Who knew... (a complaint)

[PeterPan]

Who knew the hurtful question of the month would be: What grade is your boy?  Followed up by the corollary: What curriculum do you use?

 

And how am I supposed to answer that?  He's NOT a grade.  He's 5 and he can't hear the sounds in words, can't generalize the stupid number 6 to objects in front of him, can't swim very well, dances a jig if he gets bored, but oh yeah he uses words like "impregnable" in conversation.

 

I mean, just the STARTING point with novice homeschoolers is all off.  They want to hear a curriculum list or they think you're doing a bad job.  I know I'm working with him appropriately or the best I can with the info I have.  I'm getting evals to get better counsel.  I'm doing everything I know how to do.  I stopped doing the thing that was theoretically good (LIPS) that was messing up his speech.  There's nothing left.

 

I don't even KNOW if he should be called by his age-grade.  He's a really odd bird.  But he's NOT DUMB.  I don't know what he is, but he's not whatever they're implying (the victim of poor teaching, poor this, poor that).  He's AWESOME.  He works hard, blows people's minds, is creative and inventive.

 

So whatever.  I wonder what time of year they'll stop asking, because it's getting old already.  Got a pat answer for me?  I know: (said in a snooty robot voice) "Grades are a product of the manufacturing-oriented public school system.  In our approach we reject grades entirely and teach to brilliance."  Snort. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Elizabeth,  :grouphug:   Here is how I would answer.  "He's five." (Many five year olds aren't even doing formal school yet.)  If they push, then you can say, "He would be in kindergarten at the local public school."  For curriculum, just say "I use an eclectic approach."  

[wapiti]

:grouphug:

 

I'd probably say he's just getting started with K materials, whether or not that's even true (like, get off my back, lady :), it's September for pete's sake).  I'd say using Ronit Bird for math and on the fence about phonics programs - I think it's unlikely that most homeschoolers would have any idea what Ronit Bird is anyway, LOL!  (When I hear "what curriculum are you using" I tend to think curriculum-in-a-box, which wouldn't be my cup of tea anyway, no matter the child's levels)

Edited January 12, 2016 by wapiti

[Heathermomster]

I'm sorry.

 

On Sunday, a mom that is actually very nice and meant nothing by it, seemed surprised that her 2nd grader could read a calendar filled with daily assignments, complete the assignments unattended, and my 9th grader could not.

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[Princess Ariel]

Hugs to you, Elizabeth! (my emoticons don't work!) I know it is hard, I still face it with my two as well and they are a lot older. You are the best mom and teacher for him and in my opinion you are doing spectacular work with him. He truly has the ultimate advocate in his life. Try to let it go (said by someone with really thin skin;)and just keep on doing what you are doing. We support you here! I think it is more difficult being in the homeschool world as there are such high expectations for our kids. Those who struggle are hidden away and rarely spoken about.

[PeterPan]

I'm sorry.

 

On Sunday, a mom that is actually very nice and meant nothing by it, seemed surprised that her 2nd grader could read a calendar filled with daily assignments, complete the assignments unattended, and my 9th grader could not.

Heather you're right, I shouldn't compare.  Comparison is the death of contentment.  Sigh, say to self again and again.

 

Wapiti and Jean, I'm combining you here.  You know, I've never really said those words, but when you combine them "I don't use a boxed curriculum.  I'm very eclectic." it actually describes it really accurately.  And you're right, what was so awkward was starting off with this apology of all the things my boy CAN'T do and why he has to use these weird things you've never heard of and won't see in catalogs or at the convention.  

 

Well I appreciate it.  That phrasing will work a lot better, yes.  I'm saying it to myself over and over to get it to sound natural.  

 

I don't know about the grade level thing.  I'm going to start a separate query on that.  It's really part of a larger, more complicated question.  Or maybe not so complicated but loaded.  

[Lecka]

My son is in Kindergarten.  He is not 100% at a Kindergarten level, but he is in Kindergarten.  He is working at his appropriate level.  

 

If your son was in public school -- he just would be in whatever grade.  It is just homeschool where people are very aware of what level of materials they are using.  

 

I think if you want to say Kindergarten -- you are justified.  In a public school classroom, there are students working at a very wide level, and having differentiated instruction in various areas, and going to pull-out to be more advanced or to get extra help.  They are all just in their grade.  

 

So, that is my perspective.  

 

http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/not-a-baby/

 

I like this post, too.  She is maybe getting at part of the issue you are thinking of.  I think her overall point is -- don't put people in a box.  There is no need.  Sometimes the frameworks just do not work. 

 

You are free to describe your son as you choose -- you do not need to directly answer the question you are asked. You can say back what you want.  There is not an obligation for you to be operating within the same framework of "curriculum levels" if that is not your framework.  So -- you can give a short, easy answer, or a longer and more detailed answer.  It is up to you.  

 

But I do think it is best to think about how you will portray your son in a positive way to others -- it is a good habit to get into.  You don't have to join others in talking apologetically about your kids -- there is no need.  You can be a good example for other people to think "hey, I don't have to do that either."  

[MomatHWTK]

Lots of people don't use a single curriculum, they use a mix of materials.  If someone asks me, I could name a long list of various resources I use but I don't stick with one curriculum.  If it is homeschoolers asking, they probably are a one company kind of teacher and don't realize that others mix and match. 

 

Saying the age grade is fine, IMO.  If you want to you can point out that the beauty of homeschooling is that you can work at whatever grade level works best. 

 

If you are feeling uncomfortable, you might say "DS has some learning challenges but does really well in other areas so we are using an approach that helps him even out."  I know it is hard when your child doesn't look or act "right" and you want people to know all the great things about him that they can't see.  But absent a long coversation, you aren't going to be able to show them all the good stuff.  Be sure and find people in your life who are willing to listen long enough to get to the good stuff though- that will help. 

[PeterPan]

My son is in Kindergarten.  He is not 100% at a Kindergarten level, but he is in Kindergarten.  He is working at his appropriate level.  

 

If your son was in public school -- he just would be in whatever grade.  It is just homeschool where people are very aware of what level of materials they are using.  

 

I think if you want to say Kindergarten -- you are justified.  In a public school classroom, there are students working at a very wide level, and having differentiated instruction in various areas, and going to pull-out to be more advanced or to get extra help.  They are all just in their grade.  

 

So, that is my perspective.  

 

http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/not-a-baby/

 

I like this post, too.  She is maybe getting at part of the issue you are thinking of.  I think her overall point is -- don't put people in a box.  There is no need.  Sometimes the frameworks just do not work. 

 

You are free to describe your son as you choose -- you do not need to directly answer the question you are asked. You can say back what you want.  There is not an obligation for you to be operating within the same framework of "curriculum levels" if that is not your framework.  So -- you can give a short, easy answer, or a longer and more detailed answer.  It is up to you.  

 

But I do think it is best to think about how you will portray your son in a positive way to others -- it is a good habit to get into.  You don't have to join others in talking apologetically about your kids -- there is no need.  You can be a good example for other people to think "hey, I don't have to do that either."  

You're right, I hadn't thought through how to explain him and it's coming up now that the school year has started.  And yes, that article is a lot of it.  I've struggled with that for years, the idea of listening to his speech and treating him baby-ishly when he's NOT.  He might be be like someone else's 5 yo or whatever, but he's himself, filled with experiences and knowledge and ideas.  So I appreciate the article.  

[PeterPan]

I understand your frustration. My son is 11yo and working at a first grade level. I hate the question, "what grade is he in" because grade level means nothing to him. It depends on the situation, but usually I'll reply with "he's eleven", but if someone needs to know, I'll expound with "but he's still working at a first grade level".

You're right, getting off the grade train might be the best solution with him.  I loved K5 when I worked in it and when I taught dd, so the thought of not really "doing" K5 is a loss to me, a grief.  But now that we're here, nobody here thinks this is K5.  Dh doesn't come home and badger me asking whether he "did school" the way he used to with dd.  We all totally know it's different and not.  Only outsiders wonder.  To us, we know what we're supposed to be doing.  He's 5 and fully supported in every area we can and he's doing exactly what he's ready to do.  I can't call him K5, because there's no way in the world we could call him 1st grade next year. 

[PeterPan]

Lots of people don't use a single curriculum, they use a mix of materials.  If someone asks me, I could name a long list of various resources I use but I don't stick with one curriculum.  If it is homeschoolers asking, they probably are a one company kind of teacher and don't realize that others mix and match. 

 

Saying the age grade is fine, IMO.  If you want to you can point out that the beauty of homeschooling is that you can work at whatever grade level works best. 

 

If you are feeling uncomfortable, you might say "DS has some learning challenges but does really well in other areas so we are using an approach that helps him even out."  I know it is hard when your child doesn't look or act "right" and you want people to know all the great things about him that they can't see.  But absent a long coversation, you aren't going to be able to show them all the good stuff.  Be sure and find people in your life who are willing to listen long enough to get to the good stuff though- that will help. 

Thanks, I'm going to chew on this.  

[Julie of KY]

Hugs.

You probably know you'll get that question forever.

 

I interpret "What grade is he in?" as a social question meaning how old is he. I answer it as an age question and never as what grade are they working at. As to what curriculum I either give a simple answer, "Sonlight" or a much more vague answer - "oh, lots of things". "what grade is he working at?" is rarely asked and then just answered vaguely as all over the place.

 

You've probably already experienced the fact that some of the questions/judgements never go away - they just change. My seven year old is being judged (and his teacher) on the fact that he can't read or remember how to spell his name. My oldest has been judged all his life. "What he doesn't know his letters?", "he's a middle schooler and still doesn't know his lower case letters?", "he's old enough to fill out the form himself", etc. Now we've convinced people that he's smart because he's proven he's exceptional in math, so the general public says he should be able to do x, y, and z since he's "smart". The boy scouts don't like the fact we scribe (he has formal accommodations and even college board approval). They also want to say he doesn't put enough effort into any written report because "we know he's really smart". Well smart does not equal capable of physically writing or putting language together into a "good" paragraph.

 

Hang in there and know you are doing the best for your child and try not to be bothered of what others think.

[PeterPan]

Ok, say it straight.  I don't see how I'm supposed to call him K5 if he's not learning to read, not learning to write, and not going to be able to do any of the things a 1st grader does.  

 

We're working on the writing btw.  I'm doing the basic building blocks of EZ write and we're working on automaticity with that.  When we have that, we'll build and go forward.  No shortcuts.  

[MomatHWTK]

If he were enrolled in PS, he would have a specialized program designed to fit his needs and they would still call it K5.  Next year they would call it 1st grade. You are doing your child's grade level. 

 

ETA:  When we were looking into help for DS, I asked his psychologist (she has a PhD in educational pyschology and consults for schools) what would be provided if he were in ps.  As it turned out, I was doing fine.  The facts are the facts, it is impossible to teach things that the child is not ready or able to learn. 

 

I would guess you are very much still in the shock/mourning stage as you seek answers.  It takes a while to get answers and a while to adjust your mind and change habits/expectations.  And yes, not fitting the standard form hurts for you and you hurt for your child.  Be gentle and get support if you need it. 

 

Take a look at this:

http://www.our-kids.org/archives/Holland.html

 

and this:

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

 

 

You do what you can,  how you can and when you can.  That's all you can expect of yourself. 

[Heathermomster]

Ok, say it straight.  I don't see how I'm supposed to call him K5 if he's not learning to read, not learning to write, and not going to be able to do any of the things a 1st grader does.  

 

We're working on the writing btw.  I'm doing the basic building blocks of EZ write and we're working on automaticity with that.  When we have that, we'll build and go forward.  No shortcuts.  

Lady friend, you have been eyeball deep in therapies for over three years and are getting testing done very soon.  You are working towards the goal of getting that child to read.  You know that sight word instruction is around the corner.  Your boy has gone very far in a short period of time.  You perform large motor activities with him.  You are eyeball deep in RB math activities which is the equivalent of RS A.  He listens to SOTW audio books and watches documentaries all the time.  He is Kindie.  

[Mom22ns]

Elizabeth,  :grouphug:   Here is how I would answer.  "He's five." (Many five year olds aren't even doing formal school yet.)  If they push, then you can say, "He would be in kindergarten at the local public school."  For curriculum, just say "I use an eclectic approach."  

 

I'd go with this.

 

I have always age/grade labeled my kids and you could say K if that is easier, or just not. I have also deferred the curriculum questions with the eclectic answer. Only if I really think someone is interested in trying to figure out what to use for their own kids will I start to talk about curriculum. Then I'll start throwing out, well for math at x age we like... But I don't get specific until I'm sure they aren't just trying to play the one up game. I just won't play. Those of us with unusual kids 2e or more, just can't win those games, the deck has been stacked against us. Instead just enjoy how amazing your 5 year old and his vocabulary are. What a great guy!

 

:grouphug:

[OneStepAtATime]

Sitting here in tears totally understanding where you are coming from.  (Bad day).  Hugs, Elizabeth.  You are doing everything you can and should and far more than most.   Many will not understand.  It is hard not to take it personally, I know.  I like the "I use an eclectic approach" option for nosy/ignorant questions.  Jean has a good suggestion.  

 

And goodness, your boy IS bright.  Very bright.  Some of the things you post that he can do are astounding.  But he isn't NT.  Just like nearly everyone's kid on this board.  He's just got his own timetable/path to take, as do they all.  And sadly others not dealing with raising a child who isn't following a stereotypical path may not understand at all.  Blaming the parent is a common and terribly unfortunate reaction.  We just have to ride it out (and I say this while still feeling deeply wounded myself today from a similar situation).  Hugs.  Huge, huge hugs.

[texasmama]

(((hugs)))  Your own feelings about this are obviously pretty "raw", mama.  I can most relate by having a child born with a birth defect, bilateral clubfoot.  Through no fault of hers or mine, she is different in a way that is obvious.  I spent the first few years of her life protecting her (and myself) from prying eyes.  I got anxious taking her to the shoe store and when someone approached asking if I needed help measuring her feet, I practically shouted them away.  I know people were puzzled.  I couldn't help it at the time.  Really, I couldn't.  People will on occasion still stare at her feet because they look different.  They will always look different.  Someday she will care that they look different.  At different points in her life, she has been unable to participate in activities due to her feet.  Once when she wanted a pair of Twinkle Toes shoes, I went to several shoe stores and could not find a single pair of name brand or knock offs that did not hurt her feet.  Shoes are not made for these little feet.  I buy shoes several sizes too big so they won't rub her or hurt her.  She is facing surgery on her toes at some point.  And it won't fix them, just immobilize them so she can wear shoes. She has received the best treatment available, and this is what she still lives with every day.  Yes, she can walk and even run.  No, she will never have normal, fully functioning feet.  And there is not a damn thing I can do about that.

 

(I'm sorry, mama, as I have made this all about me.  I am leaving this, though, because I hope you can feel my rawness about this.  As best I can, I understand. (((hugs))) and love for your mama heart that hurts for your boy.)

[Alice]

:grouphug: I'm not coming from a BTDT viewpoint, so I may not be all that helpful. I think most people who ask are just making conversation. If that's the case I'd just say the grade he would be in in public school. I agree with the poster who said they would call him K5 in public school regardless of what he was actually doing. I see a lot of kids in my practice who have varying levels of learning disabilities or differences or other issues. They are all in the grade appropriate for their age regardless of what work they are doing. They are getting the appropriate help and support that they need and working to their own abilities. But if it's a 6th grader by age doing 1st grade work (whatever that means) the school doesn't call them a 1st grader. 

 

If it's just someone making conversation I'd say "Kindergarten" or for a 5 year old I'd say "He's five and we haven't started formal schooling yet." You don't need to elaborate on what exactly you are doing. As for curriculum I like Jean's "eclectic" answer. That pretty much covers it all. :) 

[Lecka]

I think the idea of Kindergarten and a Kindergarten curriculum is a public school construct, based around the institution of public school.

 

Please do not think every child in Kindergarten in public school is fully at a "Kindergarten level."  It is not reality.  It is reality that many children are, many are above that level, some are below that level.... but they are all in Kindergarten.  

 

I think you are going from "my son is not 100% in a traditional K5 curriculum" and going from there to "he is not really in Kindergarten."  

 

But you could just do more K5 things with him if you wanted.  He would be interacting with the K5 things at his current level, and MAYBE it is not the best thing for him to do right now.  But, if you want to do more K5 stuff and you are sad you are not ------ maybe you could add in some more K5.  If you are sad because he is not interested in some of the K5 things -- I have been sad like that, but it is about me.  

 

Also ------ who is to say you will not be doing some K5 things later on, and maybe also some beyond-grade-level things later on.  The chance to do K5 special things does not disappear, and if it is something he will outgrow, maybe add some of the stuff in. 

 

But I think you would be within your rights to either go 100% the public school model and just say what grade he would be in ---- it implies nothing about what level a student is performing on ---- there is such a range.  Or, just be a homeschooler and acknowledge that you are not re-creating public school at home, if that is not the type of home schooling you are doing.  If you are talking to people who are doing public-school-at-home homeschooling, there may be a disconnect anyway.  It is not their business why you are doing something different than what they are doing -- or you are free to share if they seem interested.  

 

But overall, I think either a) do some more K5 stuff with him, so you can do your specials you are missing.  Or B) embrace where he is and think about adding things later, not thinking there can be no later.

 

To be honest -- my son is behind.  But -- he is now able to do some young pre-school things (and some age-appropriate things, too, it is funny how that works out).  And I am so happy to be doing young pre-school things with him!  It is so much fun!  I don't care that he is almost 6.  I am going to do the young pre-school stuff now and I LOVE it.  I get to do it again instead of it being over (my younger kids are twins, and these are books and little activities my daughter has outgrown, so if he were not delayed, I would not be doing them again with my own kids).  

 

But then there is still being sad -- he is 5 NOW and he is not ready for some K5 things NOW.  Or maybe even will never want to do them, b/c it is not his thing.  But sometimes it turns out that his interests are even more fun than what you would have picked.  But, I have sad moments sometimes.  It is just hard to be sad for too long, when I really enjoy the early pre-school stuff, and back when he was the "right age" for it I despaired of ever doing it with him.  Now it is just such a joy.  

 

But I cannot guarantee he will come to some things later -- but it is possible.  It is very, very possible.  He is way too young to despair that you will never have some experiences together.  Though -- it is the time to be sad about not having them at the same time as other people -- which would mean there would not be inconvenient questions and awareness of him being at a different place.  

 

But what I really love are the little early pre-school books.  I LOVE reading those little books.  I LOVE seeing kids engrossed in these simple little books with the simple pictures, just about every day life and things like "it snowed" or "it rained" or "I planted a seed and a flower grew."  And I get to do that with my son now!!!!!!!  But I really did not know if I would be able to or when -- but I am doing it now.  He is still picky and it is a little harder to keep him engaged, but I look forward to many months of reading these little books together.  

 

But -- when I first really realized he was not on the same level as his age peers, I did despair.  It was extremely sad.  So this is like -- 2 years later.  I have sad moments, but I have so much to be happy about, and it has been a long time since I have thought he would do age-level things.  And, it comes up less often -- it is like, people already know.  When it comes up -- I am more comfortable with what I will say, it is not the first time I ever have to say it, or the second time, or the third time.  It does get much easier.  

 

But I get the same level of pleasure from reading pre-school books to him, now, that I got to reading them to my other kids when they were younger.  There are even some new books out I didn't know about before!  Like -- I really like Pip and Posy, and they are new since my daughter was little.  http://www.amazon.com/Pip-Posy-The-Snowy-Day/dp/0763666076  Just for an example.  I would probably have never have had a reason to read this cute little series if not for my son coming to this level of books at a later age.  And I just love them.  Same illustrator as The Gruffalo and Room on the Broom.  

[summerreading]

I'm sorry people are being so annoying about this at five! Seems a bit over the top.

[mommymonster]

I'm sorry people ask stupid, hurtful questions. Really.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

But I've come to realize something pretty strange in the last few years: most people aren't actually thinking about you, or your kiddo, when they ask questions. Now, if it's a professional in a professional sense, you can probably expect they care. Otherwise, people are making conversation. They are thinking about what to make for dinner. They don't really care about your answers. And while that sounds, harsh, well it's generally true. 

 

My kid has huge scars on his head due to brain surgeries. People ask about them all the godforsaken time. And I used to explain the truth. The gut-wrenching truth. Some jerk actually asked if my son would live when he decided to interrogate me at McDonalds. With my son standing right there. I was so shocked that I just stared at him. Then I realized I didn't owe him the truth. He was passing time in a line by putting me through an emotional wringer. He was being nosy. He had no bona fide reason to ask, other than boredom. So instead of the whole truth, now I go with, "he had some surgeries." And if pressed, I say, "Quite frankly, it's none of your business."

 

I'm wondering if the questions you faced about your sweet boy are of a similar vein? If it's some general person from the grocery store, or someone at the playground, well, they don't deserve and probably aren't looking for the full story. They want a pat answer and then they want to talk about their own precious snowflakes. Say he's in kindergarten. That's the grade he'd be in if he went to public school. If they want a curriculum, I'd go with a "We use an eclectic approach, with classical influences." 

 

He has learning differences, yep. That's not the whole story, though. He's an extraordinary little person who is well loved, and well cared for. He will make a difference.  

 

Perhaps visualize yourself as impregnable fortress of calm  :ph34r:

[Mom22ns]

Lady friend, you have been eyeball deep in therapies for over three years and are getting testing done very soon.  You are working towards the goal of getting that child to read.  You know that sight word instruction is around the corner.  Your boy has gone very far in a short period of time.  You perform large motor activities with him.  You are eyeball deep in RB math activities which is the equivalent of RS A.  He listens to SOTW audio books and watches documentaries all the time.  He is Kindie.  

 

Liking this wasn't enough. I had to quote it.

 

Don't define your ds by what he isn't doing. You know better. If you don't want to call it K because it is not traditional K and it won't be traditional 1st either, go with just saying he's 5 and call next year K. It might be easier, but his learning will always be uneven. 

[Mandylubug]

:grouphug: I get it.

[FairProspects]

Heck, most kids are 6 in K around here anyway. No worries. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing and it is really no one else's business.

[PeterPan]

Lady friend, you have been eyeball deep in therapies for over three years and are getting testing done very soon.  You are working towards the goal of getting that child to read.  You know that sight word instruction is around the corner.  Your boy has gone very far in a short period of time.  You perform large motor activities with him.  You are eyeball deep in RB math activities which is the equivalent of RS A.  He listens to SOTW audio books and watches documentaries all the time.  He is Kindie.  

First, I wanted to say how VERY, VERY much I appreciate everyone's responses!  I've been reading them on and off today as we bustled about our craziness.  You have given me SO much to think about, and you've really nailed a lot.  I was taking the question too literally and putting myself out there in a way that would only get me hurt and frankly only express my hurt without having it be information they could do anything with.  I like the idea of the *evasive* answering.  It has not really been my style, but it's obviously time for my style to, ahem, mature.  You're right that I will sound a lot less hair brained if I start with "I like RS, BJU, SL, and Veritas Press stuff. I use an eclectic mix with him."  Then it doesn't sound like NOTHING.  Then it sounds like a woman who has used 20 things who's picking the best of it to fit the situation, and that's what I am.  That's the TRUTH and I don't need to be shy about that.  

 

And yes, Heather, you are absolutely correct.  I've taught through almost all the levels of RS math and RB is STELLAR.  It highly correlates to traditional K5 computation content.  Yes there are more topics, but we cover those topics other ways!  I have RS A, and if I wanted to use it and thought something was missing, I WOULD.  And I appreciate your analysis on that, because you're right I had been sort of downplaying what he does in my mind, not thinking of it as really legitimate.  I worked in K5, and in reality he already has all the basic knowledge a K5er had when I worked there.  (basic computation, write your name, know major holidays)  The only thing he doesn't have is the reading, big deal.

 

Ok, y'all have totally OPENED MY EYES on the ps grade level thing.  I had NO CLUE it was like that!!!!!!!!!  Did I say that emphatically enough?  Seriously, like from the way people handle grade levels on the board, I thought it was this sacred marker of smartness: go up if you're smart, go down if you're NOT.  I had NO CLUE the ps was handling it so broadly.  And you're right, they'd take my boy, give him and IEP, and flow with it.  Other than bizarre immaturity, I don't think they'd have a reason to hold him back.  To us he seems young, and the psych may even say give him a year to bake based on that.  I don't feel like that's something I can sort out on my own.  My perspective is obviously skewed, being too distant from other kids right now and too close to him to have perspective.  But I can see what y'all are saying now, that legally, culturally, it's OK to say age grade and be really, really different and just own it. 

 

I'm getting muddled in the brain now, but that link to the blog article on the girl not talking was fabulous.  It took me a while to really ponder.  Fascinating concept, the idea of respecting the child and not reducing him to some label that doesn't really explain him.

 

Lecka, you're right that I've gotten so busy in my fears that I haven't been sitting down and doing the joy things of K5.  I got some cute books today at the library in the sale room that seem appropriate, so I see some fun ahead for us.  You're right that he's just now ready to enjoy some things he didn't fully appreciate earlier.  One was a book of activities to go with nursery rhymes.  He can actually SAY them now, so that would be fun!  And that would get some of my wistfulness out of my system and give him things he'd enjoy.  

 

I appreciated ALL the answers.  I'm just sort of worn out.  Thank you so much.  I WILL arm myself with the shield of truth (all the stuff I like and have done and that I'm using an eclectic mix with him) and NOT let people rattle me.  I will be IMPREGNABLE!  I've got the impregnate-able down, just gotta get down the impregnable.   :lol:   

[mommymonster]

I'm going to embarrass myself here, but I have a mantra that I use to remind myself to not over-share:  "I don't bleed for you." 

[PeterPan]

I'm going to embarrass myself here, but I have a mantra that I use to remind myself to not over-share:  "I don't bleed for you." 

That is totally profound. You're so right.

[kbutton]

I'm way late to the party, but  :grouphug:  :grouphug: . I remember the first week of college..."What is your major?" I didn't know, and once I knew, I changed it two more times. My parents had to basically kick me out of the house because I was sure I was going to waste their money for four years and come home in disgrace. I stumble all over myself if I am talking to older HS students or college students and trying to get to know them--I want to express interest, but I don't want to hurt their feelings if they are in that place. You'd think I would've made peace about it nearly 20 years after being a college freshman. I haven't.

 

When we are sensitive about something, we often see 100 irksome ways to answer the question that leave us unsatisfied. I am glad you now have several possible phrases to trot out when necessary. You can do it! 

[suenos]

Aw your post OhElizabeth and y'alls replies have helped me this week!  Thanks for sharing!

 

DS has just started wanting to do stuff that makes me think - wow, he'd be great for Kinder now (he's 7 - and sure kinder would be below him on some stuff, but dead on for other things - writing/drawing/interested in doing that for longer than 5 seconds). And then I think - how cool we get to do this together now!  Now I have days...so this thread is awesome for t-h-o-s-e days.  Lots of hugs on steeling yourself to questions while you get out a standard answer that satisfies all! 

 

 

 

[Storygirl]

Elizabeth, if it were me, my response to that question would vary, depending on who was asking. I'd give a different answer to a close friend or family member than I would to another homeschooling mom that was just an acquaintance than I would to a random stranger in the store. I'm naturally a very honest and polite person, so it has been hard to teach myself that I don't owe anyone an answer just because they asked a nosy question.

 

My kids were adopted internationally and are obviously not biologically related to me, so occasionally we get questions (less now that they are older than when they were babies and toddlers). My tendency is to feel that I should give a complete and honest answer to any question someone asks, but the truth is that I don't really have to do it. Sometimes people don't realize that their questions are insensitive, so I do want to be gracious and not give snarky responses. The problem is that these questions tend to come out of the blue, so it can help to think through ahead of time what you might say.

 

I decided to start calling my three youngest kindergarteners when they were six, not five, for various reasons, even though I had done several years of schoolwork with them by that time.  It is perfectly acceptable to do two years of "kindergarten" with your son if you don't think he will be ready to be considered a first grader next year. So yes, you can call him any grade that you want, regardless of the curriculum level that you are using, but that becomes trickier in high school when you want to use materials that can be appropriate for high school credit. I know it can be hard to project, but if you think that he probably would be better off if you graduate him at age 19 instead of 18, I'd continue to call him a kindergartener next year as well as this. I think skipping a grade in middle school to get him back on schedule to graduate at 18 is easier than deciding at that point that he is not going to be ready for high school work when he hits ninth grade and needs an extra year.

 

I hope that makes sense, because I'm tired and should be in bed. I'm sorry you are feeling distress over this. I guess my practical advice is to say he's on the first year of what you think might be two years of kindergarten if it is someone that you will have an ongoing relationship with. If it is someone that you see infrequently or will never see again, I'd just either say kindergarten and leave it at that, or say that he's five and as a homeschooler you are not worried about assigning a grade level at this time. My emotional advice is to tell yourself that you don't owe anyone a complete answer just because they ask you a personal question.

 

:grouphug:

[PeterPan]

Storygirl, I had not thought about two years of K5!  You're right, that makes total sense.  We can say K5 this year and if the psych comes back saying xyz, we can K5 again.  I hadn't even thought of it that way.  Thanks for sharing, as usual!  :)

[geodob]

It seems that these 'questions' have been taken as criticisms, that require a defense?

While nearly everyone has heard of 'homeschooling', most people have little if any understanding of how it works?

Other than it is done at home, instead of school.

 

So that with the question of: 'What curriculum do you use ?

If this is question is looked at from the position of people who know nothing about HSing?

They don't whether the local Educ Dept sends you a curriculum that you must follow?

Or whether you are able to put together your own curriculum?

 

If you are able to put your own curriculum together?

How do you go about deciding what materials/ programs to use?

 

But then with the question about grade?

What I find interesting, is that if I try to recall when I was 7 or 8 or 9?

What I actually recall are the grades when I turned that age?

My concept of 9, is grade 3.

 

Which is framed within a classroom and teacher, and time-frame.

Where their is a sense of completion, as a student moves up to the next classroom and a new teacher.

 

So that I might rather turn the question: "What grade is your boy?"

Around to the question of how important it is, for a Hsled child.

To have a sense of what grade they are up to?

 

How important it is, to their personal identity?

When a 7 year old meets another 7 year old?

Do they ask 'how old you are ?'

It is more likely, 'what grade are you in ?'

 

So that with these questions that were posed?

Rather than looking for reflexive answers?

They need to be recognized as an opportunity to explore and understand the explanation.

[clemota]

"His vocabulary puts him at a 7th grade level, but I try not to be too proud about it."  :D 

 

 

 

The questions never end {{hugs}}. I've learned how to read people quickly, so I can either give then the "real" answer, or the snarky answer.  

 

I can't add much more to what PPs have said but wanted to say that 2e kids are wonderful but they don't fit into people's preconceived notions about how children learn.  And for some reason it's very hard for people to accept that some kids are truly different.