Do you say “I hate…..�

[BillieBoy]

Do you say “I hate…..†and/or do you let your children say it?

 

I try very hard not to and it’s a big no-no in our house, I would say more so than a swear word. It gets tricky but I try to explain to my daughter that when you define or label something you hate that means there is absolutely no redeeming quality about it or any of its parts.

 

For example I have said “I hate tomatoesâ€. It’s true that I do not like raw whole warm tomatoes, but I love V-8, catsup, tomato soup, etc… Same goes for a type of person… “I hate child abusers†but most religions say you must love your fellow mankind regardless of their faults (however deplorable the acts they commit may be).

 

I do not find it offensive when others say it mostly because I know it is has become common place to use it somewhat loosely. Oh, the word “stupid†is also on our no-no list too.

 

So do you or do you allow your children to say “I hate…..� or am I just weird? :eek:

 

If you do what does the word hate mean to you?

 

BTW I did a search on this board for “I hate†and there were over 500 pages.

[Danestress]

I absolutely say "hate." I do, in fact, have a list of things I hate, like red pants, Dr. Pepper and certain local car deal commercials.

 

But anytime anyone in the family says it, my DH says, "Okay, Hateful Smurf" so we tend not to say it as much, because I have a household full of boys who really don't want to be likened to smurfs.

Edited July 3, 2009 by Danestress

[gardening momma]

I try not to say it around my kids or other kids, and I tell my kids not to say it. But our reading lesson book (100 Easy Lessons) has the word, and dd5 said, "I can't say that word." :001_smile: I had to explain that there are times when we can say that word, like "God hates sin" but there are a lot of times we can use a different word instead.

 

Ok, I have to insert here...dd3 was sitting on my lap just now, with her hands on mine as I was typing, and it was very difficult to type the correct letters. "God hates sin" came out "God hates sink." :lol: (If there's dirty dishes in it, I do too)

[creekland]

We say it - and there are indeed things I hate too... interestingly enough, always things and not people - though sometimes things people do (like tailgating when driving).

 

It's definitely no big deal here.

[swimmermom3]

Nah. In our household we say "I abhor, detest, or loathe...". It's usually in reference to things like scooping out the cat box or cleaning toilets. None of them are acceptable in reference to people.

[EmilyK]

I come at it from the opposite perspective but I'm interested in the other side.

 

My grandmother felt as you did, but for some reason, the word is so unloaded for me, that I can't seem to remember it bothers others. If one of my kids was using it a lot in a negative way, it would bother me, but more for the negative attitude.

 

I use the word love a lot too. I just said I love rhubarb to my family, but, as some would say, I'm not going to marry it. I actually can't think of much I really hate -- I can't think of any particular person I hate, for example -- so for me it is just a vocab word meaning strong dislike, but I don't have any strong emotion with it.

 

I think I'm making less sense as I go on, but I'm interested to read, since I don't like to cause offense.

 

I don't like stupid much, BTW, but I can't think it gets used much around here.

[Nestof3]

Yes, because there ARE things I hate, abhor, detest, and loathe. I don't understand what the benefit is in using a synonymn.

[wagnfun]

If one of my kids was using it a lot in a negative way, it would bother me, but more for the negative attitude.

 

.

 

 

Same here. We tend to say "I don't care for ..... or It isn't my taste" instead of "I hate.." Used in the bad attitude way, it is just complaining. Complaining isn't allowed around here either unless it is for corrective productive reasons (meaning you have something positive to say as well).

[Tree House Academy]

I don't let the kids say hate in regards to other people. If they want to hate a video game, then sure.

 

Stupid, to my kids, IS a curse word. LOL My almost 10 year old came home the other day from visiting his cousin and I asked him if the cousin cursed a lot (cousin is 13 and has been known to have a potty mouth). Older son said, "yeah, he says the s word constantly." I said, "Oh..sh*t?" and ds says, "NO mom...s-t-u-p-i-d." LOL I had to laugh. Fine by me though! Stupid is a terrible thing to say about anyone or anything, IMO. There are better words and calling something or someone "stupid" is just not okay here.

[BillieBoy]

I absolutely say "hate." I do, in fact, have a list of things I hate, like red pants, Dr. Pepper and certain local car deal commercials.

 

But anytime anyone in the family says it, my DH says, "Okay, Hateful Smurf" so we tend not to say it as much, because I have a household full of boys who really don't want to be likened to smurfs.

 

That's funny! You seem to use the word like I would use dislike, that's cool. Unless of course you wouldn't talk to me because I had on red pants. :tongue_smilie:

[Plucky]

We don't say hate much. When the kids were younger it was a bigger deal. Someone made the impression on us that hate was a word of hate and destruction, so we would say dislike, don't prefer, etc. Now we say hate a little more. I catch my kids saying crap & sucks sometimes, too. As the kids have gotten older we've slipped a bit. They are still loving and respectful but not perfect. I know some will think that is awful but I am okay with it depending on where we are and the situation.

[BillieBoy]

I come at it from the opposite perspective but I'm interested in the other side.

 

My grandmother felt as you did, but for some reason, the word is so unloaded for me, that I can't seem to remember it bothers others. If one of my kids was using it a lot in a negative way, it would bother me, but more for the negative attitude.

 

I use the word love a lot too. I just said I love rhubarb to my family, but, as some would say, I'm not going to marry it. I actually can't think of much I really hate -- I can't think of any particular person I hate, for example -- so for me it is just a vocab word meaning strong dislike, but I don't have any strong emotion with it.

 

I think I'm making less sense as I go on, but I'm interested to read, since I don't like to cause offense.

 

I don't like stupid much, BTW, but I can't think it gets used much around here.

 

I think the word hate doesn't bother me so much is that I am concerned that the connotations can imply something stronger than what was meant. English is not my first language so it is quite possible that I read more in to it. It seems to me there are so many words in the English language that are so very open to interpretation. :001_smile:

[helena]

I try not to use that word under most circumstances, and I don't let my kids use it either. I have had many moms roll their eyes at me on this one. I tell the girls that words are powerful, you can't just go around using them willy nilly. Hate is a powerful word and should be reserved for the right occasion. I hate racism for example. But if my kid is being served mushrooms they take a bite and say thank you, I just don't care for mushrooms.

I put it on the same level as shut up, it becomes a habit to use those words, and they begin to pop up more than they should.

[Garga]

We say "I hate" but NEVER about people. And I reign it in when ds starts in on "I hate math."

[KingM]

Do you say “I hate…..” and/or do you let your children say it?

 

Yes, I try not to do battle with the English language. It's like fighting the Pacific Ocean.

[OnTheBrink]

About things, yes. About people, no.

[BillieBoy]

Yes, I try not to do battle with the English language. It's like fighting the Pacific Ocean.

 

I agree the English language can be a chore. It just seems like that word is more absolute. For instance if declared a hate I would be more resolute to defend it. I used to be very verbal about my hate for tomatoes and later in life I found out that some in some things weren't so bad, but I continued my public face of disgust. So now I am a shameful sometimes closet eater of tomatoes, in fear of family harassment. :001_unsure:

[MamaT]

My kids use the word in reference to things/chores/TV shows, etc. but never when talking about a person.

[KingM]

I used to be very verbal about my hate for tomatoes and later in life I found out that some in some things weren't so bad, but I continued my public face of disgust. So now I am a shameful sometimes closet eater of tomatoes, in fear of family harassment. :001_unsure:

 

You hated tomatoes? Now that's just silly, isn't it? Hate should be saved for truly odious things like, say, spinach. ;)

[RegGuheert]

Do you say “I hate…..†and/or do you let your children say it?

I'm thinking I don't like this word, either. In the "tongue-in-cheek I hate" thread, I found myself typing something else into my response. Then I decided that I can type it in JUST THIS ONCE to go with the flow of the thread since it was all in jest.

 

I suppose I don't appreciate the kids saying "I hate..." either, but it certainly doesn't rank up there with lying or swearing in my mind.

[LaxMom]

Same here. We tend to say "I don't care for ..... or It isn't my taste" instead of "I hate.." Used in the bad attitude way, it is just complaining. Complaining isn't allowed around here either unless it is for corrective productive reasons (meaning you have something positive to say as well).

Yup, that's us, too. The only time we use "hate" is in a tongue in cheek sort of way... "Mooooooooom! I just fell in a giant mud puddle" - "I hate when that happens! Oh, well, you might as well keep playing until it's time to come in for supper." Really, it's to diffuse impending melodrama.

[Quad Shot Academy]

We don't use the word hate here. We say, "I don't prefer," or, "It is not my prefrence," or "It is not my favorite." The only time it has come up here is about food at the dinner table and if one starts to hate it, the rest are likely to follow.:willy_nilly:

[lionfamily1999]

We avoid it, it comes up every now and again, and when it does I ask them to find a more specific word. I find hate too strong of a word for general use.

 

Now, the words "never" and "always" on the other hand ;) The kids are not allowed to use those words unless they actually apply to something. IOW, I never get to... results in loss of whatever it is they "never" get to play with, the same for , 'he/she always gets to...'

[Amy loves Bud]

 

for some reason, the word is so unloaded for me, that I can't seem to remember it bothers others. If one of my kids was using it a lot in a negative way, it would bother me, but more for the negative attitude.

 

 

I agree. No one here ever says it about another person, and that would definitely not be acceptable. I think I say, "I hate it when that happens!" a fair amount. But again it is not loaded for me, either. If my kids were saying it a lot with a really negative attitude, I might change my tune. But I really haven't noticed them saying it much at all.

[ncmomo3]

We don't use the word hate here. We say, "I don't prefer," or, "It is not my prefrence," or "It is not my favorite." The only time it has come up here is about food at the dinner table and if one starts to hate it, the rest are likely to follow.:willy_nilly:

 

:iagree:

We also don't use 'love' for such things as "I love these green beans." That must seem like nit-picking but we reserve the words love/hate for when they are truly appropriate. We just try not to dilute the meaning of either if possible.

I love my kids. I find green beans tasty.:tongue_smilie:

[EmilyK]

I realize we use it more in the "hate that when it happens" way. Never thought about using it about another person! My younger son has a temper, and could easily do that, but we're working on that for a whole host of reasons. :001_smile:

 

One thing I did when my kids were little which I had totally forgotten about until you reminded me -- when there was a food they didn't like, or something like that -- was say "not what you were expecting?" "not your favorite?" and I think that stuck as the way we express those sort of preferences. Good habit to be in, but I did it mostly to diffuse the potential for negative drama about unliked foods. Thanks for the reminder to be careful about that.

 

And this whole thread reminded me of my grandmother which is always nice. :001_smile:

[Angel]

I do not allow my girls to say "hate" or "stupid." Unfortunately, I am not so good about that myself. But I try to think about it before I say it, and try not to. My younger dd likes to catch me and let me know that I'm not supposed to say those words :glare:

 

All it took was one visit to my SIL's when dd was 2 or 3 and every other sentence out of my nephew's mouth was "I hate..." No exaggeration. It immediately became something we didn't do.

 

I banned stupid because I did not want my girls to call each other or other people that. It's just not nice. I used to hear it so often between siblings or friends. Didn't want that either.

[Radish4ever]

We rarely use the word hate, and when it slips out, my DD always reminds me that we don't say that. LOL

[Karenciavo]

No, we don't like that phrase around here and only use it when we are misbehavin'

[EKS]

Yes. It's just a word. Like abhor, detest, and loathe.

[MyThreeSons]

I know that I frequently say, "I HATE being late!" -- usually when someone is making us run late to get somewhere. (We are VERY rarely truly late, but I'm one of those who thinks that if I'm not early, I'm late.)

 

We don't allow hating of people -- we may hate what someone does, but we don't hate the person.

[mktkcb]

Weeeellllll, I do let my kids say it, but not about people usually. However, if you have ever seen the show on Nickolodeon called Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, there is an episode in which Blue is chasing Mr. Hareman around squeaking a pink elephant, and Mr. Hareman turns around and says (in a very proper British accent) "I dislike you with great intensity!". Ever since then, that particular phrase has come in handy on occasion as a handy substitute for "hate". It has a certain......."Je ne sais quoi" :o).

[Guest Katia]

I don't have a problem with the word "hate" and do use it frequently. As in: I truly hate homeschool groups who claim to be 'support groups' but judge whether a family is "the right kind of Christian" and selectively not allow families to join.

[BillieBoy]

Yes. It's just a word. Like abhor, detest, and loathe.

 

True, true!

 

But Merriam- Websters gives this definition: 1 a: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b:extreme dislike or antipathy.

 

That just seems so strong, esp. when referring to tomatoes. :ack2:

[BillieBoy]

"I dislike you with great intensity!".

 

I like this! :rofl: I'll have to remember that one the next time I'm in traffic.

[BillieBoy]

I don't have a problem with the word "hate" and do use it frequently. As in: I truly hate homeschool groups who claim to be 'support groups' but judge whether a family is "the right kind of Christian" and selectively not allow families to join.

 

Uh-oh! Sorry! :grouphug:

[EKS]

True, true!

 

But Merriam- Websters gives this definition: 1 a: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b:extreme dislike or antipathy.

 

That just seems so strong, esp. when referring to tomatoes. :ack2:

 

I totally agree about when referring to tomatoes. But green peppers--it makes perfect sense there!:001_smile:

[Karenciavo]

I don't have a problem with the word "hate" and do use it frequently. As in: I truly hate homeschool groups who claim to be 'support groups' but judge whether a family is "the right kind of Christian" and selectively not allow families to join.

 

Bean dip

Edited July 4, 2009 by Karenciavo

[mellifera]

Yes, because there ARE things I hate, abhor, detest, and loathe. I don't understand what the benefit is in using a synonymn.

 

:iagree:

[Peela]

I am aware that there is a strong energy around the word and I rarely use it. Just like I dont like to make jokes about things that in real life I wouldnt want to come true (like, 'I could kill my dd right now', or, 'I wish he would drop dead'). I believe that words do carry energy and intent and we would be wise to be careful what we say even in jest or mild frustration. And hate is way too strong a word for most things.

However, I do not get offended if other people use the word and I don't teach my kids not to use it. It's just for myself.

[BillieBoy]

I am aware that there is a strong energy around the word and I rarely use it. Just like I dont like to make jokes about things that in real life I wouldnt want to come true (like, 'I could kill my dd right now', or, 'I wish he would drop dead'). I believe that words do carry energy and intent and we would be wise to be careful what we say even in jest or mild frustration. And hate is way too strong a word for most things.

However, I do not get offended if other people use the word and I don't teach my kids not to use it. It's just for myself.

 

:iagree: I guess I should have clarified it is too strong for most things. Like another posted stated "I hate prejudice" that holds true for me too. Also it was only a no-no to say it until dd fully understood the implications of the meaning, and never towards a person or a group persons.

[swimmermom3]

Yes, because there ARE things I hate, abhor, detest, and loathe. I don't understand what the benefit is in using a synonymn.

 

The benefit in our home of using a synonym is to expand my dc's sorry little vocabularies in everyday speech. It's a tongue-in-cheek way of getting them to consider more carefully their word choices. I often think and/or write without examining what I am saying or the affect it will on others. I want better for my children. However, that may be futile as their mother's speech and writing looks like it came straight from the IEW banned word list.:001_huh:

Edited July 4, 2009 by swimmermom3

[Nestof3]

The benefit in our home of using a synonym is to expand my dc's sorry little vocabularies in everyday speech. It's a tongue-in-cheek way of getting them to consider more carefully their word choices. I often think and/or write without examining what I am saying or the affect it will on others. I want better for my children. However, that may be futile as their mother's speech and writing looks like it came straight from the IEW banned word list.:001_huh:

 

I am big on expanding vocabulary around here as well. I use a variety of words (usually naturally, sometimes purposefully) as a way to build vocabulary. My husband likes to play on this, and the kids get a kick out of it.

 

I may say something like, "Nathan, that really was superfluous." My husband will then say, "It was also not needed." Nathan loves vocabulary as well and uses so many fabulous words rather than relying on the mundane all the time. I love it! It reminds me of herbs and spices in food. :D

 

The other day, he was describing a character from one of his books, and he said "oh, and he had tremendous girth." And he winked. I do know Nathan uses the word "detest" in place of "hate" often, but I'll add in a few more for variety's sake.

 

What I really loathe is when people say, "That's retarded" or "Don't be retarded." That seriously sends me through the roof, and I never remain quiet on that one.

[Tess in the Burbs]

I heard my kids once say "I hate..." and I had to tell them not to say it. We talked about disliking something and truly HATING something.

 

And then I heard myself one day say, "I hate brussel sprouts", lol. Ok, they learned it honestly ;-)

 

So we have had to correct the phrase when it's hurtful about someone. But if they HATE green beans I don't freak out anymore. I remind them they dislike them, but hate is a strong word. And then I try not to agree when they say they hate hot weather. :D

[Haiku]

I do not allow my children to say they hate things or people. My parents didn't care when I said it, so occasionally I say it by mistake, but I then follow up with, "No, I don't actually hate that, I just don't like it much/am feeling crabby right now/etc."

 

The thing that really tweaks me the most is when a hungry child says they are starving. I have always taught my children never to say that (two of my kids actually were in starvation situations at times in their lives before they came to us) and I am always unpleasantly shocked when I hear other kids say it. I have told my kids, "People who are starving are dying because they don't have enough food to sustain their bodies. Being hungry is not starving."

 

Tara

Edited July 4, 2009 by TaraTheLiberator

[Desert Rat]

I didn't used to let my ds say "hate". Now there are so many other words that are worse, I've lightened up on that one. :o FWIW, I never let them say "starving". I tell them if they've had a meal in the last week, they aren't starving. We all have a peeves. LOL

[swimmermom3]

 

What I really loathe is when people say, "That's retarded" or "Don't be retarded." That seriously sends me through the roof, and I never remain quiet on that one.

 

Dawn, I do remain quiet on that one when directed towards a person - very quiet. I swivel around quickly and raise one eyebrow in the offending dc's direction. They mumble quick, but sincere apologies and make a hasty exit.

 

However, "The movie was retarded," gets the usual treatment. Different eyebrow raised and a request for "Clarification, please". "Do you mean something was impeding the progress of the movie?" Then, we have a dictionary session.

 

Now that I have teens, I have occasionally had that dictionary used against me.:tongue_smilie: I was painting a wall, lost focus, and sent a swath of red onto the white ceiling. I made a less-than-scholarly comment. Shortly, all 3 dc showed up holding the dictionary and asked for, "Clarification, please."

[BillieBoy]

Now that I have teens, I have occasionally had that dictionary used against me.:tongue_smilie: I was painting a wall, lost focus, and sent a swath of red onto the white ceiling. I made a less-than-scholarly comment. Shortly, all 3 dc showed up holding the dictionary and asked for, "Clarification, please."

 

:lol: A few weeks ago my dd was hanging out in the barn while dh was working and he banged his hand on something hard and let the sh** word fly. Later that day she was running without looking and fell and dh overheard her muttering "oh, feces!"

[SquirrellyMama]

I don't like the word hate and try not to say it much. I also don't like the words stupid or idiot either.

 

But the reality is there are things I hate in this world, there really are idiots in this world and sometimes my kids are stupid to each other.

 

Ok, I don't call my kids stupid but sometimes they do call each other that.

[lionfamily1999]

I am aware that there is a strong energy around the word and I rarely use it. Just like I dont like to make jokes about things that in real life I wouldnt want to come true (like, 'I could kill my dd right now', or, 'I wish he would drop dead'). I believe that words do carry energy and intent and we would be wise to be careful what we say even in jest or mild frustration. And hate is way too strong a word for most things.

However, I do not get offended if other people use the word and I don't teach my kids not to use it. It's just for myself.

Except that I have taught my kids not to use certain words, because of their power, I agree with everything else you've written. I do believe that you can inadvertently cause things to happen, shifts in reality or in your own mindset, because of the words and energies you put out into the world.

 

One thing I've pointed out to my kids is that the world is not a very big place and there's no real need to contribute to the negative feelings surrounding it. IOW, think positive, be positive, and add to the happy/good/positive in the world.