How to answer in this type of homeschool bashing?

[Daisy]

I frequently have friends and relatives who will bash homeschoolers by saying things like they are all behind. They don't know how to think logically. They don't know how to raise their hand or stand in line. Too many parents are not really teaching their child anything. They are letting their kids play in the mud all day and want to call that school.

 

Basically these people are going on a homeschool bashing tirade, but here's the difference. They always stop short of calling me that. They'll stay some kind of lame disclaimer like, "But I know it isn't like that at YOUR house," or, "I know that YOU are a good teacher." Rarely, do they even know what is going on in our house. They are making an assumption that I'm the exception to their rule or they are adding a rider just so I'm not offended.

 

How do you answer this?

 

It is obvious their logic is flawed. They want to paint with wide brush strokes the entire homeschooling community except the lone individual they are either related to or consider their friend.

 

Can you think of a standard line I could give that would be a little more than passing the bean dip? Maybe something that would stick up for ALL of us but without starting an argument?

[Old Dominion Heather]

"That IS interesting! I've not met ANY homeschoolers that fit that description. If fact, it was all the WELL-educated homeschooled students that convinced us to give it a try! [big smile]"

 

 

(Only if it is true, of course.) :)

[phathui5]

"It is obvious your logic is flawed. You want to paint with wide brush strokes the entire homeschooling community except the lone individual you are either related to or consider your friend."

[Suzanne in ABQ]

How about, "I have no idea what you're talking about. You don't either, so maybe you should refrain from speaking."

[pqr]

I frequently have friends and relatives who will bash homeschoolers by saying things like they are all behind. They don't know how to think logically. They don't know how to raise their hand or stand in line. Too many parents are not really teaching their child anything. They are letting their kids play in the mud all day and want to call that school.

 

Basically these people are going on a homeschool bashing tirade, but here's the difference. They always stop short of calling me that. They'll stay some kind of lame disclaimer like, "But I know it isn't like that at YOUR house," or, "I know that YOU are a good teacher." Rarely, do they even know what is going on in our house. They are making an assumption that I'm the exception to their rule or they are adding a rider just so I'm not offended.

 

How do you answer this?

 

It is obvious their logic is flawed. They want to paint with wide brush strokes the entire homeschooling community except the lone individual they are either related to or consider their friend.

 

Can you think of a standard line I could give that would be a little more than passing the bean dip? Maybe something that would stick up for ALL of us but without starting an argument?

 

Say "That simply is not true. I am certain that when people state that ps students are verging on illetreracy, you understand that that is the exception, not the norm. In the same way those media trumpeted examples of hs failures are very much the exception. The reality is that the overwhelming majority of hs students are at least on par, if not far ahead of their ps counterparts, but then I know that you are aware of this as you are too smart to fall for the media hype."

[dangermom]

Dontcha love that "approved minority" thing?

 

Oh, I don't mean you. I know you're not like all those other [insert stereotyped minority here] people. But the rest of them....

[merry gardens]

I frequently have friends and relatives who will bash homeschoolers by saying things like they are all behind. They don't know how to think logically. They don't know how to raise their hand or stand in line. ...

When you walk into their home, line your children up like ducklings to follow you. Then, when you or your children want to say something to these people, raise your hand first and wait until they call on you before speaking.

[jujsky]

Sure -- there are some homeschoolers out there who are like that. Most of the homeschool families I know are not.

 

That's what I usually say because it's the most honest answer I can come up with.

[hornblower]

"Oh you're quite mistaken. We ARE those types of homeschoolers too." (Regardless of whether you are or are not. Wax poetic on the value of mud time & play time & how all day long, every moment we're learning something.) Smile.

 

Or begin making broad negative comments about their profession. "Oh, I know YOU are the exception but really all other _____ are rude/ immoral/don't keep up with current research/ only out to rob other people/stupid etc etc."

 

Or ask "How many homeschoolers do you actually know?"

 

Or ask "Was it in school that you learned to be this illogical and judgemental? 'cause I want to make sure I put that in my hs curriculum so the kids learn all the school things."

 

More subtly: "Did you just speak without raising your hand?"

 

Even more subtly: look them deeply in the eye, sigh sadly, and change the subject.

[lionfamily1999]

My possible answer:

 

It could be worse though! All those public schools kids are on drugs, plotting to shoot up the school, rude, obnoxious and ILLITERATE! Except yours of course ;)

[Ellie]

You could just laugh and say, "Oh, how absurd!" If you are having this conversation and your spouse or dc are there but not standing right with you, you could say, "Wait..." and call dc/dh over, and say, "Wait until you hear this," and ask the naysayer to repeat his comment, then you could *all* laugh uproariously.

 

Honestly, people who say such stupid things are not going to change their opinions because of anything you might say. They don't care that major colleges and universities actively pursue homeschoolers because they do so well, socially as well as academically. They don't care that in states which keep statistics, hsers regularly score higher on standardized tests than public school students. They just don't care. They also don't care that public school education has been going downhill for, oh, the last 40 years or so--of course, *their* dc's schools wouldn't be the ones where students graduate functionally illiterate, can't locate the U.S. on a world map, score way below other countries in basic arithmetic skills (even though they feel better about themselves).

 

They just don't care.

[OnTheBrink]

Often, I find repeating back to them what they're saying, slowly and deliberately, helps them see the flaws in their own arguments.

 

"So, you're saying that ALL homeschooled kids except mine are behind? How can you possibly know this?"

 

"All homeschooled children don't know how to apply logic? Really? I didn't know you were acquainted with all homeschooled children."

 

"You believe too many parents let their children play in the mud and call it school. On what do you base that belief?"

 

"You believe homeschooled children don't know how to stand in line? How do you know the children you see standing in line at the bank, post office, amusement park aren't home schooled?"

 

Throw it back at them and watch them sputter. Sometimes it's even entertaining. *evil grin*

[Daisy]

I was so annoyed yesterday at a wet-behind-the-years school teacher friend, who was waxing eloquent at how horribly behind homeschooled children are because they don't raise their hand & can't think (as if the two behaviors were tied together), that I said...

 

I'm sure institutionalized school settings would be quite the culture shock to many homeschooled children, but rest assured, most have been taught to think logically.

 

She just looked at me like I had four heads.

[Daisy]

Often, I find repeating back to them what they're saying, slowly and deliberately, helps them see the flaws in their own arguments.

 

"So, you're saying that ALL homeschooled kids except mine are behind? How can you possibly know this?"

 

"All homeschooled children don't know how to apply logic? Really? I didn't know you were acquainted with all homeschooled children."

 

"You believe too many parents let their children play in the mud and call it school. On what do you base that belief?"

 

"You believe homeschooled children don't know how to stand in line? How do you know the children you see standing in line at the bank, post office, amusement park aren't home schooled?"

 

Throw it back at them and watch them sputter. Sometimes it's even entertaining. *evil grin*

 

LOVING IT!

 

You all are making my day. I just wanted to hear it!

 

It's filling up my mental arsenal. :lol:

[The Governess]

My possible answer:

 

It could be worse though! All those public schools kids are on drugs, plotting to shoot up the school, rude, obnoxious and ILLITERATE! Except yours of course ;)

 

I like it! :D If you are going to make sweeping generalizations, they can definitely go both ways.

[Sasha]

"You do know I'm here, right? I had to check because I can't imagine why someone would think it was funny to make such remarks in my presence, knowing that my kids are homeschooled."

[lionfamily1999]

I like it! :D If you are going to make sweeping generalizations, they can definitely go both ways.

I have a good friend that's a different minority (than hser) and he tends to respond to such 'compliments' with, 'well, all white people are racist snobs, except you, of course!'

 

Funny to see how quick someone goes from high and mighty, to offended, to understanding, repentant and embarrassed. :)

[Trixie]

You could just laugh and say, "Oh, how absurd!" ... Honestly, people who say such stupid things are not going to change their opinions because of anything you might say.

 

:iagree:

 

The kinds of people who make those kinds of comments aren't the kinds of people looking for actual dialogue, so I don't see the point in taking them seriously enough to try to engage in one.

[Rosy]

You: "Really? Tell me more about what you've seen? I love hearing about other homeschooling families' experiences."

 

Them: "Oh, uh, well...my co-worker is really concerned about her nephew whose kids aren't learning very much."

 

You: "Oh, you don't actually know any homeschoolers? I do...let me tell you about the girl I know who finished calc when she was 14..."

[Sasha]

If you are going to make sweeping generalizations, they can definitely go both ways.

 

Seriously, though, what good is tit-for-tat? I understand that it's sometimes funny (in a kidding-on-the-square type of way) to throw broad generalizations at one another but, at the end of the day, it comes down to respect.

 

Your "friends" are disrespecting you. It's not about agreeing with homeschooling or not--it's about showing respect for your friend/family member's choices. None of us agree with one another on every subject, therefore we (hopefully) refrain from making rude remarks because we love our friend/family member, even if we disagree with some choices that they make.

 

If they can't show you that basic respect, do you really want to spend time with them? Expose your kids to them and their prejudices?

[LibraryLover]

I've said, "There are lots of nutty folks out there for sure. All the hsing folks I know are thoughtful and dedicated". I've never heard the argument about people not doing anything with their kids. Here in my neck of the woods, we do occasionally hear commentary about 'crazy religious homeschoolers". I more often end up defending those hsers: "It's not as bad as you think. Most extremely religious people are not crazy". ;)

Edited November 25, 2009 by LibraryLover

[lionfamily1999]

Seriously, though, what good is tit-for-tat? I understand that it's sometimes funny (in a kidding-on-the-square type of way) to throw broad generalizations at one another but, at the end of the day, it comes down to respect.

 

Your "friends" are disrespecting you. It's not about agreeing with homeschooling or not--it's about showing respect for your friend/family member's choices. None of us agree with one another on every subject, therefore we (hopefully) refrain from making rude remarks because we love our friend/family member, even if we disagree with some choices that they make.

 

If they can't show you that basic respect, do you really want to spend time with them? Expose your kids to them and their prejudices?

I would want to give them a chance to see the absurdity, and back-handed nature of their "compliment," before I went flouncing away.

 

Tossing back an equal, but opposite, generalized statement has a tendency to let the other person see the ignorance and rudeness of their own statement. It also keeps it light, meaning you can laugh it off and move on. Later, perhaps they'll reconsider such snide remarks in different situations, now you've given them a life lesson in thinking before they speak and considering qualified statements before they blurt them out.

[Daisy]

Your "friends" are disrespecting you. It's not about agreeing with homeschooling or not--it's about showing respect for your friend/family member's choices. None of us agree with one another on every subject, therefore we (hopefully) refrain from making rude remarks because we love our friend/family member, even if we disagree with some choices that they make.

 

If they can't show you that basic respect, do you really want to spend time with them? Expose your kids to them and their prejudices?

 

Those who do comment that way in front of my children are not very high up on our guest list. Sadly, some used to be very good friends.

[The Governess]

Seriously, though, what good is tit-for-tat? I understand that it's sometimes funny (in a kidding-on-the-square type of way) to throw broad generalizations at one another but, at the end of the day, it comes down to respect.

 

Your "friends" are disrespecting you. It's not about agreeing with homeschooling or not--it's about showing respect for your friend/family member's choices. None of us agree with one another on every subject, therefore we (hopefully) refrain from making rude remarks because we love our friend/family member, even if we disagree with some choices that they make.

 

If they can't show you that basic respect, do you really want to spend time with them? Expose your kids to them and their prejudices?

 

I'm not really a tit-for-tat kind of person. But I think sometimes it is helpful to point out that *any* group can be unfairly generalized, including the one to which their families belong. I'm sure they can think of public schooling families they wouldn't want to be grouped together with. I don't think it should be done in a snarky way, but using a little humor might help them understand the reality of their comments. And if it doesn't change the way they feel, at least in the future they might be more likely to keep their feelings to themselves. :001_smile:

[Avila]

Here is what I say, and it works every time.

 

"Gee, So-and-so, I guess everybody has heard about people like that, but I have been homeschooling for X years now, and I have never actually met people like that. I was beginning to wonder if they were an urban legend! I would love to talk to them. Maybe you can give me the contact info for your friends (neighbors, cousins, whatever), and I can get in touch with them and try to help them with socialization (academics, whatever)."

 

I have never once been taken up on the offer. Mostly I get dead silence or some kind of stammering about how maybe it really isn't that bad or how this is really just a friend of a friend and they don't really know them all that well.

 

ETA: FTR, I do know several homeschool families who take a very different approach than I do, in both academics and socialization. But their kids are older than mine, and they are all going on to fairly normal lives, regardless of whatever quirks I have seen in the past. They are all pursuing employment or higher education, and they are all going on to have appropriate friendships and relationships. I don't feel the need, for the most part, to get defensive for myself or for other homeschoolers. People change their minds when they see things for themselves, and not just because somebody says it to them.

Edited November 25, 2009 by Asenik

[Joanne]

My possible answer:

 

It could be worse though! All those public schools kids are on drugs, plotting to shoot up the school, rude, obnoxious and ILLITERATE! Except yours of course ;)

 

Good one, my unlikely friend! :D

[Joanne]

My personal answers, depending on the person and situation:

 

"I've homeschooled for 10 years in 2 different states and was actively involved with many local homeschooling families in both states. I've participated online with hundreds of families and I've NEVER personally met a family that meets the sweeping generalizations and inaccurate stereotypes you describe."

 

or

 

"Stop bashing homeschoolers. Talk about something else or I'm leaving"

[Hedgehogs4]

My possible answer:

 

It could be worse though! All those public schools kids are on drugs, plotting to shoot up the school, rude, obnoxious and ILLITERATE! Except yours of course ;)

 

:lol: this would be my answer if i were smart enough to come up with it on my own!

 

my actual answer would more likely be a sigh, a roll of the eyes, and a back turned...speak to the fanny, dude, because clearly you're speaking out of yours.

[lionfamily1999]

Good one, my unlikely friend! :D

Thank you :)

[lionfamily1999]

:lol: this would be my answer if i were smart enough to come up with it on my own!

 

my actual answer would more likely be a sigh, a roll of the eyes, and a back turned...speak to the fanny, dude, because clearly you're speaking out of yours.

By all means, it's yours!:lol:

[Daisy]

:lol: this would be my answer if i were smart enough to come up with it on my own!

 

my actual answer would more likely be a sigh, a roll of the eyes, and a back turned...speak to the fanny, dude, because clearly you're speaking out of yours.

 

OMG. That is too funny! :w00t: :smilielol5:

[newlifemom]

"Oh you're quite mistaken. We ARE those types of homeschoolers too." (Regardless of whether you are or are not. Wax poetic on the value of mud time & play time & how all day long, every moment we're learning something.) Smile.

 

Or begin making broad negative comments about their profession. "Oh, I know YOU are the exception but really all other _____ are rude/ immoral/don't keep up with current research/ only out to rob other people/stupid etc etc."

 

Or ask "How many homeschoolers do you actually know?"

 

Or ask "Was it in school that you learned to be this illogical and judgemental? 'cause I want to make sure I put that in my hs curriculum so the kids learn all the school things."

 

More subtly: "Did you just speak without raising your hand?"

 

Even more subtly: look them deeply in the eye, sigh sadly, and change the subject.

 

That's great! I just need to work up the nerve.:D

[Word Nerd]

 

Or ask "Was it in school that you learned to be this illogical and judgemental? 'cause I want to make sure I put that in my hs curriculum so the kids learn all the school things."

 

 

:lol:

[Alicia64]

I totally get that everyone is being humorous and right on to that!!

 

I just want to add that while I'm getting more comfortable with these daft comments -- I really don't want my kids hearing them.

 

They're only 6 and don't have a clue that people have these idiotic ideas about hs.

 

So I'd actually, politely and with a smile, shush them and ask them to keep it quiet for the sake of my kids. They don't need to know that close friends and family think that what their own parents are doing is nutty.

 

A "friend" recently called me controlling so I hesitate putting this comment out for everyone to read and think, "my, she is controlling!" Ha! But seriously, what good does it do our kids to hear that stuff?

 

I don't think those adults are being thoughtful and kind to the kids.

 

 

Alley

[LG Gone Wild]

How about, "I have no idea what you're talking about. You don't either, so maybe you should refrain from speaking."

 

ROTFL!!! I have to say, that's my favorite one yet. All the other responses were good, too, but I still chuckle every time I read it.

[Alicia64]

Oh, Patty, our posts just overlapped. My post wasn't directed at you at all. It hadn't even appeared when I posted.

 

I just meant that everyone is being somewhat funny and I got a little serious.

 

Alley

[Anne in CA]

When people start with "all homes choolers are XWZ" and I've never met homeschoolers of their description I say:

 

"Wow, how you seen home schoolers like that? I know hundreds of homeschoolers and I've never met one family like that. If you met a home school family like that it would be as interesting to me as if you saw Sasquatch. Because I think Sasquatch and those kind of home schoolers are about the same lever of real."

 

Just to let you know, that makes people mad, but no one I'm interested in furthering a relationship with says such things.

[Crissy]

I would simply point out that there are families in every type of school setting for whom education is not a high priority. I would add that I have found that such a thing is rare among those who choose to assume 100% of the responsibility for their children's education.

Edited November 26, 2009 by Crissy

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've honestly told people that in the hundreds of homeschoolers that I've known or talked to online:), that I've only met one family that met their criteria. That family had untreated mental illness and disfunction and I believe that their kids would have failed at whatever educational method or facility they were place in because of the turmoil in the home. And lest people point out that the problems would have been caught in a public school setting, the problems were caught in a homeschool setting. And the children were taken from the home.

[IsabelC]

Hows about "People who criticize home schoolers are ignorant jerks who talk out of their armpits. Oh, except you, I know you're not like that" :glare:

[Daisy]

You all are the best. I'm so thankful that I can come here and get a good dose of humor. :001_smile: