So this weird thing happened

[Scarlett]

I went to the bathroom during our Sunday services today. There are only 2  stalls. Someone was in the other stall and I saw instantly that I knew who it was.  I recognized the black sneakers which was unusual,  and long black skirt.  She flushed the toilet and stood. Then it got weird.  I saw her little feet turn and face one side of the stall and then the other…,,and I saw her black skirt move up and down.  I came out of the stall, washed my hands and left.  It so happened I was sitting by my husband in an attendants positions…very nearly the restroom. As soon as I saw her come out I went back and inspected the stall.  As suspected there were gauged marks on both sides of the stall.   To be sure I wasn’t losing mY mind I checked the floor and found the paint chips. I am 99% positive this person was vandalizing the stall doors.

This child has been in attendance maybe 2 times in 3 years.  I have always always feared her on some base level…. My boys too.  I can vividly remember her trying to climb on my boys when she was 10 and they were 15/16, in the pool, and how they put their hand out on her forehead to stop her. She was also accused of vandalizing another local bathroom at a restaurant we went to often on sundays.  I think she was 7 or 8 then.  

I have only told my husband. I don’t think I should tell anyone else. Thus telling y’all. 

Edited August 14, 2023 by Scarlett

[Frances]

I’m a little confused. How old is the person in question? A child or teen? How old were your boys when the pool incident occurred? 

It sounds like she has mental health issues. I would discuss it with someone in leadership at your church, so they can reach out to the parents and help her get the help she needs.

[popmom]

 

From my perspective I’d be concerned that there could be abuse going on. I wouldn’t go to church leadership. Wouldn’t go to the parents either.( Eta maybe this sounds dramatic—a kid who does something like this occasionally with no other weirdness—I wouldn’t be concerned, but since you said you and your child were scared of her…and she rarely shows up at church.)
 

How well do you know the family?
 

I would ask the young person about the incident myself —in a very non threatening way. “Hey…I noticed that you…are you okay? What’s up?” Then based on that response I might speak with the parents. 

Edited August 14, 2023 by popmom

[popmom]

On second thought…if the children’s director or youth minister knows the family…it might be helpful to speak to them about it. 
 

Often at my church those of us in the youth or children’s ministry team knew if a child was having problems. So you might be reassured that the parents know there’s a problem and are already addressing it. I don’t know. It’s tricky. I always hate the thought of getting a kid in trouble because I don’t trust a lot of parents would handle it in a healthy way. But that’s my own bias. 

Edited August 14, 2023 by popmom

[MercyA]

I would tell a trusted person in church leadership. 

[Scarlett]

She is 17.  I know her family very well. She was always a handful.  She has an older sister and older brother who are both very sweet people. I honestly don’t expect to see her again anytime soon.  So I am not sure if it is worth mentioning to anyone.

What she was accused of at the restaurant when she was 7 or 8 was a lot worse.  There was feces all over the walls.

[bolt.]

I feel a bit icky about the role of your accidental view of a washroom-neighbour's feet in this scenario. Surely she had an expectation of privacy? This strikes me as a clear scenario calling for you simply not to gossip. (You were accidentally privy to private goings-on.)

As a publicly accessible building where everyone is welcome to join services (and use the lavatory, should they need to) it's inevitable that the washrooms (or some other part of your building) was going to suffer minor damage at some point in time. Whether that damage was accidental or motivated either by malice or unwellness doesn't seem like it's an avenue of investigation that needs to be pursued especially not to the, "Actually I saw some suspicious ankles." -- level of nosiness.

I think you should consider this a bygone, wish everyone well (especially the teen you are suspicious of and/or concerned about), go about fixing the washroom if necessary, and never speak of it again.

Don't unnecessarily air an allegation of an embarrassing secret of a teenage family member of your faith community. This can only end in tears.

Edited August 14, 2023 by bolt.

[Scarlett]

14 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I feel a bit icky about the role of your accidental view of a washroom-neighbour's feet in this scenario. Surely she had an expectation of privacy? This strikes me as a clear scenario calling for you simply not to gossip. (You were accidentally privy to private goings-on.)

As a publicly accessible building where everyone is welcome to join services (and use the lavatory, should they need to) it's inevitable that the washrooms (or some other part of your building) was going to suffer minor damage at some point in time. Whether that damage was accidental or motivated either by malice or unwellness doesn't seem like it's an avenue of investigation that needs to be pursued especially not to the, "Actually I saw some suspicious ankles." -- level of nosiness.

I think you should consider this a bygone, wish everyone well (especially the teen you are suspicious of and/or concerned about), go about fixing the washroom if necessary, and never speak of it again.

Don't unnecessarily air an allegation of an embarrassing secret of a teenage family member of your faith community. This can only end in tears.

I think her expectation of privacy ended with her vandalizing the stall. But I do agree no good can come from telling anyone about it. 
 

When I first realized she wasn’t leaving the stall it barely registered. I thought she was probably on her phone. There was zero way for me NOT to see  she was turning and stopping and turning and that her skirt was moving up and down. I went back in to check hoping I could prove my suspicion false. 
 

This is the type of person that I would not be surprised if she burned someone’s house down. 

[J-rap]

51 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I feel a bit icky about the role of your accidental view of a washroom-neighbour's feet in this scenario. Surely she had an expectation of privacy? This strikes me as a clear scenario calling for you simply not to gossip. (You were accidentally privy to private goings-on.)

As a publicly accessible building where everyone is welcome to join services (and use the lavatory, should they need to) it's inevitable that the washrooms (or some other part of your building) was going to suffer minor damage at some point in time. Whether that damage was accidental or motivated either by malice or unwellness doesn't seem like it's an avenue of investigation that needs to be pursued especially not to the, "Actually I saw some suspicious ankles." -- level of nosiness.

I think you should consider this a bygone, wish everyone well (especially the teen you are suspicious of and/or concerned about), go about fixing the washroom if necessary, and never speak of it again.

Don't unnecessarily air an allegation of an embarrassing secret of a teenage family member of your faith community. This can only end in tears.

If you happen to see or smell someone doing illegal drugs in the next stall over, should you do nothing?  Or if you hear a parent abusing their child in the stall next to you, should you do nothing?  Where do you draw the line?  A restroom like this is a public space.  The dividers are meant to help people feel more comfortable when they use the toilet; they're not there so that people can privately do whatever they want.  

It sounds like this person is troubled, and I'd also suggest telling a trusted person in church leadership.  Just because you tell someone, it doesn't mean you're trying to bring her down or hurt her.  You can do it out of compassion, because It sounds like she needs help.  

 

[Scarlett]

Her behavior was so off the charts her entire childhood that her poor mom was constantly being told terrible things she had done. The girl is very very smart but also calculating and mean. But smiling as she does mean things. I have never trusted her. I always feared she would accuse my boys if something terrible. 

[Ditto]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Her behavior was so off the charts her entire childhood that her poor mom was constantly being told terrible things she had done. The girl is very very smart but also calculating and mean. But smiling as she does mean things. I have never trusted her. I always feared she would accuse my boys if something terrible. 

That is a dangerous and horrifying combo that leads me to some grave mental illness possibilities.

You were extremely smart to keep your boys away from her.  She absolutely would have accuse them if given the right circumstances and opportunity.

Stay far away.  Far, far away.

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Her behavior was so off the charts her entire childhood that her poor mom was constantly being told terrible things she had done. The girl is very very smart but also calculating and mean. But smiling as she does mean things. I have never trusted her. I always feared she would accuse my boys if something terrible. 

In this context, a little bathroom vandalism is small potatoes, and I wouldn’t worry about follow up. I might opt out of being in a bathroom at the same time if it can be helped.

[Scarlett]

36 minutes ago, kbutton said:

In this context, a little bathroom vandalism is small potatoes, and I wouldn’t worry about follow up. I might opt out of being in a bathroom at the same time if it can be helped.

Exactly.  And she never comes any more any way.

Edited August 14, 2023 by Scarlett

[Bootsie]

How extensive was the vandalism in the bathroom.  Is it something that anyone would notice if they walked into the stall?  If the vandalism is such that it would stand out, I would probably mention that I saw the existence of vandalism when I was in the restroom on Sunday to the building committee or someone else who would handle building and maintenance issues (especially if this is an area that person would be unlikely to visit).  I would do that before volunteering who I thought the culprit was. 

Also, is the behavior something you would have noticed if you had not recognized the person to be someone that you had concerns about?  I would let that guide how I reacted.  I am having a difficult time imagining how I would notice that someone in the stall next to me had their feet turning to the left and then to the right and that their skirt was moving up and down or I would assume that those were signs that the person was vandalizing the stall--I think I would assume they were adjusting a waistband, fidgeting while talking on a cell phone, if I even gave it a second thought.  

[Melissa in Australia]

Whole thing seems very weird to me

[Scarlett]

38 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

How extensive was the vandalism in the bathroom.  Is it something that anyone would notice if they walked into the stall?  If the vandalism is such that it would stand out, I would probably mention that I saw the existence of vandalism when I was in the restroom on Sunday to the building committee or someone else who would handle building and maintenance issues (especially if this is an area that person would be unlikely to visit).  I would do that before volunteering who I thought the culprit was. 

Also, is the behavior something you would have noticed if you had not recognized the person to be someone that you had concerns about?  I would let that guide how I reacted.  I am having a difficult time imagining how I would notice that someone in the stall next to me had their feet turning to the left and then to the right and that their skirt was moving up and down or I would assume that those were signs that the person was vandalizing the stall--I think I would assume they were adjusting a waistband, fidgeting while talking on a cell phone, if I even gave it a second thought.  

Maybe I am just observant but I instantly knew something was up. You don’t think you would notice if someone faced all sides of a stall for 20 seconds or so? And that the bottom of the skirt kept disappearing from view and reappearing? It was so very obvious she was reaching up. I wasn’t initially suspicious of her…. But it was very suspicious behavior. 
I won’t be saying anything though. 
The damage is not much. Dh went in later to check it and he said it wasn’t obviously vandalism. 

[Wheres Toto]

I don't see how you can be 100% sure that this girl is the one who made the scratches, but I do find it weird you noticed her feet so much.  Are the bottoms of the stall walls higher than normal?  

I also wonder what someone would think of me in a public restroom.   Picture - feet facing forward, skirt pulled down so can be seen, stand up, shuffle feet forward a little bit, turn slightly to one side, turn back forward and shuffle forward a bit more, skirt may "disappear" for a minute, turn sideways again, then skirt pulled up so it can't be seen, feet facing the back, turn around and leave.  

(sit down and pee, stand up, wipe, turn around to throw in toilet, forward again to reach for purse, pull out a pad, holding skirt over arm so it doesn't drag, unwrap the pad, turn around to throw out the wrapper, pull up skirt, turn around to flush, face forward to leave)

I can definitely picture other things that could be happening there.  

[Ting Tang]

Are you aware of ongoing vandalism?  That is a big span of years from the first couple of incidents to present day. And I am sorry, but could you hear something happening?

I would report vandalism to the church.  Everyone will need to pay for the repair, unfortunately.  Church staff could always make an announcement of some sort regarding the incident without even knowing who did it, just to make sure everyone knows it is unwelcome behavior.  If she did do it, maybe the parents will make their own determinations?  

[Shoeless]

You actually don't know that this person vandalized the stall. You saw someone you already don't like and view suspiciously and then later saw something that your DH says isn't obvious vandalism. 

Someone else could have vandalized the stall before she arrived. If she was gouging the walls, I would think n that would make a noise? Maybe she noticed the vandalism and was looking at it. 

But you don't know that she did it.

[Ausmumof3]

The two kids I know who smeared faeces and trashed the bathroom, one had autism, one had APD (and I suspect more but not yet diagnosed). Given the rest of her behaviour issues, is she possibly undiagnosed and struggling to cope? One of the kids I’m thinking of could also have been described in the way you’re describing but has improved with medication and therapies to help him cope. 

[Scarlett]

22 minutes ago, Wheres Toto said:

I don't see how you can be 100% sure that this girl is the one who made the scratches, but I do find it weird you noticed her feet so much.  Are the bottoms of the stall walls higher than normal?  

I also wonder what someone would think of me in a public restroom.   Picture - feet facing forward, skirt pulled down so can be seen, stand up, shuffle feet forward a little bit, turn slightly to one side, turn back forward and shuffle forward a bit more, skirt may "disappear" for a minute, turn sideways again, then skirt pulled up so it can't be seen, feet facing the back, turn around and leave.  

(sit down and pee, stand up, wipe, turn around to throw in toilet, forward again to reach for purse, pull out a pad, holding skirt over arm so it doesn't drag, unwrap the pad, turn around to throw out the wrapper, pull up skirt, turn around to flush, face forward to leave)

I can definitely picture other things that could be happening there.  

I guess you will just have to take my word for it that what I witnessed was NOTHING like what you described which is normal. 
I noticed her come in because she hasn’t been in a long long time. I noticed she was wearing black sneakers because no one wears sneakers. I did not say anything to anyone about my observations. But that is the thought process in my mind that led me to know who it was in the stall next to me. 

[Scarlett]

18 minutes ago, Shoeless said:

You actually don't know that this person vandalized the stall. You saw someone you already don't like and view suspiciously and then later saw something that your DH says isn't obvious vandalism. 

Someone else could have vandalized the stall before she arrived. If she was gouging the walls, I would think n that would make a noise? Maybe she noticed the vandalism and was looking at it. 

But you don't know that she did it.

But I really do know it was her.  I saw the paint chips. I had hoped my suspicion was wrong but it wasn’t. I won’t tell anyone because it isn’t worth it. But i find it so so weird. 

[Innisfree]

39 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

But I really do know it was her.  I saw the paint chips.

Did you see the paint chips fall?

If not, then it’s possible someone had done the damage earlier.

 I can understand why you have concerns about the girl, but it sounds like she needed professional help years ago. I hope she got appropriate care.

[katilac]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Maybe I am just observant but I instantly knew something was up. You don’t think you would notice if someone faced all sides of a stall for 20 seconds or so? And that the bottom of the skirt kept disappearing from view and reappearing? It was so very obvious she was reaching up. I wasn’t initially suspicious of her…. But it was very suspicious behavior. 
I won’t be saying anything though. 
The damage is not much. Dh went in later to check it and he said it wasn’t obviously vandalism. 

No, I don't at all think I would notice that. Why would I even be looking?   

If it's not obviously vandalism, it's quite possible it wasn't vandalism at all, or at least not vandalism committed by her. I can't imagine scraping the paint on a bathroom stall hard enough to leave marks, while not making any noise. The surface of a bathroom stall is usually quite resistant to vandalism of that sort. Edited to add that I just ran my barely-there fingernails on my tabletop, nowhere near hard enough to scratch, and it made a distinct noise. I don't think there's any way she's in there chipping off paint without you also hearing it. 

She could have been inserting and then adjusting a tampon, adjusting clothing, completing an OCD ritual. The minute you caught yourself noticing, you should have looked away. There is most definitely an expectation of privacy in a bathroom stall. 

Edited August 14, 2023 by katilac

[Scarlett]

54 minutes ago, katilac said:

No, I don't at all think I would notice that. Why would I even be looking?   

If it's not obviously vandalism, it's quite possible it wasn't vandalism at all, or at least not vandalism committed by her. I can't imagine scraping the paint on a bathroom stall hard enough to leave marks, while not making any noise. The surface of a bathroom stall is usually quite resistant to vandalism of that sort. Edited to add that I just ran my barely-there fingernails on my tabletop, nowhere near hard enough to scratch, and it made a distinct noise. I don't think there's any way she's in there chipping off paint without you also hearing it. 

She could have been inserting and then adjusting a tampon, adjusting clothing, completing an OCD ritual. The minute you caught yourself noticing, you should have looked away. There is most definitely an expectation of privacy in a bathroom stall. 

It is an old building and the stalls have been painted over many times. One time paint was peeled off and she was suspected of that  too . I mean good for you if you could ‘look away’ from suspicious behavior but I did not. I could not. Nor do I think that is some righteous course of action. 
 

I can’t figure out why my observations have turned into me doing something wrong. 

[katilac]

10 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

It is an old building and the stalls have been painted over many times. One time paint was peeled off and she was suspected of that  too . I mean good for you if you could ‘look away’ from suspicious behavior but I did not. I could not. Nor do I think that is some righteous course of action. 
 

I can’t figure out why my observations have turned into me doing something wrong. 

Because you wouldn't know it was what you term suspicious behavior unless you kept looking. The minute you went, hmm, I recognize those sneakers, you should have then looked away. If you had not kept looking, you would not have seen anything odd.   

Sometimes, we might not be able to help noticing that someone has been in the stall for a long time, but that certainly does not mean we should try to figure out why. Decorum dictates that we remain as oblivious to people in other stalls as possible. 

Yes, I do think purposefully looking into the stall next to you fin the way you described is you doing something wrong.  

You glance over and recognize her sneakers, and this is when you should have looked away (the moment you realize you are looking into someone else's bathroom stall). 

She flushed the toilet and stood . . . and why are you still watching, lol? You only know that she turned and faced different sides of the stall, and that her skirt moved up and down, because you continued watching. 

Stare blankly at the door in front of you, or read the graffiti. Those are the choices. Heck, you can even check your texts, but it's not okay to purposefully look into another person's bathroom stall. 

[Frances]

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

But I really do know it was her.  I saw the paint chips. I had hoped my suspicion was wrong but it wasn’t. I won’t tell anyone because it isn’t worth it. But i find it so so weird. 

I’m confused about why you find it so weird given what you’ve told us about her. You say you know her family well. Have they sought mental health assistance for her? She sounds desperately in need of professional intervention before she becomes an adult with adult consequences.

[Scarlett]

8 minutes ago, katilac said:

Because you wouldn't know it was what you term suspicious behavior unless you kept looking. The minute you went, hmm, I recognize those sneakers, you should have then looked away. If you had not kept looking, you would not have seen anything odd.   

Sometimes, we might not be able to help noticing that someone has been in the stall for a long time, but that certainly does not mean we should try to figure out why. Decorum dictates that we remain as oblivious to people in other stalls as possible. 

Yes, I do think purposefully looking into the stall next to you fin the way you described is you doing something wrong.  

You glance over and recognize her sneakers, and this is when you should have looked away (the moment you realize you are looking into someone else's bathroom stall). 

She flushed the toilet and stood . . . and why are you still watching, lol? You only know that she turned and faced different sides of the stall, and that her skirt moved up and down, because you continued watching. 

Stare blankly at the door in front of you, or read the graffiti. Those are the choices. Heck, you can even check your texts, but it's not okay to purposefully look into another person's bathroom stall. 

Well we won’t agree on this. If I had stared at the floor I would have still known something was wrong. 
But I am the person who instantly knows when a dish  is missing from my kitchen or when a throw pillow has been moved on my bed or sofa. 
And I really wasn’t looking for condemnation on my observations. Thanks anyway. I needed to vent to strangers about why a young woman would scrape paint off a bathroom stall in a house of worship. 

Edited August 15, 2023 by Scarlett

[katilac]

Just now, Scarlett said:

If I had stared at the floor I would have still known something was wrong. 
 

How so? 

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Frances said:

I’m confused about why you find it so weird given what you’ve told us about her. You say you know her family well. Have they sought mental health assistance for her? She sounds desperately in need of professional intervention before she becomes an adult with adult consequences.

I don’t know. Even knowing her like I do I still find it shocking she would do that. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, katilac said:

How so? 

Because she’s flushed the toilet and wasnt leaving the stall. Seriously do you not ‘see’ patterns to people’s behavior?

[TechWife]

11 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I think her expectation of privacy ended with her vandalizing the stall….

No they didn’t. 

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Maybe I am just observant but I instantly knew something was up. You don’t think you would notice if someone faced all sides of a stall for 20 seconds or so? And that the bottom of the skirt kept disappearing from view and reappearing? It was so very obvious she was reaching up. I wasn’t initially suspicious of her…. But it was very suspicious behavior. 
…

No, I would never notice that. I don’t pay attention to what others are doing in the bathroom. 

32 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

…

I can’t figure out why my observations have turned into me doing something wrong. 

Maybe because it’s creepy to watch someone else so closely in a public bathroom. It might be just me, but that’s more concerning than someone turning around in a bathroom stall and maybe scraping paint off. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, TechWife said:

No they didn’t. 

No, I would never notice that. I don’t pay attention to what others are doing in the bathroom. 

Maybe because it’s creepy to watch someone else so closely in a public bathroom. It might be just me, but that’s more concerning than someone turning around in a bathroom stall and maybe scraping paint off. 

Ok. I don’t even know what to say to that. I think that is super weird.  I have no way to not observe what is going on around me. I mean just FTR I wasn’t ACTIVELY observing….. I just…. Became aware that something was off. 

[Shoeless]

12 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Because she’s flushed the toilet and wasnt leaving the stall.

Maybe she didn't leave the stall because she didn't want to see you and was hoping you'd leave first.

Maybe she was wasting time because she found the service boring and didn't want to go back right away.

Maybe she needed to fart but didn't want to do it near you and was stalling in hopes you'd leave. 

Edited August 15, 2023 by Shoeless

[Scarlett]

14 minutes ago, Shoeless said:

Maybe she didn't leave the stall because she didn't want to see you and was hoping you'd leave first.

Maybe she was wasting time because she found the service boring and didn't want to go back right away.

Maybe she needed to fart but didn't want to do it near you and was stalling in hopes you'd leave. 

Riiight. 
just coincidence that there was paint scraped off and print cios on the floor after she left. 

[katilac]

19 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Ok. I don’t even know what to say to that. I think that is super weird.  I have no way to not observe what is going on around me. I mean just FTR I wasn’t ACTIVELY observing….. I just…. Became aware that something was off. 

Of course you were actively observing. You could have looked away at any moment, which is what you should have done when you realized you were looking into another person's bathroom stall. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, katilac said:

Of course you were actively observing. You could have looked away at any moment, which is what you should have done when you realized you were looking into another person's bathroom stall. 

Well you are wrong. I was living my life and I observed. 

[Scarlett]

I can hear it now,

‘a new born baby was abandoned in a bathroom stall. Were you in the stall next to the crime?’ 
I can’t say. 
‘did you hear a baby cry?’

I don’t listen to private things in a private stall 

‘Did  you see the blood on the  floor ?’

I always stare at the floor in front of me only. 
 

Some of y’all are wack. 
 

 

Edited August 15, 2023 by Scarlett

[Shoeless]

You're gossiping. 

I deleted that a few times because it seemed mean, but since you're calling us "wack", whatever. 

You're gossiping and I think the only reason you posted this is to talk about this girl in a negative way. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, Shoeless said:

You're gossiping. 

I deleted that a few times because it seemed mean, but since you're calling us "wack", whatever. 

You're gossiping and I think the only reason you posted this is to talk about this girl in a negative way. 

I have told not one person who I know in real life except my husband…..specifically because I am not going to gossip about this girl. If you find me telling strangers about my weird observation to be ‘gossip’ then so be it. 

[Ginevra]

9 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Her behavior was so off the charts her entire childhood that her poor mom was constantly being told terrible things she had done. The girl is very very smart but also calculating and mean. But smiling as she does mean things. I have never trusted her. I always feared she would accuse my boys if something terrible. 

Your descriptions sound like RAD behavior. If it’s RAD or something in that vein, I’m sorry to say you can surely do not a rat’s whisker of good by bringing it up. 
 

PS.: I have been in a public stall before with someone moving in a weird manner in the neighboring stall. You don’t have to be nosy to notice someone moving weirdly. I definitely said in my head, “What in the world is that person doing in there?!” 

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Ginevra said:

Your descriptions sound like RAD behavior. If it’s RAD or something in that vein, I’m sorry to say you can surely do not a rat’s whisker of good by bringing it up. 
 

PS.: I have been in a public stall before with someone moving in a weird manner in the neighboring stall. You don’t have to be nosy to notice someone moving weirdly. I definitely said in my head, “What in the world is that person doing in there?!” 

Thanks. She has always been a tough kid. I could give a hundred examples. Not gonna pile on to her parents at this point. 

[Ausmumof3]

I have had a situation where I was in a bathroom and there was a kid in there and without really watching it was kind of obvious that they were playing around and not doing bathroom stuff. I finished my business and went and spoke to Mum who I have a good relationship with saying - hey you might just want to check on kid xyz in the bathroom.  I think that’s a normal way to handle it.

I think it’s the detailed description of the feet movement that gave the thread a kind of creepy vibe that maybe wouldn’t have come across in verbal conversation. It doesn’t mean it’s creepy to have noticed if it was obvious but the tone makes it feel that way.

Gossiping on forums is still gossiping. Something doesn’t somehow become harmless because we do it online instead of in person. It is tricky because sometimes it seems like a good venue for issues that we wouldn’t talk about irl but the older I get the more I question whether it really so any better. 

Edited August 15, 2023 by Ausmumof3

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

I have had a situation where I was in a bathroom and there was a kid in there and without really watching it was kind of obvious that they were playing around and not doing bathroom stuff. I finished my business and went and spoke to Mum who I have a good relationship with saying - hey you might just want to check on kid xyz in the bathroom.  I think that’s a normal way to handle it.

I think it’s the detailed description of the feet movement that gave the thread a kind of creepy vibe that maybe wouldn’t have come across in verbal conversation. It doesn’t mean it’s creepy to have noticed if it was obvious but the tone makes it feel that way.

Gossiping on forums is still gossiping. Something doesn’t somehow become harmless because we do it online instead of in person. It is tricky because sometimes it seems like a good venue for issues that we wouldn’t talk about irl but the older I get the more I question whether it really so any better. 

So if I had said ‘the person was acting off and then I found evidence of vandalism ‘  that would  be ok? 

Strange. It was the details that got my attention. 
People  here don’t know my name. Or city. And I very deliberately left off identifying info of this girl. So no, I don’t consider it gossip. I was trying to process and to NOT gossip. 
 

I think sone people here love to judge and be better than. 
 

 

[katilac]

23 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I can hear it now,

‘a new born baby was abandoned in a bathroom stall. Were you in the stall next to the crime?’ 
I can’t say. 
‘did you hear a baby cry?’

I don’t listen to private things in a private stall 

‘Did  you see the blood on the  floor ?’

I always stare at the floor in front of me only. 
 

Some of y’all are wack. 
 

 

That is a painfully bad analogy. 

You might purposefully look into your neighbor's window for a long time if you think you spotted flames, but that extreme situation does not negate the fact that one should not be staring into the neighbor's windows as a general rule. 

I can't believe you are actually arguing the case for looking into someone else's bathroom stall. Eww. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, katilac said:

That is a painfully bad analogy. 

You might purposefully look into your neighbor's window for a long time if you think you spotted flames, but that extreme situation does not negate the fact that one should not be staring into the neighbor's windows as a general rule. 

I can't believe you are actually arguing the case for looking into someone else's bathroom stall. Eww. 

Eww you. You aren’t the decider of when it is ok to observe something. 

[katilac]

Just now, Scarlett said:

Eww you. You aren’t the decider of when it is ok to observe something. 

That's not a me decision, that's a polite society decision. 

It's a bathroom. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, katilac said:

That's not a me decision, that's a polite society decision. 

It's a bathroom. 

So I stop being a human while in a *gasp* bathroom!

Get real. 
If you are able to zone out and not notice weird things because a bathroom is sacred to you, good for you. Don’t demonize me because I can’t. 

[katilac]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

So I stop being a human while in a *gasp* bathroom!

Get real. 
If you are able to zone out and not notice weird things because a bathroom is sacred to you, good for you. Don’t demonize me because I can’t. 

You can be human and not look into another person's bathroom stall. 

I've done it. 

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, katilac said:

You can be human and not look into another person's bathroom stall. 

I've done it. 

I don’t know if you aren’t reading all my posts in your effort to paint me into a corner, but as I said, it would  not matter if I closed my eyes I would have known something was wrong.