How do you handle children that refuse to eat what is served at dinner?

[Arcadia]

What does the OP mean by desserts?

 

My side of the family is very big and we tend to do appetizers, main dishes and desserts for gatherings. So desserts are usually quite healthy like fruit platters, home baked goodies.

 

My husband’s side of the family define desserts as treats like ice-cream, store bought savory tarts, sugary treats. They don’t do/bring appetizers or desserts for gatherings so every dish is a main meal. One of his aunt’s husband is used to desserts so he would buy some savory tarts (more than enough for all kids present) and bring those along with what his wife cooked for the gatherings.

 

Surely you don't mean to tell us your 2 y/o went for two months without food until he was so starved that he ate his veggies?

I read it as she did not allow her child to have outside food at church or any other places so the child has to eat whatever is available at home.

[regentrude]

I read it as she did not allow her child to have outside food at church or any other places so the child has to eat whatever is available at home.

 

So what did  the child eat at home if all that was served were vegetables which he refused?

[Ellie]

So I guess just make sure to rule out any sensory issues or allergies before gearing up for battle. 

 

:iagree:

 

My older dd could not tolerate potatoes in any way, shape, or form. Not french fries, not potato chips, not mashed or baked. Nothing. It just happened one day when she was three. She threw up some french fries one day, and that was that. I didn't put potatoes on her plate or otherwise try to encourage her to eat them. I also didn't make anything special for her at a meal when I served potatoes.

 

Years later, she spent time being vegan; her favorite book was the McDougall Diet; if you don't like potatoes, you are SOL because they are a mainstay of the diet. :D

[Bluegoat]

So what did  the child eat at home if all that was served were vegetables which he refused?

 

I'd say he stopped refusing.

[SKL]

FTR when my kids won't eat vegetables, I give them fruit.  It's easier to tolerate and has just as many nutrients.  I am sure they will develop a palate for vegetables someday.

 

And I put my kids on a vitamin when they went to preschool, because the preschool served a lot of things I knew my picky kid wouldn't eat.  She started losing weight when she started school, and she was already about 3rd %ile for weight, so I caved.  (Before that I planned for all their nutrients to come from food.)  So anyhoo - with my kids on good vitamins, I don't worry so much if they don't eat as many veggies as I'd like them to.

 

Of course this is not ideal, and I should really do something about it.  However, one must always pick one's battles.  I would rather see my picky kid eat something than fight and eat no meal (then sneak sugar bc she's starving).  These problems were not there when they were little, so this is not about me being a lazy, permissive mom.  Life is complex.  Sometimes I just have to focus on the positive so we all keep moving.

[Arcadia]

I guess it just grates on me. My mom used to feed sweets to my kids behind my back. There just doesn't seem to be very much respect for people who are trying to do better. It's not fair.

My in-laws broke my husband’s trust in them when it comes to food and babysitting when MIL tried to feed shrimps to his sister’s kids who are allergic to shrimp and FIL tease the grandkids with beer and let them have a sip even though he knows his children are against it. My husband heard his mom said “don’t tell your mommy (her daughter)†and he ended up quarreling with his mom over that. My in-laws just don’t believe in food allergies despite everyone else (relatives and family friends) lambasting them. My in-laws have earned the notoriety of not to be trusted with food.

 

Red food dye made my kids cranky. My husband believed it when he sees it, the results are almost immediate. Doritos and Cheetos are often given out at parties, so when I mentioned why I rationed food with FD&C Red 40 he noticed the pattern with red dye and our kids having meltdowns. When his relatives didn’t believe it was that bad, he lets them “suffer†through our kids meltdowns. His aunts and their husband’s have never sneak food behind anybody’s back and we trust them to babysit.

 

Maybe like mine did? PBJ and mac and cheese?? That's what I resorted to. Sigh.

My picky eater survived on gallons and gallons of milk and maintained 99th percentile for height and weight until he was 3 years old and he was rarely sick. My kid who eats everything was the sickly kid and failure to thrive toddler. Their digestive system just react differently. Their pediatrician was amused but not concerned that my picky eater is so picky since he was very alert, active and thriving and not anemic unlike my eat everything kid. Edited October 27, 2017 by Arcadia

[Bluegoat]

On a slight rabbit trail....so when your kids are young, you can shelter them from bad food and they are none the wiser. Then, as they grow, you can try to educate them about food choices. But when they go off to school, or youth camp, or a birthday party, or a church dinner...well, there is nothing but junk there. There is a party every time you turn around these days. Cupcakes, soda, candy, and chips galore. What's a parent to do? It's almost impossible in this culture to cultivate in a child a life-long desire and love for good food. And, when you are out in the world, it's not seen as a positive thing if you don't allow your kids to have candy and cupcakes. I still remember the moms at church talking behind the backs of a family who wouldn't allow their kids to have cookies and Kool-Aid. They were rolling their eyes. I remember thinking, really, what is wrong with that? Is that REALLY so weird?  I just thought it was unfair and mean to think of this family that way when all they were doing was to try to raise healthy kids who knew how to make smart food choices. One day the young girls had a bit of soda, and the moms were giggling to themselves, "Oh, if their mom only knew!"  The moms at church just saw them as weirdos. 

 

I guess it just grates on me. My mom used to feed sweets to my kids behind my back. There just doesn't seem to be very much respect for people who are trying to do better. It's not fair.  

 

School pizza and cupcakes at scouts just doesn't make it so easy. Okay. I'm done.

 

I think these are rather peculiar situations.  I can kind of see it from both sides.

 

I think public events and things tend to have way too much junky food.  OTOH, the opposite extreme at schools and such - no cake allowed, say, even at major celebrations - also seems kind of unbalanced to me, and I've not seen a high level of control over food work well in most cases.

[eternalsummer]

I'd say he stopped refusing.

 

But it can't have taken him two months to stop refusing.  I would be alarmed if someone had refused her child food that he would eat for 2 days.

[eternalsummer]

I think these are rather peculiar situations.  I can kind of see it from both sides.

 

I think public events and things tend to have way too much junky food.  OTOH, the opposite extreme at schools and such - no cake allowed, say, even at major celebrations - also seems kind of unbalanced to me, and I've not seen a high level of control over food work well in most cases.

 

 

I don't mind the junk food at public events and social gatherings and etc.  Maybe we just don't get out that much, but these kinds of things don't comprise 2% of our diet (and since we have various food restrictions, we can't eat most of the junk anyway).  The fact that the kids can eat pie to their hearts' content at Thanksgiving doesn't mean that they are spoiled for non-sweet things the rest of the year.  What is available to them 98% of the time is what they're happy to eat 98% of the time; they don't just start refusing peanut butter sandwiches and bananas and fish and broccoli the day after a holiday because on the holiday they had 15 cookies, or pizza, or something.

[myfunnybunch]

I was thinking about this thread, and remembered our supertaster science lab: My eat-everything is a “normal†taster, my texture-sensitive guy could taste the strips but didn’t hate them, and my most particular eater is a supertaster and thought they were vile. It lined up well with their eating habits and preferences when they were little. 😄

[regentrude]

On a slight rabbit trail....so when your kids are young, you can shelter them from bad food and they are none the wiser. Then, as they grow, you can try to educate them about food choices. But when they go off to school, or youth camp, or a birthday party, or a church dinner...well, there is nothing but junk there. There is a party every time you turn around these days. Cupcakes, soda, candy, and chips galore. What's a parent to do? It's almost impossible in this culture to cultivate in a child a life-long desire and love for good food. And, when you are out in the world, it's not seen as a positive thing if you don't allow your kids to have candy and cupcakes.

 

The bolded has not been my experience. After all, kids are exposed to the majority of their foods at home.

At home, I cook from scratch. We do not buy soda. We never eat fast food. 

But when my kids attended school or went to parties, they just ate the cupcakes and the pizza and the candy  and drank the soda. We did not make a big deal out of it; there were no forbidden foods outside the house. I think that would make those taboo foods particularly attractive to children.

DD grew up to be an absolute foodie, very good cook and baker, and DS appreciates home made food over the stuff he gets at college and has a disdain for junk food. I think it is absolutely possible to cultivate a love for good food without being overly restrictive.

I also find that the culture and atmosphere surrounding food plays a big role; my kids appreciate that we sat down for all meals at a set table and that mealtimes were a time for pleasant family conversation and togetherness. I believe that goes a long way towards creating a positive feeling around good food, because good food will be associated with pleasant memories.

Edited October 27, 2017 by regentrude

[Bluegoat]

But it can't have taken him two months to stop refusing.  I would be alarmed if someone had refused her child food that he would eat for 2 days.

 

I assume that wasn't what happened, that would be alarming.  I don't know that I'd worry about a kid refusing for two days, if what was offered was reasonable.  Some kids are stubborn, they can go that long without minding too much.  

 

I assumed she meant it took that long for him to accept the new situation, stop complaining, and eat pretty regularly of what was offered rather than balking a lot of the time.

[Bluegoat]

I don't mind the junk food at public events and social gatherings and etc.  Maybe we just don't get out that much, but these kinds of things don't comprise 2% of our diet (and since we have various food restrictions, we can't eat most of the junk anyway).  The fact that the kids can eat pie to their hearts' content at Thanksgiving doesn't mean that they are spoiled for non-sweet things the rest of the year.  What is available to them 98% of the time is what they're happy to eat 98% of the time; they don't just start refusing peanut butter sandwiches and bananas and fish and broccoli the day after a holiday because on the holiday they had 15 cookies, or pizza, or something.

 

I think this is a better model.  Yeah, a small part of the diet is not going to set the bar.

 

It is harder when there are events every day -  stuff passed out at every class or practice.  

 

But I always think it is kind of sad when some schools, for example, in an effort to be more healthy, don't allow sweets even at major holidays and such.

[SKL]

Going to preschool affected my kids' willingness to just eat what I served.  I don't know exactly why - maybe the preschool food was just easier to eat or gave a quicker kick.  (Plus, despite advertising as a "candy-free preschool," they were not.  They used candy as rewards.)  My kids started asking for the funner foods (like white bread) at home, and their aunties would oblige even though I asked them not to.  Eventually we phased out brown bread (etc.) because it was going to waste.

 

So yes, when you give up some control over the kids' diet, it may have broader repercussions than expected.  And when you maintain control consistently, they generally eat what you serve - because most people eat when hungry.  ("Hunger is the best seasoning.")  But controlling food has its limits as kids get older.

[Loowit]

I have had food issues my whole life.  I didn't want that for my kids, but sadly there are food issues.  My oldest is pretty good about eating most things I cook, but my boys are picky.  They both have sensory issues.  Middle has gotten better as he has gotten older, but youngest has gotten worse.

 

Youngest has a weight problem and his doctor sent him to a nutritionist.  He had a lot of food allergies as a baby, most he outgrew by the time he was a preschooler, but I think that it made him not develop a taste for certain foods like eggs and milk.  His diet is super limited.  The nutritionist said that it was my job to make the food and DS's job to eat it.  She told me not to make a big deal about it, to just offer food and he could eat it or not.  I tried that for months and it didn't' work.  Now that he is older he can express somewhat why he doesn't like certain foods.  Often foods taste "off' to him, even foods he used to like.  He also has texture issues.

 

One good thing is he is almost always willing to try a bite, but so many foods just don't work.  He tried bean soup once and liked the flavor, but the texture made him throw up.  At this point I am just trying to find as nutritious food as possible that he will eat, which is hard to do.  He hates most fruits and veggies.  He mostly likes carby foods like biscuits, rolls, but won't eat pasta or ptoatoes.  He won't eat sandwiches or food that is touching other foods.  He will eat homemade pizza, so I do that about once a week and can make it pretty healthy.  I have tried all the "tricks" people talk about like have him help me cook and menu plan, it has not helped.  He loves to cook and is getting pretty good at it, but he still won't eat it unless it is something he likes.

 

We don't do dessert often, and when we do it is a treat, not a reward for finishing dinner.  I try very hard to not make food associated with behavior or rewards.  I grew up with the clean your plate rule, and it is still hard to not finish everything on my plate even when I am full.  Often times at restaurants I have DH take my plate away when I am full so I don't keep picking at it.  It makes me feel guilty to not eat everything.

[Pen]

On a slight rabbit trail....so when your kids are young, you can shelter them from bad food and they are none the wiser. Then, as they grow, you can try to educate them about food choices. But when they go off to school, or youth camp, or a birthday party, or a church dinner...well, there is nothing but junk there. There is a party every time you turn around these days. Cupcakes, soda, candy, and chips galore. What's a parent to do? It's almost impossible in this culture to cultivate in a child a life-long desire and love for good food. And, when you are out in the world, it's not seen as a positive thing if you don't allow your kids to have candy and cupcakes. I still remember the moms at church talking behind the backs of a family who wouldn't allow their kids to have cookies and Kool-Aid. They were rolling their eyes. I remember thinking, really, what is wrong with that? Is that REALLY so weird?  I just thought it was unfair and mean to think of this family that way when all they were doing was to try to raise healthy kids who knew how to make smart food choices. One day the young girls had a bit of soda, and the moms were giggling to themselves, "Oh, if their mom only knew!"  The moms at church just saw them as weirdos. 

 

I guess it just grates on me. My mom used to feed sweets to my kids behind my back. There just doesn't seem to be very much respect for people who are trying to do better. It's not fair.  

 

School pizza and cupcakes at scouts just doesn't make it so easy. Okay. I'm done.

 

 

I agree with you!

 

I think it is a terrible problem.  

 

 

And do not know what to do about it.   

 

 

Maybe threads on that would gradually get things changed.

 

Call ins on some radio shows that get heard by thousands or millions.  Or request for something like that to get people as guests to talk about it so that night time truckers listening to Coast to coast, say, start to catch on--and maybe eventually it will trickle its way to the PTA, church, soccer,  and park moms.

 

Don't be done.

 

It is more important than a single vent!

[fralala]

Well, my first question to myself when I think about food battles is, "Am I doing this for the health of my kids or because, among the mothers I know, there is a certain pride in having kids who polish off all their veggies uncomplainingly and say their favorite food is sushi, and they really hate candy? And I will be judged at a meal in which my kids eat only their bread and butter (except the crusts)."

 

The answer, often, is that I am doing it for the wrong reasons (French kids eat everything! I want my kids to be chouette like that).

 

So I just try to provide variety and cook foods that I find delicious and buy healthy foods.

 

The funny thing about pickiness is that...well, we can control it to a certain extent, and we can't. Kids generally don't like foods that they're seldom exposed to, but that doesn't mean they necessarily like foods they see regularly. (This is the PB&J phenomenon, considered such because in our extended family, it seems the kids who have 2 South Asian parents think PB&J is gross and won't touch it, whereas the kids who have an American mother generally consider it an eat-at-every-meal kind of food. Evidently, the pb&j combination is just pretty repugnant unless presented early on, in which case-- as long as you're not allergic-- it's amazing. In any case, the point is: my job is exposing my kids to a variety of foods, and considering seeing and smelling to count as exposure. It's limiting the amount of crap I choose to feed them-- out of laziness and lethargy-- and allowing them, when all is said and done, to have preferences and opinions.)

 

Vegetables are healthy, but a positive relationship with food and eating is harder to recover as an adult than an appreciation of kohlrabi. Most of us, completely free of charge, have learned to appreciate foods we reviled as children. And yet weight loss programs, and eating disorder clinics, are expensive and often unsuccessful at modifying the unhelpful feelings and attitudes we've developed surrounding food.

[skimomma]

I think this is a better model.  Yeah, a small part of the diet is not going to set the bar.

 

It is harder when there are events every day -  stuff passed out at every class or practice.  

 

But I always think it is kind of sad when some schools, for example, in an effort to be more healthy, don't allow sweets even at major holidays and such.

 

If it really were just a "small part" it would not be such a problem.

 

The junk is everywhere.  My dd is now a teen and a big foodie who prefers to eat healthily.  But, if she had a preference, for junk food, she would have plenty of access just by living out in the world.  Every single event, even one hour meetings, have to have snacks now.  Her 90 minute orchestra rehearsals had a break for snacks.  Soccer practices ended with snacks.  Book club - snacks.  And rarely are the snacks healthy.   When dd was between the ages of 5 and 12, there frequently were two events that she attended daily that involved junk.  It was maddening.  I can see why teachers want to cut out the holiday and birthday sweets.  It is not even special anymore.  Even the chiropractor office has a bowl of candy on the desk and the office worker at my office has been pushing candy on dd every time she comes to my office since she was born.

 

Add dumbed down kids' menus and grandparents and playdates and birthday parties and holidays.  It is not a "small part" of most kids' diets.  Unless you are willing to be a hermit, your kids are going to either be eating a great deal of junk or you have to put limits on it.

 

I was a limiter.  I did not forbid treats when out but we talked a lot about "sometimes foods" and tried to limit to one treat a day.  This meant that for years I did not make or serve dessert at home and never kept ANY junk in the house because dd was getting more than enough out of the house.  

 

This is one of my biggest parenting pet peeves. 

 

I am on the BOD of a sporting organization and a big part of our mission is to provide programming for very young beginners.  I am currently embroiled in a fight over juice!  The kids do their activity for one hour then get juice at the end.  The cost and hassle of dealing with the juice is causing problems so I suggested we get rid of it.  People looked at me like I was insane.  The prevailing opinion was that the kids wouldn't be interested in the sport unless there was juice at the end.  Really?  It is not even special anymore.  And do we really want kids involved in the activity who are only doing it for the juice?  It is ONE hour.  The kids will live.  

[eternalsummer]

Going to preschool affected my kids' willingness to just eat what I served.  I don't know exactly why - maybe the preschool food was just easier to eat or gave a quicker kick.  (Plus, despite advertising as a "candy-free preschool," they were not.  They used candy as rewards.)  My kids started asking for the funner foods (like white bread) at home, and their aunties would oblige even though I asked them not to.  Eventually we phased out brown bread (etc.) because it was going to waste.

 

So yes, when you give up some control over the kids' diet, it may have broader repercussions than expected.  And when you maintain control consistently, they generally eat what you serve - because most people eat when hungry.  ("Hunger is the best seasoning.")  But controlling food has its limits as kids get older.

 

Yeah, I can see how if they are eating one or two meals out of the house every day that someone else makes that they'll get used to that the same way they get used to whatever you're eating at home, and if there is someone else living with you who constantly buys something else they'll get used to that too.

 

I was talking more of like once every few weeks type of thing (even when they were in school, we sent lunch, and the preschool didn't provide lunch either).

[eternalsummer]

If it really were just a "small part" it would not be such a problem.

 

The junk is everywhere.  My dd is now a teen and a big foodie who prefers to eat healthily.  But, if she had a preference, for junk food, she would have plenty of access just by living out in the world.  Every single event, even one hour meetings, have to have snacks now.  Her 90 minute orchestra rehearsals had a break for snacks.  Soccer practices ended with snacks.  Book club - snacks.  And rarely are the snacks healthy.   When dd was between the ages of 5 and 12, there frequently were two events that she attended daily that involved junk.  It was maddening.  I can see why teachers want to cut out the holiday and birthday sweets.  It is not even special anymore.  Even the chiropractor office has a bowl of candy on the desk and the office worker at my office has been pushing candy on dd every time she comes to my office since she was born.

 

Add dumbed down kids' menus and grandparents and playdates and birthday parties and holidays.  It is not a "small part" of most kids' diets.  Unless you are willing to be a hermit, your kids are going to either be eating a great deal of junk or you have to put limits on it.

 

I was a limiter.  I did not forbid treats when out but we talked a lot about "sometimes foods" and tried to limit to one treat a day.  This meant that for years I did not make or serve dessert at home and never kept ANY junk in the house because dd was getting more than enough out of the house.  

 

This is one of my biggest parenting pet peeves. 

 

I am on the BOD of a sporting organization and a big part of our mission is to provide programming for very young beginners.  I am currently embroiled in a fight over juice!  The kids do their activity for one hour then get juice at the end.  The cost and hassle of dealing with the juice is causing problems so I suggested we get rid of it.  People looked at me like I was insane.  The prevailing opinion was that the kids wouldn't be interested in the sport unless there was juice at the end.  Really?  It is not even special anymore.  And do we really want kids involved in the activity who are only doing it for the juice?  It is ONE hour.  The kids will live.  

 

Ah, I can see how this would be frustrating!  

 

We don't eat dairy or eggs or gelatin or a zillion other things, ever, for any reason, so we've been able to limit these kinds of things without it being about limiting the type of food itself, exactly, or limiting it because it's junk, or whatever.  We just can't eat m&ms or cheetos or hot dogs or almost any commercial candy or cookies or gardettos or a million other things.  None of us ever eat them, not me, not DH, not any of the kids, never.

 

 

Also my kids don't get out much, hah :)  

 

We don't eat out much because of the moral food issues and also because we have a zillion little ones and they are not that well behaved at restaurants; there's no issue of kid's menus or anything.  We do order a vegan pizza for some birthdays and the 4th of July.

 

We're not close enough to family for them to spend much time at Grandma's house or anything (we're 8+ hours away) but when we did they did eat a lot of clif bars and grapes there.  Even when we lived close, though, they went over maybe once a week or once every other week.

 

Juice we never buy at home so I don't know that I'd mind it at once a week book club, if I could find a book club :)

[Kassia]

I was thinking about this thread, and remembered our supertaster science lab: My eat-everything is a “normal†taster, my texture-sensitive guy could taste the strips but didn’t hate them, and my most particular eater is a supertaster and thought they were vile. It lined up well with their eating habits and preferences when they were little. 😄

 

This was our experience, too.  My one son who would eat anything once had to have a CAT scan done when he was very young and he was given meds to drink to make him sleep.  I was warned that the drink tasted awful and it might be hard to get him to drink it.  He slurped it down and...asked for more!  This was over twenty years ago and it still makes me laugh.  

[Carrie12345]

I absolutely cannot bring myself to set a 3 bite, or even 1 bite rule, though we do encourage tasting things, of course. While I'm not a terribly picky eater, there was a period during which my mother would refuse to let me leave the table unless I ate some broccoli, even though I vomited EVERY SINGLE time. Power trip much?

 

I have 3 kids who devour produce, request sushi, enjoy exotic meats, nibble things foraged from the land, and create weird concoctions when my back is turned. People who want to assume I created 2 difficult eaters in this environment can go ahead and ride off on their high horses. Even if it were legal to starve minors, I'm better than that.

[SparklyUnicorn]

On a slight rabbit trail....so when your kids are young, you can shelter them from bad food and they are none the wiser. Then, as they grow, you can try to educate them about food choices. But when they go off to school, or youth camp, or a birthday party, or a church dinner...well, there is nothing but junk there. There is a party every time you turn around these days. Cupcakes, soda, candy, and chips galore. What's a parent to do? It's almost impossible in this culture to cultivate in a child a life-long desire and love for good food. And, when you are out in the world, it's not seen as a positive thing if you don't allow your kids to have candy and cupcakes. I still remember the moms at church talking behind the backs of a family who wouldn't allow their kids to have cookies and Kool-Aid. They were rolling their eyes. I remember thinking, really, what is wrong with that? Is that REALLY so weird?  I just thought it was unfair and mean to think of this family that way when all they were doing was to try to raise healthy kids who knew how to make smart food choices. One day the young girls had a bit of soda, and the moms were giggling to themselves, "Oh, if their mom only knew!"  The moms at church just saw them as weirdos. 

 

I guess it just grates on me. My mom used to feed sweets to my kids behind my back. There just doesn't seem to be very much respect for people who are trying to do better. It's not fair.  

 

School pizza and cupcakes at scouts just doesn't make it so easy. Okay. I'm done.

 

Then again, there are plenty of cultural things in this world.  So if someone happens to not be much of a foodie?  So what.  I think people can still live full lives as picky eaters.  Geesh

[AimeeM]

With our largely neurotypical child with no oral sensory issues, we had a two-bite "no thank you" rule. If, after those two bites, she still didn't like it or want it, she could have something else. Even that, though, wasn't a hard and fast rule.

 

Both younger boys have special needs and major sensory issues. For example, today we went out for breakfast/early lunch and DS8 ordered mac and cheese, without realizing it had "crunchy" on top. He sincerely gagged and vomited into his napkin -- tears falling down his cheeks. I only require they try even one bite of something they are adverse to trying if I know (like really, really know) that it isn't something they can handle (nothing thick and creamy like yogurt, nothing with a variety of textures (like smashed potatoes), etc. 

 

We don't make food a battle here. Nobody is absolutely required to eat what they are served. And other food isn't withheld because they refuse what they are served. I have my own, personal reasons for it, but it is what it is. At the end of the day, I think it's perfectly valid for children to have their own preferences -- and, as an adult, I wouldn't typically eat something I knew I disliked. 

 

ETA: if money were very tight, I might be singing a different tune

Edited October 27, 2017 by AimeeM

[AimeeM]

I assume that wasn't what happened, that would be alarming.  I don't know that I'd worry about a kid refusing for two days, if what was offered was reasonable.  Some kids are stubborn, they can go that long without minding too much.  

 

I assumed she meant it took that long for him to accept the new situation, stop complaining, and eat pretty regularly of what was offered rather than balking a lot of the time.

 

Really? I would be absolutely sick (vomiting, headache, etc.) if I went without food for two days. 

[Guest]

The bolded has not been my experience. After all, kids are exposed to the majority of their foods at home.

At home, I cook from scratch. We do not buy soda. We never eat fast food.

But when my kids attended school or went to parties, they just ate the cupcakes and the pizza and the candy and drank the soda. We did not make a big deal out of it; there were no forbidden foods outside the house. I think that would make those taboo foods particularly attractive to children.

DD grew up to be an absolute foodie, very good cook and baker, and DS appreciates home made food over the stuff he gets at college and has a disdain for junk food. I think it is absolutely possible to cultivate a love for good food without being overly restrictive.

I also find that the culture and atmosphere surrounding food plays a big role; my kids appreciate that we sat down for all meals at a set table and that mealtimes were a time for pleasant family conversation and togetherness. I believe that goes a long way towards creating a positive feeling around good food, because good food will be associated with pleasant memories.

Quoted for total agreement. This is my exact experience and was my strategy, too.

 

My oldest has quite excellent eating habits. Away at college, she has expanded her repetoire even more and loves fresh fruits and veggies, good proteins and sensible beverages. She marvels at other students who eat a big plate of french fries or who only drink soda or whatever.

 

My DS17 just commented to me that he didn’t realize until very recently that the way our family eats “real†meals all together in the dining room is pretty uncommon.

 

But my kids were allowed and able to eat junky foods at parties just the same as other kids did. I did always cringe over the hot lunch they were allowed to buy at co-op; I actually still cringe about this and wish there was a healthy option but there isn’t, except bringing lunch from home. But that weekly food disaster (carb and sugar bomb, low quality pizza) did not seem to affect my two older kids, so I go along with it.

 

I do think the food culture on the whole in the US leaves a heck of a lot to be desired, but it’s not insurmountable to raise kids who are not junk food junkies.

[EMS83]

Make sure I had sides they would eat, and let them wait it out until breakfast.  If it's the main thing, it's not the same every night.  I've tried a few other things, but really, we can't make people eat.  Find a good multivitamin if I was worried about deficiencies.

[Zinnia]

We rarely have fast food as a family, but it is a conscious decision on my part. I love it. Love it. I grew up in a family with a tight budget, and we didn't eat out often. Food wasn't as common at kid events as it is now. But by the time I was an adult, I knew I loved every fast food. I don't eat it frequently, because of health and budget, and now, with kids, to not develop unhealthy tastes in them, but. I still love it. I can go 1-2 years without fast food (I have), have it again, and I love it just as much as ever. No effects on my body, no losing my taste. It is the oddest thing ever, and I find it frustrating.

 

So I do my best to teach my kids to like healthy stuff, but if I can't remove the desire for junk from my own tastebuds, I am not convinced I will be successful.

Edited October 28, 2017 by Zinnia

[Frances]

The bolded has not been my experience. After all, kids are exposed to the majority of their foods at home.

At home, I cook from scratch. We do not buy soda. We never eat fast food.

But when my kids attended school or went to parties, they just ate the cupcakes and the pizza and the candy and drank the soda. We did not make a big deal out of it; there were no forbidden foods outside the house. I think that would make those taboo foods particularly attractive to children.

DD grew up to be an absolute foodie, very good cook and baker, and DS appreciates home made food over the stuff he gets at college and has a disdain for junk food. I think it is absolutely possible to cultivate a love for good food without being overly restrictive.

I also find that the culture and atmosphere surrounding food plays a big role; my kids appreciate that we sat down for all meals at a set table and that mealtimes were a time for pleasant family conversation and togetherness. I believe that goes a long way towards creating a positive feeling around good food, because good food will be associated with pleasant memories.

This is very much like what we did, and my young adult son is now a very healthy, adventurous eater, total foodie, and excellent cook. He rarely chooses to eat junk food or sweets.

[SereneHome]

It never cease to amaze me that food is such a topic in this country.   It's everywhere.  It's talked about constantly.  It's written about and researched extensively.  And all it seemed to accomplish is create many many problems.

 

To answer OP - I treat children who refuse to eat the same way I would treat myself or my husband, I would not force it and would offer an alternative.  Not labor intense alternative, but an alternative.

 

The only conversations about food we have in our house is its nutritional value, how it effects person's health, different traditions based on cultural views and experiences.

 

I don't use food as a reward or punishment.

I don't force anyone to eat or try anything

I don't make anyone finish everything on their plate and don't dangle desert in front of them. 

I set no rules except to make sure that there is little junk and lots of healthy choices.

 

 

[Peaceful Isle]

I guess I’m a softy.

 

I try to feed my family meals that everyone likes, or at least include items that everyone likes. I am not a big meat and veggie lover. Sorry. I’m just not. I will eat it but I don’t enjoy it. I don’t complain or show it on my face, just not my fav. It honestly makes me nauseous sometimes.

 

When my son was younger, if I knew the meal for that night was not his favorite, I would include something I knew he would eat. I’m just not up for battles. I want the dinner table to be a happy place.

Things I would include to a dinner he didn’t like would be: applesauce, peaches, toast, etc..

He is getting tons better and will obediently take one bite of something he doesn’t like for me.

I also have never kept dessert from my kids.

 

My kids are ages 6-15 now. My son still doesn’t like meat and veggies, but my other kids do. I do include fruit, whole grains, dairy and sneak in veggies when I can. ;) and they all take their vitamins.

All in all, I skipped the battles, and they are all pretty healthy.

 

Yup. I’m soft.

[HS Mom in NC]

They can eat dinner, leftovers, or be hungry.