This year is worse than last year

[busymama7]

Sigh. Last Christmas was a bit of a blur because I had covid in early November and wasn't better yet.  It was ok though because I just knew I had fought off a nasty sickness and was glad to be alive.   However, this year? I'm just depressed.   I still feel horrible. I am trying so hard to do all the Christmas things (not really we cut back) but I just have so little energy and I'm in so much pain.  I have new this last week or so joint pain in my hips/upper legs so there really is no comfortable position at all.  

Our big dinner is tonight and I found out yesterday that my son,wife and grand baby aren't coming.  No real good reason. They spent last Christmas out of the country with her family and some of her family came here this year so I guess they just are spending it with them again.  No warning for me so I bought gifts for them (we get one on our plates at Christmas Eve dinner) etc.  Grandbaby is 18 months and we didn't get to spend last Christmas or his birthday with him so I'm feeling pretty down about that.  

I'm laying in bed after getting some of the food started. My son in law is being super helpful so that's nice.   But I'm still going to have to drag myself down there to finish up. I hurt, I'm tired, I'm crying and it sucks.  I love Christmas. My youngest is 7 and I should be enjoying this for her especially but I just don't feel anything but sadness.  

I have no idea if I will ever be better and back to myself.  It sucks. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Hilltopmom]

So sorry you’re struggling.

[Corraleno]

I'm so sorry busymama. I fervently hope there will be treatments for long covid very soon and that the new year will bring you back to full health. (((hugs)))

[Kassia]

I'm so sorry.  This is a tough time of year for so many of us.  I hope you feel better soon.  

If misery loves company, I can tell you that I am right there with you.  Deeply depressed and hurting physically in addition to all kinds of covid stress causing family tensions.  Too much to get into here but know you're not alone.  

Big hugs to you.

[Anne]

Praying for you, and @Kassia, and others who are struggling this season.  Sending big hugs to each one of you. 

Anne

[Ditto]

I'm very sorry.      Praying for you.

[mom2scouts]

I'm sorry. We're recovering from Covid and I won't be able to see my 18 month old grandchild again this year either. I'm sorry you're struggling. It's really hard this year.

[Innisfree]

I'm so sorry. I hope 2022 brings healing and relief for you. This is such a hard time of year when things aren't going well.

[busymama7]

Thank you everyone.  My sister in law showed up early to help with food so that helped and I am just ignoring the fact that my son is not showing up.  I am actually super angry that the holiday split is now 100 her family and 0 our family.  To be clear, we have a good relationship. It isn't that.  I think his wife is just super demanding and he is letting her call all the shots.   Christmas Eve is a BIG deal in our family.  We have no expectations for Christmas day.  Everyone tends to stay at their own house with their kids and toys and that works well. But gathering Christmas Eve is a long held tradition and it just is a gut punch to have him skip it.  And he hasn't even told me directly. Just told my daughter "they are still talking about it" which means they aren't coming but he's a pansy and won't say it. 

Ive had my cry and now I've had my anger moment.  I'm trying to let it go I really am.  Not feeling well  is just compounding it all.  

[Frances]

I so hope 2022 is better for you. Sending many good wishes and positive thoughts your way. What a blessing to have helpful in-laws.

[mommyoffive]

Sending some hugs.  I am sorry.

[Guest]

I’m sorry busy mama. I think it’s difficult to figure out what holidays to celebrate where. This was such a let down of a Christmas for me, due to Covid, either actively (actual positive test) or passively (threat/risk of gathering). I’m so hoping, after two years of weird holidays, maybe, *maybe* 2022 will be something like normal. 
 

[melmichigan]

I am sorry you are struggling.

[Lisa]

That is so disappointing and hurtful. I"m so sorry. Praying your feel better soon and your son stands up for you.

[BlsdMama]

Gently, I’d encourage you to pursue a diagnosis for your pain. It will help you and those around you understand. Part of (medical reasons  induced) depression is unrealistic expectations of yourself and disappointment in your ability to cope and carry on like “normal.”

 On the second part, I’m so sorry this Christmas has been so hard. When we marry and make babies, we try to create our own traditions and fold in some of our childhood traditions. It would be interesting to talk to hear and internalize what her own family has always done and why those traditions are held close to her heart.

 

 Until now, we had held our traditions close. This year completely broke our traditions in order to have both of our daughters and their husbands here on the same night and it was very uncomfortable for DH and I because we were shooting from the hip. At one point DH and I were both angry and hurt, but it was a mix of misunderstanding, unvoiced expectations, and general clunkiness of us not pre-planning “new” traditions - an oxymoron if there ever was one. I think this stuff is normal growing pains when we add to the family, especially daughters in laws, oddly. We’re in the spot that we recognize the new little families need to make their own traditions and we need to be flexible so that we can find our piece in their puzzle as grandparents. We want to make that easy because I see how my own daughter is trying hard to do this with a new family that is trying to maintain their traditions but their, “This is how we’ve always done it,” makes it so so hard. 😞 At the same time, WE still have little kids… we created our traditions intentionally and I want my little to have and experience those same traditions that are now flexing to accommodate adult children with their own families. It’s just hard, hard, hard.  A huge hug to you. Struggling with these changes and medical crap makes the holidays hard and disappointing in many ways. 😔 

Edited December 26, 2021 by BlsdMama

[Janeway]

I hope your son and DIL realize what they are doing. My first Christmas with my husband, my mother-in-law insisted on a family only thing which meant no me. The second Christmas (and this actually started weeks before including Thanksgiving at all), and she demanded that my baby be at her house pretty much every day even when we had to work and everything else. As Christmas came around, she continued the tirade. I never saw anyone do such a thing so I ended up not really seeing my own side of the family that year. Then, in the spring, when MIL pulled the same stuff, I put my foot down and said I would be seeing my own parents for Easter and Mother’s Day. It sent my mother-in-law into such a spiral of anger that, well, you can read my other post about gaslighting I had a divorce attorney by Midsummer. 

Edited December 26, 2021 by Janeway

[busymama7]

Update:

My son and wife and baby came over Christmas day for a couple hours and we exchanged gifts and had a lovely time.  I ignored my hurt  and tried to focus on the good. I am definitely still hurt about Christmas Eve but I know I have to not cause a major ruckus.   As blessedmama said,there are just a lot of growing pains with new inlaws (3 of my older kids are now married) and youngers all the ways down to 7.  I don't understand why they did what they did but I'm trying to let it go.  It's the second Christmas Eve that they ditched us very last minute after gifts were bought etc but as the in law I know that I have to just let it go if I want to see the baby etc.  

As far as a diagnosis, we are working on it.  At this point it is mixed connective tissue disease most likely triggered by COVID-19 last year.   Aside from that, there is very little resolution coming to any long haulers.  Too much unknown at this point.  The joint pain is increasing severely the last two weeks.   I'm hoping it settles down when I can get more rest. It's a very confusing thing because I'm not sure if I need to move more (walking, exercise etc) or rest when I hurt.  

 

[KSera]

51 minutes ago, busymama7 said:

As blessedmama said

Side note, but for some reason I never translated Blsdmama's name to that, and now I don't know how I didn't see it! Thank you. I always thought of it like an acronym, like kids' initials or something else (though I know she has many more kids than that!).

[busymama7]

26 minutes ago, KSera said:

Side note, but for some reason I never translated Blsdmama's name to that, and now I don't know how I didn't see it! Thank you. I always thought of it like an acronym, like kids' initials or something else (though I know she has many more kids than that!).

That's funny. I couldn't remember the abbreviation so I just typed it out 🤣

[Harriet Vane]

On 12/26/2021 at 3:26 PM, busymama7 said:

Update:

My son and wife and baby came over Christmas day for a couple hours and we exchanged gifts and had a lovely time.  I ignored my hurt  and tried to focus on the good. I am definitely still hurt about Christmas Eve but I know I have to not cause a major ruckus.   As blessedmama said,there are just a lot of growing pains with new inlaws (3 of my older kids are now married) and youngers all the ways down to 7.  I don't understand why they did what they did but I'm trying to let it go.  It's the second Christmas Eve that they ditched us very last minute after gifts were bought etc but as the in law I know that I have to just let it go if I want to see the baby etc.  

As far as a diagnosis, we are working on it.  At this point it is mixed connective tissue disease most likely triggered by COVID-19 last year.   Aside from that, there is very little resolution coming to any long haulers.  Too much unknown at this point.  The joint pain is increasing severely the last two weeks.   I'm hoping it settles down when I can get more rest. It's a very confusing thing because I'm not sure if I need to move more (walking, exercise etc) or rest when I hurt.  

 

Re your joint aches, with a major illness it is not uncommon to develop some digestive dysfunction as well. I have EDS (a connective tissue disorder). I am both lactose-intolerant and gluten-intolerant after a major illness with sepsis. My joint aches improved dramatically when I gave up gluten in particular.