Do you spank your children?

[Jen500]

We don't spank.

 

Last year I was at an event with (mostly) hs'ers. I overheard the mom of a crying toddler say to the dad, "Go ahead and spank him, these are homeschoolers, they won't mind." :confused:

[Elizabeth Conley]

When my first child was born, I was firmly in the "No spanking!" PC camp. I did all the PC things. By age 2 1/2, my daughter was disobedient in ways that put her life and limb at risk. She ran into traffic, she pulled the protective caps off of light sockets, she undid her child seat, and she squirmed and struggled against me in her efforts to touch hot things. I exhausted myself keeping her safe from the world. She was a smart little girl, very loving, and she enjoyed my exclusive attention. When she risked her safety, I became immediately and totally engaged in her. For this reason, although she was a delightful child in every other respect, she tended to disobey in ways that kept me in a near constant state of terror. PC discipline models that worked in correcting other misbehaviors were a grim failure in the arena of personal safety.

 

Then her brother was born. A few months later, in the midst of a typhoon, she disobeyed me by taking a 2 1/2 quart stock pot full of hot soup out of the microwave. (OK self-righteous idiots, have a field day with your coulda, shoulda, I wouldas! Whatever! I did all that PC cr@p! She disobeyed me - plain and simple!)

 

I will never forget her sweet little toddler voice. "I can do it Mommy!"

 

Diapering her brother on the other side of the room, I responded. "No, only Mommies take things OUT of the microwave. I'll get the soup, and you can get the crackers."

 

Then my desperate scrabble across the dining area to the open kitchen, screaming "No!" and not being fast enough.

 

She pulled the heavy pampered chef microwave pot out of the oven, pulled it close to her waist and tilted it up into her waistband. In an instant, she received 2nd degree burns to at least 20 % of her body. I grabbed the pot and slung it away. I stripped her cloths and ran icy cold water over her burned body. She screamed, and screamed, and screamed. Somehow, I dialed for the base emergency crew.

 

They arrived in a 5 ton truck, the only vehicle even remotely safe in the midst of the storm. Six hulking Marines in foul weather gear came in and stared in blank horror at the burned toddler as she shrieked in agony. Nothing could be done. Her condition was not immediately life threatening, and the trip to the hospital would have placed many lives at risk. In an hour, they were gone.

 

I rode out the long storm alone with my severely burned daughter and chubby, content little infant son. As soon as it was safe to travel, we went to the military hospital on Kedena Air Base. Traveling across Okinawa in the wake of a Typhoon is not for sissies, nor is facing down a bunch of suspicious medical personnel who imagine you to be a child abuser of the worst sort.

 

The long ordeal of treating my daughter's burns was unspeakably horrible. Her suffering was appalling. You can't imagine what she went through, so don't try. The contempt the medical personnel had for me was palpable. They treated me very, very badly. In the end, my daughter healed with almost no scarring. This was miraculous, and due to very, very good care.

 

A supercilious, self-righteous doctor asked me what I had learned from the ordeal. I looked him square in the eye and told him the blunt truth:

 

"I learned to spank my children when their disobedience places them in harm's way."

 

He was outraged. He blustered, he fumed, but he had to let me go. He and his staff had put me through a gauntlet of interrogation, intending to prove that I had scalded my child deliberately. They never could prove their fantasy, but they put me through He#. In the end, I was free to apply the lesson of that horrible tragedy.

 

I spank my children very rarely. They're good kids, and almost never disobey. Neither got spanked after the age of 8. Nonetheless, there was no more PC drivel about time-outs or talkie-talkie-beggie-pleadie when the kids pulled dangerous stunts. I spanked.

 

A smart bottom is nothing compared to multiple compound fractures, scrambled brain, scalded body, electrocution, drowning...

Edited July 2, 2009 by Elizabeth Conley

[swellmomma]

Gee, I'm in Canada, so I'm even more North. Even north by Canadian standards, really...And I spank occasionally.

:leaving:

 

 

 

Hehe I'm right there with you

[Impish]

When my first child was born, I was firmly in the "No spanking!" PC camp. I did all the PC things. By age 2 1/2, my daughter was disobedient in ways that put her life and limb at risk. She ran into traffic, she pulled the protective caps off of light sockets, she undid her child seat, and she squirmed and struggled against me in her efforts to touch hot things. I exhausted myself keeping her safe from the world. She was a smart little girl, very loving, and she enjoyed my exclusive attention. When she risked her safety, I became immediately and totally engaged in her. For this reason, although she was a delightful child in every other respect, she tended to disobey in ways that kept me in a near constant state of terror. PC discipline models that worked in correcting other misbehaviors were a grim failure in the arena of personal safety.

 

Then her brother was born. A few months later, in the midst of a typhoon, she disobeyed me by taking a 2 1/2 quart stock pot full of hot soup out of the microwave. (OK self-righteous idiots, have a field day with your coulda, shoulda, I wouldas! Whatever! I did all that PC cr@p! She disobeyed me - plain and simple!)

 

I will never forget her sweet little toddler voice. "I can do it Mommy!"

 

Diapering her brother on the other side of the room, I responded. "No, only Mommies take things OUT of the microwave. I'll get the soup, and you can get the crackers."

 

Then my desperate scrabble across the dining area to the open kitchen, screaming "No!" and not being fast enough.

 

She pulled the heavy pampered chef microwave pot out of the oven, pulled it close to her waist and tilted it up into her waistband. In an instant, she received 2nd degree burns to at least 20 % of her body. I grabbed the pot and slung it away. I stripped her cloths and ran icy cold water over her burned body. She screamed, and screamed, and screamed. Somehow, I dialed for the base emergency crew.

 

They arrived in a 5 ton truck, the only vehicle even remotely safe in the midst of the storm. Six hulking Marines in foul weather gear came in and stared in blank horror at the burned toddler as she shrieked in agony. Nothing could be done. Her condition was not immediately life threatening, and the trip to the hospital would have placed many lives at risk. In an hour, they were gone.

 

I rode out the long storm alone with my severely burned daughter and chubby, content little infant son. As soon as it was safe to travel, we went to the military hospital on Kedena Air Base. Traveling across Okinawa in the wake of a Typhoon is not for sissies, nor is facing down a bunch of suspicious medical personnel who imagine you to be a child abuser of the worst sort.

 

The long ordeal of treating my daughter's burns was unspeakably horrible. Her suffering was appalling. You can't imagine what she went through, so don't try. The contempt the medical personnel had for me was palpable. They treated me very, very badly. In the end, my daughter healed with almost no scarring. This was miraculous, and due to very, very good care.

 

A supercilious, self-righteous doctor asked me what I had learned from the ordeal. I looked him square in the eye and told him the blunt truth:

 

"I learned to spank my children when their disobedience places them in harm's way."

 

He was outraged. He blustered, he fumed, but he had to let me go. He and his staff had put me through a gauntlet of interrogation, intending to prove that I had scalded my child deliberately. They never could prove their fantasy, but they put me through He#. In the end, I was free to apply the lesson of that horrible tragedy.

 

I spank my children very rarely. They're good kids, and almost never disobey. Neither got spanked after the age of 8. Nonetheless, there was no more PC drivel about time-outs or talkie-talkie-beggie-pleadie when the kids pulled dangerous stunts. I spanked.

 

A smart bottom is nothing compared to multiple compound fractures, scrambled brain, scalded body, electrocution, drowning...

:grouphug: First time I ever spanked was when my eldest dropped my hand and ran out into the street in front of a car. Hugged him with one arm, smacked his butt with the other.

[Heather in OK]

No, we do not.

 

I can not wrap my head around how it makes any sense. How hitting a child can teach obedience boggles my mind. I also don't buy the whole, "..it works for some kids but not others."

 

I also do not believe spanking is Biblical. My loving Father God does not cause me physical pain to help me learn obedience. I read something the other day from a friend of mine that is so absolutely true, "If God's kindness leads His children to repentance, why do people think the opposite will work on their own children?"

[lionfamily1999]

:grouphug: First time I ever spanked was when my eldest dropped my hand and ran out into the street in front of a car. Hugged him with one arm, smacked his butt with the other.

Driving down 301 and dd undid her seat belt and climbed in the back window. I almost had a heart attack. Older ds, tried to pull Grampa's feeding tube out, I could not get him to understand it wasn't a game. Youngest attempted to jump off the end of a pier into the river.

[Elizabeth Conley]

Impish,

 

Hugged him with one arm, smacked his butt with the other.

 

Your parenting instincts were better than mine. If I'd started with common sense, I would not have learned such a hard lesson.

 

I was simply a very anxious parent. I read everything I could find about parenting, and tried way too hard to be perfect.

[Firefly]

I can't understand the implication that horrible accidents only happen to non-spanked children...? My siblings and I were spanked as kids. My brother disobeyed my mother's explicit instruction that he stay out a decrepit old cherry tree, climbed up as far as he could, and broke his arm when a branch snapped and he fell. He's lucky it was only his arm that broke! Children that are spanked disobey just as much as other kids.

 

We do not spank. Not because it is "PC" :001_huh:, but because being spanked as a child destroyed my self esteem. I was not spanked often, or harshly, and never in anger--but I found the experience humiliating and degrading. With my own, I have never raised a hand to them in any way; they are happy, well adjusted, and very well behaved. It is possible to achieve this without spanking.

[Impish]

Impish,

 

 

 

Your parenting instincts were better than mine. If I'd started with common sense, I would not have learned such a hard lesson.

 

I was simply a very anxious parent. I read everything I could find about parenting, and tried way too hard to be perfect.

I did that too, Elizabeth. I came from an abusive home. I knew I *didn't* want to be my parents, and was terrified of 'continuing the cycle' as I'd heard mournfully predicted of children who are abused. I read everything and anything I could get my hands on, desperate to find the RIGHT way to parent. Running in front of a car, and all bets are off. Far better to whack-a-butt then bury a child.

[lionfamily1999]

I can't understand the implication that horrible accidents only happen to non-spanked children...? My siblings and I were spanked as kids. My brother disobeyed my mother's explicit instruction that he stay out a decrepit old cherry tree, climbed up as far as he could, and broke his arm when a branch snapped and he fell. He's lucky it was only his arm that broke! Children that are spanked disobey just as much as other kids.

 

We do not spank. Not because it is "PC" :001_huh:, but because being spanked as a child destroyed my self esteem. I was not spanked often, or harshly, and never in anger--but I found the experience humiliating and degrading. With my own, I have never raised a hand to them in any way; they are happy, well adjusted, and very well behaved. It is possible to achieve this without spanking.

I'm not sure that anyone is trying to imply that non-spanked kids are going to end up dead or burned or anything. It's that, for some parents, in those cases spankings are deemed the best possible solution.

 

I was spanked as a child, but found being chastised in public, or infront of anyone, really, to be crushingly embarassing. I do not argue with my dh in public and I pull my kids aside, where no one else is, before I speak with them about bad behavior. It's interesting, because that embarrassment has had a HUGE impact on how I treat my family. Spankings were just spankings. The things that earned me one, I did.not.do.again. They hurt, physically, but (with a single exception) emotionally I was more sad that I had caused it than anything else.

[JudoMom]

they are happy, well adjusted, and very well behaved. It is possible to achieve this without spanking.

 

I'd like to point out that it's also possible to achieve this with spanking.

[melissel]

I can't understand the implication that horrible accidents only happen to non-spanked children...? My siblings and I were spanked as kids. My brother disobeyed my mother's explicit instruction that he stay out a decrepit old cherry tree, climbed up as far as he could, and broke his arm when a branch snapped and he fell. He's lucky it was only his arm that broke! Children that are spanked disobey just as much as other kids.

 

We do not spank. Not because it is "PC" :001_huh:, but because being spanked as a child destroyed my self esteem. I was not spanked often, or harshly, and never in anger--but I found the experience humiliating and degrading. With my own, I have never raised a hand to them in any way; they are happy, well adjusted, and very well behaved. It is possible to achieve this without spanking.

 

ITA. I also don't understand the implication that only children who are spanked learn not to do dangerous things. Both of my girls have done things that people here have mentioned spanking for. They were disciplined in a non-physical way, and I learned how to do my best to prevent further incidents (like the running across the street). Neither child has done those things since (though I never, ever let my guard down with DD3). It's not as though no one ever had a strong-willed or spirited child that they successfully parented without spanking.

[Melissa in CA]

I didn't read all the post because, frankly, this has been discussed thoroughly in the past and I know what the majority of responses will be. :001_smile:

 

Yes, we most definitely spanked our children when it was needed. Our oldest was HORRIBLE. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Nothing worked with this child except a swap on the behind. Next son was not so horrible. Only got spanked when deliberately and willfully misbehaved. Youngest has been a model child. Just had to raise my voice a tad to get his attention. I think he's been spanked maybe once? twice? I, of course, have not spanked my boys in a very, very long time! My oldest would laugh at me should I try...besides being 20, he's twice my size! :lol:

 

If you have another means of discipline that actually works, by all means use it before spanking. Our first reaction was not to spank, we used various disciplines. To think those who do spank are behind the times in some way though is unfair. Spanking is not child abuse. Child abuse is child abuse...there is a differrence. And a general observation of teenagers these days will tell you that discipline is NOT happening in many homes. If you don't get them to obey you while they are young, you're fairly doomed to enduring some form of teenage rebellion. Thankfully we have not had to deal with any form of teenage rebellion. Even though our boys know they are to old to spank...they wouldn't think of rebelling. They don't even talk back. ;) I have such good boys!:D

[Firefly]

I'd like to point out that it's also possible to achieve this with spanking.

 

Absolutely! I never said otherwise.

 

I'm not sure that anyone is trying to imply that non-spanked kids are going to end up dead or burned or anything. It's that, for some parents, in those cases spankings are deemed the best possible solution.

 

I was spanked as a child, but found being chastised in public, or infront of anyone, really, to be crushingly embarassing. I do not argue with my dh in public and I pull my kids aside, where no one else is, before I speak with them about bad behavior. It's interesting, because that embarrassment has had a HUGE impact on how I treat my family. Spankings were just spankings. The things that earned me one, I did.not.do.again. They hurt, physically, but (with a single exception) emotionally I was more sad that I had caused it than anything else.

 

Thanks for clarifying, Julie. It just seemed that pp's were saying if they had only spanked, their child would not have disobeyed. Believe me, my brother disobeyed plenty (often repeating the same offense, and spanking didn't seem to deter him). And yeah, ITA that spanking effects different kids in different ways. Obviously, that was the case with my bro. But for me, it was devastating. Thanks again for sharing your experiences.

[Tenaj]

No, we do not.

 

I can not wrap my head around how it makes any sense. How hitting a child can teach obedience boggles my mind.

 

/QUOTE]

 

 

I find it interesting how many responders are automatically changing the word "spank" to "hit". They are not one and the same. I do not hit my children when they are disobedient, I do however, spank my children in order to disciple them into obedience and that spanking occurs on a very padded part of their anatomy.

 

Changing the word to "hit" is very inflamatory in my opinion.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[melissel]

I'd like to point out that it's also possible to achieve this with spanking.

 

But if there's another way (or ways, many), why would you resort to physical violence to teach a lesson? Don't we teach our children that people's bodies are their own? We don't hit? We don't bite? We don't pull hair? We don't pinch? Keep your hands to yourself? Hitting is not how you solve problems? Unless you're a parent, and then it is? I don't understand how we could consider our children lesser in that regard.

[melissel]

No, we do not.

 

I can not wrap my head around how it makes any sense. How hitting a child can teach obedience boggles my mind.

 

/QUOTE]

 

 

I find it interesting how many responders are automatically changing the word "spank" to "hit". They are not one and the same. I do not hit my children when they are disobedient, I do however, spank my children in order to disciple them into obedience and that spanking occurs on a very padded part of their anatomy.

 

Changing the word to "hit" is very inflamatory in my opinion.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Striking a person's body to cause pain and make an impact is hitting. I don't see how you could consider it not to be hitting? :confused:

[Leah]

at least all the southerners are incredibly funny! :lol:

 

(from a westerner who also finds your tone judgemental...)

[Carrie12345]

I don't like the question "Do you spank?"

Have I spanked? Yes

Do I consider spanking a part of my parenting philosophy? No

 

Obviously, because I have spanked, I don't automatically consider it abuse. I do feel that *for me*, with *my children*, within *my parenting philosophy*, the spankings I've given have indicated a failure to properly teach my children a lesson before a behavior went too far.

 

So, really, I'm the one who actually deserves the spankings! :eek:

[SonshineLearner]

Yep, us too. We are southern and obviously not as refinied as you northerners. We just beat our kids with sticks when they are bad - it is all part of the Southern heritage, you know. :glare: :cursing:

 

ETA: OMG...reading your other rude remarks about living in one place all our lives, etc. You totally need to stop typing now. Offensive is NOT the word! Back off!

 

Actually, when I was a teen, I was told by a very Southern man *race undisclosed* that the harder you beat your children...the more you love them. When I married my husband, who had two children from before, I told him, "I'm a Southern Mama, and if you don't want kids I have to be spanked...better marry someone else." But, there's a lot to having children besides if you spank or not. Besides, my dog ate the spanking spoon!

 

So, I try to only love my children a little.... a little love goes a long way...

 

Carrie

PS, I was paddled in public school and it would NEVER happen to my children.

[melissel]

So, really, I'm the one who actually deserves the spankings! :eek:

 

Ha! My mother (reformed spanker) says the same thing.

[Veritaserum]

ITA. I also don't understand the implication that only children who are spanked learn not to do dangerous things. Both of my girls have done things that people here have mentioned spanking for. They were disciplined in a non-physical way, and I learned how to do my best to prevent further incidents (like the running across the street). Neither child has done those things since (though I never, ever let my guard down with DD3). It's not as though no one ever had a strong-willed or spirited child that they successfully parented without spanking.

 

:iagree:

[Impish]

Frankly, I find it more child abuse to not discipline a child at ALL than to give them an occasional swat on the butt. (and I'm not saying that if you don't spank you're not disciplining)

 

You know the child I'm talking about. The one that rampages around the park, shoving other kids, taking toys, punching, yelling, while the mother sits there doing nothing other than calling out, "Now, now, Ethan, be nice!" while her child terrorizes the entire playground. Or the kid at Diva's soccer that shoved her around, called her names, etc. When I talked to his mother, she informed me that it was all DIVA'S fault, that Diva had mouthed off at her darling child, and her son "doesn't bully anyone without a reason." and she was far more upset that my dh had *dared* to talk to her child at all. (He'd told the child as the child was leaving the field that he should have more respect for his teammates. The child circled around him several times as we were walking to the van, back talking him, telling him to mind his own business, etc) To me, *that* is far more abusive parenting than a swat on the rump. Her 'darling' child is going to grow up without the ability to manage his behaviour, the other kids are going to avoid him like the plague, so he's going to have even worse behaviour because he's lonely and angry over THAT, Mom is going to continually blame others for her kid's acting out, and excuse her kid's actions, so he's never to blame...To me, that's far more child abuse than spanking.

[lionfamily1999]

But if there's another way (or ways, many), why would you resort to physical violence to teach a lesson? Don't we teach our children that people's bodies are their own? We don't hit? We don't bite? We don't pull hair? We don't pinch? Keep your hands to yourself? Hitting is not how you solve problems? Unless you're a parent, and then it is? I don't understand how we could consider our children lesser in that regard.

Different things work for different people.

Striking a person's body to cause pain and make an impact is hitting. I don't see how you could consider it not to be hitting? :confused:

Because if most parents did, then they would be fine with throwing a fist around every once in awhile to make an impact. Spanking is, normally, done on the bottom, sometimes, on the back of the hand. It's done with an open, flat hand. There is a difference. I would not say someone hit me, if they slapped me, because I see a difference there. It may be the same thing for you, but it's very offensive for people who see the difference to be told they're the same thing. Since it's not something you do, maybe using someone else's terminology would make more sense, if only because it would be clear to them that you understand, or try to, their point of view.

[Firefly]

Frankly, I find it more child abuse to not discipline a child at ALL than to give them an occasional swat on the butt. (and I'm not saying that if you don't spank you're not disciplining)

 

:iagree:

 

Ha! My mother (reformed spanker) says the same thing.

 

My parents are both reformed spankers as well. They deeply regret doing it, but were just doing what their parents did.

[HRAAB]

No, never have, never will. I cannot imagine hitting a child. And my children are very well behaved.

 

Janet

[Free Indeed]

Yes 'um I sure do spank!

[melissel]

Different things work for different people.

 

That doesn't make them right.

 

Because if most parents did, then they would be fine with throwing a fist around every once in awhile to make an impact. Spanking is, normally, done on the bottom, sometimes, on the back of the hand. It's done with an open, flat hand. There is a difference. I would not say someone hit me, if they slapped me, because I see a difference there. It may be the same thing for you, but it's very offensive for people who see the difference to be told they're the same thing. Since it's not something you do, maybe using someone else's terminology would make more sense, if only because it would be clear to them that you understand, or try to, their point of view.

 

So does that mean I can tell my kids that as long as they hit kids at the park in only one specific way, and with love, that it's OK? I don't think spanking is OK. I actually think it should be illegal, the same way it's illegal to strike strangers. I won't be convinced that any parent couldn't live without it in their "toolbox" and that there are not equally effective, more loving ways of disciplining a child. Striking a person is hitting, plain and simple, whether you do it on the bottom, the face, the back of the head, the hand, whatever.

[Peggy in Va]

I do.

 

Perhaps it's because I'm from the south and backwards.

 

:lol: Then I guess I'm backwards too.

 

I think there is a huge difference between a swat on a well padded bottom and making the child go outside and get the switch with which they are about to be hit. I have never spanked bare bottom. I take that back. It happened once when my oldest was little and he would not stop trying to get out of the bath tub. No matter how many times I told him to stop.

 

I can probably count on one hand the number of times each of my dss have felt a thump on their bottom. And, I do think there comes an age where it is totally inappropriate.

 

I must confess though, when my oldest was 18 or 19 I did spank him with a book (I certainly wasn't going to use my hand, that might hurt me). Mind you we were joking around, and he said to me, "Obviously I wasn't spanked enough as a child." Excuse me, was that a challenge? ;)

[TammyinTN]

Nope I haven't spanked anyone in many, many years. I used it as a last resort...like running off in parking lots where safety was a big issue. I have found there are many different ways to get children to obey without having to spank. My youngest is 11 and I can only remember 2 spankings and he's a great kid. :D

[lionfamily1999]

That doesn't make them right.

 

 

 

So does that mean I can tell my kids that as long as they hit kids at the park in only one specific way, and with love, that it's OK? I don't think spanking is OK. I actually think it should be illegal, the same way it's illegal to strike strangers. I won't be convinced that any parent couldn't live without it in their "toolbox" and that there are not equally effective, more loving ways of disciplining a child. Striking a person is hitting, plain and simple, whether you do it on the bottom, the face, the back of the head, the hand, whatever.

Oh, I misunderstood. I thought you were asking, because you wanted to know and/or understand.

 

Never mind.

[Karen in CO]

No, I don't spank my children. And my boss at work doesn't hit me me when I do something wrong, and my dh and I don't hit each other. I have been in a few real fights in my time and have hit a few people that really needed hitting.

 

And, I do know people that use spanking in a sensitive and caring manner as part of a well-thought out disciplining process, and I have no problem with that. I have also seen people use horrible, violent words and other behaviors with their kids who thought that spanking was barbaric. I don't think it is a litmus test for good parenting.

[melissel]

Frankly, I find it more child abuse to not discipline a child at ALL than to give them an occasional swat on the butt. (and I'm not saying that if you don't spank you're not disciplining)

 

Well, of course, but there's a VERY broad spectrum of options between that and spanking.

 

That story makes me want to puke though. Your DH held it together so well in that situation. He must have thought his head was going to explode.

[jujsky]

I did a few times, but each time was purely out of frustration, and I realized that was the wrong reason to spank DS. If I'm telling him not to hit others (a reaction he sometimes has when he's frustrated) then I'm being totally hypocritical for spanking him out of frustration. I stopped doing it for that reason, and also because it didn't seem to be any more effective than time-outs or taking toys away from him.

 

I know it works on some kids, but if anything it made mine even MORE defiant -- not a good thing! I am not judging those who spank. I don't think there is anything necessarily anything wrong with spanking if that's what works for some kids, as long as it's not done out of anger and frustration on the parent's part, and as long as it's just a couple of butt-taps and not a beating. It just never worked for my son, and I didn't like the reason I was doing it. I've never, ever had to spank DD because she's generally well-behaved. Usually a warning suffices. If I have to put her in the corner, she'll sit there, cry, and say things to herself like, "I'm so ashamed! I did a bad thing!" They're 2 very different kids!

 

BTW, I'm also in the North. I have only 1 friend that I know of who uses spanking as a punishment as well as time-outs depending on the offense. There is always a warning issued before though. Everyone else either uses time-outs, or they don't admit to spanking. Personally, I think there are a lot of "closet spankers" out there who just won't admit to it because it is so taboo now.

[Melissa in CA]

I won't be convinced that any parent couldn't live without it in their "toolbox" and that there are not equally effective, more loving ways of disciplining a child.

 

You equate spanking with unloving parenting! I find that offensive indeed. Melissa, you apparently have some issues with this topic. I think instead of offending everyone who believes otherwise with your comments, perhaps you should agree to disagree. :confused:

 

I spanked my children BECAUSE I loved them! Trust me, it would have been easier to not spank them. Easier to reprimand them and send them to their room, or some other such HORRIBLE consequence (being sarcastic ;)). You apparently have had some bad experiences with spankings, but when a spanking is done properly...and no, not everyone does it properly...the child comes to you in repentance and you love on that child and hold that child and tell that child how much you hate having had to spank them. An unloving parent is one who does not discipline and I think discipline can be different for different people. And not one form of discipline will work with every child, some children will only respond when spanked. I had one, I know of which I speak. And trust me, with him being our first, I tried everything else imaginable before spanking. :glare:

[6packofun]

Aww, we're Yankee Spankers so you're argument doesnt work, Julie! LOL!! I'm kidding...but I think I like Yankee Spankers as a group name of some kind. Or a restaurant.

 

OK, kidding again. We do spank, but it's a rare, last resort type of discipline technique reserved for specific situations and usually not the first tool we use. We also have one child that we very, very rarely spanked because it was simply not effective with her personality and struggles. We don't spank before age 2 or 3 and usually not past age 10. I actually can't remember the last time we felt the need to spank...

[lionfamily1999]

Aww, we're Yankee Spankers so you're argument doesnt work, Julie! LOL!! I'm kidding...but I think I like Yankee Spankers as a group name of some kind. Or a restaurant.

 

OK, kidding again. We do spank, but it's a rare, last resort type of discipline technique reserved for specific situations and usually not the first tool we use. We also have one child that we very, very rarely spanked because it was simply not effective with her personality and struggles. We don't spank before age 2 or 3 and usually not past age 10. I actually can't remember the last time we felt the need to spank...

Lol, more like a football team!:lol:

[BillieBoy]

I’ve spanked my dd 3 times in her life. Twice out fear, power outlet and woodstove, and once out of frustration. It was the last that stopped me from doing it again. Mind you it was only a few swats on a padded bum but the terror in her eyes killed me. Now I just feel guilty because I can manipulate her emotions such as her guilt and fear of disapproval to get desired results. Sometimes being a parent can just suck when you have to do those grown up things like spell out boundaries and inform perspective. Oh wait, isn’t that called raising a child. :tongue_smilie:

[melissel]

You equate spanking with unloving parenting! I find that offensive indeed. Melissa, you apparently have some issues with this topic. I think instead of offending everyone who believes otherwise with your comments, perhaps you should agree to disagree. :confused:

 

I spanked my children BECAUSE I loved them! Trust me, it would have been easier to not spank them. Easier to reprimand them and send them to their room, or some other such HORRIBLE consequence (being sarcastic ;)). You apparently have had some bad experiences with spankings, but when a spanking is done properly...and no, not everyone does it properly...the child comes to you in repentance and you love on that child and hold that child and tell that child how much you hate having had to spank them. An unloving parent is one who does not discipline and I think discipline can be different for different people. And not one form of discipline will work with every child, some children will only respond when spanked. I had one, I know of which I speak. And trust me, with him being our first, I tried everything else imaginable before spanking. :glare:

 

I do indeed have issues with this topic, though I wasn't beaten as a child or anything, if that's what you mean. It's a hot button issue for me because I believe children should be entitled to the same bodily integrity as adults. And since this is a discussion thread, I don't really have to agree to disagree (though it might save my sanity today). I can try all I want to change minds and express my opinion, the same way I've seen others do in other threads.

 

I'm certain that most people who spank their children love their children. I simply do not see physical punishment as a necessity. I've disciplined my children in non-physical ways and still had them come to me in repentance and sorrow for what they did. There was no need to lay a hand on them. I simply don't believe it's a necessity. Again, I point out that many, many parents have strong-willed children, and they manage to discipline and change behavior in non-physical ways.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling offended (didn't we just have a thread about that?!), but I stand firm in my beliefs on this, and I'm unapologetic for them. I taught my children that you don't hit to solve your problems, and I believe the same goes for adults as well. I'm sorry if that doesn't concur with what you believe.

[Elizabeth Conley]

"ISSUES"

 

It's important to understand where we must agree to disagree, or waste the day arguing.

 

I've been in both camps, so I can vouch for this simple reality:

 

only a significant life-changing experience can alter a person's point of view on this subject.

 

Argument is ineffectual.

 

I posted my experience for one reason only: to reassure anxious parents who know the rare spanking is necessary for discipline, but feel intimidated by the PC crowd.

 

The sound and fury of the PC crowd is intimidating, but there are worse things than having to face their impassioned contempt.

 

Just keep on parenting to the best of your ability. The vast majority of quiet, easy-going folks in this land do understand corporal punishment, and will support your good-faith parenting efforts.

Edited July 2, 2009 by Elizabeth Conley

[Plucky]

I do indeed have issues with this topic, though I wasn't beaten as a child or anything, if that's what you mean. It's a hot button issue for me because I believe children should be entitled to the same bodily integrity as adults. And since this is a discussion thread, I don't really have to agree to disagree (though it might save my sanity today). I can try all I want to change minds and express my opinion, the same way I've seen others do in other threads.

 

I'm certain that most people who spank their children love their children. I simply do not see physical punishment as a necessity. I've disciplined my children in non-physical ways and still had them come to me in repentance and sorrow for what they did. There was no need to lay a hand on them. I simply don't believe it's a necessity. Again, I point out that many, many parents have strong-willed children, and they manage to discipline and change behavior in non-physical ways.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling offended (didn't we just have a thread about that?!), but I stand firm in my beliefs on this, and I'm unapologetic for them. I taught my children that you don't hit to solve your problems, and I believe the same goes for adults as well. I'm sorry if that doesn't concur with what you believe.

 

Wait a minute. Aren't you the serial screamer??? I remember you posting that your kids and your temper were out of control.

[CookieMonster]

Since you're taking a poll: yes. Although what you think of as a spanking may not be what I'm thinking of.

 

I can not wrap my head around how it makes any sense. How hitting a child can teach obedience boggles my mind.

 

This is not meant to be snarky, and I have to put that disclaimer on because this really could be read that way. But, if you think about it, spanking has worked for centuries as a tool to teach obedience. (ETA) The Amish are some of the sweetest, kindest people I know. They spank.

Edited July 2, 2009 by CookieMonster

[ekarl2]

 

(one message board I'm on defines spanking as 1-2 swats with a hand on a clothed bum...but very few people I've known IRL would consider that spanking at all...they'd consider people that only did THAT to be nonspankers!).

 

 

 

 

This was very helpful, Pam. I think it's important (at least to me) to make the distinction between a light pop or swat on the padded hiney at the actual moment of misbehavior (touching something you don't want them to touch after being told "no," etc.) and taking a child in another room and saying, "you're getting a spanking now for doing what you did." To many the term "spank" can refer to either thing. I've had to pop quite a few times to get my son to stop doing something he shouldn't, but I've never sat a child down for a spanking. I'm not saying I won't (mine are still quite little), but I've never had to do it. I really think there's a HUGE difference.

[SonshineLearner]

Here's the funny thing about rearing children. (Thanks to my homeschooled days, I learned that you rear children and you raise...say...corn) Everyone has something that they think others should or should not do. I think you should give your children milk with life (raw), organic food, nurse them till they are as old as possible..or until at least 3,4,maybe 5?, never give them formula (and give them goat's milk if you need a sub), not give high fructose corn syrup, soak their grains, not let them watch tv, not have them watching movies, not ingest artificial colors, give them real beeswax crayons to color with, NEVER yell at them, take them on nature walks, not leave them at daycare, sling them instead of strollers, use cloth instead of disposables...(talk about taking care of their bums and not causing permanent damage...did you know there are studies that show that the temp rise in a disposable might lead to problems esp for boys and infertility later in their lifes?) Rock your baby to sleep. I mean, I think formula is like poison for children. Especially normal formula. BUT, we're suppose to not be a mom's milk-v-formula place. When are we gonna realize that you may yell at your kids...I may put them over my knee and smack their little hiney. I pushed this kids out (actually he was more like pulled out). I did it without pain meds because I wanted them to not have drugs in their system. He was 10lbs 3 oz. 23 1/4 inches long. I went through *hell* for him to be born without drugs. I love him more than anyone. There's no way that you can say your way is better than me, and make me feel bad. I mean...everyone makes different choices for their families. I could say...."you used DRUGS for your delivery? How could you use drugs for pain and then tell your children that they can't use drugs if they want to?? HOW oh How??" When can we actually stop being so judgemental??

 

Carrie

[Erica in PA]

Over the past two days I read two threads that involved spanking their children because they did not do as asked (aka misbehaved).

 

I must admit I am kinda in shock. I always thought spanking was a thing of the past. I live in the North and maybe we do things different around here. I don't know of anyone who admits to spanking their kids (what they do in private I don't know).

 

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much but it does. I am not passing judgement on anyone!!! Don't send me hate mail.

 

My son had very serious behavior issues up until about age 5 (he did not speak till he was 4 and had serious sensory issues. He was seriously frustrated at not being able to speak and communicate his wants/needs). If I had spanked him everytime he misbehaved I would have been put in jail for child abuse.

 

I just thought in this day/time people had figured out better ways of dealing with their children.

 

End of my rambling.

 

Yes, you're definitely mistaken. I'm surprised that you're surprised. ;) Many, many people use spanking as a form of discipline, and with good results. No need to feel upset or sorry for our children-- they know the reasons for the discipline, and that they are well-loved. In fact, my children know this Bible verse and take it to heart:

Prov. 13:24-- "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." In other words, they know that we spank *because* we love them, and care about the direction they go. What is or isn't politically correct in today's culture has little to do with how we raise our children.

[Melissa in CA]

I do indeed have issues with this topic, though I wasn't beaten as a child or anything, if that's what you mean. It's a hot button issue for me because I believe children should be entitled to the same bodily integrity as adults. And since this is a discussion thread, I don't really have to agree to disagree (though it might save my sanity today). I can try all I want to change minds and express my opinion, the same way I've seen others do in other threads.

 

I have no problem with you voicing your opinion, or trying to change minds, but you should be able to do that without resorting to offensiveness. ;)

 

I'm sorry you're feeling offended (didn't we just have a thread about that?!), but I stand firm in my beliefs on this, and I'm unapologetic for them.

 

Actually, I don't offend easily. I'm not in the least offended personally, but I feel your comments are partially meant to offend instead of educate.

 

I taught my children that you don't hit to solve your problems, and I believe the same goes for adults as well.

 

It's odd, but my children had NO problem seeing the difference between them getting a spanking, and hitting other people. :confused: They have never once, in the entire course of their lives, hit another person. I guess I just have exceptionally smart logical boys who are able to reason things out very well indeed. :D

[melissel]

Wait a minute. Aren't you the serial screamer??? I remember you posting that your kids and your temper were out of control.

 

Ha! Serial screamer. I like that! It might have been me. Sure, I go through phases where I'm unhappy with how I talk to my kids. Don't we all? I'm pretty sure that has more to do with the fact that I'm an introvert who never has alone time, works from home 30 hours a week (still training too) with only part-time child care, and has pretty much sole care of the house, children, and homeschooling because DH works a 60-70 hour week. I'm overextended and exhausted. Which part of that would spanking solve?

 

ETA, I forgot to address the out-of-control kids part. Yep, I've definitely posted here when I've been frustrated with DD3. She went through a hitting phase, definitely. I even slapped her hands a few times in desperation. Didn't change a thing. What DID change it was vigilance and patience, and some changes on her sister's part as well (as in, learn to step away from her, and stop antagonizing her). I seem to recall that there have been plenty of people also posting in desperation over one of their children's phases who have been spanking as a disciplinary method, and have been achieving no results using that method. There's one on the board right now.

Edited July 2, 2009 by melissel

[Plucky]

Ha! Serial screamer. I like that! It might have been me. Sure, I go through phases where I'm unhappy with how I talk to my kids. Don't we all? I'm pretty sure that has more to do with the fact that I'm an introvert who never has alone time, works from home 30 hours a week (still training too) with only part-time child care, and has pretty much sole care of the house, children, and homeschooling because DH works a 60-70 hour week. I'm overextended and exhausted. Which part of that would spanking solve?

 

I don't spank. I don't scream though either. I think screaming at kids is poor parenting and very damaging.

[BakersDozen]

A smart bottom is nothing compared to multiple compound fractures, scrambled brain, scalded body, electrocution, drowning...

:iagree:

 

We spank. My dc are not bound for counseling for low self-esteem. They know they are loved and do not fear me. They also know boundaries and the consequences for crossing those boundaries. I choose spanking over other "effective" parenting techniques like counting to 3 ("One, two...Joey you know what happens when I say 3 (absolutely nothing happens, btw)...three...Joey come here NOW!!! DO YOU HEAR ME??? (Yes, he hears you as does the entire playground and he knows as well as we all do that you are going to do nothing about his disobedience)".), threatening abandonment ("Mama is leaving...goodbye...I'm leaving now!"), bribery ("If you get your shoes on now and come with Mama we can go get some ice cream."), dragging/grabbing by the arms (love it when I see parents yanking their kid by one arm), shouting/yelling/screaming, or the always lovely technique of allowing my dc to scream and throw things (or kick holes in walls) alone in their room (my friend's version of a time-out). If there is a behavior I want stopped immediately, never to happen again I spank/swat because I have witnessed a 3yo pulling a TV down onto his private area and will never get the sound of the screams out of my head. His mother didn't spank/swat him because she didn't want to hurt him. :001_huh: Another friend who also didn't want to hurt her child watched as he got my front door open and ran into a busy street, narrowly missed being hit by a truck (she used a child latch on her front door instead of training him which worked really well (sarcastic) when she left her house for a house that didn't have a latch).

 

Born in the South, raised in the West, set in my ways however backward they may be.

[Firefly]

"ISSUES"

 

It's important to understand where we must agree to disagree, or waste the day arguing.

 

I've been in both camps, so I can vouch for this simple reality:

 

only a significant life-changing experience can alter a person's point of view on this subject.

 

Argument is ineffectual.

 

I posted my experience for one reason only: to reassure anxious parents who know the rare spanking is necessary for discipline, but feel intimidated by the PC crowd.

 

The sound and fury of the PC crowd is intimidating, but there are worse things than having to face their impassioned contempt.

 

Just keep on parenting to the best of your ability. The vast majority of quiet, easy-going folks in this land do understand corporal punishment, and will support your good-faith parenting efforts.

 

So, you actually think that people that chose not to spank are doing so because they are trying to be "PC"? That's just as bad as saying that all parents who spank are doing so because they're uneducated rednecks. Both sentiments are equally laughable!