I can't take the crying any more...

[Aubrey]

What do you do?

 

1yo is just 1. Sometimes clingy, sometimes teething. I know he'll outgrow it.

 

2yo is mostly fine. Unless she doesn't get her way. She's MUCH better than she was a yr ago. I know she'll outgrow it.

 

6yo is so sweet. But does she really. have. to. cry. every. time. something goes wrong? I mean...she couldn't think what to write for a writing assignment that she DOESNT HAVE TO DO. She insists on doing spelling w/ 8yo, then cries when she spells stuff wrong. I try to tell her that she's doing great, give her easier words, etc.

 

But still, every. single. time. something sets her off.

 

And I'm one of those people who doesn't deal well w/ emotions in the first place. Seeing someone crying, instead of evoking my natural maternal instinct, often makes me want to shake or smack them. NOT that I do, lol, just that I don't have that...gentle tenderness gene thing going for me.

 

Ugh.

[Kfamily]

Just sending hugs your way:grouphug::grouphug:...

[Avila]

And I'm one of those people who doesn't deal well w/ emotions in the first place. Seeing someone crying, instead of evoking my natural maternal instinct, often makes me want to shake or smack them. NOT that I do, lol, just that I don't have that...gentle tenderness gene thing going for me.

 

Ugh.

:iagree:

 

:grouphug: No advice, but thank you for saying this. You made me feel better. No one has ever said the above quote to me out loud, and I thought I was the only one!

 

I am still going with the take some deep breaths and re-direct thing with my 6 yo.

[newbie]

Hmmm, was she born the end of April, b/c my 15 yo just got though w/her crying tantrum.

 

She has been a cryer since four. I always thought she would grow out of it. But, no.

 

I, excuse it for over passionate.

[Aubrey]

Hmmm, was she born the end of April, b/c my 15 yo just got though w/her crying tantrum.

 

She has been a cryer since four. I always thought she would grow out of it. But, no.

 

I, excuse it for over passionate.

 

So you're saying the 6yo & 2yo, being girls, may cry until they're 15? If 1yo, being a boy, stops sometime before 14, then I've only got 13 yrs to go? :001_huh:

 

Can I put them outside to cry?

[Rose in BC]

I have the same problem. The only thing I can tell you is that as they age the crying does minimize. I remember the years when we first started schooling. My kids are very close in age so EVERYTHING was a competition. If one got something done faster then the other, there was crying. If one got all the spelling words right and the other didn't, there was crying. Oh my just thinking about those days is making me cringe.

 

What I wished I would have done? Walked away an not responded but it's hard to keep things in perspective when there's so much noise! lol!

 

It will pass and you will look back and realize, like most of us do, how quickly time flies.

[Aubrey]

My youngest is a crier. Yesterday he was going through one of his crying fits. So I started imitating him. He stopped, looked at me wide eyed, then started laughing like crazy.

 

I don't know what the answer is. :grouphug:

 

I think I could take one child crying once a day, maybe. I fake patience really well.

 

But 3 of them at once? All day long? It starts to make a person feel like a bad mother. Or at least unemployed instead of sahm'ing, lol. I've skimmed a couple of job boards today...:leaving:

[newbie]

So you're saying the 6yo & 2yo, being girls, may cry until they're 15? If 1yo, being a boy, stops sometime before 14, then I've only got 13 yrs to go? :001_huh:

 

Can I put them outside to cry?

 

NOt necessarily, my lil one is not as passionate, she is easy going. And boys are supposed to be easier. But, I am boy-less, so no experience there.

 

 

Yes, I am a strong believer in counting down the years, only five to six more to go, here.

 

Earplugs, might work, than you can just look at them and smile.:):)

[Nakia]

Maybe it's the age because my 6 yr old cries all the time too. It makes me nuts!!!

[Aubrey]

I have the same problem. The only thing I can tell you is that as they age the crying does minimize. I remember the years when we first started schooling. My kids are very close in age so EVERYTHING was a competition. If one got something done faster then the other, there was crying. If one got all the spelling words right and the other didn't, there was crying. Oh my just thinking about those days is making me cringe.

 

What I wished I would have done? Walked away an not responded but it's hard to keep things in perspective when there's so much noise! lol!

 

It will pass and you will look back and realize, like most of us do, how quickly time flies.

 

Do you mean that you gave in to the tears & encouraged it or that you punished them & traumatized your children? Just to clarify what not to do. ;)

 

My nerves are SHOT.

[Aubrey]

NOt necessarily, my lil one is not as passionate, she is easy going. And boys are supposed to be easier. But, I am boy-less, so no experience there.

 

 

Yes, I am a strong believer in counting down the years, only five to six more to go, here.

 

Earplugs, might work, than you can just look at them and smile.:):)

 

Ah, but see, 1yo crawls toward me like Terminator at the end of the movie while 2yo climbs on me precariously dangling from my shirt collar, w/ an accidental kick in the face once in a while to me or 1yo. Their problems can only be fixed w/ food (& maybe a good dose of hormones, lol), while 6yo needs a looooonng encouraging talk.

 

So I've got one clinging to my leg & falling down & climbing up & crying. Another drags furniture over to me to climb up my shirt. In front of me is a hot stove, & behind, a 6yo's sniffles are the last straw. But in case that wasn't enough, she also mutters to herself.

 

And she's probably supposed to be putting dishes away or setting the table, so I'll have to drag my 2 crying 25lb weights over to pet her & tell her that her "favorite" dress is in the sewing pile, not giveaway, or that I didn't mean to hurt her feelings w/ that tone of voice, it's just that I didn't think she could hear me over the crying, or...you know, something like that.

 

Just, you know...for the visual.

[Aubrey]

It does worry me a little that the "similar threads" box is populated almost entirely by MY threads. :001_huh: :lol:

[KarenNC]

My 9yo still has a tendency to get herself worked up quickly over things that look the least bit hard in schoolwork, immediately going to the whiny crying upset "the world is ending" stage without passing go (or passing the "come to Mom and ask a question" part of the equation). She has tended this way all her life. I also have tried being compassionate, understanding, etc, but it just feeds into her pity party.

 

It is work she is entirely capable of doing. It's primarily that she can't see immediately how to get to the end and, rather than think about or attempt to work her way through it, she implodes. Math is particularly bad for this because it is more challenging for her than reading, etc. Once this starts, she can't even seem to remember how to pick up a pencil, copy the problem, do anything. That she is as stubborn as the day is long (gets it from me) and somewhat perfectionistic doesn't help.

 

What my daughter needed (and YMMV) was to learn that she is responsible for her actions *and is capable of controlling them*. It is part of her responsibility to learn to recognize when things are tough and how to take steps to handle the problem *other than* melting down. We have repeatedly discussed that Dad doesn't get to cry if his boss asks him to do something he doesn't want to do or if he is a bit confused about some aspect of his work. He has to ask for clarification and assistance. I have discussed with her what the likely reaction of her friends at church or in the homeschool group if she pulled this in a class there (she doesn't, btw, so she is indeed capable of control). We have discussed that when she is working herself up this way there is no way I can help her because she *can not* listen or process anything if she is so engaged in working herself into a tizzy. It's not really all that different than when she was a toddler and threw temper tantrums from frustration, unfortunately.

 

We have instituted sit-ups for whining and crying over school assignments (then she has to do the assignment anyway). We start with 5 sit-ups then see if she has gotten herself together enough to actually ask a coherent question without a whining, crying voice. If not, 5 more, repeat until she is able to approach me with a reasonable attitude and ask for help. It gives her something physical to do that takes her attention from the downward spiral (and it doesn't hurt that it isn't something she enjoys, so she has incentive to not have to do it---or that it helps her core strength and keeps me somewhat saner;)). Sometimes we vary it with push-ups or jumping jacks or running in place. It does seem to be helping.

 

BTW, 6 was hard for us as well---then it was over everything, now it's primarily over math. I wish I had instituted the sit-ups or other physical activity much sooner.

Edited September 25, 2009 by KarenNC

[Chris in VA]

The following is just because you reminded me of something that happened often when I visited my family--My sister-in-law would get very, very tired of the dramatic nature of her two girls. VERy tired. I'd hear her say, "Save your tears, because one day, something Big and Sad will happen, and you won't have any left."

Well, something big and sad did happen one day: their Dad died of lymphoma.

They proved her wrong.

 

Emotions are just emotions. I haven't the slightest idea how to teach kids what is appropriate as a reaction to stress or disappointment, and what isn't. I guess I'd rather have a child who emotes than one who always puts on a fake happy face and stuffs all her feelings, but honestly! I don't think I can take drama every stinkin' day.

 

Perhaps the key is to separate your feelings from theirs. I don't usually recommend Mike's but perhaps it's appropriate. Got me. When you find out, share. :grouphug:

[LisaKinVA]

Like you, I can't handle the crying. Crying children are sent to their room until they calm down and can talk in a normal, non-whiny, crying tone (exceptions are crying because they are actually HURT).

 

We started this practice with my overly sensitive 10y when he was 3. We've used it with every one of my children. Works pretty well with all of them.

 

Of course, a potential downside is the unplanned nap -- but since fatigue is related to crying in my house at times, the nap is well worth it for everyone.

[amy g.]

I have the same reaction to tears and crying. My sister says it is because when we were children, we were expected to suck it up and be little grown-ups.

 

I have one very emotional daughter, one made of steel (if you see that one crying, you'd better call the undertaker) and one in the middle.

 

When my melodramatic one is in a tizzy, my sister sets the timer, and then really listens to what she has to say, even repeating Dd's words back, "I hear you saying how frustrated you are."

 

When the timer goes off, she tells Dd that she needs to think about something else and rejoin the family and contribute in a cheerful manner.

 

It really seems to work. I realize that this would be hard/impossible for you to manage alone with multiple criers. It's just something to think about.

 

I also try to remind myself that God made Dd's emotions close to the surface for a reason. It's my job to teach her to handle it in a responsible socially acceptable way, but not to change her.

[sassenach]

What do you do?

 

 

6yo is so sweet. But does she really. have. to. cry. every. time. something goes wrong? I mean...she couldn't think what to write for a writing assignment that she DOESNT HAVE TO DO. She insists on doing spelling w/ 8yo, then cries when she spells stuff wrong. I try to tell her that she's doing great, give her easier words, etc.

 

 

Ugh.

 

My 12yo is like this right now. The scary part is that she hasn't always been. The crying came with the hormones, about a year and a half ago. Any time ANYTHING doesn't go as she expected it to, she cries. It's like living with a pregnant me. So, I guess I'm telling you it may get worse. Not what you wanted to hear? I know. My 5yo is what we refer to as "emotionally unstable." If hormones can turn my 12yo into a crier, I don't even want to know what they'll do to the 5yo.

[Colleen]

 

Seeing someone crying, instead of evoking my natural maternal instinct, often makes me want to shake or smack them. NOT that I do, lol, just that I don't have that...gentle tenderness gene thing going for me.

I'm with you on this, soul sister.

 

[gardenschooler]

So you're saying the 6yo & 2yo, being girls, may cry until they're 15?

 

Can I put them outside to cry?

 

Yes and yes. :)

 

Come to think of it, this may have been why I wanted a hobby that was outside. Pretty sure that was it.

[Desert Rat]

I feel for you Aubrey. I know just how that is. Crying doesn't evoke a maternal feeling in me sometimes. My 9yo boy still cries A LOT. Drives me out of my mind. We've cut down on the crying outside of the house by telling him there are appropriate times to break down in tears. Wait until we get to the car and then cry all the way home if you want (kids are cruel especially toward weepy boys).

At home, I leave the room. I just get up and walk away. If it's a mandatory assignment I let him know he can cry through it if he wants but it still has to get done. If it's something we can skip, we do.

I don't really have any advise other than to remove yourself from the tears if at all possible.

[Rose in BC]

Do you mean that you gave in to the tears & encouraged it or that you punished them & traumatized your children? Just to clarify what not to do. ;)

 

My nerves are SHOT.

 

I could not stand crying and, like you, I did not have a soft response to the crying. I'm sure my kid's will always remember phrases like "my head is going to pop off if you don't stop". (I still say that now but it's usually for siblings bickering, not crying.)

 

I guess I wished that I would have either sent them for a time out or had a time out myself. It's not easy to do that when they're young but it would have been better than responding negatively to the situation, which more often than not made it worse.

[Impish]

Princess has this whole 'melting act'. Tazzie will get overwrought and cry too. Diva cries sometimes too, but hers are generally quiet :lol:

 

I tell the Littles that I can't understand them when they cry, and I'd like to so that I can help if I can. I then walk away. If they follow, and try to talk to me, its, "I'm sorry, I still can't understand you. You need to use your big boy/girl voice and words! Mommy doesn't like being cried at." Generally speaking, they attempt to get under control at that point, sometimes with me encouraging along the way.

 

Princess, who just turned 3 on Tuesday gets time outs for 'throwing fits'. She knows this, and asking her if she needs to sit on the stairs until she quits throwing her fit generally gets her to stop.

 

Crying is for injury, imo. Physical and emotional. Being told 'no' doesn't qualify. :lol:

[kalanamak]

 

6yo is so sweet. But does she really. have. to. cry. every. time. something goes wrong? I mean...she couldn't think what to write for a writing assignment that she DOESNT HAVE TO DO. She insists on doing spelling w/ 8yo, then cries when she spells stuff wrong. I try to tell her that she's doing great, give her easier words, etc.

 

 

 

Maybe you can get your 8 ds to do what my older brothers did (and thereby cured me of crying): look placid but whisper in crying sister's ear "you are horribly ugly when you cry". Brutal but effective. Possibly true, too.

[Elizabeth Conley]

I feel your pain.

 

My 10 yo son tends toward this, but not with my husband and I. (At one time, he was this way with us too. We didn't put up with it.) We're very brisk and matter of fact, unless there's a significant injury. Sometimes I want to snarl in frustration at the lovey-dovey women in my son's life who egg him on in these crying jags. (The boy is 10!) Don't they realize his peers will crucify him for this? These sweet ladies are creating a very ugly problem.

 

Any way, I think Karen in NC had some good advice for you. Try the brisk, cheerful, matter of fact approach. It works at my house. If no genuine injury is involved, I insist the sobbing child take deep breaths, walk it out, and generally manage the physical symptoms. I will not be spoken to in that awful, strained whiny voice that sends chills up and down my spine. "No, no, no, don't you even... Nuh-uh, Mama don't play that!"

[Caribbean Queen]

My 9yo still has a tendency to get herself worked up quickly over things that look the least bit hard in schoolwork, immediately going to the whiny crying upset "the world is ending" stage without passing go (or passing the "come to Mom and ask a question" part of the equation). She has tended this way all her life. I also have tried being compassionate, understanding, etc, but it just feeds into her pity party.

 

It is work she is entirely capable of doing. It's primarily that she can't see immediately how to get to the end and, rather than think about or attempt to work her way through it, she implodes. Math is particularly bad for this because it is more challenging for her than reading, etc. Once this starts, she can't even seem to remember how to pick up a pencil, copy the problem, do anything. That she is as stubborn as the day is long (gets it from me) and somewhat perfectionistic doesn't help.

 

What my daughter needed (and YMMV) was to learn that she is responsible for her actions *and is capable of controlling them*. It is part of her responsibility to learn to recognize when things are tough and how to take steps to handle the problem *other than* melting down. We have repeatedly discussed that Dad doesn't get to cry if his boss asks him to do something he doesn't want to do or if he is a bit confused about some aspect of his work. He has to ask for clarification and assistance. I have discussed with her what the likely reaction of her friends at church or in the homeschool group if she pulled this in a class there (she doesn't, btw, so she is indeed capable of control). We have discussed that when she is working herself up this way there is no way I can help her because she *can not* listen or process anything if she is so engaged in working herself into a tizzy. It's not really all that different than when she was a toddler and threw temper tantrums from frustration, unfortunately.

.

 

:iagree:

 

I went threw this and have come out on the other side.

 

I consider this a socialization issue. We have to teach our children how to act. The fact that the child wants to do something doesn't make it okay. My son was so bad he embarrased me and was making himself miserable.

 

I used to think maybe my son could not help acting the way he did. Or else, maybe if I didn't let my son express his feelings he would bottle them up, put on a happy face for me but and have secret rage. Balony!( Or is it Bologna!? I am not good speller) He was just a whinny, negative, spoiled kid. Instead of thinking of training him as stiffling his feelings, I started thinking of it as teaching him how to behave.

 

"Your voice sounds whiny, can you tell me that again?"

 

"Mommy already said no. You are not to ask me again. That is nagging."

 

"When I tell you to do something you may respond with, 'Yes, Mom." or else be quiet. You may not run away screaming and crying. Let's do that again."

 

"When someone is trying to be nice to you, thank them. Do not complain."

 

"When someone else wins a game, be happy for them. Don't cry because you lost. Stop crying, uncross your arms, and fix your face."

 

*Cringe.* I know. I know. So old fashioned. I tried the more "in" methods. Telling him to go elsewhere until he had calmed down just gave him time to stew in his misery. It made him worse. Asking him to talk about his feelings just gave him an audience for wallowing. Ignoring him didn't work either. He could keep a funk going until he was sure I must have noticed.

 

When I got fed up with it and got serious about him not doing it anymore, he stopped doing it. Can't act like that. Not allowed to. The end.

 

I only doled out punishments a few times. One punishment for having a temper tantrum over a game was that he was exluded from games for a while. I said nonchalantly, "Games make you cry, so you won't be playing with us." When he saw that he had consequences, he knew I meant business. He shaped up. And he is happier now.

Edited September 26, 2009 by Caribbean Queen

[Mama Anna]

. . . but I feel with you!

 

My 6yo is incredibly sensitive - I call it "fragile." She's not permitted to have crying fits in public - she has to go to her room or some other place where she won't disturb others. (I don't like telling her to basically just shut up because I don't want to train her to "just stuff it.") Since she hates being alone, this is a good discipline for her. It doesn't work at certain times - like when she's already in bed or in the shower. For breakdowns during homeschool, she jogs around the cul-de-sac until she gets a grip on herself.

 

An anecdote: My mom was just here to help when the baby was born. It came to the girls' bedtime and the little one was cluster feeding. Mom held her off as long as she could, but by the time bath/shower time came, the munchkin had to be fed now! I told dd6 to help dd3 in the shower (dd6 can shower by herself) and went to feed baby. Somebody in the shower did something and dd3 began screaming. Dd6 tried to reason with her and then began screaming, too: "She's hurting my ears!!" Mom went in to deal with it and couldn't get them to stop. I went in, still nursing, and dealt with it. When I came out, Mom was putting her cellphone away: "I just called your daddy and thanked him for giving me boys!" (I was the only girl out of four kids.)

 

It felt so good to hear her say later that she wouldn't know how to handle the screaming any better than I do!!

 

I like what some people have said about training the kids to be in control of their emotions. I try (when I'm being a "good mama") to remind dd6 that it's okay to feel, but it's not okay to let her emotions control her actions. Only God should have that place in her life . . .

 

Breathe deep. Walk away. And remember - the first person to rig "Bose Noise Canceling Headphones" (Or whatever) so they'll cancel out whining, crying, and screaming is going to be a millionaire. Anyone want to take it on? :)

 

Mama Anna

[Mommy22alyns]

I am just :lurk5: right now because Becca (my 6 yo) is driving me absolutely bonkers with the whining and crying. And :grouphug: too for everyone else who is dealing with this. I'm going to have to try out some of the physical activity ideas.

[KidsHappen]

Sorry to say my 10 year old is still doing this. I tell her to suck it up or at least move it to another room so I don't have to listen to it. The inevitable, "You're so mean!" is followed by, "Why thank you. That means I am doing my job."

[Tangerine]

I adore books by Aletha Soulter. She has one called Tears and Tantrums you may want to check out. Her recommendation is that crying shouldn't be discouraged. If those kinds of displays irk the daylights out of you, it may take some getting used to, BUT for us it really helped.

 

Around here we call it "getting our cries (or sads) out". We sit down with them, hold them, and let them cry. If they try to distract themselves, we gently talk to them, tell them it's ok to cry, and generally just encourage them to get it all out. It has done WONDERS for my little folks. The all day whine, or weepy days are virtually non-existent. Instead of the slow drain of sadness or anger, we get it all out, and then they move on.

[ChristusG]

This thread kind of makes me laugh LOL. Why? Because I have a 5 year old DD. And what does she do? CRY. Sometimes I think she's a hormonal teenager stuck in a child's body.

 

A crying baby does not bother me. My crying 2 year old does not bother me. Crying due to injury, being sad, embarassed, or scared does not bother me. I love on them when any of the above occurs. When you cry for no reason....as my 5 year old does (for the same "no good" reasons you mentioned in your post) my mothering instict vanishes and I'm at the end of my rope REAL fast like.

 

I've begun interrupting and saying "Okay, let's try that again. You are 5 years old, not a baby. When you speak to me, use your 5 year old voice and then I will listen" and then I turn my back and go back to doing something else. Sometimes it works.....sometimes she screams louder. :glare:

[Guest egleyst1]

Great post - it was nice to see that some other mother doesn't deal well with the emotional thing. It's just not my bag. I've been telling my kids since they were two to "buck up".

 

I love the Joan Rivers quote, "Save your tears for important things". I've had that conversation with my kids many times and they sort of "get it". Not at first, but over the long term, it improved the crying over small things some, epecially for my son.

 

As far as short term, I do a few things. I send my daughter to an isolated location and tell her that I should not be able to hear her. She has to cry in a pillow, etc. Obviously, I don't do this when she has a big problem or is hurt, but if she is not dealing well with a "small" issue (like tying a shoe), I work with her, try and help her and then tell her that I can't take the crying - she can come back when she's more in control of herself. I know the issues are not "small" to her, but most of her crying occurs when she tries to do things she is not capable of doing. She is obviously frustrated, but if she can't do something, she has to calm down and keep trying. Crying only impedes her efforts. If she does calm down and work through her frustration with an issue, I make a big deal of saying how much better able to succeed she was without crying.

 

So sometimes the answer is, "If this is the way you choose to deal with this problem, I can't help you. I've given you explanations (e.g., you're not old enough to do 'X' yet) and alternatives to solve this problem (e.g., practice with yarn that is easier to tie than shoes) that you refuse. The way you are choosing to deal with this is truly, truly disturbing others. You may make this choice, but if you do, you'll have to do it in a location and in a way that doesn't affect others."

 

Last practical tip is to use a headset with your favorite music. I do this sometimes when the sibling interaction gets too much for me. Doesn't do a darn thing to change them, but keeps me sane.

 

Mother of K and 6th

Edited September 26, 2009 by egleyst1
typo

[OHGrandma]

I adore books by Aletha Soulter. She has one called Tears and Tantrums you may want to check out. Her recommendation is that crying shouldn't be discouraged. If those kinds of displays irk the daylights out of you, it may take some getting used to, BUT for us it really helped.

 

Around here we call it "getting our cries (or sads) out". We sit down with them, hold them, and let them cry. If they try to distract themselves, we gently talk to them, tell them it's ok to cry, and generally just encourage them to get it all out. It has done WONDERS for my little folks. The all day whine, or weepy days are virtually non-existent. Instead of the slow drain of sadness or anger, we get it all out, and then they move on.

 

I took that approach when we got custody of our grandson. He needed to get that emotion out, and sometimes we even provoked all the emotion we could, getting him to name every fear, every sadness. Then he could move on. However(!), I think that is much different than what Aubrey is dealing with. She has two toddlers, and the older ones. The 6 year old is still enough of a baby that sharing attention with the younger ones is going to provoke a lot of whiney, crying, attention seeking fits.

 

Ear plugs can work somewhat, if it stops the reaction you are feeling. Putting the child outside or their bedroom until they compose themselves is a solution, as long as you can do it gently and with the clear message that the whining & crying is not appropriate in the situation you are in, and once they get it out they can rejoin the family.

I think even though you do not act inappropriate, the children know they are provoking a response inside that you do not like. I am convinced that is their intentions at times. If you can find a way to stop that response, you'll cut down on their whining & crying.

 

BTW, I know EXACTLY what you are feeling!

[PeterPan]

When my dd was little, another mom gave me the advice that she didn't let her dc cry in front of her. I hear you on the reaction to it, and I'm not sure if it's a gene or what. Maybe it's just a much higher state of sanctification and peace than I've ever achieved, lol. In any case, yes, crying can continue a long time, and yes you need a game plan. The *not in front of me* approach is a non-violent way we deal with it. You immediately get sent to your room. Now in our house, getting sent to your room means not getting school done (unless you pull it together and come back), and that means Daddy will find you that way and deal with you. So it didn't take many of those sessions to nip it. Six was a real trying age for that particular antic, so come down on it, be consistent, and it will pass. Oh, and if they continue to cry or up the ante and turn it to screaming (that's the 10 yo version, right?), then it's a discipline issue and gets what all forms of rebellion and disobedience get in the house. That's different from just a poor, immature response (the crying), which we curb by gentle redirecting and removal from the fun.

[MamaSheep]

I have no idea if this would work for YOUR kids, but here are a couple of things that have helped with my 6yo screaming mimi drama queen.

 

1) You are allowed to feel however you need to feel. You are allowed to cry as much as you want. In. Your. Room. Which is upstairs AWAY from me....lol. In the case of legitimate tears she gets a brief hug and cuddle, a small amount of "validation"--as in "Oh, honey I know that hurts," or "Aw sweetie, I can see how frustrated you are,"--and then I suggest that she'll feel better if she lies down in her room for a while. Occasionally she will insist that she has to stay with "MooooooooooooM!". In this event, I find it useful to allow her the grand privilege of lying down on MY bed for a while until she feels better. You know....upstairs.

 

2) People of any age who are guilty of frequent and repeated outbursts on any given day, regardless of the "cause", CLEARLY did not get enough sleep last night and are required to have a nap. If tiredness really is the problem, a 30 minute snooze often fixes it and we can get on with our day in a much more pleasant manner. If tiredness is not the problem, confining them to their room until the timer rings at least gives me 30 minutes of "space" in which they are not climbing my leg or screaming in my face. And a vague suggestion that someone around here might be tired and in need of a nap has staved off numerous bouts of nerve-wracking dramatics in the beginning stages of perpetration by children who actually CAN control themselves at the moment but are just feeling theatrical (or something) because they don't want to be sent off to their room. My kids' rooms, btw, have their beds and their clothes in them. And music. But no toys or books with which to amuse themselves.

 

3) The best cure I've found for clinginess is an overdose of attention. My daughter is the clingy one, as well as the whiney wailing one. I find that in those moments when she is driving me ABSOLUTELY UP THE WALL with her clinginess, the best way to get rid of her is to stop what I'm doing for a few minutes and hug, snuggle, tickle, kiss, and get right-in-her-face in a really big way. At first, she'll giggle and feel loved and wanted and important (which I think is what she's really after anyway) after a minute or two of laying it on really thick she will often start to pull back (her "attention tank" is full) but I keep going. I hug and hold and cuddle her until she starts getting annoyed by it--not until she feels threatened or angry, and not in ways that she doesn't normally find pleasant, just the kind of stuff that makes her feel loved, only too much of it. When her little attention tank is in overflow mode, then she starts to see ME as the annoying cling-on, and she shoves me off and goes and does something else. Telling her to go away, or acting in some other way like I don't WANT her hanging off my shirt tail only makes it worse. Meeting the attack head-on and in overabundance gets rid of her, makes her feel good about her relationship with her mom, and actually seems to take less time and emotional strain on my part than tripping over her and having to listen to the mosquito buzz of her whining for the next who knows how long. (Of course, while I am smiling and tickling and snuggling I am often ALSO fantasizing inside about creative uses for duct tape, btw, I just don't let that show on the surface, as doing so is counterproductive to my nefarious scheme. A lot of the time I'm totally faking it, but she either can't tell, doesn't care, or appreciates my effort.)

 

As I say, I have no idea whether any of the above would work with other people's kids, but things have gotten a lot more peaceful around here after implementing these mind games.

 

Hugs, and good luck!