Annoyed at picky neighborhood eaters

[johnandtinagilbert]

and saddened too. I'm on vacation and dd has befriended a neighborhood child. She isn't the first to show me this, but I am annoyed, so my rant will be about her!

 

We've been swimming all afternoon and so we get out b/c we're hungry. I pull out:

 

bananas, apples, blue berries, mangoes, tortilla chips, homemade salsa, baby carrots, and sliced green peppers. Ripe, fresh, sweet smelling...a delicious spread!

 

My kids dig in and the neighborhood looks at the one piece of fruit I did not prepare and says, "I like watermelon." I'm thinkin'....are you kiddin' me? How rude! I offer (gotta count) 7 choices and she wants the one thing I didn't prepare. I told her that would be for another day. She chooses not to eat, goes home and brings back some packaged crap.

 

A while later, my children ask for what is a vacation treat, Peanut butter/chocolate cereal. I say yes. Guess what, she's all ready to eat the crap!

 

Back home, a few neighborhood kids used to be this way, until they've spent enough time at my house and now they love fresh fruit and know the crap is just not good for them.

 

I'm annoyed and rude. Will it matter later, no, but for now....how rude!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Good thing she decided to go home and get what she liked there.

[Ibbygirl]

My daughter wouldn't eat any of that except watermelon either, but she has severe sensory issues and will wretch and gag if I try to force her to eat it. hehehe ;)

[DarlaS]

My kids would eat that all up--except the green peppers. They will taste them though. (They know it's required. :D)

[ChemMommy]

Kid would go home and get a can of pop and a BAG of candy. Then, he'd come back to my house to eat it.

 

He did offer to share with my kids, but they weren't interested.

 

Funny thing, over time, he discovered that he liked all kinds of things: peas, potatoes, meat, cheese, apples, grapes.

 

I refused to make him an alternative snack and let him know that he was welcome to return after he had a snack at home. It didn't take long.

 

I was shocked at his diet, but he did improve over time. But, seriously! POP and CANDY for snack every single day! Yikes!

[hsmom3tn]

My daughter wouldn't eat any of that except watermelon either, but she has severe sensory issues and will wretch and gag if I try to force her to eat it. hehehe ;)

 

My son is that way, too, except he wouldn't even eat the watermelon. He may have eaten some of the chips, but no salsa. Since I know he's so picky, I make sure he eats before he leaves home and if he's going to be gone for a while, I provide food for him.

 

I think it was rude for the girl to ask for something other than what was offered. I hope that my kids wouldn't do that.

[CookieMonster]

Guess what, she's all ready to eat the crap!

 

 

I'm annoyed and rude.

 

Yes, you are being rude. You have for her, a child who only knows what she's been exposed to, the same expectations you do for your kids. That's not fair.

 

How would you feel if someone called the food you're used to eating 'crap'.

 

I understand your sentiments about food, and even share some of them. But, please, try to be a little more sensitive to the poor child. Of course she should have just bit her tongue and said, "No, thank you." That would have been the polite response. But she hasn't been taught that either. I say cut her some slack.

[BalanceSeeker]

Some kids are super picky. I serve all that you described on a regular basis. My kids still turn their noses up. Even though the birthday parties and visits with grandparents who can't say no are infrequent, it's enough to pervert their healthy taste buds and put us back to square one. It's an uphill battle I fight every day.

 

But, NEVER have I given in to their whims and allowed them to eat a diabetes-inducing diet as you described. How unfortunate for your neighbor. Maybe you'll be able to turn him on to some healthier options.

[Tammy]

Yea.....you can't blame the kids....

[Joy at Home]

Yes, you are being rude. You have for her, a child who only knows what she's been exposed to, the same expectations you do for your kids. That's not fair.

 

How would you feel if someone called the food you're used to eating 'crap'.

 

I understand your sentiments about food, and even share some of them. But, please, try to be a little more sensitive to the poor child. Of course she should have just bit her tongue and said, "No, thank you." That would have been the polite response. But she hasn't been taught that either. I say cut her some slack.

 

:iagree:

[Carrie12345]

My son is that way, too, except he wouldn't even eat the watermelon. He may have eaten some of the chips, but no salsa. Since I know he's so picky, I make sure he eats before he leaves home and if he's going to be gone for a while, I provide food for him.

 

I think it was rude for the girl to ask for something other than what was offered. I hope that my kids wouldn't do that.

 

Same here, right down to the tortilla chips sans salsa. My ds is finally starting to master the art of "no, thank you" without an involuntary sour puss.

Yes, he is allowed to have some crap once in a while. I'd HATE to think that someone would be "saddened" by his picky-ness and be so presumptuous as to think I'm a bad parent because he doesn't like apples, bananas, blueberries, mango, salsa, carrots or peppers.

 

OTOH, my daughters would be terribly rude and wipe the spread clean. :tongue_smilie:

[chaik76]

My son is that way, too, except he wouldn't even eat the watermelon. He may have eaten some of the chips, but no salsa. Since I know he's so picky, I make sure he eats before he leaves home and if he's going to be gone for a while, I provide food for him.

 

I think it was rude for the girl to ask for something other than what was offered. I hope that my kids wouldn't do that.

ITA.

We're all picky at my house...I know my oldest wouldn't eat anything you offered (maybe the chips). But I would send him fed, and I would be very, very disappointed in him if he asked you to prepare something that wasn't offered. I don't think there's any rudeness in turning down a snack or meal if you don't like it...there is rudeness in asking for something else.

 

(FTR...I might have eaten a few blueberries to be polite, but I wouldn't have eaten the rest either.)

[Pajama Mama]

We eat junky foods sometimes but I rarely offer to feed my kids' friends anyway. I have officially banned soda from the house. If you don't want water then you aren't thirsty! We have some chips and ice pops sometimes. We also have healthier snacks-cheese sticks, fruit, yogurt, etc. Junk or no, I refuse to feed the neighborhood.

 

Occasionally I'll let my kids have friends over for dinner. But only on pizza night or if we're grilling burgers. It seems that most kids are picky when it comes to food. I don't worry about it. If we're having a pot roast with veggies; then I'm not inviting anyone over. I actually had ds's one friend ask me if I could make him a pizza instead of pot roast. Umm, no. I then uninvited him to dinner and told him politely to go home for dinner. This ain't no cafeteria:D

[camibami]

My youngest is picky, but not terribly so. She *is* very shy though, so she usually says "no, thank you" when offered any food, even junk, just because she doesn't want to ask what it is, eat too much, eat too little, and so on. She's just a worrier and its easier for her to go get her own snack and not have to worry! The Korean moms at gymnastics all think she doesn't eat, ever, I am pretty sure, but in truth she is just very shy and doesn't want to offend in case she takes something and doesn't like it. Then she knows she should finish it, since she took it, and...well, you get it.

 

SO maybe the kid was being polite, "oh, I like watermelon", by chiming in with a fruit he/she likes, but got her own snack because of other reasons than not wanting to eat healthy food. Either way, its her/ her families issue. I try not to make judgements based on one short interaction with that stuff, because it often isn't an accurate picture of what is going on.

[Crissy]

My daughter wouldn't eat any of that except watermelon either, but she has severe sensory issues and will wretch and gag if I try to force her to eat it. hehehe ;)

 

I have been caring for my niece and nephew a couple of days each week this summer, and one of them has similar issues. It has been a real learning experience for me, a mom who expects her children to just eat what is served. I am understanding better than I ever have that it goes beyond 'picky eating'. I do realize that is the case for many children, but for others, there are very real issues that prevent them from enjoying different foods.

[abbeyej]

I'd just be happy that she went home to get her junk food. Frustrating, yes (and my kids -- even the one I consider "picky" -- would have been all over your fantastic spread!), but it doesn't sound like she was *ugly* about it. And if I'm dealing with other people's kids, that's really where I would get annoyed. If they just don't want to eat what I offer, that's totally okay. It's when they do the melodramatic "I'm so repulsed" thing, or try to demand junky alternatives that I would be rethinking hosting them as guests.

 

But really, sounds like it was okay in the end. Yes, she missed out on some lovely stuff! But there was more for your family. ;) (Ooooh, mangoes...)

[amy g.]

I've shared before about how picky I am.

 

Well, now, my older children cook a lot of the time. I find myself saying, "I don't care for eggplant and tomato sandwiches. I'll just have cereal." or, I'll pass on the potato soup and have an apple instead."

 

It's a sad state of affairs.

[Night Elf]

My kids dig in and the neighborhood looks at the one piece of fruit I did not prepare and says, "I like watermelon." I'm thinkin'....are you kiddin' me? How rude! I offer (gotta count) 7 choices and she wants the one thing I didn't prepare. I told her that would be for another day. She chooses not to eat, goes home and brings back some packaged crap.

 

I'm so sorry you perceived this as such a rude behavior. Unless there is much more to the story, it seems this young girl commented that she liked watermelon and didn't demand it in a brat-like way. When she was told it wasn't available, she went home to get her own food. I think that was a very wise choice. I'm surprised you are honestly shocked that she would refuse your healthy foods and prefer to eat the snacks her parents allow her to have. If you didn't want those foods in your home or around your children, you could have taken her aside and told her you didn't allow those types of foods in your home and you need her to return home to eat and come back afterwards.

 

A while later, my children ask for what is a vacation treat, Peanut butter/chocolate cereal. I say yes. Guess what, she's all ready to eat the crap!

 

So while you were annoyed that she wouldn't eat what you offered earlier, you are now annoyed that she wants to eat what is set out and being eaten by your children. Or are you saying that only your kids should have eaten the cereal in front of her? :confused:

[Night Elf]

I do realize that is the case for many children, but for others, there are very real issues that prevent them from enjoying different foods.

 

I sure wish others would learn that too. My son and I have been on the receiving end of some ugly remarks from clueless parents. One day at a lunch with other homeschoolers, I let my son order an orange soda. A mom sitting nearby got quite loud in her shock that I would allow that substance into my son's body. She even shared my horrible parenting skills with other homeschool moms, which I found out later. I actually think was quite rude. I avoided her after that. I figured she didn't mind since I didn't meet her expectations of how a mother should parent her children. And I certainly had no desire to associate with such a pompous woman.

[TraceyS/FL]

I have been caring for my niece and nephew a couple of days each week this summer, and one of them has similar issues. It has been a real learning experience for me, a mom who expects her children to just eat what is served. I am understanding better than I ever have that it goes beyond 'picky eating'. I do realize that is the case for many children, but for others, there are very real issues that prevent them from enjoying different foods.

 

It's not fun at times.... but mine seem to be good about the "no thank you" thing. Most of the time...

 

But getting an eval that indicates one of the 6 month goals for OT will be adding 5 new fruits/veggies to your kids diet really helps point out how much she WON"T eat.

 

2 of mine would have declined anything but the chips, the 3rd would have eaten most of it - and probably all of the salsa! LOL!!

[Ibbygirl]

I have been caring for my niece and nephew a couple of days each week this summer, and one of them has similar issues. It has been a real learning experience for me, a mom who expects her children to just eat what is served. I am understanding better than I ever have that it goes beyond 'picky eating'. I do realize that is the case for many children, but for others, there are very real issues that prevent them from enjoying different foods.

 

 

My son is even worse. While my daughter has Asperger's (high functioning Autism) my son is severly Autistic and it is easier to count what he actually will eat than what he won't. He only eats DiGiorno's pepperoni pizza ( and yes it HAS to be DiGiornos.. no Dominoes, Little Ceasars, Pizza Hut nada) and Cheerios. That is his daily diet and on other times I can manage to get him to eat some rice, bread, angel hair pasta with marinara sauce (has to be angel hair and has to be Ragu or Prego or one I make for him at home that tastes like those two) an occasional banana and a granny smith apple which he will only eat in school for some reason. He absolutely will not eat apples at home but will eat them everyday in school. Go figure! :p

[Rainbows]

my DD would have eaten some of everything you offered, but there isn't much that girl won't eat :lol:

 

DS3 wouldn't have eaten much.....maybe a banana or tortilla chip. He can't handle fresh/raw fruits and veggies for the most part, its a texture/sensory thing for him (won't eat an apple, but will eat apple sauce, preferably at room temperature etc). Plus he has food allergies.

[Geo]

I have been caring for my niece and nephew a couple of days each week this summer, and one of them has similar issues. It has been a real learning experience for me, a mom who expects her children to just eat what is served. I am understanding better than I ever have that it goes beyond 'picky eating'. I do realize that is the case for many children, but for others, there are very real issues that prevent them from enjoying different foods.

 

 

My son is even worse. While my daughter has Asperger's (high functioning Autism) my son is severly Autistic and it is easier to count what he actually will eat than what he won't. He only eats DiGiorno's pepperoni pizza ( and yes it HAS to be DiGiornos.. no Dominoes, Little Ceasars, Pizza Hut nada) and Cheerios. That is his daily diet and on other times I can manage to get him to eat some rice, bread, angel hair pasta with marinara sauce (has to be angel hair and has to be Ragu or Prego or one I make for him at home that tastes like those two) an occasional banana and a granny smith apple which he will only eat in school for some reason. He absolutely will not eat apples at home but will eat them everyday in school. Go figure! :p

 

I could cry right now. My 10yodd has very limited variety in her diet (since 5yo). She probably only eats about 10 things. She's mostly a "mono" food person. She often eats only 1 food at a meal. There are certain combinations she will eat, but with rarity. I have managed to keep the food choices as healthy as possible, so most of her pickiness still comes from whole foods. Outsiders judge it as bad parenting, but I know that no one cares about this as much as I do. She seem's almost fearful of taste experiences. If forced to eat an "off" food, the worst spasmodic wretching follows. Her pickiness can be very specific...the only bread she will eat is a european style spelt roll from the health-food store, 1 hour away. No.other.kind. Needless to say, she doesn't get it very often! I buy almost zero junk, no soda, cookies or snacky chippy stuff. Husband brings home ice cream occasionally. Once when she was hungry and trying to decide what she could eat for lunch, she said in frustration, "There's nothing to eat!" (meaning nothing she will eat) I replied, "tell me what you will eat and I will buy it." She couldn't answer me (she didn't know, either). The conversation ended and she didn't eat. No attitude, not all huffy-puffy...just clueless as to the answer. Her BMI is 18, not underweight...but just barely acceptable. Like I said, I could cry. Help! I've never had her evaluated, $$ and public school entanglements deter me. Know any lay alternatives?

 

Geo

Edited August 7, 2009 by Geo

[Ibbygirl]

I could cry right now. My 10yodd has very limited variety in her diet.She probably only eats about 10 things. She's mostly a "mono" food person. She eats only 1 food at a meal. There are certain combinations she will eat, but with rarity. I have managed to keep the food choices as healthy as possible, so most of her pickiness still comes from whole foods. Outsiders judge it as bad parenting, but I know that no one cares about this as much as I do. She seem's almost fearful of taste experiences. If forced to eat an "off" food, the worst spasmodic wretching follows. Her pickiness can be very specific...the only bread she will eat is a european style spelt roll from the health-food store, 1 hour away. No.other.kind. Needless to say, she doesn't get it very often! I buy almost zero junk, no soda, cookies or snacky chippy stuff. Husband brings home ice cream occasionally. Once when she was hungry and trying to decide what she could eat for lunch, she said in frustration, "There's nothing to eat!" (meaning nothing she will eat) I replied "tell me what you will eat and I will buy it." She couldn't answer me (she didn't know, either). The conversation ended and she didn't eat. No attitude, not all huffy-puffy...just clueless as to the answer. Like I said, I could cry. Help! I've never had her evaluated, $$ and public school entanglements deter me. Know any lay alternatives?

 

Geo

 

Have you talked to the pediatrician?? I'm sure he/she can give you a referral somewhere where you won't have to pay the full amount of an evaluation?? My son's evaluation was free through the Children's Diagnostic and Treatment Center, but he was 2 at the time. For my daughter's I just had to pay the co-pay on my insurance.

[bbsweetpea]

My son is that way, too, except he wouldn't even eat the watermelon. He may have eaten some of the chips, but no salsa. Since I know he's so picky, I make sure he eats before he leaves home and if he's going to be gone for a while, I provide food for him.

 

I think it was rude for the girl to ask for something other than what was offered. I hope that my kids wouldn't do that.

 

My son is in therapy for sensory issues and would be the same. The good thing is that we FINALLY have gotten him to eat some fruit. So he would have eaten that. I always send snacks with him if he goes to a friends though so the "rude" issue does not come up. Depending on the day he may have regressed and only want the 3 staples he will eat.

 

My daughters ... would eat everything you offered and want more. They are my piggy's

[Geo]

Have you talked to the pediatrician?? I'm sure he/she can give you a referral somewhere where you won't have to pay the full amount of an evaluation?? My son's evaluation was free through the Children's Diagnostic and Treatment Center, but he was 2 at the time. For my daughter's I just had to pay the co-pay on my insurance.

 

Unfortunately, we live in a very rural area, 1 1/2 hours from any kind of city. No health insurance. My husband has his own business w/tools so we were denied medicaid (his business assets (tools) disqualified us). The only other place would be the ps system. Do they care about non-academic disorders? aughter hasn't been to a ped since disqualified for medicaid 7 years ago. We eat healthy and are never sick, except a seasonal cold or virus. Kids have never had antibiotics or other medications. Husband's been on worker's comp for 9 months...just had his knee replaced two weeks ago. I feel slightly trapped about alternatives.

 

Geo

P.S. our town has a population of like...5,000? Not alot going on around here.

Edited August 7, 2009 by Geo

[Ibbygirl]

Unfortunately, we live in a very rural area, 1 1/2 hours from any kind of city. No health insurance. My husband has his own business w/tools so we were denied medicaid (his business assets (tools) disqualified us). The only other place would be the ps system. Do they care about non-academic disorders? aughter hasn't been to a ped since disqualified for medicaid 7 years ago. We eat healthy and are never sick, except a seasonal cold or virus. Kids have never had antibiotics or other medications. Husband's been on worker's comp for 9 months...just had his knee replaced two weeks ago. I feel slightly trapped about alternatives.

 

Geo

P.S. our town has a population of like...5,000? Not alot going on around here.

 

 

Ah I see! In my experience no the public school system doesn't care about any issue non-academic. My son only gets speech and OT because he cannot function and learn without them. The one year that my daughter wasn't homeschooled (hubby's idea not mine) I fought so hard to get an individual education plan for her. They absolutely refused because she wasn't struggling academically. Even though she was bullied mercilessly because of her "issues" the school wouldn't budge. This is a really good book and may help you. http://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Recognizing-Processing/dp/0399531653/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249632153&sr=1-1# And this return on my search for "sensory issues" returned a lot of book suggestions that you can read inside. Hopefully one will meet your needs. :grouphug: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=sensory+issues

 

I just found this too. A list of support groups for parents with children with sensory issues. http://www.childrensdisabilities.info/sensory_integration/groups-sensory-integration.html you can probably get a lot of help online.

Edited August 7, 2009 by Ibbygirl

[oceandaughter]

also, tortilla chips aren't exactly a health food.

 

I see what you are getting at, though. I've had guests who had to bring their own food because their kids just didn't like the kinds of food we ate for whatever reasons.

 

Try not to take it personally.

[Home'scool]

I, too, get extremely frustrated with picky eaters. I am sure there are a lot of instances where there is an underlying medical reason, but I also think a lot is just manners/upbringing gone bad.

 

Both my girls eat just about anything. However, that was NOT always the case.

 

When they were younger they would gag over certain foods. Sometimes that food would come back up again. If I gave in everytime my kids gagged over food they wouldn't eat anything either. They always made faces when something new was put in front of them, usually followed by gagging, but we just kept at it.

 

Every now and then one of my daughters would make an announcement --- "I don't like nuts" or "I like chocolate, but not in cookies." I would simply tell them to get over it and move on. Guess what? They both like nuts and they both like chocolate chip cookies. Of course they like certain things over others, and certain brands, but refusal to eat certain brands? Let me think about that for a second ..... no.

 

I always told them that my job was to make sure that when they went out into society that they weren't a pain in the butt to anyone. So, there would be no play dates until their manners were straight and we didn't have any picky eater issues. Better for me to deal with these issues until they are under control then for someone else to have to be saddled with it.

 

Again, I am sure that there are a lot of kids with food issue that have a valid underlying cause. But there are also a lot of kids with food issues where the parents dropped the ball.

[Carrie12345]

I could cry right now. My 10yodd has very limited variety in her diet (since 5yo). She probably only eats about 10 things. She's mostly a "mono" food person. She often eats only 1 food at a meal. There are certain combinations she will eat, but with rarity. I have managed to keep the food choices as healthy as possible, so most of her pickiness still comes from whole foods. Outsiders judge it as bad parenting, but I know that no one cares about this as much as I do. She seem's almost fearful of taste experiences. If forced to eat an "off" food, the worst spasmodic wretching follows. Her pickiness can be very specific...the only bread she will eat is a european style spelt roll from the health-food store, 1 hour away. No.other.kind. Needless to say, she doesn't get it very often! I buy almost zero junk, no soda, cookies or snacky chippy stuff. Husband brings home ice cream occasionally. Once when she was hungry and trying to decide what she could eat for lunch, she said in frustration, "There's nothing to eat!" (meaning nothing she will eat) I replied, "tell me what you will eat and I will buy it." She couldn't answer me (she didn't know, either). The conversation ended and she didn't eat. No attitude, not all huffy-puffy...just clueless as to the answer. Her BMI is 18, not underweight...but just barely acceptable. Like I said, I could cry. Help! I've never had her evaluated, $$ and public school entanglements deter me. Know any lay alternatives?

 

Geo

 

:grouphug:

I've struggled with ds since he was 4, and it's still a struggle.

I was once advised to refuse him any alternatives. He basically went on a hunger strike for 3 days at age 6. Yes, I "gave in" on day 4. I'm not into starving my children.

 

I do try to present foods in different ways, sometimes even going so far as sneaking them in. We've always insisted on at least one bite (which means that retching is a regular part of our day).

 

This year, he's become a tad bit more adventurous. He's eating whole wheat bread now. It took us about 5 years to get him to eat any sort of meat (unless you count McDonalds chicken nuggets, which he never had a problem with). And he just started to eat lettuces a couple of weeks ago, thanks to my new routine of making wraps!

 

He refused crab legs the other day (which is fine, more for me!), but I used some to make a sauce for our pasta. He wound up eating that b/c he LOVES pasta!

 

Our best results have always been by taking his favorites and tweaking them with new things. Doesn't always work, but any progress is good!

 

For us, doctors haven't really helped. Ds had a full round of evals that took several months to complete, he has an official diagnosis, and he's received OT and ST (privately, our schools have never given help b/c he's "smart"). None were able to find a concrete reason for his picky eating. There doesn't seem to be a common sensory factor among the things he refuses. No allergies or sensitivities. Nothing. We're on our own.

 

So :grouphug:, again!

[Night Elf]

Once when she was hungry and trying to decide what she could eat for lunch, she said in frustration, "There's nothing to eat!" (meaning nothing she will eat) I replied, "tell me what you will eat and I will buy it." She couldn't answer me (she didn't know, either). The conversation ended and she didn't eat. No attitude, not all huffy-puffy...just clueless as to the answer. Her BMI is 18, not underweight...but just barely acceptable. Like I said, I could cry. Help! I've never had her evaluated, $$ and public school entanglements deter me. Know any lay alternatives?

 

Geo

 

BTDT! My son has been that way since age 2 and he's now 13. For example, he never eats foods that are mixed. Casseroles are out. A mixed rice and chicken dinner is out. Each food must be separate on the plate, sometimes on separate plates. I've not been able to find any help for his Aspergers. He'll skip meals if there isn't something he'll eat. He can go all day without eating if need be. His pediatricians, he's had 3 with Kaiser so far, say it's no big deal as long as he eats some healthy things. They tell me he doesn't have to have a huge selection from which to choose. It's only been in the past year that he's branched out from one specific pizza brand to trying any pizza brand. That was HUGE in our house! :tongue_smilie:

 

Also, through the years, he has dropped foods he liked and plain will not eat them again. He ate cheese when he was like 4 or 5, and now he'll only eat it on cheese pizza.

 

Besides consistency, his food choices are dictated by smell. He doesn't eat anything that has a strong smell. It's not a behavior either, though I'm sure there will be some on this board who think it is.

 

To the OP, sorry to hijack your rant. I guess those of us with truly picky eaters just feel the need to rant from the other side of the argument. The problem can really limit social interaction. It makes me extremely sad and a bit angry. But I definitely would prefer him to interact only with our family than to be considered a pain in the butt to others as another poster stated. I'm not dissing the person who said that. We all avoid people that offend us to a point of disgust.

Edited August 7, 2009 by Night Elf

[AlmiraGulch]

My daughter wouldn't eat any of that except watermelon either, but she has severe sensory issues and will wretch and gag if I try to force her to eat it. hehehe ;)

 

Mine, too. I always said I would never have a child who told me what they would or wouldn't eat....that they would eat what I put in front of them or go hungry.

 

Guess what? My child would go hungry for the whole weekend and wait until she went back to school on Monday and eat what was there.

 

So, I guess I'm a little annoyed that the OP is irriated at this child because a) she doesn't know if there are circumstances beyond the apparent, ang b) why does she care what the other kid eats or doesn't eat? It's not her responsibility.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I'm so sorry you perceived this as such a rude behavior. Unless there is much more to the story, it seems this young girl commented that she liked watermelon and didn't demand it in a brat-like way. When she was told it wasn't available, she went home to get her own food. I think that was a very wise choice. I'm surprised you are honestly shocked that she would refuse your healthy foods and prefer to eat the snacks her parents allow her to have. If you didn't want those foods in your home or around your children, you could have taken her aside and told her you didn't allow those types of foods in your home and you need her to return home to eat and come back afterwards.

 

 

 

So while you were annoyed that she wouldn't eat what you offered earlier, you are now annoyed that she wants to eat what is set out and being eaten by your children. Or are you saying that only your kids should have eaten the cereal in front of her? :confused:

 

Wow! I don't check in and the thread takes off...go figure.

 

She did say it in a bratty, turn up her nose, sour way.

 

No, I don't expect her to watch. I found that she's not willing to eat healthily, but jumps on the junk.

 

It made me sad that her parents haven't encouraged her to eat well...I've found over the years, since we are the gathering place in our neighborhood, that generally, most (unless sensory issues exist) end up enjoying fresh food when it is continually offered.

 

it just annoyed me b/c I see it a lot over the years...annoyed at parents, not the children. This little girl just peaked my annoyance, although I, in no way, let her know that...that is why I came here! :glare::)

[abbeyej]

She did say it in a bratty, turn up her nose, sour way.

 

 

That would certainly offend me. A simple, "No, thank you" -- even with an "I don't care for ___" tacked on to the end -- would be fine with me. And a child, no matter their reason for declining the food, can be taught to say that with grace.

 

While I take great pains to introduce my own kids to a variety of healthy, fresh foods, I don't mind if other kids turn down what we have to offer (whether healthy food or treats). But a child who is *rude* ... I would probably say with a smile, "Oh, Mildred, I'm sure you didn't mean to appear rude. Why don't you try again with a simple, 'no, thank you'?" If that works, fair enough. If the rudeness continued over several encounters, invitations to our home would likely cease to be forthcoming.

[Joanne]

She did say it in a bratty, turn up her nose, sour way.

 

No, I don't expect her to watch. I found that she's not willing to eat healthily, but jumps on the junk.

 

It made me sad that her parents haven't encouraged her to eat well...I've found over the years, since we are the gathering place in our neighborhood, that generally, most (unless sensory issues exist) end up enjoying fresh food when it is continually offered.

 

it just annoyed me b/c I see it a lot over the years...annoyed at parents, not the children. This little girl just peaked my annoyance, although I, in no way, let her know that...that is why I came here!

 

Actually, I agree that implying you should offer the watermelon is rude. She needed some social coaching/etiquette reminders on that one.

 

I would like to gently suggest you remove your feelings about her eating "junk" from the equation. :)

 

Personally, my experience as a parent, educator on parenting, daycare owner and as a Site Director for the YMCA has lead me to conclude:

 

1) Some children are born with food, pickiness or sensory issues. The degree of picky varies widely and "treatment" efficacy varies widely. There *are* children with organic issues that lead to pickiness.

2) Some children's pickiness is created

3) Some children's propensity towards pickiness is exacerbated by parenting choice

[johnandtinagilbert]

Yes, you are being rude. You have for her, a child who only knows what she's been exposed to, the same expectations you do for your kids. That's not fair.

 

How would you feel if someone called the food you're used to eating 'crap'.

 

I understand your sentiments about food, and even share some of them. But, please, try to be a little more sensitive to the poor child. Of course she should have just bit her tongue and said, "No, thank you." That would have been the polite response. But she hasn't been taught that either. I say cut her some slack.

 

I was not unkind to her. If I were insensative to her, she wouldn't be here with me every day throughout our vacation. I am the neighborhood mom at home, and apparently while on vacation. I don't mind, generally, I just didn't appreciate her attitude toward what I perceived to be a generous spread.

 

Crap is crap. If they were referring to the cereal, I'd agree. I'm speaking nutritionally, of course. I realize a tender moment of milk and cookies has benefits.

 

You're right about the expectations and thus my original confession of annoyance and personal rudeness. I can call my kettle black too.

[johnandtinagilbert]

Actually, I agree that implying you should offer the watermelon is rude. She needed some social coaching/etiquette reminders on that one.

 

I would like to gently suggest you remove your feelings about her eating "junk" from the equation. :)

 

Personally, my experience as a parent, educator on parenting, daycare owner and as a Site Director for the YMCA has lead me to conclude:

 

1) Some children are born with food, pickiness or sensory issues. The degree of picky varies widely and "treatment" efficacy varies widely. There *are* children with organic issues that lead to pickiness.

2) Some children's pickiness is created

3) Some children's propensity towards pickiness is exacerbated by parenting choice

 

Hi, Joanne. :iagree: with your list whole heartily and I appreciate your suggestion re:"junk"...

[Joy at Home]

Wow! I don't check in and the thread takes off...go figure.

 

She did say it in a bratty, turn up her nose, sour way.

 

No, I don't expect her to watch. I found that she's not willing to eat healthily, but jumps on the junk.

 

It made me sad that her parents haven't encouraged her to eat well...I've found over the years, since we are the gathering place in our neighborhood, that generally, most (unless sensory issues exist) end up enjoying fresh food when it is continually offered.

 

it just annoyed me b/c I see it a lot over the years...annoyed at parents, not the children. This little girl just peaked my annoyance, although I, in no way, let her know that...that is why I came here! :glare::)

 

 

Hi Tina,

 

First, kudos for taking great efforts to instill healthy eating habits in your children. You're building a great foundation for a lifetime of healthy eating. This is one area I feel like I could greatly improve on.

 

The thing that struck me, honestly, is the harsh judgment you've made on other parents. I admit that I many times I make poor snack choices for my children. This is one area I need to improve on. But the tone of self-rightousness your message had struck me. Yes, you have done well on the eating front. Other parents might have their strong suits in areas you lack. But I would hate to think of someone judging me as a poor parent based on food choices I allow my children.

 

Blessings,

Lisa

[johnandtinagilbert]

Hi Tina,

 

First, kudos for taking great efforts to instill healthy eating habits in your children. You're building a great foundation for a lifetime of healthy eating. This is one area I feel like I could greatly improve on.

 

The thing that struck me, honestly, is the harsh judgment you've made on other parents. I admit that I many times I make poor snack choices for my children. This is one area I need to improve on. But the tone of self-rightousness your message had struck me. Yes, you have done well on the eating front. Other parents might have their strong suits in areas you lack. But I would hate to think of someone judging me as a poor parent based on food choices I allow my children.

 

Blessings,

Lisa

Lisa,

Thanks for the kudos. A person who grew up with and still struggles with food issues, like me, has vowed to make food a non-issue for my children.

 

As for being harsh, did you miss the part that the original post was a vent of frustration for a continual pattern in the children we minister to? I am not a politically correct person, and am very willing to point out and work toward correcting my own areas of weakness. I see in many people areas where they are better parents than I, and I strive to improve in those areas.

 

Was not my mentioning I gave them cruddy, sugary cereal not an example that I can't sit in self-righteousness b/c I don't find myself perfect. If I were perfect in feeding my children, the cereal wouldn't be in my home. I offer my short comings and balance and you found me self-righteous. Clearly, being online loses something in translation.

 

I also like to call the kettle black. I am not a person to dismiss the truth, after timely evaluation simply because it seems harsh. I recognize it's not p.c. or necessarily lovely and gentle to post my frustrations on the forum, but if I constantly see the same children with soda, chips, cookies, processed food, yes, I draw the conclusion that their the food provided to them, by their parents, is of poor nutritional quality and I make the effort to provide healthier foods to them.

 

For the case of this particular little girl, I can't appropriately conclude that...which is why I said she was getting the top off of watching many, many children who eat poorly.

 

If you knew me IRL, you'd know I am not being self-righteous, just irritated.

[AlmiraGulch]

My son is even worse. While my daughter has Asperger's (high functioning Autism) my son is severly Autistic and it is easier to count what he actually will eat than what he won't. He only eats DiGiorno's pepperoni pizza ( and yes it HAS to be DiGiornos.. no Dominoes, Little Ceasars, Pizza Hut nada) and Cheerios. That is his daily diet and on other times I can manage to get him to eat some rice, bread, angel hair pasta with marinara sauce (has to be angel hair and has to be Ragu or Prego or one I make for him at home that tastes like those two) an occasional banana and a granny smith apple which he will only eat in school for some reason. He absolutely will not eat apples at home but will eat them everyday in school. Go figure! :p

 

This sounds almost like my Aspie DD, all the way down to the DiGiorno pizza!!!

 

She has a LITTLE more variety (grilled cheese, Kraft mac and cheese, cheese sticks, bread), and will drink milk, but that's about it.

[AlmiraGulch]

I could cry right now. My 10yodd has very limited variety in her diet (since 5yo). She probably only eats about 10 things. She's mostly a "mono" food person. She often eats only 1 food at a meal. There are certain combinations she will eat, but with rarity. I have managed to keep the food choices as healthy as possible, so most of her pickiness still comes from whole foods. Outsiders judge it as bad parenting, but I know that no one cares about this as much as I do. She seem's almost fearful of taste experiences. If forced to eat an "off" food, the worst spasmodic wretching follows. Her pickiness can be very specific...the only bread she will eat is a european style spelt roll from the health-food store, 1 hour away. No.other.kind. Needless to say, she doesn't get it very often! I buy almost zero junk, no soda, cookies or snacky chippy stuff. Husband brings home ice cream occasionally. Once when she was hungry and trying to decide what she could eat for lunch, she said in frustration, "There's nothing to eat!" (meaning nothing she will eat) I replied, "tell me what you will eat and I will buy it." She couldn't answer me (she didn't know, either). The conversation ended and she didn't eat. No attitude, not all huffy-puffy...just clueless as to the answer. Her BMI is 18, not underweight...but just barely acceptable. Like I said, I could cry. Help! I've never had her evaluated, $$ and public school entanglements deter me. Know any lay alternatives?

 

Geo

 

I so understand how you feel! My daughter is exactly the same way, and I do get annoyed at the "bad parenting" judgements that are passed on me by people who just don't get it. The worst part? I was SO one of those people! I did not understand how kids could just NOT eat something if their parents told them to. I get it now, and I will not go through through gagging/choking/vomiting nonsense that I went through with her for the first 6 or 7 years of her life. It's just not worth it.

 

FWIW, she's a mild Aspie (I've since found out) with fairly pronounced sensory issues. It's much easier for me to accept and cope with now that I understand it's a medical issue and not a behvioral/defiance issue.

[johnandtinagilbert]

This sounds almost like my Aspie DD, all the way down to the DiGiorno pizza!!!

 

She has a LITTLE more variety (grilled cheese, Kraft mac and cheese, cheese sticks, bread), and will drink milk, but that's about it.

 

I am ignorant in this subject matter. Is there any particular reason that Aspie children will only eat certain foods? Seems to be a red sauce pattern, as I know someone whose son will eat Spaghetti-o's....thoughts?

[Ibbygirl]

I am ignorant in this subject matter. Is there any particular reason that Aspie children will only eat certain foods? Seems to be a red sauce pattern, as I know someone whose son will eat Spaghetti-o's....thoughts?

 

It has to do with the sensory issues that go along with Autism. They cannot stand certain textures and that extends to foods as well. I'll never forget the first time my son ever touched shaving cream. His Occupational therapist sprayed a little mound of it onto a mirror that she and my son were standing in front of and she just took his hands and just swiped his fingertips through the shaving cream and he almost vomited. :eek: It's amazing the sensory sensitivities these kids have.

[AlmiraGulch]

I am ignorant in this subject matter. Is there any particular reason that Aspie children will only eat certain foods? Seems to be a red sauce pattern, as I know someone whose son will eat Spaghetti-o's....thoughts?

 

That's a great question, actually. The sensory issues are often symptoms of the syndrome, although people can certainly have one without the other. My daughter cannot tolerate strong tastes and has pretty severe issues with texture. For example, she absolutely cannot tolerate meat of any sort, and has been that way since she was a toddler. She says it isn't the taste, but rather the way it feels in her mouth instantly triggers her gag reflex.

 

I have to tell you that I would have been very irritated by the rudeness of the child, also, and may very well have said something to her about it! That said, I think this post may have set off such a reaction because it's really difficult for those of us with children who have eating "issues" to feel judged all the time. What's more, many of us harbor guilt about it and think it's something we've done or haven't done. It's such a touchy issue!

 

I was probably one of the most vocal critics of parents who allowed their children to dictate their own diets and meal choices, based largely on my own upbringing. I do agree with you that many times it's a case of parents spoiling their kids. However, I'm really careful not to make that assumption anymore. My own kids are so different, with my oldest having challenges and my youngest being an extremely adventurous eater, it's hard to believe they were raised in the same household by the same parents with the same rules!!!

[johnandtinagilbert]

Thanks Ibbygirl and QValencia. One of my children is a texture kiddo too. I have to peel peaches (well he does his own peeling now) b/c he can't stand the "fuzzies." The same one is crazy about not eating fat. He despises the texture.

 

Littlest ds is not a big meat eater. I make him eat it, but he'd prefer a bit more vegetarian. The problem is, he doesn't like very many cooked foods, so at dinner time, I always make a fresh food option. At least he'll eat a lot of whatever that is.

 

I appreciate the defensiveness of this topic...where it has gone anyways. I was really speaking to a particular issue, I've witnessed very often --- kids not being taught to eat well is really a different issue than sensory categories, or simply spoiled kids...which is another thread entirely :)

 

Again, thanks for the info. I appreciate the explanation...poor thing with the whipped cream....jokingly, I can't imagine a life w/o it! (tongue in cheek since this is my healthy food rant!)

[hornblower]

Whoa flashback! This is a re-run thread! We had this conversation months back about someone's teen lunch guests who didn't like salad (iirc?)

 

It was complete with the

-kids should never be picky

-kids may be picky but must be polite

-kids have to at least taste everything

-my kids have sensory issues & can't help not liking some foods & will barf all over your table if they're forced to taste things

-my kids can say no but should do so politely

-you're rude for making a fuss

-a host should not bring up the shortcomings of a guest

-you're doing a good thing by having high standards & demonstrating good diet

-you're allowed to correct manners if it's a kid

-I, an adult, am a picky eater. Picky eaters rise up!

-I would hate your food

-I would love your food. Invite me!

 

etc etc etc !

[Ibbygirl]

This sounds almost like my Aspie DD, all the way down to the DiGiorno pizza!!!

 

She has a LITTLE more variety (grilled cheese, Kraft mac and cheese, cheese sticks, bread), and will drink milk, but that's about it.

 

 

Wow!! hehehehehe What is it about Digiorno's pizza?? hehehehehehe I've even written to Kraft foods and told them about my son and even sent them a picture of him and asked them if there was anyway I can get a discount or coupons for buying in bulk (I cook 1 pizza everyday) but they said no. How lame is that! :mad: They told me to check the newspapers for coupons. GRRR I wish I could boycott them for their insensitivity, but it's the only thing he eats! :(

[johnandtinagilbert]

Whoa flashback! This is a re-run thread! We had this conversation months back about someone's teen lunch guests who didn't like salad (iirc?)

 

It was complete with the

-kids should never be picky

-kids may be picky but must be polite

-kids have to at least taste everything

-my kids have sensory issues & can't help not liking some foods & will barf all over your table if they're forced to taste things

-my kids can say no but should do so politely

-you're rude for making a fuss

-a host should not bring up the shortcomings of a guest

-you're doing a good thing by having high standards & demonstrating good diet

-you're allowed to correct manners if it's a kid

-I, an adult, am a picky eater. Picky eaters rise up!

-I would hate your food

-I would love your food. Invite me!

 

etc etc etc !

that's what I get for not hangin' out more! great concise list, thank you :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Wow!! hehehehehe What is it about Digiorno's pizza?? hehehehehehe I've even written to Kraft foods and told them about my son and even sent them a picture of him and asked them if there was anyway I can get a discount or coupons for buying in bulk (I cook 1 pizza everyday) but they said no. How lame is that! :mad: They told me to check the newspapers for coupons. GRRR I wish I could boycott them for their insensitivity, but it's the only thing he eats! :(

 

Have you asked your grocery store? I can get a 10% discount from my grocery store if I order a case of a particular item (any item). You would have to have a freezer to store it all in.

[Ibbygirl]

Have you asked your grocery store? I can get a 10% discount from my grocery store if I order a case of a particular item (any item). You would have to have a freezer to store it all in.

 

I buy them at BJ's in the 3 to a box pack. I've talked to the store manager and introduced him to my son and told him how important it is to us that the Digiorno's pepperoni pizzas are always in stock. hehehee but I never thought to ask him for a discount. He always says hi to me when he sees me and asks me about my son, and asks if I got my pizza for that day. :) I should ask him next time if I can get a discount. :)