When do you stop dressing your kids?

[Haiku]

For the most part I let my kids pick out their own clothes, but it doesn't work very well. They come down in all sorts of inappropriate attire: ripped jeans when we're going to go see Grandma, their best khakis when I they want to go out and play in the snow, etc.

 

I have their drawers arranged so that play clothes are on one side and nice clothes on the other, but they don't take care of their drawers so everything gets jumbled together.

 

I was thinking of making one drawer outfits that I put together, shirt and pants, so they just grab one outfit at a time. I was also thinking of just setting out their clothes for them each day.

 

What do other people do?

 

Tara

[Old Dominion Heather]

Mine dress themselves. They are 10, 7, and 4. I get out the 4yo's clothes for church, but not the others and not the other days. If they put on something inappropriate, I send them up and tell them to try again.

[RebeccaS]

Nice clothes hang in my kids' closets. I do not leave summer clothes in their drawers in fall/winter and vice versa or else they would want to wear them. If it is a play day, I let them dress themselves. If we are going somewhere special requiring something nicer, I pick it out for my boys (they don't seem to care what they wear) and my girls pick out their clothes under my supervision. I will nix unmatched or inappropriate for the situation/weather/whatever clothes. Everyone seems happy with the arrangement thus far.;)

 

Oh and my girls are 6 and 7 and my boys are 4 and 5.

[Haiku]

If they put on something inappropriate, I send them up and tell them to try again.

 

I do that, too. In fact, that's why I started this thread. My son just came down dressed to go out to lunch with family in yesterdays played-outside-in-the-snow clothes, even after I told him to put on something nice. I am getting tired of having to tell them to try again.

 

Tara

[rowan25]

Mine dress themselves. They are 10, 7, and 4. I get out the 4yo's clothes for church, but not the others and not the other days. If they put on something inappropriate, I send them up and tell them to try again.

This with my 5 year old. I still dress my 2 year old. And if we are going somewhere and I want a particular outfit on dd, I will get it out in advance or give her an option of two outfits to choose from. But for the day to day, she does it herself and has to go back if it's inappropriate.

[Dobela]

I think I gave up around that age. My son has things that work well together no matter how he matches them now. He has only denim jeans in assorted styles, sweat pants, sleep pants, and a variety of tshirts for home. In the summer all of his shorts are denim in assorted styles, swim trunks, and, again, t-shirts for the top. The denim last better for his rough play and matches well with any t-shirt he owns :tongue_smilie:. The swim trunks wash and wear well. For nice clothes, I have a few polo style shirts and 2 pair of khaki pants. They hang in his closet and since he finds them uncomfortable we don't have to worry that he will wear them with his denim :D If he was wearing them at the wrong times, I think we might just hang them in mine until needed. I do make sure we have newer t-shirts regularly and one newer pair of jeans for those 'going to town days' where he needs to look nicer but not church ready. As long as they aren't stained, or torn, or too small, we are good to go ;)

[mbeaser]

I'm with Heather, with similar ages (9, 7, 3). They know what their good clothes are, and we also don't go many places so they can wear play clothes a lot (my budget works so much better when I don't leave the house ;)).

 

ETA: I tried pairing up outfits for my 3yo, but she would just grab a shirt from one outfit and pants from another anyway. As long as her shirt covers her tummy and her pants (that aren't capris) cover her ankles and its all relatively unstained...we just flow with it (unless we aren't leaving the house, then I don't care).

Edited December 28, 2009 by mbeaser
addition

[dangermom]

 

Mine dress themselves. ... If they put on something inappropriate, I send them up and tell them to try again.

This is what I do too. I figure it's part of their life skills to learn to dress themselves decently--it just takes a long time! (And remembering the things I used to like to wear at that age....maybe a lack of dress sense is genetic....)

[JoyfulMama]

I simplified it by having "at home" clothes in the drawers, and "going out" clothes on hangers in the closet. "Church clothes" are also in the closet. My 5yo son can handle this pretty well. He can dress himself from the clothes in the drawers, and can easily choose a set of hangers from the closet.

9yo dd has more freedom in "going out" clothes, as hers are not hung in outfits.

3yo - well... she may have some freedom in "at home" clothes as well. Who's going to see her?

[Friederike in Persia]

How about sending them back with specific instructions when you think they should change? That works well with all three of mine though the dds need some talking through my reasoning sometimes. Ds would wear his pyjamas if I asked him to;).

[Nicole M]

My 13 year old son asked me just the other day to pick out his clothes for him, "...cuz you're so good at it, mom!"

 

The trial-and-error method (go back and try again) is not an efficient use of time, mine, yours or theirs, and clearly aggravating you, Tara. Some children need more direction than others. For a while, to simplify our morning routine, I would sit with my boys in their room while they set out their things for the next day. Seven is definitely not too old to give this kind of instruction. If you know you have a special day ahead, pick out their stuff with them, talk it over, and help them with the process the night before.

[elfgivas]

i start by giving them two choices when they're quite little. would you like to wear "x" or "y"? we have little conversations while they dress about stripes and checks, plain colours and patterns, etc.

 

then when they're a bit older we move to "choose what you'd like to wear tomorrow and put it out on your chair". then, i give any additional directions, like "remember we're going hiking" or "to the store", etc. then i get to check it when i tuck them in.

 

enough learning seems to go on so that by the time they're in lower elementary, i can send them off to their rooms mid-day to change clothes for a specific activity and it mostly works out. now, at 9 and 11 the youngers can pack themselves for a week away without much input at all.

it might not be what i would have chosen, but its usually quite acceptable.

 

and for special occasions, i still say "let's go to your room and see what you might wear", and then we decide together.

 

good luck!

ann

[patchfire]

Dd (9) is fairly capable of picking out something appropriate. She'll ask me what the weather is going to be (or, now, check the weather app on her Touch), and then go from there.

 

Ds (4.5) will ask if he should have long sleeves or short sleeves. His clothes are organized by outfit, hanging in the closet. He picks out an outfit based on whether he needs short or long sleeves.

 

Dd (1) gets dressed by me. :)

 

Now... all of this works because 1) only seasonally appropriate clothes are easily accessible at any given time, and 2) all laundry has to be put away at night, so there's no temptation to wear yesterday's clothes again.

 

I still picked out dd's clothes for years because she just didn't care. Still doesn't care all that much. Ds has cared for at least two years, so I had to do this "x, or y" thing much earlier!

[Garga]

I am getting tired of having to tell them to try again.

 

Tara

 

I find those sorts of things to be great learning experiences for the kids. I think it's good to let them "fail" at simple things like this (picking clothes appropriate to the activity) and have to keep doing it over until they get it right. I believe it teaches them to persevere and not give up until something is correct. (But also give a little guidance, make sure they know the difference between play and nice clothes, but then send them back alone to find the appropriate clothes.)

 

If Edison had given up on that lightbulb idea after the 500th try, we'd still be using candles. There's something to be said for 'try and try again'-ing.

[KrissiK]

My kids are 6,5 &3. They can wear whatever they want at home, obviously. When we go out somewhere I tell the boys to get their nice jeans (the ones without holes) on and a shirt from their closet (the decent shirt are hung up). I choose their clothes for church. My daughter (3)- well, we negotiate when we're going somewhere. She definitely has an opinion about everything, so I get out 2-3 outfits and she picks from those.

[Tap]

When dd11 was younger I used to hang up outfits on hangers. The lower bar was play clothes, the top bar was nice clothes. She has misc items too in a dresser to fill in. This worked well for us when she was little because she could still pick what outfit she wanted.

 

 

She is the type of person who purposefully mismatches, I am the type of person who likes socks to coordinate. As she got older and started picking her own outfits more I decided...It was a hill I was not to die on! I must approve outfits that are going out of the house, but for play clothes I let it go. She will wear CRAZY things. I just let it go. Our deal works out well, because she knows that I let her get her way most of the time, and when I want her to match, it is only for a short period of time, and she can deal with that. Although, I know that her socks...will never, ever, ever match, but they will coordinate with her outfit. I just don't look :0)

 

DD4 doesn't have a hanging rod to use, so I fold up outfits with the shirt/dress wrapped around the pants and socks, to make one outfit folded together. It makes it much easier to dress her because I can just grab and go. She doesn't seem to care what she is wearing as much as dd11.

[cathmom]

my 4 yo twins dress themselves. Dressy clothes are out of their reach.

[AnitaMcC]

With my youngest two... I keep their dress clothes in my closet. The 10yr old is usually pretty good about understanding what is appropriate to wear. I just have to get stricter a bit with him if I want him really dressed up (he does not like shirts with collars-LOL).

 

Now youngest is the most difficult. All he wants to wear are track pants (we call them squishy pants-LOL). He hates pants with with snaps/zippers/buttons, jeans. He will fight to death over pants. He just doesn't like the feel of some pants and he struggles with snaps/zippers/buttons. He is on the autism spectrum and clothes are just one area that I don't fight with him about... unless it is really special (weddings, graduations, etc). These very rare occassions and he handles it okay... since they are rare-LOL.

 

My twins are a pain at times too-LOL. They are 14 and have their own ideas about clothes. Ds isn't so bad... I just have to pay attention to when he outgrows clothes and helping him match clothes (he can get wild in his choice of what matches). He has no fashion sense-LOL. His likes are pretty easy to deal with (jeans, dockers, polo shirts, t-shirts). Dd is so very anti-skirts/dresses/girly styles. She pretty much only wears black, brown, navy blue jeans/t-shirts. Mostly black-LOL. She will not wear anything that looks girlish (no pink, pastels, flowers, frills, lace, etc).

[swimmermom3]

My 13 year old son asked me just the other day to pick out his clothes for him, "...cuz you're so good at it, mom!"

 

The trial-and-error method (go back and try again) is not an efficient use of time, mine, yours or theirs, and clearly aggravating you, Tara. Some children need more direction than others. For a while, to simplify our morning routine, I would sit with my boys in their room while they set out their things for the next day. Seven is definitely not too old to give this kind of instruction. If you know you have a special day ahead, pick out their stuff with them, talk it over, and help them with the process the night before.

 

:iagree: If I send a child back, I explain why their current choices are inappropriate and then ask if there is something in their closet that would be better suited. That is usually enough of a discussion. It doesn't mean that the child changes their clothing happily necessarily but they do change it. My youngest thinks that gym shorts and his swim club t-shirt are appropriate attire 365 days of the year. I have been known to let him live with his choice on a day when the temperatures are hovering in the low 50's. He knows enough to not comment on how cold he is and slowly he has learned to believe Mom when she says it is cold outside and to dress appropriately.

 

So, appropriate instruction and consequences that you both can live with.

[eternalknot]

My 9 year old doesn't care what he wears - sometimes he'll chose, sometimes he'll just have me choose. He likes to match, and does a good job of selecting clothes based upon the company and event. But he doesn't care if I'd rather him wear something specific to see certain people or do certain things.

 

My 4 year old likes to check the weather on the iPhone. Then she spends an hour selecting her outfit. She changes 3-4 times a day, depending on what we're doing or where we're going. She's been like this since she was about 2 and learned how to dress and undress herself. If I know we're going somewhere the next day, I'll have her do her routine the night before - she'll get to choose one "cool weather outfit" and one "warm weather outfit" and then the next day it's just a matter of checking the weather and deciding between the two preselected outfits. I hang them and all accessories in the bathroom and make sure to keep her far away from the closet lest she change her mind and want to try on another five outfits!

 

But in general, clothes don't bother me. I don't care if the kids match, or not. I'll suggest, but not "make"

them choose weather-appropriate attire, that's up to them to do (or suffer uncomfortably). I don't designate between play clothes and non-play clothes. My daughter likes to wear her fancy church clothes and shoes on a daily basis, that's fine by me since she outgrows them so quickly anyhow. She doesn't mind doing her own laundry (which became a condition of her many wardrobe changes once it got to a riduculous number)

[Laura Corin]

My boys mostly live in play clothes and choose their own combinations. If I think they need to be wearing something nicer, I just send them back to find something.

 

Laura

[LibraryLover]

If we have somewhere nice to go, I often suggest a couple of outfits. For ds, I might say, "Plain shirt, no wirting" or "Colored navy polo" To the girls I might say 'Wear your peasant skirt" etc. Otherwise I don't care one bit what they wear.

[Rosy]

I rarely pick clothes for DS7 and DD9, and will give guidance to DD6 and DD4 on appropriate color/style matching, etc. I'll let them know ahead of time if they're dressing for something where a specific type of outfit is appropriate and let them try to figure it out. Usually with the older ones, the most I'll have to do is tell them their clothes are dirty or too ratty for leaving the house in and they need to change. The younger ones will try, and if they don't get it quite right I'll give them some appropriate choices.

[DawnM]

My kids know T-shirts and jeans/sweats/shorts for around town or at home;

and khakis with a shirt with buttons (oxford or polo) for church or nicer events.

 

They do have a dress suit each, but they wouldn't even try to wear those as they hate them! We were blessed with them as a hand me down when my boys were in a wedding a year ago.

 

I try to minimize their clothing selections and only have the 3 categories above. However, they naturally gravitate towards jeans/shorts and a T-shirt so I do pick out their Sunday church clothes. Otherwise they are usually fine with what they pick out.

 

Dawn

[Haiku]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I think I will hang their nicer outfits in the closet and leave the rest of their clothes in the drawer so that, if we are going somewhere that requires a bit nicer dress, I can say, "Pick something from your closet." That should clear up any confusion for them.

 

I don't care at all what they wear at home or if we are going to the park, to play with friends, etc. But when we are visiting family or going out to eat, etc., I want them to look decently well cared for. ;)

 

Tara

[Hedgehogs4]

my son likes for me to pick his clothes when he needs to look nice. Otherwise i give him parameters when he goes to get dressed. "It's cold, you'll need a sweatshirt, no holes in the jeans today, we're going out."

 

my 4-year-old loves to dress herself, and when we're just staying home, I let her. two days ago she came down with the red floral bottoms to her kimono and a dark purple sweatshirt, proud as punch she had dressed herself. She stayed like that all day. today we have to take the cats to the vet...i'll provide some assistance. :D

[ChristusG]

Are my kids the only ones who do not care what they wear? LOL

 

They are 5 and 2. Occasionally, I will give them a choice....I'll hold up two shirts and say "Which one?" But 99% of the time I just put clothes on them and they don't care what they are wearing.

 

So I still dress my two kids.

[Jan in SC]

My guys are 7, 8, & 9 and I set out their clothes every day. If I forget, then they choose and it will look like we are going on a hay ride followed by a trek through the mud!

 

I am not even buying "play clothes." They have clothes for specific sports instead, and this has helped some. I wouldn't care as much, but they complain like an arm might fall off if they have to change during the day.

[Punks in Ontario]

I started teaching them when they were toddlers. By the time they were 2 or 2 1/2, all of them could dress themselves. When we're going somewhere, I would pick their clothes for them.

 

FWIW, I still have to tell the 11yo to go change into something better when we're going out. The little guys I still have to help with about half the time. The other half, they get it more or less right. It would likely go easier if they had more nice clothing instead of a bunch of used clothes.

[Sherri in MI]

Ds, now 11 has been putting his own clothes on since he was 3. But I would pick them out at first and eventually put outfits folded together in his drawer. He does okay now with dressing for church, but with casual clothes he mix and matches so badly compared to when he was 7 or 8! He also has a lot of pants with holes in them (I can't afford to keep up) and I often have to send him back to change into something without holes when we go out.

 

We have church clothes in the closet and play clothes in the drawers