many, many hugs. kidney stones suck. i am growing #17 currently. sigh.... what has worked best for me is using lamaze breathing and focal points and drinking like a crazy person. if you can take tylenol, a tylenol/benadryl/aspirin combo can help. (must be careful re aspirin if stone is large and/or sharp due to bleeding, but for me, i can take one a day and be okay with the bleeding). most of what works for me you can't take :( but someone should be helping you with this. do you have primary care physician? they should help. when i am in kidney stone pain, i need other people to call , because i can't really talk or think so well due to the pain. do you have someone who can help you? i was admitted once, and required surgery for a struvite stone. have your helping person ask if this is what you have, because if it is, you need more help than for ht others. there are three main kinds, and different things work for different ones. given family history, they may well be able to make an educated guess about which one you are dealing with. here's a site that may help. http://www.kidneystoners.org/information/myths/ some cystine and uric acid stones can be dissolved (1-3%); most can't: hornblower knows a lot about the uric acid kind of stone (this will help not grow more, but won't help get rid of the one you have) liz, there is some new info that shows a correlation between having this done and hypertension and diabetes later in life. its still a good alternative for some folks, but i have chosen to not do it because of this.... and liz is right, it seems unbelievable that enduring is still the preferred option. part of the issue is that different things work for different stones, and its hard to tell with a first stone which one it might be. and part of it is side effects. and part of it is that our medical system isn't so good with pain management. at all. good luck! ann

maybe this is one of the blessings of the jewish practice of sitting shiva.... it ritualizes the visiting. one of my daughters' friends had a parent die while she was at university. she asked a group of her friends to "sit shiva" with her each night for a week. they came, she talked about her mom, showed pictures, they laughed, cried, talked about their moms. it was beautiful. we aren't jewish, but the friend was. maybe just call three of them and invite them for coffee tomorrow morning. (and if any of them are jewish ask them to sit shiva with you) many hugs, ann

many hugs and prayers. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

coffeemama, we are living in the same house with the same teens. who knew? (the two left at home that you haven't met are 14 and 16). and yes, sobbing over being away seems to be typical. we have hit the point here though where they remember that they will like it once they are on vacation, so i hear them talking to themselves, "oh dd16, get a grip. it will be fun. you know it will be fun." etc, etc. this is a better place than the sobbing without the self knowledge. much better. but i hope the sobbing goes away before they leave home. ;) ann eta: they do much better with a definite plan than with a discussion of what is possible. i think that is because they think they can change the outcome if it isn't presented in a definite way. i am more of a "let's talk about it and decide together" person, so i have had to learn to sound less indefinite. and i have started giving them some choices (staying home alone isn't one of them). for example, we could go camping this weekend or that weekend (much as i did with clothing choices when they were two!).

welcome to the club! ;) i spent years (and years and years) trying to not go on to the next thing. what is finally working for me, at 55 (!), is a modified "going with the flow". so if i am in the bathroom brushing my teeth and think of something, i give myself 30 seconds to finish teeth and then i go and do it. then i do the next thing that comes to mind. i have found circuits work well. so, a few things out of the washing machine get hand carried to the line, a few things come in and get put away, clothes get picked up and carried towards the washing machine, a few more things come out of the machine, etc, etc. i am getting way more done now than i ever have before. (which may be hard for the "one thing at a time" folks, but the thing is to figure out what works for me) fwiw, ann

hi ellie - "many reputable scientists are young earth" is not a factual statement. more than 99% of scientists published in peer reviewed journals are NOT young earth. (and now of course when i need the source, i can't find it. sigh.... this isn't where i found it originally, but it does have the info: http://ncse.com/taking-action/project-steve) in another place it states that there are over 1300 scientists who have signed a statement that this is what they believe. that is significantly less than 1% of scientists, but is a few. http://ncse.com/taking-action/project-steve-faq) i found this statement from the Affiliation of Christian geologists: http://www2.wheaton.edu/ACG/ACGstatementv2_1.pdf and this is a fascinating look at the polls and what they show. http://ncse.com/rncse/30/3/americans-scientific-knowledge-beliefs-human-evolution-year- so its a bit off topic, as the topic is how to respond, but i do think its important that we try to be as factual as we can in walking the walk. blessings, ann

fwiw.... one thing to try is to get a blank journal. on each page, write one good memory of the person. you can deal with difficult memories one of several ways. (1) use the back page to write down just a few words of each difficult memory, so the next time you remember it, you can say, "oh, that's already listed" and move on. it acknowledges the issue without dwelling on it. (2) you can push it down and ignore it. as a temporary coping mechanism it can work (eg. to get you thru a funeral or a reunion or....), but its not a great choice for long term emotional health. all those things you've pushed down have the unfortunate habit of appearing, sometimes explosively, at the most unfortunate times. (3) you can go fully into the memory and try to figure out what you learned from it (this only works for some kinds of memories; for other kinds, like abuse, it can be disastrous). if it turns out that there are a few on that back page that keep coming to mind, at some time in the future you can try working on one or more of them. so for those that won't go away, try writing five things: 1) what happened. in one sentence, using only factual language. (eg. aunt mary slapped me in the face twice at the family birthday party. this is what you are going for. aunt mary had a hissy fit, completely lost control and angrily bashed me in the face twice. this is not what you are going for.) 2) how i felt. single words.... emotions.... anger, shame, embarrassment, etc, etc 3) why i think it happened. simple sentences. no emotional language. if emotional language comes up, go back and add those emotions to number two. for some folks its also helpful to write out why you think you felt some of those emotions. 4) what you need (i'm guessing to grieve and come to a better place with it?) 5) what you are going to do about it. (in this case, journalling, and perhaps a ritual... something like burning the event and "letting it go". or symbolically turning lemons into lemonade. (eg. if someone said the mark after the slap looked like a tomato, plant tomatoes, make a tomato salad, etc. if it looked like strawberries, make strawberries covered in chocolate and enjoy them. this is an attempt to imprint a positive association over many difficult associations before it) hth, (complicated grief sucks). ann ps. i use books, especially children's books, with people of all ages to help recognize some of the emotions. the books on my bookshelf to help our own family with grieving include: http://www.amazon.com/Winter-Grief-Summer-Willowgreen-Series/dp/0806628332/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409929143&sr=8-1&keywords=winter+grief http://www.amazon.com/The-Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story/dp/0943432898/ref=pd_sim_b_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=1GFJS426Y0798YC31ANX http://www.amazon.com/Badgers-Parting-Gifts-Susan-Varley/dp/0688115187/ref=pd_sim_b_4?ie=UTF8&refRID=1GFJS426Y0798YC31ANX (i like this one because badger gets quite grumpy in his end days, and it shows his friends coping with that as well as coping with grieving) http://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409929387&sr=1-9&keywords=children%27s+grief+books http://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Grandparent-Dies-Elf-Help/dp/0870293648/ref=pd_sim_b_11?ie=UTF8&refRID=1GW9GAKJVBGFM3SFDXQZ http://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Parent-Dies-Self/dp/0870294199/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409929536&sr=1-9&keywords=elf+help+death http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Therapy-Elf-Self-Help/dp/0870292676/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409929536&sr=1-6&keywords=elf+help+death

the last time we moved, i hired a moving company, and they drove it all across the border, cleared it thru customs, etc, as part of their service. it was not inexpensive. fwiw, i would just start calling and asking people. if you get the right person, an airline rep can tell you the least expensive way to do it via plane. moving companies can tell you from their end. and google is my friend ;) but it may well make sense for them to pay baggage fees rather than shipping fees. also worth checking is whether a first class ticket with extra luggage entitlement is cheaper than a cheap ticket with only one bag included. we have duffles that are precisely the size limit to reduce cost for us. hth, ann

:bigear:

i think that sounds great! i might also clean the inside of his car, and fill it with balloons (say, 50?) and tie a huge bow on it. something that made a thoughtful gift more visual and "giftie". for dh's 50th, i invited his two closest friends to go hiking with us. dh is super introverted and loves to hike. it was a win. i might also try to do something like "50 things i love about you." i'd start on page one with the way we met and one of the things i noticed about him that very day. and so on thru the years. have fun! ann

hi greta et al - i just wanted to ease your mind re PA homeschoolers; i'm just off the phone with susan richmann. hopefully, she will email parents briefly tonight and then with details tomorrow, but it looks as if everyone will have a class spot. (she asked me to post so i started a separate thread just for that). its just before 7pm here, and both my younger dds once again have english classes. blessings, ann

Sadly, Ms. Emily is unable to continue teaching this year. Many of us came back after the holiday weekend to no online access, and at least here, there was some panic. ;) I am just off the phone with Susan Richman of PA Homeschoolers AP classes, who asked me to let folks know that every one of Emily's students will have a class spot with another teacher if they wish. They are working very, very hard to come up with ways for students to have a good AP english experience. They have one teacher who can take about a dozen of the students, and then the other teachers have each said they will take a few. It is amazing how everyone is stepping up to the plate. Those teachers with already full classes will have teaching assistants to do marking and interact with the new additions. its a sad thing for many of us, as the teens were bonding well with ms. emily and she had a great course outline, but i am heartened by how many hard working people are coming together to make sure the students don't miss out! susan said she hoped to have a brief email out later tonight, and then more details tomorrow. hth, ann

thanks greta; that's what we will do. now to figure out AP English.... ann

i am looking at the kolbe website and trying to see how to order the syllabus. help. ann

we are one of the families affected by this. both dds were taking classes with ms. emily. we can only imagine something catastrophic has happened, and are deeply worried. debra bell sent an email saying it was due to family reasons. meanwhile, we are scrambling for a middle school and an AP English. suggestions? we haven't heard a word from pennsylvania homeschoolers yet. does anyone know what they are planning? sadly, ann

if you're not completely wedded to the physical science idea, for our youngest two we have used grade 9 science as an intro to online classes. i posted about sheri jackson's classes in the thread on .5 science credit. if you are still looking, it might be worth a peak. hth, ann

we live in an area where people are rude, and inappropriate, and out for themselves more than any other place i've lived. we don't go a day without several unbelievable interactions. if its dangerous/life threatening, i make myself speak up and/or parent. eg. unattended toddler while mom uses atm wanders out into traffic.... i parent the toddler and then grandparent the parent. sometimes that sounds like "here, let me hold him for you". other times it sounds like "he almost got killed. maybe you should use the atm inside next time so he can't get into traffic." and i honk at folks texting and driving each and every time. if it isn't dangerous or life threatening, then i try different things. sometime i think "okay, time to practice reflective listening"... so i say something like "wow you sound pretty upset about x,y,z" and then wait. other times, like others have said, i try to pleasantly share info (the line ends back there, we're all waiting for the store to open) or come alongside "you know, i've often wondered if those buttons actually work, or if they just put them there to make us feel better") but then there are those other days, like sunday, when a woman cut me off in the costco line, then asked which line i was in, when i said this one, she then proclaimed she was there first, while madly waving for her son to bring their cart over. it was not my finest hour. i simply said "life's too short. if you need it that badly, by all means go first." and then i walked away to another line. her problem. i felt better distancing myself than i would have in being around someone so intense. when i looked back over, her son had come in with the cart. it only had one large cake in it. my guess is that she was late for a party and feeling stressed. if she had simply said that to me, i would have suggested she go ahead of me. with the insane driving here, i simply count the number of folks who try to kill us or themselves along the way. on particularly bad days, i tell the kids that we aren't going out again or i take a roundabout route that is less traveled. i have taken to "defensive parking". i'd much rather park a little farther away than have someone jump out of their car and scream at me... or play chicken with me or or or.... i envy whoever it was who said this doesn't happen to them often. i have lived places like that. they are lovely. i think there is linkage to economic stress or lack thereof. fwiw, ann

dd#4 is doing ocean environment and also evoution, thru sheri jackson's online science. dd#3 loved her classes, and learned a ton. here is her website: http://sherrisonlineclasses.weebly.com/ she does one semester and two semester classes. they meet once a week live on line. hope that helps, ann

i noticed one of our favorite online teachers isn't listed here yet. sheri jackson teaches specific high school science topics (eg. ocean environment, evolution). her email is soapnotes@msn.com she also teaches middle school english courses. she was a great introduction to online classes for our dd#3. dd#4 is registered in both science classes for this autumn, and we'd love people we "know" to be there with us ;). best, ann eta: her website is http://sherrisonlineclasses.weebly.com/

i am so sorry! it is such an awful feeling for someone to come into your space and take things that are yours. i wish the world were different. hugs, ann

after i broke my knee cap this spring, i kept myself from doing anything stupid by going on line and reading horror stories of people who walked early and subsequently shattered their knee cap. and the one (only one!) of the person who did what she was told and was great at the 16 week mark. fwiw, ann

phew! well, that's done. ;). good for you for getting thru it in good spirits! and hurray for minimally invasive, and intact neurological symptoms!!! :hurray:

i would go with some combination of the many suggestions above. first, i would find a place that will ship pre-prepared frozen meals, for the times when no one else is stepping up. defrosting something quick in the microwave is blessing. then, i would do research on a cleaning firm, and then call her and ask her if i could do that for her. that i had called several firms, and that there were three i was happy with and who could come. would that be okay, and would a tuesday or thursday work better for her? all that said, when my mom fell a few years back and shattered her shoulder and elbow, i packed children and school books and got on a plane. it took us a good long while to pay for it, but it was so worth it. ymmv, ann

i hope you got thru it okay! i am definitely the wrong person to be talking about this - i love, love, love parties. one of the greatest acts of love my mom gave me was in my high school years, helping me host a gigantic party (think 75 + teens) for a hallowe'en party (no alcohol). i had a glorious time. she hid in the bedroom and made strategic appearances. when hiding wasn't an option, she had a knack for making it about everything/everyone else. eg. at her 80th party, she talked briefly about when she was a little girl and what the world was like, about the ice wagon coming by. and listening to the wireless. then she asked someone else what they remembered from their childhood and how it had changed. that got everyone talking for about thirty minutes. (only her best friend, my godmother, and I caught the little smile that crossed her face around the 20 minute mark. it was an "oh good, isn't this working well" look.) i think that practicing "opening gambits" would help the anxiety, as it would give you a role that wasn't the "birthday girl" role. you aren't anywhere near old enough for the "what was it like when" gambit, but maybe next year a "when did you KNOW you were a teacher?" gambit or a "who was YOUR favorite teacher growing up and how did that impact you" might work.... not as a question, but as an example of a story you might tell, and then you could ask just one person specifically who you know will talk.... hopefully, it will roll from there ;) birthday blessings, ann

lighting a candle now to remind us to pray for you often in the next few hours! blessings, ann