“Protest behavior”

[heartlikealion]

All right don’t freak out but I’m going out tonight with a guy. I got bored and started playing on the dating apps last night. When he asked what I was looking for I said friendship first and he said same (maybe he’s lying) and asked me to join him for dinner. I’ll let you guys know if it was a nice outing or a disaster but either way… I’m getting out of the house lol 

I can see your faces now: 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[WildflowerMom]

I'm not freaking out, I get it.    I hope he ends up being normal and good friend (and maybe more) material!  

[heartlikealion]

I am not going into it with any expectations but just fyi he has kids and they live with his ex. 

[marbel]

4 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I am not going into it with any expectations but just fyi he has kids and they live with his ex. 

Good plan (expectations). Let us know how it goes! 

[ktgrok]

4 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

All right don’t freak out but I’m going out tonight with a guy. I got bored and started playing on the dating apps last night. When he asked what I was looking for I said friendship first and he said same (maybe he’s lying) and asked me to join him for dinner. I’ll let you guys know if it was a nice outing or a disaster but either way… I’m getting out of the house lol 

I can see your faces now: 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I think it is great. Just be safe (you know that already, I know...but gotta say it anyway, lol), and remember that you are NOT trying to impress him or win him over. You are checking out if HE interests YOU. And not in a "well, there isn't much wrong with him" or "he's good on paper" but in a "wow, he's amazing' way. And if he's not, well, you got a night out and an ego boost most likely. And worst case, if it is awful, it's a funny story some day 🙂

man...I have some of those, lol. 

[ktgrok]

As far as hobbies, any interest in D&D or other role playing games? In the people I know in real life, those that do D&D tend to have the most friends, and do the most together - especially when you consider it isn't that expensive (I don't think?). Something about that group of people - they have snacks and meet up at houses or at places designed for that kind of thing. I'm not sure how you find a group, but I bet maybe the library would be willing to host one? I know ours does. 

[fairfarmhand]

I wonder if one thing you are running into with people is that the idea they have of themselves is not the same as their reality. I mean, yeah someone can say that they want to be exclusive, and they really want the perks that come with that, but they don't necessarily want the responsibility of that kind of thing. 

I tell my kids that people can't be more honest with you than they are with themselves. So I don't know that I'd look at this kind of stuff as lying per se. It's just that they think they know what they want and who they are but in reality, they don't necessarily or they haven't thought it through completely yet.

[heartlikealion]

I’m not even excited. The guy was blowing up my phone too much today 🤣

I’ve got exactly one clean black bath towel and I’m probably gonna dye my gray hair before I go out and hope I don’t stain up my new bathroom. Covering my gray always helps me feel more confident. I’m not doing it for this rando but for myself. 

I talked to another guy online but we decided we weren’t compatible. He described himself as demisexual (not judging but with all these different terms it’s even harder to navigate dating to me). 

[Ginevra]

9 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I will say I like to go to these clubs with goth nights (goth, synth, ebm, industrial etc). But I can’t ever get anyone to commit to go with me. The event starts tonight at 10 but I probably won’t go because I work Sat morning. It’s a pain to get there, find parking etc. I worry about my safety if I go alone (walking to my car). 

I am trying to meet friends that want to go dancing but it’s hard. 

Have you tried out Bumble bff? My dd used this app to find platonic friends who like to hike, ski and go to clubs. This has been great for her as she moved to a state far from home where she initially knew essentially no one but her husband. 
 

Also, I think dancing is a good fit for someone who likes touch. If you could do ballroom dancing or country dancing or whatever, you might enjoy that. Or you could do a Krav Maga self-defense class like I’m doing. Believe me, you’ll have all the physical contact you can stand, lol. 

[heartlikealion]

4 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

Have you tried out Bumble bff? My dd used this app to find platonic friends who like to hike, ski and go to clubs. This has been great for her as she moved to a state far from home where she initially knew essentially no one but her husband. 
 

Also, I think dancing is a good fit for someone who likes touch. If you could do ballroom dancing or country dancing or whatever, you might enjoy that. Or you could do a Krav Maga self-defense class like I’m doing. Believe me, you’ll have all the physical contact you can stand, lol. 

Oh the dancing clubs I go to everyone kinda dances individually, not like holding each other. But I just like the music & dressing up. I might meet some locals organically now that I’m here.

I’ve tried the bff part of the app before and it never worked for me. Never met anyone in person. 

I can’t really explain. I’m not a touchy person except in romantic situations lol I’m like go away don’t touch me haha 

Edited December 1, 2023 by heartlikealion

[Ginevra]

3 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Oh the dancing clubs I go to everyone kinda dances individually, not like holding each other. But I just like the music & dressing up. I might meet some locals organically now that I’m here.

I’ve tried the bff part of the app before and it never worked for me. Never met anyone in person. 

I can’t really explain. I’m not a touchy person except in romantic situations lol I’m like go away don’t touch me haha 

I get the dressing up part. I like dressing up, too, even if there aren’t that many opportunities to do so when you’re 52. 
 

For Halloween, I went to a dinner theater concert dressed as Wednesday Addams from when she went to the Rav’n dance in the Netflix movie. God, that was fun! My friend was David Bowie and we won a gift card for our costumes. 

[maize]

8 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

 I like dressing up, too, even if there aren’t that many opportunities to do so when you’re 52. 
 

My friends who are into cosplay seem to find plenty of opportunities!

[Ginevra]

1 minute ago, maize said:

My friends who are into cosplay seem to find plenty of opportunities!

That’s good to hear! I think it’s seen as pretty weird except for Renn Faire. I mean, it’s weird at Renn Faire too, but everybody there digs it so it’s probably not an issue. 

[Rosie_0801]

49 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I talked to another guy online but we decided we weren’t compatible. He described himself as demisexual (not judging but with all these different terms it’s even harder to navigate dating to me). 

Maybe you're not compatible, but I would have thought demisexual a fine thing.

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

Maybe you're not compatible, but I would have thought demisexual a fine thing.

That part wasn’t necessarily a deal breaker. He just likes to stay home and wants to move to the country 🤣

[heartlikealion]

Ok well my ex called to check in and the guy I was supposed to eat dinner with got stuck in heavy traffic and canceled but I don’t really care. 

[Heartstrings]

5 hours ago, ktgrok said:

As far as hobbies, any interest in D&D or other role playing games? In the people I know in real life, those that do D&D tend to have the most friends, and do the most together - especially when you consider it isn't that expensive (I don't think?). Something about that group of people - they have snacks and meet up at houses or at places designed for that kind of thing. I'm not sure how you find a group, but I bet maybe the library would be willing to host one? I know ours does. 

I can 2nd this. DND is practically free if someone else DMs and DNDers are a social bunch.   My husband plays at the local game store and if I let him he’d be able to play 4 or 5 nights a week. (We agree to 2 nights a week for DND plus a card game night) My daughter plays every other Sunday and one son plays a different game weekly.  

Edited December 2, 2023 by Heartstrings

[Shoeless]

Putting in my vote for D&D people, too. Comic and game shops often have game nights at the shop where everyone meets up to play. 

[heartlikealion]

I never found the appeal. I’ve watched people play on tv and stuff. It’s just not for me. 

[Heartstrings]

46 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I never found the appeal. I’ve watched people play on tv and stuff. It’s just not for me. 

Even if DND isn’t really for you, those “nerd” stores are a good place to find good guys.  Sure, there’s a fair bit of misogynistic guys there, as there is everywhere, but a lot are kinda nerdy guys with kinda nerdy jobs (that usually pay well) with fun, social personalities. They’re usually also into movies or reading.  If you can find a game/card/comic book store ithsts going to be a good place to look for guys.  They usually have more than just DND, like board games, trivia, movie nights, different kinds of card games, different RPGs, even Pokémon and Yu-Gi-O that might interest your kids.  Just a thought.   If I was ever single and wanted to date I’d start looking there.   

[heartlikealion]

25 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Even if DND isn’t really for you, those “nerd” stores are a good place to find good guys.  Sure, there’s a fair bit of misogynistic guys there, as there is everywhere, but a lot are kinda nerdy guys with kinda nerdy jobs (that usually pay well) with fun, social personalities. They’re usually also into movies or reading.  If you can find a game/card/comic book store ithsts going to be a good place to look for guys.  They usually have more than just DND, like board games, trivia, movie nights, different kinds of card games, different RPGs, even Pokémon and Yu-Gi-O that might interest your kids.  Just a thought.   If I was ever single and wanted to date I’d start looking there.   

I’ve walked around comic stores, anime stores, book stores and the like. Not to meet guys but just for various reasons. I have never been like man! I want to meet that guy. The cute nerds are never in there I guess 🤣

kinda like they say men should meet women in target. But the odds of actually meeting someone in your 20 min venture? Not so promising. 

Edited December 2, 2023 by heartlikealion

[Shoeless]

.

Edited December 2, 2023 by Shoeless

[marbel]

7 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I’ve walked around comic stores, anime stores, book stores and the like. Not to meet guys but just for various reasons. I have never been like man! I want to meet that guy. The cute nerds are never in there I guess 🤣

kinda like they say men should meet women in target. But the odds of actually meeting someone in your 20 min venture? Not so promising. 

So, about a hundred years ago I met my husband via a social group for nerds. I wasn't a nerd, but I worked for a nerd company. Anyway, there were a lot of guys there that probably most people wouldn't be all "oooh, look at him, I want to meet him." Some women like that too. But they were mostly pretty nice guys, if a little low on the social skills and maybe not all great dressers, not great looking, etc.  But once you got to know them, you could see they were good men, would be good husband/long-term partners, not cheaters, etc. (And I'll just add, had good jobs/incomes.)

Anyway, I invited a coworker to join me once. She had suffered a string of bad boyfriends and was interested in trying a new way to find someone. She seemed to have a good time talking to people but the next day at work said she wouldn't go back, none of the guys were good looking enough. Four years later, when I quit my job, she was still struggling to find a good guy. 

In the meantime, several marriages happened in that group. I noticed a lot of the guys getting better haircuts, dressing better. Have you ever noticed that how well you like someone can have a bearing on how good they look to you? When I met my husband, he was just one of these nerdy guys, kinda meh looking. As time went on, he became the handsomest man in the room. 

Long story, but that memory hit. If you like games, you may want to give a group a try a few times, not just a quick onceover of the guys who happen to be in the stores at the time you go browsing (for games, not guys). 💗

[heartlikealion]

I’m not wired that way at all. I’m not wired to like someone because they are safe and have steady income. I have to be attracted (and have common ground).

Everyone says have you given coffee another chance? It’s an acquired taste. No, I don’t want to try to acquire a taste. If it happened organically I get it — women DO change how they feel about men based on certain things. With men it’s usually there or not there. Not based on what we did. So I’ve heard. 

I have been SO turned off by gaming guys, anyway. I do not want to compete with their hobby/obsession. Not hang out and play in the comic shop. It’s cool if others do!

I dated a Twitch streamer and that started interfering with our plans even though I’d say just don’t invite me over on a streaming night. He started adding streaming sessions. 

Xh was always glued to a tv, VR set, PC game, cell phone. 

I know some guys are into anime and I’m open to it but I haven’t liked anime since Tenchi Muyo! when I was younger and I don’t pay for the anime streaming services. 

[ktgrok]

5 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I’m not wired that way at all. I’m not wired to like someone because they are safe and have steady income. I have to be attracted (and have common ground).

Everyone says have you given coffee another chance? It’s an acquired taste. No, I don’t want to try to acquire a taste. If it happened organically I get it — women DO change how they feel about men based on certain things. With men it’s usually there or not there. Not based on what we did. So I’ve heard. 

I have been SO turned off by gaming guys, anyway. I do not want to compete with their hobby/obsession. Not hang out and play in the comic shop. It’s cool if others do!

I dated a Twitch streamer and that started interfering with our plans even though I’d say just don’t invite me over on a streaming night. He started adding streaming sessions. 

Xh was always glued to a tv, VR set, PC game, cell phone. 

I know some guys are into anime and I’m open to it but I haven’t liked anime since Tenchi Muyo! when I was younger and I don’t pay for the anime streaming services. 

From my experience gamers as in video games are VERY different from gamers as in tabletop games. Tabletop gamers are not constantly gaming/playing - they can't, it's something you have to physically get together with people to do! Gamers as in video games? that's a whole other thing, can be very addictive, and yes, often men will prioritize it over anything else. 

I always sort of made fun of the D&D type folks - seemed totally lame to me to "play pretend" like that. Plus...sort of nerdy. Truly thought it was lame. I still don't have a deep seated interest in it - BUT - I found out that a lot of my favorite casual, fun, interesting friends are into D&D! Knowing them first before I knew they were into D&D helped me take a second look at the whole thing, plus now my DD13 is playing. It's actually mostly people who are intelligent and creative - most of the same people I know that do D&D also do cosplay stuff, have cool crafting hobbies, read a lot of books, etc. For them, D&D is 75% about hanging out with other smart, creative, interesting people (and laughing a lot) and at MOST 25% about the actual game. And that part is about being silly and creative and problem solving and such. 

And it is no longer just weird guys that can't get a date, like I kind of sterotyped it as - lots of women there too, married people, single people, etc. They just like having a creative way to have fun. 

Might be worth a try, anyway. 

[marbel]

1 hour ago, ktgrok said:

It's actually mostly people who are intelligent and creative - most of the same people I know that do D&D also do cosplay stuff, have cool crafting hobbies, read a lot of books, etc.

This is really the point I should have made above about the social group of nerds I belonged to. Besides being steady guys with good jobs, they were educated and fun and interesting - and also interested in other people. I remember people who traveled a lot, a guy who sailed; there was a subgroup that went hiking a lot. 

7 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I’m not wired that way at all. I’m not wired to like someone because they are safe and have steady income. I have to be attracted (and have common ground).

Yeah, I get that, and I didn't do a good job making my point. It wasn't/isn't just about security (relational and financial). It was about meeting people and getting to know them in order to find the common ground on which to build a relationship. In my experience, attraction can be instant or it can come later. For me, it has worked out best when it came later, but YMMV on that. 

And to be honest, knowing early on that someone can be counted on to be faithful and true... well, to me, that counts for a lot. Having been married to someone who just wasn't. 

[heartlikealion]

My ex called last night to touch base (which felt like an eternity as it’s been a week and I said I didn’t think I was gonna hear from him). He assured me he still cares (whatever that means. As a friend? Or more? I don’t pry anymore. I don’t want to look needy and insecure). 

I have been chatting with a couple guys online but don’t want a boyfriend over night. Trying to get to know people and not sure how I feel. One is a professor? Teacher? I dunno what term. But he’s on his holiday break and we’ve been chatting. He asked to meet up but I don’t know when we will. 

[KSera]

On 12/1/2023 at 1:16 AM, Innisfree said:

You’re of an age where you have young children. The guys you want to date are, too. Responsible fathers are going to make their children their priority. That’s not a negative trait. Those are precisely the people who will make good, committed partners, but they may not be able to do that right now. 

Agree. I know a couple different people who divorced while their kids were minors and committed at that time they weren’t going to bring romantic partners into their kids’ lives until the kids had grown. As you say, they are precisely the people who will make good partners to someone, because they are willing to make sacrifices and commitments for those they love. 

On 12/1/2023 at 5:20 AM, heartlikealion said:

I don’t expect a partner to satisfy every need. I just would like a partner to share time with, activities, meals, etc. And intimacy. 

New friends are fine! But I leave feeling lonely too so it’s not the same. 

 

On 12/1/2023 at 6:03 AM, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know how to explain. I can have deep conversations with a female friend but it’s not a replacement for the type I want. I’m not gonna cuddle with her, kwim? 

It seems difficult to find what you’re looking for if you’re wanting to find intimacy with someone but not wanting to start with just friend-finding type activities where you might find a friend that grows into a relationship. Starting right out as a romantic relationship seems less likely to lead to the kind of committed relationship you also seem to be looking for. 

[Shoeless]

3 hours ago, KSera said:

It seems difficult to find what you’re looking for if you’re wanting to find intimacy with someone but not wanting to start with just friend-finding type activities where you might find a friend that grows into a relationship. Starting right out as a romantic relationship seems less likely to lead to the kind of committed relationship you also seem to be looking for.

Also, making friends with women can lead to introductions to nice men!  If you have enough women friends, odds are that one of them will have a single cousin, brother, BIL that they'd love to introduce you to. 

 

[Heartstrings]

6 hours ago, Shoeless said:

Also, making friends with women can lead to introductions to nice men!  If you have enough women friends, odds are that one of them will have a single cousin, brother, BIL that they'd love to introduce you to. 

 

And having friends and an active social life make you more attractive and interesting.  

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Heartstrings said:

And having friends and an active social life make you more attractive and interesting.  

I fought to have some semblance of a social life in rural MS. It just wasn’t always worth it. I’d drive 45 min each way to play a 3 hr trivia game with friends. They met weekly but I’d go 1-2x a month? Several of those friends were married. I never met anyone at the restaurants. It was to get me out of the house. I do force myself out of the house etc but many times afterwards I think was it worth the gas and dinner? Going out is expensive. 

I go out alone, too. I’m not embarrassed to eat in a fast food booth alone, see a movie alone, etc. 

I feel like introductions are wishful thinking and problematic if it doesn’t work out lol

[maize]

16 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

 

I feel like introductions are wishful thinking and problematic if it doesn’t work out lol

They are certainly no guarantee,  but nothing ever is.

The anxiety voice in our brain discourages us from trying things because of possible future failures...but never trying is of course the way to guarantee failure.

In any case, the point of making friends isn't to guarantee a future romance, it's to be out forming relationships with people and living life. The doing is the goal.

That said, if I ever end up single and living alone I will probably happily embrace alone time. I earned the nickname hermit from my family by the time I was 12 because I'm quite content to sit with a book or dig in the garden, and find peopling more stressful than not 😊

Edited December 3, 2023 by maize

[heartlikealion]

I would enjoy my time alone at home more if I had my couch, tv, wifi and sewing machine lol

Right now I’m trying to figure out the most efficient way to get my stuff here soon. I work M-F and dd comes Friday night. If I tried to drive today I could only get a car load or I’d make a million trips to load and unload and return a trailer then come home. 😵‍💫😵‍💫

I’m asking my friend if I could pay her bf to put my couch in his truck and bring it! 

[heartlikealion]

I met up with my old roommate. She’s one of the only other people I know in the area. Once my home is more in order I’ll invite her over. We went to a donut/coffee shop type place today. 

[Scarlett]

Hi Heart.  Just now catching up with this thread.  
 

When I was single, I wasn’t really looking for my friends to set me up. But that is precisely what happened.  I had very few questions before I agreed to meet him.1) why is he divorced? (Cheating wife) 2) does he see his children as much as is possible by law? (Yes)

I wasn’t able to see a pic before meeting him but the wife half of our mutual friends  said he was ‘very tall and very handsome’. She was right.  
 

I focused very hard on determining if HE  was good for me….not just was he interested in me. Our relationship moved very quickly and although many say that is a red flag I knew it wasn’t.  We were just wanting the same things.  A loyal, fun partner who was part of our shared faith.  We were also physically attracted to each other.  I had known his much younger brother for 10 years and turns out we also had many many mutual friends.  I made many phone calls asking questions about him to see if his reputation matched his story to me.  It did.  I also googled him and looked him up in court records. I found nothing that contradicted his words to me.

I had made a top ten list when I was newly single and he checked every single box.  
 

We married 10 weeks after we met.  13 years ago. 

[Scarlett]

Sorry I got a little side tracked  there but what I wanted to end with is that it is very important to know yourself and what your needs are.  It makes it a lot easier to pass on men who will not be a fit for you.  

Edited December 5, 2023 by Scarlett

[heartlikealion]

I’m not so down anymore 😊 I’ve talked to a handful of guys online but not particularly excited about anyone. They already seem flakey lol Asking me to get a drink “sometime” with no dates in mind. Sending a hello text and not replying again. Like whatever I don’t want 3 sentences every 4 days. GTFOH. 

I matched with a guy on Bumble and the app only gives you so many hours to respond. See… the app knows we don’t wanna waste our time 🤣

I’ve been so exhausted and busy, too. 

[heartlikealion]

Coworker and I have a lot in common… he was playing a goth band this morning and I asked if he goes to the events. He said sometimes. So we are gonna go together as friends sometime. 

[heartlikealion]

These guys are the worst lol 

The college professor took a week to set a day/time for our date. I tried to confirm today that I should drive straight there after work tomorrow or what and he said it’s actually a bad night because a friend asked him to hang around before their sleep study. 

I have heard it all (different guys)🤣🤣

Canceled on for video games, traffic, and now a sleep study. I refused to agree to meet on Wed. I work too late that night. And I have my own plans Thursday. You may not value my time but I do. 😆

[YaelAldrich]

You do need to value yourself before some random guy. 

[heartlikealion]

So I met this guy. We had a lot in common. I wasn’t like “oh my gosh, he’s hot” but he was ok and grew more on me. A little nerdy. Non smoker (seems so hard to find here). He invested… he texted (not every single day), we got to know each other over a few weeks. He even bought some small stuff for me and my kids at Christmas. Then I was rejected out of the blue. He says he wants to stay friends (they always say that bs. Like even if they mean it how do you go about that? Seems like reliving rejection). 

Whyyyyyy is everything so hard?! Why lead me on? 
This is rhetorical. And no it wasn’t about $ex. That never happened. 

I’m so frustrated. And yes I know it’s probably dumb to care when you’ve barely known each other but I’m so sick of starting from square 1. 

[Laura Corin]

3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

So I met this guy. We had a lot in common. I wasn’t like “oh my gosh, he’s hot” but he was ok and grew more on me. A little nerdy. Non smoker (seems so hard to find here). He invested… he texted (not every single day), we got to know each other over a few weeks. He even bought some small stuff for me and my kids at Christmas. Then I was rejected out of the blue. He says he wants to stay friends (they always say that bs. Like even if they mean it how do you go about that? Seems like reliving rejection). 

Whyyyyyy is everything so hard?! Why lead me on? 
This is rhetorical. And no it wasn’t about $ex. That never happened. 

I’m so frustrated. And yes I know it’s probably dumb to care when you’ve barely known each other but I’m so sick of starting from square 1. 

I'm sorry. That's hard.

He gave the relationship a good try but presumably it wasn't what he needed. So he got out before you were more invested.  You could see that as good behaviour.  He didn't ghost you, he ended it. He wasn't the right one and he helped you to see that.

I wish things were easier for you. You have so much going on. Maybe now isn't the time for dating, which - by its nature - involves some rejection. 

Best wishes.

Edited January 3 by Laura Corin
Clarity

[heartlikealion]

1 hour ago, Laura Corin said:

I'm sorry. That's hard.

He gave the relationship a good try but presumably it wasn't what he needed. So he got out before you were more invested.  You could see that as good behaviour.  He didn't ghost you, he ended it. He wasn't the right one and he helped you to see that.

I wish things were easier for you. You have so much going on. Maybe now isn't the time for dating, which - by its nature - involves some rejection. 

Best wishes.

No he didn’t ghost but I had to pry for closure. He canceled on me Friday night because he was sick. Texted me happy new year (presumably still home sick but not my business I guess) but then I found out he’d gone out NYE as he mentioned it in our convo when I asked if he wanted to still see me. Then I got the cliché friendship offer. He may sincerely be confused but that’s the same end result. If you’re confused about me, you don’t want me. 

[Scarlett]

Dating is for seeing if you are compatible.  I do wish they would learn. To say something like, ‘I am not feeling this is a good fit for me and I wish you well. ‘
 

I am sorry it is hard for you.  Personally I would get off the dating sights and just live my life in other ways. 

[heartlikealion]

8 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Dating is for seeing if you are compatible.  I do wish they would learn. To say something like, ‘I am not feeling this is a good fit for me and I wish you well. ‘
 

I am sorry it is hard for you.  Personally I would get off the dating sights and just live my life in other ways. 

We met IRL not through a site. I thought we were fairly compatible… he just pulled away. I dunno. 

[goldberry]

If you are using dating sites, I recommend a subscription to one of those background check services.  My daughter used that and it revealed so many weirdos!  Scary out there.

Another vote for nerds though.  I married a nerd (38 happy years), my daughter's now long-term bf is a nerd/gamer who is just graduating with pharmacy degree.  My niece found a lovely man after two failed relationships.. he's a D&D nerd.  Not very ambitious but NICEST and most unpretentious guy ever. Just sayin...  Some of them are indeed a little too weird, but the good ones are amazing.

[heartlikealion]

Weird isn’t the issue. I usually see that in their profile lol 

Consistency is the issue! Will they flake? Will they keep making plans? Will they invest? 

this guy seemed to… but got all confused about what he wanted supposedly 

[TexasProud]

On 12/11/2023 at 8:27 PM, YaelAldrich said:

You do need to value yourself before some random guy. 

 

5 hours ago, Scarlett said:

 Personally I would get off the dating sights and just live my life in other ways. 

Again...  I will give this advice.  You need to swear off dating for a minimum of a year.  Do not date until you can be completely happy with yourself and your life.   Until you don't really need it.  That is pretty much the only way you are going to find a healthy relationship.  If you are happy with yourself, you will not get so attached so quickly and just shrug off and be like, ok that guy wasn't interested. Glad I found out.  But seriously... forget men for at least a year, maybe longer. 

[marbel]

I don't know. Your recent experience sounds pretty typical to me. People date for a period of time, communicate regularly, and then something happens which makes one of the couple realize it's not right and not going to last. With Christmas in there, it's not crazy that gifts were bought.  It's too bad he wasn't more forthright about ending things though. 

As for being friends - I have been friends for years - decades! - with a guy I dated for a while. We had a ton of fun together and several common interests. But after a time, the superficial commonalities were eclipsed by deeper differences. We were not compatible for the long term, and though I was sad - I thought I was in love with him - I had to admit that the relationship wouldn't work well long term. We have maintained a friendship and though we haven't actually seen each other in years (living thousands of miles apart), we talk and text periodically. He came to my wedding! If he had ever gotten married, I'd have gone to his! 

 

[heartlikealion]

23 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

 

Again...  I will give this advice.  You need to swear off dating for a minimum of a year.  Do not date until you can be completely happy with yourself and your life.   Until you don't really need it.  That is pretty much the only way you are going to find a healthy relationship.  If you are happy with yourself, you will not get so attached so quickly and just shrug off and be like, ok that guy wasn't interested. Glad I found out.  But seriously... forget men for at least a year, maybe longer. 

I don’t think it will change in a year. I didn’t date for a year after the separation. I focused on my job, went to trivia night, tried meetup dot com, lost 60 lbs, went to individual and group therapy. 

I’m just unhappy alone. It fuckin sucks and I’m sorry other can’t relate. Actually glad you can’t relate. Must be nice