s/o The Pearls......

[TXMary2]

I have seen plenty of criticism (rightly so) about the child training book, but what does everyone think of the "Help Meet" book? I couldn't get through the whole book. I am not anti-submissive, but that book is really hard core and over the top in my opinion. I have a friend that buys this book and the child training book in bulk and gives copies away to people because she swears by them. I love my friend and I have never challenged her on these books because I KNOW she would never back down, but I can't stand the books.

[Michelle in MO]

I have seen plenty of criticism (rightly so) about the child training book, but what does everyone think of the "Help Meet" book? I couldn't get through the whole book. I am not anti-submissive, but that book is really hard core and over the top in my opinion. I have a friend that buys this book and the child training book in bulk and gives copies away to people because she swears by them. I love my friend and I have never challenged her on these books because I KNOW she would never back down, but I can't stand the books.

Someone gave me that book a while back, and I read just one page and couldn't read any more. I had to get rid of it. The individual who gave it to me was well-intentioned, but I would think there would be better books on the subject.

[TXMary2]

Someone gave me that book a while back, and I read just one page and couldn't read any more. I had to get rid of it. The individual who gave it to me was well-intentioned, but I would think there would be better books on the subject.

 

There are! Like "The Excellent Wife" or a marriage bible study by Kay Arthur.

[Nestof3]

There are! Like "The Excellent Wife" or a marriage bible study by Kay Arthur.

 

:iagree:

 

That is my favorite marriage book by a Christian author -- at least so far.

[kamom]

This book has made a positive impact in my marriage and helped me in understanding my DH. I have also passed it on and gotten positive feedback from other couples. I do not agree with everything in it, but feel like I learned some things from it.

[kamom]

I want to add that IMO Debi can speak on submission, which we believe in, because she has learned to find her place which to me looks like a difficult place under HER husband, who doesn't seem like a very easy man to be happily married to. I don't know them personally, just by what I read about them.

[FriedClams]

.

Edited February 28, 2010 by Kayaking Mom

[Impish]

The Excellent Wife? I'll have to look for that one!

[Journey]

My mom always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I'll stick by that for this one!!!

[TXMary2]

This book has made a positive impact in my marriage and helped me in understanding my DH. I have also passed it on and gotten positive feedback from other couples. I do not agree with everything in it, but feel like I learned some things from it.

 

I think the biggest problem I had with it was the harsh tone in her letters that were written in response to people that wrote her. I almost made it completely through the book with only a few chapters left, but something in that last chapter caused me to just put the book down and I never picked it back up.

 

Edited to add: I had problems with it all the way through, but I kept plugging along until I finally couldn't take it anymore.

Edited February 27, 2010 by TXMary2

[HollyDay]

The Help Meet book was going through our local women like crazy. Everyone was reading and raving about it. I decided to get it based on ALL these wonderful recommendations. I quickly found out why I am not able to be good friends with any of these ladies. Agreeing with Journey, if I can't say anything positive, I'll leave it at that. However, I do NOT recommend any of the Pearl's books including this one. There are much better books out there.

 

Most anything by Nancy Leigh DeMoss including Biblical Womanhood in the Home (this is also a compilation), Lies Women Believe

 

Most anything by Elizabeth George

 

God's Priceless Woman by Wanda Sanseri

 

God's in the Kitchen Too by P.B. Wilson along with Liberated Through Submission.

 

Kay Arthur

[TXMary2]

Most anything by Elizabeth George

 

 

 

 

I love Elizabeth George. My two favorites are "Beautiful in God's Eyes" and "A Woman After God's Own Heart." I have read them over and over and at some times I felt like she set impossible standards to live by, but on the other hand I think it is a process and they are good guide books with practical ideas and examples that we can pick and choose from.

[Joanne]

I think it is dangerous, sick and perverts scripture. The idea that you can glean something and leave the rest is a dangerous, icky idea. If something has poison, it's poisoned.

 

CTBHH condones abuse, including molestation of children and gives very bad advice to wives and husbands.

[HerdingCats]

I would inclined to "throw the baby out with the bath-water" in this case. Judging from the insidious tendency to *impose* their interpretation of what God's word intends onto their readers as though it were inspired, this falls under the category of "false teaching" which we are admonished to avoid. Also, the use of *any* of their materials supports the same ministry which promotes the other reprehensible stuff. Their are plenty of other books and materials on this topic. There is also the Bible itself. There is nothing wrong with trusting your own study and coming to your own conclusions.

[Parrothead]

Oh, no, please not that whole submissive thing again.

 

I"m not a die-hard feminist by any means, but our mothers and grandmothers fought hard battles for women to be equal in the home, workplace and society in general. I'm proud of the fact that if I felt the need I could go to work and make a decent wage/living. I'm proud of what the most recent past generations of women have done for us.

 

I'm not going to be part of the group that throws that away because the Bible or some male so-called expert, who gets his drawers in a wad because a woman dares to speak up to him, writes a book. God used one of Adam's ribs for a reason. My dh is head of the house and leader of the family, but I am not submissive to him. We have a partnership. (And I'm not dissin' the Bible. But the book as a whole is very contradictory on most every subject. Just as God used Adam's rib, He gave us common sense and the ability to think for our selves for a reason- which is not to blindly follow.)

 

I am not going to line the pockets of men who say I should be less than an equal partner in my marriage. So no, to answer your question I think the marriage book is in the same category as the child-rearing book. Trash.

[G5052]

I would inclined to "throw the baby out with the bath-water" in this case. Judging from the insidious tendency to *impose* their interpretation of what God's word intends onto their readers as though it were inspired, this falls under the category of "false teaching" which we are admonished to avoid. There is also the Bible itself. There is nothing wrong with trusting your own study and coming to your own conclusions.

 

We have a highly collaborative, iron-sharpens-iron relationship, and my husband believes in giving tasks to those best able to do them, which means we often go counter to the traditional roles. We work it out between us and the Lord, not according to someone else's pattern.

[Wendi]

Is that the book someone brought up before, the one that says if your dh is driving, and going the wrong way, don't say anything because he's the leader and that would be disrespectful? :001_huh:

 

Wendi

[Spy Car]

 

Keep the fish - throw out the bones.

 

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.

 

Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

 

A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."

 

Matthew 7:15-19

 

Bill

[Joanne]

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.

 

Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

 

A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."

 

Matthew 7:15-19

 

Bill

 

:lol::lol:

 

Thanks for the irony fix, Bill.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.

 

Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.

 

A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."

 

Matthew 7:15-19

 

Bill

:iagree::iagree:

[BlsdMama]

 

CTBHH condones abuse, including molestation of children

Indeed it does not. As a matter of fact this is actually addressed including the part where you turn your husband over to authorities so he can be jailed.

 

 

As far as the book... Well, keeping in mind that the Pearls' have had to counsel and have been presented with some very hard core issues, it is very explicit and a bit over the top for your average house wife. It DOES get her point across as far as submission and serving rather than being served.

 

It is a book that I respect but it is a bit too explicit for me to have in the home with a teenage daughter, IMO. I think that they feel the need to be very blunt because most people will not change their way of acting / behaving in any other circumstance. Do I think it's the best book out there? Um, probably not. Do I think that it is useful? Probably.

 

I actually don't like their To Train Up a Child book because I feel it's taken the wrong way... I don't think people understand how vital the "tying strings" part is to the parent relationship and because it puts SO much focus on training and less on relationships generally you end up with parents who are drill sergeants and looking at actions but not attitudes. And I think this is because of the tone / tongue in cheek responses. I think their REAL attitude about their kids / family raising is better portrayed in their No Greater Joy books.

 

And I only bring that up because I think the same thing is true in the marriage book... I think they're writing to those extreme cases and those awful couples they've had experience with. And I think in the meantime it strikes those of us living "normal" lives as overboard and extreme.

 

But I think anything that can shock the general attitude of most wives into a "Serve instead of Be Served" attitude is a good thing. And I think too many women use the excuse of, "Well, but he's not doing his part" as a reason to not do their part. We can only be responsible for ourselves. And that's about $0.02 more than you asked for, lol. :D

[Joanne]

Indeed it does not. As a matter of fact this is actually addressed including the part where you turn your husband over to authorities so he can be jailed.

 

 

D

 

Indeed, it does. It tells women to accept back into the husband role a man who has abused them or the children. That is condoning abuse. Period, end of story.

[Parrothead]

But I think anything that can shock the general attitude of most wives into a "Serve instead of Be Served" attitude is a good thing. And I think too many women use the excuse of, "Well, but he's not doing his part" as a reason to not do their part. We can only be responsible for ourselves. And that's about $0.02 more than you asked for, lol. :D

Why does it have to be one way or the other? Why not mutual servitude or mutual service?

[ThatCyndiGirl]

This is an extremely dangerous sick and twisted book.

 

 

How ANY PERSON can condone a woman TAKING A KNOWN PEDOPHILE BACK INTO HER HOME/ARMS/BED AFTER THAT MAN HAS ATTACKED HER OWN/HIS OWN CHILDREN IS BEYOND ME!!!!!!!!

 

Now he can be brought back to molest his grandkids. Ain't it GREAT?!

 

sick, sick, SIIIIIICK!!!!

[Renee in NC]

Indeed, it does. It tells women to accept back into the husband role a man who has abused them or the children. That is condoning abuse. Period, end of story.

 

If I remember correctly it says to turn him over to be jailed only if he doesn't repent. So if he repents the poor molested children get to grow up seeing their molester everyday over breakfast.:glare:

 

That book almost ruined my marriage because it gave me the mistaken impression that my dh *wanted* a submissive wife, which he most certainly did not. Our finances started down that slippery slope during that time because I didn't object when he made stupid financial decisions. He became angry, withdrawn, and depressed when the strong, independent woman he married quit being strong and independent in exchange for meek and quiet.:tongue_smilie:

 

I bought into it hook, line, and sinker because I wanted to be the "good Christian wife." I will admit that I swung a little too far in the opposite direction on the rebound, but now I think we are back to normal (what normal was *before* the book.)

[Nestof3]

Why does it have to be one way or the other? Why not mutual servitude or mutual service?

 

She probably emphasizes that because Paul wrote that woman was created for man, not man for woman.

 

How do we Christians reconcile that verse?

[delaney]

I don't know if I could read anything that has "submissive" and "wife" in the same book. That is so not me

[delaney]

She probably emphasizes that because Paul wrote that woman was created for man, not man for woman.

 

How do we Christians reconcile that verse?

I don't take everything that the Bible says as absolute because it was written by men...just saying. If women were in positions of power at the time I think there may be a very different Bible out there now.

[Mommyfaithe]

I don't know if I could read anything that has "submissive" and "wife" in the same book. That is so not me

 

:lol:

 

Ummmmm ....me too...and dh would have it no other way...LOL....He kinda likes non-submissive ol' me!

 

I did read the book because i thought I could use a little advise in that dept. I threw the book out! No Way...No how. For ALL the reasons above......I would never be able to act the way she espouses all wives should behave. Who made her the flippin' authority anyway?

 

 

Faithe

[Mommyfaithe]

I think it is dangerous, sick and perverts scripture. The idea that you can glean something and leave the rest is a dangerous, icky idea. If something has poison, it's poisoned.

 

CTBHH condones abuse, including molestation of children and gives very bad advice to wives and husbands.

 

I agree...it is like a little poop in the brownies. Would you eat them if they only had a little poop in them?? eeeeewwwww.

 

There are so many great books out there....these are great for kindling!

 

~~Faithe (who once really liked the Pearl's material...especially their newsletter...did not agree with the spanking part BUT thought they had some good advice. THEN I watched their parenting DVD's....AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! That was so sick! NEVER...ever...ever,,,,yet still, some people will invite them in and follow them....JUST CRAZY!)

[stripe]

Is that the book someone brought up before, the one that says if your dh is driving, and going the wrong way, don't say anything because he's the leader and that would be disrespectful? :001_huh:

 

!

 

Reminds me of the study discussed in Outliers of Korean plane crashes where the co-pilot didn't want to be insubordinate to the pilot. So they crashed instead, and everyone died.

[Parrothead]

She probably emphasizes that because Paul wrote that woman was created for man, not man for woman.

 

How do we Christians reconcile that verse?

Honestly I reconcile it with common sense.

 

That is Paul's opinion. Here are a few other opinions:

 

"If they become tired or even die, that does not matter. Let them die in childbirth, that's why they are there." - Martin Luther

 

"What is the difference whether it is in a wife or a mother, it is still Eve the temptress that we must beware of in any woman... I fail to see what use woman can be to man, if one excludes the function of bearing children." - St. Augustine

 

Do we really believe these things in this day and age? They come from great men of religion just as Paul. But Paul was not Jesus. Jesus elevated women from oppression.

 

Is it not Biblical that Jesus came to reverse the effects of the Fall which included male domination over females?

 

What about the women in the Bible with authority? Deborah, Ester and not to ever forget the Blessed Virgin Mary to whom Jesus obeyed during the wedding at Cana?

 

There are a lot of things in the Bible that tell us that it is okay to do or think. Things like slavery, and sacrifices. Those things have finally been condemned for the perversions they are. When will people realize that women submitting to men is just another type of slavery.

 

Like I said, I'm not a big feminist, but I can see the time in the future that all the rights we have gained are taken away again simply because we and our daughters abdicate our rights.

 

It was not that long ago that women were not considered intelligent enough to be able to read the Bible. Up to the 20th century there were scientists that concluded that women were less intelligent than men because women have different brain structure. IMHO they were not smart enough to realize that maybe they were the less intelligent ones because their brains were the ones that were different.

 

Okay, I'll get off the soapbox now. I know I won't change anyone's mind in this type of forum.

[cathmom]

It has taken me a long time to cleanse my mind of the filth left by reading CTBHHM. I would not recommend it to anyone anywhere.

[Jenny in GA]

Could someone please tell a little bit what exactly that book says that people dislike (or like, even)?

 

I have heard people rave about this book and specifically recommend it to me personally. Then other people say it is poison. I'm not sure what to think.

 

Since it is scripturally based, do people dislike it just because they don't believe in scripture, and/or don't like what certain scriptures say?

 

I would love some specifics, please. Thanks.

[Parrothead]

Could someone please tell a little bit what exactly that book says that people dislike (or like, even)?

 

I have heard people rave about this book and specifically recommend it to me personally. Then other people say it is poison. I'm not sure what to think.

 

Since it is scripturally based, do people dislike it just because they don't believe in scripture, and/or don't like what certain scriptures say?

 

I would love some specifics, please. Thanks.

It isn't because it is based on the Bible. I do not like it because it is one of those things that twists what the Bible says. From what little bit I've read the Pearl's turn everything to the best interests of the husband, not the family. See the post above about not making the man feel inadequate because he is going the wrong way on a trip. A wife is to let the husband turn left when he is supposed to turn right. Don't correct him, don't say or do anything to embarrass him because of his mistake.

 

Would something like that make your husband feel empowered and manly?

 

In my marriage, if I let my dh go miles and miles the wrong way when I knew better, he would think I'd lost my mind.

[clarkacademy]

My mom always told me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I'll stick by that for this one!!!

 

I like u

[Miss Sherry]

Here's a link to a blog that I think does an excellent job in pointing out a lot of the Biblical error and confused thinking in one of the Pearls marriage books. There is so much junk in this book that you would have to spend more time addressing the problems in it, if you were using it as a "bible study on marriage" than you would on anything else in the book. I would just throw it out, literally, in the garbage. I couldn't even, in good conscience, give it to a thrift store because it could lead some unsuspecting soul into legalistic bondage.

 

 

 

http://createdtobehelpmeet.blogspot.com/

[Cricket]

It isn't because it is based on the Bible. I do not like it because it is one of those things that twists what the Bible says. From what little bit I've read the Pearl's turn everything to the best interests of the husband, not the family. See the post above about not making the man feel inadequate because he is going the wrong way on a trip. A wife is to let the husband turn left when he is supposed to turn right. Don't correct him, don't say or do anything to embarrass him because of his mistake.

 

Would something like that make your husband feel empowered and manly?

 

In my marriage, if I let my dh go miles and miles the wrong way when I knew better, he would think I'd lost my mind.

 

My dh would be so mad if I did that! :lol: "You KNEW I was going to wrong way and didn't say anything?!?!?! What is the matter with you?!?!?! You are supposed to be helping!!!" :lol:

[G5052]

Could someone please tell a little bit what exactly that book says that people dislike (or like, even)?

 

Since it is scripturally based, do people dislike it just because they don't believe in scripture, and/or don't like what certain scriptures say?

 

 

My biggest beef with Christian books on marriage, child-rearing, and homeschooling is that they almost always involve quoting a few verses and then building a structure/system that those verses never explicitly laid out. It becomes a human-made structure versus something that is worked out between you and God with Scripture giving the basic principles. The Pearls go so far as to even lay on the guilt and say that that is "the way" and that ruin will come your way if you do it otherwise, when again, I would say that Scripture doesn't exactly say that.

 

For example, I don't believe that Scripture teaches that it's wrong to tell my husband when he has made a wrong turn driving. It does say that I am to treat him respectfully, which means that I am to be thoughtful about HOW I tell him that he made a wrong turn. And there are times that I might indeed keep my mouth shut and let it ride just as he might choose to not point out that my hair is mess and that he prefers a well-groomed wife. But I have pointed out, "Honey, I think we just missed the exit." And he's come home and said, "I can tell you've been outside all day, would you like to go upstairs and clean up and brush your hair?"

 

:001_smile:

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Could someone please tell a little bit what exactly that book says that people dislike (or like, even)?

 

I have heard people rave about this book and specifically recommend it to me personally. Then other people say it is poison. I'm not sure what to think.

 

Since it is scripturally based, do people dislike it just because they don't believe in scripture, and/or don't like what certain scriptures say?

 

I would love some specifics, please. Thanks.

 

 

Michael Pearl: "But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, "What if he doesn’t repent even then?" Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce—always, forever, regardless, without exception."

 

This man obviously knows NOTHING about sex offenders and the way they operate. Sex offenders are VERY GOOD at turning on the "oh,I'm so sorry" ploy.

 

This is just simple straight-up BONDAGE to try to get women to think that if they don't stay with/stand by a pedophile husband that they are somehow disappointing god. I would want to have NO PART in any religion that expected me to put my religion/pedophile husband above the interest of my children!!

 

NO WAY. NO HOW. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Edited February 27, 2010 by ThatCyndiGirl

[usetoschool]

She probably emphasizes that because Paul wrote that woman was created for man, not man for woman.

 

How do we Christians reconcile that verse?

 

hmmm...I'll bite. Adam was created first and Eve was created as an helpmeet for him. But two things - help meet for him, meaning, from what I have heard and read, equal to him, good enough for him, up to his standard and useful for him in the great work they needed to do and that Adam's roll as the head was, I think, to protect Eve in the role she had to play. Giving birth and rearing children is a special job and it was Adam's job to care for and protect Eve and provide an environment where she could do that. So when I read man is the head of the woman, it is more of a stewardship and accountability than control or boss role. Never see anywhere in scriptures that says women are lesser than men and Jesus certainly never treated women (or children) that way. How in the world these people think they are following the Savior is beyond me.

 

Just my .02

[UnsinkableKristen]

I'm sorry, but that business about sexual molestation is beyond ludicrous and horribly dangerous. Take him BACK? Does he know nothing about sexual offenders?? What would your children think when Dad gets out of jail for molesting them and then hops right back into Mom's house? Way to be a cautious parent, Mom.

 

How can anyone take part of his ministry knowing that he espouses this view?? I understand that there may be helpful information in the other books - I get that. But why would you recommend his good works knowing how dangerous of a message the other ones contain?

 

I am a very conservative Christian, but I think this man is full of crap.

[asta]

What completely blows my mind is how a human being, having free will, could/can/should/will allow a book, ANY BOOK - even the bible (GASP) - tell. them. what. to. do.

 

Books are written by human beings.

 

You can even argue infallibility until you are blue in the face - they are WRITTEN, physically WRITTEN by human beings. They are EDITED by human beings. HUMANS.

 

What kind of creation / society have we become when we beat our young and subjugate ourselves to one another based upon a book.

 

 

asta

[OnTheBrink]

Could someone please tell a little bit what exactly that book says that people dislike (or like, even)?

 

I have heard people rave about this book and specifically recommend it to me personally. Then other people say it is poison. I'm not sure what to think.

 

Since it is scripturally based, do people dislike it just because they don't believe in scripture, and/or don't like what certain scriptures say?

 

I would love some specifics, please. Thanks.

 

The problem ISN'T that it's based on the Bible--the problem is that it's NOT, but claims to be. I've seen it compared to the same deceptive techniques satan used against Eve. Use a little, tiny bit of scripture and mix it in with a whole lot of untruth and call it God's word.

 

Galatians 5:9, "A little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough." A little untruth makes it all untrue. I think in matters of God's word, it's better to completely reject teaching that deliberately incorporates untruth than to attempt to sort the wrong from the right, when both is coming from the same mouth.

[Parrothead]

Michael Pearl: "But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, "What if he doesn’t repent even then?" Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce—always, forever, regardless, without exception."

 

That is a good way for a woman to get dead.

 

Many a person would do what they needed to do to keep out of the pokey, or retaliate for being put in because someone testified against them.

 

The more I see of these Pearl people, the more I think they are idiots.

[Joanne]

Michael Pearl: "But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, "What if he doesn’t repent even then?" Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce—always, forever, regardless, without exception."

 

This man obviously knows NOTHING about sex offenders and the way they operate. Sex offenders are VERY GOOD at turning on the "oh,I'm so sorry" ploy.

 

This is just simple straight-up BONDAGE to try to get women to think that if they don't stay with/stand by a pedophile husband that they are somehow disappointing god. I would want to have NO PART in any religion that expected me to put my religion/pedophile husband above the interest of my children!!

 

NO WAY. NO HOW. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

 

Not to mention the lifelong, possibly delibilating effects it will have on the mother/child relationship and the quality of life of the adult (violated) child.

[coffeefreak]

That book almost ruined my marriage. My husband didn't want a doormat, he wanted a partner. He never wanted to be Michael Pearl, and in order to follow what she says you should be in her book, your husband has to be Michael Pearl. I will say, the church we were going to at the time was a very legalistic, fundamentalist church that supported his book 100% (they were basically a cult). They felt all men should be the domineering, overlord type husband. That's simply not us. Once we got out of that church, I started to see clearer, and I ripped up that book and threw it away. My dh was happy to see it go.

 

I also want to mention, I met Debbi Pearl in person. One of her daughters lives out here, and when she comes to see her, she'll sometimes do a low-key small group meeting. She really was a very nice lady. She was kind to everyone, and tried to emphasize her book was written more for women with men like her husband. It helped me (later) to understand why she wrote the book. However, I know women who have husbands like hers, and I would NEVER advise them to read/follow her advice. She claims you can "save" your husband, she claims you are part of the problem if your husband is abusive or unhappy, but she misses something. According to her, if you simply cater to him and do whatever he says, you'll bring him around and he'll treat you like a queen. She forgets her husband was already a Christian and a Pastor when she met him. She forgets, she was never abused by her husband, so she really has no business giving advice to those women! You should NEVER tell a woman who is being abused she's at fault.

 

OK, I'll get off my soap box now. :) HTH!

Dorinda

:rant:

[Joanne]

My biggest beef with Christian books on marriage, child-rearing, and homeschooling is that they almost always involve quoting a few verses and then building a structure/system that those verses never explicitly laid out. It becomes a human-made structure versus something that is worked out between you and God with Scripture giving the basic principles. The Pearls go so far as to even lay on the guilt and say that that is "the way" and that ruin will come your way if you do it otherwise, when again, I would say that Scripture doesn't exactly say that.

 

 

 

:001_smile:

 

Exactly one of my problems with nearly every Christian authored book on childrearing that includes a section on spanking. It includes ritual, ritualization, process and specifics that are not in the bible.

 

If you spank, perhaps those ideas aren't bad ways to go about it, but don't claim them as Biblical.

[coffeefreak]

I agree...it is like a little poop in the brownies. Would you eat them if they only had a little poop in them?? eeeeewwwww.

 

There are so many great books out there....these are great for kindling!

 

~~Faithe (who once really liked the Pearl's material...especially their newsletter...did not agree with the spanking part BUT thought they had some good advice. THEN I watched their parenting DVD's....AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! That was so sick! NEVER...ever...ever,,,,yet still, some people will invite them in and follow them....JUST CRAZY!)

 

I always respond to the "Pearl" threads before reading it all the way through. This is TOTALLY TRUE!!!!! Faithe, it sounds like you and I were living parallel lives at one time.

Dorinda

[coffeefreak]

If I remember correctly it says to turn him over to be jailed only if he doesn't repent. So if he repents the poor molested children get to grow up seeing their molester everyday over breakfast.:glare:

 

That book almost ruined my marriage because it gave me the mistaken impression that my dh *wanted* a submissive wife, which he most certainly did not. Our finances started down that slippery slope during that time because I didn't object when he made stupid financial decisions. He became angry, withdrawn, and depressed when the strong, independent woman he married quit being strong and independent in exchange for meek and quiet.:tongue_smilie:

 

I bought into it hook, line, and sinker because I wanted to be the "good Christian wife." I will admit that I swung a little too far in the opposite direction on the rebound, but now I think we are back to normal (what normal was *before* the book.)

 

:grouphug:

us too

Dorinda