Dealing with comments about body size

[LadyR]

Can I just rant please?

 

I would never in a million years tell someone "You're so fat! You need to lose a few pounds!" So why is it okay for someone to say to me "You're so skinny!! You need to gain a few pounds!" Don't they realize that it's hurtful when they say it with disgust in their voice, and when they don't stop and go on and on? I'm so tired of justifying my size to people who act like there is something wrong with me. No, I'm not anorexic. No, I'm not sick. No, I don't have a thyroid problem. I eat healthily and have a healthy lifestyle. Besides, I don't think 5'2" and 114 pounds is offensively skinny. My kids are slender also and it makes me fiercely angry when people feel free to comment about their size - especially right in front of them.

 

I wish I had a good comeback to make them shut up but I can't think of anything that isn't hurtful right now. Any ideas?

[Brindee]

I grew up that way too! I'm 5'9", and when dh and I got married 21 years ago I weighed 118. After I had kids I ended up with a stomach, and more weight than I wish, though I'm not huge.

 

Anyway, my mom was the same way, and she'd say, "Why is it okay for them to say, 'You're as skinny as a beanpole!" but it's not okay for me to say, 'You're as fat as a barn!'?" :) I remember too, when I DID start weighing more than I liked, when people started saying how they weighed more than they wanted to, I'd try to join in and they'd say, "Oh shut-up. You're so skinny, you don't need to lose weight!" They really wouldn't even let me talk about it at all!

 

I never had a come-back either, so I just moved on to something else.... Hope you find some answers here!

[BigMamaBird]

I am 6'2" and I get complete strangers all the time making comments about my height. I have no problem helping old ladies get cereal off the top shelf, but who just randomly goes up to someone and asks how tall they are, or if they play basketball? :glare:

[Greta]

Some peopole will always find some excuse to criticize, even when it's none of their business. If they weren't picking on you for being thin (I've been there, too. I'm 5'9" and used to weigh 118, not because I was anorexic, but because that's the kind of metabolism I had!), they'd find something else to pick on you for. Just know that the problem is theirs, not yours.

Edited July 21, 2009 by GretaLynne
my bad mood was showing

[specialmama]

I hear ya. I used to be thin and I got the comments. Now I'm larger, I still get the comments. My dd is slim, and gets the comments. This devastates her as we have never made any big (or small) deal about it, we just have the view that God makes people in all shapes, sizes, colours, abilities, etc. There's no 2 alike. I'm trying to teach her to just stand tall and say "God made me that way!" and be done with it. How I wish people would see the inside, not the outside!!!

[Firefly]

I can relate; I get these comments all the time. I've spent my life trying to gain weight but my body just wasn't made to be that way. I don't have an answer for you, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone!:grouphug:

[Audrey]

No. It isn't okay either way. A person is not a size.

[Melissa in FL]

I so know what you mean. Of course I'm not the one who gets comments in our house, it's the kids. We were on vacation to visit family last week and I had to put up with a lot of comments about how thin my kids are and why don't we feed them. My husbands family are all on the small side and my kids are perfect. What really ticked me off is my neice who is 12 and the same age as my ds told him to his face that he was to skinny for his age. My neice weighs more than me (by 20 pounds) and I'm considered overweight on most charts!! Ds is just right and has followed the same growth curve all of his life. Yeah, I find it really rude and would love to say something equally rude, but I just smile and say "God made us all different and his weight is right where it should be."

Melissa

[Brindee]

I'm 5'9" and used to weigh 118, not because I was anorexic, but because that's the kind of metabolism I had!

That's me! Did you see my post? I can't seem to find where I missplaced that metabolism!:tongue_smilie: Most of my friends are 5 feet to 5'6", so I get the tall jokes too! Wanna be my friend? :D

 

but what REALLY bugs me now is people who feel they have the right to criticize me for having only one child, when they have no idea how hard that is for me and how deeply I hurt longing for more children.

One of my very good friends has the same thing happen to her. They wanted at LEAST 2 children, but they've had a horrible time conceiving. They did get to have one, but that's all, and she's cried and cried about it! Then it hurts even more when someone criticizes her for only having one!:crying: She's thrilled with her one chld, and feels blessed to have her, but her dream was to have more, and they've tried, so it's very hard! Now her sister found out she can't conceive and is devastated. Her sister gets the "So, when are you gonna have kids?" questions and that's hurtful too! Edited July 21, 2009 by Brindee

[swimmermom3]

I so know what you mean. Of course I'm not the one who gets comments in our house, it's the kids. We were on vacation to visit family last week and I had to put up with a lot of comments about how thin my kids are and why don't we feed them. My husbands family are all on the small side and my kids are perfect. What really ticked me off is my neice who is 12 and the same age as my ds told him to his face that he was to skinny for his age. My neice weighs more than me (by 20 pounds) and I'm considered overweight on most charts!! Ds is just right and has followed the same growth curve all of his life. Yeah, I find it really rude and would love to say something equally rude, but I just smile and say "God made us all different and his weight is right where it should be."

Melissa

 

This is my house too. Thin runs on both sides of the family and my boys are short. I so dearly love :D the well-meaning adult who comes up and plays "Let's guess your kids' grades". "So, the slightly taller one must be going into 6th grade, right?" Wrong. He'll be a freshman in high school. So then the gracious adult responds, "OOOh, well, he's just so short-usually I'm really good at guessing." Of course this is all said in front of my boys.

 

Swimmer Dude takes some flack for his height from his swim team squad members. His coach is pretty quick to squash that kind of stuff. However, the coach did tell me that the guys never say it to Dude if they're racing against him. That's good-I think.:001_huh:

[Pongo]

Can I just rant please?

 

I would never in a million years tell someone "You're so fat! You need to lose a few pounds!" So why is it okay for someone to say to me "You're so skinny!! You need to gain a few pounds!" Don't they realize that it's hurtful when they say it with disgust in their voice, and when they don't stop and go on and on? I'm so tired of justifying my size to people who act like there is something wrong with me. No, I'm not anorexic. No, I'm not sick. No, I don't have a thyroid problem. I eat healthily and have a healthy lifestyle. Besides, I don't think 5'2" and 114 pounds is offensively skinny. My kids are slender also and it makes me fiercely angry when people feel free to comment about their size - especially right in front of them.

 

I wish I had a good comeback to make them shut up but I can't think of anything that isn't hurtful right now. Any ideas?

 

I don't like it. Recently, a family member told my 7 year old she was thinner than a sliver. Now she is always saying, am I too thin. My husband is 6'4" and we are both on the thin side. If I had to pick my comments I'd take those over the " Why aren't your kids in school?" ..but that's another story.....

[Greta]

I can't seem to find where I missplaced that metabolism!:tongue_smilie:

 

:lol: Love that!

 

That's me! Did you see my post?

Most of my friends are 5 feet to 5'6", so I get the tall jokes too! Wanna be my friend? :D

 

Yes, absolutely! :D I have a few tall friends, but most are petite. One of my tall friends was telling me just Sunday that a mutual friend of ours, who is petite, told her to STOP hugging her the way she always did, because she was putting her booKs in her face! :lol: I always bend over to hug my petite friends, but I always feel really strange doing it. Guess that's better than putting my LACK of booKs in their faces, though!

 

One of my very good friends has the same thing happen to her. They wanted at LEAST 2 children, but they've had a horrible time conceiving. They did get to have one, but that's all, and she's cried and cried about it! Then it hurts even more when someone criticizes her for only having one!:crying: She's thrilled with her one chld, and feels blessed to have her, but her dream was to have more, and they've tried, so it's very hard! Now her sister found out she can't conceive and is devastated. Her sister gets the "So, when are you gonna have kids?" questions and that's hurtful too!

 

Oh, how awful. I just erased that part of my post because I felt bad for whining. I have the most amazing kiddo ever, and I need to focus on enjoying her and being grateful for her. But it is hard sometimes, especially when someone says "what, you didn't want more kids?" :( or, another personal favorite, when a mom of many says that a mom of only one doesn't really understand what it means to be a mom at all, right in front of you. :toetap05: People. What can you do?

[Veritaserum]

My 7yo weighs barely 40 lbs. I can easily wrap my forefinger and thumb around the top of her arm. I do not want her to get overanxious about her body and I'm glad that (so far) she hasn't gotten many comments. She is healthy. She is just really thin. Her doctor has merely emphasized that it is important to eat enough healthy food, but didn't make a big deal about it.

[Mabelen]

Can I just rant please?

 

I would never in a million years tell someone "You're so fat! You need to lose a few pounds!" So why is it okay for someone to say to me "You're so skinny!! You need to gain a few pounds!" Don't they realize that it's hurtful when they say it with disgust in their voice, and when they don't stop and go on and on? I'm so tired of justifying my size to people who act like there is something wrong with me. No, I'm not anorexic. No, I'm not sick. No, I don't have a thyroid problem. I eat healthily and have a healthy lifestyle. Besides, I don't think 5'2" and 114 pounds is offensively skinny. My kids are slender also and it makes me fiercely angry when people feel free to comment about their size - especially right in front of them.

 

I wish I had a good comeback to make them shut up but I can't think of anything that isn't hurtful right now. Any ideas?

 

Well, if you're skinny, so am I then. I haven't ever been told I'm skinny but plenty of people have told me I am petite. I guess it is a more polite way of saying hte same thing? I always say I was always average until I moved to England then the US. I don't know what you could say but it is annoying.

[swimmermom3]

Oh, how awful. I just erased that part of my post because I felt bad for whining. I have the most amazing kiddo ever, and I need to focus on enjoying her and being grateful for her. But it is hard sometimes, especially when someone says "what, you didn't want more kids?" :( or, another personal favorite, when a mom of many says that a mom of only one doesn't really understand what it means to be a mom at all, right in front of you. :toetap05: People. What can you do?

I"m so sorry. :grouphug: Unfortunately, women do tend to tout the "You Never Can Belong" club. It goes something like this. You haven't had your first period and everyone else has. Then you arrive at the doors to the club only to find out that now you need a boyfriend to gain admittance. You go out and get the boyfriend, but now you have got to get married to get into the club.

 

Now, once you are married, that's fine but you won't be a "real" woman until you have a child. Then, you have a child, but you are not a "real" mother because you don't have more than one. Finally, when your child or children leave home, if you dont not get a dog that needs exactly the same amount of care as a newborn infant, you are a loser.;) In other words, you still don't get to join the blinkin club. Aaaaagh. Drives me nuts.

[sparrow]

I"m so sorry. :grouphug: Unfortunately, women do tend to tout the "You Never Can Belong" club. It goes something like this. You haven't had your first period and everyone else has. Then you arrive at the doors to the club only to find out that now you need a boyfriend to gain admittance. You go out and get the boyfriend, but now you have got to get married to get into the club.

 

Now, once you are married, that's fine but you won't be a "real" woman until you have a child. Then, you have a child, but you are not a "real" mother because you don't have more than one. Finally, when your child or children leave home, if you dont not get a dog that needs exactly the same amount of care as a newborn infant, you are a loser.;) In other words, you still don't get to join the blinkin club. Aaaaagh. Drives me nuts.

 

 

This is SO true.

[keptwoman]

"You're so skinny" is one of my pet peeves too. Actually mostly it's "oh you skinny B***H" which just bugs me no end. It's incredible how in this PC world it's OK to be insulting to a skinny persons face. Fortunately I have a fellow "skinny" for a friend, so if I want to go clothes shopping it's her I go with, because it's clothes shopping where people really say it a lot.

[runninmommy]

Can I just rant please?

 

I would never in a million years tell someone "You're so fat! You need to lose a few pounds!" So why is it okay for someone to say to me "You're so skinny!! You need to gain a few pounds!" Don't they realize that it's hurtful when they say it with disgust in their voice, and when they don't stop and go on and on? I'm so tired of justifying my size to people who act like there is something wrong with me. No, I'm not anorexic. No, I'm not sick. No, I don't have a thyroid problem. I eat healthily and have a healthy lifestyle. Besides, I don't think 5'2" and 114 pounds is offensively skinny. My kids are slender also and it makes me fiercely angry when people feel free to comment about their size - especially right in front of them.

 

I wish I had a good comeback to make them shut up but I can't think of anything that isn't hurtful right now. Any ideas?

 

Oh! Honey, am I ever with you. I weigh 105.. Have lots of muscle. Am healthy but constantly have to deal with the same thing.

 

"You must just have a good metabolism"......UM no, I exersice and work my butt off every day.

 

"You can eat anything you want." No, I can't, I watch what I eat.

 

"You must have good genetics."

 

Why does everyone assume you must not have to do a gal darn thing to maintain your weight. This has always been an issue for me and drives me up the wall!!!!!

 

I can not say half the things that are said to me. It is so unfair.

Edited July 22, 2009 by runninmommy

[sleepymommy]

I've been in your boat all my life too. The 'skinny' comments are just plain rude and it's amazing the wide range of folks who make these comments.

[OHGrandma]

I think it's a way they feel they can express some envy without being too envious. You know, if they make a big deal about being 'envious', they think people won't realize how envious they really are.

The last time I remember commenting about a persons size was when I was in 9th grade and made a comment about a guy's height. He was well over 6'6". His response made me embarassed, and his look made me want to crawl under my chair. It sure made me aware of the fact that while many of us wish to be taller and/or thinner that it's not always fun for those who are taller and/or thinner.

 

Either thank them, or develop a whithering stare, haha.

[Hedgehogs4]

my response...

 

"beats being fat..." and walk away...

[Veritaserum]

my response...

 

"beats being fat..." and walk away...

 

:lol:

 

Tall comments are the bane of dh's family. He and his sisters are well over 6 feet and his dad is nearly 7 feet.

[LadyR]

 

Now her sister found out she can't conceive and is devastated. Her sister gets the "So, when are you gonna have kids?" questions and that's hurtful too!

I so understand how she feels. It took 7 years to conceived my first child. It was so hard to watch all my friends get pregnant (some after their first month of marriage) and raise a family. I was truly joyful for them, but inside I was devastated and even embarrassed by our inability to conceive. I had one friend announce she was pregnant with her third child and then turned to me and said, "Well, it's [insert her last name] THREE and [insert my last name] ZERO!" Like it was a football score. I was devastated. I'm sure she thought we were childless by choice, but it still really hurt and was deeply embarrassing.

[Firefly]

Oh! Honey, am I ever with you. I weigh 105.. Have lots of muscle. Am healthy but constantly have to deal with the same thing.

 

"You must just have a good metabolism"......UM no, I exersice and work my butt off every day.

 

"You can eat anything you want." No, I can't, I watch what I eat.

 

"You must have good genetics."

 

Why does everyone assume you must not have to do a gal darn thing to maintain your weight. This has always been an issue for me and drives me up the wall!!!!!

 

I can not say half the things that are said to me. It is so unfair.

 

Well, those things ARE me... I do have a great metabolism I guess. But the point is, is shouldn't matter what the reason a person is skinny is. Other people simply should not be making assumptions or comments either way, IMO.

[stripe]

People talk excessively about others' physical characteristics. It's very irritating. I sympathize.

[Pretty in Pink]

Yes, it is really annoying. I haven't learned to really "own" it yet. I try to laugh it off. Sometimes people feel the need to repeat themselves, "Yeah, but you're REALLY skinny!" Thank you, Captain Obvious. Sheesh.

[TravelingChris]

I was skinny for about half my life and got dumb comments all the time. I don't comment to people about weight, height, number of children (in a negative way), hair color, style, etc. What a way to annoy people. Why would I want to do that to strangers who are doing nothing wrong? Why would I want to do that to acquaintances? Why would I want to aggravate an annoying person? I can't think of any circumstance where me making such comments would be appropriate so I don't do it.

[KidsHappen]

This is just an impossible issue. I have five girls and they are not all the same size. Comments to that effect are not welcome. :glare: I tell my girls that they are exactly the size, shape and color they are supposed to be and growl at anyone who suggests otherwise.

[mlgbug]

hugs. my FIL whom we live with told me i was getting fat. i couldnt believe it, i go upstairs and excat words : "you alright? Your getting fat"

my jaw dropped. im 5'5 132 and well, NOT FAT! and this is commign from an obese man

[Colleen]

Can I just rant please?

 

I would never in a million years tell someone "You're so fat! You need to lose a few pounds!" So why is it okay for someone to say to me "You're so skinny!! You need to gain a few pounds!" Don't they realize that it's hurtful when they say it with disgust in their voice, and when they don't stop and go on and on? I'm so tired of justifying my size to people who act like there is something wrong with me. No, I'm not anorexic. No, I'm not sick. No, I don't have a thyroid problem. I eat healthily and have a healthy lifestyle. Besides, I don't think 5'2" and 114 pounds is offensively skinny. My kids are slender also and it makes me fiercely angry when people feel free to comment about their size - especially right in front of them.

 

I wish I had a good comeback to make them shut up but I can't think of anything that isn't hurtful right now. Any ideas?

Yes. My idea is to choose not to be a victim. I'm thin ~ moreso than you, based on the stats you offered ~ but it's up to me to decide whether or not comments about my size are hurtful (or not). My dad, in particular, always comments that I'm "nothing but skin and bones". Is he being "hurtful"? Nah. He's just talking ~ albeit without a great deal of forethought or diplomacy. But what of it? What, really, is the big deal? There's no need to act victimized about it.

[jewellsmommy]

Just try to keep in mind that everybody gets it somewhere. If you are thinner than the people around you they will make those comments and probably inwardly desire that someone could "make fun" of them for being too thin because they are simply jealous. It's insecurity, at least most of the time. I have not had that problem seeing as how I am am short and "plump." Trust me, the ladies like me get it on our side of the weight chart too. Just like the fact that not all thin people are simply blessed (you work at it) not all plump people are lazy and just eat twinkies. I don't know why some people feel free to comment on other people. When trying to conceive for years, I heard it ALL. All the cliches, over and over till you want to scream. I have come to realize that most people are not trying to hurt you. They just don't know what to say. We all slip up sometimes and say stupid things. The rest comes out of insecurity. And a very small minority are just plain bullies. We are teaching our dd that when this sort of things happen, you take it as a chance to excercise grace and forgiveness. I'm sorry to hear that you have been hurt by mean comments. Chances are that each of us have accidently let an offensive comment slip past our lips. If it is coming from people who love you, find a gentle way to let them know, they may not relize that they are being hurtful. It's annoying yes, but try to look past the rest and surround yourself with friends that love you for who you are. We all need uplifting from time to time.:001_smile:

[5kidsforME]

my response...

 

"beats being fat..." and walk away...

 

Its always nice when you feel someone is insulting you to insult a whole group of people that get insulted all the time. Hey, their broad shouldered, they can handle it right? :glare:

[claire up north]

"Why is it okay for them to say, 'You're as skinny as a beanpole!" but it's not okay for me to say, 'You're as fat as a barn!'?" :)

 

That is hysterical! :lol:

[JudyJudyJudy]

I've recently lost weight because I had to change my diet due to health problems (multiple food allergies). I'm still considered to be in the healthy weight range, but everyone seems to feel the need to comment on my 'being too skinny." It doesn't matter that I tell them how much better I'm feeling; they insist that I'm not eating enough and that I shouldn't have cut out some of the foods that I did. Go figure.

 

 

One of my very good friends has the same thing happen to her. They wanted at LEAST 2 children, but they've had a horrible time conceiving. They did get to have one, but that's all, and she's cried and cried about it! Then it hurts even more when someone criticizes her for only having one!:crying: She's thrilled with her one chld, and feels blessed to have her, but her dream was to have more, and they've tried, so it's very hard! Now her sister found out she can't conceive and is devastated. Her sister gets the "So, when are you gonna have kids?" questions and that's hurtful too!

Unfortunately, I can relate to your friend. I finally started avoiding my husband's sister partly because she would not stop with the comments about my "needing to give my son a sibling." This was in spite of the fact that she knew that I had had multiple miscarriages and ultimately secondary infertility. She even went so far as to tell my son to pray for a little brother or sister. :cursing:

[HFClassicalAcademy]

It's funny how people assume you are a certain size.

 

I've always been a "fat, skinny" person. This is the only way I can describe myself....at least because others have made me label myself!!

 

I'm the one who wears a size 4 and when friends find out, they say stuff like, "You're a size 4???!!!! I would NEVER have guessed! You just don't look like it!!" It's like they are accusing me of lying or something! It's like I need to be skin and bones to be a size 4. If I was skin and bones, I'd be a size 0 or less!

 

Pretty much they are telling me that I look fatter than I really am. It's very annoying. :glare:

 

 

Liz in NC

[Hikin' Mama]

and I ate like a horse to try to gain weight. When I was a freshman in high school I was so embarrassed because we had to weigh, in front of everyone, in PE, and I was the only one who didn't weigh 100 pounds (I was 5'6"). Well, I've since gained weight, and I'm pretty content with my almost 42-year-old body.

 

Oh, and I don't think this is a matter of playing the victim. Each of us has our soft spot; this was one of mine many years ago.

[Tree House Academy]

This society is just crazy like that. When I was 17, I was 5'6" and weighed 105 pounds (on a heavy day). I ate whatever I wanted and never gained a pound. I remember walking in the mall once and overhearing some snotty girls behind me saying things like, "omg..she is soooo skinny...it is gross!" Of course, they were kinda heavy, but at the time, it jus hurt my feelings. Then I started wearing baggy clothes to cover how thin I was!!!

 

I was 19 when I had my oldest son, and I gained a lot during pregnancy, and went to about 130 after giving birth. That was a GOOD weight for my height, but I was determined that I was now "fat." My ex husband encouraged my thoughts by telling me I had "junk in the trunk" and other "way to make yourself my EX husband" type comments.

 

When I had my younger son, I hit 185! So I went from 105 to 185 (of course at 185, I had a 9 mos gestation baby in my belly, but still). Now, I hoover around 145. It sucks, I hate it. However, I knew I was actually "fat" when I went up to a friend and she began talking about how much it sucked to be a little heavy. Then, she said something like, "people are so rude sometimes...do you ever get that?" Oh man! Right then, I knew I had to be fat...I had another person who was heavier comparing her situation to mine. Not to mention, my best friend growing up was always overweight and she point blank told me she was happy I was bigger because now I knew how she felt! (Okay, just for the record...she was 350 pounds when we were 16. I am pretty sure I will NEVER know how she felt!)

 

I guess, what I am saying is that whether you are heavy or thin, you will always have some idiot comment about it. ;(

Edited July 22, 2009 by Tree House Academy

[Guest lrmom]

When I was about 11 a camp counselor gave the same advice, thin people don't want to hear the comments just as much as heavy people don't. I also have some tall people in my family who can't stand the tall comments. And a child with lovely curly hair who at the moment doesn't mind the several comments daily on her hair, but she will. Being thin, tall and having curly hair are all "positive" attributes but we all have to realize that our own isolated comments has been multiplied 1,000 times for the person listening. So the lesson for us all is to think before we speak and make sure our comments are, shall we say, original.

[Supertechmom]

My kids are super skinny (medically a concern due to food issues) but I happened across a weight chart from England that puts them at 50% compared to America's chart of less than 3%. The last person who fussed about how skinny the youngest was and how nice a plump round child looked compared to Skinny Beany got the comment about yea, we would fit right in around average in England but America has gotten so fat that they keep adjusting the charts to make parents feel better about their porky kiddos.

 

Not nice I know. Sometimes, you just can't take it any longer. Especially when your kids walk around with a potato chip bag (family size bag) and empty it in between breakfast and lunch. And then eats an apple, banana, half a pan of brownies, and dinner. And still weighs about 7 lbs below average weight and needs to gain 3 lbs to even get on the chart. :glare:

[sparrow]

I've never felt victimized by comments regarding my thin frame, however, I am sometimes uncomfortable. How does one respond to a backhanded compliment :confused:? I'm not talking about women who say, "Oh, you're so lucky to be skinny." I'm talking about venomous women who say "Skinny b**ch" followed by "ha, ha, ha". They say they're just complimenting you and "you know I'm just jealous", but how do you respond?!

 

Thankfully, since I've been a SAHM, I don't run into this as much. It seems to be that toxic office environment that you see this in most often :glare:.

[Impish]

Today's society is so based on looks and youth, its frankly disgusting. My dd is a heavy kid, and gets comments. My younger two are tall and slender, and get comments. I'm overweight, and get comments, ESPECIALLY because my bust is extremely abundant. (BooK fairy was waaaaaaaaay too generous in puberty).

 

There's no winning. All I can do is try to be happy in who I am, teach my kids to be happy in who they are, and be glad that my dh loves me...in all my abundance ;)