KidsHappen Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 My pregnanat dd drove from Atlanta to TN to go to the funeral in TX with us. She was sick every day, lost ten pounds and got very dehydrated. The baby's heart beat is fine though and he/she is moving around plenty so all is good there. 14 yr. old dd got an ear infection and we had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night in route and then find an all night pharmacy which wasn't easy in a strange town. She spent the next week throwing up as well and also got dehydrated. Bi-polar dd is not handling the stress well and is barely holding things together. All of the girls were exposed to the same cousins that gave them lice last year. As far as I can tell they didn't get them this time (Thank God). I had a very upset stomach and was nausous (sp?) for the first ten days and lost ten pounds (which I couldn't afford to lose) and got dehydrated as well. Also hurt my back pretty badly moving furniture and finally got an infection and had to have my dr. call a prescription in to a pharmacy here. All of my regular prescriptions ran out and I had to have the refills mailed here. Dh had to leave immediately after the funeral to fly to his new job to do a critical upgrade so I have been doing all of this without him. I have to drive home alone and I do not travel well. Emotionally we all handled the passing fairly well even though it was a complete shock. Mom was in poor health, getting kind of senile and not able to care for herself very well. She passed on the 11th and my one brother wasn't able to make it here until the 17th so the funeral was a little later than we would have liked and mom was not looking as good as she could have. Mom was a hoarder so she had three 24 ft. trucks full of stuff that had to be moved. She had six desks, five dining room sets, at least that many bedroom sets and so much more. She has enough clothes to clothe a small country and probably every toy we have ever owned. Also nothing was sorted. She would have a jar full of shells with a diamond ring buried in it. The jewelry box wasn't holding any of the family jewels. Everything has to be gone through with a fine tooth comb and of course nothing has ever been cleaned. We all have major allergy attacks just walking in the house. She also has eight cats that we can't find homes for. No one lives here so none of us can take them. And all of the shelters say that they will put them to sleep if they can find homes for them so they are still at her house. We have to move them soon though because the city has bought her house (which she was renting) and they are moving it to a heritage village. The movers have already showed up to access moving it. I am doing all of the cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and shopping and I have the easiest job. Of course every day I clean out the kitchen and other spaces so that I can work and every night they fill the spaces up with more stuff from the old house. There are so many people here that there is not enough spaces for everyone to sleep. I can even walk in my room and there are kids sleeping on pallets in the closets. And this will be finacially devestating. I had no idea how much it costs to have a funeral. We didn't have life insurance for her. The funeral and cremation was $7000 and apparently this was cheaper than burying her in a cemetary plot. We spent $1000 on hotel rooms the first week we were here because there was no where else to go. $500 for a rental car because we need two cars to all get here and then about $1000 to feed everyone because there are so many people and it was awhile before we had dishes and a functioning kitchen. Plus I had to feed everyone after the funeral. Between this an the month with out income because of my dh changing jobs we wiped out our entire 401K and will have some debt. And I am thankful that we will be able to make it through the next two months. I have to leave day after tomorrow because a psychiatric appointment on Friday and I really think that I need it! I have company coming to my house on the third. Luckily my dh is back home and is cleaning for me so basically all I will have to do is shop for groceries when I get home. After this is all over I plan to sleep for a week and then we will have to hit the books and make up for all of the lost school time. I am really considering letting the two youngest go to school next year. The child who was here all along is going to stay here for two more weeks to help my brother and because I really don't want him to stay here alone. Plus the lady that she was staying with just got out of the hospital from major surgery so she is needing help as well. I am really proud of the older two. They are really showing their maturity. The have been busting but, handling the stress and holding themselves together very well. I don't know what we would have done without them. Well I guess that's all for now. I need to get back to work. Continued well wishes and prayers please and thank you guys so much for all of the support before. It really meant alot to me (brought tears to my eyes). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Wow. That is overwhelming on so many levels! Emotional, medical, family, physical...... Be gentle and kind to yourself. If you were to add up the "stress points" for your life right now, you'd be off the scale. {{many hugs}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell in SC Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 (((Kids Happen))) Death's are always so difficult. My bi-polar DD lost her grandfather on her 17th b-day and it took much therapy for her. I will say a prayer for you and your entire family!!!!! shell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacqui in mo Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 (((KidsHappen))), Praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 You know how they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Well, you're gonna be SuperWoman after this! Really, I can't imagine all the stress you're under. :( Don't worry about the school work now - work through this, grieve, rest, then get back to the books. About the cats - maybe you could ask a local vet for help placing them, or at least put up a flyer in their office offering the kitties to good homes. you're in my thoughts, take care of yourself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 That sounds incredibly overwhelming. Sending lots of good thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
periwinkle Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 The cats' best option would be a no-kill shelter if there is one in the state. Check here: http://www.saveourstrays.com/nokill.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy in NH Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Sorry that you are going through all this. Nancy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I'm so sorry for all you're dealing with. It's a stressful thing to lose a parent. I will be adding your name to my prayer list. Keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I am sorry it's so intense right now. I pray you have the energy to move through this and that God will comfort you as you grieve. ((( ))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 It's so very rare that elderly people plan for the difficulties that those left behind will face when they're gone. My MIL left funds for her funeral and travel expenses for those who had to come, but we filled EIGHT long construction dumpsters getting the house cleaned out. Most of the furniture was damaged by insects or water and had to be ditched. Frankly in some areas we had to make hard decision in the interest of our time and sanity that made some of the relatives involved very angry. We couldn't make cleaning out my MIL's house a year-long project of going through every little thing. We did it in two weeks, and that was that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 That's been quite a load on you, hasn't it? I hope you can get some peace, rest, and quiet to recharge yourself. Prayers dear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Readsalot Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 What an incredible amount of emotional and physical stress. Please take care of yourself as well as you can though all of this, I know it is hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 what a terrible ordeal for you all. Prayers for strength and health and wisdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wide eyes & laughter Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Have added you to my prayer list for the week! I can't imagine.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle T Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Wow, what an incredible load of stress. ((((((Kidshappen))))) Prayers for you and your family. Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Goodness, I just don't know what to say. ((Kidshappen)) I wish I were closer, so I could lend a hand or bring over supper or run around town looking for homes for the cats. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 You have permission to go insane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pster Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 you poor thing..... I can't imagine..... mere cyber hugs seem so little! You have had an incredibly stressful time here and I hope things start turning around for you soon. You and your family will be in my prayers - ((((KidsHappen))) have a real good cry and let some stress go~~~ (helps me some times!) take care of yourself~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Cry!! Get yourself into one of those closets (boot out the kid on the pallet), with one of the too few pillows and scream if you must. Take a twenty minute walk. Do find a way to release this, somehow -- at least until you can get to that appointment. You must be on the brink of exploding! One day at a time. One project at a time. Big breaths. Get yourself home and back to something that feels more like normal (though 'normal' has been rather elusive hasn't it?). Somehow it will all fit together, settle down, become less stressful. It just has to. I'm sorry!!! Hang in there, dear. You remain in my thoughts. Doran Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamagistra Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 (((KH)))...hugs and prayers to you. What an incredible load for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Thinking of you. {{{KH}}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Volty Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 This sounds rough. Do your best to get through this difficult time. We're all pulling for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Oh, my goodness, (((KH))). I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LN in WI Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 What a struggle! Please know my prayers are with you for moments of peace and grace in the days ahead. Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in AR Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 (((KidsHappen))) I am so very sorry. I'll be praying for you and your family. I can't imagine being under that stress load. Please try to take care of yourself, too; I know that won't be easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 No advice, just big huge hugs!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Oh my. Any one of your issues would be overwhelming. You're in overtime overwhelming. Hugs to you. So is all her stuff coming to your house? I can't imagine. I guess it will have to get sorted from there? When my dh's grandparents died (within 5 days of each other, in their 90s), dh's mom and aunt rented a dumpster - they actually filled two of them, throwing stuff out of the upstairs windows. They gave away 300 hats from his grandmother - the little local theatre was thrilled. Take a deep breath. Do the next thing. Still it sounds so overwhelming. Hugs again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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