BakersDozen Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 My girl is finishing up spring semester in Boston and is struggling with her health, sleep, stress, etc. She was diagnosed with mono about a month ago and there's just a lot going on. She is flying home on Monday and I am considering going out tomorrow and being there for whatever she might need, even if it's just knowing I'm there to help pack boxes, etc. She's one tough cookie and has really pushed through this year despite almost constant illness in the fall and then mono in the spring. But I can tell from her messages that she's just done - she's tired and desperately needs physical, mental and emotional rest. Do I go? I would need to buy the ticket basically now and would fly back with her on Monday. WWYD? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 If you offer to go, would she give you an honest answer as to whether she wants you there? I would ask her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted May 11, 2022 Author Share Posted May 11, 2022 Just now, Jean in Newcastle said: If you offer to go, would she give you an honest answer as to whether she wants you there? I would ask her. I discussed it with her at the end of last week and the answer was that she could use the help (and presence) but the practical side said to just wait and she'd be home soon. But I'm reading her messages and feel that the practical side is outweighed by the emotions. She's not a dramatic kind of girl and she is adept at figuring things out and making things work. So to know that she's as stressed as she is - that she would even express it - is what has me wondering if I should be with her. She would not be upset if I was there, that I know. She just doesn't want to inconvenience anyone so would justify waiting this out over spending the money, etc., even if she would want someone there. Does that make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 If she's fine with you going, and you could swing logistics like a place to stay etc., then I would go. (I have been chronically ill for 30 plus years since getting mono in college. I can still remember how exhausted I was with mono.) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 Just to put it out there, flights and hotels are insanely expensive right now. We have to do an overnight in Boston soon for a very early morning flight and couldn’t find anything (I mean, literally anything at all) for under nearly $300 for the date we needed, and we were lucky to get that. I’ve never seen anything like it. So assuming cost matters, it might be something to consider. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 We have not been traveling since the beginning of the pandemic so I’m not really aware of current costs of flights, etc., but if you can swing it cost wise and have the time, I would go to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 Follow the mama gut. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 (edited) I would really, really want to help her if I seen her struggle and she wanted my help. My practical side wouldn't want to pay so much for tickets but if that was NBD and you could leave, I would. Even as adults we need help from others at times (I've needed and help from my Mom much more often than I've got it). Edited May 11, 2022 by Soror Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 I would go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 If you have the $ go. I would mean a lot to her. I have her same practical nature that doesn’t want ro bother people. I never forget the people who push past my “it’s fine, I’ll be ok.” To help me when I really need the help. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 Go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 Go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 (edited) Honestly, I would do the work to make sure it would work logistically and financially. But I would trust her to give a solid yes or no. I also think young people that might mean no might soften it with oh that would be really nice but maybe it won’t work out. I think sometimes they also vent without you wanting to solve anything which I totally get can be hard for a mama. If you have a solid tentative plan, maybe she’d feel more empowered to give a yes or no with that info in terms of time frame, what she needs to do, etc I would also consider if she has a good social group that may be helpful and they might be having some final bonding before a send off. If she struggled socially this year, I’d be pushier about going. Edited May 11, 2022 by catz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 8 minutes ago, catz said: Honestly, I would do the work to make sure it would work logistically and financially. But I would trust her to give a solid yes or no. I also think young people that might mean no might soften it with oh that would be really nice but maybe it won’t work out. I think sometimes they also vent without you wanting to solve anything which I totally get can be hard for a mama. If you have a solid tentative plan, maybe she’d feel more empowered to give a yes or no with that info in terms of time frame, what she needs to do, etc I would also consider if she has a good social group that may be helpful and they might be having some final bonding before a send off. If she struggled socially this year, I’d be pushier about going. She told her mom she could use the help and presence. She has been pretty sick this whole school year. I had mono in 9th grade and it laid me out for a month (I was out of school for that long) and too, a long time to get back to 100%. Her mama gut is saying to go. If it is affordable and she can go, she should. My mom would have come to me in this situation and I would have hugged her so hard and cried (good tears) when I saw her. Even though I could have handled the situation my self. I would go to my boys in this situation - in a heartbeat. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 Come to Boston if your intuition is telling you to go and you and your family can handle the scheduling stuff and money. And then you can visit me too! 😉 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, mlktwins said: She told her mom she could use the help and presence. She has been pretty sick this whole school year. I had mono in 9th grade and it laid me out for a month (I was out of school for that long) and too, a long time to get back to 100%. Her mama gut is saying to go. If it is affordable and she can go, she should. My mom would have come to me in this situation and I would have hugged her so hard and cried (good tears) when I saw her. Even though I could have handled the situation my self. I would go to my boys in this situation - in a heartbeat. I specifically said she should listen to and trust her daughter. Some kids might be afraid of hurting mom’s feelings by saying no directly. I have a college student. There have been times it’s clear he wants a parent and times it is clear he doesn’t even if he doesn’t always verbalize it perfectly. one thing that might be telling and a good indicator is if she will stay with you in a hotel (or wherever). That would be a good indicator she is ready to be coddled a bit and away from campus. If she wants her last days in the dorm/housing, she may want some space. And that also doesn’t mean don’t go necessarily depending on logistics. eta i think the decision for Bakers is more complex than it may be for many here. It is my understanding this dd was a qwestbridge college applicant making the financial piece complex and this is a parent of many. Her slightly older dd had emergency surgery last month and she didn’t mention traveling to her as she recovered and I think many parents would have wanted to make that trip (and of course I’m not saying she didn’t or didn’t offer. Or did and didn’t document it. Just that logistics and finances may have been more complex). My DH had to do an emergency trip to Boston last week for work for 4 days and I think it ran close to 2K with coach airfare and basic accommodations. Edited May 11, 2022 by catz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Jessica* Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 If you can afford it, go! I had mono as a teen and it was 6 months before my energy levels were back to normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 I would probably go, if i could afford it. My own dd had mono in college, and she pushed herself so hard to keep up that she relapsed and got it again. It took her a long, long time to feel back to normal. Maybe your being there can lighten the burden a bit during a very busy period, and even give her a chance to rest now and then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 If I could male the money work and find a place to stay, I would go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 If you can afford it - go! I know the year I had mono in school it was so bad. And it took me so long to recover from something like packing and exams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 Oh I thought of another thing that I've seen work SO well at my son's school though maybe you are on a plane by now. But might be for helpful for other families as they send kids off to college. We have a social media parent board on FB for my kid's university and I've seen kids get on the group help with SO many things by just posting something like "My daughter is recorvering from a long illness and needs help hauling boxes to storage, etc etc etc." with a group of 10 frat guys showing up in an hour or "My kid needs a ride to the airport" or "my kid is needs to stay overnight X on travels any recommendations" and a follow up with 6 invitations for home cooked meals and transport. I dropped off something my kid desperately needed with someone within 10 minutes of me and it was delivered to him for free 5 hours away within 24 hours when I posted a check to see if anyone was travelling. A lot of magic happens in that campus community! I highly recommend looking for those types of boards as kids head to college. Just another thought if logistics aren't working and for other parents that may be sending kids off for the first time in the fall. His university also has a parent and family org that can help facilitate some things in emergency situations, it's good to have those contacts before you need them. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted May 11, 2022 Author Share Posted May 11, 2022 (edited) Thank you all for your input. Yes, my "gut" told me to GO. But dd has been talking to me and her sisters today for which I am so grateful. She's not done what my 2 older girls did which was to attempt everything on their own and put out an "I'm fine" message when they really were not. I have a cousin (she lives about 2 hours away) on stand-by should my dd need immediate help and dd says she is doing better today. If that changes over the course of today, I'll go tomorrow (flights still available at this point). 5 hours ago, catz said: Her slightly older dd had emergency surgery last month and she didn’t mention traveling to her as she recovered and I think many parents would have wanted to make that trip (and of course I’m not saying she didn’t or didn’t offer. Or did and didn’t document it. Just that logistics and finances may have been more complex). You are correct (good memory!) - dd had an appendectomy and was in the hospital for multiple days. I could not visit her due to hospital restrictions 😞 but her boyfriend did an amazing job caring for her and keeping us updated constantly. My bag was packed and ready to go had she said the word, though! The situation felt a bit different because I knew she was getting 24/7 care either in the hospital or at home. I will look for a social media/parent board at her school - thanks for the idea! We're working like crazy to make dd's space ready for her arrival and will make it as spa-like as possible so she can rest, rest, rest. I am very grateful that the responses were so gentle and encouraging. She's our fifth dc but the first to be this far away. And good grief, what is with my dds and their health??? Emergency appendectomy, mono plus who knows what last fall for 18yodd, and of course my oldest ending up in a diabetic coma because she and her now-dh would not listen to anyone...4 more girls to go...hopefully they are healthier or at least don't wait to seek care until things are really bad. Edited May 11, 2022 by BakersDozen 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 11, 2022 Share Posted May 11, 2022 That is a really rough run for a mama! I'm glad things are holding steady and she is feeling better today. It is so nice you have a relative in reasonable range! Monday is coming! ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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