mom of 2 boys Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 There, I said it. I lost a close friend on Christmas eve 14 years ago. He was killed by a drunk driver in the middle of the night. It ruined the holiday for me, and I have never been able to enjoy it since. My father passed away a few years ago, and I haven't had much contact with the rest of my family since, making the holidays all the more miserable for me. I got a total of one Christmas card from a relative and it had a manipulative, dysfunctional message in it. I ripped it to pieces and threw it right in the garbage. My husband is *trying* to help with the stress, so he went to the grocery store today. He came back with a $52 (!!!!!) roast. I just about lost my mind when I saw it. I wouldn't even spend that much on my sons winter coat this year! I never saw him leave the house so quickly in my life (to return it.) Uuuuugh. Then I feel bad about being a Scrooge on top of it all. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 You're not a scrooge. If you don't have the money for that roast, then you don't have the money. Scrooge was rolling in cash, that's the difference. And you have no obligation to enjoy this holiday, especially after what you associate it with. You need to take care of you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 In defense of the roast- What type of roast? If that is a prime cut, then the price is good. Perhaps now is the time to start a new Christmas with your kids and DH. I don't think your friend would want you to be down on Christmas instead he would probably want you to remember him with happier times. As for family, I understand it more than you know. They are not allowed to ruin my time with my family. That would allow them to win. Instead, it is really just about the kids and DH for me. Once I accepted that, life is so much nicer. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 (hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 It's a difficult time for a lot of people, so you're not alone in that! Perhaps you and your immediate family could pick a different time of year to celebrate Christmas? There's no hard and fast rule that it MUST be in December. That's just the date printed on the calendar. Make it enjoyable for all of you! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 In defense of the roast- What type of roast? If that is a prime cut, then the price is good. Perhaps now is the time to start a new Christmas with your kids and DH. I don't think your friend would want you to be down on Christmas instead he would probably want you to remember him with happier times. As for family, I understand it more than you know. They are not allowed to ruin my time with my family. That would allow them to win. Instead, it is really just about the kids and DH for me. Once I accepted that, life is so much nicer. :grouphug: OP The bolded is what I try to live by with deceased loved ones. Not what I want (them here), but what would they want (me to be happy). I hope you can find some way to enjoy yourself. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 You can return something like a roast? Really? I get returning something like spoiled milk or meat, but a perfectly good roast? It is not like a sweater they can just put back on the shelf. I would think they must now toss and eat the cost if they refunded it. Did they actually take it back and give you a refund? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 You can return something like a roast? Really? I get returning something like spoiled milk or meat, but a perfectly good roast? It is not like a sweater they can just put back on the shelf. I would think they must now toss and eat the cost if they refunded it. Did they actually take it back and give you a refund? I think most stores would take it back in the interest of good customer service. But no, they can't sell it once it's out the door. OP, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Have you got anyone IRL to talk to, and/or have you considered grief counseling? I know everyone grieves differently but 14 years is a long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 Hugs. I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 You're not a Scrooge at all. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 I know a woman whose dog was hit by a car on Christmas. It's so hard when a day with sad associations is so prominent and made important. Hope your actual morning was pleasant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry, I understand! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 I am sorry. I don't care for Christmas. Too many bad childhood memories of my parents' divorce. We almost lost our son on Christmas 15 years ago. He survived but will always physical and cognitive issues so today is a huge reminder of that. I am always told to see it as blessing but I see both sides every moment - so blessed he lived, so sad for his struggles. It makes today very emotional. Last week we found out that my father in law's cancer has metastasized to three organs and he doesn't have much time left. We have spent so much money on travel to see him this year and will have several more trips in near future. I spent $53 on steaks yesterday. Yeah, I shouldn't have but I wanted something special this year. The rest of our Chrismtas dinner is cheap - mushrooms, potatoes my homemade chocolate pudding... I just felt like we needed a nice meal today. Hugs to you and yours! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 (((hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted December 26, 2016 Share Posted December 26, 2016 I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Wishing you strength and the ability to find something new to help celebrate the holidays. I would definitely involve your dh and kids in the decision. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 26, 2016 Share Posted December 26, 2016 You know, if you have another holiday that brings you joy, focus on that. My favorite holiday as a child was always the forth of July. Unlimited soda, running around with the cousins, my parents too busy with older relatives to care what we were doing. I hope you can find joy in something else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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