Santa or No Santa??

[Audrey]

We don't do santa claus because it's a lie. :glare:

 

The anagram for santa is SATAN!!

 

 

If you buy that one, you should also know that the anagram for god is dog. I see altars to Lassie and Rin-Tin-Tin in your future.

[TheCoffeeChick]

If you buy that one, you should also know that the anagram for god is dog. I see altars to Lassie and Rin-Tin-Tin in your future.

 

 

heehee

 

:lol:

[Haiku]

Is having a Santa tradition really "lying" or is it just simple fantasy play?

 

With my first child, I was really uptight about the Santa thing. I didn't want to do Christmas to begin with, because we aren't Christian, but it's really hard to escape Christmas, so we do it. But I was also really concerned about the lying thing. I don't really know why, because I never felt lied to. I think I just got caught up in the hip idea that Santa was a relic of the pre-AP-crunchy-enlightened parenting past. I also didn't want the focus of Christmas to be on "whatamIgonnaget?"

 

I have lightened up considerably over the years. One of my kids doesn't believe in Santa, one isn't sure (but DEFINITELY believes in fairies and unicorns), and one believes in Santa. In our family, Santa brings the stocking stuffers. Of course Christmas is about "whatamIgonnaget." If I'm honest with myself, that's what it is for me, too. (I am wicked stoked that my dh got me an iPod Touch.) We see our families frequently, so the whole "Christmas is a time for spending time with family" thing isn't a big deal. We do lots of volunteer work in the community and support charitable causes year-round, so the whole "Christmas is a time for giving" thing isn't a big deal for us. Christmas is about getting stuff! Our kids don't ask for things for Christmas. We made it quite clear that we aren't setting up that expectation. They get what we choose to give them, and we keep it small, so, although the kids are excited and enjoy Christmas, it doesn't take over our lives and it's not a consumer free-for-all.

 

Anyway, I don't think Santa is lying. Kids create and pretend and believe all kinds of things, and they enjoy it. I have heard a few people say that they are still bitter about being "lied to" about Santa, and I honestly feel like, "If that's all you have to spend your time worrying about, you're truly blessed."

 

That's probably way beyond the scope of your question, but what it comes down to is, Christmas is fun and thinking a giant elf brings presents is fun, too. We treat it lightheartedly and I enjoy Christmas a lot more than I did when I was all bunged up about doing it "right."

 

Tara

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

My daughter was incredibly hurt when she found out that there was no Santa. I never had told her Santa was real, but we played the game: a specially wrapped present, milk and cookies, Santa at the mall, letters sent to the North Pole. She loved it all but began question at 8. I would just say," What do you think?" Finally at 11 she insisted on a straight answer, so I gave her one. It broke her heart.

 

She would never let me do anything Santa-ish for her little brothers. That was ok, but I was sorry that some of the fun had gone out of our Christmas celebration. Looking back, I would probably have tried to get her to see the light at a younger age. It never occurred to me that it would impact her so much, because I don't remember ever really believing as a child, I just thought it was fun.

[Rosie_0801]

I am hoping this won't turn into an argument, but I am asking because I am feeling conflicted. I am interested in knowing your reasons for or against "doing Santa" with your kids.

Is having a Santa tradition really "lying" or is it just simple fantasy play? What are your thoughts?

 

In my opinion, Santa is a pretend game some people like to play at Christmas, and that's what I'll tell my kids. Then I'll instruct them on how important it is not to spoil anyone else's fun with "not real!" revelations!

 

Dh has a Christian background and does not appreciate the commercialism of Santa. I'm not interested highlighting a character born from a Coca Cola advert, and think that if Daddy works hard to pay for presents, and Mamma works hard to make others, they are the ones who deserve the credit!

 

Rosie

[Hedgehogs4]

My opinion about the advent season and Santa is this: St. Nick was a bishop who followed Christ's command to "not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing" and gave selflessly and cheerfully to those in need, with no desire of recognition.

 

Advent is the season which is meant to prepare our hearts for the coming of Christ. It has become the season of teaching our children to prepare their hearts for the coming of Santa. To my mind, that is idolatry.

 

We tell the truth to our children about St. Nicholas, and how he was a Godly man who wanted people to know Christ. They know that he is not alive, but is in heaven with Jesus, but we still celebrate and remember him by observing the Feast of St. Nicholas on Dec. 6. We do stockings and if there is a need, a secret gift to someone in need, and then for the rest of advent we focus on Jesus.

 

hth.

[Tracy in Ky]

See, I don't think that putting presents under the tree after the dc are in bed is "doing Santa." It would only be "doing Santa" if you said that Santa put the gifts out.

 

Oh--well then I guess we don't do Santa.:)

[Jenny in Atl]

I'm constantly amazed at how uneventful my upbringing was. We did the whole Santa thing, and none of us were upset to find out Santa (St. Nick) was no longer with us. I never thought my parents lied, but instead kept a fun tradition alive, much like the Easter bunny, St. Valentines, Halloween...

 

Even though my folks were not religious, I knew all about Jesus not being born on the 25th, the pagan roots of the Yuletide season, etc. My mom, being the anglophile she is, took us to Midnight Mass, had a tree, made cookies, and embraced all the simple pleasure of the season. We lived in an area with a large Italian/Irish Catholic population, so Santa & Jesus were everywhere to be found, and never confused. We also had a large number of moderate to reformed Jews in our neighborhood, so Chanukah was also very much in the mix.

 

I've raised my two, in much the same way. Neither really can remember when they learned Santa was not an actual man coming down the chimney. Just as they somehow figured out Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews) or Peter Pan (Mary Martin) were not really able to fly; It was just a natural progression from young child to logical kid.

[Haiku]

 

The anagram for santa is SATAN!!

 

Are you being serious? The anagram for god is dog. Does that actually mean anything?

 

Tara

[HRAAB]

I'm constantly amazed at how uneventful my upbringing was. We did the whole Santa thing, and none of us were upset to find out Santa (St. Nick) was no longer with us. I never thought my parents lied, but instead kept a fun tradition alive, much like the Easter bunny, St. Valentines, Halloween...

 

 

I've raised my two, in much the same way. Neither really can remember when they learned Santa was not an actual man coming down the chimney. Just as they somehow figured out Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews) or Peter Pan (Mary Martin) were not really able to fly; It was just a natural progression from young child to logical kid.

 

:iagree: Santa never caused any upset in my life nor in my children's lives. We still do Santa although everyone knows he's not an actual person.

[ereks mom]

My 2 older kids figured it out by 8 1/2 or 9. It was not traumatic. My dd said "OH, that explains alot!". We watch the dvd "nicholas the boy who became santa" by CCC. They have watched it enough by the time the are ready to know - it is natural for them to realize there once was a Santa (St. Nicholas) who gave gifts and when he died parents decided to take over and be "Santa" (St. Nick). So, since I am Santa - I don't feel it's a lie. The movie has a great way of bringing this idea home without giving things away to those who still believe.

 

 

We bought the video when our kids were small, and watched it together. They figured out the whole Santa thing by about the same age as your kids. However, they still play along with the Santa thing, even now, at ages 15 & 19!

[TXMary2]

We do Santa. My parents did Santa when I was a kid. I love the magic of Christmas. Honestly I do not even remember the moment when I found out that Santa wasn't real....so it must not have been too traumatic LOL.

 

I know some people say that they do not want their kids to be confused and think that Jesus is not real either, but that never happened to me. Santa didn't effect what I believed about Jesus. And with our family, Jesus is someone we talk to all year long, He is our main focus in daily life, and we revolve our school curriculum around Him. We pray multiple times a day and sing songs about Jesus all year long. Our focus on Jesus is much more than just several weeks per year, as Santa is. I do not believe my kids will be confused about Jesus being real.

 

 

Great point at the end there! This should have been obvious to me, but sometimes I just need to see/hear it from someone else.

[Susan in KY]

I am hoping this won't turn into an argument, but I am asking because I am feeling conflicted. I am interested in knowing your reasons for or against "doing Santa" with your kids.

...

Is having a Santa tradition really "lying" or is it just simple fantasy play? What are your thoughts?

 

Well, we wanted to make sure when we told the dc about Jesus, they would know without a shadow of a doubt we were serious. So, we told them the story of St. Nicholas, how he was a real man who once lived in Turkey, how he tossed money in a stocking down through a chimney for some girls who needed to get married to decent men but didn't have the means because their father was so poor.

 

Then we hang up our stockings, and we play the "St. Nicholas game" (i.e., be good and St. Nicholas brings you a small gift in your stocking instead of coal), but they've always known it is make believe. We want to remember St Nick because he was good and generous, etc, and we want to be good and generous, too.

 

It seems to me that they never missed any fun, they got to enjoy the fantasy, and we didn't lie.

 

I guess all that is moot for you because you've been doing Santa, but maybe you could do a unit on early Christianity and talk about St. Nick?

 

Susan

[jujsky]

We do Santa and I still believe. I may be the one putting out the presents but it is in the spirit of Santa's giving. I think these sorts of dreams and beliefs make Christmas a more magical time where we can all hope and dream that things are peaceful, and that people are generous and giving and that magic can happen, dreams can come true and prayers can be answered.

 

I guess I believe more in the magic of Santa and that is what I teach my children to believe in as well. Even if they don't believe that it is actually Santa coming down the chimney they believe that Christmas is a special time where peace happens in families and dreams come true.

 

:001_smile:

:iagree: Beautifully said!

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

We don't do santa claus because it's a lie. :glare:

 

The anagram for santa is SATAN!!

 

Or, even worse: NASTA !!!

[Jennifer in MI]

We do Santa. My parents did Santa when I was a kid. I love the magic of Christmas. Honestly I do not even remember the moment when I found out that Santa wasn't real....so it must not have been too traumatic LOL.

 

I know some people say that they do not want their kids to be confused and think that Jesus is not real either, but that never happened to me. Santa didn't effect what I believed about Jesus. And with our family, Jesus is someone we talk to all year long, He is our main focus in daily life, and we revolve our school curriculum around Him. We pray multiple times a day and sing songs about Jesus all year long. Our focus on Jesus is much more than just several weeks per year, as Santa is. I do not believe my kids will be confused about Jesus being real.

 

:iagree: So I know it seems like I'm stalking you, but I totally agree with this!!

[Jennifer in MI]

Or, even worse: NASTA !!!

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Seriously - I laughed out loud!!!!!

[AuntieM]

Or, even worse: NASTA !!!

 

:eek:

HORRORS!

 

Seriously, LOL!

[Tess in the Burbs]

I should add that years ago my dad started giving us Santa heads for decorations and we have 10 now as well as a nice framed old world Santa.....so there is "santa" in the house.....like the dancing santa toy....

 

but we don't do "santa" presents. The kids know it's a story. we just don't read it in our home or do the present thing....

[coralloyd]

Just a word from a girl who grew up with her parents telling her the truth about Santa. I do not feel like I missed anything at all as a child. Christmas was and is always magical for me. I go crazy with the decorating and festivities :D. I'm am just plain giddy this time of year.

 

I never doubted my mother word. As far as I know she has never lied to me. I trust her completely. When I say to my dc, "Mama never lies to you." I mean it. I HATE lying. It is a very important to me that my dc can and do trust me. I don't want to do anything to hinder that.

[IsabelC]

I think you can have your cake and eat it. Do whatever Santa traditions and activities you like, but present it as an interesting cultural myth rather than a literally true thing. Depending on dc age and interest, you can give them lots of historical perspective, with St Nicholas stories and many other things that have fed into the whole tradition, right through to the Coca Cola Santa image. If you know anybody who would be distraught if you "ruined" it for their children, you can warn your children about this too.

 

 

 

 

ETA, here is something I wrote a couple of years ago to explain our reasons for not "doing santa". I should clarify that in this instance, I'm really talking about the idea of directly telling children Santa is a real, (currently) living person, and actively trying to prolong your children's belief in Santa beyond its natural time. This is not the same as asking what they think, or talking about some sort of "spirit" of Christmas, or whatever.

 

Top Ten Reasons We Don't Do Santa

1. Santa is commonly used as a lazy method of controlling children. I have many times heard an exasperated parent resort to the threat of “You’d better lift your game / behave yourself / do what you’re told, or Santa won’t bring you anything!” Not only is the parent in this situation using an ineffective and possibly harmful discipline technique, but she is also refusing to take responsibility herself, instead blaming Santa. “Do what I say or I’ll smack you / put you in the naughty corner/other consequence” would be far more honest.

 

2. It teaches children to sit on the lap of a strangely dressed old man they have never seen before, in the expectation of a reward. You might be laughing, but consider this. At the Royal Hobart Show a young boy became separated from his parents. He was approached by a man who bought him treats and rides before luring him away to a house and raping him. I do not know anything about this child’s family background, and terrible things can undoubtedly happen to anyone's child, but I would suggest that a Santa-trained child would be more likely to become a victim in this scenario, having learnt the idea of doing what a stranger asks in order to earn a reward.

 

3. It also teaches children the importance of presents over presence, and reinforces the notion that buying things is the most (or even only) appropriate way to show affection. Santa is somebody whom they rarely or never see, but whose entire purpose is to give them things. Whether we celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Solstice, family togetherness or anything else, most people would agree that the current heavy emphasis on consumerism is not what we want for our children.

 

4. Teaching belief in Santa is lying to children. Oh come on, you say, it’s just a little white lie. I say that children are people and deserve to be told the truth. I need a very good reason to justify telling my children lies, and simple convenience or amusement are not sufficient reasons. I would not tell them that the bogeyman will come and gobble them up if they are not ‘good’, so why would I tell them that Santa will bring them presents if they are ‘good’?

 

5. As well as being wrong, lying to children is a breach of trust. Once you start, you either have to admit to your children that you deceived them, or think up more and more complicated ways to continue. Many parents see preserving their childrens’ belief in Santa for as long as possible as an amusing game. Recently a few parents shared with me the various strategies they are using to prevent their children from ‘finding out’. One child, for example, had thought of the objection that many houses do not have chimneys, and asked how Santa would get in to these houses. The parent gave the clever explanation that these days, he has a spare key to each house so he no longer needs a chimney to gain entry. This could be a harmless game, in which the child does not actually believe the response, some verbal sparring if you like. On the other hand, if the child believes her mother, this will eventually undermine her trust, not to mention the immediate effects of discouraging her powers of reason and possibly making her feel insecure because people could be sneaking into the house at night.

 

6. One criticism I hear often is that children need make believe, and believing in things that do not exist is an essential part of healthy childhood. I certainly agree that children tend to have a rich imaginative life, but this has nothing to do with whether or not their families ‘do Santa’. In fact the Santa myth does not nurture childrens’ fantasies, and it may it impede them by making them believe something prepackaged and very limited. If children are not taught to believe in Santa, they will nevertheless readily fabricate their own fantasy worlds according their unique personalities. It can easily be seen that millions of children growing up in non-Santa cultures have the same imaginative faculty as Santa-trained children.

 

7. A related point many Santa proponents make is that Santa fosters the children’s ‘sense of wonder’. I would suggest that any child who needs Santa to bring out her natural sense of wonder must have a very impoverished environment indeed. Are there not enough amazing and miraculous things in the real of world of nature, technology and human experience? My children are quite content to marvel at how their tadpoles are metamorphosing into frogs without having to worry about how an overweight Coca Cola marketing device might manage to get down our chimney.

 

8. But what about the ritual of it all? Many children love to hang up Christmas stockings and leave out various treats for Santa and his reindeer. Again, I agree wholeheartedly that ritual can be an important aspect of our lives, and that applies to children too. But why prioritise one particular ritual? One whose origins the average parent knows little or nothing about? There are plenty of ways families can introduce rituals that focus on family togetherness, caring for others, caring for the environment or the Christian meaning of Christmas, according to their beliefs and priorities. Anyway, Santa ritual doesn't have to mean literal belief in Santa. My parents gave me a "Santa" present every year, but I always knew it was from them.

 

9. Santa is also exclusive in nature. Children who do not get Christmas presents for whatever reason, or who only get small gifts, may believe that they are somehow ‘bad’ because Santa has not approved of them. Some parents spend money they cannot afford because they do not want their children to receive less from Santa than other children. It is quite common for Jewish children to believe that Santa exists, but only visits Christian children! How would this make them feel about their religion and culture? What would it teach the Christian children?

 

10. Will children feel left out if they do not believe in Santa? Well maybe, but I doubt it. By ‘not doing Santa’, we do not forbid our children to receive a present, draw a picture of Santa or even see Santa in the shopping centre. We simply do not tell them that he is a literally real, supernatural phenomenon. Our children can get what they want to out of it, without being deceived and possibly suffering later on when they find out that their parents have been tricking them for years. And in any case, children need to learn that it is OK to be different, and that everybody has different opinions and beliefs. Of course, this also means that they must learn to respect others, so we do remind them not to spoil the Santa game for other children!

Edited December 4, 2009 by Hotdrink

[OrganicAnn]

We tell our DD that Santa Claus was a person a long time ago that started a tradition of giving one gift to kids so that they would remember Jesus' birthday. We also talk about other traditions. We don't explicitly say there is no Santa and we don't say that there is a Santa. So she can decide to pretend to believe if that makes her happy and yet she isn't being fooled. I guess we're trying to have the best of both worlds.

[abbeyej]

I think it can be all in fun unless you actually tell a child outright that Santa is real and is giving him presents. Then it's lying, imo. If you're all actually *pretending* together, and you all know that it's pretend, that is different, and fine, imo. But if a child feels angry or betrayed to hear the truth, then in my opinion you've gone too far with it. My own mom went way too far with the Santa story. I was devastated when I learned the truth. I wasn't so much upset that Santa wasn't real, but that my mom had lied to me, for so long. I felt like I couldn't fully believe what she told me after that. This is why I would agree that it could possibly challenge children's faith in spiritual things-- it could undermine their trust in what you tell them is real.

 

I agree. We "do" Santa, but it's more like playing a game. We have never told our children that Santa is real, and we have celebrated St Nicholas Day with reading legends of the "real" Saint Nicholas and talking about how he wanted to tell children about Jesus (a good thing to remember at the beginning of Advent), and how he performed charitable acts in secret, not to gain praise, but for the good of the people he helped...

 

We enjoy having chocolate coins in shoes each year. (The other day we were at the store and ds said to dd, "Come on, F-, we need to go over there so we won't see Mom buying the St Nicholas coins," lol...) We have stockings at Christmas. The kids *know* that all of the presents and stocking gifts come from dh and me. Sometimes they've even seen something special and suggested it to me as a stocking gift for their sibling (or even given me something to put in). *Sometimes* they *choose* to "believe" for a little while. They laugh about waiting up to see Santa Claus and catch him, or some such. But they also know perfectly well that it's just a delightful game that we like to play as a family.

 

(I've also had to remind them not to tell other children that "Santa really died 400 years ago" or some such... But so far they've never destroyed some other child's belief, and I think we're basically past the ages when that would be a concern.)

 

We love doing Santa Claus! :) But I've never been comfortable with lying to my kids (though I'm not above being evasive about whether or not there's chocolate somewhere in the house...) I feel that this is a good balance.

[Guest janainaz]

We do Santa and all the rest.

 

I struggled several years back and it was because I was in the whole Christian circle that had so many differing views on it. My son's homeschool PE coach yelled at the kids and told them, "Christmas is NOT about presents, it's about Jesus!" I was not happy with the guilt trip he placed on their hearts. I had friends that did not put a tree up and were totally against bringing Santa into the whole holiday. My husband read me some articles on the real origin of Christmas and how the whole thing started and it helped me make peace with what it means to me personally. God never said in the Bible to make a holiday out of the birth of Christ.

 

I have wonderful memories of Christmas as a kid and I want my kids to have the same childhood experience. We do a lot of celebrating at Christmas, but it's all based on stuff we do together to make memories. We make them all year, but Christmas is special. My 9 year old son figured out the Santa thing on his own, but we've never talked about it. I just know that he knows. He was not devasted, he understands the fun of it and I see him making it fun for his little brother.

 

My dad always made everything fun and I still carry the warmth that he put into the season with me. I was raised Catholic and celebrating the birth of Christ was a big deal. Believing in Santa did not ever make me question the validity and realness of Christ. In fact, all the love that my father showed me actually brought out the spirit of Christ in all of it. I never saw it as being lied to when I found out. I got to see my dad's kid side and it connected me to him - doing Santa brought out his fun personality.

 

Everyone has to follow their own heart and I don't think there is a wrong or right.

[Joanne]

We did Santa. We don't consider it a lie (and neither do any of my now non believing kids). It was family playfulness.

 

I personally remember a non traumatic slow realization, and that is how my kids processed it as well.

 

They liked believing.

 

They get that, for us, Jesus is the reason for the holiday season. Also having Santa did not interfere with them spiritually.

 

Do Santa, or don't do Santa, just don't make sweeping generalizations about the other "side".

[IsabelC]

Do Santa, or don't do Santa, just don't make sweeping generalizations about the other "side".

Very good advice!

I was just really surprised to read that the OP had been copping flak for doing Santa though, because IME it's always been the other way, most people do it and you get picked on for not. I have actually, no joke, been told we are ABUSIVE for not doing Santa sufficiently :glare: (hence my post from 2 years ago was probably a bit defensive - I should probably have edited it so say 'could', 'might', 'sometimes', etc)

[zaichiki]

My 2 older kids figured it out by 8 1/2 or 9. It was not traumatic. My dd said "OH, that explains alot!". We watch the dvd "nicholas the boy who became santa" by CCC. They have watched it enough by the time the are ready to know - it is natural for them to realize there once was a Santa (St. Nicholas) who gave gifts and when he died parents decided to take over and be "Santa" (St. Nick). So, since I am Santa - I don't feel it's a lie. The movie has a great way of bringing this idea home without giving things away to those who still believe.

 

Barb

 

I love this DVD. We've always done Santa here, but we've also watched this DVD *every* year. When they are ready, they will make the connection. We also watch The Santa Clause every year, which, I think, shows how much fun it is to pretend.

 

One thing we *never* do is answer any of their questions about Santa with a lie. (I admit I will dodge the questions when they're young, though.) I'd prefer that they come to accept things on their own terms and be content with the answers they find.

 

ETA: We also celebrate New Year's Day with Dyed Maroz (Grandfather Frost). We've always told the kids that "this is the way Russians do Santa." Dyed Maroz has no reindeer and there are other differences. Although we've never said "Santa is real," we've also never said "Santa is just pretend." Instead, the kids have grown up with us talking about Santa coming, waking up to eaten cookies and filled stockings, talking about the way other cultures "do Santa," watching a video about St. Nicholas and how he "became Santa," and watching lots of movies/reading lots of books that all portray Santa differently. Over the years they just put 2 and 2 together, there is never any lying, and they still get to enjoy the Santa tradition.

Edited December 4, 2009 by zaichiki

[coralloyd]

I forgot to say that even though I am personally against "believing in" Santa. We still watch all the fun Santa movies and have a couple of Santa decorations. I just tell my dc about St. Nick and how he has become the tradtion of Santa.

[OnTheBrink]

We don't do Santa because it is a lie.

 

Same here.

 

In fantasy play, at then end of it, the child knows it wasn't real and goes back to everyday life. To me, that's different than continually promoting Santa as a real person, then when the child is 11 or 12, saying, "Sorry, we made it up! LOL"

 

That said, I have no real opinion on whether someone else does the Santa thing or not. It's not a hill I plan to climb, much less die on. For us, though, no Santa.

[*********]

Same here.

 

In fantasy play, at then end of it, the child knows it wasn't real and goes back to everyday life. To me, that's different than continually promoting Santa as a real person, then when the child is 11 or 12, saying, "Sorry, we made it up! LOL"

 

That said, I have no real opinion on whether someone else does the Santa thing or not. It's not a hill I plan to climb, much less die on. For us, though, no Santa.

 

This is what we do and how I feel, too.

 

What really bugs me is when every adult in the universe feels the need to ask my boys 'What are you asking Santa for this Christmas?'. Good grief, around here it's nearly criminal to NOT do Santa. And the looks we get when we tell them that we don't 'do' Santa. Ugh. I don't lecture you about *doing Santa, do I? Nope.

 

We also don't do the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, or Halloween. So please don't ask my kids what they're going to dress up as, what the Easter Bunny brought them, or how much the tooth fairy left them for their missing tooth. :D Unless you're willing to act in a civilized manner when you discover not everyone in the world is just like you or your family. :tongue_smilie:

[musicianmom]

Same here.

 

In fantasy play, at then end of it, the child knows it wasn't real and goes back to everyday life. To me, that's different than continually promoting Santa as a real person, then when the child is 11 or 12, saying, "Sorry, we made it up! LOL"

 

That said, I have no real opinion on whether someone else does the Santa thing or not. It's not a hill I plan to climb, much less die on. For us, though, no Santa.

 

Totally agree with this. It's not "fantasy" if I'm doing everything possible to convince my kids that it's reality. I would feel that I was taking advantage of their naivete and willingness to believe whatever I told them, so that *I* could have an "Awww, isn't that so cute and sweet" moment.

 

My husband and I are taking a hands-off approach. If our kids pick up on the Santa thing and want to believe, we'll listen to them and keep quiet about it. But no way am I going to attempt to persuade them of something that's a complete fabrication.

[Tam101]

I haven't read all the reply's too many! LOL

 

We do Santa to certain extent. Our kids never believed him to be real, or the Tooth-Fairy, but we still go through the motions. The Tooth-Fairy visits even though they always knew it was us and Santa leaves us a family gift, normally a board game we can play together.

[nrg]

and Santa is pretend. From the beginning. Reminders. We all knew we were playing a game with stockings to be filled, etc. I even put things in stockings that they had seen around the house. We talked about the Santa decorations we saw in stores. We knew who was playing Santa at our CHristmas party, etc. Yet my boys all swear they saw the sleigh flying across the sky when we were out caroling on Christmas Eve, that they heard his jingling bells as he filled their stockings. I said nothing. They wanted it to be true, so they pretended, too.

 

Now that they are young adults, they have all said this is the way they want it to be handled. No confusion about what is real in Christmas and what is not, with room for active imaginations. They are glad their parents told them the truth, and glad for the magical feel the pretending gave.

 

NOte: We ahd to warn them about educationg their friends.

[abbeyej]

We don't do Santa because it is a lie.

 

But it's only a lie if you lie about it. "Doing" Santa doesn't have to mean pretending that real Coca-Cola commercial of a fellow squeezes down your chimney and leaves presents that were made by elves (before being stamped "made in China")... We pretend. The kids pretend along. I have never, ever lied about Santa to my kids, but we all take joy in the *game* of Santa and the kids have taken pleasure in playing Santa to others since they were old enough to wad a bit of wrapping paper around whatever toy they found under their beds... ;)

 

Certainly there are people to whom "doing Santa" means elaborate deceptions. I can't support that. But it doesn't *have* to mean those things. It *can* mean learning the history of the tradition, and enjoying continuing some of those traditions in full knowledge, but with a twinkle in the eye.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

they still play along with the Santa thing, even now, at ages 15 & 19!

 

My son too . . . what's wrong with having a little Holiday fun! :001_smile:

[TheCoffeeChick]

This is what we do and how I feel, too.

 

What really bugs me is when every adult in the universe feels the need to ask my boys 'What are you asking Santa for this Christmas?'. Good grief, around here it's nearly criminal to NOT do Santa. And the looks we get when we tell them that we don't 'do' Santa. Ugh. I don't lecture you about *doing Santa, do I? Nope.

 

We also don't do the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, or Halloween. So please don't ask my kids what they're going to dress up as, what the Easter Bunny brought them, or how much the tooth fairy left them for their missing tooth. :D Unless you're willing to act in a civilized manner when you discover not everyone in the world is just like you or your family. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

This frustrates me too. Most people we know don't know we don't do Santa -actually I don't know if they do it either - I just don't go around talking about it for no reason. The thing that gets me though is how when a person finds out we don't do it and they feel the need to defend Santa. :001_huh: I DO NOT CARE if they do Santa or not!! LOL :tongue_smilie: It really isn't that big of a deal to me. Does it really make those who choose to do Santa THAT uncomfortable that they need to get angry at me? Strange, because I don't feel angry at those who celebrate Christmas with Santa. ;)

 

In the end, we've just learned to smile and pass the bean dip! LOL

[AuntieM]

This frustrates me too. Most people we know don't know we don't do Santa -actually I don't know if they do it either - I just don't go around talking about it for no reason. The thing that gets me though is how when a person finds out we don't do it and they feel the need to defend Santa. :001_huh: I DO NOT CARE if they do Santa or not!! LOL :tongue_smilie: It really isn't that big of a deal to me. Does it really make those who choose to do Santa THAT uncomfortable that they need to get angry at me? Strange, because I don't feel angry at those who celebrate Christmas with Santa. ;)

 

In the end, we've just learned to smile and pass the bean dip! LOL

 

I think I posted this on the spinoff thread, but I'll share it again. We prepared our children for the many times they will be asked this question by well-meaning others, "Is Santa coming to visit you this year?"

 

(big smile)

 

"No. But I will get nice presents from my mom and dad who love me very much!"

 

Most folks do not know how to respond - what can they say, really, beyond, "Oh, that's nice..." It just helps the kids not feel at a loss for words.

[bunnytracks]

yes and no?? I'm not sure what is considered celebrating Santa anymore. LOL I don't wrap presents from Santa (all of our presents just say the childs name and no from unless it is from Grandma). However, we leave the tree empty until christmas morning so there is a big WOW!!. I do not take them to see Santa or write letters to him either. However, my kids do leave out cookies and milk, watch movies with him in it and sometimes even talk about him. If they ask though I tell them he is make believe.

 

We do however have an elf. He is a 10" doll that comes out on Dec 1 (and stays until Christmas eve) that the kids play with. They know he isnt real but love trying to find where he hid every morning. Sometimes he even gets into christmas gifts :glare: LOL!! It is all in fun and of course obviously not real but the kids love it.

 

we use to make a happy birthday Jesus cake but don't anymore. That is confusing too since it obviously isnt Jesus' birthday. I grew up believing that Christmas was originally a christian holiday (i.e. Christs birthday) and that it was non believers who "corupted" it and now that I have done research and found it not true I don't do that either. No biggie Jesus is center to our everyday anyway. Christmas is just a wonderful family tradition for us. :)

[TheCoffeeChick]

I think I posted this on the spinoff thread, but I'll share it again. We prepared our children for the many times they will be asked this question by well-meaning others, "Is Santa coming to visit you this year?"

 

(big smile)

 

"No. But I will get nice presents from my mom and dad who love me very much!"

 

Most folks do not know how to respond - what can they say, really, beyond, "Oh, that's nice..." It just helps the kids not feel at a loss for words.

 

That is a great response -- I'll have to coach the kids this year. :)

[AnitaMcC]

We do Santa for the kids. For us we try to minimize the importance of Santa that society has given him. We tell the kids that Santa was a person who enjoyed giving gifts to children as part of Christmas giving spirit. We make sure the kids understand that Christmas is not for Santa... but that Santa is somone who shows the "true meaning of Christmas". When the kids ask us if the Santa is real... we turn it around back at them in a question... "What do you think/believe?" And then we go on and have a discussion about St Nick.

 

To avoid the expectation of getting tons of gifts (especially in times of poor finances), we tell the kids that even Santa has limits and that they can not get any gift from Santa without mom/dad approval. Also the kids only get one gift from Santa.

 

I don't know when our twins figured out there isn't a Santa... they just figured it out and that was that. They weren't disappointed or angry with us. Our 10 yr old I think has figured it out... our 8yr old I am not so sure. Every year we gently "investigate" what the kids believe about Santa once they are about 8yrs old. Dh and I only give one-two gifts for each of the kids and then there is a Santa gift for each of the kids. The kids still get a ton of gifts as we are a large family even though I try to minimize it by encouraging siblings to "pitch in" giving a gift to each other. So that way instead of 7 kids giving a gift to each sibling, each child gets one gift from all their siblings. Just better that way otherwise the kids will each get about 15 gifts every Christmas (and then more from extended family too). That is just way toooooooo much.

 

We emphasize Christmas as a time to celebrate Jesus's Birth. Christmas morning the kids wake up and they get their stockings. Then while breakfast is cooking the kids are allowed to open one gift. We eat a late breakfast (usually around 10am) and then go to Christmas Mass at about noon. We get home by 2pm and then we open the rest of the gifts while dinner is cooking. After dinner we sing Happy Birthday to Jesus and have birthday cake. Christmas Eve we play games all day/evening and then read about Jesus Birth. And again Christmas Day we play more games after gifts are opened.

Edited December 5, 2009 by AnitaMcC

[AmeliaJade]

Children believe in many things that aren't real. Little girls dream of unicorns. Little boys might imagine being a knight and slaying a dragon. This is all part of the magic and wonder of childhood. Santa is also a part of that magic. I cannot understand why any parent would want to steal that magic away from their child.

 

Childhood is so short as it is. What is wrong with allowing them to experience that wonder and the simple POSSIBLITY that certain things just MIGHT be real? There is plenty of time for the cynical real world when they get older.

 

My children ask me all the time if certain things are real. "Mom, is the Loch Ness monster real?" I don't know do I? Some people think so. I leave that up to them to determine. I ask them "What do you think?" This goes with other things as well, "Mom, are fairies real?" How can I possibly tell them no. I've never seen one but does that mean they're not real. We all know what the ADULT consensus would be. But why not let the kids believe if they so wish?

 

I love the magic that surrounds Santa and the holidays. I love how the kids get excited. Eventually they'll find out the truth and they may experience disappointment but I don't think it will be traumatic. I've never known anyone who resented their parents because of it. When I found out I was crushed but I got over it quickly and was happy to carry on the magic for my little brother. My husband says he just eventually figured it out but played along with it. Most people I talked to about it said the same thing. No one I talked to was angry and all said they were happy for the time they did believe in Santa.

 

I don't see it as a lie at all. I mean isn't it lying to let a toddler believe the Sesame Street muppets are actually real rather than a puppet? I loved Sesame Street when I was a kid. Should I have been traumatized to find out Big Bird wasn't real?

 

And I hate to break it to you but for those worried that their kids might resent them for lying about Santa...what about religion? Just because you raise them Christian doesn't mean they'll stay that way and they might resent you for "lying" about the existance of God. I mean, come on. There are various faiths all over the world. No one can say for sure who is right. So, how do you know you're not lying about Jesus?

[OnTheBrink]

And I hate to break it to you but for those worried that their kids might resent them for lying about Santa...what about religion? Just because you raise them Christian doesn't mean they'll stay that way and they might resent you for "lying" about the existance of God. I mean, come on. There are various faiths all over the world. No one can say for sure who is right. So, how do you know you're not lying about Jesus?

 

Wow, that's offensive. Comparing one's true belief in Christ to blatantly telling children an ugly fat man is going to bring them presents is like comparing apples to airplanes. Do you think belief in Christ is a lie, or is all religion a lie? Would you say the same thing if you substituted "Christian" for "Muslim" or "Hindu" or "Judaism"? I'm wondering if your point is to simply slam Christianity, or if you really think religion is on the same level as Santa Claus and unicorns.

[SonshineLearner]

Well, I wouldn't say Santa is real, as I don't do "real" with unreal things.... But... we "do Santa" and for those who want to know... We have the real Santa in Oregon. He lives in our town, and goes to the Church down the street. He comes with incredible Santa Hair..... and rosy cheeks! And... he has a Mrs. Claus, too!!

 

Carrie

[tdeveson]

If you buy that one, you should also know that the anagram for god is dog. I see altars to Lassie and Rin-Tin-Tin in your future.

 

 

:lol:

:lol::lol:

 

 

[katemary63]

We didn't "do" Santa with our older two and we regret it. We decided it was harmless and have "done" santa with out younger two. We tell it like a story. We go along with it up to about age 7 or 8. By that time, both asked if Santa was really Daddy and we said, "Well, of course!" They said, "I thought so!" and laughed! I can not tell you how much fun it was to watch our younger two "believe" in Santa. Now that they are all older, we have asked them all their opinion. The older two wished we had done it with them. You younger two loved believing in Santa and think it stinks for kids whose parents don't do it. That is just thier opinion. I personally think people make way to big a deal out of the "lie" part. We tell it like a story. We don't feel we are lying. When asked a question about it by a kid, we always told the truth. It was super, super, fun for all of us and I sure hope my kids do Santa so I can have that much fun again with the grandkids.

 

(We even had Santa bring our DD8 (when she was 5) a donkey. "He" wrote notes and put a tag on the donkey's halter asking DD to take good care of "Jack Frost". It was so cool and is now one of her favorite memories. )

 

ps. I would never allow a child over 8 to continue to "believe". It is all a small child's story. I would have started leaving OBVIOUS clues so that the kid would start putting 2 and 2 together. Both our girls asked on their own by age 7 or 8.

Edited December 5, 2009 by katemary63

[tdeveson]

 

Santa is commonly used as a lazy method of controlling children. I have many times heard an exasperated parent resort to the threat of “You’d better lift your game / behave yourself / do what you’re told, or Santa won’t bring you anything!”

 

 

 

I have never done this. My mother didn't do it, nor did my grandma. My sister doesn't do this, and none of my friends do this. I do not believe that Santa is commonly used by lazy parents to control their children. Do you have any actual data to back this up, or is this just your personal opinion?

[Dawn E]

I do not believe that Santa is commonly used by lazy parents to control their children. Do you have any actual data to back this up, or is this just your personal opinion?

 

I actually do think it is more common than you might realize. Of course, not all parents use threats like this, but for those that do...Santa is a great one to use.

 

For instance, there is the Elf on the Shelf. Some may use this little elf that keeps an eye on the children all day and reports to Santa at night as a fun game, but I've seen friends on facebook raving about the wonders this elf has brought in their children's behavior.

Edited December 5, 2009 by Dawn E
Apostrophe in the wrong place; hopefully no kittens were harmed. :)

[IsabelC]

I have never done this. My mother didn't do it, nor did my grandma. My sister doesn't do this, and none of my friends do this. I do not believe that Santa is commonly used by lazy parents to control their children. Do you have any actual data to back this up, or is this just your personal opinion?

If you mean scientific studies, nope I have no 'data'. But it's something I hear regularly every December in the supermarket, on the street etc.as well as from certain people I know. It's also referred to in stories, songs, on Santa websites etc and if you take your child to be photographed with Santa the chances are he will ask whether she has been good. I'm not denying that lots of parents use it more as a fun element. Maybe sometimes would be more accurate than commonly? Also I wrote that it was a lazy method, not a method used by lazy parents. (There is a difference.)

[Shawna in Texas]

I actually do think it is more common than you might realize. Of course, not all parents use threats like this, but for those that do...Santa is a great one to use.

 

For instance, there is the Elf on the Shelf. Some may use this little elf that keeps an eye on the children all day and reports to Santa at night as a fun game, but I've seen friends on facebook raving about the wonders this elf has brought in their children's behavior.

 

That doll is truly creepy. It's a scary movie waiting to happen.

[Revwife]

No Santa...just Jesus.