reminded me of the conversation I had with a friend at work today. He invited me for pizza for lunch which I declined. He asked what I was having, and he commented that he could never live on so little food and asked why I was eating "Just shrimp and salad" since I "obviously didn't need to be on a diet." He tried to turn his insecurities about his eating choices into a problem with MY food choices.

 

I've noticed this a lot of times about homeschooling too. People will often feel threatened by choices that are so different than their own as if by making a choice outside of the ordinary you are questioning the validity of their choices and their parenting.

 

And for encouragement - my homeschool graduate of a dear son is chatting on skype with his girlfriend in CA. They are both home from school in Japan. He spent the day doing homeschool lessons with his sisters then took them to play mini golf.

[stripe]

You know this reminded me of the conversation I had with a friend at work today. He invited me for pizza for lunch which I declined. He asked what I was having, and he commented that he could never live on so little food and asked why I was eating "Just shrimp and salad" since I "obviously didn't need to be on a diet." He tried to turn his insecurities about his eating choices into a problem with MY food choices.

I totally agree. It's even worse for those who drink and seem threatened by those who don't.

 

I don't understand how her children's experience guarantees that your children's would be equally fantastic. It's a bit like telling someone "you should stay married because my husband is so fantastic!"

[Karis]

Sometimes those who send their children to public school need to justify why even if you don't ask. Maybe they think homeschoolers feel superior and they need to point out the reasons why THEIR choice is the better choice.

 

So they can feel superior.

[Mommamia]

Thank you, thank you!!

 

What a great bunch of encouragement before I go off to bed. My skin is getting thicker and thicker..or...at least I'm getting less insecure about our choice to homeschool:001_smile:

 

Homeschooling rocks...and don't let me forget it:tongue_smilie:

[jenL]

 

I don't understand how her children's experience guarantees that your children's would be equally fantastic. It's a bit like telling someone "you should stay married because my husband is so fantastic!"

 

 

:iagree: I need to remember this line whenever I get grief from others about my choice.

 

Always remember this is YOUR choice for YOUR children. Ps is not all rosy... I don't know how many more years your friend's children have, but they may hit a wall at some point, and their perfect experience may not be so wonderful anymore. Granted, it may also stay wonderful, but that does not change the amazing education and experience you are providing for your children in the real world. :D

[Teachin'Mine]

You're doing awesome!!! Keep up the good work - your sons will thank you years from now. :001_smile: Their wives will thank you years from now too. :lol:

[elegantlion]

I hate it when people try to negate my choice by proclaiming how well theirs is working. You know what it's not either or, her dc may be getting a great ps education. That doesn't mean homeschooling doesn't work. Sheesh!

 

Whatever your educational vehicle I hope we feel it's working for us. I drive a GMC, that doesn't mean I think my dad's Ford is any way an unfit vehicle. Different vehicles for different tastes.

[Starr]

All I can figure is that they are worried about their own choices when they trash ours. Don't give up what you believe is best for your children.

[Carol in Cal.]

Just being in the same room with her while I cooked meat made me feel anxious. It was in MY head, not her manner, but I felt judged. That's because I was 22 :001_smile:. Now that I'm older and more secure, I can let someone be themselves and still feel good about being myself, even if we are different. Your friend needs to learn this, and maybe she will do so in time. In the meantime, unless you are saying that everyone should homeschool, you're in the right and she's wrong. That's it!

[Alphabetika]

Your kids are already in the real world ;)

 

They will be fine. Don't let her get to you.

 

:iagree: Your kids are being prepared for the real world by being in the real world. If school is what prepares kids for the real world, it's because school *becomes* their real world. Keep your kids free.

[TCoppock]

An old friend just told me(in an almost yelling tone) that she feels that homeschooling is wrong because her dc are getting so much out of ps. Those were her exact words. She said that her dc learn team spirit, how to act in a group, they get 45 minute art lessons, music...she went on and on. I replied "that's great, I'm glad you are happy with your choice. We are happy with our choice. Everything you mentioned...homeschoolers can have as well." It was a long and somewhat heavy conversation that has me totally drained.

 

I have had some insecurities floating around in my head lately(about homeschooling)and her words just made them stronger. I know that homeschooling is wonderful, I see the benefits, I love it(most days:glare:)

....but I still worry that my kids may not be prepared for the real world.

 

Even as I write this, I'm telling myself of course they will. Could you share a bit of encouragement for me? :bigear:

 

I think this was a perfect response. You are absolutely correct homeschoolers do have all of these same opportunities. I think as a homeschooler you have even MORE opportunities to offer your children. The biggest advantage I see over public school is you are able to adjust your schedule to your child's needs.

[hsmom2girls]

We'll if you want your kids to specialize in;

 

- Bullying 101

- Disrespectfulness 100

- Curse Words 200

- Drug Testing Basics

- Sex Education (Down the Hall Way/and at the Locker Style)

 

"just to name a few" then

 

Public school is a perfect choice. Sure PS students do get to do art, music, etc. but they are bombarded with peers that have no home training, are disrespectful, disprutive, etc. There are more children there that "don't want to learn" and take up time by interrupting the class with smart jokes, etc. just to get laughs. They may learn math, english, etc. but there is also a lot of time wasted dealing with kids that don't want to learn.

 

So sure the students in PS seem like they are having it good but at what cost?

 

Homeschool allows the children to focus "on learning" and is probably why most HS kids finish all 12 grades ahead of their PS peers

 

My twins were in Kindergarten when I pulled them from PS. They are 8 years old now.

 

It hurt me tremendously to see one put her head in her lap and cry when the weekend was over and say "don't send me back there" the kids are mean, etc.

 

The other twins would lay in bed and cry nightly. She would grind her teeth while sleeping so loud I could hear her in my bed room. One day she came home and I went to hang up her clothes and she said "No don't hang them up someone spit on me today" you need to wash it.

 

She said she told the teacher but she didn't do anything.

 

When they were taken out of PS they blossomed. The teeth grinding and crying episode at night stopped.

 

It was a crazy, rushed environment I don't miss it a bit and they don't either.

 

You are going to get a lot of people telling you that "hsing" is wrong, etc. They have been brainwashed to believe "only strangers" that know "nothing about your children" are better qualified to teach them than you are. :thumbdown:

[....]

:iagree: My two oldest kids went to ps and they have NEVER asked to go back.

[daisychics]

I had a mom in my daughter's martial arts class ask me where she went to school. I told her that she was homeschooled. She looked at me and said "Oh, I supplement at home." O-kay?! I wasn't trying to offend her or anything. :lol:

[Lizzie in Ma]

Don't sweat it, everyone reacts differently and it isn't your problem. :grouphug:

[Guest CarolineUK]

Given the strength of feeling you indicate your friend showed I wonder if something else is going on here. I've had a couple of issues with friends over the past few months since starting to homeschool, and they've mainly stemmed from the fact that I've neglected them quite a bit simply because almost every second of my time seems to revolve around school. Maybe she was throwing a bit of a tantrum to try to get your attention! It's certainly worked if that were the case ...:lol:

[PiCO]

....but I still worry that my kids may not be prepared for the real world.

 

My kids are now in public school, due to issues beyond my control. They are having excellent experiences so far- thanks to charter schools. BUT- don't fool yourself into thinking public school is anything like the real world.

 

Where in the real world do people raise their hand and ask to go to the bathroom?

 

When else are people segregated by age, and only associate with people whose birthdays are within one year of each other?

 

When else are you expected to learn to deal with a bully? You can choose not to work for an abusive boss, but in school you are expected to deal with it.

 

There are so many examples of this if you think about it. I truly believe that the public school system is made to prepare people for repetitive, boring, factory work.

[Embassy]

Just look at the research! Go here to view a study on adults who had been homeschooled. It compared people who had been homeschooled to the general population.

 

I wrote about some of the specifics of the study here.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

One of my good friends from college is a school psychologist. I was a little nervous telling him that I was going to homeschool the kids. But he said to me, "I don't know about elementary school, but public high schools are the pits of he--. I barely want to go there every day. It's no wonder the kids don't want to be there, either."

 

Very reassuring!

[stripe]

My husband was told by a friend of his that a lot of people think they want to homeschool their kids but then stop because its so much work. I told him -- who said you have to homeschool forever anyway? Why is one year of homeschooling a "failure" or somehow show that you couldn't cut it. Sometimes things are better for certain circumstances or times, for that matter. It's not a lifetime commitment (is it?). I never trash local public/charter/private schools, so I don't understand the whole competition thing. (I did have a friend of mine try to scare me in enrolling in the private school she works at after the decision involving middle schools in Maine distributing birth control. I found that equally irrelevant and offensive, since my children are not middle school aged and we don't live in Maine.)

 

I just don't see what one person's experience necessarily has to do with another's. I think people must be very insecure. They get defensive before people even attack!

 

(Did I mention I have a homeschooling relative who won't discuss homeschooling with me? Even though I've tried to bring it up several times?)

[ChristyM]

I think it is good to realize that ps kids will potentially enjoy some advantages over hs children. For instance, in some cases ps children can receive a breadth of exposure to subjects that we may just not get to at home. But this is fine, of course. It does not mean you switch courses mid-stream. What you are doing is valuable and worth your investment.

 

I think that you have a sense of what is best for your children at this point in life. I would extend grace to your friend by being patient and not returning evil for evil. I would try to not judge her motives and own insecurities. I would try and express thankfulness for her concern and input. It is also OK to acknowledge that ps children can have great options and experiences while standing firm in what you feel called to.

[elegantlion]

My kids are now in public school, due to issues beyond my control. They are having excellent experiences so far- thanks to charter schools. BUT- don't fool yourself into thinking public school is anything like the real world.

 

Where in the real world do people raise their hand and ask to go to the bathroom?

 

 

 

Years ago my mom babysat for us while we were on vacation. She did some school with ds, he was about first or second grade. She made him raise his hand to go to the bathroom. They are buddies, but she was trying to "do school" with him. When I talked to him on the phone that night he begged me to not let grandma (his favorite person, seriously) teach him anymore, because he couldn't talk in class and had to raise his hand. he was very distraught. I think I thanked my mother for helping me look like the good guy.