Ear piercing or not? (my daughter is asking too)

[Janeway]

I am hoping to get opinions and/or advice. I do not want my daughter to get her ears pierced. My ears are pierced and I do not wear earrings and I have never liked it. Plus, daughter seems to have ADD or something. She constantly loses things and her room is a mess. Dropping things, forgetting things, heading to the park and realizing she forgot her shoes, is a common thing. And it is not like ear piercing is her only request. She is all about the girly nails done, make up, etc. I do not want to squash who she is and I actually do not have objection to make up and such, it is just the extreme she has gone with thinking she NEEDS it to be pretty and such. But, I am not sure I should be saying she cannot have earrings over these things. However, there is the looming feeling that I would rather she not have earrings. It feels like a permanent change to her body (which it is) and I am not eager for my nine year old to have. On the other hand, many little girls in American society do. 

So I told her I would ask you all and we would see what you all think. Please give me your opinions. Thanks! 

[Not_a_Number]

If you do it any later, they’ll keep healing over. It’s far better to get it done at her age so they stay open whether she wears earrings or not.

[purpleowl]

I got my ears pierced not quite three years ago, at age 37, so my own experience is odd. 😉 And neither of my daughters wants pierced ears.

But I will say that I find earrings annoying to deal with while wearing a mask, especially the dangle earrings, which I prefer. So I would encourage her to wait until masks are not a daily reality. That would also give her some time to mature in terms of keeping up with and caring for her stuff, which it sounds like is part of your concern. 

[Bambam]

One of mine wanted her ears pierced when she was maybe 12. I took her and her younger sister (who had been asking for much longer). Both were good about personal hygiene, keeping track of their stuff, managing basic life things, etc. 

12 yo got tired of the ear piercing quite soon. Her ears did close up. About age 20 (or so) she had them re-pierced, and she is happy with them (2 years later). Younger girl has always taken excellent care of hers. She is now almost 20. 

So, I don't think of ear piercing as substantial body modification, and, at least in our experience, if she stops wearing earrings, they may well close up. 

I would probably set some sort of maturity guide and inform her of it and when she meets those standards, she can get them pierced (i.e. brushes teeth morning and night without reminders, general bathing, - but all without regular reminders, sometimes it is okay to remind, but only as an exception.)

[alisoncooks]

My DD got hers done last year at 13. We went to a piercing studio. It was pricey ($100) and took about a year to fully heal. So...just a heads up, that may be a possibility and it required continued care and carefulness. (DD is a slow healer.)

I don't have a prob with piercings, but it would bother me if my child felt she *needed* an external beautifier. Does she currently have nail stuff? If not, maybe that can be a stepping stone (i.e. be responsible with this and next year you can get piercings?)

[Ali in OR]

What other activities does she do? For my ballet dancer, earrings were often part of the costume (as a teen dancer in the highest group, not as a young girl). For my soccer player, no earrings are allowed during games and my dd did not have pierced ears for a long time because she knew it would be too much of a pain to have to always take them out and find a safe place for them at games. Both dds got their ears pierced, the dancer around age 12 and the soccer player in high school--maybe 14? 9 seems a little young to me, but I would set an age when it would be ok. It's a nice milestone to look forward to at age 12 when so much else in life is in upheaval.

[Emba]

My DD got her ears pierced this year at 14. She’d expressed a desire for pierced ears much earlier, but when I finally gave permission when she was 12, she chickened out. As it was she nearly chickened out at 14 because a 5 year old ahead of her was screaming and crying as she had hers done.

I didn’t give permission earlier because I knew she wouldn’t do the care necessary to keep them from closing up or getting infected.  At 14 I still had my doubts, but she was really good about it. I did tell her that if she didn’t take care of the piercing, I wouldn’t pay to have it redone, or take her to get it redone any time soon.

i got my ears pierced at 14. I wore earrings a lot, and even had a second piercing done higher up on the ear. Now those holes are all closed, and I never wear earrings, but it took literally years of not wearing earrings for the first holes I had done to close up. But the holes are nearly unnoticeable. As permanent modifications go, it’s pretty much without consequences if she changes her mind later in life.

 Claire’s does sell clip on earrings, or did a few years ago. If you’re not ready to let her get her ears pierced, that might be a compromise. Some of them were really tight though, and I pried  them open a bit to not squeeze so hard. That makes them more likely to fall off and be lost, though.

 

[Ailaena]

1 hour ago, Not_a_Number said:

If you do it any later, they’ll keep healing over. It’s far better to get it done at her age so they stay open whether she wears earrings or not.

That’s not true?  Why would they keep healing over based on age?  Why would they stay open when you’re young?

The healing over (or not) part can happen based on the body’s reaction regardless of age.   But the rate of holes closing up is based on time of having holes, not exactly age.  If you have them for a year, they’ll close up faster than if you had them for 10 years.   

OP, sounds like you’re against it at this age with this child, so just say no for now.  Buy her a fancy nail kit or hair things or other jewelry things? 

ETA: if you don’t think she can keep them clean while healing, hard no.   Can she afford to buy new earrings when she loses them?  Why noT try clip-on earrings?

 

 

Edited November 6, 2020 by Ailaena

[Beth S]

IMO this is more of an issue b/c she's only 9yo.
Consider having her experiment with magnetic pairs (to see if they get lost, etc).
If she has to buy the beauty items, she would naturally be more limited in her options.
 

[J-rap]

Ear piercings are nothing, they are the least of problems! 🙂  If she loses earrings, she loses earrings.  It will be her responsibility, and it doesn't really matter how that plays out.  

I was always a natural wannabe hippie type of gal, but I loved earrings -- I had 1 in one ear and 3 in another (secretly, but I know my parents knew.  :D) .  I had my dd's ears pierced when they were babies.  Pierced ears were simply a fashion statement as my girls got older, and a couple of my dd's don't even wear earrings at all anymore.  They all went through a makeup/girly stage from about 14 - 17, but eventually moved beyond that to a mostly natural look.  It's all part of growing up and finding your identity.  No big deal.

[Acorn]

My child asked at age 10. I would have agreed earlier but the child didn’t have interest. We went to a tattoo/piercing parlor. It cost more but I really like the barbells  that were the first earrings, round balls on both ends and longer than earlobe to give room for swelling and rinsing.

Edited November 6, 2020 by Acorn

[Acorn]

Dp

Edited November 6, 2020 by Acorn

[rebcoola]

My kids got earring when they asked and they understood it hurt.   Yes, it's a permanent change but it's very small and has almost no consequence for changing your mind.

[Jentrovert]

I wasn't allowed to pierce mine until I was 13. This was very late, compared to my peers, and that decision is not something I would make for my kids if they wanted earrings. As modifications go, it is really pretty standard.

I had dd8's pierced when she was . . . I'm not sure. Three, maybe? It was no big deal, they were both pierced at once and it was over. She has adhd and is not great at remembering things, but that doesn't really matter because she just has a small stud that stays in all the time. I check periodically to make sure the back is still screwed on tight. She is one who needs good earrings or they bother her ears. Since she has no particular interest in changing them regularly, and good earrings are more expensive, we stick with the one pair.

Re growing in, I had a second hole done in mine around the same time, (man, did it hurt! It's not high up, just above my original hole, but for whatever reason it was extremely uncomfortable and took forever to heal.)

For the last few months I haven't been wearing earrings in those holes, but recently got a small stud to leave in all the time. One of them was partially closed in. I could insert it a little, but couldn't push it through. I had dh push it through. It took some time and I would not recommend the experience. 

I don't think age at which you got them matters so much as how long you've had them. Before we put the studs in dd's and left them, there were a couple times she didn't wear earrings for a week or two,  and it was always a tight fit to get them back in. I have no doubt they would have closed up had we left earrings out a long time.

[Not_a_Number]

1 hour ago, Ailaena said:

That’s not true?  Why would they keep healing over based on age?  Why would they stay open when you’re young?

Just my experience, having watched a few people get piercings. I can't find a reference, though, so I'm now curious if that's true or not 🙂 . 

[gardenmom5]

She's nine. . . . 

I wouldn't allow my daughter's to have ears pierced until they were 12 (and I have pierced ears).    

1st and most important rule for me: - they have to be able to consistently care for the holes while they heal. 

 

Your dd doesn't sound like she's there yet.

[gardenmom5]

dp.

Edited November 6, 2020 by gardenmom5

[G5052]

I offered that at 12. She initially did fine keeping them clean but then got an infection. Certain piercing techniques are more prone to infection (gun versus a needle with a trained professional). 

She had a second piercing done on her ear with a professional in January, and it healed perfectly. We went to a piercing studio. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Ear piercing was huge when we lived in Texas. My older daughter was the last of her friends to have her ears done, and she had a difficult time healing. We did our younger daughter’s ears at 4, and it healed much better.

We bought our daughters one pair of white gold cubic zirconia studs with locking caps and just left them in for a year. They still wear their studs daily, 24/7, and don’t really change them. (They do twist them to make sure they don’t adhere.)

Once we got past the initial cleaning/healing phase it has been essentially no work from me. My girls are both highly allergic to cheap metals, so swapping earrings isn’t huge for them. I bought a pair of white gold hoops for older daughter and they each have a spare pair of studs with locking caps for when they want a different look.

It sounds like you don’t want to do it, which is a different dynamic altogether.

[Shoeless]

I had mine pierced at age 6-ish. If your kids are brushing their teeth independently then they can handle the minimal care of pierced ears. 

I had a second set of piercings done when I was in college. Again, the aftercare is minimal. 

I am surprised this is such a big deal for a lot of people. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I think I was 5 or 6 when I had my first holes done, then a teen for my second holes. I cleaned them myself. My 3 girls got theirs pierced when they wanted them, ages 3ish-I dunno 5 or 6 at the mall. Aftercare was no big deal, I just cleaned them or they cleaned them depending on age. I think a couple of them each had a short lived minor infection once, which was no big deal to treat. 

I too am surprised by this being a big deal for some people.

[mmasc]

I got mine pierced at age 9. I had wanted them for a long time. I took care of them on my own, other than my mom buying the necessary Sea Breeze 😊

I still wear earrings in those original holes and I’m so glad I got them at 9. The ones I got in high school (two holes in one ear and another one in the other) all closed up when I didn’t wear earrings for a bit. I have no idea why because I went through a couple of years without wearing earrings at all, but my original holes stayed open.