Professionalizing motherhood/homeschooling (s/o indirect homeschooling thread)

[Parrothead]

I would rather say my job is being a mother than a wife, because I feel like my kids require more "work" than my husband does (obviously not true for every wife). I think there is something lacking here, though. And if one doesn't want to say one's house/kids constitute her job, then what does she say?

See, how can being a mother be a job? When you ask a woman with a child who works at any "outside" job what she does, she doesn't say that she is a mother. She says waitress, doctor, etc., what ever it is she does for pay. Then you find out she has X number of kids.

 

I really think being a wife (husband) is a state of being. There could possibly be a time when one is no longer a wife. What does one identify oneself as then? Has one just lost one's job?

 

What does one say when one's children are grown? Is one still going to say that one's job is being a mother? Will one automatically go from stay at home mom to house wife when one's last child leaves? Was one consider oneself promoted or demoted?

 

I prefer to think of being a mother as a fact of life instead of a job. I am a mother. I will always be dd's mother. But being dd's mother isn't my job. It isn't exclusively what I do.

 

I do agree with you about something being lacking. There needs to be a term that accurately describes what we do.

Edited January 15, 2010 by Parrothead

[Firefly]

I hadn't given this is a lot of thought and have enjoyed reading the responses. I had to think about it before I answered. What I came up with is this: being a mother and "keeper of the home" is my passion. I don't think of it as a job (though certainly there are those lucky enough to do their passion as paid employment). I know what I do has real value, even if I don't get paid for it/society doesn't value it. (Oh, how many dinner parties have I been to where the eyes of the person sitting next to me glaze over when I say I stay at home?)

 

There are definitely aspects of what I do that I don't like (laundry... bah!) but overall what I do everyday is tremendously gratifying. Knitting, gardening and animal husbandry are hobbies as well as chores for me. I love spending time with my kids... they are interesting people I actually *like* to hang out with. So whether its homeschooling, hauling piles of compost to the garden; tending the bees and chickens; making something delicious for dinner; or even knitting by the woodstove on snowy day... all of these things are so fullfilling to me that it's hard to think of them as a "job". Responsibilities, day to day tasks, yes. But the overall drudgery that the word "job" implies (for me)--no. I feel very lucky that I get to do what I love every day. Yeah, it's cliché, but I like to say that I'm a "domestic goddess." I like the sound of that more than anything else. ;)

[Carrie12345]

 

So I guess I see two potential (not definite)problems with considering motherhood/homemaking "your job":

 

1) If it's your job, then everyone is going to expect you -- and only you -- to do it.

 

2) If it's your job, and you expect -- and like -- it to be your job, then ... well, of course you're going to spend your days doing it. And that will really rob your children when leave home and realize they have no idea how to laundry, and have never mopped a floor.

 

I know this is a little different spin from the original thought of "Is homeschooling your job?" but I thought I'd throw it in as well for more to discuss. :laugh:

 

Interesting thoughts.

 

While I do consider my parenting role to be the main responsibility in my life, almost to the exclusion of anything else, it's definitely not resting completely on my shoulders. My kids help with dishes, put away their own clothes, sweep, straighten and help entertain each other. My husband helps with laundry, dishes, diapers, vacuuming, shuttling children, giving baths, kissing boo boos disciplining and, once in a blue moon, cooking. I'm known for reminding people that I am not their maid.

 

And, while I converse with dh about his job, I've never taken an active role in it. ;)

[Georgiana Daniels]

I work hard and try to treat my "position" within the family with the same focus as I did my past "real" jobs. But I don't consider this a job-job, probably because of the negative connotation the word dredges up for me.

 

IMO, homeschooling/homemaking require more time management, creativity, organization skills, patience, endurance, sound judgment, and plain ol' juggling than either of my previous careers.

[stripe]

See, how can being a mother be a job? When you ask a woman with a child who works at any "outside" job what she does, she doesn't say that she is a mother. She says waitress, doctor, etc., what ever it is she does for pay. Then you find out she has X number of kids.

 

I really think being a wife (husband) is a state of being.

I agree with you! I was just saying that, in terms of the idea of a job, I'd rather say my job is a mother than a wife -- but I really wouldn't ever say either! ;)

[Mom-ninja.]

For me a job means work that one does. So, yes, I work. It's my job. A job also means ones responsibility and my children's education is just that. So it is my job.

 

It all depends on how a person defines and views the word "job".

 

I'm the opposite of some posters here. I get annoyed when I hear, "Oh, but you don't have a job."

[Parrothead]

I agree with you! I was just saying that, in terms of the idea of a job, I'd rather say my job is a mother than a wife -- but I really wouldn't ever say either! ;)

Maybe we ought to brainstorm and find a suitable term for what it is we do. We are all pretty smart chicks on this board. It shouldn't be too difficult. And we are scattered all over the globe so having the new term catch on world wide should be fairly simple.

[Joanne]

I get paid to home educate 3 additional children, so technically it IS my job.

 

That relatively unique circumstance aside, I do not consider homemaking, mothering, homeschooling or wifing a "job". I think that comparing it to a "job" misses the mark entirely.

 

I understand the cultural history involved in defending SAHM's time and focus. I understand the need that drove people to delineate the hours spent cooking, cleaning, driving, shopping into "jobs" that add up to $ if paid out. It was probably a necessary cultural excursion both FOR feminists to defend the role of some women and AGAINST feminists during the time when SAHMothering was devalued by them.

 

But calling it a "job" doesn't begin to accurate define the scope, intent or intentionality behind my years as a SAHM. I was a SAHM by choice, for many reasons, and in that choice, I made decisions on cultivating our lives. My energy, focus, time and resources were allocated to enhance the quality of our lives with a WOH father and SAHM mother. It took most of my time, it was often hard, but it also had benefits.

 

Now, my situation is radically different. While I am at home teaching many hours a week, I also teach others and I also WOH 28 hours a week in addition to full time graduate school. While being a SAHM was fine for the years I did it exclusively, I believe that it would be not "enough" now.

[Garga]

I don't call it my job, but I treat it as a job.

 

Here's how I used to act on my job I had before kids:

 

1. Show up on time.

2. Only do work things during work hours (i.e: I would read during my lunch break, but not any other time.)

3. Some of my tasks at work were boring or difficult, and I just buckled down and did them.

4. Take classes or attend seminars to further my knowledge for the job.

 

I do the exact same things as a homeschooler.

 

1. We start on time.

2. Phone, books, computer are away during hs time.

3. I do the science experiments (and other things) I don't really feel like doing.

4. I constantly read and research how to be better at homeschooling.

Edited January 15, 2010 by Garga

[Barb_]

Let's take this apart for a minute. How about instead of calling it a "job" we call homeschooing a career, occupation or lifework? One can have a career as a volunteer...no payment is necessary for validation. An occupation can be defined as a vocation or an avocation. It's technically correct to refer to homeschooling or full-time parenting as a life's work. When people ask me what I do, I say I teach my children at home. I don't respond, "I don't work" or "I don't have a job" because that is technically incorrect, no matter how I feel regarding the context. Really, people are just trying to make conversation; it's polite to take the path of least resistance when trying to find common ground.

 

Barb

[Liz CA]

This is a hard one to answer.

 

I love what I do, staying at home, teaching my kids, but is it my "Job" I don't know. I guess it depends on who I'm talking to. The one thing I hate is when someone finds out I am a SAHM and a homeschooler and they respond with "Oh so you don't work"

 

Are you tempted to respond by saying: "No, I don't work. I get up at....then we start school...(be sure to go into detail about the schooling...,then I grade...then I do the laundry, the budgeting, the shopping, the disciplining...(insert whatever else comes to mind)...and sometimes I am even in bed by midnight. But I am not working."

 

I always wanted to say something like that but bit my lip.

[Barb_]

 

1) If it's your job, then everyone is going to expect you -- and only you -- to do it.

 

2) If it's your job, and you expect -- and like -- it to be your job, then ... well, of course you're going to spend your days doing it. And that will really rob your children when leave home and realize they have no idea how to laundry, and have never mopped a floor.

 

I know this is a little different spin from the original thought of "Is homeschooling your job?" but I thought I'd throw it in as well for more to discuss. :laugh:

 

Hmm, food for thought. I would counter with a few things.

 

1) Part of my job as a parent is to develop self-reliant adults. I see myself more as a manager than a worker, actually, but maybe that's because running a household of 9 would be impossible without minions.

 

2) If I were working outside the house my husband would have to take off time for doctor's appointments, household issues (plumber, repairmen, etc), kids' sick days and days off school, etc. He can focus on his own career and work longer hours because he knows I have his back. Because of me, his life runs smoothly. In return he pitches in at home when he's around.

 

3) Everyone who does paid work gets time off. My life's work follows me on vacation and gets into bed with me in the middle of the night. My husband views child care as a break in his routine and housework as theraputic. It's all relative, I think.

 

Barb

[Barb_]

Are you tempted to respond by saying: "No, I don't work. I get up at....then we start school...(be sure to go into detail about the schooling...,then I grade...then I do the laundry, the budgeting, the shopping, the disciplining...(insert whatever else comes to mind)...and sometimes I am even in bed by midnight. But I am not working."

 

I always wanted to say something like that but bit my lip.

 

I think people who refer to homeschooling or motherhood as their job (returning to earlier posts) aren't doing it to validate mothering to themselves, so much as validating it outwardly as a legitimate choice of occupation (as you're saying above). Mostly the problem is a definition of terms and differing perspective. Someone who takes a few years off from a paying career isn't necessarily going to identify with motherhood or even homeschooling as a career. But where does that leave someone like me who has been raising and teaching kids for 20 years and has 20 more to go? If this isn't a legitimate occupation, I'm pretty pathetic.

[Barb_]

Someone in the other thread made the comment that it would be silly if someone asked her husband what his job is and he started talking about mowing the lawn. I feel the same way about being a mother and a homeschooler.

 

This doesn't follow logically. Mowing the lawn is a task. It would be silly to respond, "I do dishes" when asked what my job is, although some days that feels like an accurate description. Mothering/homeschooling is an all day every day series of tasks, appointments, schedule conflicts, on the job training, managing, etc.

 

Barb

[Barb_]

Lately when I meet people and am getting to know them, I'll ask, "So what do you do when you're not here?"

 

That way, they discuss a paid job, their kids, their hobbies, whatever.

 

What a great idea! I always HATE my husband's office parties because I feel so out of place. I have nothing in common with anyone. This will help. Thank you!

 

Barb

[LauraGB]

I'm not trying to belittle or elevate anyone when I say that homeschooling and parenting are jobs. I'm trying to say that they are my personal responsibilities. I use the word job with my kids. "Hey, it is your JOB to keep your room clean."

 

A job doesn't have to be a bad thing. It means it is important enough to me that I'm going to prioritize it. I'm not going to let someone distract me from it. I'm not going to give excuses for why I can't get it done. I'm not going to let my emotions interfere with my completion of it. In other words I'm going to act like a professional even if I'm still engaged in on-the-job training.

 

I'm going to plan. I'm going to be intentional. I'm going to evaluate. I'm going to get training or whatever other support I need to accomplish my job.

 

Does that mean I automatically hate what I'm doing because it is a job. NO! I think it is the best job in the world. I didn't realize the term had so many negative connotations. I value hard work and duty and responsibility and I love my job.

 

:iagree: And when someone asks me "Do you work?" with the understanding that 'work' means 'job', I'd consider myself a big, fat liar if I said "No." I like my job (most of the time) and I work incredibly hard to get it right because a lot is riding on my getting it right, more so than any other 'job' I've ever had.

(Oh, and then I get to complain about being underpaid and underappreciated - just like a 'real' job :-)

Edited January 15, 2010 by LauraGB

[buddhabelly]

I agree with Tutor: "If I don't look at homeschooling as a job, I don't give it the type of focus it requires." I do have other responsibilities besides homeschooling, but I put homeschooling first. That means not window shopping or stopping to buy a latte on the way home from teaching yoga (I walk to the yoga studio), and making sure that before I go there, my son knows exactly what lesson he is supposed to be doing and has already received some guidance in that area.

 

If your child attended a private school (or public for that matter), how would you feel if you overheard his teacher telling someone at a social event that she didn't work, she was "just" a teacher to your ds? How would you feel if she felt comfortable answering the phone during school hours, and chatting with her friends or relatives instead of keeping the schoolchildren on track?

 

Many of us experience guilt in relation to homeschooling: am I doing enough? Would my children be better off in school? While I can never completely quash those thoughts, at least I can give homeschooling 100 percent of my best efforts.

 

I also teach yoga (for pay, but I break even when expenses are tallied) and am the president and treasurer of a nonprofit organization. I don't get paid for my work at the nonprofit, but I spend many hours each week on it and definitely consider it to be a "job." As is homeschooling.

 

Thanks for starting this thread...I would have done it if others hadn't.

 

ETA: Progress reports and work samples are due today, so it's more of a "job" than usual!

 

Julie

Edited January 15, 2010 by buddhabelly

[Barb_]

Being a wife, mother, and homeschooler is my vocation. It is my God-given purpose. I don't have a job.

 

Ministers, priests, and missionaries don't have jobs? Social workers? Counselors? Teachers? Any or all of those occupations could be described as vocations even though they are also described as jobs. Some people even believe art or music or writing is their God-given purpose. The two are not incompatible.

 

Barb

[Barb_]

...give hubby a special place as "the primary parent". He is, at this point, a parent first and a carpenter second. Of note, he had considered himself a family man at a much younger age than I considered myself a family woman. It really didn't cross my mind to have a child until I met him. He was so....mumsy. Not having a child with him would has been like dating Chopin and never hearing him play the piano. It is the center of his life.

 

That is the sweetest thing I have heard in a very long time. Thank you for the warm fuzzies :)

[sleepymommy]

Hmm, this thread has really made me think about the job "title". I don't consider being a mother a job. To me this is life, I will always be my children's mother, even when they're 40, this is not an option. But I do consider homeschooling my kids a job. It's a option, a voluntary option that I have chosen. If circumstances in my life prove necessary, I can always stop homeschooling and seek alternatives for them.

 

It also places me solely in charge of there education, to me this entails a very large responsibility. Being a mother (which is also a large responsibility) comes naturally to me, being a teacher (formally) does not. I research, I prepare, I set deadlines, I perform evaluations upon myself. I suppose I do this in some other ways as a mother, but not with the same mentality.

 

Now I also don't consider housework part of my responsibility as a wife or mother. I do them as a shared effort to make this household run smoothly. Dh helps a little, but he earns the money that allows us to buy the things we need and that is his large part of making this household run smoothly.

 

If the laundry starts piling up or if I forget to mop the floor I don't see that as something hugely detrimental. But if I shrink on my job as homeschooling parent, I would be failing and my kids would suffer for it. At that point, I would have to fire myself!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hmm, this thread has really made me think about the job "title". I don't consider being a mother a job. To me this is life, I will always be my children's mother, even when they're 40, this is not an option. But I do consider homeschooling my kids a job. It's a option, a voluntary option that I have chosen. If circumstances in my life prove necessary, I can always stop homeschooling and seek alternatives for them.

 

It also places me solely in charge of there education, to me this entails a very large responsibility. Being a mother (which is also a large responsibility) comes naturally to me, being a teacher (formally) does not. I research, I prepare, I set deadlines, I perform evaluations upon myself. I suppose I do this in some other ways as a mother, but not with the same mentality.

 

Now I also don't consider housework part of my responsibility as a wife or mother. I do them as a shared effort to make this household run smoothly. Dh helps a little, but he earns the money that allows us to buy the things we need and that is his large part of making this household run smoothly.

 

If the laundry starts piling up or if I forget to mop the floor I don't see that as something hugely detrimental. But if I shrink on my job as homeschooling parent, I would be failing and my kids would suffer for it. At that point, I would have to fire myself!

 

Well said!

[Haiku]

Mothering/homeschooling is an all day every day series of tasks, appointments, schedule conflicts, on the job training, managing, etc.

 

 

That could be said of life as well. Is life a job?

 

Tara

[Barb_]

That could be said of life as well. Is life a job?

 

Tara

 

Hmmm, yes I suppose whatever someone does full time every day for a majority of the day is his or her job. That's why the occupation "student" is listed on forms even though few people are paid to spend time studying.

 

Barb

[stripe]

Well, so is "unemployed" and (usually) housewife. I have also been asked to provide an "occupation" for my children (and even a marital status for a 3 year old -- ?!). So I have to list "infant" as their "occupation."

 

That is why I think this notion of "job" is so murky.

[johnandtinagilbert]

Being a wife and a mother is part of my life. I consider homeschooling a full time job. I worked full time, sometimes 2 jobs, from the time I was 17 to when I was 30 when ds was born. So when I say "job" it has no negative connotations and makes me feel more accountable to myself. I approach homeschooling with a different set of organizational skills and mindset than I do my household tasks. It's what works for me and my family.

 

It's my ministry.:D

 

Educating my child is my job. Being a Mama and a partner to my husband are my gifts from God.

:iagree: with everything above.

 

When asked what I do, I say, "I'm a teacher." Home schooling does lead itself to a very personal part of my life, so saying teacher does take care of the work aspect of this season, but overall, I do feel the time spent together b/c of our decision to home school incorporates the mom, wife, minister/teacher parts of our lives and is more just living (like breathing). How BLESSED I am to combine the two and home school. Whatever I call, I'm surely glad to do it!

 

My mother called herself a "domestic engineer" on forms, and had a sign in the kitchen:

 

Quiet, Genius At Work

 

Not having a child with him would has been like dating Chopin and never hearing him play the piano. It is the center of his life.

love that....and really love the comparison.

 

I feel like a queen who can't afford to hire servants. :D

I feel that!:lol:

[Crimson Wife]

Well, so is "unemployed"

 

Ooooooooooooh, this reminds me of a HUGE pet peeve of mine. I LOATHE when I'm forced to pick an occupation from a preset list and there's no "homemaker" or "stay at home parent" option. I could live with "not employed" since that's technically true. But it drives me up a wall when I have to put "unemployed". :cursing: I have NEVER been unemployed. Every time I've desired paid employment, I've had a job. Right now I'm out of the paid labor force by choice, not because I can't find work...

[kpupg]

In these situations, I usually choose "executive" or "manager."

 

I am. So are you.

 

:grouphug:

 

Karen

[Murphy101]

I don't call it my job, but I treat it as a job.

 

Here's how I used to act on my job I had before kids:

 

1. Show up on time.

2. Only do work things during work hours (i.e: I would read during my lunch break, but not any other time.)

3. Some of my tasks at work were boring or difficult, and I just buckled down and did them.

4. Take classes or attend seminars to further my knowledge for the job.

 

I do the exact same things as a homeschooler.

 

1. We start on time.

2. Phone, books, computer are away during hs time.

3. I do the science experiments (and other things) I don't really feel like doing.

4. I constantly read and research how to be better at homeschooling.

 

Ministers, priests, and missionaries don't have jobs? Social workers? Counselors? Teachers? Any or all of those occupations could be described as vocations even though they are also described as jobs. Some people even believe art or music or writing is their God-given purpose. The two are not incompatible.

 

Barb

 

This is where I am at.

 

Work = job to me.

 

I have many jobs. wife, mother, teacher, maid, accountant, vet, taxi...

 

Why is it laudable and noble to be paid to do those things for money from others, but if you do it as your life vocation for free for your family - well that's not a job? Same or harder work to do and sure not much acknowledgement for it.

 

I'm honest. People ask me what I "do" and I respond, "I'm a homeschooling mother of 9." They might think that's not a job or real work. Most though are gracious enough to presume I actually work my bum off and don't question that I have a full time job, whether I call it a job or not.

[Guest janainaz]

I don't consider homeschooling or being a stay-at-home mom my "job", it's just what I do. I definitely work all day, but pretty much doing everything I enjoy. This isn't to say I don't get tired and frustrated, but it's still something I really love. I quit my "job" to stay home and I GET to homeschool. Both are more of a gift and something I'm lucky to do. A job is something you HAVE to do. What I do is something I choose to do. That is the difference to me. I think this is why some people say if you never want to work a day in your life again, do something you love.

[Guest mrs. logic]

So what do you consider your job to be? What about those who don't have a paying job? Is motherhood a job? (Do you identify with Dr Laura, for saying she is her kid's mom?) Is being a homeschooling parent your job? A side gig? A hobby? Something else?

 

Let's discuss! I am always looking for wisdom in this area.

 

I consider being a full time stay at home wife, mother, home schooling parent, small group facilitator and enrichment teacher a full time job. In technical terms I would say "domestic engineer, family manager, and teacher." This is the response I give to people who ask me "What do you do?"

I was informed within the past year by a relative "You don't earn a paycheck and whatever it is you do at home isn't important."

I thought about this for a few seconds and replied "Isn't it interesting the first employment which was given to woman, who happened to be Eve, was that of "domestic engineer, family manager and homeschooling parent?" The relative was left speechless and I have never heard another negative comment come out of their mouth again about what my occupation is.

:D

[KidsHappen]

but maybe that's because running a household of 9 would be impossible without minions. Barb

 

Oh, I want some minions. :tongue_smilie:

[swellmomma]

Being a wife, mother, and homeschooler is my vocation. It is my God-given purpose. I don't have a job.

 

:iagree:Minus the wife part of course.

[stripe]

I was just asked to write my "occupation" on a form for a medical office; I was also asked if I have a job. As part of the follow up I was asked if I lift 20+ lbs at work -- I don't understand how a concern about heavy lifting would apply only to the workplace, anyway. Bleh.

 

Anyway I just decided to put homeschooling parent. Seemed more relevant than anything else. And I'm sick of writing some housewife type description. I am not sure it's perfect but I feel better about it. So thanks, ladies.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Sometimes the occupation line on a medical form is so they know if there are any industrial hazards/chemicals that you could be exposed to. I know that dh has been specifically asked about this.

 

But often I wonder if they ask about an occupation just so they know if you can pay!

[stripe]

That's about the only reason I can come up with where it's actually relevant, but what if someone repairs cars or sprays pesticides all over their garden or refinishes furniture like crazy? And I don't see any correlation with "I'm a maid" therefore I can't pay or "I'm an actress" so I can? Huh?

 

I feel sometimes like it's so they know (or more accurately, think they know) if you are dumb or smart. Which I resent.

[IsabelC]

I call it work, because it is. If somebody asks me whether I work, I usually reply that I am a a full time parent and home educator, and a volunteer worker, but I don't do paid work. Is it a job? Depends on how you define a job.

[Night Elf]

So what do you consider your job to be? What about those who don't have a paying job? Is motherhood a job? (Do you identify with Dr Laura, for saying she is her kid's mom?) Is being a homeschooling parent your job? A side gig? A hobby? Something else?

 

Let's discuss! I am always looking for wisdom in this area.

 

I don't have a job. I do have responsibilities. Yes, I work at many things. My body even works to breathe and pump blood. Again, it's life. In the end, we all likely feel the same way. We're just using different words. I don't consider the responsibilities in my life as jobs, I consider them privileges.

 

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. -- Shakespeare

 

I've never been asked 'what I do'. On anything that asks for Occupation, I leave it blank or write none.

[elise1mds]

I haven't read any of the other responses, so I have no idea what the majority are saying, but I tell people I have three jobs: Mom, home school teacher, and medical transcriptionist, in THAT priority. I would quit MT work in a heartbeat if it started interfering with the other two, and I am not a lifelong home schooler but will do it for as long as my son needs/wishes. :)

[sheryl]

It's my ministry.:D

 

:iagree:

 

I am a wife, mom, a teacher (hs), a housekeeper, a nurse, and warm arms/lap/shoulder with a set of ears to listen.

 

 

I think it is a very important job and I feel honored to be able to do it!

 

:iagree:

 

Being a wife, mother, and homeschooler is my vocation. It is my God-given purpose. I don't have a job.

 

:iagree:

 

 

Yes, a calling, ministry....