Pregnancy at 40

[Cynful]

I'm usually on the K-8 board, but I'm in need of some advice/reality check, something....

 

Both hubby and I really want another baby. I'm 39, will be 40 in Aug. Both of my pregnancies were hard ones. DS was born 10 weeks early. DD was fine. I was on bed rest from month 5 on since I have high blood pressure.

 

My general doc (whom I just started seeing) said she thought it would be an awfully uncomfortable pregnancy and too hard to do. She didn't really address the "medical" part of it though. Just made it sound as if it would be inconvenient or something. I also have psoriatic arthritis which isn't really a complication but might make it more painful since I couldn't take meds for it, obviously, while pregnant. Then add that I'd be of "advance maternal age" (hate that label), I'm not sure what to think.

 

Anyone been there, done that? What would you recommend to a friend in this position? Is it really that scary to be pregnant at 40?

 

Thanks Hive :)

[Liz CA]

No, it's not necessarily a big deal. My sister in law just had her third a year ago and she was 41. I do think, it would depend on one's body and only you know how you feel these days. You could look into some supplements and possibly something herbal you can take for the psoriatic arthritis for pain relief.

There is a difference between an "uncomfortable pregnancy" and a "medically not advisable pregnancy" IMHO.

Have you seen more than one doc? A second opinion may help in deciding.

[amy g.]

I had one at 40 that was a breeze. I felt good the whole pregnancy. I'm so happy to have her in our family.

 

Then I had one at 43 and I was uncomfortable the whole time. Part of the problem was the way she was positioned. She is such a delightful and happy baby that she's almost worth the trouble.

 

I think it is an inconvenience, but that is all.

[LindaOz]

I am about 32 weeks pregnant with #7. I have had high blood pressure issues with the majority of my pregnancies including one with pre-eclampsia (that was my first.) Before I became pregnant this time around, I had lost a lot of weight and made huge eating changes for the better. So, I felt that my health had improved dramatically and that I was able to cope with another pregnancy.

 

So, here I am at 32 weeks. My blood pressure is fine, and it will probably go down as one of my easier pregnancies.

 

BTW, I am 44!! ;)

[jld]

Liz's advice about a second opinion is very good.

 

I would probably have another if I could (I'm 39). Have you read Dr. McDougall's article on arthritis? It's called Diet: the Only Hope for Arthritis, and it's available on his website (dr.mcdougall.com). I think doing his diet would alleviate discomfort during the pregnancy.

 

No one can really know except you what your limits are. I had my fifth and last child at 38. I know people were horrified. I am so glad to have him!:)

[jld]

Congratulations, and best wishes on the rest of the pregnancy!

[Brindee]

Liz's advice about a second opinion is very good.

:iagree:

 

I had my fifth and last child at 38. I know people were horrified. I am so glad to have him!:)

Why were people horrified? :confused: At your age? Your age isn't that bad for the ages people are having babies these days! :001_smile:

[Aggie]

I had my last at 42. All my pregnancies were difficult, though, so this wasn't any worse, really.

 

If it doesn't put your life *at risk* I would consider it.

 

You'll always regret the child you didn't have.

[Lucy in Australia]

I had our little girl when I was 42. Admittedly, this was not a planned pregnancy, and I've always been healthy, but I really had no problems at all. Yes, I had to put up with all the medical warnings about increased Down's Syndrome risk and all the rest, but it really was no different to the other pregnancies. It was a different story after the birth - I'm definitely feeling the effects of broken sleep ;)

 

Linda, congratulations! How exciting :grouphug:

[jld]

Well, in my family (my siblings, I mean, not my kids and dh) people just don't have kids at 38. And not a fifth one! My family (sibling one again, not my kids and dh) is very materialistic. Maybe if dh and I were rich, there would not have been comments, but even so, I think there is that feeling that you just can't give quality time and enough love to so many kids. I don't agree, but that feeling is out there in my family of origin.

[Cynful]

Yes, I am definitely going to get another opinion. I think from a good ob/gyn would be better than a general practitioner.

 

Linda, I'm so glad to hear about yours. I've been trying to lose weight also to help and its nice to hear about your experience with it. I hope it continues to be an uneventful pregnancy for you. :)

 

It seems like all I hear are statistics when you start talking about pregnancy after 40. I'm more likely to have a baby with Downs; I'm more likely to have complications; I'm more likely to have complications; etc. Then of course are the ones who ask "Aren't you happy with the two you've got?" GRRR!!!

[StartingOver]

I had massive issues with my first babies, bedrest, placenta previa, premature labor, premature births.

 

Starting when I was 19..

1988 full term dd

1989 32 weeker

1991 34 weeker

 

fast forward...... hehehe to age 37 -39.

 

2006 36 weeker, I was on bedrest for preterm labor. He did spend some time in NICU.

2008 40 weeker, came straight home.

 

I think every pregnancy is different, we can't predict what will happen. I had no issue with being advanced materal age. I refused all tests. I waited to see what I got. I have two beautiful babies that both had an easier start than my much older children. If I had to do it all over again, I would IN A MOMENT !!!

 

Having said that, I am done now !! ;-)

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I had my last baby at 42. It was definitely harder on me than the previous two pregnancies. I was in good health, my blood sugar and blood pressure were fine, and was never in any danger. But, I was just so tired! My joints were looser, and I was tired all the time. Oh, yeah, and I was tired (did I mention that?). :)

 

The delivery was my worst, also. I "go" fast through delivery, and this was my fastest, most furious one. I've never had an epidural because I go so fast. This last time, I went from 2 cm to 10 cm in 5 minutes! No time for an epidural there! It felt like I was just being ripped open, and was very traumatic, especially for this experienced natural childbirth veteran who thought she had it all together. It was frightening to be so out of control, and man! it hurt!

 

My postpartum adjustment was more difficult, too. The trauma of the deliver just stayed in my memory. I loved my baby, but had trouble reconciling the pain, fear, exhaustion, and depression. It took a couple months to get happy again.

 

Breastfeeding was more difficult, too. I had nursed my first baby for 11 months, and my second for 2 1/2 years, but I had a lot of problems with the third. I ended up going 1 1/2 years with her, but it was always painful, and always a pain. KWIM? I finally had to wean her because it hurt all the time, and I was exhausted. I felt like she was literally sucking the life out of me. It was never like this with the other two. I always had plenty of milk, and plenty of energy with them. The only thing different was my age, and the fact that I was homeschooling a 7yo and a 9yo when I had the third.

 

Anyway, I adore our little princess, our "late in life delight", but I will NEVER go through that again. :)

 

Oh! One positive thing though! :) I had suffered with severe PMS, anovulatory cycles, extreme pre-menopause symptoms before this last pregnancy. But, I haven't had hardly any problems since. My miserable pregnancy cured me of pre-menopause symptoms! I find myself now, at 46 (almost 47) gently sliding into menopause with hardly any problems! Good, no?

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't do it. A big difference between you and me is that you want the pregnancy, and you're planning it. Ours was a total surprise (I still can't figure out how it happened because we took several measures to avoid pregnancy). I felt trapped, and scared, and resentful, and apathetic, and angry, and lots of other emotions (not all at the same time though!). My health was better than yours is, but my state of mind was much more negative. I believe in the power of attitude (both good and bad). If you aren't in danger with another pregnancy, and you really want another baby, I'd say go for it!

[Cynful]

I should have mentioned that I had to have c-sects with both my others - when they had to take my son at 30 weeks, they did an c-sect with the vertical incision on the uterus - so I have to have a c-sect from now on. Does that make any difference? I know its still a major surgery.

[StartingOver]

I should have mentioned that I had to have c-sects with both my others - when they had to take my son at 30 weeks, they did an c-sect with the vertical incision on the uterus - so I have to have a c-sect from now on. Does that make any difference? I know its still a major surgery.

 

My OB will not do more than 4 csections. No way, no how. I have had 3.

[Starr]

I was on bedrest for 4 1/2 months with dd at 38, ok with ds at 40. I really took it easy with the second baby because of the bedrest the first time around. I think your health issues would be the thing to check out. I had a high risk, big city doctor and my age didn't phase him.

[Jumping In Puddles]

My OB will not do more than 4 csections. No way, no how. I have had 3.

 

So if you got pregnant, you would have to change to a new OB? :confused: Whether OB likes it or not, that baby would have to come out some how, some way. ;)

[Corraleno]

I had my son at 41 ~ a beautiful 9lb2oz full term baby. I ended up with a c-section because he was so big (his head was stuck), but there were no complications with the pregnancy itself ~ once I stopped throwing up, I felt great! If I'd been able to have more kids, I'd have kept going until I was 50!

 

Jackie

[StartingOver]

So if you got pregnant, you would have to change to a new OB? :confused: Whether OB likes it or not, that baby would have to come out some how, some way. ;)

 

Well for me personally that wouldn't happen LOL I had the same OB for all 5 children. I love him !!!

 

But yes, I assume you would have to go to a high risk OB then. My step daughter had the same talk from her OB when she had her third.

[StartingOver]

I've had five, all c-sections. Yeah, if we hadn't lost two more babies, I'd have had to go to a bigger town. My last was at 43. I'm in bed for anywhere from 2.5 months to 8 months with all of them. I'd not trade them for the world (well, maybe in math today... ). I've had babies in my 20's, 30's and 40's. The earlier babies were the hardest. The only baby you'll regret is the one you never had...

 

:iagree:

[littlebug42]

I would definitely get a second opinion. For several years I thought I wanted another baby -- yearned for it. I have two and have lost 2. My dh and I have decided that I just can't be pregnant again. My first was difficult and my second one was exponentially worse, not to mention having a daughter born with clubfoot and some other issues that I am now at higher risk of repeating. I will be 39 in September and cannot either be pregnant or tolerate another loss. Not to mention that for me, I feel I owe more to the children I have not to be deprived of a mother for 9 months or for them to suffer through the loss of a pregnancy either.

 

I wish you all the luck with your decision. It is such a personal one and I hope that you can get good medical advice to help you. As an aside, my grandmother gave birth to her 11th child when she was 45 and I am certain if anyone told her not to have another one, she would not have taken kindly to the advice.

[MariannNOVA]

I would agree with your getting a second opinion -- I had dd who will be 11 in two weeks when I was 44 and I had the twins when I was 45 -- I've had 4 c-sections -- 5 children: dd31 in 1979, dd29 in 1980, dd10 in 1999, and dd9 and ds9 in 2000.

 

Be in the best shape you can be prior to becoming pg - that would be my advice -- :D

[Chris in VA]

I had dd when I was 38. I finally got my girl! She has brought so much joy to our family.

 

Right after I birthed her, my uterus didn't contract as it should have--my midwives (in the hospital) were a little concerned, and I remember feeling a little "drifty," so I wonder if I was losing blood. But everything turned out fine in a few minutes, and really, the baby was easy, and I'm so glad we had her.

I had baby hunger when I was about 42--I felt it was too late, because I didn't want to die in my seventies and leave an adult child in her thirties--I just wanted to have a good chance of being there for grandchildren, and life changes in my kid's life, and all of that. We didn't try to get pregnant, and now I'm 47 and I don't want to anymore. It was really hard letting that go, but I did.

 

I do wish I had had one or even two more between my middle and my last. I never realized I love having a house full until it was too late.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I was 39 when ds was born - the pregnancy was just fine.

[MommyX8]

I found out that I was pregnant with my last child on my 43rd birthday. The pregnancy was fine. However, sleep deprivation after the baby arrived was tough. It wasn't as tough as chasing around a 2 year old at 46, though.

[MissKNG]

I can give you another prospective - my dad was 40 when he and my mother had me. Now he is 72 (I'm 32) and there's nothing more heartbreaking, saddening and stressful than watching him slow down and age over the past few years. His mother passed away at 76 so that thought is in my head and his father passed away at 86. I will be lucky if I have a father by the time I'm 50. I know people in their 60's that have parents but that probably won't be me.

 

I'm not saying I'm against having a child at 40 or older (it's truly a personal decision) but it's just hard for me, as a child of an older parent, to watch your parents slow down when you are barely in your 30's.

 

Ok, I need a kleenex now!!

Edited March 13, 2010 by MissKNG

[Elm in NJ]

I am 41 and 25 weeks pregnant. I have high blood pressure but so far, this has been one of my easiest pregnancy( apart from the first one). I have been constantly tired but so far, no problems health-wise.

[melmichigan]

I can give you another prospective - my dad was 40 when he and my mother had me. Now he is 72 (I'm 32) and there's nothing more heartbreaking, saddening and stressful than watching him slow down and age over the past few years. His mother passed away at 76 so that thought is in my head and his father passed away at 86. I will be lucky if I have a father by the time I'm 50. I know people in their 60's that have parents but that probably won't be me.

 

I'm not saying I'm against having a child at 40 or older (it's truly a personal decision) but it's just hard for me, as a child of an older parent, to watch your parents slow down when you are barely in your 30's.

 

Ok, I need a kleenex now!!

 

I lost both parents by the time I was 33 so you just never know. It is always hard to loose a parent, no matter what your age. Please pass the kleenex.

 

We are debating another child now, but I'm only 37. :) If we do get pregnant it would be my 4th c-section, for me that is the scariest part.

[JenC3]

I go back and forth as well. I do know that I'm giving myself until fall and if I still want one we will try. I'm 37 and it would be our 4th. My 3rd pg was stressful and my BP went up at 36 weeks so my 3rd home birth turned into a 2 weeks early hospital birth and a 5 lb dd. I worry mostly about he baby being healthly and if it's fair to my other 3 since I will be spread even more thin.

[Irene Lynn]

I was pregnant at 40 after a 13.5 year gap. I was very out of shape and that DID.NOT.HELP. If you are even thinking about it, I would advise making sure your body is toned a bit. My abs really took a hit and I contracted every time I tried to go up our stairs and for a while, every time I stood. I think that if I had been in better shape, perhaps that wouldn't have happened.

[rainforest mama]

I am 42 yo and 26 weeks pregnant with baby #3. We have an 11 yo DD and a 3 yo DD, and had 2 early losses between them.

 

Other than feeling extremely tired (which I think is a result of chasing the very active 3 yo, and not so much the pregnancy), everything has been going great. I don't feel much different than I did when I was in my 30's.

 

I really didn't feel done after I had DD#2 and DH was willing to try for one more. In fact, DH made the comment the other day that if we won the lottery we might consider going for #4!

 

My grandmother had her 10th at age 45 and had no trouble with any of her pregnancies, so I figure if she could do it, so can I! BTW, both of my grandparents were in their 90's when they passed away, and lived long enough to see grandchildren and great-grandchildren from their 10th child.

 

I don't know what decision I would make if I had health issues, but we're thrilled to be having baby #3.

 

Lana

[gaillardia]

#1 at 24, #6 at 39, and #7 at almost 41. #1 - #6 in the hospital, #7 at home, on purpose, with a midwife.

After #5, ob/gyn said hysterectomy, which offended me. He thought it was time to decide FOR ME that I was finished having children. His words "you've had enough." I was 35 or 36. I changed doctors.

Our family wouldn't be the same without these last two sweeties.

Three grandparents have passed away, and their remaining grandmother has always been sort of distant.

Having them at this age is almost like being grandparents! Parenting style is more relaxed.

I think another reason doctors are a little worried about "older" women having babies is lawsuit. I never did any of the invasive testing, just blood work.

Sounds like you will do this anyway. I wish you good health!:001_smile:

[Kissy]

For blood pressure try the Brewer's diet which has been shown to reduce high blood pressure in pregnancy. For arthritis could you see a chiropractor? Good luck with your decision.

[Cynful]

Ladies,

 

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to share your experience and advice. First things first for me, get a good ob/gyn to get a full opinion and continue my path of eating healthier. Then I can make a more "sound" decision. I really needed to hear that others had had healthy pregnancies past 40 though. :)

[tricia]

I wouldn't worry a whole lot about it. When I was 40 I went with a friend to her ultrasound and while chatting with the doctor the subject came up of having kids over 40. My friend just turned 40 and it was her first. Anyway, I had said I would love more and he told me, very rudely I thought, you are 40, you'll never have anymore kids. UH, I had 3 more, giving us 12 all together. And if the Lord sends more, I'm happy to do it. Good luck.