Updates 2023 (job hunt etc)

[heartlikealion]

So you wanna know something ironic? Well, I don’t mind saying this on the board because the judge made me say the names of the employers I’m waiting to hear back from…. One is CASA. Oh the irony 

[heartlikealion]

@Scarlett not sad to me. Kinda funny/amusing. 

[heartlikealion]

So the graphic design job I didn’t get was at a community college. They were supposed to post their communications job this week but did not. I never learned the salary but I would have taken it for the benefits — free or cheap tuition for the kids, several days off, retirement etc. 

CASA said they will have an answer next week. If they offer I’ll jump on it. 

 

[ktgrok]

12 hours ago, katilac said:

The stupid kind, but I think he wanted you to specifically state, or even repeat, something like, "I will continue to meet with the WIN job center every 2 weeks for advisement, plus job hunt and network on my own, and I will find a good job." 

I mean, wtf does he think you're planning? My plans are to get a job, your honor, and I'll go about it in the usual ways. 

This reminds me of a comedian talking about bowling as a sport, and how they even have sports commentators:

Commentator: So, Bob, you did great last week, what is your strategy for this week?

Bob the Bowler: Well...um.....I guess I'm planning to knock down them there pins.

[heartlikealion]

The judge tried to shame me for not having a job yet. He said someone related to him (niece?) got a job and he thought they were unhireable. 

Well I didn’t ask but I’d like to know how old is this person and can they afford a 1-2 bedroom apartment on their own? Because if you have a roommate or significant other to share rent then yeah you can settle for that $11 receptionist job. I told him I was primarily looking for a M-F job so it didn’t interfere with my weekend visitation and I even mentioned the casino jobs with unworkable hours. Later, xh’s attorney said I said I’d only looked at M-F jobs and I said, “I did not say that” and the judge said, “she did not say that.” It’s unnerving bring gaslit left and right. 

(for the record I doubt the library job is M-F… would probably have to work some weekends) 

ETA: to be fair I guess I can see how the lawyer drew that conclusion because for the most part it’s the case.

They also tried to accuse me of not looking closer to the town the school is in. I told them I had (one was that assistant for a CPA office). Then I said but even if I get a job in that town, I can’t afford to live there. 

Edited August 19, 2023 by heartlikealion
casino not hotel

[Heartstrings]

That's so frustrating about the judge.  I bet if you had an $11 an hour job with hours that interfered with visitation and a roommate to help with rent he would have complained about that too.  

[Scarlett]

The nerve of the entire system that puts you on the defensive for doing your best in a situation your xh  created.  This just makes my blood boil.  If you did not have some ties to the city he moved to you would be in even worse shape.  I know things are rough with your dad but at least you have a little safety net there.  
 

Hang in there. Something will shake out and at least your kids will know you moved heaven and earth to be near them.

[heartlikealion]

I wasn't sure if it should come up but my attorney did let the judge know that I would not be at the hotel much longer and I explained about the pet policy changing so I was going to be meeting with a potential roommate. The judge said he doesn't like cats and "don't bring that cat up again." I told my cat you've given me so much grief but I love you and I'm not getting rid of you lol Look, she'll be fine if we have to live in a cardboard box (joking). 

So this is where things got really awkward. He asked what is the last name of the girl and I couldn't provide that... I said I don't know yet. He said when are you meeting, you said you have to be out of the hotel Tuesday. I said Monday, that's the soonest she could meet and the manager at the hotel knows my situation and said if push comes to shove he'll extend my stay a few days.

Then the judge's next question was, "what does she do for work?" and luckily my answer didn't embarrass me. "NASA, Stennis Space Center. Remote work." Then he found out she had a kid and asked about our kids being alone and I said, "well I'm not going to leave my daughter there alone... *insert snide comment I made about xh leaving ds in charge of stepbro and dd while he and wife were at work*

Didn't say it to the judge but I went to the house once and ds was asleep and dd and stepbro and his out-of-state friend were there. I learned later that this child had come to spend a few days there and I thought oh great, so two boys are alone with my daughter while ds sleeps. Who thought that was a good idea? I never heard the whole story. 

My attorney said it wasn't fair to expect all my visits to take place at my dad's partly because of the number of bedrooms. Xh's retort was that dd sleeps in my bed, anyway (SHE keeps crawling into bed with me even when we have extra beds). Then xh's side pointed out that the hotel is only one room (yeah well... I have a twin XL here for when ds comes and dd and I share a full). So all in all, not the best reflection on me and living accommodations. 

Realistically ds will never come over the house with the roommate so I'm not worried about that. Dd and I can share a room. And who knows if I'll even be a good fit there. 

Somehow xh or his attorney made a leap to "heart doesn't believe in God" to try to bicker about the original morality issues. I said, "I never said that I don't believe in God." GOOD GRIEF. You guys may or may not know -- I think I mentioned it somewhere in this long thread, but I haven't been going to church but I have not stopped the kids from attending. I have offered to take them to any church they want. Xh said in court that he takes the kids every week and if I got extra weekends they would miss. Hahaha whatever. He's the one that let the miss Sunday school and Mass several times when we were supposedly regularly attending. The kids have literally told me and my dad that they were flip flopping between virtual and face-to-face services at a local non denominational church but got turned off recently because the pastor kept asking for donations to build their other location and it was taking over the sermon. So according to the kids they have not been going. So to hear him say we go every week I thought LIAR LOL. 

[Scarlett]

And did your lawyer say in any of that attack on you that you were doing your best to respond to the mess ch created?

[heartlikealion]

29 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

And did your lawyer say in any of that attack on you that you were doing your best to respond to the mess ch created?

He tried to get a word in edgewise that I was looking for certain kind of work (like in my field). 
me being laid off would have happened either way but job hunting in this area may or may not be better 

[Garga]

I don’t like that judge. What a self-righteous twit.

[heartlikealion]

Potential roommate never got back to me with rental rate. I reached out this morning. Radio silence. Then I followed up saying I was considering staying in a different extended stay hotel closer to my kids. 

I drove there and imo it’s a dump. And outside people are loitering (not sure that’s fair to say but hanging out outside in walkways) smoking etc. Linens are not provided. I don’t even have that size bedding. And why is a pet-friendly room full of carpet? 

There was a bad (mildewy?) smell by the microwave. 

I’m looking up regular hotels as a last resort (air bnb looks expensive). 

[heartlikealion]

Booked a hotel 15 min from kids. Pets included in rate. Grab n go breakfast and coin laundry. Nothing spectacular. I’ll be sure to grab the food though  

[heartlikealion]

I usually pay on Sundays so I tried to get out today. I said I’m not sure if the pet fee was overpaid or not because my cat moved in a few days after me. The front desk said supposedly I owed more money but they waived it and moved my checkout to noon. I was still packing up at 11). 

The new place is more spacious. I didn’t pay extra for the full size fridge (I think those rooms also have a cooktop). I can make it without. Sometimes I cook food at my dad’s and bring to my hotel. 

I’m trying to get a playdate set up Thursday since we’re not far from my gf’s new home. Our daughters can’t get together on the weekend because her girl will be out of town at her dad’s. My dd wanted me to drive her to that town lol I really hope I can get the play date scheduled. Dd will be ecstatic. 

I asked if I could get an early check in here because I had a car full of stuff and my cat. Normal check in is 3… after a bit they agreed. I’m paying by week and reserved it a few weeks out so I figured they’d try to accommodate me. 

[heartlikealion]

Happy accident — 7 min from my gym & I have the Hallmark channel again! 😄

[Faith-manor]

Heart, are you allowed to use a crock pot? I always book places on road trips where I am allowed to leave a crockpot plugged in while gone so that we have chilli or rice and beans, etc. waiting when we come in for supper. It sure would make it easier for you to manage food.

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, Faith-manor said:

Heart, are you allowed to use a crock pot? I always book places on road trips where I am allowed to leave a crockpot plugged in while gone so that we have chilli or rice and beans, etc. waiting when we come in for supper. It sure would make it easier for you to manage food.

I don’t know but I never replaced the crockpot that xh kept. I do own an instant pot and never learned to use it. For me right now it may be too much fuss. 

My typical diet doesn’t require much. Partly because I’m trying to lose weight. 

Greek yogurt/fruit/nuts

Salad/veggies/chicken (small tenderloins I bake or boil and use or freeze/defrost as I need)
Snack bars (nuts, choc etc) 

And I eat some meals at my dad’s. I cook more when I have dd or we eat what my dad has. 

I did intermittent fasting for the past few days but stopped today because I don’t think it’s good for me (I believe I’m hypoglycemic and it’s pushing it). 

[katilac]

On 8/19/2023 at 11:43 AM, heartlikealion said:

 The judge said he doesn't like cats and "don't bring that cat up again." 

Scary that our lives are in the hands of people like this 🤨

[heartlikealion]

I got a text today that the communications/marketing job was posted. I redid my resume/edited my profile application (based on their standards that pay is determined by ALL job history including your first job) and made a new cover letter for this role. Application submitted. They job is online for a couple weeks so they won't interview til after Labor Day. 

[Jaybee]

I wish the judge could see how persistent you have been with following all these job leads.

[heartlikealion]

12 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

I wish the judge could see how persistent you have been with following all these job leads.

for real!! 

I lost access to my Microsoft 365 so I recently downloaded LibreOffice and made a spreadsheet today of jobs with info in each column (date applied, what website etc). 

WIN can audit me and it makes me keep up with my stuff. I made a label in my email account for job-related emails. 

[Jaybee]

Well maybe next time, you can print that out and turn it in to the judge if he starts questioning what you are doing! But hopefully, you will have a really good job well before then, and will be turning the corner on this long nightmare.

[heartlikealion]

10 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

Well maybe next time, you can print that out and turn it in to the judge if he starts questioning what you are doing! But hopefully, you will have a really good job well before then, and will be turning the corner on this long nightmare.

He already made me rattle off jobs and someone asked me how many interviews I’d gone on in the past 30 days. They’re just asses lol 

[*LC]

I’m sorry to hear about the day in court.

I know this answer would not have occurred to me when the person asked “how many interviews I’d gone on in the past 30 day,”

The easy answer to that question would be to simply say, “every interview I have been offered since I learned my children had moved 4 hours away from my home.” (If relevant I would add that pay equal to the job I had then.)

[heartlikealion]

9 minutes ago, *LC said:

I’m sorry to hear about the day in court.

I know this answer would not have occurred to me when the person asked “how many interviews I’d gone on in the past 30 day,”

The easy answer to that question would be to simply say, “every interview I have been offered since I learned my children had moved 4 hours away from my home.” (If relevant I would add that pay equal to the job I had then.)

Good idea. I told them 3-4. There are a few things I wanted to say but in the moment forgot — like that if it was ever my intention to get xh fired (he was not fired but… more waves were caused due to my aunt’s meddling) I would have reported things to HR years ago (my lawyer had print outs that covered that topic but they were old so we didn’t really dwell on it). 

They really tried to trip me up but I was not having it!! “Isn’t it true your xh GAVE you a car that he bought?” 
My response: “we got that car with marital money” 

uggggghhh!!! 
 

Look at this document. Doesn’t it say he wrote the title over to you and paid off the remaining balance in this date? (Was dated 2022)

my response: “I believe the car was paid in full prior to that and that’s merely the date this document was notarized or printed”

UGH. 
 

You sent an email innAugust, didn’t you?

Me before even seeing the print out:

I believe that was Sept… 

*looks at print out* 

me: I believe you’re looking at the print out date. 
Xh’s lawyer reviewing it and correcting himself 

Lol. Don’t try me. 

 

[heartlikealion]

Didn’t get the CASA job. Still crossing fingers for community college job. Got rejection emails from other places this week. 

Still a zero dollar balance on my SNAP card 🙄 Like no sense of urgency on their end.

Paid Aug child support using unemployment. I was told in advance that even if I’d asked for child support to be paused they might refuse assuming I’ll be working soon. 

Picking up dd and her friend today after school. 

A retired couple messaged me on a roommate app but I told them I will stay out a couple weeks and see if I need a place then but I don’t expect them to hold the space for me. They charge less than the hotel but I’m so so sick of moving and don’t know where I’ll get a job. 

I’m supposed to find out soon if I got into the 9 weeks construction course. My dad doesn’t want me to go because then I won’t be available for interviews. I might consider it if I can miss class occasionally. I don’t know if the class stipend would mess up unemployment earnings, so I’d have to ask my case worker. If you can get both that’s money I need. 

[WildflowerMom]

I think I hold my breath every time I read an update.  I swear if you ever get some good news, you’ll hear me scream.     Praying for GOOD NEWS, heart. 

[heartlikealion]

I had to see a dr and I put it off because I don’t have ins. I paid OOP and went to an urgent care because my old primary care office couldn’t tell me anything without seeing me in person. So far it sounds mundane, just annoying and I’m getting the OTC products before trying the prescription which may or may not be any use. 

All things considered, things could be a lot worse (like if the judge made me responsible for xh’s legal fees though I never thought that would happen). 

I’m not sure what I’m going to do about my antidepressants (for depression & anxiety). I can’t even tell if they do anything. I mean like do I even need them anymore. I’m not super depressed. I need to check with my office and see when my next visit is scheduled ($100 oop) to keep them active. And I don’t know what the cost will be oop at the pharmacy. The rX discount cards never seemed to do much for me. I haven’t asked to wean off because of all the crap going on in my life I don’t know if it’s too premature. 

[WildflowerMom]

Heart, have you looking this? 
https://costplusdrugs.com/

 

 

[heartlikealion]

7 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

Heart, have you looking this? 
https://costplusdrugs.com/

 

 

No, I am not familiar with that. But they do carry mine. I’ll see what I need to do. 

[ktgrok]

53 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I had to see a dr and I put it off because I don’t have ins. I paid OOP and went to an urgent care because my old primary care office couldn’t tell me anything without seeing me in person. So far it sounds mundane, just annoying and I’m getting the OTC products before trying the prescription which may or may not be any use. 

All things considered, things could be a lot worse (like if the judge made me responsible for xh’s legal fees though I never thought that would happen). 

I’m not sure what I’m going to do about my antidepressants (for depression & anxiety). I can’t even tell if they do anything. I mean like do I even need them anymore. I’m not super depressed. I need to check with my office and see when my next visit is scheduled ($100 oop) to keep them active. And I don’t know what the cost will be oop at the pharmacy. The rX discount cards never seemed to do much for me. I haven’t asked to wean off because of all the crap going on in my life I don’t know if it’s too premature. 

Remember, if you don't feel depressed that usually means they are working. I would NOT advise weaning off right now, when everything is so crazy pants. If life settles down then you could talk to a doctor about doing so. 

[heartlikealion]

2 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

Remember, if you don't feel depressed that usually means they are working. I would NOT advise weaning off right now, when everything is so crazy pants. If life settles down then you could talk to a doctor about doing so. 

Fair point. 
I guess I just attributed so much of my depression to living with xh it’s hard to distinguish. Also a lot of the depression is probably situational (and yes that’s crazy pants). 
I’ve been able to work out more consistently lately and that definitely helps my mood. 

[heartlikealion]

They don’t think the stipend will be affected. My case worker said she’ll double check but sees no conflict. 

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

They don’t think the stipend will be affected. My case worker said she’ll double check but sees no conflict. 

That would be awesome!

[Garga]

Be careful going off meds. My mom did that. Thought she was fine. But then she got completely riddled with anxiety and panic and almost entirely destroyed her relationship with me because of all the (frankly) crazy thoughts she was having. 

Went back on the meds and is back to feeling fine again. 

If you can swing getting them, get them. This isn’t the time for a mental breakdown. 

[Harriet Vane]

Chiming in here--this is not the time to mess with your meds. 

[heartlikealion]

8 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

Chiming in here--this is not the time to mess with your meds. 

It was more the money. $199/week is what I get. $103 for psych follow ups w/o ins. Gas, food, hotel, child support, cell phone and storage unit costs add up each month. Hopefully I’ll have job or stipend soon. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

Can you get the meds cheaper from Lemonaid or one of the other places online? Is there a mental health clinic nearby with a sliding scale?

 

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

Can you get the meds cheaper from Lemonaid or one of the other places online? Is there a mental health clinic nearby with a sliding scale?

 

I’ve been doing routine appointments (telehealth for the last several) with the same psych for a couple years. But I might look for a new one since I moved. My follow ups are only every 3 months now. So I might not be due for one immediately. I have to check. The meds I think I can get affordable either through that link that was shared upthread or certain pharmacies (like Sam’s club but I don’t know how close I’ll live to one…). 

My most recent ins was good so the appts were $25. But my other ins plans always charge full price til you meet deductible. 

[maize]

When you have been on meds for awhile you can often get refills through a family practice doctor if that is less expensive. 

[katilac]

14 minutes ago, maize said:

When you have been on meds for awhile you can often get refills through a family practice doctor if that is less expensive. 

My regular doctor wrote them to begin with. 

[heartlikealion]

15 minutes ago, maize said:

When you have been on meds for awhile you can often get refills through a family practice doctor if that is less expensive. 

I think the visits were more or less on par. The psych might have been more than the dr if he was listed as a specialist but for out of pocket I’m guessing about the same. My oop fee at urgent care was $125. I think an oop primary care visit is roughly the same. And the psych is $103. But I can look around and get quotes. 

[itsheresomewhere]

If you are a prime member- Amazon has a pharmacy now that I hear is pretty good for pricing. Non prime members can still use it and have access to the discounted pricing but pay a fee for shipping (6 I think). 

[Harriet Vane]

3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

It was more the money. $199/week is what I get. $103 for psych follow ups w/o ins. Gas, food, hotel, child support, cell phone and storage unit costs add up each month. Hopefully I’ll have job or stipend soon. 

I hear you, and your struggle over payment is real and valid. I'm sorry--I posted quickly and should have written a more nuanced answer. 

I was dirt poor for many years and I remember all too well the pressure I felt for a season when I was totally uninsured. So yeah, I get it. Unfortunately I think your meds fall into the category of essentials right now. 

Two options that may help in the short term are substitute teaching or babysitting through Care.com. Another is housecleaning. None are ideal and I am not trying to minimize either your focus on a career-advancing job or the difficulties of picking up any work at all. I just mention those three because they are flexible and they are a way to keep a trickle of cash coming in if other options do not pan out. I did housecleaning for years. One of my daughter's friends does substitute teaching as a way of supporting her career as an actress. A dear friend of mine was able to earn quite a bit doing babysitting. 

And I do pray that a career-advancing job that you can genuinely enjoy comes along. 

[heartlikealion]

10 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

I hear you, and your struggle over payment is real and valid. I'm sorry--I posted quickly and should have written a more nuanced answer. 

I was dirt poor for many years and I remember all too well the pressure I felt for a season when I was totally uninsured. So yeah, I get it. Unfortunately I think your meds fall into the category of essentials right now. 

Two options that may help in the short term are substitute teaching or babysitting through Care.com. Another is housecleaning. None are ideal and I am not trying to minimize either your focus on a career-advancing job or the difficulties of picking up any work at all. I just mention those three because they are flexible and they are a way to keep a trickle of cash coming in if other options do not pan out. I did housecleaning for years. One of my daughter's friends does substitute teaching as a way of supporting her career as an actress. A dear friend of mine was able to earn quite a bit doing babysitting. 

And I do pray that a career-advancing job that you can genuinely enjoy comes along. 

You may have missed it where I said I’d rather not take odd jobs now and removed my care dot com profile. If I make $40 or more from any job I have to report it and then it’s deducted from my current unemployment earnings. It’s just not worth it imo. The gymnastics to set up appointments, drive there, etc. Then potentially lose $ every week because of one odd job. 
 

also I’ve had no luck on the care site. 

Edited August 25, 2023 by heartlikealion

[PeterPan]

45 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I’d rather not take odd jobs now

I don't know the economics of your state, but in our state RBT workers, which are something you can train for quickly and might enjoy, are highly in demand. It looks like you might be able to complete the training portion for free online. https://autismpartnershipfoundation.org/product/rbt/

It would be a job with rather unlimited potential for hours if your state has funding for disability services. 

[heartlikealion]

6 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

I don't know the economics of your state, but in our state RBT workers, which are something you can train for quickly and might enjoy, are highly in demand. It looks like you might be able to complete the training portion for free online. https://autismpartnershipfoundation.org/product/rbt/

It would be a job with rather unlimited potential for hours if your state has funding for disability services. 

That sounds really cool. I’ll look more into it. Thank you

[heartlikealion]

I called the construction group to ask if there was any news. They said they had to send out emails still. A couple hours later I got the email saying I was accepted and class begins Sept 18. 

I’m not sure if I’ll have answers from the comm college job by then but hopefully. 

Dd and I are just going to eat dinner at my dad’s and I’m going to bake off some chicken to take back to my hotel. 

There’s a special $4 movie day Aug 27. If it applies to our theatre I may take dd Sunday. 

Edited August 25, 2023 by heartlikealion

[Kanin]

3 hours ago, PeterPan said:

I don't know the economics of your state, but in our state RBT workers, which are something you can train for quickly and might enjoy, are highly in demand. It looks like you might be able to complete the training portion for free online. https://autismpartnershipfoundation.org/product/rbt/

It would be a job with rather unlimited potential for hours if your state has funding for disability services. 

That is an absolutely fantastic idea!!!!!!!

It's such a fascinating field. The training is like $85, and it's all online. You just need to take a test after. I've been looking into becoming a BCBA, which is the person who supervises the RBTs. 

YAY! Such a great idea. 

[heartlikealion]

Sometimes I wonder if my purpose on earth is to learn things the hard way so others don't have to. I got this letter in the mail saying I was not approved for SNAP due to lack of info (info I dropped off in person like a week ago). I called to ask if this letter was a mistake, like things crossed in the mail (this happens a lot. I got a letter snail mail from unemployment telling me about a meeting the DAY of the meeting, after I got back from it). 

They looked up my account and said it was pending. The employee said you won't get much since you're already getting unemployment. I said well I have other expenses like I pay child support. She said that can be reported and I said no where on the form did I see it ask if I PAY child support, only if I receive it. She opened the form up and read the section to me which said something like, "I pay costs for dependents" and I said well no where have I been able to refer to my children as "dependents" because their father has primary custody and he gets to claim them on taxes, not me. She said in this case I should have marked yes (what a dumb form!!). So I asked what other expenses can I bring proof of that might affect my SNAP benefits? She said things like rent/utilities. The storage unit doesn't count and she wasn't sure about my cell phone bill. So I printed off the court document stating I pay child support/amount and my last two cell phone bills and took all that to the building. I also had my new hotel print a summary of my current fees paid/dates I'm here and updated the address again. Maybe something I dropped off will help as they determine what I will receive.