Kids/teens who won't speak loud enough

[Scarlett]

Has anyone dealt with this? We have a teen, but he has always been this way....who speaks so softly no one can understand him. We have tried and tried to encourage him to speak louder. In public recently, a fast food worker had to ask him 3 times to speak up....actually two different workers....one of them asked twice and another once.

 

His voice box works fine. Sometimes he does project his voice and is loud enough. But most of the time not.

[SparklyUnicorn]

hearing issue?  shy?  afraid to speak louder?

 

I don't know. 

[maize]

In my experience very soft speech can be the result of some degree of social anxiety.

 

That may be something a therapist could help with. I have also wondered (I have a soft speaker) if acting classes would help.

Edited January 26, 2017 by maize

[Bambam]

Voice/singing lessons.

 

Get him involved in an acting group. There seems to be something about putting on a costume that makes you more willing to talk at a volume others can hear you. Or maybe it is just the director repeatedly telling you to speak up, I can't hear you.

 

[JanetC]

If you can, try having him evaluated by a speech therapist.

[Scarlett]

The mere suggestion of taking him to be evaluated might make him speak up. :)

 

No acting classes nearby or theater, but maybe voice lessons. We sing a lot in our worship but I think he doesn't make much noise .....better though than he was about that...

 

It is frustrating to ask him to repeat very word he says. Literally if you can't see his face you can't know he responded most of the time. But of course if it is some sort of insecurity or anxiety chastising him will only make it worse.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Scarlett

[bethben]

I was one of those kids.  When I talked, it sounded like a normal volume to me (I have no hearing issues).  What was yelling to me was a normal speaking voice.  I just had to learn to "yell" so that people could hear me.  Most people can hear me now but I really had to be cognizant that what I perceived as yelling was a normal volume.  I helped with a speech club for a year.  The soft speakers I told to yell.  When they "yelled", it sounded about the right volume.  

[fairfarmhand]

I vote drama.

 

I had a student like this who couldn't be heard from the front row at auditions last fall. By November, it was a night and day difference. His mom was totally stunned at how dramatic (did you see what I did there? Yes, punny) the difference was.

 

But oh my, it took SO much work to get him there. Like separate coaching sessions during the rest of rehearsal...

[Scarlett]

I was one of those kids. When I talked, it sounded like a normal volume to me (I have no hearing issues). What was yelling to me was a normal speaking voice. I just had to learn to "yell" so that people could hear me. Most people can hear me now but I really had to be cognizant that what I perceived as yelling was a normal volume. I helped with a speech club for a year. The soft speakers I told to yell. When they "yelled", it sounded about the right volume.

H did tell Dh that one time....that his voice sounds plenty loud to him.

[Scarlett]

I thought about recording him so he can see how he sounds.

[SparklyUnicorn]

But of course if it is some sort of insecurity or anxiety chastising him will only make it worse.

 

This seems the most likely thing.  I think teens especially have a lot of moments of feeling insecure. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I thought about recording him so he can see how he sounds.

 

I'd feel very picked on if someone did this to me.

[Scarlett]

I'd feel very picked on if someone did this to me.

Hmm. Well I wouldn't want to do that. Pick on him. but he doesn't seem to believe us when we say we can't hear him.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Hmm. Well I wouldn't want to do that. Pick on him. but he doesn't seem to believe us when we say we can't hear him.

 

Well, if you are dead serious about this idea, it won't be as straight forward as you think.  You would need high quality recording devices to get something accurate.  The error rate in low quality recording devices with high compression won't make him sound exactly as you are hearing him.  (BTDT trying to record myself playing the violin.) 

 

I dunno.  Feels like you are being highly critical. I don't imagine that tactic will help.  If he is already not speaking up due to feeling uncomfortable, how is highlighting all of this going to help?

[Scarlett]

Well, if you are dead serious about this idea, it won't be as straight forward as you think. You would need high quality recording devices to get something accurate. The error rate in low quality recording devices with high compression won't make him sound exactly as you are hearing him. (BTDT trying to record myself playing the violin.)

 

I dunno. Feels like you are being highly critical. I don't imagine that tactic will help. If he is already not speaking up due to feeling uncomfortable, how is highlighting all of this going to help?

I am not dead set on any idea. Dh and I are just trying to solve a problem. It bothers Dh much more than me. It can come across as very rude when people think you are ignoring them. I certainly don't think his intent is to be rude.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yeah, he probably doesn't intend to be rude at all.  It could be a lot of things, including social anxiety, lack of auditory perception so it sounds loud in his head but not to anyone else, or maybe something needing evaluation.  I agree that drama/debate/social skills classes might help.  Singing might also help but with any of these it may take someone really working individually with them, not just in a group.

 

My brother is very soft spoken.  He thinks he is speaking at a normal volume but really he speaks pretty softly, especially when in public.  He is an introvert and has a bit of social anxiety.  Part of the thing that compounded the problem early on was my dad and grandmother, in trying to help him, constantly correcting him, pointing out how soft he was, trying to get him to repeat what he said, and essentially embarrassing him in public as well as making him feel "other" in his own home, like he had a serious flaw.  They were trying to be helpful but it made him less and less likely to actually speak at all.

 

He improved in his volume control in college.  He took a drama class and got on a debate team.  Still speaks softly but will raise his volume if he can tell people can't hear him well.  And he projects well in drama and debate stuff (like others have said, though, he feels like he is shouting when talking at a normal volume).

Edited January 26, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[SparklyUnicorn]

I do think drama classes can be awesome for boosting confidence when speaking to others.  I think this really has helped both of my kids. 

 

 

[xixstar]

I wish I had a solution. My 21yo has this same issue and always has. I can ask 2-3 times for him to repeat himself. It honestly greatly reduced our interactions during the teen years because it was so frustrating to have a conversation when I couldn't hear him.

 

It has improved a little because I don't need to ask him to repeat himself every time now but DH still can't hear him and he's also mostly given up and doesn't ask for him to speak up.

 

That's not really an overall positive - maybe just friendly push that assessing the issue is a good idea.

 

Now if I can figure out how to get my younger children to stop fake talking - they do some odd mix of babyish talking and speech impaired talking all the time, especially since going to school. I am again asking for repetition or clarification all the time again -- though usually it's a reminder to speak normal and clearly, which they can.

[redsquirrel]

How old is he?  My older son has a very deep voice, like his father.  When his voice changed he spoke so darn quietly we couldn't hear or understand a word he said. In part, it was getting used to the new voice. It's embarrassing to suddenly sound like a different person, and it didn't help that his voice was so deep. It was also in part to the deepness. If he doesn't speak up and enunciate clearly it can just sound like a low rumble

 

People would comment on how deep his voice was etc and he would just get quieter and quieter. He really didn't appreciate the attention. 

 

He is almost 17 now and has grown into his voice. It still stands out a bit due to it's deepness, but he's taller, bigger and it's not so dissonant. 

 

But there were a 3-4 years when we felt like we were constantly saying "What? speak up, we can't hear you"

[gardenmom5]

what's his self-confidence like?

[wintermom]

I think that there are a lot of different options to both build confidence and learn voice projection techniques:

 

- Vocal coaching (speaking or singing)

- Drama classes

- Public speaking courses

- Martial Arts

- Cadets/Scouts - where public speaking and leadership skills are included

- Coaching courses and experience coaching/teaching others

- Entrepreneurial courses

- Part-time job interacting with public

[SparklyUnicorn]

How old is he?  My older son has a very deep voice, like his father.  When his voice changed he spoke so darn quietly we couldn't hear or understand a word he said. In part, it was getting used to the new voice. It's embarrassing to suddenly sound like a different person, and it didn't help that his voice was so deep. It was also in part to the deepness. If he doesn't speak up and enunciate clearly it can just sound like a low rumble

 

People would comment on how deep his voice was etc and he would just get quieter and quieter. He really didn't appreciate the attention. 

 

He is almost 17 now and has grown into his voice. It still stands out a bit due to it's deepness, but he's taller, bigger and it's not so dissonant. 

 

But there were a 3-4 years when we felt like we were constantly saying "What? speak up, we can't hear you"

 

That's a good point.  My DS 15 has a very deep voice, but it's not 100% changed over.  So he has some awkward moments with speaking.  We NEVER EVER say a word about it because he is soooo sensitive and self conscious about it.  I think he definitely holds back a bit on speaking with strangers due to it though.  In fact he wants to make youtube videos and he's afraid people will make fun of his voice!  Which..ya know people make fun of everything, but geesh yeah.  Forgot about the voice changing thing. 

[TheReader]

My youngest is like this, and has been in speech therapy and now sees a regular therapist for it.

 

We did have to, in the context of therapy, record him (video) and play it back and have him analyze if it was clear enough, loud enough, etc. But this was in the context of already being at the therapist's office for it, was done with his knowledge and permission and cooperation, and he was the one evaluating the video for whether or not it was loud enough.

 

When he speaks, he feels loud enough; when he sees the video, he realizes how quiet he is, so if your son is willing to do this as an experiment, it could help.

 

The other thing we have done is to come up with a visual cue we can give him to let him know (we either do a thumb's up, gesturing upward, or pantomime pressing the volume button on a remote control, pointed at him). Something he will recognize, but still subtle so it corrects him without interrupting him or drawing attention. We can give the signal mid-sentence and he raises his volume appropriately, and usually within a conversation, once we've given the signal, he remains at an appropriate volume for the duration.

 

The other thing we do, if we have to verbally correct him (usually if it is just us), is to make sure and reference the surroundings. Things like, "Oh, the dishwasher is running and is pretty loud, I couldn't quite hear you over that, can you repeat that for me please?" This helps him realize he has to adjust for what might interfere with other people's hearing; he can still hear himself fine, sitting on the couch talking to me in the kitchen across the room....but me, standing by the loud dishwasher, can't hear him even if his volume would work in a dishwasher less moment.

 

He does attend outside classes, and gave us permission to share the visual cues with his teachers, as well, and they report that it helps and they have to use it less and less.

 

Hopefully these ideas will be helpful.

[lllll]

nm

Edited February 4, 2017 by .qp_

[HomeAgain]

Is he 15?

 

Mine was the same way.  By 17 he grew out of it mostly, I'm not sure if it's from age or because after months of telling him to speak up we simply stopped asking him.  If we heard him, great, if not, I wasn't going to strain myself and be treated like a deaf old woman having to ask multiple times.  Nope.  Once we stopped asking, the problem started taking care of itself.

[Scarlett]

How old is he?  My older son has a very deep voice, like his father.  When his voice changed he spoke so darn quietly we couldn't hear or understand a word he said. In part, it was getting used to the new voice. It's embarrassing to suddenly sound like a different person, and it didn't help that his voice was so deep. It was also in part to the deepness. If he doesn't speak up and enunciate clearly it can just sound like a low rumble

 

People would comment on how deep his voice was etc and he would just get quieter and quieter. He really didn't appreciate the attention. 

 

He is almost 17 now and has grown into his voice. It still stands out a bit due to it's deepness, but he's taller, bigger and it's not so dissonant. 

 

But there were a 3-4 years when we felt like we were constantly saying "What? speak up, we can't hear you"

 

 

He is 15.  HIs voice is very deep. My husband can be VERY loud....so it is weird to me that both his boys speak sooooooooo softly.  

[Scarlett]

what's his self-confidence like?

 

 

Hmmmm........not sure.  I think the divorce, his parents general disharmony even now, and other things generally make him insecure.  Sometimes he seems like he has good confidence.  But my son is sort of the same way....I think most teens are that way.

[wintermom]

He is 15.  HIs voice is very deep. My husband can be VERY loud....so it is weird to me that both his boys speak sooooooooo softly.  

 

Boys and men have a lot more potential for power in their voices than girls and women as their lungs tend to have a larger capacity. Once they actually take a deep breath and use it to make sound, they can be very loud. You could try encouraging him to breath in deep so that his stomach lifts instead of just his chest, and talk nice and loud. It feels really cool, and is very effective.

[MomatHWTK]

I would address it as a social training exercise. Rather than saying "You speak too softly," say, "If someone doesn't hear you the first time, try taking your voice up one notch." Explain that what is happening is that he hears his voice through his bone structure and the air, but people hearing just through the air aren't hearing it at the same volume. Even though from his perspective it is loud enough when someone asks him to repeat himself it is a social signal that he needs to speak up. If he is willing, consider having him practice taking his voice up one notch at a time so he can experience what an appropriate volume for others sounds like in his head. 

 

I have to ask my DH to repeat everything he says. He speaks in a mic at work so soft and clear gets it done. Not at home with all the background noise! That might be another thing to point out to your DS. In social settings, especially a restaurant, the normal voice level isn't going to work. Learning to adjust volume for environment might come across better to him than "speak up all the time." 

[Scarlett]

Boys and men have a lot more potential for power in their voices than girls and women as their lungs tend to have a larger capacity. Once they actually take a deep breath and use it to make sound, they can be very loud. You could try encouraging him to breath in deep so that his stomach lifts instead of just his chest, and talk nice and loud. It feels really cool, and is very effective.

Tonight I came home and found him in the kitchen. I hugged him and he answered my questions. He was loud enough. So he can do it. Not sure what makes or breaks it for him.

[La Condessa]

Get his hearing checked.  This was me.  I have some permanent conductive hearing loss, plus frequent temporary loss due to ear infections (plus nerve damage so I do not feel pain from infections).  My own voice doesn't have to pass through my eardrums, so it sounds louder relative to everything else.  I naturally picked up lipreading as a kid without realizing I was doing anything different, so it took quite a few years before my parents figured this out.  I had to learn to speak louder than feels natural in general, but usually the first indication I have that I have an ear infection is when dh tells me I'm speaking quietly.

[Scarlett]

Get his hearing checked. This was me. I have some permanent conductive hearing loss, plus frequent temporary loss due to ear infections (plus nerve damage so I do not feel pain from infections). My own voice doesn't have to pass through my eardrums, so it sounds louder relative to everything else. I naturally picked up lipreading as a kid without realizing I was doing anything different, so it took quite a few years before my parents figured this out. I had to learn to speak louder than feels natural in general, but usually the first indication I have that I have an ear infection is when dh tells me I'm speaking quietly.

Interesting! Thank you!.

[katilac]

My oldest (18) speaks very softly, and I don't think it's a confidence thing. Or her voice changing, lol. 

 

She had speech therapy when she was in preK, but that mostly addressed articulation. 

 

She did some acting a few times and has given presentations and such, and she is somewhat louder in those situations, but still overly quiet. She's heard me say "speak up" eleventy billion times as well. 

 

The possible hearing connection is interesting, because she just told me that she is having a lot of trouble hearing in Spanish class when there is ambient noise. The campus doc said her ears were clear and to see an audiologist. So, we'll see! 

[wendy not in HI]

My dd18 has a quiet voice.  She is not trying to be rude.  She is a little shy, but mostly her voice is just small.  She is doing ROTC and has had to work really hard to get her yell on.  And it's still pretty bad.  

 

My dad is losing his hearing (though he doesn't think so) and she has to make a special effort to talk louder and more clearly to him.  

 

Anyway, I think it's been good for her to practice talking a little louder.  

[TiffVineCook]

My son is 16. He speaks very softly.  When he has been around someone long enough and begins to feel safe and comfortable then he speaks louder. I don’t know why for sure but I have my ideas about why this is so and of course I have no idea why anyone else’s child my speak softly all I do know is that getting frustrated or angry about it is never the way to handle it, for example my son will speak louder when he feels safe and comfortable. He also wants to feel close to people and in order to hear him you have to get close so whatever you do just be patient and be understanding and when the time feels right, encourage them to speak up.