14 yrs old and the internet ?

[Murphy101]

I have rarely let my children be on the internet. At about 12 or 13 they are typing and sending some homeschool stuff in, Spanish online, some ACT/SAT prep sites are visited... that's about it. Other than Spanish, they probably aren't on the computer more than an hour a week - on a busy week.

 

They do not have their own email addresses and they never get online to chat or check emails.

 

It seems that everyone expects my sons to get online though?

 

Several times this week my sons have been invited to join homeschooling e-loops or message boards. His spanish instructor has been sending him emailed study lessons each day.

 

I have repeatedly said, that if people IRL want to get to know him they need to call. Apparently saying to use the phone to actually talk to someone is archaic? They look at me like I'm nuts. Which reminds me, no I'm not goign to buy my kid a cell phone and if I get another text message from kid I'm going to block them from MY cell phone! (my provider charges me for incoming texts so I don't appreciate it!)

 

Opinions?

 

An annoyed mom.

Who does get the irony of posting this on a message board!;)

[Ria]

Well, since you asked, lol, I think perhaps you need to become more in step with the times. People communicate electronically these days. It's easier and faster. I would much rather send someone an email than have to call them, especially if I just needed to give them information. For example, your Spanish teacher can write one email and send the study packet electronically to all the students at once, which is much faster than having to call each student.

 

Whether you like it or not, the internet and e-communication is here to stay. You could put a porn filter on your computer and have a family email address, which would allow you to feel more comfortable and give your kids the access they need for classes, etc.

 

Ria

Edited May 17, 2009 by Ria

[LibraryLover]

I am not a phone person. Even before email. Email communication is much more efficient, and I think, respectful of time. You can check when you decide and reply carefully. I think phones are jarring and intrusive. You have less control, and even using the answering machine is a pita. Sometimes people talk too

fast, or you can't hear a number etc.

 

My son's high school sends info packers and syllabi via email and it's wonderful. Plus, it saves trees. lol I dont need to talk on the phone at night to his teachers when we can can dash off quick emails and they can reply when convenient. I can't imagine his poor teachers making that many phone calls at the end of a day, either.

 

My older kisd all use email. My little one uses my account if she wants to email her sibs. :)

Edited May 17, 2009 by LibraryLover

[HeatherLynn]

Well, since you asked, lol, I think perhaps you need to become more in step with the times. People communicate electronically these days. It's easier and faster. I would much rather send someone an email than have to call them, especially if I just needed to give them information. For example, your Spanish teacher can write one email and send the study packet electronically to all the students at once, which is much faster than having to call each student.

 

Whether you like it or not, the internet and e-communication is here to stay. You could put a porn filter on your computer and have a family email address, which would allow you to feel more comfortable and give your kids the access they need to classes, etc.

 

Ria

 

I have to agree. Our society is a higly technological one. Although I still believe it important to be proficient with traditional communication means, electronic media is the main medium for these communications now. As parents, I feel it is our job to teach them to use these advances to their advantage.

 

Email today is like pen pals of yesterday.

 

My children (older 3) each have their own email and at a certain age even social networking site. I monitor their accounts and usage and we utilize other benefits of high security to make sure they have "safe" internet usage time.

 

Each child (again, not the 3 year old) has their own cell phone and we have unlimited texting. I would rather text or email than talk most of the time.

 

I want my kids to be in step with the technology of today. I just want them to remain safe while doing so.

[elegantlion]

We're a techno family. We all have our own laptops, cell phones, etc. DS is finally the one getting the hand me downs from my dh.

 

I do agree that this technology is here to stay. E-mail and cell phones are easier tools. We do allow our ds on the internet, however he is still on proving ground to show he is mature enough to obey our rules. He knows and approves that we have the right to check his activities and e-mails at anytime. He's very cautious by nature anyway.

 

We see them as tools, much like money. I want to be the one to train my ds is how to use them without abusing the privilege. Just like training on how to use finances, I want him to learn while he is in our home under our supervision.

 

But it is your house and your rules should apply. I chaperoned a teen church event a few years ago. I was astounded by how many phone calls and texting could happen between three cars that were headed to the same location and on the road for about an hour. It was very eye-opening.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think you have the RIGHT to set limits, including sticking with "archaic" means of communicating for the most part. But as you pick courses and such, there may be some email and such required. Maybe those won't be classes you stick with?

 

As for DS, I would tell HIM that IF people text your cell phone, he'll be paying for it. 10cents (or whatever) isn't that big of a deal, but most kids don't want to pay it.

 

BUT....my kids have been on the internet since they were toddlers. Recently, they each got cell phones. We got unlimited text (though most texting is from family members). After the first month, we added unlimited data also. My kids are very tech saavy and I just don't see that as a bad thing.

 

A little supervision and guidance and all is fine.

[KidsHappen]

We are techno-geeks in this family. Every person has their own computer, email, cell phone, etc. I email my kids info I need them to have. I IM everyone that dinner is ready or it is time to leave for something. They send me items that need to be added to the family shopping list or news articles I might find interesting. My hubby and I chat on IM with he in his office downstairs and me in mine upstairs. Just the other day my 12 tear old was at a friends house and got sick and needed a ride home unfortunately she had to call every person in the house before someone finally answered their phone but she managed to get a hold of one of her sisters who finally told us so we could go get her. For our family is really is so much easier and faster to communicate with all these options especially when the kids are older and all have seperate activities at different times and places. Our family also keeps unconventional hours so we are not neccessarily all awake at the same time so it is a way to make sure that communication takes place. The funny thing is: I hate change and I was the last one on board with it. My 9 year old was born knowing how to do this stuff. :tongue_smilie:

[Crissy]

Is the Spanish teacher sending the emails to you?

If you'd still not like your son to have his own email address, wouldn't you just print the message and hand it to him?

 

In this digital age, when most communication takes place via email and cell phone, choosing not to participate is going to cause some inconvenience for you.

 

I don't think you can have it both ways. You can either protect your teens from whatever you view as the negative side of email and text messages, or you can experience the convenience of allowing your son to manage his own communication needs.

[bettyandbob]

My 14 yob is in public high school. All assignments are posted on the school's website. Worksheets, if assigned, are sent as webdocuments--no losing a homework sheet again. If my ds has questions he is to email the teachers directly and he does. To do group projects his classmates often communicate through FB, so if my ds wasn't on FB he wouldn't be able to get work done.

 

My ds has a cell phone. He got the phone a couple of years ago, because he was starting to go to a lot of activities with out me and we felt it was a good safety device for him to have when he was one his own. I've never heard him talk on it, except to me. He texts. He recieves texts. He isn't glued to it (like annoying people who text in innappropriate situations). Where you and I might call someone, people in his generation text. The text to arrange rides to practice, find out who is bringing supplies to a meeting, just about anything you might make a call about. If ds was texting at the dinner table or when people were talking to him, he would lose texting ability--he doesn't know this, because I've never had to consider doing that.

 

My ds is shy and socially awkard. Many people say computer use makes people antisocial. However, my ds socializes more than he would if norms for his generation did not use FB, email, and texting. I know this because I had similar shyness and social issues (not as extreme as his), and I did not socialize. It was also harder to communicate with teachers, because they did not always have time at the moment you thought of your questions and you were at school face-to-face. Now, you can whip off a question whenever it comes to mind and my ds's teachers always respond quickly.

 

I think you are a little out of step. However, if it is working for your family's needs then don't change it. If you find your dc are having trouble keeping with what's going on in their outside classes or activities, you may need to rethink electronics use in your family, because the reliance on electronic communication will only get bigger.

[Erin's Mom]

My daughter has been on the internet for five years now and even though she will be 17 soon I still can check her emails, her facebook, any gaming she does etc. For us it has given us the opporitunity to teach her the importance of time and to use it constuctively. I am sure we all know how much we struggle ourselves with wasting our time on the internet and we have used it as a teaching tool and I can say that most times she uses her time wisely.

:001_smile:

[JudoMom]

My boys have their own shared laptop. They have their own email addresses (although only the older 3 use them). They communicate mostly with their grandparents (who live in different states) and they enjoy sending dh & me emails now and then. At their ages (9 & under), I wouldn't let them join email loops or message boards, but at 12/13+ I would consider it (with time limits). I don't see the harm in monitored use of these things, since they are a part of our world now.

 

We don't do cell phones, though. I just got my first one a year ago and it's a pay as you go phone for emergencies. I can still barely answer the darn thing when it rings.

[fivetails]

My 14 yob is in public high school. All assignments are posted on the school's website. Worksheets, if assigned, are sent as webdocuments--no losing a homework sheet again. If my ds has questions he is to email the teachers directly and he does. To do group projects his classmates often communicate through FB, so if my ds wasn't on FB he wouldn't be able to get work done.

 

...where does that leave families who can't afford a home computer & internet service?? :001_huh:

[Murphy101]

I have several issues here... the biggest is maybe money.

If others can afford cell phones and internet for every kid - good for you (sincere, not snarky)

but we simply cannot, and it is thoroughly impractical for all of us to use 2 computers like that.

 

I am not technologicly backwards (dh is an e-learning programmer and I am not uncapable with programming myself), so this is not an aversion to technology issue. I know it's not going to go away. I don't even want it to go away.

 

The spanish thing is annoying b/c one of the big things I liked about the program is that it was billed saying we wouldn't need a text . Well not really true since the teacher is sending me entire chapters of a text for study via email.:glare: We do not have the time to sit at the computer reading a dadblum text. If I'd known in advance, I would have preferred to just buy the book and hand it to him to study with where ever. This is also only to my son, it's one on one tutoring.

 

The friends things... I understand that it's easier to send group planning info for example via email. But for conversation stuff? No, it's not easier to text or email someone than to actually TALK to them on the phone.

 

I'm wondering what people who cannot afford internet, much less individual computers or cell phones or cell phones with internet access and high plans are expected to do? These are huge expenses imo. We have internet, but only recently high speed (and dial up was so slow that I didn't do a lot onthe computer for lack of time waiting around for it to load). Dh and I both have cell phones right now, but we'll be going down to a basic plan on only one (his) when his lay off at work is complete next month.

 

I'd have serious issues with a teacher telling my kid he had to have a facebook account to manage her class.

 

My son can use technology just fine. But it seems to be reaching a point where technology is making demands of us and that is something I'm not happy with.

 

I'm really annoyed by the expectation that a 14 yr old should be constantly checking email and facebook and of course is available for texting on his cell phone.

 

I don't like it towards me either. I do not have voicemail or an answering machine. I do have caller ID. I have a cell phone, but I've turned off the texting feature, if someone sends it - I never get it. and unless my dh is out of the house or a kid is gone somewhere without us, my cell phone is turned off.

 

I have actually had people think they have the right to chew me out to various degrees over this. Excuse me? These things are tools (as someone else noted) and I am under no obligation to be at the anyone's beck and call.

 

So, I guess I'm just starting to see that same expectation of my son and I am so not cool with it.

 

Obviously.:tongue_smilie:

[HeatherLynn]

 

I have actually had people think they have the right to chew me out to various degrees over this. Excuse me? These things are tools (as someone else noted) and I am under no obligation to be at the anyone's beck and call.

 

So, I guess I'm just starting to see that same expectation of my son and I am so not cool with it.

 

Obviously.:tongue_smilie:

 

And that is your right. As long as you are happy with it that way, then good for you. No one needs to make those decisions for anyone else.

 

For us, I am afraid we would not function well without these thigns. The expense is one we refuse to do without. We will make other consessions first. I recently backed our phone plans down as far as I could and still get all the things we need, and our bill dropped from $285/month to $160/month (5 lines, 900 anytime minutes, unlimited texting and data). We do not have a home line (cut that expense) and the kids are not allowed to talk to anyone but other AT&T unless it is night/weekend (free minutes) So, they text instead. Like someone else said, we are a VERY techie family though. High speed internet is a must for us also, as I take my college course online. We have 5 computers in our home. 1 desk top and 4 laptops.

 

Also, I find email and text so much easier for short conversations. It allows you to be short and to the point, and also gives the other person time to respond when it is conveineint for them. I cannot stand someone calling me over and over. Text me or send an email. Obviously I cannot or do not want to talk sometimes, but that does not mean I do not want to conversate...I can text while I read a book or play with my toddler. A phone call stops those thigngs.

Edited May 17, 2009 by HeatherLynn
typo

[joannqn]

At about 12 or 13 they are typing and sending some homeschool stuff in, Spanish online, some ACT/SAT prep sites are visited... that's about it.... His spanish instructor has been sending him emailed study lessons each day.

 

 

I'm really confused about this one. It sounds like you have signed your son up for an online class but are annoyed that the teacher uses online communication for lessons? Perhaps traditional face-to-face classes or tutors would work better for you. While these still might utilize email/internet, it may be easier to find a teacher willing to provide the assignments in person, if that is what you require. It just isn't reasonable to expect an online class not to use the internet and email to communicate.

 

My husband came up with an analogy: Your grandparents may have thought the same thing about the telephone when it first become popular. Perhaps, they were annoyed that people expected them to have a telephone rather than just write letter. Sure a letter was slower and less efficient way to communicate but it is what they were used to, and they didn't like these newfangled contraptions. Would you, in this day and age, expect your grandparents to get a phone so you could communicate with them when needed or would you be happy with letters being the sole communication?

 

It really is up to you to decide if you will allow him to communicate with teachers, groups, friends via technology. You'll just have to realize that the consequences may be that he can't take classes, be involved in groups that use email to communicate scheduling issues, or hold onto more than a couple of friends who are willing to follow your communication rules. In addition to that, you may not get information that you need like changes to the schedule or other changes.

 

Imagine the time and work involved in getting ready for the semi-finals of a sports game 30-45 minutes away for example. Perhaps you have to get the uniform ready, bring inclement weather clothing, gather all the gear, pack the family a lunch, and load all the kids in the car. You drive all the way there only to find out that you are alone on the field because the location was moved to a field 15 minutes away due to things beyond the league's control...only your son didn't get the email/text message with the information...but they did call and leave you a voice mail. What you may never find out is that they accidentally hit the 3 instead of the 6 in your phone number and left the message on someone else's voice mail. Your son's team won, but because he wasn't at the game, he is ineligible to play in the championship game per the team's rules. (You can't prove that you didn't get the message that they know they left.)

 

There are so many benefits to using technology, for both the sender and the receiver, that you are really hurting yourself by not allowing it to be used.

[bettyandbob]

...where does that leave families who can't afford a home computer & internet service?? :001_huh:

 

The library at the school has computers the kids use after school, I think it stays open for about 3-4 hours after school lets out. One of the school buses also has a route that goes near the public library. So, internet access is available to the students. Those without internet access at home will have to plan their after school time carefully to make use of the school's computers and the public library.

[joannqn]

I have several issues here... the biggest is maybe money. If others can afford cell phones and internet for every kid - good for you (sincere, not snarky) but we simply cannot, and it is thoroughly impractical for all of us to use 2 computers like that.

 

It doesn't have to be all that expensive. Our land line costs $199 for 18 months. That works about to about $11 a month, and it includes unlimited long distance, voice mail, caller id, three way calling, and everything else. Our high speed (cable) internet cost $45 a month. Our cell phone plan is more expensive than we'd normal choose to pay because my husband needs a business plan that provides significant minutes (it's the business' only phone line), unlimited texting, and unlimited data. It also provides a second line which I use. For all of that, we pay about $100, which is a business expense.

 

My husband has his own computer since he's on it constantly for work. I have a laptop and my kids (all three of them) share my old desktop. Both my 9 and 7 year old use the internet for playing, researching things they are interested in, typing writing assignments, email, and social media (a homeschoolers site). My 2 year old uses it to play at SesameStreet.com and to play a CD ROM game.

 

The spanish thing is annoying b/c one of the big things I liked about the program is that it was billed saying we wouldn't need a text . Well not really true since the teacher is sending me entire chapters of a text for study via email.:glare: We do not have the time to sit at the computer reading a dadblum text. If I'd known in advance, I would have preferred to just buy the book and hand it to him to study with where ever. This is also only to my son, it's one on one tutoring.

 

By saying that you didn't need a text, they were referring to the need to go out and buy an expensive textbook. My guess is that the teacher tutors more kids than you can guess. I think, that if you have a problem with online communication, you would be happier avoiding all internet-based classes.

 

The friends things... I understand that it's easier to send group planning info for example via email. But for conversation stuff? No, it's not easier to text or email someone than to actually TALK to them on the phone.

 

Have you ever had to call someone 2,3,4,5,6 times to get a hold of them? I have. I'd rather email once than to keep trying to catch someone at home or play phone tag. I talk to my friends via face-to-face, phone, and email depending on what is needed. Often, our conversations will include "Can you email me that?" so either we don't forget something or get additional information from them.

 

I'm wondering what people who cannot afford internet, much less individual computers or cell phones or cell phones with internet access and high plans are expected to do?

 

Honestly, they miss out on alot. I know one person without a computer. She's part of a group that we both belong to. She participates in only certain aspects of the group and misses out on the rest. Another person I know (same group) lives in an old motor home; he uses the library to access internet and email rather than miss out like the first person chooses to do.

 

I'd have serious issues with a teacher telling my kid he had to have a facebook account to manage her class.

 

In that case, you would simply choose to forgo that class and find a different one.

 

I don't like it towards me either. I do not have voicemail or an answering machine. I do have caller ID. I have a cell phone, but I've turned off the texting feature, if someone sends it - I never get it. and unless my dh is out of the house or a kid is gone somewhere without us, my cell phone is turned off.

 

What I hear you saying is that if you are not home or are unwilling to answer the phone, there is no way to get a hold of you. It sounds like you expect the other person to continue calling you until they are able to reach you even if it means they have to spend the whole day calling you every so often until they finally reach you. Personally, if I were the other person, I'd call one time. If you didn't answer, oh well, you're out of luck and simply won't get that information that you really needed.

[tricia]

Our children don't get online either. Unless it is to read their literature off of Old Fashioned Education or something. They don't have emails either. My 11 year old twin girls do have their own blog but I sit here with them when they post on it. They have never been online without me. Otherwise that's it. We normally stayed logged off and none of them know the password. The only reason they keep a blog is for their 40 some cousins who live throughout the US and this way they stay in touch. Here is their blog addy if you're interested in a quick look.

 

emma and kaydee

[Murphy101]

the course is supposed to be all included in the actually one on one lessons, thus there shouldn't be a need to email me an entire textbook between classes (which are twice a week)

 

so I have no issue with the teacher sending an email, I have an issue with being sent entire books!

 

and I don't mind getting schedules or directions and such things either.

 

I'm not talking the major "work" type stuff.

 

I'm talking about talking. About actually human interaction and conversation. If so and so wants to know what my son thinks of a certain band or have a talk about something - then call or come over or wait until they see him next. I don't want a dozen calls or a dozen emails or a dozen texts about it.

 

As for the school situation - no they will not suddenly decide to plan their entire life around being at school or the library an additional 3 or 4 hours a night b/c they can't afford internet/computers. They'll simply fail their courses. Do you really think that a family that can't afford computers/internet has the time to sit around the library after school every day?:001_huh:

[bettyandbob]

for the record, my ds's teachers have not said he must use facebook. Each of my ds's classes have had one group project this year. Most of the kids are on FB and use it for communication. I don't have a problem with my ds being on FB and since everyone in the groups he was in was using it, FB facilitated the communication for the projects. If my son had not been able to use FB he would have been out of the loop for some of these projects. I suppose if I were again FB, he would have found another way to keep up with group projects. When you are working with a group, you tend to go with the communication which easiest for the group. The teachers do not dictate how the groups communicate with eachother.

 

Like I said before you are free to make the choice to not allow access to electronic communication. As your children proceed through high school you will have to make decisions about classes and activities so that your choices do not impede their progress in the classes. Since electronic communication is becoming standard, you will have to ask questions of teachers and class organizers before you sign on.

Edited May 17, 2009 by betty

[Kelli in TN]

Two issues, first the idea of using the internet/email as a means of communication:

 

I choose to use email and such to communicate rather than the telephone. I find the telephone ringing to be an intrusion into my life. The telephone screams "Right NOW, drop what you are doing RIGHT NOW and attend to this" whereas a text message, facebook message, email, or even message board message says "Hey, when you have a minute that won't take from your family, come read this and respond to it. Take your time, your time is valuable"

 

Usually my phone is off.

 

The second has to do with your child's access to the internet:

 

I think if school needs dictate the use of the internet and email you should probably allow it, in my opinion. If the Spanish teacher prefers to communicate via email then I think the members of the class need to accept that and do it his/her way. No matter how you feel about the internet for recreational use, it is a bit much to expect teachers and other adults providing a service to use your preferred method of communication.

[Murphy101]

It doesn't have to be all that expensive. Our land line costs $199 for 18 months. That works about to about $11 a month, and it includes unlimited long distance, voice mail, caller id, three way calling, and everything else. Our high speed (cable) internet cost $45 a month. Our cell phone plan is more expensive than we'd normal choose to pay because my husband needs a business plan that provides significant minutes (it's the business' only phone line), unlimited texting, and unlimited data. It also provides a second line which I use. For all of that, we pay about $100, which is a business expense.

 

My husband has his own computer since he's on it constantly for work. I have a laptop and my kids (all three of them) share my old desktop. Both my 9 and 7 year old use the internet for playing, researching things they are interested in, typing writing assignments, email, and social media (a homeschoolers site). My 2 year old uses it to play at SesameStreet.com and to play a CD ROM game.

 

we pay $140 a month for our current cell phone plan, which is not unlimited anything for our 2 phones and the best deal we could get (we did shop around for several months prior to getting it)

 

our land line includes DSL internet for $36 a month, caller id and all that other stuff (I never activivated the voice mail)

 

we have the desk top in the school room and the laptop. In June the laptop will become dh's business laptop (he'll have to turn in his current company laptop when his layoff hits in June)

 

your example of the kids online sounds like a LOT of time in front of a computer IMVHO. there's no way all of my kids could do all of that every day in front of one computer.

 

Have you ever had to call someone 2,3,4,5,6 times to get a hold of them? I have. I'd rather email once than to keep trying to catch someone at home or play phone tag. I talk to my friends via face-to-face, phone, and email depending on what is needed. Often, our conversations will include "Can you email me that?" so either we don't forget something or get additional information from them.

 

hmm. Was it really all that important and urgent? If it's not, then I don't bother calling them more than once. If it is, then it's too urgent for email. for example, I wouldn't email that someone had died or was in a wreck or anything of genuine emergency status.

 

This also presumes that they are checking their email frequently enough for them to get the info faster than if you called back. What if you knew they were someone that didn't check their email every morning? Or even every day?

 

 

Honestly, they miss out on alot. I know one person without a computer. She's part of a group that we both belong to. She participates in only certain aspects of the group and misses out on the rest. Another person I know (same group) lives in an old motor home; he uses the library to access internet and email rather than miss out like the first person chooses to do.

 

hmm. true. maybe they don't care about what they are missing and the other does?

 

In that case, you would simply choose to forgo that class and find a different one.

 

presumming that the highschool kid has the option to not take it and that the course description is clear about this aspect of the course.

 

What I hear you saying is that if you are not home or are unwilling to answer the phone, there is no way to get a hold of you. It sounds like you expect the other person to continue calling you until they are able to reach you even if it means they have to spend the whole day calling you every so often until they finally reach you. Personally, if I were the other person, I'd call one time. If you didn't answer, oh well, you're out of luck and simply won't get that information that you really needed.

 

:confused:I don't expect anyone to repeatedly call me about anything. Come now, once in a while it might be information truely imperative in some way, but the majority of the time it is completely is not important that I be "on call" or to respond.

 

As for if I'm not home or answering my phone - hello maybe I'm actually busy with the people I am spending my time with?:001_huh:

 

This is the other aspect that annoys me. I'm visiting, or at a group event or whatever. And someone is constantly checking their phone for messages and updates. It's RUDE. It's no different than talking to someone and in the middle of conversation abruptling walking off to talk to someone else.

 

Again, not talking work needs or emergencies here.

 

Last time this happened the person had received a facebook update (soandso just got a new dog!) and the person we were talking too stuppoed our conversation to read it, then comment on it, and send a text to someone else.:glare:

[Ria]

I have several issues here... the biggest is maybe money.

If others can afford cell phones and internet for every kid - good for you (sincere, not snarky)

but we simply cannot, and it is thoroughly impractical for all of us to use 2 computers like that.

 

So you have two computers, and no one gets to use them? How impractical is that? I rather doubt that allowing your children access to the existing computers would cause mass pandemonium in your home, nor is it going to cost you any more than what you are already paying. For years eight of us shared two computers. It wasn't hard at all. I simply don't understand your line of thinking in this regard.

 

As for the cell phones, we require all our kids who drive or work to have a cell phone, and it's not as expensive as you might think (only $10 per month per extra line, and the kids pay for it with some of their earnings). I consider the cell phones in my children's hands to be pieces of safety equipment, and I won't sacrifice that.

 

As the others said, Martha, you are certainly free to do whatever works for your family, but to complain about others expecting your family to have and use the current technology seems a little petty. You've made a choice, and with that choice will come nothing but ongoing issues for you and your children. You'd just best get used to dealing with it.

 

 

Ria

Edited May 17, 2009 by Ria

[elegantlion]

the course is supposed to be all included in the actually one on one lessons, thus there shouldn't be a need to email me an entire textbook between classes (which are twice a week)

 

so I have no issue with the teacher sending an email, I have an issue with being sent entire books!

 

and I don't mind getting schedules or directions and such things either.

 

I'm not talking the major "work" type stuff.

 

 

I do agree about the e-mailing of texts. That should have been disclosed beforehand. As much as I like my computer I don't like to read on it. The other concern I would have is she using a real "text" which might violate copyright laws to e-mail around to others?

 

My parents operate just fine without a cell phone or answering machine. They've only had internet for the last two years.

[newbie]

I just read the OP and can understand not wanting to email. It was just this last yr. that I allowed my 15 dd to use my email add. for her Newspaper group.

 

Now that has gotten a lil out of control, and I have to monitor her when her work falls behind. I do check for content every once in a while to make sure everything is kosher. She knows all email rules.

 

She does email and IM teachers because she is fulltime on an online school and needs that help and I am happy she receives it.

 

If your preference is phone, let the teachers know and I am sure they will respect your wishes.

[TxMama]

Personally it is easier to monitor a 14yo internet/cell phone usage than an 18yo.:lol:

 

Email/text/etc is going to become a necessary tool in their life. If you let it start now you will have 4 years to monitor/coach/mentor their usage before they hit college age. They will not be able to function in college without email and internet.

 

Cell phones are a safety measure and my kids don't leave home without one. We started out with one extra family cell that was only used when they were somewhere without a parent. Once they started driving/working it became easier for each teen driver to have their own line since they were often in 2 different places. Picture text and texting is a life saver with mobile teens!

 

I have reluctantly embraced texting and now prefer it to phone calls. Since texting doesn't lend itself easily to conversation I can get the information that I need without a long drawn out phone conversation. It is a huge time saver. If I want to chat I call but if I want information I text.

 

Love facebook! I join any social networking site they join. Internet is visible in the main living area. Cell phones text can be reviewed by a parent.

 

My opinion. Embrace it. You may learn to love it!

[Love2Smile]

Well, since you asked, lol, I think perhaps you need to become more in step with the times. People communicate electronically these days. It's easier and faster. I would much rather send someone an email than have to call them, especially if I just needed to give them information. For example, your Spanish teacher can write one email and send the study packet electronically to all the students at once, which is much faster than having to call each student.

 

Whether you like it or not, the internet and e-communication is here to stay. You could put a porn filter on your computer and have a family email address, which would allow you to feel more comfortable and give your kids the access they need for classes, etc.

 

Ria

 

 

I have to agree. My 14 yr old does not have her own email account, so whatever is sent to her gets to me first...she does go to some video game message boards, monitored by me also...'fraid it's the times we a live in'

[joannqn]

we pay $140 a month for our current cell phone plan, which is not unlimited anything for our 2 phones and the best deal we could get (we did shop around for several months prior to getting it)

 

our land line includes DSL internet for $36 a month, caller id and all that other stuff (I never activivated the voice mail)[.quote]

 

That's expensive for a cell phone! I'd do more checking and try multiple reps at each company as some are better than others. The rep my husband used actually talked him out of a more expensive plan because she knew they had a plan that would provide what he needed for less money. T-mobile has family plans with 2 phones and 1,000 shared minutes for $69.95. The unlimited texting and data is another $20 or so. Between the two of us, we usually use about 500 minutes at the most.

 

We could possiblity our internet cheaper but my husband's work requires more speed and reliability than DSL in this area provides. Our cable is about double the speed of typical DSL for about the same cost as local DSL plans.

 

we have the desk top in the school room and the laptop. In June the laptop will become dh's business laptop (he'll have to turn in his current company laptop when his layoff hits in June)

 

I understand layoffs make things difficult. My husband is currently only making about half of what we need.

 

your example of the kids online sounds like a LOT of time in front of a computer IMVHO. there's no way all of my kids could do all of that every day in front of one computer.

 

Each child has a timer and they get 90 minutes of free time to spend either on the computer or on the Wii. They choose what they want to do with that free time. On occasion, I'll let them have more time for something specific. School work doesn't count against that. School work consists of emailing our virtual academy teacher once a week, spelling (we use a spelling program), and typing up writing assignments. Next year, they'll add foreign language (one wants Korean and the other wants Spanish) to their online school work.

 

hmm. Was it really all that important and urgent? If it's not, then I don't bother calling them more than once. If it is, then it's too urgent for email. for example, I wouldn't email that someone had died or was in a wreck or anything of genuine emergency status.

 

This also presumes that they are checking their email frequently enough for them to get the info faster than if you called back. What if you knew they were someone that didn't check their email every morning? Or even every day?

 

If it is a true emergency, I'll try to reach them at home first, then cell.

 

I personally try to remember who checks their email often and who doesn't. Those who do, I'll email. Those who don't, I'll call. Those who neither check their email or return voice mail, I'll give up on because it is just too much trouble to keep in touch with them. I move on to someone else who wants to keep in touch better.

 

hmm. true. maybe they don't care about what they are missing and the other does?

 

I don't know. It's a group that does retreats together twice a year. In between retreats, there is a phone list, emails, a msn social group, a summer picnic, and planning meetings for the retreat. We send out the registration for the retreats via USPS so she comes to those every time. The rest, she misses out. When we mention email, she whines about not having email. We remind her that her local library has internet access. Beyond that, we ignore the whining and let her decide how much she wants to be involved.

 

:confused:I don't expect anyone to repeatedly call me about anything. Come now, once in a while it might be information truely imperative in some way, but the majority of the time it is completely is not important that I be "on call" or to respond.

 

I'm not on call all the time either but I have ways for them to let me know they are interesting in talking to me about something. If I'm not home, they can leave a message or send me an email so that I know what they needed to tell me or to call them back.

 

As for if I'm not home or answering my phone - hello maybe I'm actually busy with the people I am spending my time with?:001_huh:

 

Not answering the phone is completely acceptable to most people. But by not having a way for them to leave a message, you may also be missing information or an invitation to visit with someone another day. By making it difficult to get a hold of you or leave a message/email, you may be sending the message that they are not important to you. If you make it hard to be your friend, you will lose opportunities for friendship.

 

This is the other aspect that annoys me. I'm visiting, or at a group event or whatever. And someone is constantly checking their phone for messages and updates. It's RUDE. It's no different than talking to someone and in the middle of conversation abruptling walking off to talk to someone else.

 

I agree. I find that annoying too. I HAD a friend who'd take and make calls constantly when I was visiting. She also made it difficult to get a hold of her by not responding to emails or voice mails in a timely matter. I've chosen to move on rather than invest in this relationship. I'll excuse the telephone answering if it happens only occasionally, is their spouse or child, or an emergency. People who are conscientious about it will say, "I'm sorry. I need to take this call," and then get off quickly.

 

Again, I really think it is up to you to decide what you will do but you have to be willing to accept the consequences of your decision too. My friends know that I don't have text messaging and are willing to leave me a voice message or send an email instead, which I will respond to as soon as I can...usually the same day or the next day at the latest. I also realize that if I don't check and respond to my email or phone messages in a timely manner, people may decide I'm not worth trying to contact. If I'm not interested in that person, I'll not bother with a response. But if I do want to have a relationship with that person (be it friend or for a class), I'll show them the respect of a timely response.

[joannqn]

I have reluctantly embraced texting and now prefer it to phone calls. Since texting doesn't lend itself easily to conversation I can get the information that I need without a long drawn out phone conversation. It is a huge time saver. If I want to chat I call but if I want information I text.

 

True. I've found a quick call to relay information can quickly turn into half an hour or more on the phone.

 

I haven't embraced texting yet. If I had a phone with a decent keyboard and texting plan, I'd probably only text my husband anyway. He's about the only person I call on my cell.

[Renee in NC]

we pay $140 a month for our current cell phone plan, which is not unlimited anything for our 2 phones and the best deal we could get (we did shop around for several months prior to getting it)

 

our land line includes DSL internet for $36 a month, caller id and all that other stuff (I never activivated the voice mail)

 

 

We have a Nationwide Alltel plan with 5 phones, 10 My Circle Numbers, free Mobile to Mobile for Alltel and Verizon users, and 900 anytime minutes for $130 per month. We share these phones with my Dad and he pays half the bill, so our monthly cost is $65. If we weren't sharing, we would pay about $105 for 3 phones. We recently got Road Runner for $40 a month.

 

We don't have a landline.

 

When we didn't have internet, it was inconvenient, but necessary at the time. It was especially inconvenient for my 15yo who needed to use it for school. He communicates with his teachers, turns in homework, and completes group projects online. He plays around on the internet alot, too.;)

 

I have told my 11yo that he can have his own email at 13. He is probably going to take FL Virtual School classes next year, so he'll be online for that.

Edited May 18, 2009 by Renee in FL

[Peela]

I have often wondered how people who dislike modern technology handle the way it has evolved so that our lives have become dependent on it. I think you need to accept that this is the way it is, and then you wont be upset about it, because it's not going to change for you. And then work out how to live with it so it only minimally impacts on your life.

 

So far, I have managed to live quite well without a mobile phone. Actually, I do have one for emergencies but I dont hand out my number and I dont leave it on.

I also don't like to use the telephone much any more.

However, I use email daily and I find it a useful means of communication.

 

I am sure people felt like the OP when telephones first came out. I personally don't find email anywhere near as intrusive as the telephone.

 

My kids are in Scouts and the kids who don't check their email are a pain in the butt because that is how we keep in touch with Scouts. Since the majority of us check our email, it makes sense to communicate that way, as it is quick and easy. If someone actually doesn't have a computer, we will accomodate them. But if they have a computer and dont check their email, it is just annoying.

[Danestress]

That there is no reason that a kid *have* to be on facebook or have texting. Mine didn't at 14, and I can't see a reason any kid really needs that, though they may want it.

 

I also don't think a 14 year old needs to "constantly" check his mail. However, I think you could maybe give him a certain time a day to work on your computer in order to get this class finished. If he checked his (which really could be your) email twice a day and spend the time he needed to to read the assignments, would that work? Just because he has this doesn't mean your other kids would have to if they don't take the same class.

 

 

I am one who hates the phone (including - especially - cell phones). But I LOVE LOVE LOVE email because people can leave a message for me and I get to it when I get to it. It can be much longer and more specific than what they can leave on a telephone, and I don't have to hear their voices. Voices annoy me:)

[fivetails]

My 14 yob is in public high school. All assignments are posted on the school's website. Worksheets, if assigned, are sent as webdocuments--no losing a homework sheet again. If my ds has questions he is to email the teachers directly and he does. To do group projects his classmates often communicate through FB, so if my ds wasn't on FB he wouldn't be able to get work done.

 

...where does that leave families who can't afford a home computer & internet service?? :001_huh:

 

The library at the school has computers the kids use after school, I think it stays open for about 3-4 hours after school lets out. One of the school buses also has a route that goes near the public library. So, internet access is available to the students. Those without internet access at home will have to plan their after school time carefully to make use of the school's computers and the public library.

 

I would find that unacceptable.

 

So - the kids from low income families (the ones who can't afford to have & maintain a home computer with internet service) have to spend all this extra time finding ways to access a computer -- to get their assignments, worksheets, class project info, etc...?

 

We're not talking about a research paper or something - that, I would see as different.. after all, you'd go to the library for the books anyway. This sounds like normal daily stuff - assignments, worksheets, etc. Stuff that can be written on the dang chalkboard or told to the students or handed out in 45 seconds.

 

Doesn't sit right with me at all. The school is putting those kids at a huge disadvantage by requiring that they fetch their assignments & worksheets & stuff via email. Yeesh, if they're gonna require daily internet access, they might as well stick "home computer" on the school supply list. :glare:

[Renee in NC]

I think it would be worse to *not* make computer usage necessary and have low income kids be at a HUGE disadvantage when they graduate and go to college or get a job. Most colleges require laptops for all freshman. Most jobs require people to have computer skills. The computer skills learned from regular, daily use cannot be gained from a class in computer usage.

 

This is the world we live in. When we didn't have internet (for money reasons), we had to accomodate the rest of the world, not expect the rest of the world to accomodate us. It is unfortunate for those who can't afford a computer or can't get to the library to use one. I don't think that reverting to the past is the answer, though.

[Ria]

I would find that unacceptable.

 

So - the kids from low income families (the ones who can't afford to have & maintain a home computer with internet service) have to spend all this extra time finding ways to access a computer -- to get their assignments, worksheets, class project info, etc...?

 

Not here. Our schools offer study halls; kids who do not have home computers are free to spend their study hall using the school computers (there are lots of them in both the middle school and the high school).

 

As another poster pointed out, colleges expect students to be computer-literate and technologically savvy. Students who do not become proficient with computers prior to college are at a huge disadvantage.

 

Ria

[TraceyS/FL]

I would find that unacceptable.

 

So - the kids from low income families (the ones who can't afford to have & maintain a home computer with internet service) have to spend all this extra time finding ways to access a computer -- to get their assignments, worksheets, class project info, etc...?

 

We're not talking about a research paper or something - that, I would see as different.. after all, you'd go to the library for the books anyway. This sounds like normal daily stuff - assignments, worksheets, etc. Stuff that can be written on the dang chalkboard or told to the students or handed out in 45 seconds.

 

Doesn't sit right with me at all. The school is putting those kids at a huge disadvantage by requiring that they fetch their assignments & worksheets & stuff via email. Yeesh, if they're gonna require daily internet access, they might as well stick "home computer" on the school supply list. :glare:

 

This would be a problem in our area as well i'm guessing. It's a HUGE spread out area that feeds into 1 school (3 towns plus rural areas) and there is no way that every child would have the ability to ride the bus AND make it to the library.

 

I think it's great - but i can see the side of it that is a problem.

 

Heck, i can't see my STBXH paying for internet service at all, so should my kids be forced to go to public school how would they get anything? And DD would need it because there is no way he could help her with her homework. He already can't help her with her math at the pre-algebra level....

 

Anyway, to the OP - my kids don't do email or text right now either. They do have controlled access to the computer - the oldest actually has the most controls because of some issues that popped up last year. She's still working on earning our/my trust back.

Edited May 18, 2009 by TraceyS/FL
gee, really, i CAN spell... sometimes!

[fivetails]

Not here. Our schools offer study halls; kids who do not have home computers are free to spend their study hall using the school computers (there are lots of them in both the middle school and the high school).

 

As another poster pointed out, colleges expect students to be computer-literate and technologically savvy. Students who do not become proficient with computers prior to college are at a huge disadvantage.

 

Ria

 

"Study Hall" - using *that* time to access the school computers, I can get on board with that, no problem. That period is for that kind of thing. Learning computer skills *during* computer class, sure thing.

 

It's the expectation that the lower income kids will have to be staying afterschool or trying to get to a public library downtown or stuff all the time (daily/frequently) that I'm not okay with.

 

It just seems like by decided to deliver the homework/assignments/worksheets/etc solely via email, the assumption is that *everyone* has a computer, when there are many families who don't.

 

And again, I'm talking about daily stuff like was mentioned in the post I initially quoted - not occassional research for a paper/project. Staying afterschool *now and then*, or heading downtown to the library *now and then* is reasonable. Every day or nearly every day? I don't see that as reasonable.

[TraceyS/FL]

Not here. Our schools offer study halls; kids who do not have home computers are free to spend their study hall using the school computers (there are lots of them in both the middle school and the high school).

 

As another poster pointed out, colleges expect students to be computer-literate and technologically savvy. Students who do not become proficient with computers prior to college are at a huge disadvantage.

 

 

The only school i'm familiar with is mine - my best friends son will be a freshman there next year. For him to get a study hall meant giving up a science class. Mom signed him up for science.

 

Like i said in my other post - they do expect them to know it... but i live in an area where i'm guessing there is a huge chunk of kids not having access to one.

 

Then there are people like my DH that just does NOT see that it is important in life to have around (internet access & computers). There are a bunch of people like that... obviously no one on this board! LOL!!

[fivetails]

This would be a problem in our area as well i'm guessing. It's a HUGE spread out area that feeds into 1 school (3 towns plus rural areas) and there is now way that every child would have the ability to ride the bus AND make it to the library.

 

Yup. There are kids attending the high school here who travel over an HOUR by bus to get here. Completely impossible for them to stay afterschool, whether it's to use the school computers or the public library ones downtown. (for which you need to pay - they are not free).

[Perry]

It just seems like by decided to deliver the homework/assignments/worksheets/etc solely via email, the assumption is that *everyone* has a computer, when there are many families who don't.

 

At my dds school, the teachers make all worksheets and assignments available on their class websites. But they also provide hard copies to anyone who asks. I haven't heard of it being a problem for anyone who doesn't have a computer.

[fivetails]

At my dds school, the teachers make all worksheets and assignments available on their class websites. But they also provide hard copies to anyone who asks. I haven't heard of it being a problem for anyone who doesn't have a computer.

 

Very glad to hear that they'll do that. :)

[Caroline]

At my dds school, the teachers make all worksheets and assignments available on their class websites. But they also provide hard copies to anyone who asks. I haven't heard of it being a problem for anyone who doesn't have a computer.

 

I teach at a school with a large low/no income population. This is how we handle things, too. Also, we provide a bus for kids to stay after school 2 days a week. These busses leave 90 minutes after school is over. The routes are condensed, but the busses do go all throughout our extended district. Teachers update blogs once a week with the assignments for the following week.

[wagnfun]

Well, since you asked, lol, I think perhaps you need to become more in step with the times. People communicate electronically these days. It's easier and faster. I would much rather send someone an email than have to call them, especially if I just needed to give them information. For example, your Spanish teacher can write one email and send the study packet electronically to all the students at once, which is much faster than having to call each student.

 

Whether you like it or not, the internet and e-communication is here to stay. You could put a porn filter on your computer and have a family email address, which would allow you to feel more comfortable and give your kids the access they need for classes, etc.

 

Ria

 

:iagree: Not only do I agree but I have an 18 & 13 yr old that are both on the internet, have facebooks, & their own lapbooks. I have the passwords to all accounts & I check my 13 yr olds emais now & then. It has been a GREAT way for my 13 yr old to build on his relationship w/ the youth pastor. They send jokes & light emails back & forth. His co-op science teacher has a message board for the class to get to know each other better; she leads discussions on the class topics & says it the ones active on the message board ironically get better grades.

 

My 13 yr old may very well be taking online classes within a few years & has already taken programming & gamming classes so is very computer savy. I agree whole heartedly that email is the way for a teacher to communicate to a group of students on a regular basis. With text & email, it is VERY VERY rare my teens actually use the phone.

 

Just another $/02 b/c you asked. :001_smile:

[bettyandbob]

What my school district reflects the reality of my geographical area. No one has greater than a 5 mile commute to the high school in my neighborhood. So, staying late is not a big issue for anyone. The high school in my neighborhood has a much higher percentage of low income students than surrounding neighborhoods (35% on free/reduced price lunch). Most of jobs that are not retail in this area require computer literacy. The community college and state universities expect computer literacy. So, low income students would be at a serious disadvantage for jobs as well as higher ed if they were not using computers so much in high school. And yes, if there is a worksheet the teacher will give it to you in class, but for my discorganized student a class handout is something to lose. So, he is better off printing class handouts at home.

 

Obviously, if the school district is in a rural region and kids are commuting long distances computer usage requirements would have to be adjusted. But a school district should reflect the reality the students will be heading toward and job choices for persons who are not computer literate are getting smaller everywhere.

[Murphy101]

Most of jobs that are not retail in this area require computer literacy. The community college and state universities expect computer literacy. So, low income students would be at a serious disadvantage for jobs as well as higher ed if they were not using computers so much in high school

 

okay, now this is a peeve of mine and many other computer nuts types...

and all repeat I'm probably the least tencho phobe you'll ever meet.

 

it. is. not. true.

 

#1 literacy is not based in how much one does something. 1 can do somethng a lot and be a total ignoramous about it. Such as reading a lot - but it's reading Dr. Suess. Or say being on a computer all day - but it's nothing more than data entry.

 

#2 technology is not something one learns and is done. It evolves too fast. I don't care how computer "literate" a 17 yr old is, the technology is obsolete by the time he is 19. There's absoltuely nothing computer based that my 14 yr old son can do to be literate in the technology that he will have when he is 19.

 

#3 it doesn't take a rocket scientist to surf the net or send email. In less than 10 minutes I can and have shown him how to do it.

 

My issue is not with the technology.

 

My issue is with people in the general population (dr office, lady at the parks dept. the library...) presuming I have to let them intrude into our lives with it.

 

Family friends and such know how to get a hold of me. But no, I don't give out my cell phone and email to very many people and I don't think a 14 yr old needs either on a regular basis.

 

There's this sentiment that is becoming prevelant that no person should have or want to have privacy and peace. It's coupled with this sense of empending doom or urgency that simply is not realistic - as in not being available at all times is dangerous in some way. What if there's an emergency? what if they need to get a hold of you for some reason!" Geez. Used to be people had some level of common sense and could get through most issues on their own without the world falling apart for lack of a timely text message.:001_huh::confused:

 

I think the only time my son needs a cell phone is when he is nt with me. then I give him mine to use if he needs pciked up or whatever b/c there's very few payphones these days. He is supposed to not even take it out of his pocket unless it's to talk with us.

 

But I accept that we are going against the tide of a popular vote against my opinion on this...

 

oh well....

 

not the first time.:D

[bettyandbob]

Martha,

 

if I understand correctly your original question had to do with internet use. Email and internet have become a preferred tool by many people and you will be hard pressed to find high school courses that do use this in some form. You will have to ask questions because internet use is so prevalent that many tutors are not going to say specifically that they communicate by email. You will have to make it clear with the instructor. Using technology as a tool to facilitate a class that probably has more than 5 students is very reasonable.

 

As for your issues with cell phones, texting, etc. I see a cell phone as a safety device. It's not just about him being able to call home. People have my cell and my cell is turned on because I'm not home always when my dc are out. So, if my dd is hurt at dance class and I'm at the grocery store I can be reached. If my oldest is watching my youngest and my youngest trips and needs 5 stitches, I can be reached. If plans are changed and I have to pick my ds at a different time, I can reach him. If you've got a safety plan in place that works for you then go with it.

 

My ds does not text in the rude ways you have described here. He would not have use of the phone if he did. I'm happy to say I haven't had lay down rule about what is rude phone use and what is acceptable. However, I know other parents have. It's one of those things where if the issue comes up the parent has to step in and do something about it. Just because other people (adults and teens) are rude does not mean your dc will be. It's all in the way you handle the issue.

 

My oldest is only 14, but I think it's probably easier to monitor his use of technology now and have him learn in my presence how not to let it get in the way of his life. He's learning how use technology as a tool and not let it run his life. I think your objections are to the way some people have allowed technology take over thier lives.

[TraceyS/FL]

okay, now this is a peeve of mine and many other computer nuts types...

and all repeat I'm probably the least tencho phobe you'll ever meet.

 

it. is. not. true.

 

#1 literacy is not based in how much one does something. 1 can do somethng a lot and be a total ignoramous about it. Such as reading a lot - but it's reading Dr. Suess. Or say being on a computer all day - but it's nothing more than data entry.

 

#2 technology is not something one learns and is done. It evolves too fast. I don't care how computer "literate" a 17 yr old is, the technology is obsolete by the time he is 19. There's absoltuely nothing computer based that my 14 yr old son can do to be literate in the technology that he will have when he is 19.

 

#3 it doesn't take a rocket scientist to surf the net or send email. In less than 10 minutes I can and have shown him how to do it.

:iagree:

 

Heck, i worked at a high paying computer job for many years (System administration/management for VMS & NT). I've now been out of that job for close to 9 years. I'm in NO WAY qualified to go back into that field. I'd be laughed out of the HR office.

 

Sadly, though i'm very computer literate - i'm probably only qualified for data entry or retail at the moment. Joy.

 

But hey, i have worked at a high 5 figure paying computer job.

 

ANYWAY..... :tongue_smilie: