I don't want to get old

[Guest]

I'm with you, Moxie. I used to think it would be so wonderful to make it to 100, but now I see the reality of even being 90 and I don't want that anymore. My MIL was in very good shape as a younger-older woman; through her 70s and into her early 80s. She maintained a huge garden and still cooked big dinners for her big family and took care of that big farm. She traveled and played piano and sang in the choir and sewed and did word puzzles every day to keep her brain sharp.

 

Now she is 90. Relatively speaking, she is still in good shape. But on the whole...wow. Everything is so exhausting. She takes 9 pills per day. The kids have decided she can no longer drive or live alone at the farm. Now that she has been living here for over two months, I concur. She is at constant risk of falling, which could actually kill her. She doesn't take care of details on her own; for example, I lay her clothing out daily. If I don't do this, she will simply wear the same thing day after day after day. I do her hair in the morning; if I don't, she will not bother. And so on.

 

I am so glad she is still alive, but at the same time, I don't relish being in her position. And, as I said, her limitation are mild compared to some things. My own parents are much younger, but my mother has Parkinson's and is far more disabled than my MIL; this eill never improve. It's sad.

 

I was chatting with my MIL about travel and I asked if there was any place she hadn't gone that she wished she had. She said she never went to Europe and had always wanted to, "...But I guess I'm never going to do that now." I can't imagine being 90 and having to seriously consider: how much longer can I really even expect to be alive? And now I have physical limitations that make some dreams laughably unlikely. It must be difficult. Also, her SIL, who was exactly the same age as her, just died of sudden cardiac arrest. Now, MIL's sister is very ill with kidney disease. Can you imagine? All these people you have known for most or all of your life start dying? I think that's when you start hoping you have a sudden cardiac episode instead of some wasting cancer or something.

[Guest]

Yeah, there is that whole genetic lottery thing that keeps me up at night. When I was younger, I would sy to myself, just take good care of yourself, eat right, exercise and you'll be one of those spry 80 year olds instead of needing walker at 70.

Well, I've done all that and my body is still breaking down. I'm in my 50s and my knees are shot despite working very hard to keep them functional. My ankle still hurts from my surgery 15 months go. And hormonal garbage is causing significant weight gain despite my efforts through a healthy diet and slogging through pain to get exercise. Oh and the lung scarring from bronchitis from the swine flu means that my aerobic capacity has significantly reduce (as I experienced while hiking last weekend - hikes that I trained for.) Every time I hear someone smugly tell me that they stay fit through exercise and diet and I should do what they do, I mutter "genetic lottery" to myself.

 

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I hear ya! This is part of why my views on how great it would be yo live to 100 have changed. I do a lot to keep myself healthy and my brain active. A LOT! But also, I see how the snowball effect can happen if you have a set back. A car accident, a TIA, a thyroid wonkiness, a bout of bronchitis - all can change what you're able to do and that will change how healthy you are able to remain. Not to mention if you have to be on medications for - whatever - high cholesterol, say - and one side effect is fatigue. Now you have a bigger obstacle to just get basic exercise. And so on it goes.

 

I think I did once think my healthy lifestyle and active brain would insure me against those bad things that can steal your life little by little. But then I saw this happen to my MIL. As someone on this board said so well, "It was like Mom was healthy as can be, until she was suddenly...not." Yup. That's what I fear.

[Ottakee]

So often you hear of tragic car accidents where an elderly couple is both killed instantly.  While it is a tragedy for the family, I somethings think......."well, that isn't so bad at all for that couple".

 

Far too often in ICU I have seen patients whose families are working so hard to keep them alive when honestly, they might just rather pass away peacefully.

[ktgrok]

I am 42 and have a toddler. He won't allow me to sit down and vegetate. Both grandmothers and my parents had children in their late thirties, and I think the needs of young children help keep you going.

 

My mom babysits my nieces a lot and it certainly keeps her young!

 

And I'm 41 with an infant. Honestly, I'm in better physical shape than I was 10 years ago, other than some pelvic floor issues that don't really interfere with my life. 

 

And for inspiration, for those truly afraid of growing older, try listening to the Growing Bolder radio show. I always find it inspirational. 

[ktgrok]

My great aunt got a PhD in her 60s, and worked part time into her 70's in a botanical garden, then traveled around even after that to lecture on botany. My goal is to live like her :)

[Joyofsixreboot]

I agree younger kids help keep you young. I'm 54 with a 9 yo. It's not just physically-music, fashion, current movies, etc. Don't become a stick in the mud. You maybe can't control genetics but in this you have a choice.

 

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Edited June 5, 2017 by joyofsix

[wintermom]

Yeah, there is that whole genetic lottery thing that keeps me up at night. When I was younger, I would sy to myself, just take good care of yourself, eat right, exercise and you'll be one of those spry 80 year olds instead of needing walker at 70.

Well, I've done all that and my body is still breaking down. I'm in my 50s and my knees are shot despite working very hard to keep them functional. My ankle still hurts from my surgery 15 months go. And hormonal garbage is causing significant weight gain despite my efforts through a healthy diet and slogging through pain to get exercise. Oh and the lung scarring from bronchitis from the swine flu means that my aerobic capacity has significantly reduce (as I experienced while hiking last weekend - hikes that I trained for.) Every time I hear someone smugly tell me that they stay fit through exercise and diet and I should do what they do, I mutter "genetic lottery" to myself.

 

 

Try asking your dr what things could be like if you hadn't been eating right and exercising. Healing slows down with age, but if you are still somewhat active, the blood flow is better and so is healing. Lung scarring may reduce your aerobic capacity, but it's still higher than it would be if you were inactive. Menopause hormone issues are statistically lighter for active women. 

 

Sure, things always come up as we age, None of us can avoid it no matter how hard we've worked. Another bonus about having a pattern of looking after yourself, is that you're also getting on top of the physical issues as they come up. You are continuing to work to stay active even through the joint issues.

 

You are actually proof that it's VERY IMPORTANT to be active as our bodies break down, because there is still capacity to do more even through the breaking down process. And of course, there are all the active, healthy years you've already enjoyed before the inevitable aging processes hit.

Edited June 5, 2017 by wintermom

[creekland]

Try asking your dr what things could be like if you hadn't been eating right and exercising. 

 

FWIW, I know plenty of folks my age or older - even within my extended family - who have fewer issues than I do and they've chosen multiple unhealthy things I never did (say, smoking).  I see kids at school - all youngsters - and the variety of their issues ranges too.

 

Diet and exercise can help some, but in spite of what you seem to have implied, they don't always help or even affect what's going on.  There is no statistic or correlation that is 100%.  Often they don't even get close.  It's nice to think it's making a difference, but honestly?  One never knows.

[creekland]

ps  It's incredibly annoying when folks who have made other choices end up with fewer issues - partially because we buy into the idea if only "we do things right" all will go well.  This is why it's super important that people realize it's NOT a guarantee - not even that things will be "better."  Life is not that simple all the time.

[Katy]

1) Get Long Term Care insurance so if/when you do live long enough to need help, your kids won't need to be involved.

 

2) Lift weights (each body part 2-3 per week), stretch, and walk an hour a day.

 

3) Eat mostly plants, especially vegetables. Eat a tablespoon of natural fats per day.  Alternate, but about 2-3x a week make it saturated animal fats (butter, fish). Vegetarians live longer (lower heart disease and cancer), but vegans do not (more neurological issues).  I can't prove it, but I think this is because your brain is made of saturated fat, and coconut oil is not the same.

 

4) Try to always be learning something new and challenging so your brain stays young.

[maize]

The longest lived person in my family ate at McDonald's almost every day for the last 30 years of his life. He was exceptionally healthy until the last year of his life. He died 1 month short of 100.

 

Clearly we should all be eating at McDonald's more frequently.

Edited June 5, 2017 by maize

[Laurie4b]

How we age is an interaction of the way our environment including lifestyle choices, accidents, etc. interact with the genetic cards we've been dealt. So there is no all or nothing. 

 

That said, there is a new term out and about called "healthspan"--that period of your life when you are healthy enough to be able to function. The goal would be to prolong the healthspan and shorten the length of time when a person is "failing" in ways that affect their functioning. 

 

I'm 60. I went through cancer in my mid-50s. At the time, I was obese. It was quite the wake-up call, which was strengthened by Alzheimer's in a parent. I'd always eaten rather healthy food and had exercised on and off. However, the statistics for recurrence are so much lower with healthy practices. I now feel like I'm about 35, am a normal weight, and dh says that I am stronger than when we got married in my early 30s. (I think that may be true and I wasn't wimpy. I had been a college athlete.) 

 

The choices I am making now make me happy now and are the things I have control over for the future. I don't get a guarantee, but this gives me my best shot and gives my family their best shot at not having to care for me, etc. 

[Selkie]

The longest lived person in my family ate at McDonald's almost every day for the last 30 years of his life. He was exceptionally healthy until the last year of his life. He died 1 month short of 100.

 

Clearly we should all be eating at McDonald's more frequently.

 

My grandma subsisted primarily on cigarettes and candy and lived into her 90's.

[wintermom]

FWIW, I know plenty of folks my age or older - even within my extended family - who have fewer issues than I do and they've chosen multiple unhealthy things I never did (say, smoking).  I see kids at school - all youngsters - and the variety of their issues ranges too.

 

Diet and exercise can help some, but in spite of what you seem to have implied, they don't always help or even affect what's going on.  There is no statistic or correlation that is 100%.  Often they don't even get close.  It's nice to think it's making a difference, but honestly?  One never knows.

 

What I meant was, that things are going to happen to us, we know that. Some people have a more and some less diseases, broken bones, etc. But if we have a baseline of a muscular, fit body, then are capacity to recover and deal with issues is very often better than a person with less muscle and less fitness as their baseline. 

 

I see this a LOT among the people I play tennis with. We all get injuries, surgery, fight cancer, brain tumors, etc. So many have "fought back" to recover and return to playing tennis. It's not necessarily the number of issues, but how we can deal with the stuff that does hit us. Being healthier to begin with, makes things easier to deal with and recover.

[Onceuponatime]

I haven't read through the whole thread, yet. Forgive me if I'm repeating something.

 

For those concerned about maintaining brain health, I listened to a TED talk by a neuroscientist recently. Here is what she said helps maintain and increase neuron growth: Physical activity, learning, calorie restriction, intermittent fasting, foods that need to be chewed well, omega 3's, adequate sleep, adequate folic acid and zinc, curcumin, caffeine, flavonoids, resveratrol, and specifically blueberries. Seriously, blueberries were high on the list and it is blueberry season right now. 😊

 

Things that retard neuron growth: high stress, a soft food diet, some medications (like cancer drugs), inadequate sleep, vitamin A and E and B deficiencies, high sugar, high saturated fat, alcohol.

Edited June 5, 2017 by Onceuponatime

[DawnM]

I have really been feeling my age lately.  Can't lose weight.  Threw my back out this weekend and was laid up.

 

OY!

 

Finally had a talk with myself and said TO HECK with the "experts" and their diet nonsense.  I am going get back to eating for energy rather than weight loss and hope for the best.  

 

Realizing I can't do what I used to do, but I can do better.......so I am going to work at it.

[Tanaqui]

Being physically aged doesn't worry me. Dementia and senility, though, scares the heck out of me. I made the mistake of mentioning it to my mother once and she spent a good two weeks harassing me about how I thought she was losing her marbles. Not you, Mommy! Don't give a darn* if it happens to you! I'm scared of it happening to me!

 

Looked up early symptoms of dementia once. The list said "trouble recognizing familiar places and faces". I'm autistic. I already have trouble recognizing familiar faces and places. What the heck kind of mean joke even is this list!?

 

* Well, I mean, I do, but it doesn't scare me.

[Guest]

I have really been feeling my age lately.  Can't lose weight.  Threw my back out this weekend and was laid up.

 

OY!

 

Finally had a talk with myself and said TO HECK with the "experts" and their diet nonsense.  I am going get back to eating for energy rather than weight loss and hope for the best.  

 

Realizing I can't do what I used to do, but I can do better.......so I am going to work at it.

 

Thing is, if you eat for energy, you will have the energy to move more!  Right?  :0)

 

I have similar feelings about allergy professionals.  I've been through the cycle twice now:  The way to cure allergies is--

a.  eat micro amounts to become immune

b.  completely abstain

 

And this one too 

a.  massive steroids

b.  no steroids

 

At some point I had to make up my mind, and I did it when I was in my 20s (the no steroids era) that I was going to use steroids and live to 70 rather than be completely miserable and live to 90.  Seventy years of a normal life was better than 90 years in a bubble.  

 

And as the falling man said, "So far, so good."  

 

(And since the No Steroids Era in my 20s, it's gone around again...). ;0)

[heartlikealion]

Maybe you need exposure to some older people that aren't having such serious health issues?? My father is doing pretty well for his age. Mom not so much (Parkinson's has made her dependent on others). My grandmother lived to 101 and was very able bodied all things considered.

 

Thanks for the eyeball nightmares LOL. Seriously, I've never heard of that and it sounds super scary.

 

What you said about your clothing and meals. I think that's how my mom feels. She doesn't want me to help her with much. I think some of it is pride. But we can't leave her alone long so if Dad needs/wants to go somewhere long he has to get an expensive caregiver. That part of aging saddens me for both of them.

[gaillardia]

The longest lived person in my family ate at McDonald's almost every day for the last 30 years of his life. He was exceptionally healthy until the last year of his life. He died 1 month short of 100.

 

Clearly we should all be eating at McDonald's more frequently.

What is wrong with this world? lol

I know a woman who is ...well, no one really knows how old she is because she has always lied about her age.

She has been known to have a drinking problem from time to time (carried a little bottle around with her everywhere she went). Rarely ate 3 meals a day, maybe 2. Didn't exercise. She's between 85 and 94. Has a negative and pessimistic point of view, makes jokes about everybody else, is catty and gossipy, easily takes offense and is not slowing down much, oh, and looks fantastic.

 

I'd get so sick if I ate at Mickey D's.

[dirty ethel rackham]

What I meant was, that things are going to happen to us, we know that. Some people have a more and some less diseases, broken bones, etc. But if we have a baseline of a muscular, fit body, then are capacity to recover and deal with issues is very often better than a person with less muscle and less fitness as their baseline.

 

I see this a LOT among the people I play tennis with. We all get injuries, surgery, fight cancer, brain tumors, etc. So many have "fought back" to recover and return to playing tennis. It's not necessarily the number of issues, but how we can deal with the stuff that does hit us. Being healthier to begin with, makes things easier to deal with and recover.

So, if I had just fought harder, my ankle would be fully functional or my knees would not be bone-on-bone? I have reached a point where I have to walk a very fine line between fighting hard to get "back to normal" and breaking down something else. I'm dealing with hip, shoulder and elbow issues from "fighting harder." It used to be 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Now it is one step forward, two steps back. I know that I have to keep moving because not moving means very limited mobility, diabetes, osteoporosis, and even more pain beyond my current baseline. But it is discouraging to see others put in half the effort and make more progress. I have to be very selective in what I do to prevent further injury. It is hard to accept these limitations as they prevent me from enjoying things I used to love.

 

I used to have a workout partner. She could push herself ridiculously hard. I would do half of what she did and suffer injury after injury. She used to joke that she was "peasant stock" and I must have come from "inbred royalty."

 

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[DawnM]

FWIW, I know plenty of folks my age or older - even within my extended family - who have fewer issues than I do and they've chosen multiple unhealthy things I never did (say, smoking).  I see kids at school - all youngsters - and the variety of their issues ranges too.

 

Diet and exercise can help some, but in spite of what you seem to have implied, they don't always help or even affect what's going on.  There is no statistic or correlation that is 100%.  Often they don't even get close.  It's nice to think it's making a difference, but honestly?  One never knows.

 

My dad had a friend/co-worker overseas who was really into wholistic eating and organic, way before it became vogue.  

 

He died of a brain tumor when he turned 72.  

 

You are right.  You just never know.

[Soror]

I used to have a workout partner. She could push herself ridiculously hard. I would do half of what she did and suffer injury after injury. She used to joke that she was "peasant stock" and I must have come from "inbred royalty."

 

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Ha, I don't think I'm from inbred royalty, more just people that worked hard and died early. However, my mom is in better shape than her mom at the same age. Mom quit smoking decades ago and is not diabetic, grandma died of COPD and diabetes in her 60s(Mom is in her 50's now with no major health issues). My dad's parents didn't live to see their kids grow up but Dad just retired at 60 with only minor health issues, so he is certainly doing better as well. I don't know if I'm doing better than my parents, I try hard but having 4 babies kicked my butt. I was diagnosed w/ thyroid disease in my mid 30s, Mom was just diagnosed last year. Grandma had it as well but was horribly treated. I know enough now to be vigilant for my own daughters (I have Hashimotos as does my MIL and SIL so they've lost the genetic lottery). Of course there are people out there who have it much, much worse. It's all a matter of perspective. I just keep trying to do my best and hope for the best and not borrow trouble. We can only control so much. 

[freeindeed]

I eat a healthy diet and exercise. I try to get enough sleep. I read challenging material and homeschool high schoolers, so I keep my mind engaged. I allow myself to have leisure time. I get together with friends at least once a week. That's about all I can do to age well. I control what I can and try not to worry about the rest.

[Amber in SJ]

My mom passed away at 69 last year from cancer after living with diabetes for almost 20 years.

 

Her mom is 92 lives on her own with her only other child nearby.  She uses a cane occasionally but that is it.  She recently put some photos of herself & my niece (her great granddaughter) on snapchat :)

 

When people tell Dh that he is doing something that will take years off he life he is known to say, "But those years at the end suck anyway."

 

Amber in SJ

[alisoncooks]

I used to have a workout partner. She could push herself ridiculously hard. I would do half of what she did and suffer injury after injury. She used to joke that she was "peasant stock" and I must have come from "inbred royalty."

 

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LOL.

I always tell DH that his family would totally be weeded out of the gene pool if we didn't have modern medicine.  Thankfully, the kiddos seem to have inherited my hardy genes. :p

[wintermom]

So, if I had just fought harder, my ankle would be fully functional or my knees would not be bone-on-bone? I have reached a point where I have to walk a very fine line between fighting hard to get "back to normal" and breaking down something else. I'm dealing with hip, shoulder and elbow issues from "fighting harder." It used to be 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Now it is one step forward, two steps back. I know that I have to keep moving because not moving means very limited mobility, diabetes, osteoporosis, and even more pain beyond my current baseline. But it is discouraging to see others put in half the effort and make more progress. I have to be very selective in what I do to prevent further injury. It is hard to accept these limitations as they prevent me from enjoying things I used to love.

 

I used to have a workout partner. She could push herself ridiculously hard. I would do half of what she did and suffer injury after injury. She used to joke that she was "peasant stock" and I must have come from "inbred royalty."

 

 

Maybe some people can return to their original activities after injuries or illness, while others move on to new/different ones. I over-trained my shoulders in swimming as a youth, so I can never go back to that sport. Lots of other young athletes blow out their knees early in life, limiting their options. Our bodies aren't machines no matter how old one is. It doesn't mean we stop exercising. We just find other fun activities to do. There are plenty of options out there for able-bodies, old bodies and para-athletes.