Thanks

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[fraidycat]

1 minute ago, Baseballandhockey said:

They have custody.  She just keeps sending them to her dad’s.  And he takes them because that’s what he does, he protects my kids from their crazy parent and her kids.

Your FIL really is a saint. 

[KSera]

14 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

He could have access.

She knew exactly where I was.

Could her knowing where you were be an educated guess, or is that not how it was? Or could she have called FIL when she saw you leave and ask where you were going and he told her? (I'm assuming you haven't straight out asked anyone how she knew? Is there a reason not to do that?) If they do have a Ring camera, that would be the simplest explanation to me of how she knew you left.

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Melissa in Australia]

Huge hugs. I have no advice. But boy that is a whole other layer of stressful

[mathnerd]

She probably has set up baby monitors (Alexa and the like) with video feeds in your FIL’s house given how much time her kids spend there with your FIL. If so, she could have seen you taking the nephew outside and called your FIL. Also, your kids’ dad could have been in her house when she was watching or maybe he has access to it as well. (Or it could be the Ring door camera as others mentioned).

[Dianthus]

2 hours ago, Terabith said:

I think it's more complicated than that.  @Baseballandhockey has received a lot of support from family for her children in their time of need.  She probably feels like she needs to be there for SIL's children in their time of need.  And father in law having custody of four children, including a 16 month old, every weekend, with far flung activities to get to, and his own father who is 92, I think, is a lot.  Not to mention that father in law is doing a lot of care for her husband.  I would have a hard time walking away from children that I loved in that situation, too, even though all things being equal, being alone with SIL's kids might not be the best choice.  It might be the best choice in this situation.

@Baseballandhockey This is the same SIL that insinuated that your ds's relationship with her dd was inappropriate? You really do need to withdraw from interacting with her. You certainly shouldn't be alone with her child so she can accuse you of something.

I don't think it's strange to have a tracker on child. I just haven't left mine for extended periods so didn't need one. 

And your Thanksgiving with the family is tomorrow?  I'll say a prayer for you.

[lauraw4321]

Other possible explanations: 1) she/DH has a listening device at FIL’s and heard your plan. 2) FIL told (texted) her. 3) Another adult at the house told her. 
 

In normal circumstances it would be normal to tell a mom where their child was being taken and by whom. And she wanted to you to know that she knew. 

[Janeway]

My husband and I turn off our phone tracking and we each pick a credit card and we change the passwords so only the one of us knows it, when we are doing secret things. Only thing is, when he tried to buy me a new Macbook, the thing he did not expect was that I received an alert to my Apple ID. There are just so many ways things get found out and so much to cover up if you really do not want others to know. There is so much to do to hide everything. I also have to turn off the notifications for Amazon deliveries on the Alexa devices. 

[Lecka]

She could have given him access to all the tracker info, if he asked for it, just knowing you would have the child with you.  He could have direct access to it.

He also could have followed you and been spying on you with binoculars.  It’s also possible.

So — I had a situation where my parents (both sets of parents), in my opinion, were not really in shape to watch my sister’s kids, and so I helped them.

Well, it turned out my parents enjoyed this family time (with me and my kids, and my sister’s kids).  

And then it turned out — if they had my help, they didn’t have any reason to feel like — “hey, maybe we can cut the time on this shorter.”

It turned out that shortly after I stopped helping them, they stopped doing it for as long, or with no thought to other plans.

So I do think — your FIL really, truly might figure out another plan or way to make things work, if you don’t help him with this task.  He might change what he says “yes” to, or he might ask other family members, or pay one of the older kids to help babysit, or anything like this.  He has a lot of ways to figure this out, if you quit helping him for a while.

So I do think it’s an option.

But I don’t know if there are weird dynamics where this is going to make your SIL and/or husband angry and then they are going to stalk or harass you more?  Or just do things to intimidate you?

I think the number one bad actor here is your husband, who is the one who let you know he knew where you were.

I “can” think of innocent reasons your SIL might have shared her tracker account with him in general, or casually mentioned to her brother if she got an alert.  I have no idea if that’s realistic.

But your husband could have declined this.  Or, he could have said “I don’t need to know this” to her.  He made a choice to act in a creepy way.  That is what it sounds like.

 

 

[Lecka]

If I were reading this in a book, he would have put a tracker on your car before you drove for Thanksgiving. 

[Faith-manor]

I have to say, Baseball, that I am concerned your husband's mental illness has progressed to something potentially very dangerous to you. As much as you love your fil and your nieces/nephews, I think it is time to think about your own safety. He is exhibiting signs of creepy, stalker behavior, and that often does not end well for the one being stalked. It appears that his sister is unwell enough in her head or soul to be willing to assist him. This is NOT good.

Please, please talk to your lawyer about this.

[SKL]

I realize there is some mental illness in the back story.  But I wonder why the first thought isn't simply that someone at the house innocently told SIL or DH that baby was off to the park with auntie?

Or that the mom has a tracker for reasons totally unrelated to auntie and uncle.  It's been marketed a lot ... it's one of the things "free range parents" like to joke about.  It doesn't surprise me that folks with a family history of anxiety etc. would buy those up.

I agree, though, that this would be my last outing with baby without another responsible adult.  Just not worth the stress.

Edited November 27, 2022 by SKL

[Faith-manor]

2 hours ago, SKL said:

I realize there is some mental illness in the back story.  But I wonder why the first thought isn't simply that someone at the house innocently told SIL or DH that baby was off to the park with auntie?

Or that the mom has a tracker for reasons totally unrelated to auntie and uncle.  It's been marketed a lot ... it's one of the things "free range parents" like to joke about.  It doesn't surprise me that folks with a family history of anxiety etc. would buy those up.

I agree, though, that this would be my last outing with baby without another responsible adult.  Just not worth the stress.

It is related to his escalating behavior. He recently had a very scary meltdown in a parking lot, directed at Baseball, with multiple witnesses. It was a signal of deterioration. His family KNOWS he is this unable to control his anger and impulses. The fact that he made a point of letting her know he knew she was at that park and except for the child, alone, and in the face of his meltdown about her driving the kids for Thanksgiving, a scary sign. They are legally separated which is unfortunately for women, a very dangerous time when one spouse/partner is experiencing this kind of rage and behavior. In and of itself, not as big of deal if it weren't for the escalating anger and creepy behavior. At least that is my take on the progression of events and conduct from him. Again, just my impression.

[lmrich]

Be careful. 

Is the tracker on the baby or in a diaper bag? (if it is on the baby, would you be able to see it? Not suggesting you take it off - just showing that I am clueless)

[KSera]

2 minutes ago, lmrich said:

Is the tracker on the baby or in a diaper bag? (if it is on the baby, would you be able to see it? Not suggesting you take it off - just showing that I am clueless)

It would be hard to miss for anyone taking care of the baby. They’re pretty good sized once attached to something to keep them in place. 
 

@BaseballandhockeyDoes this mean you didn’t end up making the drive or taking the plane ride you had been debating for this weekend?

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[lauraw4321]

1 minute ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I know it's not good.  I have a lawyer, and a protective order, and a custody order.  I'm thinking of my safety and my kids' safety every moment of every day.

But so far, the thing that has been by far the most helpful in keeping my kids' safe, has been my FIL's help.  He has both literally and figuratively put himself between DH and the kids.  He's the one checking in daily and monitoring meds, and doing all the thing that help keep DH more stable.  He's the one who convinced him to go to the hospital when things were really bad.  He's the only one who can talk him down when he's in a bad place.  

If my FIL tells me that he needs help with something, I need to help.  Not because I love him, although I do, but because I need him.  I can't expect him to protect one group of grandchildren and not the other.  That's not who he is.

I understand he needs your help with the baby. But you can help at the house with other adults. 

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[lauraw4321]

1 minute ago, Baseballandhockey said:

What other adults?

You FIL?  Didn’t you pick the baby up at your FIL’s house? So presumably he was there? 

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[lauraw4321]

1 minute ago, Baseballandhockey said:

In this case he was, but sometimes he needs to go places, and then I have the kids.  

Pops? Doesn’t he live with FIL? And no way in hell I’d be driving SIL’s baby anywhere. And I’d push back against watching her kids without another adult. 

[Lecka]

This is 20/20 hindsight for me… I had a time period when I was under a lot of stress, and there were some things that were problems but I could not see any other way to manage.

 

But in retrospect — I did have more choices open to me.  
 

Part of this was that I thought I couldn’t spend money — but in retrospect, I could have spent some money.  
 

Do you have anyone who might be able to brainstorm options with you?  Someone who is familiar with details involved?

 

I also wonder if it’s a secret that this happened?  I think it might be fair to share this information, and then — maybe there could be a discussion of figuring out other childcare arrangements or making different weekend plans.  
 

Or if there is any idea that would work — maybe you could just say “I don’t want to leave you in the lurch, and I worry about you, but could we try ______.”  This is the kind of thing that seemed impossible to me when I was under a great deal of stress.  

 

I think if there is someone you could ask for ideas — it would be good — it is really the case that under stress it is hard to think of new things.  Plus another person might have ideas you just haven’t thought of, but that would make sense.  

[Terabith]

1 hour ago, lauraw4321 said:

Pops? Doesn’t he live with FIL? And no way in hell I’d be driving SIL’s baby anywhere. And I’d push back against watching her kids without another adult. 

Pops is like 92.  He's in great health, but he can't be in charge of a toddler.  And if @Baseballandhockey's FIL has to go somewhere to deal with her dh, or with her SIL, what other adult is there for her to watch with them?  Pops is not exactly going to be a help in a physical crisis.  Sometimes she has to be the adult in charge of all the kids, because FIL is dealing with an unstable adult.  

[Faith-manor]

1 hour ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I know it's not good.  I have a lawyer, and a protective order, and a custody order.  I'm thinking of my safety and my kids' safety every moment of every day.

But so far, the thing that has been by far the most helpful in keeping my kids' safe, has been my FIL's help.  He has both literally and figuratively put himself between DH and the kids.  He's the one checking in daily and monitoring meds, and doing all the thing that help keep DH more stable.  He's the one who convinced him to go to the hospital when things were really bad.  He's the only one who can talk him down when he's in a bad place.  

If my FIL tells me that he needs help with something, I need to help.  Not because I love him, although I do, but because I need him.  I can't expect him to protect one group of grandchildren and not the other.  That's not who he is.

I understand. I do. But I worry about your physical safety.

Edited November 28, 2022 by Faith-manor

[lauraw4321]

12 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Pops is like 92.  He's in great health, but he can't be in charge of a toddler.  And if @Baseballandhockey's FIL has to go somewhere to deal with her dh, or with her SIL, what other adult is there for her to watch with them?  Pops is not exactly going to be a help in a physical crisis.  Sometimes she has to be the adult in charge of all the kids, because FIL is dealing with an unstable adult.  

He can at least witness her interactions with the kids. Not suggesting leaving him in charge. Suggesting she not be alone with SIL’s kids. 

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[lauraw4321]

17 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to respond to this.  Like, there's an implication that I'm not worried enough, or that I don't know that my kids are in a terrible situation, or that if I was just worried enough there's some action I would take that would keep them from being at risk.  

 

You could commit to not being alone with SIL’s kids and certainly you have zero reason to be driving them. You can tell FIL that you can help with her kids if there’s another adult but not otherwise. If he can’t handle the kids (understandable) he can hire a babysitter. 

[Terabith]

28 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

You could commit to not being alone with SIL’s kids and certainly you have zero reason to be driving them. You can tell FIL that you can help with her kids if there’s another adult but not otherwise. If he can’t handle the kids (understandable) he can hire a babysitter. 

That seems like a crappy thing to do to someone who has been there for you and your kids every day for half a decade, through thick and thin, dropping everything at the drop of a hat.  And also, SIL's children are as much in need of protection and assistance as her own kids.  Like, I get the concerns, I really, truly do, but I don't think I could turn away from FIL's need or the children in need, given the history and context of this family.  

[lauraw4321]

7 minutes ago, Terabith said:

That seems like a crappy thing to do to someone who has been there for you and your kids every day for half a decade, through thick and thin, dropping everything at the drop of a hat.  And also, SIL's children are as much in need of protection and assistance as her own kids.  Like, I get the concerns, I really, truly do, but I don't think I could turn away from FIL's need or the children in need, given the history and context of this family.  

It is crappy. But it’s not her fault that it’s crappy. And driving the baby of her SIL, who has shown herself to be her enemy, days after her DH threatened to file contempt orders against her because she planned to drive her own kids? Watch the baby at the house. Now with the knowledge that the baby (and possibly her) are being tracked?! Why take a risk like driving that baby somewhere? What if something had happened and the baby got hurt. Or there was a car accident? Can you imagine what would happen to B&H’s kids? FIL knows how crappy things are for B&H. Be honest with him. Offer to help out with adults there. But no driving. And no being alone with those kids. FIL isn’t going to turn his back on B&H for setting boundaries to protect her kids. And if he is, then he isn’t really the ally she thinks he is. 

[Terabith]

25 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

It is crappy. But it’s not her fault that it’s crappy. And driving the baby of her SIL, who has shown herself to be her enemy, days after her DH threatened to file contempt orders against her because she planned to drive her own kids? Watch the baby at the house. Now with the knowledge that the baby (and possibly her) are being tracked?! Why take a risk like driving that baby somewhere? What if something had happened and the baby got hurt. Or there was a car accident? Can you imagine what would happen to B&H’s kids? FIL knows how crappy things are for B&H. Be honest with him. Offer to help out with adults there. But no driving. And no being alone with those kids. FIL isn’t going to turn his back on B&H for setting boundaries to protect her kids. And if he is, then he isn’t really the ally she thinks he is. 

I'm not implying that FIL is going to turn his back on B&H for setting boundaries.  I'm asking what is the alternative?  Say, B&H is at FIL's house with FIL, Pop, and all the children, probably cooking, because we know B&H.  FIL gets word that there is a crisis, so he goes off to deal with it, maybe with B&H's husband.  Is she supposed to say, "No, I will not babysit?"  That's crazy making.  I can maybe see not driving SIL's kids, but the reality is that when they're with FIL, he's being asked to get them to 8 million extracurricular activities that are impossible for a single driver to get them to.  I just don't think drawing boundaries around this is as easy as you're making it out to be.  

It's just all hard and awful, and not as easy as just having boundaries, even around something like not transporting her kids.  

[lauraw4321]

1 minute ago, Terabith said:

I'm not implying that FIL is going to turn his back on B&H for setting boundaries.  I'm asking what is the alternative?  Say, B&H is at FIL's house with FIL, Pop, and all the children, probably cooking, because we know B&H.  FIL gets word that there is a crisis, so he goes off to deal with it, maybe with B&H's husband.  Is she supposed to say, "No, I will not babysit?"  That's crazy making.  I can maybe see not driving SIL's kids, but the reality is that when they're with FIL, he's being asked to get them to 8 million extracurricular activities that are impossible for a single driver to get them to.  I just don't think drawing boundaries around this is as easy as you're making it out to be.  

It's just all hard and awful, and not as easy as just having boundaries, even around something like not transporting her kids.  

That’s not what happened here. She took baby to the park while the other kids watched a soccer match. It was completely within her control. She volunteered for this. There was no emergency (which, of course, is different). I’m not saying boundaries are easy. Boundaries are hard as hell. But she needs to view SIL with the same caution she views DH and she needs to see SIL’s kids as potential grenades. Is that a shitty way to look at your nieces and nephews? Of course. But she won’t be given the benefit of any doubts if anything happens. Everything will be put in the worst possible light. That is crystal clear from the insinuation SIL made about her son. 

[Carol in Cal.]

11 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

That’s not what happened here. She took baby to the park while the other kids watched a soccer match. It was completely within her control. She volunteered for this. There was no emergency (which, of course, is different). I’m not saying boundaries are easy. Boundaries are hard as hell. But she needs to view SIL with the same caution she views DH and she needs to see SIL’s kids as potential grenades. Is that a shitty way to look at your nieces and nephews? Of course. But she won’t be given the benefit of any doubts if anything happens. Everything will be put in the worst possible light. That is crystal clear from the insinuation SIL made about her son. 

I hate to say it but even though I think BBH and Terebith are totally right to see this situation as one requiring a middle path, I agree that it would be really wise to avoid excursions, especially just alone with the baby.  I think that adding risk to the situation should be avoided, and that risk includes ‘being alone and vulnerable to accusations or an attack.’  I’m sorry that this is so.  BBH is walking such a fine line here, and doing it so well.  

[Not_a_Number]

Here's the thing. People often accommodate unreasonable people MORE than reasonable people, because reasonable people are less trouble.

Your SIL has absolutely no call to interrogate you about your location. That's on her, not on you. It's very reasonable for you to decline to put yourself in situations in which YOU WILL BE TRACKED. If your FIL is at all reasonable, he ought to understand that. 

You don't need to make any kinds of ultimatums about not watching the kids. You don't want to not watch the kids, anyway. You don't want to be tracked. That is eminently reasonable. And if he's worried this means that you can't take the kids out of the house, he can take it up with your SIL, who SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN TRACKING YOU. In real time, at that!!!

Edited November 28, 2022 by Not_a_Number

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I hate to say it but even though I think BBH and Terebith are totally right to see this situation as one requiring a middle path, I agree that it would be really wise to avoid excursions, especially just alone with the baby.  I think that adding risk to the situation should be avoided, and that risk includes ‘being alone and vulnerable to accusations or an attack.’  I’m sorry that this is so.  BBH is walking such a fine line here, and doing it so well.  

I agree with that. Totally. 100%. 

[ktgrok]

could one of SIL's other kids have texted their mom (SIL) and told her? I think you said they have phones? Maybe even in a group text/chat with your DH?

Edited November 28, 2022 by ktgrok

[ktgrok]

My other most likley scenario is that DH has the password for a camera at FIL's house and was watching you, and when he saw you leave he texted or called SIL to ask where the tracker showed you went. 

[Faith-manor]

2 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to respond to this.  Like, there's an implication that I'm not worried enough, or that I don't know that my kids are in a terrible situation, or that if I was just worried enough there's some action I would take that would keep them from being at risk.  

 

All I meant is you are ever present in my thoughts.

[SKL]

So back to the tracker ... even if the tracker informed them that the baby had gone to the park, how did they know who all went with the baby to the park?

[SKL]

I don't think there's anything wrong with SIL tracking her kid.  It does not equal SIL tracking B&H.  But it seems there is more going on here.

[KSera]

34 minutes ago, SKL said:

I don't think there's anything wrong with SIL tracking her kid.  It does not equal SIL tracking B&H.  But it seems there is more going on here.

Everything about it is weird. Putting a tracker on the diaper bag doesn’t seem what someone would do to track their kid. I wouldn’t expect a diaper bag to still be with my kid if they were somewhere they weren’t meant to be. A diaper bag tracker only makes sense to me if it’s on there for the same reason you might put one on your keys in order to find them if you’re always losing them. 

[73349]

6 hours ago, KSera said:

 A diaper bag tracker only makes sense to me if it’s on there for the same reason you might put one on your keys in order to find them if you’re always losing them. 

With possibly multiple adults caring for baby & using different vehicles for transportation, this is entirely possible. If SIL needs to leave her house for the day this morning & doesn't see the diaper bag by the door... is it somewhere else in the house, in her car, in BIL's car, at FIL's house, in FIL's car, somewhere else?? This is the fastest way to see where it is.

B&H I'm sorry. This sounds stressful. I would decline to take baby places, since your location is then available to someone who shouldn't have access to it.

[Dianthus]

How did Thanksgiving go?

[Grace Hopper]

On 11/27/2022 at 1:33 AM, mathnerd said:

She probably has set up baby monitors (Alexa and the like) with video feeds in your FIL’s house given how much time her kids spend there with your FIL. If so, she could have seen you taking the nephew outside and called your FIL. Also, your kids’ dad could have been in her house when she was watching or maybe he has access to it as well. (Or it could be the Ring door camera as others mentioned).

The thought of being on a video monitor, possibly observed by the estranged husband, would keep me and my kids out of that house. 

On 11/27/2022 at 1:48 AM, Dianthus said:

@Baseballandhockey This is the same SIL that insinuated that your ds's relationship with her dd was inappropriate? You really do need to withdraw from interacting with her. You certainly shouldn't be alone with her child so she can accuse you of something.

I don't think it's strange to have a tracker on child. I just haven't left mine for extended periods so didn't need one. 

And your Thanksgiving with the family is tomorrow?  I'll say a prayer for you.

 

17 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

In this case he was, but sometimes he needs to go places, and then I have the kids.  

You solo watching all the kids? That’s a situation that could get you in trouble. 

14 hours ago, lauraw4321 said:

It is crappy. But it’s not her fault that it’s crappy. And driving the baby of her SIL, who has shown herself to be her enemy, days after her DH threatened to file contempt orders against her because she planned to drive her own kids? Watch the baby at the house. Now with the knowledge that the baby (and possibly her) are being tracked?! Why take a risk like driving that baby somewhere? What if something had happened and the baby got hurt. Or there was a car accident? Can you imagine what would happen to B&H’s kids? FIL knows how crappy things are for B&H. Be honest with him. Offer to help out with adults there. But no driving. And no being alone with those kids. FIL isn’t going to turn his back on B&H for setting boundaries to protect her kids. And if he is, then he isn’t really the ally she thinks he is. 

Sorry BBH I know you were trying to be helpful and kind to the toddler but you should refrain from being alone with any of your SIL’s kids. Way too much potential for trouble. 

14 hours ago, lauraw4321 said:

That’s not what happened here. She took baby to the park while the other kids watched a soccer match. It was completely within her control. She volunteered for this. There was no emergency (which, of course, is different). I’m not saying boundaries are easy. Boundaries are hard as hell. But she needs to view SIL with the same caution she views DH and she needs to see SIL’s kids as potential grenades. Is that a shitty way to look at your nieces and nephews? Of course. But she won’t be given the benefit of any doubts if anything happens. Everything will be put in the worst possible light. That is crystal clear from the insinuation SIL made about her son. 

I know OP has been trying to make sure the kids’ other relationships are preserved but honestly, when there are unsafe people in your life, keeping safe often means other good things are affected. There will be collateral damage. Toddlers will disrupt the soccer game. 
 

I know your shoes are unique, BBH, but I also believe, from what info you’ve chosen to share with us here in this forum, that you are extending yourself too far in the effort to be kind to others. I know you have to walk on eggshells to maintain your custody arrangement, but it sure seems like you do a lot to accommodate others that winds up causing you grief and the potential for harm. Even though you “need” him, I feel sure that if your FIL is as aware of the circumstances as you indicate, he would understand you disengaging a bit more. Personally I think your husband wants you there because it’s easier for him to get info about what you’re up to that way, and he appears to have surveillance methods/info readily available. Also, what else does he have to spend his time on other than to ruminate on your activities and his own sad situation? I agree with Faith that his behavior - as you’ve described it - is controlling, escalating, and alarming. 
 

But most of all, you leaving the house with the 16mo meant you were not present with your 16yo. Considering past insinuations, he should never be left with the cousins without you there to observe. At least if I were walking in your admittedly unusual shoes, I’d never leave him in a position to garner false accusations. 
 

Don’t mean to be hard on you, but this honestly isn’t about the tracker itself, it’s very common these days for parents to put air tags in their baby’s diaper bag. Like, really common. They’re given as baby shower gifts. The real issue here  is that there are people in your life who do not wish well for you and your kids, yet they seem to consistently have access to create strife. I have trouble understanding why you open the door for them to have such opportunity. I’d be doing the absolute minimum required to meet the court ordered obligations; keep distance, then allow the kids to rebuild relationships AS THEY CHOOSE once they reach an age where the custody agreements are passe. But that’s just me, I guess. But as I said earlier, situations like yours come with a lot of collateral damage, some of which can be minimized but much of which - like the freedom to take your niece/nephew to the playground, or to leave your teen son alone with his younger cousins - must be accepted as normally normal things you just can’t do. 
 

 

[lauraw4321]

1 hour ago, Grace Hopper said:But most of all, you leaving the house with the 16mo meant you were not present with your 16yo. Considering past insinuations, he should never be left with the cousins without you there to observe. At least if I were walking in your admittedly unusual shoes, I’d never leave him in a position to garner false accusations. 

 

Don’t mean to be hard on you, but this honestly isn’t about the tracker itself, it’s very common these days for parents to put air tags in their baby’s diaper bag. Like, really common. They’re given as baby shower gifts. The real issue here  is that there are people in your life who do not wish well for you and your kids, yet they seem to consistently have access to create strife. I have trouble understanding why you open the door for them to have such opportunity. I’d be doing the absolute minimum required to meet the court ordered obligations; keep distance, then allow the kids to rebuild relationships AS THEY CHOOSE once they reach an age where the custody agreements are passe. But that’s just me, I guess. But as I said earlier, situations like yours come with a lot of collateral damage, some of which can be minimized but much of which - like the freedom to take your niece/nephew to the playground, or to leave your teen son alone with his younger cousins - must be accepted as normally normal things you just can’t do. 
 

 

One note - before OP edited, I believe she indicated it was her younger child she left at the house. But I’d be hesitant to leave any of my kids with SIL’s kids after what SIL said. 

[Terabith]

21 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

One note - before OP edited, I believe she indicated it was her younger child she left at the house. But I’d be hesitant to leave any of my kids with SIL’s kids after what SIL said. 

I'm also pretty sure that neither kid was alone with the younger children, because Pop was there.  Who, again, can't be in charge of the toddler, but is perfectly serviceable as a chaperone/ fellow soccer watcher.  

[mathnerd]

I don't want to quote any of the posts here, but, my suggestion, if the OP is open to it is that if she wants to be there for her FIL as he has been there for her in her times of need, there can be safer workarounds to conventional situations so that her sons are never alone with their cousins and she does not have sole supervision of SIL's kids: one example could be that when the older kids were watching a game on TV and BB&H takes the toddler off the grandpa's watch she could take him into a separate area of the house and they play a toddler friendly game there or bake a cake together or read some picture book together or anything that will keep the child busy other than driving with the child to a park alone. I don't think that Pops at his age can be called upon to supervise as needed as he could need a nap or need the quiet etc. A good option, taking into account all the considerations that she has, is to stay on-campus when her kids are spending time at FIL's house ... and ask FIL if there are video monitors, where they are located and who has access to them just to get that info for reference and her own safety. OP, also, the next time that you take your car in for a repair or checkup, ask the mechanic to check for any monitors or tags attached to it.

[KSera]

OP, if you have an iPhone, it should alert you if there are any unknown AirTag trackers moving with you. You may need to change a setting if you have it turned off.

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey