nov05mama Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 if you could only choose ONE attribute for your child(ren) to have when they are grown, what would it be and why. I will save my answer til others have had a chance to answer :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Before I read the offered choices, the two thoughts that sprang to mind were "honesty" and "diligence" in that order. I chose "successful". By this, I don't necessarily mean success as defined culturally, i.e. money or fame. I mean to succeed at whatever they set out to do and be. Raise their children well, maintain their marriage well, manage their finances well, do their chosen occupation well, care for themselves well, contribute to their community well and so on. Personally, I don't think you can be successful by my description if you are not also kind and happy, and smart does not hurt. I also think if you are unsuccessful as I've described it, it's very unlikely that you will be happy and if you are unhappy, it's not probable that you'll be kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose kind, because with that comes happiness and often makes for a successful life all the way around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BalanceSeeker Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Kindness because most of the other choices fall in line after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose kind, because that is what matters most to me. Happiness is fleeting, and often found while considering circumstances. Now, had you said JOYFUL, well, that is different from being happy, and joyful would have been my top pick. You can have true joy in any circumstance... but not happiness. Success is fleeting as well, it's chasing the wind, always chasing the next thing up and contentment doesn't seem to last long. Smart? Well, what is knowledge in the long run? It too, is chasing the wind, a bottomless cistern never to be filled. As a Christian, my greatest wish is for my children to emulate Jesus, so kindness is my top pick of them all. Again, had JOYFUL been on the list, I would have chosen that, but then again, being joyful is also a by-product of being kind... so we're right back to kind. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I can't vote. Everytime I pick one, I imagine ones I didn't pick. It feels like the poll is: Pick three - Do I want a child that is unkind, unhappy, unsuccessful or dumb? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose kind, because with that comes happiness and often makes for a successful life all the way around.I was the other way around, I chose happiness because they will not be happy if they are not fulfilling their spirtual needs, which would include being kind. :) I definitely wouldn't choose smart. I know some stupid people who are plenty happy. It often makes me wonder if I'd prefer to be stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildflower Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I immediately thought of the Dr Sears book The Successful Child. He and wife Martha do a wonderful job pointing out that success is not money, college, career, possessions, etc. It is a great read and really can put things into perspective! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I would rather have persistent than any of the other choices. Almost anything is possible if you can keep trying long enough and hard enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I would rather have persistent than any of the other choices. Oh how I wish my DD wasn't persistent. LOL Almost anything is possible if you can keep trying long enough and hard enough. I used to believe that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nov05mama Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose kind, because that is what matters most to me. Happiness is fleeting, and often found while considering circumstances. Now, had you said JOYFUL, well, that is different from being happy, and joyful would have been my top pick. You can have true joy in any circumstance... but not happiness. Success is fleeting as well, it's chasing the wind, always chasing the next thing up and contentment doesn't seem to last long. Smart? Well, what is knowledge in the long run? It too, is chasing the wind, a bottomless cistern never to be filled. As a Christian, my greatest wish is for my children to emulate Jesus, so kindness is my top pick of them all. Again, had JOYFUL been on the list, I would have chosen that, but then again, being joyful is also a by-product of being kind... so we're right back to kind. :001_smile: I, too, chose kindness...Really hard to choose! In SO many ways, they are all very subjective. I think everyone, at some point or another is happy...and as far as smart...I figure smart is too hard to 'define' anyway...there are so many levels of smart and it also changes based on what KIND of smart, etc. And again, successful...well, that's in the eye of the beholder. I consider myself successful, but I am a stay at home mom, not a big bucks lawyer, etc. Kindness for me is the one that was less of a grey area. I think kindness is a true gift of the heart and is the ultimate judgment of character. If you aren't kind...what are you? ya know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I put successful, but I don't mean in a worldly way. In fact, I actually hope they are NOT successful by worldly standards. Like Carmen mentioned, recognizing and catering to their spiritual need (Matt 5:3) is highest on my list. If they are successful in pursuing life-saving knowledge (john 17:3; prov 2:1-5) and loving God (1 John 5:3) and fulfilling the ministry (2 Tim 4:5), they will be happy and make God happy in the process (Prov 27:11). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose happy, because I think a happy person can share and love others, a happy person is already successful (we are successful to be...happy, right?) , and truthfully, a happy person is not so common nowadays. A happy person doesn't go around hurting people. I mean truly happy. Not just high on drugs happy, of course. I think its hard to be kind if you are unhappy, but if you are happy, you will naturally be kind. I also see happy as something far deeper than walking around smiling all the time. It allows for other emotions too. It's just a deep sense of okness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLH in ND Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose kindness, but it was actually a toss-up between that and success (Pamela H. in Texas said it perfectly). Sheri :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 It was a toss-up between kind and happy. I chose happy because I know a lot of kind people who have had horrible luck and been stepped all over. I truly hope my children are both though :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I picked happy. They are already kind and intelligent, and being successful matters little if you're not happy. That's the toughie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose happy, because I think a happy person can share and love others, a happy person is already successful (we are successful to be...happy, right?) , and truthfully, a happy person is not so common nowadays. A happy person doesn't go around hurting people. I mean truly happy. Not just high on drugs happy, of course. I think its hard to be kind if you are unhappy, but if you are happy, you will naturally be kind. I also see happy as something far deeper than walking around smiling all the time. It allows for other emotions too. It's just a deep sense of okness. :iagree: I chose happy for the same reasons! (Thanks for saying it so well, Peela! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Before I read the offered choices, the two thoughts that sprang to mind were "honesty" and "diligence" in that order. I chose "successful". By this, I don't necessarily mean success as defined culturally, i.e. money or fame. I mean to succeed at whatever they set out to do and be. Raise their children well, maintain their marriage well, manage their finances well, do their chosen occupation well, care for themselves well, contribute to their community well and so on. Personally, I don't think you can be successful by my description if you are not also kind and happy, and smart does not hurt. I also think if you are unsuccessful as I've described it, it's very unlikely that you will be happy and if you are unhappy, it's not probable that you'll be kind. That is also what I chose and why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillieBoy Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose smart. Smart enough to be successful in whatever she chooses to do in her career and lifestyle. Smart enough to know the difference between kindness and being cruel hearted. Smart enough to know that happiness is a state of mind that can be attained by awareness. And smart enough to know that no matter what I will always love her.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose happy because I wasn't happy for the first 35 years of my life, smart, successful, kind, content even but not happy. I would have traded everything I had for what I have now. What good is it to be successful or smart if you are not happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Before I read the offered choices, the two thoughts that sprang to mind were "honesty" and "diligence" in that order. I chose "successful". By this, I don't necessarily mean success as defined culturally, i.e. money or fame. I mean to succeed at whatever they set out to do and be. Raise their children well, maintain their marriage well, manage their finances well, do their chosen occupation well, care for themselves well, contribute to their community well and so on. Personally, I don't think you can be successful by my description if you are not also kind and happy, and smart does not hurt. I also think if you are unsuccessful as I've described it, it's very unlikely that you will be happy and if you are unhappy, it's not probable that you'll be kind. I wasn't sure what to put at first. With each child is it different. But I like this answer, and really at the heart of it is what I want for all my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Agreeing w/ Peela. I think true happiness comes from within oneself. And ultimately, in life, who does one have but oneself? Regardless of where you are, the circumstances around you, and so on, you always have yourself for company. "To live happily is an inward power of the soul." (Aristotle) "Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others." (Anonymous) "Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead." (Scottish Proverb) "Happiness is having your dentist tell you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill." (Johnny Carson) -- I just had to throw that one in, lol. ;):lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 (edited) To me, happy and successful are both aspects of the same thing. I would not want them to be successful in the eyes of the world but morally bankrupt and emotionally empty. Nor would I want them to be happy in the sense of feeling constantly euphoric and delighted with everything. (I'm sure you didn't mean those things either, but just clarifying). I would ideally like them to live a principle-centred life in which they derive fulfilment from aligning their lifestyle with their values. This will sometimes mean they have to sacrifice being successful in favour of doing what they believe is right (eg my husband passed up a job at a casino because we don't want to promote gambling and the problems it brings for some families). It will sometimes mean that being unhappy about something is the trigger they need to work on changing it (eg we give money to charity because we are not happy that some families are living in terrible conditions without the basics of life). Kindness should come naturally as part of this paradigm. Intelligence? Smarts? Meh, I think everyone has their own gifts and we make a choice to use them for good or not so good. I don't much care how intelligent they are, as long as they try to develop their gifts and use them to good purpose. Edited August 6, 2009 by Hotdrink Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I picked kind because the others were too subjective for me. People can be happy, successful and smart in negative ways, but kind always has the best of intentions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I voted kind. But really I should have voted happy. The thing is if they were either of those without the other I'd be sad for them. If you are happy without kindness it's a hollow kind of happiness. If you are kind but not happy you are probably giving more of yourself than you ought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Before I read the offered choices, the two thoughts that sprang to mind were "honesty" and "diligence" in that order. I chose "successful". By this, I don't necessarily mean success as defined culturally, i.e. money or fame. I mean to succeed at whatever they set out to do and be. Raise their children well, maintain their marriage well, manage their finances well, do their chosen occupation well, care for themselves well, contribute to their community well and so on. Personally, I don't think you can be successful by my description if you are not also kind and happy, and smart does not hurt. I also think if you are unsuccessful as I've described it, it's very unlikely that you will be happy and if you are unhappy, it's not probable that you'll be kind. I agree totally with this answer, so I voted successful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Before I read the offered choices, the two thoughts that sprang to mind were "honesty" and "diligence" in that order. I chose "successful". By this, I don't necessarily mean success as defined culturally, i.e. money or fame. I mean to succeed at whatever they set out to do and be. Raise their children well, maintain their marriage well, manage their finances well, do their chosen occupation well, care for themselves well, contribute to their community well and so on. Personally, I don't think you can be successful by my description if you are not also kind and happy, and smart does not hurt. I also think if you are unsuccessful as I've described it, it's very unlikely that you will be happy and if you are unhappy, it's not probable that you'll be kind. :iagree:At first glance, successful was my last choice. But when defined like this, it jumps to the top. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loupelou Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I guess I am pessimistic about the word "happy". I feel like we see a lot of the attitude - "Do what you want, I just want you to be happy", most the time it isn't true happiness, but comes at the expense of others. So I do agree with all of the posts concerning true happiness - brotherly kindness. I would have said "virtuous". I hope that no matter what they can be true to themselves. That they will seek justice according to the dictates of their conscience. That they will choose the way of freedom, not just freedom from worldly enemies but those that seek to diminish their eternal potential. That their conduct will always reflect a belief that all people are God's children. That whether they find themselves in the minority or even standing alone that they not deny their knowledge of right and wrong. I hope in this way they can experience true happiness even joy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I picked happy since success doesn't guarantee happiness, but you can't be happy unless you are already kind. So being happy includes being kind. Smart - I know many unhappy smart people (and happy smart people). So my twisted logic leads me to happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Before I read your poll choices, I had already chosen 'teachable' and 'unselfish.' Mostly because my older middle twenties son is neither and is terribly unsuccessful at jobs and relationships. :glare: From your list, I would choose kind because a kind person will be sensitive to the needs of his work, his spouse, his children, and his friends. Happiness (contentment, joy, peace, and an optimistic attitude are a part of that) would be my close second. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mellifera Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I can't vote in this one. It is quite possible for someone to be smart and cruel - not a good combination; or kind and unintelligent - and get taken advantage of; or successful and unhappy - Michael Jackson is a case in point; and while happiness is nice, it is possible to have a selfish happiness that doesn't care what happens to others around you. I don't want that for my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Kindness. I would be okay (not really happy, but okay) with any of the other 3 not happening...but to have a cruel, un-kind child would NOT be okay with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Happy, because I struggle with this and know my oldest ds will also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Happiness can be subjective and temperamental. Kindness can create happiness and success, not always, but there is nothing to be said against it. Kindness is a virtue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I picked happy since success doesn't guarantee happiness, but you can't be happy unless you are already kind. So being happy includes being kind. Smart - I know many unhappy smart people (and happy smart people). So my twisted logic leads me to happy. I have that same kind of logic, so I came to the same conclusion as you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I voted smart, because then the child can figure out how to get the other one's! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 We are reading about Solomon so I chose "smart" as in actual Godly wisdom, which I believe will result in all fo the rest, although I don't think of happiness as a necessity.....I believe in joy and fulfillment in doing what the Lord requires of us, but it may not always make us happy. As my Sunday School teacher used to say, "Anyone who is happy, happy, happy all the time is on the 7th floor of the Psych ward." Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 We are reading about Solomon so I chose "smart" as in actual Godly wisdom, which I believe will result in all fo the rest, although I don't think of happiness as a necessity.....I believe in joy and fulfillment in doing what the Lord requires of us, but it may not always make us happy. As my Sunday School teacher used to say, "Anyone who is happy, happy, happy all the time is on the 7th floor of the Psych ward." Dawn :lol: I can agree with that on happy. But I'll still take kindness over smart. If there was a toss up between an unkind smart person and a not very smart kind person, I'll take the kind person first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I chose kind, because with that comes happiness and often makes for a successful life all the way around. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I can't answer your poll because if I could ONLY choose one, it would be VERY hard, but the one I'd choose would be HONEST. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Hen Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 When I learned I was pregnant I prayed for a happy, healthy child. That is what I continue to pray for my children. Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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