Moms complaining about back to school - do you have to bite your tongue?

[TXMary2]

I always feel so badly when a mom says that she can't wait to get rid of her children. It's really very sad.

 

 

I find this sad too. On my Facebook, many non-hs friends are doing a countdown. I am really biting my tongue by not telling them how horrible they sound that they can't wait to schlep their kids off to the local "learning" institution.

[Impish]

You know...the idea of being condescending to a parent that has a child in public school, or making judgements/assumptions about them, or simply down right snark is just fanning the flames in the perception of Them vs Us.

 

Its like the Mommy wars, which mom is better. SAHM brag about the wonders of being with their children, Working Moms are bragging about all the perks of their job, and as long as there's one willing to look down on another's choices, there will always be the Mommy Wars.

 

I want ppl to respect my stance as a homeschooler. I cannot fathom demanding that, while insulting their choices.

 

Some parents just aren't cut out for homeschooling, just as homeschoolers aren't cut out for public school. There are women who are genuinely miserable if at home full time. Its not that they don't love their children, its simply that a day of having nothing but their children leaves them feeling frustrated and trapped. They need something more than housework and child raising to be happy.

 

I'd rather a Mom who sent her kids to school, worked full time and was happy to see her kids at the end of the day, than a mom that resented being at home full time.

 

different things for different people...none of which requiring snark or insults, or looking down upon.

 

There are many that look down upon me as a homeschooler. That's their problem, not mine. I refuse to engage in the battle of whose a better parent. Its ridiculous.

[ChristusG]

It's not the sending kids to public school that upsets me. It's how they seem to act like time with their children is just dreadful and they cannot wait to pawn them off on someone else for the whole day. Poor kids.

[sweetbasil]

Our culture considers children a burden, not a blessing. Is it any surprise that so many parents are glad to decrease the time they spend with a burden?

 

I'm someone who would, quite honestly, rather gnaw my own arm off than ever send a child of mine to a government school. But I know better than to say anything. I figure the proof is in the pudding... I will let my children's lives speak for themselves.

 

I do, however, find it highly bizarre to hear parents complain vehemently about the structure/function/results of public education, and then in the next breath tell me how great it is, how strongly they believe in it, and that homeschooling is horrible.

 

I keep my mouth shut then, too. Pass the bean dip!!

[Renee in NC]

You know...the idea of being condescending to a parent that has a child in public school, or making judgements/assumptions about them, or simply down right snark is just fanning the flames in the perception of Them vs Us.

 

Its like the Mommy wars, which mom is better. SAHM brag about the wonders of being with their children, Working Moms are bragging about all the perks of their job, and as long as there's one willing to look down on another's choices, there will always be the Mommy Wars.

 

I want ppl to respect my stance as a homeschooler. I cannot fathom demanding that, while insulting their choices.

 

Some parents just aren't cut out for homeschooling, just as homeschoolers aren't cut out for public school. There are women who are genuinely miserable if at home full time. Its not that they don't love their children, its simply that a day of having nothing but their children leaves them feeling frustrated and trapped. They need something more than housework and child raising to be happy.

 

I'd rather a Mom who sent her kids to school, worked full time and was happy to see her kids at the end of the day, than a mom that resented being at home full time.

 

different things for different people...none of which requiring snark or insults, or looking down upon.

 

There are many that look down upon me as a homeschooler. That's their problem, not mine. I refuse to engage in the battle of whose a better parent. Its ridiculous.

 

:iagree:

 

I know some of the women my dh works with are excited about school starting as well, but their reasons are financial. Most are single mothers and summers are very bad financially for them. Not only do they have to pay for full-time child care in the summer, but business is also slower in the summer, so less tips. School starting signals the start of lower child care bills and more tips - I can see why they are excited!

[eternalknot]

I can see both sides, and empathize with both parties at the table.

 

I have to bite my tongue about complaining in general, though - whatever the topic. A quick "get it out and be done" vent doesn't bother me, but the incessant whining that some people engage in (and seem to thrive on) both tires me out and bores me.

[newbie]

It's not the sending kids to public school that upsets me. It's how they seem to act like time with their children is just dreadful and they cannot wait to pawn them off on someone else for the whole day. Poor kids.

 

:iagree:My friends are counting down the days, and I keep saying I have mine every day, and they said they would be bonkers. I guess that is why they ps and I homeschool. But, again I am bonkers already. :001_smile:

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't have to bite my tongue because it annoys me when people make "why not just put them in school" comments to me. Why would I do that to someone else? Everything has positive and negative aspects and people are going to complain and share their own issues.

[Hsmomto4]

Don't you think that's a little judgmental?

Nope

[Jazzy]

Our local Moms group is having a "cry in your coffee day" to get together and feel bad that their little ones are off to school all day.

 

I feel like showing up WITH my school aged children.....;)

 

I did really like that commercial Stapes had on for several years with the Dad dancing down the isles buying school supplies while the kids mope and the song, "It's the most wonderful time of the year" playing in the background! :D

 

 

 

Dawn

 

That's hilarious! :lol:

[Blessedfamily]

When I was picking up a few things from the big sales on school supplies, I was so glad that unlike the other moms shopping, I could buy the items that I wanted, not whatever is on the official school supply list!

 

I have to admit, I was glad to have that freedom, too. Very glad!!!

[mirth]

I have to admit, I was glad to have that freedom, too. Very glad!!!

 

Yes, that was nice and so simple too.

 

On the OT, everyone complains once in a while. It is good to get it out. If a person hears himself complaining all the time, it may guide a person to make a change for the better.

[OH_Homeschooler]

On the OT, everyone complains once in a while. It is good to get it out. If a person hears himself complaining all the time, it may guide a person to make a change for the better.

 

Thank you for saying this.

 

I would warn everyone here that you may not always know the true meaning or intentions of someone saying that kind of stuff (e.g., celebrating their kids going back to school).

 

I once read something someone (a fellow homeschooler) wrote on a message board about me, basically saying they I was a terrible mom and she was ashamed to know me or call me a friend (and she had completely misinterpreted the whole situation she based this on, but it was very revealing about how she really felt about me). I guess she thought she was anonymous, forgetting that she linked to those message boards in her blog, which she shared with me. Our relationship has yet to be fully recovered.

 

Sorry to hijack, I just thought it was worth mentioning.

[Jennifer in MI]

I haven't read this whole thread, but I would actually really like to have the days to myself some days!! I am an introvert and I can see how sending my kids to school every day would be really good for me! (And, sometimes I wonder then if it wouldn't be better for the kids because I would be much more energized when I was with them!) I don't know . . .

 

But, homeschooling has become a way of life for us. We'd have to give up way too much if we didn't. So, we'll stick with it.

 

Also, it's weird, but most of my friends are sad that school is starting. They really miss their kids!!

[amsunshine]

I'm already going to hell, so I can say this.

 

:lol:

[briansmama]

I do wish that more parents would look into homeschooling instead of just accepting that they have to send their children to school and deal with all the hassles that come with it.

 

And although I don't need/want 30+ hours a week away from my kids, I too need downtime. I think the difference is that when we hs, we are used to being with our kids a lot so we find ways to have "quiet" time implemented, or something in our routine where we do find a break to workout, or do something for ourselves regularly (at least I do- I need regular workouts to stay balanced). My friends who do not homeschool seem a bit thrown off every summer when suddenly they are with their kids a lot without any regular breaks or expectations of downtime/quiet time, and that makes for a very long 2 1/2 months.

 

This is a big reason why we homeschool; so our family is tight and has to adjust to meet eachother's needs.

[Orthodox6]

You know...the idea of being condescending to a parent that has a child in public school, or making judgements/assumptions about them, or simply down right snark is just fanning the flames in the perception of Them vs Us.

 

Its like the Mommy wars, which mom is better. SAHM brag about the wonders of being with their children, Working Moms are bragging about all the perks of their job, and as long as there's one willing to look down on another's choices, there will always be the Mommy Wars.

 

I want ppl to respect my stance as a homeschooler. I cannot fathom demanding that, while insulting their choices.

 

Some parents just aren't cut out for homeschooling, just as homeschoolers aren't cut out for public school. There are women who are genuinely miserable if at home full time. Its not that they don't love their children, its simply that a day of having nothing but their children leaves them feeling frustrated and trapped. They need something more than housework and child raising to be happy.

 

I'd rather a Mom who sent her kids to school, worked full time and was happy to see her kids at the end of the day, than a mom that resented being at home full time.

 

different things for different people...none of which requiring snark or insults, or looking down upon.

 

There are many that look down upon me as a homeschooler. That's their problem, not mine. I refuse to engage in the battle of whose a better parent. Its ridiculous.

 

 

:thumbup: :thumbup1:

[msjones]

You know...the idea of being condescending to a parent that has a child in public school, or making judgements/assumptions about them, or simply down right snark is just fanning the flames in the perception of Them vs Us.

 

Its like the Mommy wars, which mom is better. SAHM brag about the wonders of being with their children, Working Moms are bragging about all the perks of their job, and as long as there's one willing to look down on another's choices, there will always be the Mommy Wars.

 

I want ppl to respect my stance as a homeschooler. I cannot fathom demanding that, while insulting their choices.

 

Some parents just aren't cut out for homeschooling, just as homeschoolers aren't cut out for public school. There are women who are genuinely miserable if at home full time. Its not that they don't love their children, its simply that a day of having nothing but their children leaves them feeling frustrated and trapped. They need something more than housework and child raising to be happy.

 

I'd rather a Mom who sent her kids to school, worked full time and was happy to see her kids at the end of the day, than a mom that resented being at home full time.

 

different things for different people...none of which requiring snark or insults, or looking down upon.

 

There are many that look down upon me as a homeschooler. That's their problem, not mine. I refuse to engage in the battle of whose a better parent. Its ridiculous.

 

:iagree:

 

I started responded along the same lines earlier today and never posted it.

 

I've been finding a lot of this "Us vs. Them" tone on this board lately, and I don't like it.

[chaik76]

You know...the idea of being condescending to a parent that has a child in public school, or making judgements/assumptions about them, or simply down right snark is just fanning the flames in the perception of Them vs Us.

 

Its like the Mommy wars, which mom is better. SAHM brag about the wonders of being with their children, Working Moms are bragging about all the perks of their job, and as long as there's one willing to look down on another's choices, there will always be the Mommy Wars.

 

I want ppl to respect my stance as a homeschooler. I cannot fathom demanding that, while insulting their choices.

 

Some parents just aren't cut out for homeschooling, just as homeschoolers aren't cut out for public school. There are women who are genuinely miserable if at home full time. Its not that they don't love their children, its simply that a day of having nothing but their children leaves them feeling frustrated and trapped. They need something more than housework and child raising to be happy.

 

I'd rather a Mom who sent her kids to school, worked full time and was happy to see her kids at the end of the day, than a mom that resented being at home full time.

 

different things for different people...none of which requiring snark or insults, or looking down upon.

 

There are many that look down upon me as a homeschooler. That's their problem, not mine. I refuse to engage in the battle of whose a better parent. Its ridiculous.

I agree.

Nope

Why ever not? Your original statement suggests that the way you do it is the only "right" way...you're not really stating that just you would be a failure as a mom, you are implying that they are a failure as a mother because they choose to send their children to school. You cannot possibly know whether homeschooling or another type of schooling is right for their family.

[Joanne]

Hm.

 

Interesting topic and I'm fascinated by my own response to it!

 

One thing I observed when I owned a daycare was that the more you are away from your kids (or kids in general), the easier it is to be away from them and usually the harder it is to be with them.

 

Kids at home most hours = more groceries, more laundry, more noise, more wear and tear, more demands in terms of time, interaction, referee-ing, more cooking, cleaning more, more more.

 

We, as a culture, are not trained or taught or modelled the skills necessary to make living daily nearly 24/7 with kids manageable, pleasant, neat, clean, orderly.

 

So, a typical family, working or not, begins to fall apart over a weekend of noise, mess, because they don't impose the structure needed for happily being together. Over the course of a summer, especially without school structure and increased screen time and junk food, it does become attractive for the kids to be away during the day.

 

I had this happen last week. I was in a group of parents from church and several of them were saying, " I just can't wait to get my kids off to school. It's been really hard to have them home so much. I need my 'me' time." (In the kids hearing no less.) One of them turned to me and asked if I was excited to have the kids back in school and I said, "As a matter of fact, we home school and I love starting school." The room got noticeably quiet so I excused myself to attend to one of my children. I actually thought it was great. I think parents need to think before saying those things in front of their children. If they do in fact feel that way then I think they should at least keep quiet in front of their children for heaven's sake!

 

I'm a big believer in "me" time. I'm so introverted that it comes out of my pours. I *get* the physical, spiritual, soul driven NEED to be ALONE. And I don't necessarily think that, in our culture of institutional schooling for kids, kids hearing there parents be excited about it = horrible for the kids.

 

I haven't met ONE adult who said "My parents used to say they looked forward to school starting and it hurt me".

 

I have heard "My mom said I was a mistake and it hurt me"

I have heard "The discipline they chose hurt me"

 

OTOH, I've written articles and blog posts over the years about how *space* between parents and children has become a profit center. Go to a Babies R Us. 85% of the items for sale literally sell SPACE between parent and child. Swings, saucers, bottles, cribs, bouncy seats......

 

Waiting lists for preschool, the expecation of preschool, school earlier and earlier, limited maternity leave, culturally sanctioned push to put kids in nurseries, for age segregated events, churches, church classes, worship....

 

The "children as burden" paradigm is pervasive and sad.

 

I'm of two minds on this issue. But I completely agree with the poster who first brought up the "say nothing" suggestion so that she can expect respect for her vents about issues related to homeschooling. Good boundaries, that.

[Reya]

Yes, it's the moms who say "I cant wait to send my kids back to school" that make me cringe. My aunt talks about it all the time....she cannot wait for my cousins (who are 9 and 11) to get back to school. I always wonder why people have children if they cannot wait to get rid of them for majority of the day, five days a week?

 

I think a lot of parents, after they send their kids off for so long, forget how to really be a family and are helpless in the summer.

[Reya]

. Its not that they don't love their children, its simply that a day of having nothing but their children leaves them feeling frustrated and trapped. They need something more than housework and child raising to be happy.

 

There are plenty who homeschool AND work.

 

I wrote a book in 3.5 weeks this summer. And, yes, I was doing medium-level homeschooling.

[Audrey]

One of the moms I know said that she was throwing a martini party the day her youngest started k (which was last week.) Then she must have seen the looks on our faces and added, "It's not like I don't love her."

 

:glare:

 

I understand that different families have different situations, but c'mon! What if the kids actually heard?

 

 

For several years now, a certain local group (who should know better :glare:) has thrown a "Free Again Night" for parents to celebrate the kids going back to school again. It's basically one big stupid drunk fest. :glare: :glare:

[Pretty in Pink]

For several years now, a certain local group (who should know better :glare:) has thrown a "Free Again Night" for parents to celebrate the kids going back to school again. It's basically one big stupid drunk fest. :glare: :glare:

 

I agree :glare::glare::glare: That is odd to say the least.

[hornblower]

Usually what I want to do is look at the speaker's kids & say "Yes! I'll be glad when your kids are back at school too!"

 

Or say that what I'm kind of wishing for is a return to English aristocratic parenting where the young kids only came downstairs to visit the parents for 30 minutes a day before dinner, were packed off to boarding school at 7 and spent their summer hols in a series of camps. So you never have to actually see the little blighters.

 

Oh, those good old days!

 

But I don't.

[Impish]

There are plenty who homeschool AND work.

 

I wrote a book in 3.5 weeks this summer. And, yes, I was doing medium-level homeschooling.

I never said that there wasn't. :001_huh: If you read my response in its entirety, I said that some families aren't cut out for homeschooling, and some aren't cut out to send their kids to public school. I never said that a person couldn't work and homeschool. What I said was, some can't handle being at home full time, that they feel trapped.

[Hoggirl]

I guess my point of view wasn't very clear in my original statement. What I meant was that I think to myself that I am thankful that I do NOT have the issues of multiple schools, dealing with the schedules of others, dealing with teachers, etc. My idea of saying that these people could home school their children was simply a thought that, "If you home schooled you would not have these things to complain about - they would be alleviated." Yes, they might have other things to complain about. ;) But, I guess the way I worded it, it sounded snarky or a bit "I'm better than you are b/c I home school." I truly feel blessed that, at this point, I do not have to deal with the aforementioned issues. I don't know how they deal with it, and I am sympathetic to it. But, I can certainly see where my choice of words "laughing," "biting my tongue," sounded snotty. Guess it's a good thing that I do just nod and keep my mouth shut!

 

I am just happy to be home schooling at this point in my life and not entangled in those issues. But never say never.