so this one sounded good..... http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g32655-d73733-r237921684-The_Inn_at_657-Los_Angeles_California.html

we are an hour north of universal city during non-rush hour times. staying as close to where you need to be will save a lot (a lot!) of time. we tell visitors that they need to leave our house by 5.30am at the latest to get to anywhere in the city by 9am. (if you leave at 5:30, you will be there at 7. if you leave at 6, you will be there at 9.... maybe....) and if they aren't on the road home by 3:30, then it will be well after 7pm when they get here. is there an orthodox church near there that might have suggestions about housing? there may well be cheap hotels near by.... i know that is true for disneyland. hth, ann ps. if you are desperate, you are more than welcome to our guest bedroom..... but the traffic really is that bad.

i have huge respect for people who look at the way they do life, and dare to ask "what if i did something different?" :hurray: i find a whole lot of joy in plotting and planning the surprise of gift giving.... and in sharing that with family. are you familiar with the idea of there being five love languages? one of them is gift giving. it may not be yours, but it may be the love language of someone you care about. if you want to do something for someone other than your kids, then i think you could.... it would mean lots of thought and planning, but for very little money you could do one extra gift this year, and more another year. ie. start with your dh, and then your parents and his, and then see where you are in a few years. one inexpensive gift: you could knit your mom/dad a scarf. one year, i bought a four dollar box of stationary cards and gave half to my mom and kept the other half. the gift was the promise of writing each month - letters mean a lot to the generations raised before computers. for dh, there were many years when the gift was a cleaning of the inside of his car. we bought balloons and filled the car with them. (the non-helium balloons are really, really cheap, and once you blow them up, two packs of different colors will more than fill a car. red and green for christmas, pink and red for valentine's day....). for people i live with, i bake a favorite thing for them, or bring them breakfast in bed. sometimes i buy a pair of tea mugs, and give one to one person and keep the other. i put a few bags of tea in their cup, and maybe a chocolate bar. then, off and on during the year, I call them and we have tea and chocolate "together". this works really well for family you are emotionally close to, but where you are geographically far apart. (far enough that just dropping by for tea isn't possible). these ideas take time, but not very much money at all. eg. thrift shop tea mugs are often only twenty-five cents each. add in a dollar for a chocolate bar, and a two dollars for tea, and that is under four dollars. my folks love a simple framed picture of us, too. all of which is a (very) long way of saying that gift giving can be from the heart, and not so much from the pocketbook. hth, ann

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: wow, you must have been surprised!!! you can do this! :grouphug: ann

i did a similar test in high school and again in college, and it helped a lot. the test that really hit the nail on the head for me was one that matched my interests with the interests of people in different professions. it turns out that compatibility with my workmates is the crucial thing for me. so over my high school and university years i worked my way thru the list. i have tried the top seven, and they ALL were good in one way or another. and a bit of humour - it turns out that my interests match the interests of male farmers more than anything else. and now, at 55, i live on 20 acres and raise chickens and garden among other things. but second was a flight attendant, which i did briefly and loved.... for about 3 months. turns out i need a bit more intellectual challenge than it provided. third was teaching, which i love (and still do as a homeschool mom). fourth was social worker, which i did and loved. (downside was stress). fifth was ministry, which i loved. (downside was hours). sixth was pyschologist, which is what my first degree is in. i used it in everything i did. seventh was musician, which i have done my whole life as a hobby. i didn't pursue it professionally, because a professional musician councelled both my brother and i that unless we were in the top five of our generation, we weren't going to make a huge amount of money. i wasn't even in the top 100 of my generation as a violist, so that was the reality check i really needed. my brother was ~ #7 of his generation in trumpet and flugel horn, but because of this same advice went into law. it has been horrible. he could have made a good living playing trumpet (not millions maybe, but enough for a good middle class life). he made way more as a lawyer..... and lost his wife, his family, his house and his health. i look at him and think "you could have had joy". the fact that i still remember what the test recommended is a clue to how powerful it was. my advice to our older two who are out in the world was "do what you love. if you happen to fall in love with a science instead of an art, you will make about twice as much money in a lifetime. money doesn't buy happiness, but having just a little more than enough is a great way to go thru life. i also encourage them to look around and notice that their grandparents all had one career their whole lives, whereas dh and I have each had several. dh's were all in his field, but mine weren't (unless you count "people" as a field ;). dh's advice is "find something hard that people value that you are good at". my mom's advice to me was: "there is a reason everyone in our family is a teacher". my dad's advice to me was: "you are at university to grow up. grow. you'll figure it out. but you'd better be able to feed yourself when you're done." the key steering moment came in a walk with my dad, after i had tried two majors in two years, and disliked both of them in the end. he said, "so what have you taken that you've done consistently well in and that you go to all your classes in?" (the second was a way of getting at what i liked/was interested in). the answer was psychology. then very quietly he said, "do you think maybe your mother has a point?". after i ranted and raved, he pointed out that we weren't all teachers because that's what we did, or because we couldn't do anything else; we were all teachers because we were good at it and got fulfillment doing it... and that because of aptitude and attitude, i was already a better teacher than many he hired. when i walked into the faculty of education the next week to ask about concurrent education, the dean of education walked by, turned around and said, "i wondered if i'd get to see you. i am so glad you found your way home."..... which left me wondering if the whole world had known what i should be doing except me. (which turned out to be largely true, except of course i needed to find my own way home). very long, but hoping it resonates with someone.... ann

mamakelly, that's what i say to mine, too. "if there is ANYHING else you can do, do it. if this is REALLY where you are meant to be, God won't give up." i loved my years in a parish, but it is so very hard, too. and very, very tough on family and relationships. and that's all I should say about that..... ;) blessings, ann

some men take up knitting when they are hospitalized for a long time. maybe your dds and their dad could knit scarves together while they visit? if he's well enough to help with schooling, to read to them or have them read to him or both, that could help him feel useful rather than a burden. when my mom was hospitalized for a long time, each day i would talk to the girls about what we might do to be helpful. one day it was nail polish, another it was brushing hair, etc, etc. it gave them an idea of what they could do. my mom taught them card games during this time and that is a cherished memory. we would also wheel her in a wheel chair to the quiet room on the floor, where we were always the only people there, and the girls could relax and just hang out with my mom. it also gave her a change of scenery. hugs to you, ann ps. if the girls have godparents or family friends you are close to, this might be a good time for them to take the girls to the movies/skating/bowling so you can have a break. single parenting is hard enough when everything is going well, never mind when your partner is sick.

many hugs.... for you and for sailor dude, too! ann

fwiw, i have found that my body is reaching its limits way earlier than i had thought it would. when i ask my mom, she thinks for a moment, and says something like, "oh yes, that's when it started for me". i am 55; i have been dealing with arthritis for about seven years now. it started during peri menopause. for me, its rheumatoid; for my mom it was osteo. if i leave the evening dishes until morning, then i put my hands in warm water for a while first thing, and they feel much better afterwards. also, when i wake up at night, i tuck my hands under my hips. that warms them up, and keeps them from clenching. they don't stay there once i fall asleep, but that seems to make mornings easier. and it comes and goes; i have come to realize i can do some things sometimes and not other times. the more driving i do in a day, they worse they are the next day. i haven't found a remedy for that beyond arranging carpools, so that there are some days when i only drive for an hour or so. hth, ann

i would have loved pre made meals. either made by the people or ordered from a company that delivers frozen food dinners. fwiw, ann

voted. will vote tomorrow, too ;). hope it works! ann

this has hit me much harder than i would ever have guessed. its so sad. ann

another approach would be suggest to the ballet studio that they cover the glass with paper so that the girls can't upset the boys by making fun of them. or just go in early and do it yourself. sometimes the defacto state remains. then if anyone asks why, you can say. fwiw, ann

sigh.... how old are they? it might be effective to have one of the pointe dancers speak to the presumably younger girls about how pas de deux are not possible without boys, so that rather than laughing at them they should be baking them cookies! they need them to want to stay around. flip side is that it is never okay to laugh at someone else who is doing their best. (regardless of outcome). the ballet mistress needs to know. how she deals with it will tell you all you need to know about sticking around or not. tell him to hang in there! ann

hugs jean.... i hope you find a mattress that helps rather than hurts. memory foam is the answer for me. when we are away, i can hardly wait to get home to it. i have a memory foam pillow in the car, and a memory foam mattress. we tried a topper before committing to the mattress, and i really liked it, but did have trouble turning over. it was "softer" somehow. then there is the memory foam that dh got to put in our tent ;)..... i love camping, and this makes it possible for me to sleep. but my issue is rheumatoid arthritis, so things that aren't joints don't hurt.... at least not yet.... hugs, ann

you could shop online at a grocery store for things you know they like, and that you like to make. then you will have everything you need. you and your mom/dad in law can cook together - its one of my mom's favourite things when she visits me (she's 86....)... and one of my husband's mom's favourite things, too. if you plan a few crockpot meals, then you can be doing things with them while it cooks. on the other hand, many restaurants will provide take out or delivery of meals. enjoy their stay! ann

you are talking about me and my dh. we still buy replacements sometimes. that's just the way it goes. that said, how we have helped our four dds who are just like us. 1) a bag for each activity. eg. a dance bag for dance. in the bag are the dance shoes, leotard, tights, empty water bottle, and any notices they receive at dance. they come home and put the dance bag on the table in the front hall. i empty it of everything except shoes. then, i reload it. once they are a bit older, it is their job to empty it and to reload it the night before the classes 2) before bed, the bags for the next day must be ready to go. so if you have lost something, you have time to find it. we still keep a hair brush and elastics in the car, because who knows where the nineteen brushes in the house might be..... my hunch is that having a place for everything works well for you, and just overloads him completely. if he has a bag for each activity, then that is where those things belong. and then it doesn't matter whether the bag has a place or not. really. fwiw, ann

just make sure you cancel the credit cards before you do it..... if they are angry, who knows how it will go down.... many hugs.... its hard. fwiw, ann ps. have you discussed the issues with them, and documented them? i think if you handle it as if they weren't family, that is good. eg. step 1: oral warning (re sickness) + written warning re credit cards (its more serious). you both need to sign the written warning. step 2: written warning re absences. if misuse of cards has continued, then you can fire them at that point. it also means it won't be a complete surprise. however, if they shape up, then you can't fire them.

what helped me was the idea that i had things that could bless someone else. i have ten pair of shoes, and someone has none. i could bless them with a pair thru the local thrift store. i can pass the blessing on; that works for me. fwiw, ann

:iagree: i was humming "the gambler" as i read your post... if it is so easy to fix, they will fix it before you buy it. renting is not such a bad choice. really. fwiw, ann

our drill is a bit different. there is an audition day. the younger dancers audition and are given roles. the casting is announced in a hand out the following weekend. for the large roles, the senior corps dancers learn each part and casting is finalized about four weeks out. fwiw, ann

i lost almost thirty pounds after fifty. fwiw, ann

my auras are always before the pain starts.... hth, ann

oops, i am still thinking.... drinks: trader joes makes a great harvest tea (and there are others out there) and there are great spiced coffees, too. hope that all helps, ann

i forgot - this is how i am going to start our dinner this year: its raw veggies arranged to look like a turkey! http://www.eatingwithfoodallergies.com/turkeyveggieplatter.html it is cute and tasty and fun! hth, ann ps. and it may be time to begin to shift the "special" focus from food a bit.... i remember reading here about folks who have a thanksgiving table cloth and everyone wrote on it each year. in our house, we have a bowl, and wooden leaves and acorns that i put at each person's place. before dinner, we pass the bowl and as we place our acorn or wooden leave in the bowl we say three things we are thankful for. it would work with cut out paper leaves or real leaves/acorns, too.