gingersmom Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Please tell me I'm not alone. I only spent 2 hours with her but I still have a splitting headache. She discussed shopping the entire 2 hours. :banghead: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 LOL. Nope. My DAD gives me a headache. He talks about himself for two hours long. But I soooo understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Ooh, I just realized you were actually WITH her for 2 hours. You trump me. My family is 3,000 miles away so my headaches are less frequent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 You are not alone. Hope your headache is better soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Nope, my mother lives 5000 miles away and sometimes it doesn't feel far enough. We rarely visit my hometown because I just don't want to deal with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Mine gives me an ulcer. I don't tell her because I don't want to hurt her feelings. She doesn't mean any harm. She must think I'm chronically ill though because I've been throwing up blood every time she's visited my house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimmyKids Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Watch out for glass houses and learn. WE are those mothers in a couple of decades. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Watch out for glass houses and learn. WE are those mothers in a couple of decades. This really is a terrifying thought to me. I don't want my son to feel around me the way I feel around my mom. How to we prevent this? :eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 SwimmyKids, that is my GREATEST fear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 Watch out for glass houses and learn. WE are those mothers in a couple of decades. Believe me I am not that mother in a couple of decades. I have watched and learned. And my mother gladly tells anyone who listens that I am not like her (thank goodness I always say). I am sure I make/will make my share of mistakes. But my relationship with my children is 1000% different than mine was with her. Plus, I'm not into shopping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Both of my parents give me a sharp pain right behind my left eye, bless their hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Mine gives me an ulcer. I don't tell her because I don't want to hurt her feelings. She doesn't mean any harm. She must think I'm chronically ill though because I've been throwing up blood every time she's visited my house. :smilielol5: you ARE joking, aren't you??? :scared: You all have it easy! My mom used to try to beat me to a pulp, call me a B-word, throw her food on the floor, criticize me every time she was able to talk. Boy do I miss her. In all fairness to her, she DID have end state dementia when she did all of that..... ;) Even on her death bed she treated me like this! I was standing over her, crying, telling her how much I loved her and how I was SO glad I was able to care for her in her home. I could really tell she was moved....... she tried SO hard to utter her words out, I could tell they were VERY important. The last words she ever spoke? Do you know what they were? "Shut Up." :001_tt2::001_tt2::001_tt2: :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 you ARE joking, aren't you??? You all have it easy! My mom used to try to beat me to a pulp, call me a B-word, throw her food on the floor, criticize me every time she was able to talk. Boy do I miss her. In all fairness to her, she DID have end state dementia when she did all of that..... Even on her death bed she treated me like this! I was standing over her, crying, telling her how much I loved her and how I was SO glad I was able to care for her in her home. I could really tell she was moved....... she tried SO hard to utter her words out, I could tell they were VERY important. The last words she ever spoke? Do you know what they were? "Shut Up." Wow, that is so sad. I'm really blessed to have a Mom who is really great. She annoys me with her constant mentioning of my weight and every single thing I put in my mouth (God forbid I mention a cookie on FB or she'll jump down my throat) but she really is sweet. I could make a shrink very wealthy if I ever got to talking about my Dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) :smilielol5: you ARE joking, aren't you??? :scared: You all have it easy! My mom used to try to beat me to a pulp, call me a B-word, throw her food on the floor, criticize me every time she was able to talk. Boy do I miss her. In all fairness to her, she DID have end state dementia when she did all of that..... ;) Even on her death bed she treated me like this! I was standing over her, crying, telling her how much I loved her and how I was SO glad I was able to care for her in her home. I could really tell she was moved....... she tried SO hard to utter her words out, I could tell they were VERY important. The last words she ever spoke? Do you know what they were? "Shut Up." :001_tt2::001_tt2::001_tt2: :D No, I wasn't joking. She encourages the *worst* behavior in my son. I have to retrain him every time he sees her. She messes up my kitchen. I've lost things for weeks after she's come. She washes things, to awful standards, behind my back. I ask her to please not wash dishes or anything else in my kitchen, so she waits until I'm asleep. At her home, my dad has to follow behind her and rewash things. Also, when my parents are over, my extremely violent abusive ex-husband is brought up. Every time. It all ends in my puking blood, once in their car even. The stress is just too much. After all that, though, my mom was never malicious and certainly never did anything like your mom. I'm sorry she was like that. :( That's really sad. My mom has been really helpful in certain parts of my life, though, so I feel bad for complaining. Argh. Now I'm afraid she's reading this. She's also kinda stalkerish. Edited October 12, 2009 by Sputterduck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 I've lost things for weeks after she's come. I ask her to please not wash dishes or anything else in my kitchen, so she waits until I'm asleep. I feel so much better. This is my mother!! She swears up and down she did not move anything. But somehow things are mysteriously moved from one place to another. My mother has a thing for cleaning my house also. Despite me telling her over and over and over again not to clean/vacuum, etc. Now she is just not allowed in my house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 No, I wasn't joking. She encourages the *worst* behavior in my son. I have to retrain him every time he sees her. She messes up my kitchen. I've lost things for weeks after she's come. She washes things, to awful standards, behind my back. I ask her to please not wash dishes or anything else in my kitchen, so she waits until I'm asleep. At her home, my dad has to follow behind her and rewash things. Also, when my parents are over, my extremely violent abusive ex-husband is brought up. Every time. It all ends in my puking blood, once in their car even. The stress is just too much. After all that, though, my mom was never malicious and certainly never did anything like your mom. I'm sorry she was like that. :( That's really sad. My mom has been really helpful in certain parts of my life, though, so I feel bad for complaining. Argh. Now I'm afraid she's reading this. She's also kinda stalkerish. OMG I feel AWFUL!!! My mom was like that DUE to her Dementia! That wasn't my REAL mom, that was my mom's brain ravaged in disease! I'm sorry I made it sound sad, it's actually quite funny! I spent my life trying to make my mother laugh, and in the end, SHE got the last laugh! EVERY SINGLE TIME I think of her final words to me I LAUGH!!! I love her so much and miss her! Sputterduck, you DO realize how serious it is to get that sick over your mother/parents?! I hope some day you can gain strength and not allow your mother the power to do this to you! I'm also sorry you were in an abusivce relationship! WHY would your mother EVER bring him up??? :001_huh: :001_huh:Have you ever tried to set boundaries with her? I'm really sorry you have it so tough! And sorry for everyone! And let me say again - my mother was a LOVE!!! I usually laughed when she was awful to me, and I ALWAYS laughed when someone would give me a break and I could see/hear her doing the same to them. I'm weird like that. :D But I had great parents, NOT perfect, and I adored them and miss them horribly. :angelsad2::angelsad2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I love it when my mother cleans my house!!!!!!!!!!! She sweeps while we talk and pretends she doesn't see on the floor what she sees. In fact, I make sure the broom is *right t*here when I know she is coming over. I also put the vac out, just in case. I am not kidding. Once, she wiped down the outside of my kitchen cabinets, which are, in fact, white. It was all glow-y. I had forgotten they weren't gray. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 OMG I feel AWFUL!!! My mom was like that DUE to her Dementia! That wasn't my REAL mom, that was my mom's brain ravaged in disease! I'm sorry I made it sound sad, it's actually quite funny! I spent my life trying to make my mother laugh, and in the end, SHE got the last laugh! EVERY SINGLE TIME I think of her final words to me I LAUGH!!! I love her so much and miss her! Ok, now you have me :lol: Your first post up there was a little disturbing and I wasn't quite sure if you were talking about her ONLY during her Dementia or not. I am very impressed that you can laugh about it. I am sure it is so funny because it was so NOT your real mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 No, I wasn't joking. She encourages the *worst* behavior in my son. I have to retrain him every time he sees her. She messes up my kitchen. I've lost things for weeks after she's come. She washes things, to awful standards, behind my back. I ask her to please not wash dishes or anything else in my kitchen, so she waits until I'm asleep. At her home, my dad has to follow behind her and rewash things. Also, when my parents are over, my extremely violent abusive ex-husband is brought up. Every time. It all ends in my puking blood, once in their car even. The stress is just too much. After all that, though, my mom was never malicious and certainly never did anything like your mom. I'm sorry she was like that. :( That's really sad. My mom has been really helpful in certain parts of my life, though, so I feel bad for complaining. Argh. Now I'm afraid she's reading this. She's also kinda stalkerish. This is really a serious situation. If she makes you feel that way and you get physically ill, something has to give. :( I"m sorry. :grouphug: My MIL is so horrible, that my BIL, her son, who is almost 50 years old, calls me after EVERY conversation he has with her so that I can 'talk him down.' She is horrible. He gets knots in his stomach and just never wants to see her again or talk to her again. Then he gets to feeling guilty because she is old and sick and gave birth to him. I don't have an answer for mean parents even, much less those who just don't have proper boundaries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Once, she wiped down the outside of my kitchen cabinets, which are, in fact, white. It was all glow-y. I had forgotten they weren't gray. ;) This is hilarious. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I adore mine, but we're very no-nonsense straightforward people! When we get in fights--um, maybe three...maybe...over the last 5 years, and they weren't really FIGHT fights, just heated arguments--it's super short-lived and is usually about something pretty esoteric. My MIL, on the other hand.... I've had to hide the cooking oil from that woman. *sighs* She means well, but there is NO way I'd ever live in the same state that she does! I do once-a-week cooking, and it is an indication of what a TERRIBLE mother I am. Good mothers cook every night. I am not a good mother. We also eat cereal for breakfast. Good mothers make HOT breakfasts. And she all but calls me a liar when she asks what DS is doing in school and I tell her. NICE. Fortunately, she's incredibly intimidated by my housekeeping, so at least there's that. I also put a six- to eight-item menu on the table in under 30 minutes every night she was here last time. She can't do that. :lol: We also don't participate in the STAGGERING amounts of money involved in Chinese tradition. We're quite frugal, thank you, and it's not either one of our cultures--DH is very Americanized. So we're cheapskates by her standards. My MIL also rewrites history constantly and loves to get her feelings "hurt." So being straightforward only sort of works. Mainly, though, I can never forgive her for letting my FIL beat DH as a child. The only time he hit HER, though, she threatened to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runninmommy Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Please tell me I'm not alone. I only spent 2 hours with her but I still have a splitting headache. She discussed shopping the entire 2 hours. :banghead: Mine does too. That is why I have not spoken to her in 6 years. :glare: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Please tell me I'm not alone. I only spent 2 hours with her but I still have a splitting headache. She discussed shopping the entire 2 hours. :banghead: At least she didn't discuss whether or not she pooped... or: REALLY the blouse is NEW...I found it in the free box at Sally's BUT IT"S NEW!! (The buttons are missing and there is a huge yellow stain.) OR: Why doesn't your brother talk to me...what did I do?? OR: You should be doing........instead of......because.....is so much better.....and why are you doing......when you could be doing..... or: Are you evr going to comb your hair?? Do you think your in-laws will ever get remarried? I need my toenails cut My glasses don't work...that doctor is a quack I have an appointment with the doctor on tuesday.... why don't you just leave your kids home and take me? Why don't you spend time with me? I AM SOOOOOO BORED!!!! YOU ARE TOO BUSY!! Let Mrs. X take them to the swim meet...why do you have to go???? AND ON AND ON AND ON>>>>> ahhhhhhhh!!!!!! Faithe Edited October 12, 2009 by Mommyfaithe spelling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I haven't seen my mother in over 14 years. She abandoned me when she and my dad got divorced when I was 4. I looked her up when I was 17. Haven't seen or heard from her since. Sometimes I wish I had a mom to give me a headache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncmomo3 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My dh's mom gave him hives on one of her visits once. Literally. He had hives ALL over. She is just like a toddler who needs constant attention and is emotionally draining, but has really good fine motor skills. So, no headache, but hives. :grouphug: Sorry about the headache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I haven't seen my mother in over 14 years. She abandoned me when she and my dad got divorced when I was 4. I looked her up when I was 17. Haven't seen or heard from her since. Sometimes I wish I had a mom to give me a headache. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Ok, now you have me :lol: Your first post up there was a little disturbing and I wasn't quite sure if you were talking about her ONLY during her Dementia or not. I am very impressed that you can laugh about it. I am sure it is so funny because it was so NOT your real mother. well, it wasn't funny, it was horribly sad. Overwhelmingly sad. But I chose to see the humor in it or else I'd have to cry every day. My mother was a shell of a person when she came here to live with us. We're all crazy here and we rubbed off on her. She got pretty goofy, too, but in the evenings or when she was tired - WATCH OUT. I stopped at nothing to make my mother laugh, and towards the end it got harder and harder. That's why I think it's SO funny that her last words to me were Shut Up. She will ALWAYS have the last laugh! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delighted3 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 OMG I feel AWFUL!!! My mom was like that DUE to her Dementia! That wasn't my REAL mom, that was my mom's brain ravaged in disease! I'm sorry I made it sound sad, it's actually quite funny! QUOTE] I can totally relate. My Mom is in the later stages of bone cancer and although her mind is still fairly sound, we have had some occasions in the last year where she is not herself and will say some really terrible things to people or do some really weird stuff, but it is due to the massive amounts of pain medication she is receiving. We all love her so much and she has been a great Mom/Grandma and to see her act so out of character can really be funny. And then when she gets back to feeling herself, we will tell her what she said and she'll laugh about it with us. Recently, I was talking to her on the phone and she said something really crude to my Dad which isn't like her at all and I was shocked, but then 10 minutes later in the conversation, she actually said to me "I hope when I get old and really sick that I'm not one of those people who starts swearing and saying nasty things, because you know that can happen to people, don't you?" That was just hilarious in so many ways. She's 73 and we have thought she had less than a week to live twice over the summer and she still starts sentences with "When I get old and really sick..." I know it seems weird to say that it is funny, but when dealing with a terminal illness, especially with an elderly person who acts completely out of character, you need a sense of humor to survive. On the flip side, my brothers and I have been going through the first steps of the grief process of accepting the inevitable and saying "Goodbye" to a wonderful, nurturing mother who will be missed greatly. Joy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 She messes up my kitchen. I've lost things for weeks after she's come. She washes things, to awful standards, behind my back. I ask her to please not wash dishes or anything else in my kitchen, so she waits until I'm asleep. Now WHEN did my m-i-l visit you last??? :lol: Of course, we know that they're really HELPING right?! Aaarrrrggghhh!:lol::lol: (Where's the smiley-face for the type of hysterical laughter that comes from insanity?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tam101 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My mother has a thing for cleaning my house also. Despite me telling her over and over and over again not to clean/vacuum, etc. Now she is just not allowed in my house. I'm so afraid that I'll turn into that mother!! Oh gosh, I am that mother! I cleaned my daughters dorm room last year when we visited and organized her desk. She had to call me a week later and ask where I put something. :blink: Help me hive!!! What do I do? I'm leaving in 3 days to visit her again. How do I restrain myself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 OMG I feel AWFUL!!! My mom was like that DUE to her Dementia! That wasn't my REAL mom, that was my mom's brain ravaged in disease! I'm sorry I made it sound sad, it's actually quite funny! QUOTE] I can totally relate. My Mom is in the later stages of bone cancer and although her mind is still fairly sound, we have had some occasions in the last year where she is not herself and will say some really terrible things to people or do some really weird stuff, but it is due to the massive amounts of pain medication she is receiving. We all love her so much and she has been a great Mom/Grandma and to see her act so out of character can really be funny. And then when she gets back to feeling herself, we will tell her what she said and she'll laugh about it with us. Recently, I was talking to her on the phone and she said something really crude to my Dad which isn't like her at all and I was shocked, but then 10 minutes later in the conversation, she actually said to me "I hope when I get old and really sick that I'm not one of those people who starts swearing and saying nasty things, because you know that can happen to people, don't you?" That was just hilarious in so many ways. She's 73 and we have thought she had less than a week to live twice over the summer and she still starts sentences with "When I get old and really sick..." I know it seems weird to say that it is funny, but when dealing with a terminal illness, especially with an elderly person who acts completely out of character, you need a sense of humor to survive. On the flip side, my brothers and I have been going through the first steps of the grief process of accepting the inevitable and saying "Goodbye" to a wonderful, nurturing mother who will be missed greatly. Joy :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: It's such a long, difficult process. I pray that you find strength and comfort in the coming weeks/months. My husband couldn't believe that I maintained my sense of humor all the way through. I told him it's what kept me sane. Sane? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......... ;) I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Please enjoy her all you can. You won't regret it later. to the OP - my parents sometimes gave me headaches, too. I'm so thankful we became very close about 10 years before their death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof2boys Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Well my mother used to keep me in a turmoil but I have not spoken to her in almost 2 years and I can honestly say that life has been much more pleasant. I have only spoken to my dad once in all this time and it was not pleasant. Suffice to say that my mom has several mental issues going on and has had her whole life and refuses to get any help and my dad of course enables her. gloria www.homeschoolinginthecountry.blogspot.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 This really is a terrifying thought to me. I don't want my son to feel around me the way I feel around my mom. How to we prevent this? :eek: I wouldn't worry about it. Those of us who have had mothers who were bad for our mental health are uniquely equipped to act very differently. My mother was often very difficult to deal with, particularly after she became a born again Christian and began forcing us to go to church to listen to interminable, irrelevant and in many cases just plain wrong sermons. For her efforts, both her daughters became atheists, and both of us are raising our children as atheists as well. My daughter and I have a wonderful relationship. She comes to me and tells me everything because I'm not going to invoke God to smite her down or react in any of the annoying ways my mother did. You already know how not to be a mother -- you're way ahead of the general population. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I haven't seen my mother in over 14 years. She abandoned me when she and my dad got divorced when I was 4. I looked her up when I was 17. Haven't seen or heard from her since. Sometimes I wish I had a mom to give me a headache. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Both of my parents give me a sharp pain right behind my left eye, bless their hearts. You made me giggle this morning. Thank you.:001_smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Jenny Flint Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My mother lived with us for 18 mos. She had several surgeries during the time she was here, and our main goal was to help her to get healthier, although we did not anticipate her leaving at any set time. During the time she was here, so many flashbulbs went off in my head. So many "a ha!" moments about why I have had feelings I have had, and how my childhood and the way I was raised have affected me. I processed so much, and for that I am grateful. But every single day was a struggle. She made no effort toward intimacy with us, in fact one of the first things she said to me was "when I die, I want you all to go on without missing a beat, just like I was never here- therefore, I will interfere in your lives as little as possible." This was in the context of a conversation in which I was trying to express to her that I wanted us to be close. I learned quickly that that was not going to happen, because she is unable and unwilling to change the way she responds to her world. She is completely self-centered and keeps herself surrounded by people who are weaker, less knowledgeable, and more dependent than she is. All my life I have been just a decoration in her world. I was left to make very important decisions about my own life from the time I was 12, and I was responsible for the fallout. I grew up waaaaay too fast. I thought I knew what was best for me because she encouraged me to believe it. She lived vicariously through me- my friends all loved her and thought she was the coolest mom. Later in life, I have been there to reassure her that she is worthwhile, to bolster her self-esteem and her feelings, to support her financially when necessary, and as a sounding board. If I have ever shared something with her, her comments have either turned back to herself and her own issues, or they have been about how great I am as an extension of her. I finally had to take matters in hand this summer and ask her to leave. She had been smoking and hiding the butts- after being told that she was not allowed to smoke while living here. She immediately became indignant and blamed my daughter for invading her privacy (she is 10) because she smelled the butts and found them in grandma's room. That was the end. I told her she needed to leave ASAP. She never spoke to me again after that, nor to my children. She left in July without even telling them good-bye, and she left every picture of us that she owned in her room in our home, including my baby picture. There was never any responsibility-taking and she has been the perpetual victim. I mourn that this has happened, only because the thing that is really sad is that I never had a Mom, and that is not going to change. I don't even have the illusion of a mom in my life anymore. I will never be that mom. I will make other mistakes, and perhaps my children will be aggravated with certain little annoying things that I do. But I will NEVER be that mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Believe me I am not that mother in a couple of decades. I have watched and learned. And my mother gladly tells anyone who listens that I am not like her (thank goodness I always say). I am sure I make/will make my share of mistakes. But my relationship with my children is 1000% different than mine was with her. Plus, I'm not into shopping. You may never repeat what your mother does that drives you crazy....but your kids may have different triggers and you may drive them just as nuts over something totally different. Sure, my mom can drive me up a wall. She is also 60 years old and I know that my time with her is limited - even if she lives to be 85, I only get 25 more years with her. There was a time when I thought my mom would be here forever. :( It hurts me to see her getting older. As much as she can drive me crazy, she gave me life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My mom is visiting.....I wish the topic were shopping.....instead it is all about how the world has wronged her and how she is the center of the universe and my kids must act perfectly or she needs to tell me how bad of a parent I am. I would continue on and on with more topics, but you get the picture. It depresses me. Dawn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMary2 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 You're not alone. My mother lives behind us. We share a privacy fence. I love my mother, but we can't spend long periods of time together because we get on each others nerves. She gets on my nerves because she thrives on drama and sickness. I annoy her because I won't respond to her drama or "freak out" everytime she doesn't "feel well." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My dh's mom gave him hives on one of her visits once. Literally. He had hives ALL over. She is just like a toddler who needs constant attention and is emotionally draining, but has really good fine motor skills.So, no headache, but hives. :grouphug: Sorry about the headache. Oh my gosh. The toddler description soooooooo fits my MIL!! I really hate that I don't have a positive relationship with my mother or my MIL...but you know...there's a limit to how much abuse 'she gave birth to me/raised me' entitles a person to...and they've both exceeded that limit. I keep it polite. Princess is three. This year was the first time EVER my mother sent her a gift. Not even a card when she was born. I just keep it polite, and count my blessings...namely, that neither my mother or MIL live in 'regular visiting' distance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I grew up with parents both in post traumatic stress behavior. I was the adult in the home for many years. I am still the adult although my mom is 60. She comes to visit and its like having 2 more children. I have to parent proof my house. Just some examples of past problems She forgot her bath water was running(second floor bath) Yeah I woke up to water dripping out of the ceiling fan over my bed:001_huh: Woke up one morning and my she made coffee but filled the coffee (cone filter) al the way to the top with grounds:001_huh: My mom wanted to help out. I was at work. She thought she was weeding my flower garden. UH! she pulled up all my jasmine. She wear the same purple Moo Moo (day gown) since I was a kids She does keep me laughing I love them and have the attitude of them being children it helps me understand and love them. My dh volunteers to work the whole time they are visiting.:D I love my mom. It took me till about age 30 to give up on my dream mom/daughter relationship. I just accepted that I would continue to be the nurture parent in the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My grandfather's last words were to proposition the night nurse's aid who came to our house to put him to bed. There were times the things he said made me run screaming from the living room. He had a different form of dementia, so he was more creative than most.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Now WHEN did my m-i-l visit you last??? :lol: Of course, we know that they're really HELPING right?! Aaarrrrggghhh!:lol::lol: (Where's the smiley-face for the type of hysterical laughter that comes from insanity?) My MIL does exactly that, too. She has NO organization in her kitchen, just jams things wherever they fit, and is unable to grasp the concept in my kitchen. A week after she leaves, I'm still storming around my kitchen, shouting about the imbecility of people who don't have the pattern-matching skills of Kindergarteners. She also thinks sweet cupcakey muffins are a better breakfast than cereal. Because they're hot, see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) shouting about the imbecility of people who don't have the pattern-matching skills of Kindergarteners. :lol: That's me, too! I wonder (aloud): Why can my 3 year old manage to put the bowls in the bowl stack, the small plates on the small plate stack, the large plates on the large plate stack, and the glasses on the shelf with the glasses... but my m-i-l can't seem to see the pattern! Dh tells me that *her* pattern is different and she likes hers better. He also tells me that it's easier for younger people to adapt and be flexible than it is for older people... and I should just grin and bear it while she's here. :glare: I also wonder, WHY, when someone KNOWS their eyesite is bad and uses it as an EXCUSE (when dishes they've already washed are found dirty)... WHY would they INSIST on washing the dishes anyway??? (And if they agree not to do it, they try to make you feel guilty for asking them NOT to wash the dishes. THEN they wash them anyway... as soon as you have to run upstairs, or if you decide to take a nap... or whatever!) I'm told this is cultural. Do you think that's for real??? ETA: Sorry... just venting... (m-i-l is coming tomorrow and I guess I'm pre-venting... Hahahahahaha!) Edited October 12, 2009 by zaichiki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 This is hilarious. :lol: My mother is a very-attention-to-detail person in the cleaning department. I love it when she wants to tidy things. Sometimes I even call her and ask her to come help me (before a party etc) and she does. Now, she does want me to go to her church a lot more than I am willing to go. It's always something about mothers, kwim. There will be plenty of stuff that we will bug our adult kids about without meaning to! "Mom, you don't have to call every week! If I die, my wife will call you, I promise!" and "No, I didn't tell you about my big raise...that's my own personal life! How did you find out? Oh! I can't help that I made the Forbes list" etc. It will be fun. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 She discussed shopping the entire 2 hours. :banghead: Well, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, but I would give almost anything in the world to be able to talk about shopping for two hours with my mom. She passed away last year on October 13th, and I'm feeling even worse than usual because it's almost the one year anniversary of her death. I'm not trying to make you feel badly, but if your mom loves you and you love her, you may want to consider putting up with some of her "less than desirable" traits, because one day you may wish you had. That said, I can understand how you were probably at your wit's end if you don't even like shopping! I'm just feeling sad today and I'm probably making more of this than I should. I just wish I still had my mom around to talk to about all of the stupid little things that didn't seem to mean much at the time. Cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I didn't read the other comments yet, but here goes: My mom is 78, blind, and very very CRANKY all of the time. She complains constantly, fights me over taking her pills, is causing herself to have dementia by not using her brain, is never satisfied with anything or anyone, and threatens suicide often. I have to really work on not "getting on the roller coaster" when I am being her caregiver. It can be very hard. I really work on loving her no matter what, accepting her for who she is AND who she isn't, and do my best to understand how sad and frustrated she is. Truth is, I treasure my time with her (2 to 4 hour stints 3 to 5 times a week), even when she is acting witchy. My sibs don't get it, and don't see her much, and think I am nuts for saying how much I enjoy spending time with her. Remember that grace and love are your best tools of defense here, and practice your breathing- it really helps keep the parent-induced headaches at bay. Hugs, and hang in there, LB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 :smilielol5: you ARE joking, aren't you??? :scared: You all have it easy! My mom used to try to beat me to a pulp, call me a B-word, throw her food on the floor, criticize me every time she was able to talk. Boy do I miss her. In all fairness to her, she DID have end state dementia when she did all of that..... ;) Even on her death bed she treated me like this! I was standing over her, crying, telling her how much I loved her and how I was SO glad I was able to care for her in her home. I could really tell she was moved....... she tried SO hard to utter her words out, I could tell they were VERY important. The last words she ever spoke? Do you know what they were? "Shut Up." :001_tt2::001_tt2::001_tt2: :D I think our Mamas must be long lost twins separated at birth!!:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Remember that grace and love are your best tools of defense here, and practice your breathing- Isn't that the truth?! (Thank you for reminding me/us.) :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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